₦airaland Forum

GerogeI:
Well, can I steal you from this your boyfriend. I like women who are focused and think?

Have you thought about dating some other person or are you stuck on him.

In fairness, guys like women to show the feminine side, at least few times in a while. To be talkative, flirt, be vain, ask for help, damsel in distress way, not role challenging way, to cook, to cry, to be totally hooked on them, buy new clothes, and look sexy, to be callous in spending. Just a few times in a while.
I think women call that being "sophisticated". Good looking, achiever, tending towards independence.

But you have a mans mind, objective and focused, with a woman's heart- emotional and depressed. You need to be more feminine a bit, without loosing your focused approach to life, but still have some fun.

I will tell you a secret my grandmother teaches her women folks in the villages. "What ever money you save for your husband by looking shabby, unkept or uninteresting, will be used to fund another woman outside to keep looking fabulous"

A man is moved by sight first, before his heart.
You do not do a typical man favour by not spending his money, he will not see that beauty.
Spend it a little, but not callously.

Localchampion:
I'm really confused about my boyfriend if hes worthy of getting married to.
We are in a long distant relationship, we hardly see, sometimes thrice in a year, but I believe the reason we are still together is because its a distant relationship, as each time I go to Enugu to greet him and stay for 2weeks, my love for him is always reduced.
So much this time around, we haven't seen for a year, and I had something important to do in Enugu, so I decided to stay in his place and use the opportunity to greet him. The first 4days, we were totally fine with each other, as I was busy with doing the stuff I came to do. Meanwhile, I didn't spend his money, as I came with my money and give him money to buy me food, so for the first 3days he was the one buying the cooked foods we ate, but I would give him 1k. Naturally, I don't eat outside, nor do I eat junks, but because he said he doesn't have money, I just pitied him and did not mention the fact that he should get foodstuffs, I don't want him to start feeling bad that he has no money plus I was even busy, remember I came for a purpose. And I don't use it as attitudes for him, I'm a very happy enduring lady.

Now after the fourth day that I finished the program I originally came for, I lost my money, about 150,000, truth is when I'm sad, im usually harsher, and would not talk much, would become exessively quiet, because if I talk, I may start to cry, this is when problem started between us, he acted unconcerned about my predicament, I just ignored him, trying to see how I can get back my money. And the truth is, if I get the money, I will surely give him part of the money, there's no time I will make money and not give him. So for like two days, I was in depression due to my money, I didnt sweep, I was just sighning, and not cheerful to him, the next day afterwards, was when he bursted, and started talking
1. He said I'm useless to him
2. He compared me with other people's girlfriend, how they take care of their boyfriend, how they cook for them, cook extremely homey food for them.
3. He said his friends couldn't visit him because I'm in his house, and thus hes missing because the fact that I'm in his house I'm useless, not doing anything for him, and yet his friends couldn't come.
4. He said his cousins girl did this and that.
5. He said I'm talking of marriage, he said what is he marrying, he said when I'm not even showing any readiness bla bla bla
6. He said I should look at his house, does it look like a girl is there, he said his friend told him that since I'm around now, his cheeks would become bigger, and in his mind, he knew he would only grow thinner.
7. He said I should leave his house first thing tomorrow morning, since I'm not useful.
8. He said at this point, hes confused, if i want to break up, I should just let him know, because what is the point of our stay together
He said just too many hurtful things and those are the ones I could remember.
I was able to record some of those things, so I can relisten to them later. But he collected my phone and deleted all I recorded.

All through, I was just quiet and smiling because I don't even know where to start replying him and he was very serious, his face was in a fight mood, I don't wanna talk because I really don't like problems or fight. Then later, he said I must say something, he seized my phone, and almost made me loose a deal.

I just kept quiet, later when I started talking, he denied having said USELESS, something he mentioned more than twice and apologized swiftly.

All his accusations were wrong because the reason I didn't cook is because he has no single food at home and hes the one always complaining he has no money, so I just taught that, I wouldn't make my stay to disrupt his life, he knew I hate eating outside, and the fact that we buy food is something I am enduring, because the foods makes me nauseated each time I eat them. He knows how much i cook for him when he comes visiting me, I will cook several things, what I can't even eat myself due to financial problems, I am the one always fighting him to cook that Junks are unhealthy. But just because I was pitying him, I didn't bring up the idea of cooking, he accused me of being useless, he said I'm the one to bring up the idea as a girlfriend, bla bla bla.

Later that day, I brought the idea and he gave me 5k to the market, I cooked and did everything. I didn't buy a single food I could eat (I don't eat pasters), because the money isn't enough, so I just bought foods he likes and made a nice sauce. His friend came visiting, I packed foods for her and did normal. His friend called him to relate how I treated her, this is when my boyfriend started filling extremely happy, and thanking God for meeting me, saying nice things.

Since then, he has been saying stuffs of how much he's been gifted to have me bla bla bla, to me, whatever I have for him has greatly reduced, because I don't know the Essence of the relationship, because to him, its a roleship, where I must do my roles and if I miss, he won't even think why could I have missed it, if its intentionally, was it because I'm sad, the next thing he would be saying is if we should break up or not. Now, this is someone I never compared with anyone, I don't even compare people, I just do normal to him, like I will do to a brother, plan for him, etc, yet he compares me all the time and wants me to live like the other average girls that are using iphones.

I told him yesterday that since he wants a roleship, he would also man up, and for the first time in our 5years relationship, I started behaving like the normal girls, I asked him for money to make my hair, he doesn't have, I asked him for money for cream, he doesn't have and he has been angry because I told him I don't care whether he has money or not, since I must do my roles, he should also do his roles, and for the first time I also compared him and told him what men are doing for their girls.

He has been frowning and sad since I said those words to him, because they are deep, I just served him exactly what he did to me. I'm not happy, I'm doing that to him, I'm even sad I'm telling him all these because this is not me. I'm still going to make him realize how useless he is in my life, absolutely useless, and that is the truth, since he sees our relationship as a role one, then hes useless.

I can't marry him like this, God forbids, someone who can't endure due to the situation of things and understand, and he wants me to understand his own and endure for him, its not just possible for me, and he's good at talking, abusing, bullying, etc. Hes the one that will tell me to snap pictures for him, I will tell him I don't have clothes, he will say ''Go and Buy now'', He will bully me with my hair and compare it with that of other girls. He wasn't broke before the lockdown, but I didn't collect money from him because I want him to achieve and grow with the money, so that by the time we get married, he would be financially very okay.

Please should I marry this kind of Man? I really don't know why I should because it seems his happiness towards me, his affection and romance is dependent on fulfilling ROLES in his head.

jaxxy:
Ur boyfriend is selfish and self centered. It will end it tears or daily complains. Look at all the comparisons already happening and these are just the minor issues going out of hand. What if when it gets to bigger issues?

Long distance relationship with sm1 u can’t synx or understand is a recipe for disaster if u don’t fix it properly. That will take good communication and sensible discussions and all issues and subjects. If not find somebody else. Nobody is perfect bt Don’t manage rubbish.

Localchampion:
I'm really confused about my boyfriend if hes worthy of getting married to.
We are in a long distant relationship, we hardly see, sometimes thrice in a year, but I believe the reason we are still together is because its a distant relationship, as each time I go to Enugu to greet him and stay for 2weeks, my love for him is always reduced.
So much this time around, we haven't seen for a year, and I had something important to do in Enugu, so I decided to stay in his place and use the opportunity to greet him. The first 4days, we were totally fine with each other, as I was busy with doing the stuff I came to do. Meanwhile, I didn't spend his money, as I came with my money and give him money to buy me food, so for the first 3days he was the one buying the cooked foods we ate, but I would give him 1k. Naturally, I don't eat outside, nor do I eat junks, but because he said he doesn't have money, I just pitied him and did not mention the fact that he should get foodstuffs, I don't want him to start feeling bad that he has no money plus I was even busy, remember I came for a purpose. And I don't use it as attitudes for him, I'm a very happy enduring lady.

Now after the fourth day that I finished the program I originally came for, I lost my money, about 150,000, truth is when I'm sad, im usually harsher, and would not talk much, would become exessively quiet, because if I talk, I may start to cry, this is when problem started between us, he acted unconcerned about my predicament, I just ignored him, trying to see how I can get back my money. And the truth is, if I get the money, I will surely give him part of the money, there's no time I will make money and not give him. So for like two days, I was in depression due to my money, I didnt sweep, I was just sighning, and not cheerful to him, the next day afterwards, was when he bursted, and started talking
1. He said I'm useless to him
2. He compared me with other people's girlfriend, how they take care of their boyfriend, how they cook for them, cook extremely homey food for them.
3. He said his friends couldn't visit him because I'm in his house, and thus hes missing because the fact that I'm in his house I'm useless, not doing anything for him, and yet his friends couldn't come.
4. He said his cousins girl did this and that.
5. He said I'm talking of marriage, he said what is he marrying, he said when I'm not even showing any readiness bla bla bla
6. He said I should look at his house, does it look like a girl is there, he said his friend told him that since I'm around now, his cheeks would become bigger, and in his mind, he knew he would only grow thinner.
7. He said I should leave his house first thing tomorrow morning, since I'm not useful.
8. He said at this point, hes confused, if i want to break up, I should just let him know, because what is the point of our stay together
He said just too many hurtful things and those are the ones I could remember.
I was able to record some of those things, so I can relisten to them later. But he collected my phone and deleted all I recorded.

All through, I was just quiet and smiling because I don't even know where to start replying him and he was very serious, his face was in a fight mood, I don't wanna talk because I really don't like problems or fight. Then later, he said I must say something, he seized my phone, and almost made me loose a deal.

I just kept quiet, later when I started talking, he denied having said USELESS, something he mentioned more than twice and apologized swiftly.

All his accusations were wrong because the reason I didn't cook is because he has no single food at home and hes the one always complaining he has no money, so I just taught that, I wouldn't make my stay to disrupt his life, he knew I hate eating outside, and the fact that we buy food is something I am enduring, because the foods makes me nauseated each time I eat them. He knows how much i cook for him when he comes visiting me, I will cook several things, what I can't even eat myself due to financial problems, I am the one always fighting him to cook that Junks are unhealthy. But just because I was pitying him, I didn't bring up the idea of cooking, he accused me of being useless, he said I'm the one to bring up the idea as a girlfriend, bla bla bla.

Later that day, I brought the idea and he gave me 5k to the market, I cooked and did everything. I didn't buy a single food I could eat (I don't eat pasters), because the money isn't enough, so I just bought foods he likes and made a nice sauce. His friend came visiting, I packed foods for her and did normal. His friend called him to relate how I treated her, this is when my boyfriend started filling extremely happy, and thanking God for meeting me, saying nice things.

Since then, he has been saying stuffs of how much he's been gifted to have me bla bla bla, to me, whatever I have for him has greatly reduced, because I don't know the Essence of the relationship, because to him, its a roleship, where I must do my roles and if I miss, he won't even think why could I have missed it, if its intentionally, was it because I'm sad, the next thing he would be saying is if we should break up or not. Now, this is someone I never compared with anyone, I don't even compare people, I just do normal to him, like I will do to a brother, plan for him, etc, yet he compares me all the time and wants me to live like the other average girls that are using iphones.

I told him yesterday that since he wants a roleship, he would also man up, and for the first time in our 5years relationship, I started behaving like the normal girls, I asked him for money to make my hair, he doesn't have, I asked him for money for cream, he doesn't have and he has been angry because I told him I don't care whether he has money or not, since I must do my roles, he should also do his roles, and for the first time I also compared him and told him what men are doing for their girls.

He has been frowning and sad since I said those words to him, because they are deep, I just served him exactly what he did to me. I'm not happy, I'm doing that to him, I'm even sad I'm telling him all these because this is not me. I'm still going to make him realize how useless he is in my life, absolutely useless, and that is the truth, since he sees our relationship as a role one, then hes useless.

I can't marry him like this, God forbids, someone who can't endure due to the situation of things and understand, and he wants me to understand his own and endure for him, its not just possible for me, and he's good at talking, abusing, bullying, etc. Hes the one that will tell me to snap pictures for him, I will tell him I don't have clothes, he will say ''Go and Buy now'', He will bully me with my hair and compare it with that of other girls. He wasn't broke before the lockdown, but I didn't collect money from him because I want him to achieve and grow with the money, so that by the time we get married, he would be financially very okay.

Please should I marry this kind of Man? I really don't know why I should because it seems his happiness towards me, his affection and romance is dependent on fulfilling ROLES in his head.

Luckysbab:
Madam sabi sabi... Was she the one sending him food money before she added to his liability?

So if he had short notice and is coincidentally broke that period, he should go and steal?

Perhaps, a man should never go broke at any point in his life.

cococandy:
He can’t provide yet he wants you to be his homely wife material who also provides for him while pampering him.

You go suffer tire. He should choose a role and stick with it. Otherwise you will be stuck doing everything in the marriage and his ungrateful behind will never thank you for it.

He’s comparing you to his friends girlfriends. Try compare him to other people boyfriends and see how he measures up to them.

Localchampion:
I agree. I'm really tired of all his tantrums.

DirtyGold:
You admit that you don't give him money (you're not sponsoring him in anyway) but the once or twice you did spend your money on your relationship, you highlighted it and made your one-sided story all about it.
I take this your story with a big pinch of salt. Women are always the victim especially when the man starts struggling (even for a short while - all he has done and built prior becomes invalid).
When he gave you money to cook he was happy and showered you with accolades which was different when you were feeling like madam ordering him to buy your food from outside because you are paying for it. The money you were using to buy outside could have been used to stuff the house and make home meals since that is what you love and what makes him happy obviously. But, nah... his money is for both of you and yours is for you alone.
You didn't tell us how he was giving you and sustaining the relationship for the past five years o. But, because you have now and he doesn't, you feel you are too good for him (you're most likely not to admit this though).

Ofcourse, you will not tell us your attitude and likely disrespectfulness towards him that irks him because this is your story and you want a rich guy that'll be spoiling you. THERE IS NO WAY HE COULD HAVE RANTED OUT OF FRUSTRATION and not highlight some cold truths that in honesty puts the blame on you (which you conveniently left out of this story or - resorted to selective attention to ignore)

Sister, you already know what you will do. Please, do it quickly and let the young man find someone that can be truly supportive without making him feel inadequate about it.

What's tha business?

watchindelta:
Relationship ummm I tired you can't satisfy women, gave they money some will still complain money is not everything, gave they love some go still complain love is not everything! The question is what do women really want? Am scared to really marry

watchindelta:
Relationship ummm I tired you can't satisfy women, gave they money some will still complain money is not everything, gave they love some go still complain love is not everything! The question is what do women really want? Am scared to really marry

pocohantas:
Wonderful.

dingbang:
Can i see your picture please? Update it on your profile, I want to check something first

Mayflowa:
It is what is it. To be sure you may need to go back there again and help out initially, then pretend to be sick to see how he handles things. You shouldn’t give him money while you go visiting him. You can bring him some gifts like brief. The idea is to see if this is one off. But know distance relationships re tricky. There is a tendency to forget your bad experience as soon as you leave his house when you start talking on phone. You tend to know more about your feelings when sharing same space. I am wondering why you are speaking of marriage for someone that is struggling with money. Marriage comes with more responsibility and lots of money. He should be concentrating on developing himself.

DirtyGold:
You admit that you don't give him money (you're not sponsoring him in anyway) but the once or twice you did spend your money on your relationship, you highlighted it and made your one-sided story all about it.
I take this your story with a big pinch of salt. Women are always the victim especially when the man starts struggling (even for a short while - all he has done and built prior becomes invalid).
When he gave you money to cook he was happy and showered you with accolades which was different when you were feeling like madam ordering him to buy your food from outside because you are paying for it. The money you were using to buy outside could have been used to stuff the house and make home meals since that is what you love and what makes him happy obviously. But, nah... his money is for both of you and yours is for you alone.
You didn't tell us how he was giving you and sustaining the relationship for the past five years o. But, because you have now and he doesn't, you feel you are too good for him (you're most likely not to admit this though).

Ofcourse, you will not tell us your attitude and likely disrespectfulness towards him that irks him because this is your story and you want a rich guy that'll be spoiling you. THERE IS NO WAY HE COULD HAVE RANTED OUT OF FRUSTRATION and not highlight some cold truths that in honesty puts the blame on you (which you conveniently left out of this story or - resorted to selective attention to ignore)

Sister, you already know what you will do. Please, do it quickly and let the young man find someone that can be truly supportive without making him feel inadequate about it.

What's tha business?

Fabric:
There are too many disturbing signs to ignore. How someone acts when angry tells you a lot about them. If u marry him, you'll have to take care of him, yourself and kids. He might also prefer spending time with his friends than u. Dont let d years u have spent in d relationship influence ur decision. For your future sanity, you might have to choose u. No marriage is perfect doesn't mean yours should be terrible.

Localchampion:
Gggg

Zeion422:
I need 2 clap 4myself for vein d time 2 read ur story to the end. To saga...u should be greatful for noticing his behaviour now,which is correctable at dis stage,u both should try an work it out.mind u no perfect one out der...

Localchampion:
.
I know, his happiness is the most annoying to me, when I cooked and all, as if I didn't wanna do it, as if he wasn't the one that was broke, since he gave me the money for the food, he has been complaining he has no money again. He wants his bread and cake same time.
Till now, he hasn't given me the money to make my hair and frowning that I'm asking him money when I know he doesn't, he said he would be more than happy to do them for me bla bla bla.

dingbang:
Can i see your picture please? Update it on your profile, I want to check something first