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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption (51515 Views)
My Husband Kicked Me Out After A DNA Test Revealed He Wasn’t My Daughter Dad / Doting Nigerian Dad Makes His Daughter Up For Her School Party / Lady Travels To The US To Give Birth, Dumps Husband, Gives Child Up For Adoption (2) (3) (4)
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Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by frozen70(f): 8:24am On Aug 16, 2020 |
Mizflo: Hmmm, this is so painful but don't wallow on it else you can't take a drastic decision It has happened, all you need is to move on with your daughter Can I ask you a question, your baby daddy, so you know where he lives, do you have his contact details, if yes, it's time you ask him to take reasonability by taking his daughter in till you find your bearing or he gets a room accommodation for you and her then give you money to start any kind of trade Alternatively, can you ask your pastor if you have one, to take custody of your child and ask the church to lend you money to start something doing and allow you to be sleeping in the church and keep your corner it neat till you find your bearing At this stage of your life now, you must be humble and I repeat you must be humble to a fault You must tolerate all insult and disgrace just for you to climb the ladder of life and success You must be willing to serve people just to get favour especially within your church members Don't be surprise your church members may decide to accommodate you and the church will agree to sponsor your trade Any church members that accommodates you, be ready to be the house made in a very matured amd willing heart When you serve people deligently, it moves their conscience to love you more and help you out For now, seal your pussy and for get about the desires to have any form of relationship becomes any man coming to you now, is either coming to make worst your case or to give you temporary joy which will carry you away only to drop you when you list expected, that is if you don't become pregnant again Rin to God, I mean run to God, he is the only one that will bring helper for you and give you peace of mind Think about it Then the issue of adopting your daughter out, is one thing I want you to think twice because it will not favour you Adoptions are best form infancy and you take the money to find your level and forget the child This your daughter is the only reason you are still happy having gone through hell on earth Giving her out and knowing the family you are giving her to makes it worst for you because, it involves legal documents and you can't have her back for life Unless it doesn't require paper work like involving a lawyer, then you can give her out, without any condition, that will enable you come back for her any time of your life and appreciate the family amd take her away But if you will be tricked to sign any document, it's a no pls That child has bonded so well with you that giving out that child will affect your entire life and you know what it means Let's assume that you adopt out that child and never gets to meet another man who you will have kids for, then you are left with no child, wouldn't it be worst than anything At this stage of your life, you have experienced hatred, so the best for you is to love yourself and be happy Just think of what trade to go into, it could be selling of fruits, selling of soft drinks in busy markets, just anything that as little as 5000 can start. Most people selling those things I mentioned got there to patch up with life and nothing else Once the church can allow you sleep there and pastor helps you take over your child, you will be fine For now, Leave men alone and resist them because their own is to give you temporal joy that will end with tears 17 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by frozen70(f): 8:27am On Aug 16, 2020 |
uboma: Good morning my dear Her case is so pathetic but she must dust it and move on I have contributed my advice 1 Like |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by Uniquewise: 8:51am On Aug 16, 2020 |
Squillaci: Very senseless talk @Op, Jesus didn't put you in the misery you have found yourself. The people in your life, starting from your late mum, your aunty, the perverted baby daddy, all have, by their actions and inactions, placed you in the shittt you are currently in. Add to all that, your own poor choice for sleeping with a man you're not married to. So get up and determine to remedy all these evils already. The best place to start is to go that same Jesus you're ignorantly shunning. Truth be told, true help can only be found in Him. By the way, that man that impregnated you should be arrested asap, for raping a minor (statutory rape), and for his negligence in taking care of the product of such heinous union. I hope someone on this forum can help OP manage the legal aspect of this matter. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by Nobody: 8:57am On Aug 16, 2020 |
Idk why people are mentioning rape when OP didn't. In her post it sounded like they were in a relationship, the sex was consensual but according to her he left her when she was pregnant. Teenagers do have consensual sex and teenage pregnancy is nothing new. Lil' Wayne's ex (now re-married) was pregnant with her first child at 15. I had to use this example since she's a popular figure but it shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that teenagers have sex. What OP needs to do is track down her child's father, take him to court and collect child support from him, not make a rape accusation. If she had mentioned rape, that would be a different story. OP, I'm sorry things haven't been easy. You can still take control of your life. Pls track down your child's father and have him contribute to his child's wellbeing. It's wicked of him to leave you while you were pregnant and not bother reaching you since. Thereafter, maybe find a single parent like yourself to marry? I wouldn't advice giving your daughter up for adoption but you do whatever is best for you. I wish you nothing but the best. 14 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by uboma(m): 9:01am On Aug 16, 2020 |
@Mizflo, Are you comfortable to share with me the contact details of the father of your child? I will like to speak with him to see if he will have a change of mind to contribute towards the child's upkeep. 12 Likes |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by uboma(m): 9:02am On Aug 16, 2020 |
frozen70: Thank you so much. |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by UyaiIncomparabl(f): 9:03am On Aug 16, 2020 |
ThothHermes: I have always had the thought that you are an "atheist". You give conflicting vibes. 2 Likes |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by uboma(m): 9:04am On Aug 16, 2020 |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by Heromaniaa: 9:10am On Aug 16, 2020 |
Mizflo:If you want, I can adopt her for my aunt who is above 50 and childless. 13 Likes |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by Nobody: 9:11am On Aug 16, 2020 |
I don’t even know what to say. I hope you get the help you seek. Pele 1 Like |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by Nobody: 9:30am On Aug 16, 2020 |
goldenboyofpsy: I thought I was the only one who picked that up. I can only imagine how much of a disgusting human being he must be 1 Like |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by Nobody: 9:47am On Aug 16, 2020 |
Op, I can only imagine how much of a difficult situation this is. You now have two options which is to either 1) give the child up for abortion. The best way to do this is by giving your child up LEGALLY. This is very important, as it's the safest way and you can be reassured (at least to some high extent) that your child will be in good hands But since I can imagine this step being very difficult, especially since the child is already 5. You can also choose to 2) keep her. But to follow up with this, you have to be ready. You mentioned a madam you served. What exactly did you learn? Start from there, and maybe try to work on those skills, so you can make use of them and be there for your daughter Also, don't be too harsh on yourself. We all make stupid decisions when young, it was absolutely disgusting of that man to have used that innocent naivety, but now is the time to act and not dwell too much on what has happened. If you don't want your daughter to go down that path, you have to act now. Whatever your decision is, I wish you the very best ❤️ 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by meetme01: 9:49am On Aug 16, 2020 |
I know you're going through alot and your head is damn full of the way forward. Ma'am, take a breath thrice after thinking to calm your nerves and mind down. You need to calm down. See, it's a stage, you will overcome if only you take the right step and believe everything will work fine. What is the right step you ask Good. You don't know your babby daddy's whereabout but you know someone that knows someone that knows him. I believe you should. The background is faulty and going back to your family may worsen the case because that's where the problem lies. Seems you inherit a family that is peculiar with this same problem. Therefore, as someone pointed, if you stay in Lagos, Oyo or Ogun, I am ready to assist with competent social workers who would take the issue up. Locate the man and give him options, he rather accept the child and provide all needs or reject and face the wrath of the law where he would be subjected to undergo DNA and if confirmed to be 99% related, he would pay heavily and take responsibility of you and your baby. That's the first step. You have thought deeply and those around are comforting you with adoption. In as much as its a good idea, the flaws in it I won't expose due to SW principles. If you go by the way of adoption, you might) regret later in future you took that step. I know it's really hard and there must be a way forward. Anxiety would not solve the problem, rather patience and consistent hope. It is face in life which you must confront with lots of prayers, hope and patience. It wil definitely going to be fine if only you calm down and open up to a competent social worker around you. If you don't reside around the axis mentioned, avail me your State and if possible, I would link you up with one. I would rather advice you locate the man's family by all means. That's the way forward. Let people (family, friends, relatives, concubines etc) around him know about the situation. They will locate him for you. Use all social media handles, all means to get his contact. The last resort would be adoption after all means to locate him has been exhausted. Let adoption be out for now,please. 7 Likes |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by dingbang(m): 9:49am On Aug 16, 2020 |
First you want to put your daughter up for adoption Second someone has come to offer you help, scholarship for your daughter up to university level and also to set u up for a business and give you a life Think. Yes I can categorically tell you that you are doing the right thing for signing those papers and giving your daughter up for adoption . It is the best decision you will ever make in your life. You can proceed please. 5 Likes |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by tot(f): 10:14am On Aug 16, 2020 |
uboma: Good morning. I feel sad for the OP and all she's gone through. People have given her very good advice already. I know it's not easy but my view is that she needs to let go of the past - the circumstances of her birth, what her Mum and Dad did, her babby daddy. We CAN'T change the past, and dwelling on it will just hold her back. This is the time to focus on the way forward for her and her daughter. What skills can she learn? Which support group is around that she can approach? She mentioned she is active on NL, are there online courses she can take online? It's not going to be a walk in the park but it's certainly possible for diamond to emerge from the darkness of her life. I also think she needs to find her way back to God, on our own as humans there is only so much we can make happen. Wish you the best OP. 6 Likes |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by frozen70(f): 10:30am On Aug 16, 2020 |
uboma: Cheers |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by virginboy1(m): 10:38am On Aug 16, 2020 |
femi4: Coming from a self acclaimed Christian. Is this how to advice or persuade a depressed person to follow Christ? Religious people like you in Nigeria are scams...Spits. 14 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by Hathor5(f): 10:43am On Aug 16, 2020 |
fieryy: There might be a third option though. I have not read the thread, just saw your lovely comment and jumped in so I don't know where OP is located. But just in case it's Nigeria, is there a system in place that assigns foster parents to children of parents who can't temporarily take care of their kids for various reasons? This option would allow OP to have visiting rights and get the child back asap. 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by Stargner: 10:47am On Aug 16, 2020 |
Keeping your child for 5 years! Trust me, you have done the hardest part . It can't be more difficult. Seek out a good NGO . You will be fine. What state do you reside? Modified: She will be your Family and True friend. Don't lose her. You will be comforted. 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by femi4: 10:52am On Aug 16, 2020 |
virginboy1:Follow Christ? She already blamed her woe on Christ. You cannot follow who you believed is the cause of your predicament 1 Like |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by oazeez1991(m): 11:20am On Aug 16, 2020 |
Different advise has been given nd I wud agree with most, especially d aspect of seeking d intervention of social group or human right services in calling d baby daddy 2 order nd do d needful. It obvious he took advantage of d Op situation nd felt he cud go scotfree afta such act. Shud dey are able 2 locate him, I bliv he wud cooperate cos he wudn't want 2 face d consequence dat cud follow his actions. Adoption shud just be left out of d picture as it wud only give a temporary soothing, but it wud kom back 2 hunt Op in future, even d said child wud be disappointed shud she kom of age nd learn abt her life story even thou Op myt av done it 4 her betterment. @dose who took dia time bashing d Op nd been harsh wif dia words just cos d Op expresses her feelings of how she felt abt religion, I'd like 2 put in dis, 'He who haven't been to a battlefield before cannot know the cost of shedding blood to attain victory', d circumstances surrounding d Op is so pathetic, getin 2 experience ol those @ a tender age, thou she shudn't av said wat she said religious wise, but we shud know her situation has gotten d best of her. Wat we need is persuade nd encourage her 2 seek God nd ask 4 His forgiveness, den turn 2 Him 4 solution as He is the only One who can help her in dis situation, no other. She need empathy, nd not harsh submission. @Op, in as much as u r in position 2 mk d final decision on d subject matter, just know dat, whatever decision u mk at d end wud either MAKE U or MAR U, so be wise abt ur resolution, nd above ol, never forsake nor blame God 4 ur situation or turn an atheist cos of ur situation, remember urs is neva d worst, dia r people in situation which are far worst dan urs, still, dey neva give up on God cos dey know only Him cud heal ol wounds nd solve problems. May He guide u right nd change ur situation 4 gud. 8 Likes |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by UnclePrincipal(m): 11:30am On Aug 16, 2020 |
Righteousness89: Guy you're really mentally sick. You better check yourself in. This is not ordinary again. 5 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by UnclePrincipal(m): 11:32am On Aug 16, 2020 |
femi4: If your mother did, we wouldn't have a nuisance like you roaming nairaland. 10 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by uboma(m): 11:36am On Aug 16, 2020 |
Hathor5: Good news. 3 Likes |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by uboma(m): 11:37am On Aug 16, 2020 |
Good morning Tot, Thank you |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by femi4: 11:39am On Aug 16, 2020 |
UnclePrincipal:A product of illegal sex.....We noticed you as well 1 Like |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by tot(f): 11:42am On Aug 16, 2020 |
uboma: Good morning Uboma, thanks for drawing attention to the thread. Happy Sunday. |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by UnclePrincipal(m): 11:45am On Aug 16, 2020 |
femi4: You're certainly born stupid or did you inherit it from your father? 2 Likes |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by mutter(f): 11:49am On Aug 16, 2020 |
If she really wants to help you why adoption? She can foster the child and help you. It is wrong to desire to adopt a child that the mother still wants . That person does not have your child's interest at hand. A child has a right to know their adopted parents. 3 Likes |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by Bloghomies(m): 11:55am On Aug 16, 2020 |
This is Nigeria, and I won't advise giving up your daughter, no matter how hard things are now. Your problem now is money, and the question you should be asking is: how does a single mother with no former education make money? I've seen illiterates managing real estate and doing importation business. See, not going to school doesn't mean anything. The most important thing is education, and gladly you can get this anywhere. Acquire a skill, struggle, and look for a way to stand for yourself. Never give up on your daughter, cause some decisions cannot be taken back. 18 years from now, you might regret.. Look for how to acquire a skill, start a business, and gradually stand. It won't be easy, trust me. But it will be worth the sacrifice. It's true that you're a woman, I've seen women accomplish bigger things than men. It isn't over for you. Your story isn't finished yet. Wear a smile, and know that there are billions of people in worse situations. If there is one thing you should be grateful for, it's this beautiful gift you have. Your daughter should even be the reason why you should fight harder to survive. The moment you give her up, you will feel lost. The lady that wants to adopt her. Her story sounds too good. When something sound too good to be true, please run. Humans are deceitful and wicked. I remember growing up, how my aunt took my sister after promising heaven and earth. She didn't even enroll her in any school. I'm sure you've seen how people maltreat kids that aren't theirs. We see such stories every day on Facebook and Nairaland. There are still good people, but it isn't worth the gamble. If my aunt could maltreat her niece, imagine what a stranger could do. I beg you in the name of everything you believe in, don't give up on your daughter. Cc: Mizflo 5 Likes |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by Nobody: 11:57am On Aug 16, 2020 |
Mizflo: Your daughter won't suffer, please where are you? Can we talk more about the adoption? 1 Like |
Re: I Want To Give My Daughter Up For Adoption by meetme01: 12:01pm On Aug 16, 2020 |
mutter: She's using her vulnerability and young age against her. You points are awesome. That's one of the reason why I said, adoption should be the last resort. 3 Likes |
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