₦airaland Forum

anastasius:
Like you would not cheat him too like his brother

Drop this mindset, not everyone is interested in cheating. My friend wanted to use me and one other friend of his to check one another in handling some projects for him! Isn't it possible for two people to collude? Me? I have my life to live and it's enough for me. I don't want drama. I told him to trust the other guy because I trusted him too. End of story

optimusprime2
2. New Associations: there's a saying, "bird's of a feather flock together" look, if you change location you are likely to build strong relationships with new people and these new people tend to make you see the world from their own view, now that has it's advantages and disadvantages...
It's likely they move on with the progression of new association, leaving the old associations behind or pay less attention to old association as it is of less relevance.

I don't have problem with this, even you have family members that you are not in talking terms with

Obinnau:
Don't judge them until you leave.
Abroad no be the same as Naija. Too much responsibilities and no time for flimsy exchange of chats

Bad and wrong mentality. I have frnds that txt me despite living abroad. I’m the one who doesn’t like keeping intouch infact. I can be so into myself and work bt i don’t ignore them when I get their msgs cos that wud be rude and neither do they ignore mine. Whenever I remember them i holla to check on them and that’s how it shud be.

People just need to have good manners and aswell as know what frnds entails. We all have our busy lives and responsibilities not just those abroad.

SoccerUSA:
As seen in the topic, I have two friends that travelled to the U.S, One travelled 2014 and the other one 2017, though before they left we had a good vibes we were both close if not best friends before they left.

The one of 2014 stopped texting me at 2018 or so even when I wished him birthday wishes and same with the other. I knew this because I only texted them on Facebook and you will know when they read and not reply.

I don't hold any grudges against them though
Did you guys think it's normal? Like if I leave Nigeria, Would I also ignore my friends text even if they do not request anything from me?

Please can someone just explain to me so I won't see my friends (maybe former friends) as bad ones.

Op it’s also an attitude thing with “some” People when they accomplish sm stuffs and in a better position either ignore their frnds or even look down on them even when they live here in Nigeria. So it about about the attitude of the person to life changes/improvements than the location of the person.

YoungDaNaval:
Una dey try sha. All my guys wey dey abroad na when they chat me up I dey reply them. Even my uncle sef wey be diplomat na only WhatsApp status we dey view. Funny enough na them wey dey abroad dey complain say I no dey get their time.... I go just apologize and lock up

You're the real man, you've got to protect what you have and that's your self worth. We're like the same. Sometimes, I deliberately ignored calls from abroad because they could speak for over an hour with you.

My brother abi na sis, light u see has nothing in common with light. If u don't understand the. I suggest u read that again!

Bennysam:
If you haven't travel before , shut up

Excuse me it'd be best if you stay outta my mention....if ur sense of reasoning is defaulted fix it

Obinnau:
Don't judge them until you leave.
Abroad no be the same as Naija. Too much responsibilities and no time for flimsy exchange of chats

Not necessarily true. If you're doing well here in Nigeria ,the kind doing well whereby you can even travel to that Yankee or Jand to ball for a week or two and return to naija, these fake friends would definitely clinch to you. I know them well. They only form busy and 'too much responsibilities' for naija based people who they see as losers or potential leeches. Don't even argue. Facts only.

So in all your doings, do well. It will help you avoid knowing who amongst your 'friends' are fake friends.

anastasius:
Like you would not cheat him too like his brother

Not everyome is like you.
If I was fraudulent, i would have accepted to oversee his project.
Integrity is everything.

Blackmann001:
I laff very very hard..when someone says ppl abadon good friends cuz one gats to huzle while one is abroad.....

Lemme ask,which set of ppl huzles more on legit Nigerians abroad or Nigerians in Nigeria.....

Guy ppl don't sleep we don't go for outings,beaches, friends gatherings or even party...till specific period in the year..and someone says its cuz they realized they GATS huzle in their nu environment...

I laff!.... Ppl abroad trying to form "focused"... Nonsense!

Funny but a different perspective. Nice one

RTSC:
Not everyome is like you.

If I was fraudulent, i would have accepted to oversee his project.

Integrity is everything.

Story. E dey pain you

bcus dey think they av made it in life

optimusprime2:
Hey I couldn't just ignore this post...
At first I wanted to be blunt and straight out savage in my response, but it ocured to me that your post was honest and sincere meaning you are not aware of certain realities that exist outside of Nigeria, especially outside African territory, so I decided to be very detailed in breaking down certain things for your understanding ...

1. Adjustment: moving to US means moving to a new way of life, new setting, system, culture, environment, norms and practices etc now these aforementioned factors differ starkly from what one is accustomed to in Nigeria, infact strongly sticking to Nigerian norms in US hinders one from integrating properly in the society and that makes one a cultural deviant and of course that blocks one out from opportunities inthe society ... so how can that be avoided? Simple... by adjustment, evolving to catch up, however the results turnout differently with different people, some completely reject the past and move on while others hold on to the past but still look forward.

2. New Associations: there's a saying, "bird's of a feather flock together" look, if you change location you are likely to build strong relationships with new people and these new people tend to make you see the world from their own view, now that has it's advantages and disadvantages...
It's likely they move on with the progression of new association, leaving the old associations behind or pay less attention to old association as it is of less relevance.

3. The reality of being an immigrant: look, no matter how bad Nigeria is, you can never be an immigrant in your own country, you still enjoy specific "privilege". However in the US as an immigrant, it's not the same... firstly you have to bust your butt 24/7 to keep your head above water, you see these things called bills? They are real, and they can end up haunting you, especially if one just arrived and one is still trying to figure it out. Your friends may not tell you of some jobs they are doing just to stay afloat, honestly some jobs that they may have looked down on in Nigeria could be what they do on the regular and they may not have that state of mind to keep up communication with you, because you have no idea of what they are going through... then again maybe they left to the US on a visit visa and the reality of being illegal has caught up... infact ... bros let's stop the explanation on this immigrant life, just know that being an immigrant anywhere in the world is not an easy thing, not many people make it out in one piece at the end of the day... and this point is actually the most important point.

4. Time difference: this may seem like a little reason but bro it creeps up on you trust me... especially when one is working hard to pay them bills. Being in some parts of the US puts you 6, 7 or 8hrs off Nigerian time and that really just knocks it to you at the end of the day that, you live on different worlds. Now some people come to that reality and move on, while others may still hold on to the home team, look it varies across different people but it is a real condition. Relationships have ended due to the reality that time difference is actually a spatial separation.

5. "The Naija factor": I had to put this here because I ain't gonna lie, once one leaves Nigeria, the problems of Nigeria become very visible, appalling and disgusting when viewed from another country (I call it the enlightenment phase) especially in a system where everything works, in fact you ask yourself how you got stuck in a backward oriented system for so long... some people respond by totally alienating themselves from Nigeria or anything that has to do with Nigeria ... including people. Sad, but true.

6. Cultural struggles: This one right here is real... it first hits you when you realize in the U.S. that your accent in a language you thought yourself fluent in, is un-understandable... some people take in that fact very hard, like they literally go through socialization again just to straighten out their accents, sometimes even food becomes a difficult situation, because some people are not used to American food, others literally bump into boyfriends or girlfriends that culturally format them... in essence, people stop associations with people who don't help them in achieving social integration etc so the response level for different people varies

7. Education and training: Nothing is as enlightening as education, and trust me that is usually obtained in the US quickly, merely living in the American society educates you.
Once one becomes enlightened, old habits tend to be dropped, including old friends with old habits... the only thing that solves this particular point is if you are also updating yourself with a similar sort of education or training that enlightens you on the same level, otherwise a gap too wide on that regard, is a gulf indeed.

There are many other reasons but I decided to pick a few major ones to let you know why your stated instance happens mostly.

Ok.

maasoap:
You're the real man, you've got to protect what you have and that's your self worth. We're like the same. Sometimes, I deliberately ignored calls from abroad because they could for over an hour with you.

You're smart

From what I've read, it's based on the value of the person involved. If a friend based in Nigeria is financially comfortable, the level of respect accorded by the other friend based abroad will be different if the Nigerian based friend is not financially comfortable. On two occasions I contacted folks abroad, one for clarifications regarding a process and the other (maternal uncle) to assist me pay for course using his credit card while I transfer the equivalent to his Nigerian account. The uncle was even worried that I don't call to know about his wellbeing but that's because I'm extremely busy. Sometimes, I don't want to be seen as someone who disturbs a family man.

The solution to be being disrespected or snubbed by those abroad is is by adding value to yourself. There's no friend abroad who will avoid you if you work in say Seplat or operate a business or chain or businesses generating 5M naira monthly. Everything boils down to value. It's why Japan respects China because of the value the Chinese offer not because she likes China.

SoccerUSA:
He probably lost his memory �

Seriously

dasparrow:
Anyone who is genuinely your friend will make an effort to stay in touch. There used to be a time I used to work 10 hours a day 5 days a week and sometimes still go in to work on Saturdays in the United States. Despite my hectic schedule, I still made time for family and friends and stayed in touch so what are we saying?

That friend of yours is not a real friend. He is the kind of friend that is only available when things are not going too well for him. When things change for the better for him, he changes gear and starts to ignore those that were there for him when things were difficult for him. Is that a friend?

People who are proud will soon be humbled because pride comes before a fall. With the way things are going right now in the United States, many Americans both white and black who can afford it are even looking to migrate to other sane countries around the world. It is only Nigerians and those nationals who already come from highly dysfunctional countries where there are high levels of insecurity and rising levels of poverty that will see the United States as some heaven on earth despite their GMO laden, cancer-causing foods and lack of universal healthcare like we have in Western Europe.

White citizens from Germany, Netherlands, Scandinavian countries, Australia, New Zealand and Canada see the United States as a third world country with a Gucci belt. I have heard citizens of these advanced nations call United States a "third world country with the Gucci belt" several times before.

Ignore that "friend" of yours because he was never truly a friend to begin with. SHIKENA!

The best comment have read so far....most especially @ bolded

CaseSensitive:
In a typical Nigerian environment, you meet people and make friends in most social construct; from school to religious gatherings, bars, and friends who became friends through other friends etc. Many are more of social acquaintances than friends but we categorise them under the "friend" umbrella. I have a few of these set of people.

When you leave Nigeria, you're left with your own devices in a new environment where you have to figure your way in finding your ground, this self actualisation process can be daunting and the last thing you want to do is chatting with people who are probably not even as close to you. I figured when these people finds out you've left Nigeria, they tend to want to tighten the connection with you a lot more.

During the first few months to a year of leaving Nigeria, my Facebook inbox was flooded with messages until I deleted my account on Facebook. I'm definitely not a snub by any stretch but where's the time to sit behind a laptop to chat with people when you're trying to actualise your strategic goal of leaving the country? It's a totally different climate here. I left Nigeria over 9 years ago and had to start University education all over and I'm not ashamed or shy to turn down any financial favours because I'm a student.

I still keep in touch with close friends and family and the relationship hasn't changed one bit but I guess the reasons why Nigerians in diaspora don't really connect with people back home may be partly or wholy relatable to my reasons. Although I'm not excusing the fact that some Nigerians in diaspora are plain snubs and arrogant.

Hi, I'm about to be in the situation you're now with the starting over. Mind if I send a DM

With all due respect, I think you are whining. If this friend was in Nigeria, you would not be asking us why he is not talking to you. Since he or she is abroad, I will tell you why though. Well, it depends on some factors. These could be time difference, amount of responsibilities, number of jobs or work hours one does, new friends, and other reasons.

As a Nigerian living in Texas, I dropped some Nigerian friends that did not suit my current lifestyle. The ones I am in touch are loyal childhood friends that were for me, when I had nothing. And, they have always believed in me. Not once have they asked me for money. One of them called to tell me his mother was sick, but never asked for a penny. The conversation was not directed to finance; it was just a way to release the emotional stress on him. Out of the very few Nigerian friends who still share my life principles, I have encouraged three to leave the country. They are in developed countries now.

Never asked for a penny.

Now to the Nigerian friends I dropped, obviously these were not actually friends. I mean I had two bestfriends in secondary school, and they stopped keeping in touch when they got into FUTO. When I got into FUTO two years later, I made efforts to reconnect but I guess my swag no reach their big boys status o. So, I minded my business. Fast-forward a year later, I moved to the United States. I called them to reconnect, but they were doing big boys things. I cut them off. Three years ago, they heard I did a huge project in our city and my hometown. They rushed to reconnect, but it was too late. My thinking and lifestyle have surpassed them. They were losers. I could not even connect mentally during a conversation. It made me sad, and I cut them off completely in my life.

Besides these two, I had other Nigerian friends who I tried to connect with. That was during my first and second year in the States. People like my favorite physics and chemistry teachers. Everything was going greatly, until the chemistry teacher scammed me of 150,000 naira for his business. Never paid back at the agreed time, and he cut off all contact. He burnt himself a bridge that could have made him rich from my yearly stock-fish importations from Norway. Other so-called friends always texted and expected replies immediately. When I was busy at work, or with friends or even doing something important, they thought I was avoiding them. Sometimes, they blew up my phones. After a few hours, they resorted to insults. You know, try to remind you that without America, I would not have the guts to ignore their messages. Of course, I kicked them out of my life. No one wants that kind of negativity and stress in their lives. Inconsiderate bastards!

I will tell you why the Nigerian friends I am in touch with, have been with me all these years. They treat me the way I treat them- with respect, kindness and understanding. We literally grew from hungry poor kids to the men we are today. So, there is a kind of understanding there. If they text me and I do not reply, they know I am working hard to put provide food, access to health, and education to my family and people. Because of the nature of my job, I could go for days without replying a message. When I find the time to call them, they always appreciate it. It goes the same way with me when I reach out to them. Every conversation never mentioned money. Rather, it is about uplifting ourselves or an unfortunate mutual friend.

AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, CALL ON THE DAMN PHONE. Some busy adults do not have time to spend hours texting about irrelevant things.

If your friend is not keeping in touch with you, it is either huge responsibility, time management or simply because they have outgrown you. So, there will not be much to talk about with you.

It is normal thing for most Nigerians

Guy, there is an adage in Yoruba land that says, "Agba oo to gun koma fi sebi nu, aje ni n gbeniga." Meaning focus on your handwork and never be angry. If a man/woman can leave Nigeria for greener pasture and forget his/her spouse and children here, how much more a so called friend. Abeg bon am!

CaseSensitive:
In a typical Nigerian environment, you meet people and make friends in most social construct; from school to religious gatherings, bars, and friends who became friends through other friends etc. Many are more of social acquaintances than friends but we categorise them under the "friend" umbrella. I have a few of these set of people.

When you leave Nigeria, you're left with your own devices in a new environment where you have to figure your way in finding your ground, this self actualisation process can be daunting and the last thing you want to do is chatting with people who are probably not even as close to you. I figured when these people finds out you've left Nigeria, they tend to want to tighten the connection with you a lot more.

Bruh you said it all esp your first few points. Most of the people we roll with are not friends, they are acquaintances. I don’t have up to 5 people I’ll call friends, i mean people i can bleed for.

O.p nor vex u beg any of them for money? If yes forget it ur niggas will nvr chat u. But if no, dey were nvr ur guys.

SoccerUSA:
Thank you.
I understand
Real friends will always keep in touch no matter where they are.

My dear, sometimes they are in tight corners and don't want to say how it is o. Don't take it personal. Same person who ignores you might remember you in the next 10yrs and do more than you expected for you. Just allow them be. Tomorrow is very pregnant. Just pray that God gives you and them long life and uplifts you too.

tarantino1:
Hi, I'm about to be in the situation you're now with the starting over. Mind if I send a DM

Feel free

Gerrard59:
From what I've read, it's based on the value of the person involved. If a friend based in Nigeria is financially comfortable, the level of respect accorded by the other friend based abroad will be different if the Nigerian based friend is not financially comfortable. On two occasions I contacted folks abroad, one for clarifications regarding a process and the other (maternal uncle) to assist me pay for course using his credit card while I transfer the equivalent to his Nigerian account. The uncle was even worried that I don't call to know about his wellbeing but that's because I'm extremely busy. Sometimes, I don't want to be seen as someone who disturbs a family man.

The solution to be being disrespected or snubbed by those abroad is is by adding value to yourself. There's no friend abroad who will avoid you if you work in say Seplat or operate a business or chain or businesses generating 5M naira monthly. Everything boils down to value. It's why Japan respects China because of the value the Chinese offer not because she likes China.

Then that's not a true friend.... if respect is based on how big your pocket is.

I agree with the respect point though, there are ways a person can conduct themself and be respected, not necessarily only on the basis of what they have.

Etinosa1234:
I have a cousin that I’m older than with a year
We were tight friends when he was still in Nigeria

Then when he travelled to Australia , after I struggled to look for his fb username... he doesn’t reply my msgs... even if I comment under his posts, he’ll hardly reply

He’s not working or doing anything but he doesn’t reply my msg

His elder sister came back to Nigeria last year(that one is older than me with a year)

I asked her, give me ur WhatsApp number... let’s continue chatting when u get to Aussie, omo she jus snub me ooo

It’s ego that’s also doing some of them

I’ve stopped messaging them sha ... me self get self esteem

Las las i still wish them well

I have many cousins abroad but I was jus too close with this boy that I went through stress of searching for him online

Now I’m just planning my own movement out of this country lemme show the guy say abroad nor be anything for we Naija guys

For 80% of them it's EGO.

The rest see folks living in Nigeria as less privileged especially under the now government so they are scared your gonna beg for money soon hence the chat ignoring.

Las Las everybody go move #OluwaIsInvolved

RTSC:
I have ignored one in canada.
Blocked him completly.

This guy went to canada and stopped picking calls.

He was sending money home to build a house without realising that the brother was lavishing half and then using half for the building.

When he found out, he started trying to reach me through someone else so that I can help him oversee the project.

I told him to go to hell and don't call me again.

Those are people they call classic users, they only get in touch when they need something.

SoccerUSA:
As seen in the topic, I have two friends that travelled to the U.S, One travelled 2014 and the other one 2017, though before they left we had a good vibes we were both close if not best friends before they left.

The one of 2014 stopped texting me at 2018 or so even when I wished him birthday wishes and same with the other. I knew this because I only texted them on Facebook and you will know when they read and not reply.

I don't hold any grudges against them though
Did you guys think it's normal? Like if I leave Nigeria, Would I also ignore my friends text even if they do not request anything from me?

Please can someone just explain to me so I won't see my friends (maybe former friends) as bad ones.

I don't ignore my friends ooo.. Infact they all have my numbers n we do communicate on fb as well

SoccerUSA:
As much as I would not want to judge them.
Did you think checking on them in months is a filmsy exchange of chats?
I have things to do also don't make it look like I'm 'jobless' here

Compared to there NNE

You are super jobless

The system made you so


There, they can plan and stick to it

No rubbish lastma nepa or stupid employers madness

There they can decide to do four jobs at the same time

They traveled to hustle dear

No papers

Every day they are strategizing

You won’t understand it at all


UNTIL YOU GET THERE

GOOOGLE504:
For 80% of them it's EGO.

The rest see folks living in Nigeria as less privileged especially under the now government so they are scared your gonna beg for money soon hence the chat ignoring.

Las Las everybody go move #OluwaIsInvolved

You know the EGo pipu


You know the genuinely hustling busy peeps


NEVER TRUST IN THE ARM OF FLESH

DEM GO FALL YOUR HAND

STICK TO GOD

You are jobless' my dear
Because I kwon you are busy begging them money