ImaIma1:


You can go to sambisa yourself to deliver that message.

I went to Command and naturally, the friends I grew up with were children of soldiers/officers. It didn't stop some of them from being close to their children. In fact one of them who lost her dad in the plane crash en route Obudu was exceptional. That man was so close to his children. It was pleasant to watch.

So please use another analysis. It has nothing to do with the profession. Even when soldiers goes on peace keeping missions to Sudan or elsewhere, they still come back home.

Choosing to spend time with family/children is a personal thing.

Don't worry...I won't hiss

I quote you because you are comparing men's job and women's job as if they are the same thing and belittling men's job in the society.
Let me ask you again, the jobs I listed earlier, which job can you confidently do for a day?

OK for your myopic mind now make we stop providing for our families but rather stay with them at home all day doing nothing so we can be relevant.. Your head is not correct bro

Things are harder now, a man has to hustle twice as hard to pay bills, fees, rent....

He leaves home sometimes before sunset and gets home at night, he only see his kids asleep from monday - friday.

In my fathers time things were very different; i see him before i go to school, (sometimes we have breakfast together), he comes home by 4pm, we eat supper together as a family, we watch TV together and i tell him good night when its my bed time.

A good mother will always let her kids know how hard their father has to work to provide for them. Its up to her to make it possible for the kids to bond with their dad whenever he is home. A good father will also find time in his busy schedule to be a dad to his kids.

The world of today is very different from yesterday, a child can grow up into someone good or bad without the parents intervention. The internet and TV has totally changed things. In my time there was no TV until 4pm and no TV after 12am.

Korllami007:



I quote you because you are comparing men's job and women's job as if they are the same thing and belittling men's job in the society.
Let me ask you again, the jobs I listed earlier, which job can you confidently do for a day?

At what point did I belittle a man's job? I have not done that. I don't know where you saw that.

My only point is that time can be created to spend with the children, no matter the job.

We create time for what matters to us despite our professions, career, etc.

Sparro:

Yeye, in your myopic mentality, no matter what, a father will loose relevance where his child is concerned. Sorry for your own situation. Our fathers are very very relevant in every area. And we are going to be very very relevant where our children are concerned. Like I said earlier, there are as equal number of irrelevant mothers as there are irrelevant fathers. I won't reply any of your myopic comment again.

You are not even making sense. Just rambling


Good riddance.

TonyeBarcanista:
Most fathers play with their kids when they are chanced. My father did, despite the fact that he was a policeman... Whenever he is home, he spends time with us. We pray together every morning and evening before sleeping. Most fathers do other things with kids WHEN they have time off work. It doesn't take away the fact that father's primary job is to provide, defend, protect and care for the family.

A financially independent wife that is not submissive to her husband is useless to the family (quote me anywhere)

A submissive wife who depends 100% on her husband is useful and deserving of all good things from hubby.

However, a man who is sensible will ensure he sets his wife up in business or permit her to work jobs that won't affect her role as wife and mother in the home (Like I said, feminists should go and die).

Feminism definition is - the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes......Oga Some men will still counter your views- different folks with different strokes..... Feminism does not entirely mean not submitting to the husband.... If only both sexes will obey God in marriage ie Men LOVE your wives & women submit to your husband and there will be peace...Only a foolish woman will not submit to a loving husband- she will submit even without a man forcing submission down her throat....Note that it takes 2 fools to have a happy marriage.

xynerise:
Yes, I said so.

If you are of the school of thought that providing for the family along automatically makes you a caring father, then you are among those that
risk being irrelevant to your children.

If you look at most families today, the children hardly mention their fathers when making a reference to something inspiring. I mean quoting what your father once taught you or something positive you learnt while growing up. I am referring to fathers of our time.

Today, everything is about making money and paying the bills. That is not enough.
How close are you to your children? It is always the mother that attends to issues that trouble the children today. Even though fathers source for solutions at the end but the children will always remember the person that discovered the problems, or at least care to know what the problem is.

How often do we call our kids, sit them down and ask them about the kind of challenges they face in life?

Some fathers hardly call their children (far from home) on phone except the mother does and maybe pass the phone to him. This has made some people to call mostly their mothers on phone and explain situations to her rather than the father who provides the money to solve the situations.

You can see that despite most fathers provide the money, yet the mothers get most of the appreciation.

My point is, we shouldn't be too focus on just making the money. Let us remember we are also making a family too.

Men respect the mothers most when growing up, but understand the àgony of the fathers when they too becomes A Father

Ladycewhy:
lol, the door to walk out is now wider and easier, nor be do or die affair. If the road nor let you pass go front ,you pass am come back.

A divorcee is not a label one should be proud about though that's what you'll become when 'you pass am come back'. Marriage is not a must, if you nurture imaginations of things going wrong and you later divorcing, why marry in the first place? Your idea would inevitably come to play without your conscious effort.

krushdripper:
A divorcee is not a label one should be proud about though that's what you'll become when 'you pass am come back'. Marriage is not a must, if you nurture imaginations of things going wrong and you later divorcing, why marry in the first place? Your idea would inevitably come to play without your conscious effort.

Divorcee is better than never been married. Just so you know know. , so it e better to pass am come back.

Okay

swiz123:


My comment is for responsible fathers whose efforts are undermined by their grown up children because the harsh economic realities didn't give them the opportunity to bond with them when they were kids

The responses on this topic leaves much to be desired, seems most here misconstrue the import of the post. This is not a male vs female ish guys.

I don't think the OP is trying to belittle the fatherly roles played by the man in the family but he is rather drawing attention to the shortcomings probably posed by modernisation which the current African father may be missing out on.

Some fathers present themselves as the "lion in the tribe of their house" thus striking fear into their kids and promoting an unfriendly environment. These when carried on for years can have negative consequences which has made some fathers lament not being "connected" with their children when they get older.

Discipline can be asserted in the home especially when grooming children without the air of hostility. Fathers should take out time out of their busy schedule and actively feature in seemingly childish stuffs sometimes like attending their child's school programmes, engaging the child in discussions, having a hangout time with the kids etc.

These may seem silly but cannot be compared to the peace of mind it comes with in contrast to having unfriendly & unruly children in the future, then all the money you've hustled won't save the situation.

Miarose:
Men are more reckless and yes, they take less care of themselves. So many hotels, bars and joints springing up all around town.. who funds them? who spends most time in those places? why have men boughtthe narrative that fun==alcohol,late nights, careless sex, football?? Financial pressure to spend more on your side gangs, alcohol and hanging out. In your 40s, you are still eating suya with alcohol at 12 midnight, then you take viagra or kolakalagbo to finish that your side chick. Bro, you are finishing yourself. Do not blame anyone but yourself.
Yes, men take less care of themselves.. that is a fact.

Yet when it comes to health related issues like diabetes, obesity and so on,9ja women have the larger share. Like I told the previous commenter, show me your stats and stop this sentimental bullshit!

Ladycewhy:
it will be jargons to a nagging airhead

Lol , so in your mind financial responsibility is the reason why marriages of today crash , another joker.


Now let me remind you that men make up a higher percent of people who patronise road side food sellers, buka and beer parlours. Men also make up a higher percentage of agbo and bruntashi customers . Go figure.


I have one factual evidence, and that is my mother, I don't need to go far to look from evidence . She runs the home financially, oh that mother of mine ,such a hard-working multitasking human.



So let me ask who made it a norm to buy your wife a car and send your children to private schools? ,you put uncessary pressure on yourself to compete with your mates and come on nairaland to whine . There are people who have not bought their wives a car and who's children attend public schools just so you know. If you made these things a norm due to your environment ,then that's on you bro , again stop nagging, it's irritating.

You see no evidence but your mom and since your mom represents the majority of Nigerian women I guess it is good enough for you, no stats, no scholarly references but your mom?....This is exactly why I don't argue with Nigerians especially Nairalanders, I have had more substantial conversations with a cat than the average Nairalander.....Ignorance is bliss tho, so ENJOY�������

I should show you stats? HAHAHA, Lol, My time is too precious to argue. This is just sound advice that i give to brothers and friends around me.
Check the stats on covid deaths, heart attacks, strokes, death during sex, etc if you need stats.

abbey621:


Yet when it comes to health related issues like diabetes, obesity and so on,9ja women have the larger share. Like I told the previous commenter, show me your stats and stop this sentimental bullshit!

Miarose:
I should show you stats? HAHAHA, Lol, My time is too precious to argue. This is just sound advice that i give to brothers and friends around me.
Check the stats on covid deaths, heart attacks, strokes, death during sex, etc if you need stats.

Incoherent ramblings....Equating Covid 19 deaths to death during sex, I'm done with y'all.....Ignorance is bliss I guess

Ladycewhy:
Divorcee is better than never been married. Just so you know know. , so it e better to pass am come back.

I can't agree with you that a divorcee is seen by the major society as better than one who hasn't attempted marriage.

�

Ladycewhy:
Divorcee is better than never been married. Just so you know know. , so it e better to pass am come back.

SMH!

krushdripper:
I can't agree with you that a divorcee is seen by the major society as better than one who hasn't attempted marriage.

well that's your own.In my book it is .

abbey621:


You see no evidence but your mom and since your mom represents the majority of Nigerian women I guess it is good enough for you, no stats, no scholarly references but your mom?....This is exactly why I don't argue with Nigerians especially Nairalanders, I have had more substantial conversations with a cat than the average Nairalander.....Ignorance is bliss tho, so ENJOY�������

bla bla bla , scholarly reference, lol,you must be a clown, even your population has no scholarly reference . Go to cencus board and get scholarly reference and by the way being the clown you are I think your cat will understand your language more

kingreign:



SMH!

nor let your head go break from shaking it too much Sha.

Ladycewhy:
well that's your own.In my book it is .

Who'd you rather be with? A rich man whose a divorcee or a rich man who hasn't gotten married?

krushdripper:
Who'd you rather be with? A rich man whose a divorcee or a rich man who hasn't gotten married?

Of course a rich man who hasn't gotten married. shuo.

xynerise that old post of yours that some ppl here are posting...is that you blaming your dad for sending you to school?
you feel that education is nothing but a scam like the followers of naira marley?
i think ur dad did well sending u to school
while being educated u can develop a skill and with education that skill can be developed more better than that of a stark illiterate.
As for what u said about fathers i would say there many fathers really trying and who are a big presence in their children"s life except the few absentee dads who never show up for their responsibilities but would rather spend all their money on beer,prostitutes and skidechicks.

Ladycewhy:
Of course a rich man who hasn't gotten married. shuo.

I expected you'd have gone for the divorcee since they're better in your own book. You just shot yourself in the leg.

lefulefu:
xynerise that old post of yours that some ppl here are posting...is that you blaming your dad for sending you to school?
you feel that education is nothing but a scam like the followers of naira marley?
i think ur dad did well sending u to school
while being educated u can develop a skill and with education that skill can be developed more better than that of a stark illiterate.
As for what u said about fathers i would say there many fathers really trying and who are a big presence in their children"s life except the few absentee dads who never show up for their responsibilities but would rather spend all their money on beer,prostitutes and skidechicks.

That post was all about too much focus on education while neglecting other talents of your children. No blame game. Education is important.. handiworks too.

krushdripper:
I expected you'd have gone for the divorcee since they're better in your own book. You just shot yourself in the leg.

seems you just want to argue. There is no point in staying in marriage laden with burden,if road nor let person pass ,you pass am back ,so how does that relate to your question

You told me "why marry in the first place if you will run because of burden" and I answered that being divorced is better than being unmarried. Please stop twisting my words so you can have something to argue on .

xynerise:
Yes, I said so.

If you are of the school of thought that providing for the family along automatically makes you a caring father, then you are among those that
risk being irrelevant to your children.

If you look at most families today, the children hardly mention their fathers when making a reference to something inspiring. I mean quoting what your father once taught you or something positive you learnt while growing up. I am referring to fathers of our time.

Today, everything is about making money and paying the bills. That is not enough.
How close are you to your children? It is always the mother that attends to issues that trouble the children today. Even though fathers source for solutions at the end but the children will always remember the person that discovered the problems, or at least care to know what the problem is.

How often do we call our kids, sit them down and ask them about the kind of challenges they face in life?

Some fathers hardly call their children (far from home) on phone except the mother does and maybe pass the phone to him. This has made some people to call mostly their mothers on phone and explain situations to her rather than the father who provides the money to solve the situations.

You can see that despite most fathers provide the money, yet the mothers get most of the appreciation.

My point is, we shouldn't be too focus on just making the money. Let us remember we are also making a family too.

You don't know what you have until you lose it. A father provides discipline and stability in the home.
Very few mothers can discipline their children and they will listen. That what the father does.
If you think providing food, shelter, clothes, school fees is not enough, just imagine what your life will be without it.

swiz123:
I don't have a problem if kids don't regard their fathers that much probably because of his busy schedules which their tiny heads can't understand.

My real problem is when an adult still think that his father is irrelevant because he doesn't baby-sit them... like WTF!!.... Shouldn't you have outgrown that stupid mindset?..

Most men who thinks that their father is irrelevant because of your silly reason and therefore goes about asslicking their momma are the reason why most marriages are living hell for modern wives.

Most orphans at motherless homes would give everything to have someone who can provide can feed, shelter, clothe and pay their school fees. That momma's love you so much adore isn't a priority to these unfortunate children...

I don't know how old you are, but please, change your mindset from today onwards

Word !!

DexterousOne:


And you think either scenario is a justification?

No just my observation which has happened numerous times just as i have seen rain fell on some days and no rain on some days. The koko is everyone's responsible for his or her decision.

TonyeBarcanista:
[s][/s]
My brother, a father's primary responsibility is to provide for his family. He toils, suffers and struggles to achieve that. This is in addition to provide care for the wife and kids and overall leadership.

A mother's primary responsibility is to care for the husband and kids, take care of home front and do any other responsibility assigned to her by the husband/father (feminists should go and die)

You can't expect a father to relegate his responsibility to be competing for attention of the children with the mother.

In fact, it is okay for children to be praising their mother as long as they, alongside their mother, acknowledge their father and are loyal to his authority. It is a welcome development!

When they are grown up they will realise their father's sacrifice!

For my family, we recognise both the sacrifices of our parents and always acknowledge them. As an adult male, I appreciates my father even more...

As per the last sentence, it shall be well with you.

xynerise:


I am not surprised though. Many fathers are doing what I advised and they are not dead or become sissy like my myopic minded friend, TonyeBarcanista said.

lmao you too like trouble