₦airaland Forum

tot:
Good morning Uboma, thanks for drawing attention to the thread. Happy Sunday.

You are welcome.

Do have a happy Sunday as well.

Many prayerful born again Christians go through worse. Let me not even start mentioning cases.

Apart from spiritual stronghold, you need to deal with mental stronghold.

You don't just need prayer. You also need rehabilitation, love and strong support.

Most Nigerian churches will just make you fast and pray. Many will not support you. I know what I'm saying.

This is what the church should be readily available for.

Many pastors here just want you to accept Jesus. Jesus is not a solution to all your prayers o. But he'll give you peace in the midst of the storm and guide you with the help of quality brethren.
.
Please those that can help, help. Enough of "accept Jesus" and everything will end. That's not biblical. I know many frustrated Prayer warriors. Young and old. They were promised freedom from all their problems. That's a scam.

Of course you need to pray. You also need genuine love. Christlike love. True love from the brethren.

I know what you're going through madam and I hope to keep talking to you. It's obvious you know Christ but situations are making you think otherwise. I know that point. It's hard my dear. Christ cried at some point in life. He wanted the Cup to pass over. It was too heavy. It's part of being human. But these things are meant to build us on our most holy faith. Meant to make us better and draw us closer if we can just see with the lens of the father. You are loved my dear. You are indeed loved by God. He's the fourth man in the fire.

Drop your email address please. Let's talk more.

How well do you know this woman you want to give your daughter to? Are you sure she's not going to sell her out for ritual purpose?

Please, look for a motherless babies home and put your girl there. Don't risk her life. I know you need the money but you need the peace of mind most.

The lord will make a way for you soonest. Dont give your daughter to that woman.

ThothHermes:
They will not agree. The funny part is that her daughter will come and continue the cycle. Only Jesus can save her. She will go round and round till she's old otherwise and nothing will change.

She's has inherited a very negative spiritual climate. Even a person who is not related to her can come under her negativity if he's weak spiritually.

You have said it all.

Mizflo:
Please I need your advice. I had created this account because I am well known here with my main account because I am always active and I want to remain anonymously
Am 21 a single mum with 1 girl age 5 , her dad rejected me when I was pregnant he left when I was 4 months pregnant with her .

I had a difficult time growing up , my mum died when I was 8 years and my dad denied me claiming my mum had cheated on him and there’s no way I could be his daughter.
My aunty who was supposed to care for me had never bothered about me , she was always out leaving me in the house all alone without food , whenever I complains she will beat me telling me to go to my mum graveyard to ask her for assistance.
I have suffered in the hand of my aunty she didn’t care about my education if I have managed to complete my primary school till jss2 was thanks to this aunty who was a teacher at my school and a good friend of my mum , she sponsored me , And when I was 14 my aunty landlord kicked her out of the house because of rent arrears she said I am the enemy of progress she cant take me to her boyfriend house because he won’t accept me to stay there that I should go and look for a place , I cried and pleaded with her to take me along with her but she refuse I beg her to show me where my dad is she said he will not accept me because he hated my mum but I beg her to take me to him .
She took me to him it was my first time seeing him I looked just like him with one eye big one small but he insulted the hell out of us saying he will never accept me because my mum was a cheater she had so many boyfriends that I should ask her who my real father is but my aunty insisted that my mum had told her before she passed on that he was my dad even taught I resembled him still he denied and kicked us out like we were dogs I cried and my aunty was angry because of the insult so she left me all alone in the street but later came to me .
Since that day my life situation has worsened because I was forced to stay with different people where I was being abused , my baby dad came as a guardian angel to my life he took care of everything i needed by promising me heaven on Earth I taught he will get me out of my hard situations but I was wrong i find out he was married with kids I was heartbroken because I didn’t want to live the same lifestyle as my mum had lived but history has repeated itself just like my mother had me with a married man but she knew he was married but me I didn’t know , but it was too late for me to moved on because I was already pregnant for him and I didn’t want to abort my baby I have decide to continue the relationship but when I was 4 months pregnant he left me and blocked me from all his contacts , this is the man that has never bothered to asked about his child for 5 years now..
My little girl dont even know her dad the same way I did not know mine until
I was 14 which break my heart anytime I think about it.
My daughter and I are staying with my madam the lady tat I serve her for now 3 years but things here hasn’t been easy for us because my madam children don’t like me they keep accusing of things I don’t do like I stole their money , clothes and many more before my madam was telling them to stop with their bad attitudes towards me but I have noticed that whenever they had accused me she start getting angry with me sometimes we can go days without her not talking to me which I think I have overstayed and I am not longer wanted here I want to leave this house and to go and hustle but I feared for my daughter because I don’t want her to end up like me.
If I leave this house we will be on the street for a long time till I will be able to get somewhere else to stay with her also I don’t think I can give her the best education because if she stay with me she will end up being a teen mother just like I did something I don’t want to happen to her and I came across someone who’s willing to help me by taking care of my daughter to give her the best life something that I have always wanted for her , she promised to take care of her till university and she will give me the money to rent a room and start up business she said she will take things to the right direction like adoption but I don’t know how she will do it because I have no idea that I will have to sign up papers for agreement i have agreed because I think is really a good opportunity for me even taught I have accepted but sometimes I am getting worried about giving her my daughter I am having sleepless nights and thinking all nights.

I am just tired of living this life I didn’t ask to be born my parents created me and now I am suffering from their mistakes something I didn’t consented and I don’t want my daughter to suffer because of my mistake I think giving her up for adoption is a good thing , but I don’t know if I am doing the right things.

please no insult what is your advice for me.

Thanks

please don't give up your daughter for adoption because if you do you will leave to regret it talking from experience look for a job in a company where accommodation will be given to you and please don't lose hope in God he is the God of impossiblety he will come to your rescue very soon

uboma:
Thank you dear.

Good morning.

Thank you for drawing my attention dear. It's a very sordid and sad tale.

Hathor5:


There might be a third option though. I have not read the thread, just saw your lovely comment and jumped in so I don't know where OP is located. But just in case it's Nigeria, is there a system in place that assigns foster parents to children of parents who can't temporarily take care of their kids for various reasons? This option would allow OP to have visiting rights and get the child back asap.

Hi dear. Are you a Nigerian?

Ishilove:
Hi dear. Are you a Nigerian?

Yes dear but I live abroad.

spiralwedge:
Mizflo,
Give her up for adoption. That's the right thing now.

It will be tough at first, but best you adjust and face your life squarely while she's in safe hands.

If you don't, you will suffer her for nothing and it will affect you getting the best out of the remaining years in your life.

Never be tired of this life, always make use of new opportunities even if it is not conventional or popular. In this case, your opportunity is to be able to make something out of your life while your daughter grows elsewhere to be an adult.

You will be fine, she will be fine too. Which state are you?


Modified:
I just read other people's comments above mine. Please ignore them. They sit comfortably typing without empathy and with the typical Nigerian mindset.

Adoption is very good, your daughter will have people she can look up to as parents/guardians. She needs that foundation at least till when she is 18. You are merely 21 and this is your chance to restart your life. If you don't take this chance, you will suddenly reach 40, depressed, broke, miserable and suicidal. Please take this chance, especially for your daughter to have a home.

what's the guarantee that the child won't go through series of abuse even worse than the mother. This is not USA that there are laws binding adoption. This is Nigeria .the child will most likely be used as a maid. She was even promised money for rent. It's more like they're trading the daughter. If she signs those papers, she won't have any rights whatsoever over the child. She can even be denied contact with her. U see what happened to u OP when someone else raised u. U see what happened. And she was
your aunt o. Life is gonna be hard but u have to pick yourself up and struggle. If it's to hawk, my dear hawk. I've met ppl that we're raised by single mothers and they told their stories of their struggles. But today, things are getting better.
OP if you want to break that chain, raise your child the right way, put her in school. Public school is there. When she comes back, let her assists u. Ask about her studies, tell her to read and encourage her. Because if that girl becomes successful, you'll be the first to reap from it. There are several menial jobs u can do. Struggle, it will be worth it in the end I promise u. Give that child the love and care u never had, train her well. You will surely reap the fruit of your labor.

Hathor5:


There might be a third option though. I have not read the thread, just saw your lovely comment and jumped in so I don't know where OP is located. But just in case it's Nigeria, is there a system in place that assigns foster parents to children of parents who can't temporarily take care of their kids for various reasons? This option would allow OP to have visiting rights and get the child back asap.

Unfortunately, such 'official' systems don't exist in Nigeria. At least none I know of. It's usually extended family members temporarily taking care of you etc. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong.

Nigeria sadly has has such a long way to go when it comes to things like these.

fieryy:
Unfortunately, such 'official' systems don't exist in Nigeria. At least none I know of. It's usually extended family members temporarily taking care of you etc. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong.

Nigeria sadly has has such a long way to go when it comes to things like these.

That's what I thought but I hoped some NGO would offer something similar. And with all the celebrities parading as philanthropists you would think they would have established a system by now to support families.

The first person who commented on this thread is really annoying even if Pocohantas doesn't agree. The person sleeps on NL and always feels holier than the Pope himself.

Hathor5:
That's what I thought but I hoped some NGO would offer something similar. And with all the celebrities parading as philanthropists you would think they would have established a system by now to support families.

Lool, I think those acts of altruism are done to obtain personal benefits. 'She/He gives back to the people' benefits/show offs.
Not that I care, every help is welcomed lol. But I guess establishing such systems is already expecting too much from them

Hathor5:
The first person who commented on this thread is really annoying even if Pocohantas doesn't agree. The person sleeps on NL and always feels holier than the Pope himself.

Lmao. Babe, I was confused o. Say wetin bring me enter the matter. Abi is he my ex-bf too.

pocohantas:
Lmao. Babe, I was confused o. Say wetin bring me enter the matter. Abi is he my ex-bf too.

You have asked someone who shares my sentiment to leave him alone so your enemies will spin a story soon. You will be preacher's wife.

fieryy:
I thought I was the only one who picked that up. I can only imagine how much of a disgusting human being he must be

He's an opportunist. He took full advantage of her situation knowing she's weak, helpless, homeless and anything will go.

He showed his true colour after putting her in a family way with no option. He left her worst then he met her...

God is watching sha

Mizflo:
Please I need your advice. I had created this account because I am well known here with my main account because I am always active and I want to remain anonymously
Am 21 a single mum with 1 girl age 5 , her dad rejected me when I was pregnant he left when I was 4 months pregnant with her .

I had a difficult time growing up , my mum died when I was 8 years and my dad denied me claiming my mum had cheated on him and there’s no way I could be his daughter.
My aunty who was supposed to care for me had never bothered about me , she was always out leaving me in the house all alone without food , whenever I complains she will beat me telling me to go to my mum graveyard to ask her for assistance.
I have suffered in the hand of my aunty she didn’t care about my education if I have managed to complete my primary school till jss2 was thanks to this aunty who was a teacher at my school and a good friend of my mum , she sponsored me , And when I was 14 my aunty landlord kicked her out of the house because of rent arrears she said I am the enemy of progress she cant take me to her boyfriend house because he won’t accept me to stay there that I should go and look for a place , I cried and pleaded with her to take me along with her but she refuse I beg her to show me where my dad is she said he will not accept me because he hated my mum but I beg her to take me to him .
She took me to him it was my first time seeing him I looked just like him with one eye big one small but he insulted the hell out of us saying he will never accept me because my mum was a cheater she had so many boyfriends that I should ask her who my real father is but my aunty insisted that my mum had told her before she passed on that he was my dad even taught I resembled him still he denied and kicked us out like we were dogs I cried and my aunty was angry because of the insult so she left me all alone in the street but later came to me .
Since that day my life situation has worsened because I was forced to stay with different people where I was being abused , my baby dad came as a guardian angel to my life he took care of everything i needed by promising me heaven on Earth I taught he will get me out of my hard situations but I was wrong i find out he was married with kids I was heartbroken because I didn’t want to live the same lifestyle as my mum had lived but history has repeated itself just like my mother had me with a married man but she knew he was married but me I didn’t know , but it was too late for me to moved on because I was already pregnant for him and I didn’t want to abort my baby I have decide to continue the relationship but when I was 4 months pregnant he left me and blocked me from all his contacts , this is the man that has never bothered to asked about his child for 5 years now..
My little girl dont even know her dad the same way I did not know mine until
I was 14 which break my heart anytime I think about it.
My daughter and I are staying with my madam the lady tat I serve her for now 3 years but things here hasn’t been easy for us because my madam children don’t like me they keep accusing of things I don’t do like I stole their money , clothes and many more before my madam was telling them to stop with their bad attitudes towards me but I have noticed that whenever they had accused me she start getting angry with me sometimes we can go days without her not talking to me which I think I have overstayed and I am not longer wanted here I want to leave this house and to go and hustle but I feared for my daughter because I don’t want her to end up like me.
If I leave this house we will be on the street for a long time till I will be able to get somewhere else to stay with her also I don’t think I can give her the best education because if she stay with me she will end up being a teen mother just like I did something I don’t want to happen to her and I came across someone who’s willing to help me by taking care of my daughter to give her the best life something that I have always wanted for her , she promised to take care of her till university and she will give me the money to rent a room and start up business she said she will take things to the right direction like adoption but I don’t know how she will do it because I have no idea that I will have to sign up papers for agreement i have agreed because I think is really a good opportunity for me even taught I have accepted but sometimes I am getting worried about giving her my daughter I am having sleepless nights and thinking all nights.

I am just tired of living this life I didn’t ask to be born my parents created me and now I am suffering from their mistakes something I didn’t consented and I don’t want my daughter to suffer because of my mistake I think giving her up for adoption is a good thing , but I don’t know if I am doing the right things.

please no insult what is your advice for me.

Thanks

which state are you currently?

Chat me up on 08033336643.
Let's walk through this and see what could be done.

spiralwedge:
Mizflo,
Give her up for adoption. That's the right thing now.

It will be tough at first, but best you adjust and face your life squarely while she's in safe hands.

If you don't, you will suffer her for nothing and it will affect you getting the best out of the remaining years in your life.

Never be tired of this life, always make use of new opportunities even if it is not conventional or popular. In this case, your opportunity is to be able to make something out of your life while your daughter grows elsewhere to be an adult.

You will be fine, she will be fine too. Which state are you?


Modified:
I just read other people's comments above mine. Please ignore them. They sit comfortably typing without empathy and with the typical Nigerian mindset.

Adoption is very good, your daughter will have people she can look up to as parents/guardians. She needs that foundation at least till when she is 18. You are merely 21 and this is your chance to restart your life. If you don't take this chance, you will suddenly reach 40, depressed, broke, miserable and suicidal. Please take this chance, especially for your daughter to have a home.

My thought exactly.

Ishilove:
I hear. She is promising heaven and earth the way the father of your child promised you heaven and earth.

See, there is an evil pattern here which you have noticed and as Righteousness89 pointed out, until that pattern is broken it will keep reasserting itself and messing you and your lineage up. Even your aunt who abandoned you is still moving from man to man. No stable home. Unless the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do?

That aside, we can say "don't give up your daughter" from the comforts of our homes but you that wear the shoes know where they pinch. BUT, even if you give up your child for adoption, what happened to you and your mum will also happen to this innocent child, so giving her up for adoption is not the solution.

Take each day has it comes. First of all, state your location here and whatever skills you have. While you're at it, like someone suggested, contact social welfare so that they can trace your he-goat baby daddy and compel him to pay child support. It is high time this country made abandoning pregnant girlfriends a jailable crime (aside the fact that he impregnated a minor, which itself is a crime). He must be traced and on the threat of public disgrace and imprisonment, made to pay for child support till his daughter is 18.

Exactly
And I support putting her child up for adoption, there is nothing wrong with it. She just need to sign the right papers.Op is young, she need to get her life together (learn a trade or go to school) her child needs a real family.
She only live once, she need to see the positive side of life.
OP I support you put your daughter up for adoption, pick up your life, LIVE. I want you to stop struggling, damn! You are young to go through single parenting struggles (is not easy).

femi4:
Did you remember Jesus when you spread your leg for sex.

People like you will just sit at comfort zone and judge people, oh I forgot, this is a faceless forum so it easy for you to bully others and get away with it.
Yes! People who don't have a good life find it easy to judge others, so as to compare and contrast.
Dingbat

Heromaniaa:
If you want, I can adopt her for my aunt who is above 50 and childless.

And make it legal if she agree to it.

Stargner:
Keeping your child for 5 years!
Trust me, you have done the hardest part . It can't be more difficult.

Seek out a good NGO . You will be fine.
What state do you reside?

Modified:
She will be your Family and True friend. Don't lose her.
You will be comforted.

I don't ascribe to Foster family, they can be wicked at times. Adoption is better.

Thanks everyone for your advice and words of encouragement I live in asaba I love my daughter so much more than anything in this world but I think she deserve better than me the reason I want to give her up for adoption is because she will be better off without me over there she will have both parents that will train and guide her to the right path something I never had the change to have so I want her to be greater than me because I don’t have anything good to offer her , I trust this aunty that will adopt her because she has helped me a lot in the past I know my daughter will be in a good place but I just don’t understand why am I having sleepless nights about giving her away I guess is normal for any mother that love her daughter to feel the same way I am feeling because it’s not easy for me to give her away but she had to go because I want her to be happy and I hope one day she will thanked me for making the right decisions for her. Thanks

Heartheart:
what's the guarantee that the child won't go through series of abuse even worse than the mother. This is not USA that there are laws binding adoption. This is Nigeria .the child will most likely be used as a maid. She was even promised money for rent. It's more like they're trading the daughter. If she signs those papers, she won't have any rights whatsoever over the child. She can even be denied contact with her. U see what happened to u OP when someone else raised u. U see what happened. And she was
your aunt o. Life is gonna be hard but u have to pick yourself up and struggle. If it's to hawk, my dear hawk. I've met ppl that we're raised by single mothers and they told their stories of their struggles. But today, things are getting better.
OP if you want to break that chain, raise your child the right way, put her in school. Public school is there. When she comes back, let her assists u. Ask about her studies, tell her to read and encourage her. Because if that girl becomes successful, you'll be the first to reap from it. There are several menial jobs u can do. Struggle, it will be worth it in the end I promise u. Give that child the love and care u never had, train her well. You will surely reap the fruit of your labor.

Mizflo, ignore this. It is written with sentiments and obviously from someone who hasnrt known life yet. How will you show love to a 5 year old child when you dont have the means to? You don't even have a place to stay? If you struggle and hawk, where will the child be? At mercy of someone who will abuse her?

Dont bank on reaping anything on any child, that's not the goal of parenting. It is a Nigerian mentality that misguides. i dont see you giving any good parenting now anyway. Your goal as a parent is to give your child the best opportunity/foundation to thrive in life.
So the best is for you to take this option of giving her the best, which you can always explain to her later.
You also have the chance to bounce back, and make something meaningful out of your life.

If you typed the OP then you are educated enough to negotiate the content of what you are signing for. Let it include occasional visits, but not too occasional.
What you need is a safe hand/home for the girl to grow up to 18.
She's 5 now.... So 13 years more. By then, you will be 34, probably married with more kids. But before that time, you need to heal and achieve things for yourself.

My parents had several people brought up in our homes while growing up, including 7 of us. They lived with us until they are old enough either to return to their parents, marry, or be on their own. They were equally treated with us and i still find it hard to believe that they are not my biological siblings. Their cases are similar to your daughter, and our parents gave them a platform to identify with while growing up to be whoever they want to be. Interesting thing is that apart from my siblings, they themselves are doing the same to other people's children. It is our heritage and i'm forever grateful to my parents for that.

Please ignore these Africa Magic people sitting in the comfort of their homes typing with a myopic mindset. This is your best chance, dont miss it.

Mizflo:
Thanks everyone for your advice and words of encouragement I live in asaba I love my daughter so much more than anything in this world but I think she deserve better than me the reason I want to give her up for adoption is because she will be better off without me over there she will have both parents that will train and guide her to the right path something I never had the change to have so I want her to be greater than me because I don’t have anything good to offer her , I trust this aunty that will adopt her because she has helped me a lot in the past I know my daughter will be in a good place but I just don’t understand why am I having sleepless nights about giving her away I guess is normal for any mother that love her daughter to feel the same way I am feeling because it’s not easy for me to give her away but she had to go because I want her to be happy and I hope one day she will thanked me for making the right decisions for her. Thanks

Good decision. Now go work on yourself. Apart from business, go to school on part time.You will need to be very focussed now and believe you dont need any man for now. You need time to heal and rediscover your purpose in this life. You must determine to be everything apart from what your family pattern has been. Trust God but dont be overly religious, that's another trap. But please dont be bitter towards God.
He has reasons.
The same way we dont understand children with autism and other deformities, is the same way this is. So, still trust Him because there's a reason why you and your daughter are alive.
Also, to be a better you, you will need to remove any form of bitterness. Main thing now is FOCUS. Trust me it is.

You will end up well.

Mizflo:
Thanks everyone for your advice and words of encouragement I live in asaba I love my daughter so much more than anything in this world but I think she deserve better than me the reason I want to give her up for adoption is because she will be better off without me over there she will have both parents that will train and guide her to the right path something I never had the change to have so I want her to be greater than me because I don’t have anything good to offer her , I trust this aunty that will adopt her because she has helped me a lot in the past I know my daughter will be in a good place but I just don’t understand why am I having sleepless nights about giving her away I guess is normal for any mother that love her daughter to feel the same way I am feeling because it’s not easy for me to give her away but she had to go because I want her to be happy and I hope one day she will thanked me for making the right decisions for her. Thanks

How are you sure the child's happiness and good care will be guaranteed? What if they plan to use the child for rituals? The heart of man is Wicked and you'll not know from the face.

Is this not the same way you you trusted the man who got you pregnant thinking your happiness has been guaranteed in his hands?

Why do you want to continue same mistakes that has been happening to your family on that innocent child?

Better not do anything you will live to regret all your life. U just want the easy way out of your situation and same repeated mistakes keep happening.

Don't give up that child to anyone, else you'll regret it all your life and she will never forgive u(dead or alive) and you know what that means. Don't play with these words please. Was revealed to me to tell you.

Someone suggested you reach out to child welfare and some other child centered organisations. Follow that suggestion. They'll definitely help that child please.

There's light at the end of the tunnel for you and the child if you go about it the right way.

Ishilove:
Thank you for drawing my attention dear. It's a very sordid and sad tale.

You are welcome my dear.

How are you?

Mizflo:
Thanks everyone for your advice and words of encouragement I live in asaba I love my daughter so much more than anything in this world but I think she deserve better than me the reason I want to give her up for adoption is because she will be better off without me over there she will have both parents that will train and guide her to the right path something I never had the change to have so I want her to be greater than me because I don’t have anything good to offer her , I trust this aunty that will adopt her because she has helped me a lot in the past I know my daughter will be in a good place but I just don’t understand why am I having sleepless nights about giving her away I guess is normal for any mother that love her daughter to feel the same way I am feeling because it’s not easy for me to give her away but she had to go because I want her to be happy and I hope one day she will thanked me for making the right decisions for her. Thanks

It's your decision which I think everybody must acknowledge and support. We are not in your shoes, we don't know the woman and you trust your instinct.

Now, you have opted for the last suggestion I made. It is pertinent at this stage to make things clear from the beginning. Do not fall prey of any sweet words. Do the right things before giving your daughter out. Let everything be stated, written, recorded and even captured.

Write all you wish for lad down. You want her to go school, she must not be taking out of the country without your consent, days you will be visiting, when you intend to take her back.

Please, don't rush. Write it by yourself, think over it and add more before looking for a lawyer. I know we have good lawyers here who will get it done pro bono. The lawyer will further advice on what to do. Let it be recorded. Take pictures and find a save place to keep.

Ma'am, I am writing from work experience. Don't let your vulnerability make you sell or give away that child. Thread with caution. I don't want to write further on this but please, proper and necessary documentation is of upmost necessity.

Today might be bleak but no one knows what the future holds. Don't take a step you will regret in life. Don't take a step that your daughter will curse you in future.

I wish you were down West, that man would be fished out and we make sure he takes responsibility. At least the parents will know they have a daughter outside if the man cannot cater for her.

Adoption is not what you joke with. Do the needful and I pray, God will guide you accordingly.

Next step moving forward, zip up. Tell yourself the truth. If it's school you want, struggle, it will end in praise. If it's business, hussle, God will crown your effort. I know from your little experience, you have learnt and seen the other side of life especially men.

Mizflo:
Thanks for the advice. I have lost faith in Jesus because if he was there I wouldn’t have been suffering like this . I don’t want to look for him because he has never care about me and I don’t want to know him

Hmmmmmm.

Ask for His help, He will help you.

He is not the one making you suffer, it is the fallen system of the world resulting in patterns playing out in your life.

He has the ability to make you whole body, soul and spirit.