₦airaland Forum

Kenplay:
I have read your thread from the beginning and the conclusion I found is that YOU ARE VERY VERY NAIVE AND LACK EXPERIENCE. by the time you become a dad you will understand better.

I used to have your childish mindset until I started working and providing the bills to assist my younger ones, then I become to feel what it means to be a man. For ladies to sing your praise on this thread shows how weak and simp you are. Dont worry life will open your eyes.

swiz123:
I don't have a problem if kids don't regard their fathers that much probably because of his busy schedules which their tiny heads can't understand.

My real problem is when an adult still think that his father is irrelevant because he doesn't baby-sit them... like WTF!!.... Shouldn't you have outgrown that stupid mindset?.

I don't know how old you are, but please, change your mindset from today onwards

loudsmoker419:
[s]*hits blunt* ...what does a boy of "no more than 4 years" know about life?[/s]

abbey621:
I'm sorry to say but you're typing jargon! Men poor diet? Who cooks their food? Are the women eating differently from what they cooked? Tell me you're joking?

Statistically speaking most women run the home financially? I DARE YOU TO FIND ONE FACTUAL BASED EVIDENCE TO SUPPORT YOUR STATEMENT? I'm not even going to argue with you, just go North and see how men with 2 or more wives are living, then come back here and tell me how the women are the ones supporting those men financially....LMAO!

Finally I am talking about demands, you are talking about labor, two different things. Back then it was not the norm for a man to buy his wife a car, not the norm for children to attend private schools, not the norm to take care of one or all of your wife's siblings.

Demands back then drastically differs from the expectations today. This is why more marriages crash today than in the past. Greed, demands and oversabi are things leading the modern man to quickly demise, a man that provides financially but is still called useless father sounds reasonable to you? This is what the OP was getting at, he called his father useless because all he did was provide financially�������.

donstan18:
You are referring to your father who didn't teach you anything positive, not our fathers.


It still doesn't change the fact that your parents didn't teach you anything positive.

Below is my proof, a screenshot of your statement on this forum about them.

They failed, ruined and slowed your success, according to you.

Stop forcing our fathers To be like yours!!

Ladycewhy:
the bolded is a big lie, we will only make effort not be like dead beat fathers ,who's only achievement in life is to donate sperm.


It's called breaking the circle.

DisLifeSha:
What about single parented children their father abandoned

Ellasure:
either dead beat or full fledged father. both have their roles in your life whether you like it or not.

when you are young and with overflowing energy you tend to go on your strength. where is the roles of your makers in your thinking and actions. when there is no relevance of God in your life then there will be no roles for any man.

there is a saying that a person that has relieved God of his responsibilities in his life has lost everything. in short the person is living on borrowed time. if you have not studied your father and mother as a book what lies ahead of you is confusion. look at USA and Europe today, they are just hanging on blessings of their forefathers. the people living in those territories are not contributing anything tangible anymore. only demonstrations and importing virtually all their needs from China. To open your eyes further, most of these territories are ruled by woman superiority, self opinionated women sponsored by rich men. the sponsors definitely have a selfish and wicked expected end. something not beneficial to the general populace.

the family is one unit of a country and what you see in the family will be reflected in such country. Nigeria is not immune. I hope you are not pursuing a path that will not lead you to your expected end.

look at the animal kingdom, males dominate and are loved. even authorities issues from the leading male and all of them support the leadership. the bible say if you are lacking wisdom go to the ants and other animal kingdom.

you don't come into the world with your power someone is in control. not you.

cooltola:
I have seen a household where the father was very present and active and the child ended up wayward in life. i have seen household where the father was very wayward , absent and the child turned out to be a responsible adult.

luvbeloved:
you are missing the point here sir..what OP is saying is that fathers of today need to strike a balance and participate a little in their children's upbringing

xynerise:
Yes, I said so.

If you are of the school of thought that providing for the family along automatically makes you a caring father, then you are among those that
risk being irrelevant to your children.

If you look at most families today, the children hardly mention their fathers when making a reference to something inspiring. I mean quoting what your father once taught you or something positive you learnt while growing up. I am referring to fathers of our time.

Today, everything is about making money and paying the bills. That is not enough.
How close are you to your children? It is always the mother that attends to issues that trouble the children today. Even though fathers source for solutions at the end but the children will always remember the person that discovered the problems, or at least care to know what the problem is.

How often do we call our kids, sit them down and ask them about the kind of challenges they face in life?

Some fathers hardly call their children (far from home) on phone except the mother does and maybe pass the phone to him. This has made some people to call mostly their mothers on phone and explain situations to her rather than the father who provides the money to solve the situations.

You can see that despite most fathers provide the money, yet the mothers get most of the appreciation.

My point is, we shouldn't be too focus on just making the money. Let us remember we are also making a family too.

emezuo17:
. My dear that is the fact oh, I work 28 on and off, I hardly and sometimes I look like a stranger to my kids, but I try to make up by staying at home with them as much as I could any time IAM in town, imagine my kids telling me mummy bought this and that for me, where as everything is paid by me, most times I have to tell them I actually have their mum the money.

luvbeloved:
you are missing the point here sir..what OP is saying is that fathers of today need to strike a balance and participate a little in their children's upbringing

omakay:
I think you and your wife should have a serious home management discussion.

Because from the looks of things, your wife is hugging all the attention (it is not a deliberate act) and that is not right.

Even when the children will 'naturally' accord all the praise to her because they see in the 'front-end' that she is the one handing them
those those things, she should set the record straight atimes and direct the accolades to you even when you are absent at home. Because, in the 'back-end', you are the one actually providing those things.

DESCRIPTION

Mummy: Children, come and have these things.

Children: Mummy, thank you.

Mummy: Yes, and thank your daddy too. He is the one that got them for you. He thinks of you guys all the time.



When you get back, the story will be:

Children: Daddy, Daddy, welcome........ Thank you for the gift you bought for us. We love you.


Now dont you think that would be a better narrative.

ImaIma1:
That is what you want to believe.

Those are my definitions below for a clearer understanding of my comment:

A lot: a large number or amount; a great deal.

Some: at least a small amount or number of people or things.

phemmyfour:
Dont mind xynerise, he's trying to force his opinion on anybody that have contarary opinion.

In this age where we have career women, we have fathers that are even closer to their children than their mothers.

cococandy:
@bold, Yet you people insult women who prefer men that can provide. calling them leeches Etc.If that’s man’s primary responsibility? Why is it bad for a lady to expect that from a man she’s planning to mate with?

You can’t choose which side is which when it pleases you. Stick to one.

wany:
No rather you kiss the truth ,a man providing only and not bonding with his children is nothing but a class A failure.

Sparro:
You are too myopic to be a mother.
The topic and content lacks maturity and it is baseless.

Just like there are terrible fathers, there are also equal amount of terrible mothers. You are asking the fathers to bond with their kids jsut like the mother, you have asked the fathers to carry the pregnancy jsut the mothers na. Hissss

swiz123:
I don't have a problem if kids don't regard their fathers that much probably because of his busy schedules which their tiny heads can't understand.

My real problem is when an adult still think that his father is irrelevant because he doesn't baby-sit them... like WTF!!.... Shouldn't you have outgrown that stupid mindset?..

Most men who thinks that their father is irrelevant because of your silly reason and therefore goes about asslicking their momma are the reason why most marriages are living hell for
these unfortunate children...

I don't know how old you are, but please, change your mindset from today onwards

sharone21:
My dad is the BEST provider and BEST INVOLVED dad( apart from husband). He comes first to us ( both as kids or adults) even before mum.

Una go bash feminists for being financially independent and still bash the ones that depends on man no matter how small- what do men like u really want from women?

Anyway, Op is right....truth is bitter.

Ladycewhy:
with regards to the bolded ,men from time have always done this, why are modern day men acting as if it just starting being a thing a century ago?


Stop whining, even now modern women now share from the financial burden. Men of old had bigger responsibility but didn't whine and complain like these modern men ,na wah for una o.

Chimpretty:
Am actually a woman but i know the societal pressures on men, i have brothers and husband so i know.

Chimpretty:
@op to be a man its not easy with modern day expectations from the society, a man is expected to provide and care for his family and even in many cases extended families and friends. Also if you have noticed men are getting involved in the welfare of their children unlike before.

Ladycewhy:
And I know the societal pressures on women with dead beat husbands.


A man and a woman both share the financial responsibility but the woman is still expected to stick to the duties of the traditional African woman of both the nuturer and care giver. It's now more work and burden for the modern woman.

igboamakaaa:
This might be a long write-up but id try to relay my points in the best way possible.

This thing is a natural bonding instinct, if you've ever raised domestic any set of domestic animals (Poultry, Cats, Dogs, Goats, even pests like rats) or watched NatGeo wild/Animal planet you would notice that the younger animals whether male or female ALWAYS bond better with their mothers.

The Male parent nevertheless bothers himself more about protecting the family and defending their territory, maintaining peace and order amongst the family and disciplining the young ones when they want to go astray.

That doesn't mean that he does not spend time with his wards, he just doesn't devote all his time to that else they would be attacked, he would lose his territory, his children maybe killed and his wives be taken over by the ravaging alpha male (the female counterparts would mostly choose the more dominant, stronger and fiersome male for protection in both animal and human environments).

All these happen even though in the case of lion, most birds and other canivorous/herbivorous mammals the Female parent is tasked with providing food for the family/the young ones.

As it is with animals, so it is with Humans. Nature doesn't change its standards. I'll finalize by giving insights on an experimental study made using complete elephant families from the Amboseli National park, Kenya and another set of elephants (orphaned or without male parents) in Pilanesberg National Park, South Africa.

The young elephants in the kenyan elephant colony were stable, grew up maturely and didn't display any abnormal tendencies that were unlikely for elephants their age. Whilst the elephants in the south african park who were either orphaned or without fathers grew up to be very unruly, exhibited abnormal hyper-aggressive behaviour that led to the killing of about 107 rhinoceroses over a period of 10 years. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3874604/

You can now see the link between these animal behavioural pattern and that of humans. One of the chief reasons why there are so much social misfits in the world of today is majorly because of the rise in single parenting and orphaned children. These inturn grow up to wreak havoc upon the society later on and cause more anarchy which continues to increase and increase as generations go by.

Nature has its order, it has its premeditated role for the male and female parent. When one entity is missing out of the equation or roles get switched, it creates an imbalance which shows forth one of its result in the social disruption of the children. This is my take on the issue.

vingeophysicist:
Why will a man do that ? He has sold his birth rite.

idahme:
Ur reasoning is top notch.....

abbey621:
I'm sorry to say but you're typing jargon! Men poor diet? Who cooks their food? Are the women eating differently from what they cooked? Tell me you're joking?

Statistically speaking most women run the home financially? I DARE YOU TO FIND ONE FACTUAL BASED EVIDENCE TO SUPPORT YOUR STATEMENT? I'm not even going to argue with you, just go North and see how men with 2 or more wives are living, then come back here and tell me how the women are the ones supporting those men financially....LMAO!

Finally I am talking about demands, you are talking about labor, two different things. Back then it was not the norm for a man to buy his wife a car, not the norm for children to attend private schools, not the norm to take care of one or all of your wife's siblings.

Demands back then drastically differs from the expectations today. This is why more marriages crash today than in the past. Greed, demands and oversabi are things leading the modern man to quickly demise, a man that provides financially but is still called useless father sounds reasonable to you? This is what the OP was getting at, he called his father useless because all he did was provide financially�������.