Localchampion:

Thanks

he's right, mind you, you are ageing and you're not a kid anymore.....by now you shouldn't be playing games with your relationship.....it will surely affect you most and mind you he has options

Localchampion:
I'm really confused about my boyfriend if hes worthy of getting married to.
We are in a long distant relationship, we hardly see, sometimes thrice in a year, but I believe the reason we are still together is because its a distant relationship, as each time I go to Enugu to greet him and stay for 2weeks, my love for him is always reduced.
So much this time around, we haven't seen for a year, and I had something important to do in Enugu, so I decided to stay in his place and use the opportunity to greet him. The first 4days, we were totally fine with each other, as I was busy with doing the stuff I came to do. Meanwhile, I didn't spend his money, as I came with my money and give him money to buy me food, so for the first 3days he was the one buying the cooked foods we ate, but I would give him 1k. Naturally, I don't eat outside, nor do I eat junks, but because he said he doesn't have money, I just pitied him and did not mention the fact that he should get foodstuffs, I don't want him to start feeling bad that he has no money plus I was even busy, remember I came for a purpose. And I don't use it as attitudes for him, I'm a very happy enduring lady.

Now after the fourth day that I finished the program I originally came for, I lost my money, about 150,000, truth is when I'm sad, im usually harsher, and would not talk much, would become exessively quiet, because if I talk, I may start to cry, this is when problem started between us, he acted unconcerned about my predicament, I just ignored him, trying to see how I can get back my money. And the truth is, if I get the money, I will surely give him part of the money, there's no time I will make money and not give him. So for like two days, I was in depression due to my money, I didnt sweep, I was just sighning, and not cheerful to him, the next day afterwards, was when he bursted, and started talking
1. He said I'm useless to him
2. He compared me with other people's girlfriend, how they take care of their boyfriend, how they cook for them, cook extremely homey food for them.
3. He said his friends couldn't visit him because I'm in his house, and thus hes missing because the fact that I'm in his house I'm useless, not doing anything for him, and yet his friends couldn't come.
4. He said his cousins girl did this and that.
5. He said I'm talking of marriage, he said what is he marrying, he said when I'm not even showing any readiness bla bla bla
6. He said I should look at his house, does it look like a girl is there, he said his friend told him that since I'm around now, his cheeks would become bigger, and in his mind, he knew he would only grow thinner.
7. He said I should leave his house first thing tomorrow morning, since I'm not useful.
8. He said at this point, hes confused, if i want to break up, I should just let him know, because what is the point of our stay together
He said just too many hurtful things and those are the ones I could remember.
I was able to record some of those things, so I can relisten to them later. But he collected my phone and deleted all I recorded.

All through, I was just quiet and smiling because I don't even know where to start replying him and he was very serious, his face was in a fight mood, I don't wanna talk because I really don't like problems or fight. Then later, he said I must say something, he seized my phone, and almost made me loose a deal.

I just kept quiet, later when I started talking, he denied having said USELESS, something he mentioned more than twice and apologized swiftly.

All his accusations were wrong because the reason I didn't cook is because he has no single food at home and hes the one always complaining he has no money, so I just taught that, I wouldn't make my stay to disrupt his life, he knew I hate eating outside, and the fact that we buy food is something I am enduring, because the foods makes me nauseated each time I eat them. He knows how much i cook for him when he comes visiting me, I will cook several things, what I can't even eat myself due to financial problems, I am the one always fighting him to cook that Junks are unhealthy. But just because I was pitying him, I didn't bring up the idea of cooking, he accused me of being useless, he said I'm the one to bring up the idea as a girlfriend, bla bla bla.

Later that day, I brought the idea and he gave me 5k to the market, I cooked and did everything. I didn't buy a single food I could eat (I don't eat pasters), because the money isn't enough, so I just bought foods he likes and made a nice sauce. His friend came visiting, I packed foods for her and did normal. His friend called him to relate how I treated her, this is when my boyfriend started filling extremely happy, and thanking God for meeting me, saying nice things.

Since then, he has been saying stuffs of how much he's been gifted to have me bla bla bla, to me, whatever I have for him has greatly reduced, because I don't know the Essence of the relationship, because to him, its a roleship, where I must do my roles and if I miss, he won't even think why could I have missed it, if its intentionally, was it because I'm sad, the next thing he would be saying is if we should break up or not. Now, this is someone I never compared with anyone, I don't even compare people, I just do normal to him, like I will do to a brother, plan for him, etc, yet he compares me all the time and wants me to live like the other average girls that are using iphones.

I told him yesterday that since he wants a roleship, he would also man up, and for the first time in our 5years relationship, I started behaving like the normal girls, I asked him for money to make my hair, he doesn't have, I asked him for money for cream, he doesn't have and he has been angry because I told him I don't care whether he has money or not, since I must do my roles, he should also do his roles, and for the first time I also compared him and told him what men are doing for their girls.

He has been frowning and sad since I said those words to him, because they are deep, I just served him exactly what he did to me. I'm not happy, I'm doing that to him, I'm even sad I'm telling him all these because this is not me. I'm still going to make him realize how useless he is in my life, absolutely useless, and that is the truth, since he sees our relationship as a role one, then hes useless.

I can't marry him like this, God forbids, someone who can't endure due to the situation of things and understand, and he wants me to understand his own and endure for him, its not just possible for me, and he's good at talking, abusing, bullying, etc. Hes the one that will tell me to snap pictures for him, I will tell him I don't have clothes, he will say ''Go and Buy now'', He will bully me with my hair and compare it with that of other girls. He wasn't broke before the lockdown, but I didn't collect money from him because I want him to achieve and grow with the money, so that by the time we get married, he would be financially very okay.

Please should I marry this kind of Man? I really don't know why I should because it seems his happiness towards me, his affection and romance is dependent on fulfilling ROLES in his head.

You might be dealing with a narcissist.Read the link below.


Here is a list of what Abusers/Narcissists usually do to their targets :

- Insults their target very often. Then lie when confronted about it, or say it was a joke.
- When confronted with their behavior, they pretend to be innocent and play the victim.
- Everything is always your fault, even when it's obviously not.
- They always have a justification for every bad thing they do. They think they're always right.
- Very controlling, they tell you how to live, but they can live anyway they want. Very hypocritical.
- They accuse you of what they're doing to you (RED FLAG!), it's called Projection.
- Portraying themselves as angels outside, when they are actually demons with their family and especially their target.
- They want you to fail, while pretending to want you to succeed (they're very convincing).
- They never say they are sorry for hurting you (RED FLAG!).
- Poison your favorite activities, they don't want you to be happy or to get pleasure. They also poison other useful activities like important skills which will help you in the future. They DO NOT want you to have skills, they want you to be as weak as possible. They don't teach you anything.
- Subtly lead a smear campaign against their target, so they isolate it and make sure they don't get help.
- When you want to leave the relationship with a narcissist, they beg you to stay with them and cry crocodile tears. They are the best actors.
- Sometimes nice, sometimes cruel. You never know where you stand with them.
- They pretend to be "victims", and they blame the target for their own behavior.
- They are incredibly arrogant and sadistic. They see the target as weak, and deserving to suffer.
- They think they are models to be followed.
- They are spiritually dead although they might loudly profess some kind of Spiritual Belief.

https://www.nairaland.com/5855395/main-difference-narcissistic-men-women#89506775

I guess you're going to read all the replies on this thread since you created it. Love can reduce anytime there's a problem or it can build up more it depends on the way you end up approaching the issue.
You never stated if your boyfriend loves you but I'm guessing he does since you guys has been in relationship for 5 years unless you say otherwise.

I can't say if he's a good person or not. But he's clearly not reasonable when it what you described as roleship. I sense that you guys are starting to pour a lot of deep grudges and annoyance towards eachother in your minds.

I would suggest you talk to him about these things in you mentioned here in the most calm manner. A lot of the advice you will get here will poison your mind which would make things worse.

When you guys are able to successfully talk about what you want then you can decide from the outcome of the calm discussion if you still want to stick to him or you want to move. It may take time before both of you calm down to be able to reach a peaceful conversation on this topic at that, so please exercise a little patience.

One other thing is you mentioned you don't talk when you don't feel happy. Believe me, that behaviour is a relationship killer on it's own and you really need to learn how to voice out if not you might head down the wrong path.

Who knows, you said he didn't even bother talking to you when you lost your money. It is possible he already got fed up and used to the silence you give whenever there's an issue. In fact, all these things could have started from there earlier in the relationship.

So just try and talk to him and also ask him what he doesn't like that you do I guess. You can make the best decisions for yourself from there. Don't let the comments here poison your mind o. But I also don't believe a woman should be doing the all in terms of finance, it should be mutual. Even if he doesn't have anything, you'd be able to tell from the little he does.

Discuss everything with him when you know you yourself are not angry. Good luck.

how can you marry someone who is constantly calling you useless?

Localchampion:
.
I know, his happiness is the most annoying to me, when I cooked and all, as if I didn't wanna do it, as if he wasn't the one that was broke, since he gave me the money for the food, he has been complaining he has no money again. He wants his bread and cake same time.
Till now, he hasn't given me the money to make my hair and frowning that I'm asking him money when I know he doesn't, he said he would be more than happy to do them for me bla bla bla.

sweetie ditch the guy. Trust me, it's gonna get worse.

NoToPile:


I also couldn't help but notice the bolded and especially the one in red.

Sadly, what she typed is the life of many Naija girls. When you think the ones who go about billing their men are the normal ones- that tells a lot. However, I don’t have pity for majority of the billed. They deserve themselves.

pocohantas:


They don’t learn. They will still use her as case study on how women age faster. While the guy will be on NL, claiming to fund 80% recurring expenses.

Happens all the time

Localchampion:
Hhh

You have said all there is to say.


If you value your happiness in life dump that asshole.... If you hate happiness then carry on with him

dukeprince50:
every relationship has its problem, there is no guarantee that the one u will marry won't give u problems.
u think happily married couples don't have misunderstandings? my friend work on ur relationship and stop asking questions, u will throw a relationship of 5yrs cos of this minor issue? I even thought he slapped and beat u up.
whenever something like this comes up again, u too should say some hurtful words to him as u seem fit.
No relationship is like what u see on movies, u have to build it. u haven't seen him for a year, there is a high chance the love has reduced, u have to pour more fuel again, stop doing delaytionship

Minor issue? You sabi reason at all?

This is minor issue?


How old are you

othermen:
Have you asked God?

This one is saying ask God.... How old are you people...

Localchampion:

I'm the one stopping him from doing that. The reason His yet to lay his hands on me is because I'm the quiet type when I'm very angry.
Also, till now, hes yet to give me money for those things I asked for, that would be a one sided role

If you love your happiness don't listen to the advice of many guys here, especially those guys telling you to stay with that selfish boyfriend....


Many guys here think they are red pilled but they are just online living things they have no idea what relationship is all about... Selfishness is an abomination don't tolerate it

My sis, you said it all.... He is a guy that after marriage, he will so depend on his wife for everything to the point that the wife may end up in MARRIAGE DEPRESSION.... Call it quit or make up ur mind to face his trouble till "death do u part"

But in my opinion think twice on the matter and make a good decision for yourself... LIFE IS NOT ALL ABOUT GETTING MARRIED BY FIRE BY FORCE..

Localchampion:
.
I know, his happiness is the most annoying to me, when I cooked and all, as if I didn't wanna do it, as if he wasn't the one that was broke, since he gave me the money for the food, he has been complaining he has no money again. He wants his bread and cake same time.
Till now, he hasn't given me the money to make my hair and frowning that I'm asking him money when I know he doesn't, he said he would be more than happy to do them for me bla bla bla.

I don't know how many times I have quoted you but listen, don't marry that guy. 29 years old acting like 19, go and look for better guy out there not this one...


I don talk my own, if you like continue...

DirtyGold:

You admit that you don't give him money (you're not sponsoring him in anyway) but the once or twice you did spend your money on your relationship, you highlighted it and made your one-sided story all about it.
I take this your story with a big pinch of salt. Women are always the victim especially when the man starts struggling (even for a short while - all he has done and built prior becomes invalid).
When he gave you money to cook he was happy and showered you with accolades which was different when you were feeling like madam ordering him to buy your food from outside because you are paying for it. The money you were using to buy outside could have been used to stuff the house and make home meals since that is what you love and what makes him happy obviously. But, nah... his money is for both of you and yours is for you alone.
You didn't tell us how he was giving you and sustaining the relationship for the past five years o. But, because you have now and he doesn't, you feel you are too good for him (you're most likely not to admit this though).

Ofcourse, you will not tell us your attitude and likely disrespectfulness towards him that irks him because this is your story and you want a rich guy that'll be spoiling you. THERE IS NO WAY HE COULD HAVE RANTED OUT OF FRUSTRATION and not highlight some cold truths that in honesty puts the blame on you (which you conveniently left out of this story or - resorted to selective attention to ignore)

Sister, you already know what you will do. Please, do it quickly and let the young man find someone that can be truly supportive without making him feel inadequate about it.

What's tha business?

To be honest with you, women should avoid men that think so retardedly like you

Localchampion:
Hhh

The truth is that if you marry him, you will be the husband of the house while he will relax and be the housewife that doesn't help but critisize

Localchampion:

Thanks, I just do pity him because hes the one that cares about his friends, what they will say if he breaks up with me, as he has actually overhyped me with his friends and families. As for me, I don't even have friends or discuss him with anyone.
Hes the one that would not allow his friends to hear word again that he has a wife to be already, all those things are even exhausting to me because I don't like him portraying me as perfect, its emotionally stressful for me, as I would have to live up to that where his family and friends are.

Hmmmm, it's obvious this guy loves u (to marry), rates u high & expects u to act as a wife material ( hence his fraustration in having to settle for bought food).

Unfortunately too he's husband material is not complete, that's why he couldn't care enough for ur lose & pain when u lost ur money ( but I sense that's his deliberate insensitivity, because he was already getting angry of not feeling ur presence even though u were around).

Point 1.. both of u have genuine intent to marry.
Point 2 .. both of u have attitudenal differences /shortcoming to brace up with (CHANGE)
.. U don't say because u lost ur money to sweep is even a big deal, u don't say because u were busy some brief fast food can't be made by u at home .. eg tea & bread, egg , yam etc ... money spent in buying food can do better and be more appreciated with fast home cooked food.
He too could have had a better way of letting u see ur mistakes than fraustratingly. Expecially he should be able to show care to ur lose & ur busy schedule too ... Not just about what u can do for him.

Point 3 ... Yeah u don't expect much from him .. that's why u don't complain but that doesn't mean it's right when he's not fulfilling his obligation, so as he's making u see ur roles as a woman, u need not take offence but to also logically he letting him see his roles too as a man .. that eventually makes u both sit up & be more responsible. U don't say because u condone his irresponsibility he should same to urs .. that will make u both irresponsible at d long run & a terrible omen for d family to be.

Lastly .. don't give up yet .. I feel there's love & commitment. The only prob here are attitudenal differences & expectations .. this every relationship have to contend with in one way or d other.

You said you will not marry him, same you is asking faceless bunch of individuals, some are robots though, if you should marry who you said you wont marry. Why are women this confused bunch, now your confusion is confusing my confusion, what is all this

Localchampion:

I'm the one stopping him from doing that. The reason His yet to lay his hands on me is because I'm the quiet type when I'm very angry.
Also, till now, hes yet to give me money for those things I asked for, that would be a one sided role

You already know what to do in your heart, but you just want to confirm it from us online. So here goes:


If you are going through this when you're still dating and both of you are supposed to be on your best behaviour towards each other, then imagine what's going to happen when you get married and you're both trapped by marriage.

My verdict, don't marry him. Take your time and look for someone who loves you and lives in the same city as you.

My sister going through your profile,I noticed that you have posted issues related to this one more than 2times and am sure this is really bothering you...
One thing you need to realise is that some relationship doesn't worth it.Yes,we all know that there is no perfect relationship,but when a relationship start becoming uncomfortable for one,it is better to end it. Remember that being in a relationship is not a do or die affair.

Localchampion:
I'm really confused about my boyfriend if hes worthy of getting married to.
We are in a long distant relationship, we hardly see, sometimes thrice in a year, but I believe the reason we are still together is because its a distant relationship, as each time I go to Enugu to greet him and stay for 2weeks, my love for him is always reduced.
So much this time around, we haven't seen for a year, and I had something important to do in Enugu, so I decided to stay in his place and use the opportunity to greet him. The first 4days, we were totally fine with each other, as I was busy with doing the stuff I came to do. Meanwhile, I didn't spend his money, as I came with my money and give him money to buy me food, so for the first 3days he was the one buying the cooked foods we ate, but I would give him 1k. Naturally, I don't eat outside, nor do I eat junks, but because he said he doesn't have money, I just pitied him and did not mention the fact that he should get foodstuffs, I don't want him to start feeling bad that he has no money plus I was even busy, remember I came for a purpose. And I don't use it as attitudes for him, I'm a very happy enduring lady.

Now after the fourth day that I finished the program I originally came for, I lost my money, about 150,000, truth is when I'm sad, im usually harsher, and would not talk much, would become exessively quiet, because if I talk, I may start to cry, this is when problem started between us, he acted unconcerned about my predicament, I just ignored him, trying to see how I can get back my money. And the truth is, if I get the money, I will surely give him part of the money, there's no time I will make money and not give him. So for like two days, I was in depression due to my money, I didnt sweep, I was just sighning, and not cheerful to him, the next day afterwards, was when he bursted, and started talking
1. He said I'm useless to him
2. He compared me with other people's girlfriend, how they take care of their boyfriend, how they cook for them, cook extremely homey food for them.
3. He said his friends couldn't visit him because I'm in his house, and thus hes missing because the fact that I'm in his house I'm useless, not doing anything for him, and yet his friends couldn't come.
4. He said his cousins girl did this and that.
5. He said I'm talking of marriage, he said what is he marrying, he said when I'm not even showing any readiness bla bla bla
6. He said I should look at his house, does it look like a girl is there, he said his friend told him that since I'm around now, his cheeks would become bigger, and in his mind, he knew he would only grow thinner.
7. He said I should leave his house first thing tomorrow morning, since I'm not useful.
8. He said at this point, hes confused, if i want to break up, I should just let him know, because what is the point of our stay together
He said just too many hurtful things and those are the ones I could remember.
I was able to record some of those things, so I can relisten to them later. But he collected my phone and deleted all I recorded.

All through, I was just quiet and smiling because I don't even know where to start replying him and he was very serious, his face was in a fight mood, I don't wanna talk because I really don't like problems or fight. Then later, he said I must say something, he seized my phone, and almost made me loose a deal.

I just kept quiet, later when I started talking, he denied having said USELESS, something he mentioned more than twice and apologized swiftly.

All his accusations were wrong because the reason I didn't cook is because he has no single food at home and hes the one always complaining he has no money, so I just taught that, I wouldn't make my stay to disrupt his life, he knew I hate eating outside, and the fact that we buy food is something I am enduring, because the foods makes me nauseated each time I eat them. He knows how much i cook for him when he comes visiting me, I will cook several things, what I can't even eat myself due to financial problems, I am the one always fighting him to cook that Junks are unhealthy. But just because I was pitying him, I didn't bring up the idea of cooking, he accused me of being useless, he said I'm the one to bring up the idea as a girlfriend, bla bla bla.

Later that day, I brought the idea and he gave me 5k to the market, I cooked and did everything. I didn't buy a single food I could eat (I don't eat pasters), because the money isn't enough, so I just bought foods he likes and made a nice sauce. His friend came visiting, I packed foods for her and did normal. His friend called him to relate how I treated her, this is when my boyfriend started filling extremely happy, and thanking God for meeting me, saying nice things.

Since then, he has been saying stuffs of how much he's been gifted to have me bla bla bla, to me, whatever I have for him has greatly reduced, because I don't know the Essence of the relationship, because to him, its a roleship, where I must do my roles and if I miss, he won't even think why could I have missed it, if its intentionally, was it because I'm sad, the next thing he would be saying is if we should break up or not. Now, this is someone I never compared with anyone, I don't even compare people, I just do normal to him, like I will do to a brother, plan for him, etc, yet he compares me all the time and wants me to live like the other average girls that are using iphones.

I told him yesterday that since he wants a roleship, he would also man up, and for the first time in our 5years relationship, I started behaving like the normal girls, I asked him for money to make my hair, he doesn't have, I asked him for money for cream, he doesn't have and he has been angry because I told him I don't care whether he has money or not, since I must do my roles, he should also do his roles, and for the first time I also compared him and told him what men are doing for their girls.

He has been frowning and sad since I said those words to him, because they are deep, I just served him exactly what he did to me. I'm not happy, I'm doing that to him, I'm even sad I'm telling him all these because this is not me. I'm still going to make him realize how useless he is in my life, absolutely useless, and that is the truth, since he sees our relationship as a role one, then hes useless.

I can't marry him like this, God forbids, someone who can't endure due to the situation of things and understand, and he wants me to understand his own and endure for him, its not just possible for me, and he's good at talking, abusing, bullying, etc. Hes the one that will tell me to snap pictures for him, I will tell him I don't have clothes, he will say ''Go and Buy now'', He will bully me with my hair and compare it with that of other girls. He wasn't broke before the lockdown, but I didn't collect money from him because I want him to achieve and grow with the money, so that by the time we get married, he would be financially very okay.

Please should I marry this kind of Man? I really don't know why I should because it seems his happiness towards me, his affection and romance is dependent on fulfilling ROLES in his head.

From all these pettiness you stated here,I can't even date you.
You were coming to someone's home,your boyfriend's house for that matter and you expect to have all things free, (Feeding, Housing, Utilities and all you have) can you imagine that?
I know he's your boyfriend but people deserves a bit of respect and sympathy.
knowing fully well that he wasn't bouyant,the first thing you should have done was to make a good meal for the two of you,but instead you were giving the dude ₦1k as if you are giving handout to your ward.
You should have head to a paid accomodation For those period of time you were in town and see how much it will cost you
You are a leech who doesn't deserve to be pampered.

Hello,

First be precise with the issue instead of this long epistle Nigeria problems is overwhelming we all need help so go straight to the point no time to check time straight to your matter the bottom line of your issue with your boyfriend is money, how far has your boyfriend tried getting a job, cos to be the man takes a lot of responsibility if he's really serious about marrying you, let him get a job even if 15K a month job at least its better collecting 1k....to...1k you are giving him lastly i don't expect you to stay with a guy and you cant even cook a decent meal?? Habah is it that bad any responsible well mannered babe would at least prepare something just for 2 in that area you scored zero, imagine your boyfriend complaining you cant tidy up his apartment at least you were there for 4 days and this is the same guy you have been dating how long?

Tell your guy to man up and get a job, as for you irrespective of the situation pls open up problem shared, is problem solved.

Good Day.

Cashalhaji:


Hmmmm, it's obvious this guy loves u (to marry), rates u high & expects u to act as a wife material ( hence his fraustration in having to settle for bought food).

Unfortunately too he's husband material is not complete, that's why he couldn't care enough for ur lose & pain when u lost ur money ( but I sense that's his deliberate insensitivity, because he was already getting angry of not feeling ur presence even though u were around).

Point 1.. both of u have genuine intent to marry.
Point 2 .. both of u have attitudenal differences /shortcoming to brace up with (CHANGE)
.. U don't say because u lost ur money to sweep is even a big deal, u don't say because u were busy some brief fast food can't be made by u at home .. eg tea & bread, egg , yam etc ... money spent in buying food can do better and be more appreciated with fast home cooked food.
He too could have had a better way of letting u see ur mistakes than fraustratingly. Expecially he should be able to show care to ur lose & ur busy schedule too ... Not just about what u can do for him.

Point 3 ... Yeah u don't expect much from him .. that's why u don't complain but that doesn't mean it's right when he's not fulfilling his obligation, so as he's making u see ur roles as a woman, u need not take offence but to also logically he letting him see his roles too as a man .. that eventually makes u both sit up & be more responsible. U don't say because u condone his irresponsibility he should same to urs .. that will make u both irresponsible at d long run & a terrible omen for d family to be.

Lastly .. don't give up yet .. I feel there's love & commitment. The only prob here are attitudenal differences & expectations .. this every relationship have to contend with in one way or d other.

Thanks so much, you got it right.
I believe I need to change the way I treat people, I treat them like how I would feel, I didn't wanna ask money because I thought he would feel bad about him being broke if I bring it up. I don't even know why I'm Like that, I do that also to my parents. There was a day my parents hurt mW with this thing too, they said in stingy thats why I don't invite friends to my house to eat, I told them its because I never had money while in school, and I was trying to manage, and my dad replied with who beg you not to ask for money, that sentence really hurts me. Because I was just pitying him when I was in school, that I have siblings always collecting from him and hes always saying(grumbling) where will I get this money now, so because of that, I only collect money necessary for school stuffs, I don't buy clothes or make my hair, even though its something I really love doing, but I just endure for my dad. And yet he said that to me. Seriously, I just felt like leaving the world when he said that to me. Because I don't know how to collect money from people grumbling, and worrying on how to get money. I think its a mental health disorder, since everyone is using it to abuse me, even my siblings, and now my boyfriend.

If they are fine and rich, why won't I collect money from them, but they are the one that put on a worrying face and I feel guilty collecting money from them.

davidadenrele:
Hello,

First be precise with the issue instead of this long epistle Nigeria problems is overwhelming we all need help so go straight to the point no time to check time straight to your matter the bottom line of your issue with your boyfriend is money, how far has your boyfriend tried getting a job, cos to be the man takes a lot of responsibility if he's really serious about marrying you, let him get a job even if 15K a month job at least its better collecting 1k....to...1k you are giving him lastly i don't expect you to stay with a guy and you cant even cook a decent meal?? Habah is it that bad any responsible well mannered babe would at least prepare something just for 2 in that area you scored zero, imagine your boyfriend complaining you cant tidy up his apartment at least you were there for 4 days and this is the same guy you have been dating how long?

Tell your guy to man up and get a job, as for you irrespective of the situation pls open up problem shared, is problem solved.

Good Day.

Lol

IamPlato:
I don't know how many times I have quoted you but listen, don't marry that guy. 29 years old acting like 19, go and look for better guy out there not this one...


I don talk my own, if you like continue...

Thanks, I will read them up

Op this is if you are still reading ooh
flee from that Bastard of a think you called
boyfriend. forget what everyone here is saying.
that you should endure him.
Endure what
My dear marriage was meant to enjoy not endure.

I repeat don't ever try to marry him
if not, "this will be greatest mistake
of your life."

A word is enough for the wise !

Localchampion:
I'm really confused about my boyfriend if hes worthy of getting married to.
We are in a long distant relationship, we hardly see, sometimes thrice in a year, but I believe the reason we are still together is because its a distant relationship, as each time I go to Enugu to greet him and stay for 2weeks, my love for him is always reduced.
So much this time around, we haven't seen for a year, and I had something important to do in Enugu, so I decided to stay in his place and use the opportunity to greet him. The first 4days, we were totally fine with each other, as I was busy with doing the stuff I came to do. Meanwhile, I didn't spend his money, as I came with my money and give him money to buy me food, so for the first 3days he was the one buying the cooked foods we ate, but I would give him 1k. Naturally, I don't eat outside, nor do I eat junks, but because he said he doesn't have money, I just pitied him and did not mention the fact that he should get foodstuffs, I don't want him to start feeling bad that he has no money plus I was even busy, remember I came for a purpose. And I don't use it as attitudes for him, I'm a very happy enduring lady.

Now after the fourth day that I finished the program I originally came for, I lost my money, about 150,000, truth is when I'm sad, im usually harsher, and would not talk much, would become exessively quiet, because if I talk, I may start to cry, this is when problem started between us, he acted unconcerned about my predicament, I just ignored him, trying to see how I can get back my money. And the truth is, if I get the money, I will surely give him part of the money, there's no time I will make money and not give him. So for like two days, I was in depression due to my money, I didnt sweep, I was just sighning, and not cheerful to him, the next day afterwards, was when he bursted, and started talking
1. He said I'm useless to him
2. He compared me with other people's girlfriend, how they take care of their boyfriend, how they cook for them, cook extremely homey food for them.
3. He said his friends couldn't visit him because I'm in his house, and thus hes missing because the fact that I'm in his house I'm useless, not doing anything for him, and yet his friends couldn't come.
4. He said his cousins girl did this and that.
5. He said I'm talking of marriage, he said what is he marrying, he said when I'm not even showing any readiness bla bla bla
6. He said I should look at his house, does it look like a girl is there, he said his friend told him that since I'm around now, his cheeks would become bigger, and in his mind, he knew he would only grow thinner.
7. He said I should leave his house first thing tomorrow morning, since I'm not useful.
8. He said at this point, hes confused, if i want to break up, I should just let him know, because what is the point of our stay together
He said just too many hurtful things and those are the ones I could remember.
I was able to record some of those things, so I can relisten to them later. But he collected my phone and deleted all I recorded.

All through, I was just quiet and smiling because I don't even know where to start replying him and he was very serious, his face was in a fight mood, I don't wanna talk because I really don't like problems or fight. Then later, he said I must say something, he seized my phone, and almost made me loose a deal.

I just kept quiet, later when I started talking, he denied having said USELESS, something he mentioned more than twice and apologized swiftly.

All his accusations were wrong because the reason I didn't cook is because he has no single food at home and hes the one always complaining he has no money, so I just taught that, I wouldn't make my stay to disrupt his life, he knew I hate eating outside, and the fact that we buy food is something I am enduring, because the foods makes me nauseated each time I eat them. He knows how much i cook for him when he comes visiting me, I will cook several things, what I can't even eat myself due to financial problems, I am the one always fighting him to cook that Junks are unhealthy. But just because I was pitying him, I didn't bring up the idea of cooking, he accused me of being useless, he said I'm the one to bring up the idea as a girlfriend, bla bla bla.

Later that day, I brought the idea and he gave me 5k to the market, I cooked and did everything. I didn't buy a single food I could eat (I don't eat pasters), because the money isn't enough, so I just bought foods he likes and made a nice sauce. His friend came visiting, I packed foods for her and did normal. His friend called him to relate how I treated her, this is when my boyfriend started filling extremely happy, and thanking God for meeting me, saying nice things.

Since then, he has been saying stuffs of how much he's been gifted to have me bla bla bla, to me, whatever I have for him has greatly reduced, because I don't know the Essence of the relationship, because to him, its a roleship, where I must do my roles and if I miss, he won't even think why could I have missed it, if its intentionally, was it because I'm sad, the next thing he would be saying is if we should break up or not. Now, this is someone I never compared with anyone, I don't even compare people, I just do normal to him, like I will do to a brother, plan for him, etc, yet he compares me all the time and wants me to live like the other average girls that are using iphones.

I told him yesterday that since he wants a roleship, he would also man up, and for the first time in our 5years relationship, I started behaving like the normal girls, I asked him for money to make my hair, he doesn't have, I asked him for money for cream, he doesn't have and he has been angry because I told him I don't care whether he has money or not, since I must do my roles, he should also do his roles, and for the first time I also compared him and told him what men are doing for their girls.

He has been frowning and sad since I said those words to him, because they are deep, I just served him exactly what he did to me. I'm not happy, I'm doing that to him, I'm even sad I'm telling him all these because this is not me. I'm still going to make him realize how useless he is in my life, absolutely useless, and that is the truth, since he sees our relationship as a role one, then hes useless.

I can't marry him like this, God forbids, someone who can't endure due to the situation of things and understand, and he wants me to understand his own and endure for him, its not just possible for me, and he's good at talking, abusing, bullying, etc. Hes the one that will tell me to snap pictures for him, I will tell him I don't have clothes, he will say ''Go and Buy now'', He will bully me with my hair and compare it with that of other girls. He wasn't broke before the lockdown, but I didn't collect money from him because I want him to achieve and grow with the money, so that by the time we get married, he would be financially very letokay.

Please should I marry this kind of Man? I really don't know why I should because it seems his happiness towards me, his affection and romance is dependent on fulfilling ROLES in his head.

...jeez, my kind of woman Sha. Anyway I don't have anything to say.all I will say is just that you need to think before you leap

Localchampion:



I can't marry him like this, God forbids, someone who can't endure due to the situation of things and understand, and he wants me to understand his own and endure for him, its not just possible for me, and he's good at talking, abusing, bullying, etc. Hes the one that will tell me to snap pictures for him, I will tell him I don't have clothes, he will say ''Go and Buy now'', He will bully me with my hair and compare it with that of other girls. He wasn't broke before the lockdown, but I didn't collect money from him because I want him to achieve and grow with the money, so that by the time we get married, he would be financially very okay.

U have made up your mind, so by asking NLders is just out of it.

Follow your mind.

If you like the way he's treats u , then u don't need any one advice.

From everything you've said and from your tone as well... you two don't understand each other.

You should not continue in the relationship if whenever he gets angry, he talks down on you.

thorpido:
He's not a kid at 29 but is acting like one.You don't have a matured man on your hands now.
You either quit or wait for him to grow.........if he does.

@OP. You should read this again

This is how majority of Nigeria men in Nigeria behaves they want both the traditional and modern women in one body but they are not ready to move an inch to play their role.

Relationship and marriage is not a do or die

The most important thing is love, if he truly love you, you can work on his Behaviors or Characters with prayers, but if the person concerned is not willing to change i will advice you to quit the relationship.

The truth is your boyfriend is kind of being self centered and at the same time immature. I like the fact that you turned the whole thing around in terms of the role playing that he was insisting on.

You have two options here. You can choose to leave him or try to see if you can work on his mentality before marriage. On no condition should such mentality go into marriage.

Have a conversation with him, make he realize the reason why you suddenly started demanding.

If he is able to see reasons with you, then he is teachable and can change. If not flee!!!