SoccerUSA:
As seen in the topic, I have two friends that travelled to the U.S, One travelled 2014 and the other one 2017, though before they left we had a good vibes we were both close if not best friends before they left.

The one of 2014 stopped texting me at 2018 or so even when I wished him birthday wishes and same with the other. I knew this because I only texted them on Facebook and you will know when they read and not reply.

I don't hold any grudges against them though
Did you guys think it's normal? Like if I leave Nigeria, Would I also ignore my friends text even if they do not request anything from me?

Please can someone just explain to me so I won't see my friends (maybe former friends) as bad ones.

It's quite simple
1. Their daily lives diverge from your and unless you have a commonality that is geography agnostic such as faith or sport, you will naturally drift apart.
2. Dunbar's theory says there is a limit to how many people you can remain closely connected to - even on social media.

It's not a judgemental call on you. Nobody is looking down on you. It's just the way it is.

Sweetness4:
This topic reminds me of my secondary classmate that travelled out. We were good friends. 3years later he was added to our class whatsApp group chat. I commented and said hey it's been a while ooo. He asked of my name, I told him. He said he can't remember me. I was really embarrassed. Just 3years ooo. I started describing how we always gist and how we were encouraging ourselves during waec. (Shalayeing things) Lmao he said "i don't know who you are ooo". I was shocked.
Omo that was the last time we spoke.
I will travel out one day too. e be things ooo��

Funny enough he might nt remember u truly.... Some people forget people easily especially if they don't talk again for long tym...

Like me i never smell airport and i can barely recognise most of ma sec sch mate

A lot of struggle, things n everything on someone's mind
Those years we not talking a lot of people one would av met n stuff
So if they don't remember u..... Show them ur pics if they stil don't remember ulock up

Most of my secondary sch friend av really changed facially n all.... So only the few m very close with or some I stil communicate with.... That I can remember

It nt pride.... Sometimes it just like that n it normal

A-Acknowledge the fact that you are a sinner and that you cannot save yourself. Psalms 51: 5
B- Believe that it is only Jesus that can save you. Romans 10:10, Acts 4: 12
C- Confess your sins, repent from them and be converted (Never go back to them). Romans 10: 9. Call upon Jesus to forgive you and be saved today (Romans 10:13).

Follow these steps now please! Tomorrow may be too late! Death may come, Rapture may take place before you act! Don't delay!!!

SoccerUSA:
As seen in the topic, I have two friends that travelled to the U.S, One travelled 2014 and the other one 2017, though before they left we had a good vibes we were both close if not best friends before they left.

The one of 2014 stopped texting me at 2018 or so even when I wished him birthday wishes and same with the other. I knew this because I only texted them on Facebook and you will know when they read and not reply.

I don't hold any grudges against them though
Did you guys think it's normal? Like if I leave Nigeria, Would I also ignore my friends text even if they do not request anything from me?

Please can someone just explain to me so I won't see my friends (maybe former friends) as bad ones.

Listen carefully. They now have many other things to worry about.

You are not the only friend they have. From experience with their other friends, most eventually become demanding. They take the beautiful pictures to mean that those abroad have made it. People just trying to settle down.

Those who complain most certainly won't admit how demanding they are. Those demands become overwhelming. With so many demands, some can decide to turn their back on all but a few understanding ones. We have all been there.

Leave them alone if not responding. If you were good friends back in 9ja, water will eventually find its level.

Funny enough a friend travelled to Ghana and he stopped talking to me like wtf

optimusprime2:


Hey I couldn't just ignore this post...
At first I wanted to be blunt and straight out savage in my response, but it ocured to me that your post was honest and sincere meaning you are not aware of certain realities that exist outside of Nigeria, especially outside African territory, so I decided to be very detailed in breaking down certain things for your understanding ...

1. Adjustment: moving to US means moving to a new way of life, new setting, system, culture, environment, norms and practices etc now these aforementioned factors differ starkly from what one is accustomed to in Nigeria, infact strongly sticking to Nigerian norms in US hinders one from integrating properly in the society and that makes one a cultural deviant and of course that blocks one out from opportunities inthe society ... so how can that be avoided? Simple... by adjustment, evolving to catch up, however the results turnout differently with different people, some completely reject the past and move on while others hold on to the past but still look forward.

2. New Associations: there's a saying, "bird's of a feather flock together" look, if you change location you are likely to build strong relationships with new people and these new people tend to make you see the world from their own view, now that has it's advantages and disadvantages...
It's likely they move on with the progression of new association, leaving the old associations behind or pay less attention to old association as it is of less relevance.

3. The reality of being an immigrant: look, no matter how bad Nigeria is, you can never be an immigrant in your own country, you still enjoy specific "privilege". However in the US as an immigrant, it's not the same... firstly you have to bust your butt 24/7 to keep your head above water, you see these things called bills? They are real, and they can end up haunting you, especially if one just arrived and one is still trying to figure it out. Your friends may not tell you of some jobs they are doing just to stay afloat, honestly some jobs that they may have looked down on in Nigeria could be what they do on the regular and they may not have that state of mind to keep up communication with you, because you have no idea of what they are going through... then again maybe they left to the US on a visit visa and the reality of being illegal has caught up... infact ... bros let's stop the explanation on this immigrant life, just know that being an immigrant anywhere in the world is not an easy thing, not many people make it out in one piece at the end of the day... and this point is actually the most important point.

4. Time difference: this may seem like a little reason but bro it creeps up on you trust me... especially when one is working hard to pay them bills. Being in some parts of the US puts you 6, 7 or 8hrs off Nigerian time and that really just knocks it to you at the end of the day that, you live on different worlds. Now some people come to that reality and move on, while others may still hold on to the home team, look it varies across different people but it is a real condition. Relationships have ended due to the reality that time difference is actually a spatial separation.

5. "The Naija factor": I had to put this here because I ain't gonna lie, once one leaves Nigeria, the problems of Nigeria become very visible, appalling and disgusting when viewed from another country (I call it the enlightenment phase) especially in a system where everything works, in fact you ask yourself how you got stuck in a backward oriented system for so long... some people respond by totally alienating themselves from Nigeria or anything that has to do with Nigeria ... including people. Sad, but true.

6. Cultural struggles: This one right here is real... it first hits you when you realize in the U.S. that your accent in a language you thought yourself fluent in, is un-understandable... some people take in that fact very hard, like they literally go through socialization again just to straighten out their accents, sometimes even food becomes a difficult situation, because some people are not used to American food, others literally bump into boyfriends or girlfriends that culturally format them... in essence, people stop associations with people who don't help them in achieving social integration etc so the response level for different people varies

7. Education and training: Nothing is as enlightening as education, and trust me that is usually obtained in the US quickly, merely living in the American society educates you.
Once one becomes enlightened, old habits tend to be dropped, including old friends with old habits... the only thing that solves this particular point is if you are also updating yourself with a similar sort of education or training that enlightens you on the same level, otherwise a gap too wide on that regard, is a gulf indeed.

There are many other reasons but I decided to pick a few major ones to let you know why your stated instance happens mostly.

You just hit the nail bro

especially that "Naija factor"

SoccerUSA:


He probably lost his memory �

Lawd!

Bullshit. It all boils down to personalities. There are those who will always keep in contact no matter where they travel to or their status while the rest are *iska* Wind. Unfortunately sufferhead has made many Nigerians have shallow personalities & mentalities reason why they abound in the majority. I can't even be friends with people who think money is everything.

And I'm always surprised when folks abroad yarn a lot about those in their circles asking them for money, Making it seem like it's the norm. No, It is not! It's just a function of the friends you keep & the status of your family members. Did you grow up from a low class background, or have ties with folks with an entitlement mentality. Don't act all surprised later, I know more of those who send from here sef. Not every Nigerian is stupid to think living abroad is a bed of roses. Just another mode of slavery justified by the standard of living.

SoccerUSA:
As seen in the topic, I have two friends that travelled to the U.S, One travelled 2014 and the other one 2017, though before they left we had a good vibes we were both close if not best friends before they left.

The one of 2014 stopped texting me at 2018 or so even when I wished him birthday wishes and same with the other. I knew this because I only texted them on Facebook and you will know when they read and not reply.

I don't hold any grudges against them though
Did you guys think it's normal? Like if I leave Nigeria, Would I also ignore my friends text even if they do not request anything from me?

Please can someone just explain to me so I won't see my friends (maybe former friends) as bad ones.

They never ignore or abandon friends back home. Most of these guys living outside Nigeria are still looking for ways to get their feet on the ground.

I visited a friend in Canada about 10 years ago. He was unable to accommodate me because he was renting a room in a 3-bedroom house. He has no paper, then. Doing menial jobs to pay his rent and also to support his aged parents. How can this guy help friends at home when he himself looking for help?

His family were all complaining then that he failed to help them.

I thank God for him today because his story has changed.

To me, I don’t know why someone would rely on his or her friends because they are in the US or UK. Our people's expectations are too high. 100 people are waiting for a single guy to enrich them.

They don’t know their friend's condition, but everybody wants him to send them money and phones.

optimusprime2:


Hey I couldn't just ignore this post...
At first I wanted to be blunt and straight out savage in my response, but it ocured to me that your post was honest and sincere meaning you are not aware of certain realities that exist outside of Nigeria, especially outside African territory, so I decided to be very detailed in breaking down certain things for your understanding ...

1. Adjustment: moving to US means moving to a new way of life, new setting, system, culture, environment, norms and practices etc now these aforementioned factors differ starkly from what one is accustomed to in Nigeria, infact strongly sticking to Nigerian norms in US hinders one from integrating properly in the society and that makes one a cultural deviant and of course that blocks one out from opportunities inthe society ... so how can that be avoided? Simple... by adjustment, evolving to catch up, however the results turnout differently with different people, some completely reject the past and move on while others hold on to the past but still look forward.

2. New Associations: there's a saying, "bird's of a feather flock together" look, if you change location you are likely to build strong relationships with new people and these new people tend to make you see the world from their own view, now that has it's advantages and disadvantages...
It's likely they move on with the progression of new association, leaving the old associations behind or pay less attention to old association as it is of less relevance.

3. The reality of being an immigrant: look, no matter how bad Nigeria is, you can never be an immigrant in your own country, you still enjoy specific "privilege". However in the US as an immigrant, it's not the same... firstly you have to bust your butt 24/7 to keep your head above water, you see these things called bills? They are real, and they can end up haunting you, especially if one just arrived and one is still trying to figure it out. Your friends may not tell you of some jobs they are doing just to stay afloat, honestly some jobs that they may have looked down on in Nigeria could be what they do on the regular and they may not have that state of mind to keep up communication with you, because you have no idea of what they are going through... then again maybe they left to the US on a visit visa and the reality of being illegal has caught up... infact ... bros let's stop the explanation on this immigrant life, just know that being an immigrant anywhere in the world is not an easy thing, not many people make it out in one piece at the end of the day... and this point is actually the most important point.

4. Time difference: this may seem like a little reason but bro it creeps up on you trust me... especially when one is working hard to pay them bills. Being in some parts of the US puts you 6, 7 or 8hrs off Nigerian time and that really just knocks it to you at the end of the day that, you live on different worlds. Now some people come to that reality and move on, while others may still hold on to the home team, look it varies across different people but it is a real condition. Relationships have ended due to the reality that time difference is actually a spatial separation.

5. "The Naija factor": I had to put this here because I ain't gonna lie, once one leaves Nigeria, the problems of Nigeria become very visible, appalling and disgusting when viewed from another country (I call it the enlightenment phase) especially in a system where everything works, in fact you ask yourself how you got stuck in a backward oriented system for so long... some people respond by totally alienating themselves from Nigeria or anything that has to do with Nigeria ... including people. Sad, but true.

6. Cultural struggles: This one right here is real... it first hits you when you realize in the U.S. that your accent in a language you thought yourself fluent in, is un-understandable... some people take in that fact very hard, like they literally go through socialization again just to straighten out their accents, sometimes even food becomes a difficult situation, because some people are not used to American food, others literally bump into boyfriends or girlfriends that culturally format them... in essence, people stop associations with people who don't help them in achieving social integration etc so the response level for different people varies

7. Education and training: Nothing is as enlightening as education, and trust me that is usually obtained in the US quickly, merely living in the American society educates you.
Once one becomes enlightened, old habits tend to be dropped, including old friends with old habits... the only thing that solves this particular point is if you are also updating yourself with a similar sort of education or training that enlightens you on the same level, otherwise a gap too wide on that regard, is a gulf indeed.

There are many other reasons but I decided to pick a few major ones to let you know why your stated instance happens mostly.

All this does not compare with being a Nigerian, do you know the headache that comes with living in this country? It's ego or long distance abeg, let's tell ourselves the truth no matter how ugly it is.

Obinnau:
Don't judge them until you leave.
Abroad no be the same as Naija. Too much responsibilities and no time for flimsy exchange of chats

plus different huge time zone... most time wey you get time to chat they dey sleep vis versa

SegFault:

All this does not compare with being a Nigerian, do you know the headache that comes with living in this country? It's ego or long distance abeg, let's tell ourselves the truth no matter how ugly it is.

Of all the comments u only nailed it.
I am one who will never beg or borrow money from anyone. My rich and abroad based sibling think I am very proud bcoz I won't ask him for anything. The way I see it, I don't need to beg my own flesh and blood for help cos I have and will always give it to him if d roles where reversed... Yet I have had friends even some I helped graduate thru school ghost me when they go abroad.
It's simply like u said it... Cos I have also had friends who wasn't close when we were in school but we meet after they travel and we became tight

SoccerUSA:
As seen in the topic, I have two friends that travelled to the U.S, One travelled 2014 and the other one 2017, though before they left we had a good vibes we were both close if not best friends before they left.

The one of 2014 stopped texting me at 2018 or so even when I wished him birthday wishes and same with the other. I knew this because I only texted them on Facebook and you will know when they read and not reply.

I don't hold any grudges against them though
Did you guys think it's normal? Like if I leave Nigeria, Would I also ignore my friends text even if they do not request anything from me?

Please can someone just explain to me so I won't see my friends (maybe former friends) as bad ones.

/
It is because your discussions will not flow as before. They are facing different challenges and have different outlooks than before. Imagine the person thinking about bills, school, job and you are calling/texting them to discuss EPL, betnaija or BBN. You will be blocked indefinitely.

Different phases in life come with different interests and different friends.
/

Una even get strength to bother yourselves with snubs from friends who traveled abroad. Me that have almost half of my family abroad, and i have never asked them for any favor whatsoever. The craziest part is i dont even care.

You all forgot something important. He said they read his messages but didn't reply.

The truth is, some people would not want to continue the relationship you guys had due to one reason of the other. Reading and leaving my messages unanswered is the fastest way to tell me that we should stop communicating. Simple.

Op, thankfully you're not mad or angry with them. Just forget the whole thing and move on. Life no hard.

Sweetness4:
This topic reminds me of my secondary classmate that travelled out. We were good friends. 3years later he was added to our class whatsApp group chat. I commented and said hey it's been a while ooo. He asked of my name, I told him. He said he can't remember me. I was really embarrassed. Just 3years ooo. I started describing how we always gist and how we were encouraging ourselves during waec. (Shalayeing things) Lmao he said "i don't know who you are ooo". I was shocked.
Omo that was the last time we spoke.
I will travel out one day too. e be things ooo��

lol

Petyprincess:
Actually those that stopped talking after traveling out were never your real friends!!
I could remember last two years my friend was traveling to Canada i actually thought he was gonna stopped talking to me nd as someone who is crushing on me but he surprised me
He told me when is flight is moving,countries his flight will be connecting nd told me to put him in prayers that he should land safely,he was so transparent with me from the day he started his visa application to when he finished his degree,from applying to work permit etc,everything literally with unlimited pictures,struggles,reality that your normal friends wnt tell you!!

I have couple of friends living in abroad that i dnt talk to because we were not so close when they were living in Nigeria,they know they can't even deceive me like gullible Nigerians that think life there is bed of roses.

Some of my friends wnt let my status rest because of their abroad based friends,you will be seeing something like "my Toronto baby" "please bring me something from Dubai o" etc

If they stopped talking to you,you should ignore them also!! you ignore me i ignore you simple!!

Well said my sister.

op own even big pass my own.....
my own friend wey people dey call us brothers, na admission him just get to futminna. naso brotherhood take end.....

fykes:

Of all the comments u only nailed it.
I am one who will never beg or borrow money from anyone. My rich and abroad based sibling think I am very proud bcoz I won't ask him for anything. The way I see it, I don't need to beg my own flesh and blood for help cos I have and will always give it to him if d roles where reversed... Yet I have had friends even some I helped graduate thru school ghost me when they go abroad.
It's simply like u said it... Cos I have also had friends who wasn't close when we were in school but we meet after they travel and we became tight

The thing tire person. My uncle abroad feels he is some kind of Demi god because he managed to get there. My mom doesn't even give a rats and about him therefore she hardly calls him, but he uses his mouth to promise us shit like schooling abroad, gifts and all that trash, my mom at one point got angry and told us to stop taking him seriously, and that is what we started doing. Remember sometime back self my sister sent his wife a good luck message because she is a nurse in this covid era the woman read the message and couldn't even say thank you. Rubbish, maka you go overseas, ego kill them dia.

SoccerUSA:

My story different sha, though it must be because I am not abroad.
Before he travelled we buy ourselves gift on our birthdays can be as little as you can afford. Fast forward to days or months he arrived the US comes his birthday so I created an amazon account gave him and told him to pick anything of his choice. I paid for them.
You won't believe the guy went back to order things. He claimed it was a mistake I couldn't get a refund till date he later blocked me on all social mediums when I texted him.
Not everybody wants their money I just want to have a genuine relationship with them.

u can't do that to ur Nigeria friends , creat account for ur friend in Nigeria let them pick something too

Petyprincess:
Actually those that stopped talking after traveling out were never your real friends!!
I could remember last two years my friend was traveling to Canada i actually thought he was gonna stopped talking to me nd as someone who is crushing on me but he surprised me
He told me when is flight is moving,countries his flight will be connecting nd told me to put him in prayers that he should land safely,he was so transparent with me from the day he started his visa application to when he finished his degree,from applying to work permit etc,everything literally with unlimited pictures,struggles,reality that your normal friends wnt tell you!!

I have couple of friends living in abroad that i dnt talk to because we were not so close when they were living in Nigeria,they know they can't even deceive me like gullible Nigerians that think life there is bed of roses.

Some of my friends wnt let my status rest because of their abroad based friends,you will be seeing something like "my Toronto baby" "please bring me something from Dubai o" etc

If they stopped talking to you,you should ignore them also!! you ignore me i ignore you simple!!

Like one socalled who acts these days as though she is crazy.

She calls midnight and expects me to pick all the time. If i pick, then she will tLk lik 3 to 5hrs forgetting that i am tired from work and family and so need rest!

She complains about family, the person who took her to obodo oibo and every other thing.

Our problem started when she called her helper's kids 'goats' nd i told her she was going extreme!

Thank God we parted ways!

Poster, you too forget them joor! Friendship na by force?

I can't really tell my story here.. Bcoz I have an extra thick skin and tend to move on easily but I actually felt my friend was very wicked to have behaved the way she did.
Didn't expect nothing in terms of appreciation, a thank you will always suffice but to proudly ghost and admit it after the things.... Mehnn people dey sha

optimusprime2:


Hey I couldn't just ignore this post...
At first I wanted to be blunt and straight out savage in my response, but it ocured to me that your post was honest and sincere meaning you are not aware of certain realities that exist outside of Nigeria, especially outside African territory, so I decided to be very detailed in breaking down certain things for your understanding ...

1. Adjustment: moving to US means moving to a new way of life, new setting, system, culture, environment, norms and practices etc now these aforementioned factors differ starkly from what one is accustomed to in Nigeria, infact strongly sticking to Nigerian norms in US hinders one from integrating properly in the society and that makes one a cultural deviant and of course that blocks one out from opportunities inthe society ... so how can that be avoided? Simple... by adjustment, evolving to catch up, however the results turnout differently with different people, some completely reject the past and move on while others hold on to the past but still look forward.

2. New Associations: there's a saying, "bird's of a feather flock together" look, if you change location you are likely to build strong relationships with new people and these new people tend to make you see the world from their own view, now that has it's advantages and disadvantages...
It's likely they move on with the progression of new association, leaving the old associations behind or pay less attention to old association as it is of less relevance.

3. The reality of being an immigrant: look, no matter how bad Nigeria is, you can never be an immigrant in your own country, you still enjoy specific "privilege". However in the US as an immigrant, it's not the same... firstly you have to bust your butt 24/7 to keep your head above water, you see these things called bills? They are real, and they can end up haunting you, especially if one just arrived and one is still trying to figure it out. Your friends may not tell you of some jobs they are doing just to stay afloat, honestly some jobs that they may have looked down on in Nigeria could be what they do on the regular and they may not have that state of mind to keep up communication with you, because you have no idea of what they are going through... then again maybe they left to the US on a visit visa and the reality of being illegal has caught up... infact ... bros let's stop the explanation on this immigrant life, just know that being an immigrant anywhere in the world is not an easy thing, not many people make it out in one piece at the end of the day... and this point is actually the most important point.

4. Time difference: this may seem like a little reason but bro it creeps up on you trust me... especially when one is working hard to pay them bills. Being in some parts of the US puts you 6, 7 or 8hrs off Nigerian time and that really just knocks it to you at the end of the day that, you live on different worlds. Now some people come to that reality and move on, while others may still hold on to the home team, look it varies across different people but it is a real condition. Relationships have ended due to the reality that time difference is actually a spatial separation.

5. "The Naija factor": I had to put this here because I ain't gonna lie, once one leaves Nigeria, the problems of Nigeria become very visible, appalling and disgusting when viewed from another country (I call it the enlightenment phase) especially in a system where everything works, in fact you ask yourself how you got stuck in a backward oriented system for so long... some people respond by totally alienating themselves from Nigeria or anything that has to do with Nigeria ... including people. Sad, but true.

6. Cultural struggles: This one right here is real... it first hits you when you realize in the U.S. that your accent in a language you thought yourself fluent in, is un-understandable... some people take in that fact very hard, like they literally go through socialization again just to straighten out their accents, sometimes even food becomes a difficult situation, because some people are not used to American food, others literally bump into boyfriends or girlfriends that culturally format them... in essence, people stop associations with people who don't help them in achieving social integration etc so the response level for different people varies

7. Education and training: Nothing is as enlightening as education, and trust me that is usually obtained in the US quickly, merely living in the American society educates you.
Once one becomes enlightened, old habits tend to be dropped, including old friends with old habits... the only thing that solves this particular point is if you are also updating yourself with a similar sort of education or training that enlightens you on the same level, otherwise a gap too wide on that regard, is a gulf indeed.

There are many other reasons but I decided to pick a few major ones to let you know why your stated instance happens mostly.

on point

Hmmm
They are hustling it's not as easy as we think over there. And no one looks down when they have have gotten to the too they only look ahead.

You 2 hustle

Those guys you see that neglect people here are not comfortable over there. If they are doing well they will have time to communicate.

[quote author=soleexx post=93516158]


Its a Motivation!
You will get there too. [/quote) wetin she wan use travel do, let rock Nigeria together jor, last last, there is probability in life ) if our problem no leave us, we go leave our problem

Sweetness4:
This topic reminds me of my secondary classmate that travelled out. We were good friends. 3years later he was added to our class whatsApp group chat. I commented and said hey it's been a while ooo. He asked of my name, I told him. He said he can't remember me. I was really embarrassed. Just 3years ooo. I started describing how we always gist and how we were encouraging ourselves during waec. (Shalayeing things) Lmao he said "i don't know who you are ooo". I was shocked.
Omo that was the last time we spoke.
I will travel out one day too. e be things ooo��

Omo.... Your case is critical tho I can imagine the embarrassment

one thing I know is that they don't ignore you because they don't have time, we can always claim to be busy as anything but we always have time for people who are important to us. even here in Nigeria some friends and relatives ignore you when they get a job or move to a new city.

I don't think some one will ignore you if he or she knows you need nothing from them. if they think you're one of them abeg leave them alone

Brachaa:
Busy schedule plus the time zone are different. Like America is 7 hours ahead ( i think) of Nigeria. So, when you're awake, they are sleeping and when you're sleeping, they are busy round the clock with 5 to 6 jobs to be able to meet up with bills.

Brachaa how have you been? Longest time.

Just checking up.

How many times will this type if post hit the front page?

Johndyk:
Una even get strength to bother yourselves with snubs from friends who traveled abroad. Me that have almost half of my family abroad, and i have never asked them for any favor whatsoever. The craziest part is i dont even care.

imagine, na them give this diaspora ego even my blood sister wey they there i hardly call her on less i wan greet her, as long God they provide fuel money for my jalopy, money to chop, to buy clothes and shoes,and sometimes God dey give me beer and catfish berberque chop, how i no go thank God.