optimusprime2:


Hey I couldn't just ignore this post...
At first I wanted to be blunt and straight out savage in my response, but it ocured to me that your post was honest and sincere meaning you are not aware of certain realities that exist outside of Nigeria, especially outside African territory, so I decided to be very detailed in breaking down certain things for your understanding ...

1. Adjustment: moving to US means moving to a new way of life, new setting, system, culture, environment, norms and practices etc now these aforementioned factors differ starkly from what one is accustomed to in Nigeria, infact strongly sticking to Nigerian norms in US hinders one from integrating properly in the society and that makes one a cultural deviant and of course that blocks one out from opportunities inthe society ... so how can that be avoided? Simple... by adjustment, evolving to catch up, however the results turnout differently with different people, some completely reject the past and move on while others hold on to the past but still look forward.

2. New Associations: there's a saying, "bird's of a feather flock together" look, if you change location you are likely to build strong relationships with new people and these new people tend to make you see the world from their own view, now that has it's advantages and disadvantages...
It's likely they move on with the progression of new association, leaving the old associations behind or pay less attention to old association as it is of less relevance.

3. The reality of being an immigrant: look, no matter how bad Nigeria is, you can never be an immigrant in your own country, you still enjoy specific "privilege". However in the US as an immigrant, it's not the same... firstly you have to bust your butt 24/7 to keep your head above water, you see these things called bills? They are real, and they can end up haunting you, especially if one just arrived and one is still trying to figure it out. Your friends may not tell you of some jobs they are doing just to stay afloat, honestly some jobs that they may have looked down on in Nigeria could be what they do on the regular and they may not have that state of mind to keep up communication with you, because you have no idea of what they are going through... then again maybe they left to the US on a visit visa and the reality of being illegal has caught up... infact ... bros let's stop the explanation on this immigrant life, just know that being an immigrant anywhere in the world is not an easy thing, not many people make it out in one piece at the end of the day... and this point is actually the most important point.

4. Time difference: this may seem like a little reason but bro it creeps up on you trust me... especially when one is working hard to pay them bills. Being in some parts of the US puts you 6, 7 or 8hrs off Nigerian time and that really just knocks it to you at the end of the day that, you live on different worlds. Now some people come to that reality and move on, while others may still hold on to the home team, look it varies across different people but it is a real condition. Relationships have ended due to the reality that time difference is actually a spatial separation.

5. "The Naija factor": I had to put this here because I ain't gonna lie, once one leaves Nigeria, the problems of Nigeria become very visible, appalling and disgusting when viewed from another country (I call it the enlightenment phase) especially in a system where everything works, in fact you ask yourself how you got stuck in a backward oriented system for so long... some people respond by totally alienating themselves from Nigeria or anything that has to do with Nigeria ... including people. Sad, but true.

6. Cultural struggles: This one right here is real... it first hits you when you realize in the U.S. that your accent in a language you thought yourself fluent in, is un-understandable... some people take in that fact very hard, like they literally go through socialization again just to straighten out their accents, sometimes even food becomes a difficult situation, because some people are not used to American food, others literally bump into boyfriends or girlfriends that culturally format them... in essence, people stop associations with people who don't help them in achieving social integration etc so the response level for different people varies

7. Education and training: Nothing is as enlightening as education, and trust me that is usually obtained in the US quickly, merely living in the American society educates you.
Once one becomes enlightened, old habits tend to be dropped, including old friends with old habits... the only thing that solves this particular point is if you are also updating yourself with a similar sort of education or training that enlightens you on the same level, otherwise a gap too wide on that regard, is a gulf indeed.

There are many other reasons but I decided to pick a few major ones to let you know why your stated instance happens mostly.

All this your long grammar there's nothing tangible in it, someone that want to talk to you would do so after the person has settled for some time. My cousin traveled to the UK for masters degree, at first I had to allow him settle for some time before I talked to him. I bet you, USA is even better, in the UK like England you would be forced to pay tax through your teeth.

It's our mindset. Both Nigerians in Nigeria and those abroad have succeeded in creating an impression that people abroad are better than those in Nigeria.
Thus, living abroad is now something to brag about or raise shoulders for.
I've heard someone say, "that guy used to be the best in our class...but today, I live in the US while he's in Nigeria." And I was like what

When I was in Nigeria, I was working and earning well, but as a somewhat low key guy, people were not asking me for money as they couldn't tell I had a lot of it.
But once I moved to Europe for my masters, see begging for money eh! From ordinary student oh! I had to leave Facebook and Instagram for them.

As a real nigga, I still keep in touch with my very good friends and update them with what I'm up to in life here.
And when I'm in Naija, I call them to hang out and enjoy their company.

Ps: If you want to have a good relationship with your friends abroad, show interest in their wellbeing and discuss possible opportunities with them, instead of appearing like a money beggar to them.

Obinnau:
Don't judge them until you leave.
Abroad no be the same as Naija. Too much responsibilities and no time for flimsy exchange of chats

baba..lie as Bleep

SoccerUSA:
As seen in the topic, I have two friends that travelled to the U.S, One travelled 2014 and the other one 2017, though before they left we had a good vibes we were both close if not best friends before they left.

The one of 2014 stopped texting me at 2018 or so even when I wished him birthday wishes and same with the other. I knew this because I only texted them on Facebook and you will know when they read and not reply.

I don't hold any grudges against them though
Did you guys think it's normal? Like if I leave Nigeria, Would I also ignore my friends text even if they do not request anything from me?

Please can someone just explain to me so I won't see my friends (maybe former friends) as bad ones.

3 jobs on a roll, 7 days a week, direct debits coming in at the end of the month (power, water, phone, internet, etc), income tax, road tax, tv license, council tax and even black tax sef. G, abroad nor be beans, they are simply fighting their own battles. Since Nigerians generally assume you are well off after travelling overseas, nobody has the time to shalaye. You need an insider to tell you that

In Nigeria, you can owe for some of this services, over there it is practically impossible.

greggng:
I did everything a good friend can do for someone hevcares for. Took her like my sister ...I don't even know the colours of her pant let alone having sex with her even when people believed we have been sleeping with each other cos of the closeness. One day I accompanied her to a wedding where she met a USA soldier that eventually married her....the USA soldier is a Nigerian. When her visa is out, we both jubiliated and even went to market together to buy everything she needed for the trip ...she got to USA and called me for 15mins and we both were happy cos her dream came through .we did chat a few times ...suddenly , I noticed she stopped chatting ...even when my house caught fire , I sent her the pic and she didn't respond ...for me I u derstand she is married now ....I decided to stay on my lane....I am not pained but still don't understand why people suddenly change ...but she is still my friend anytime any day

Wife od a military man? Do you know if the husband stopped her from chatting with any man,? You can't blame her

Some people are wired like that.
Just bad attitude.

Even in Nigeria, some people get a good job and suddenly become unresponsive.

it is the same thing.

There was a school colleague that got a job in an oil servicing company right from college.
He didnt even serve. The company sent him abroad for training.

When he got back, I sent him messages on facebook and linkedin, he won't reply.

This was a guy that beg either raw garri or soup from me very often while in the university, which i always oblige him.

People just have bad character.

Oga go and hustle so U too can ignore them

Obinnau:
Don't judge them until you leave.
Abroad no be the same as Naija. Too much responsibilities and no time for flimsy exchange of chats

This comment reeks of grand delusion and imaginary hullabaloo.

It depends on the person, I have friends who traveled abroad and when i chat them up they don't reply, I have friends who always call me on video calls and chats as well they stay abroad as well, coming to what Mr poster said, probably the person doesn't want your friendship again it's normal bro, I have even family members who are way more successful than I am even as they stay in Nigeria they snub me for no reason I live with it, not everyone will turn out to be your friend time will decide that for you, you ought to have known that by now.
So don't get embarrassed just focus on your self God go surely bless you.

Let me add my opinion to the matter. I am born and raised in the UK. I lived in Nigeria for about year in life for NYSC. I am still in contact with many of the friends made during that time but let me be honest. 99% make contact when they need money. Now, I have no hard feelings but in can be quite tiring, so some may be trying to avoid that conversation. Some genuinely don't make the time. This was the biggest adjustment when I lived in Nigeria, I felt Nigerians were laid back in their interactions. I thought they didn't value time. I am so used to planning my daily schedule to the minute which makes me quite inflexible. I don't have time for 20 mins phone call, or WhatsApp chats that are not productive. I think that once some Nigerians arrive abroad, they naturally fall into that lifestyle. I have extended family in the UK that I only speak to occasionally. I have an Uncle in the same UK who I haven't seen in 2 years or so. Doesn't me that we don't care for each other but the social life dynamics are different to Nigeria.

They are in another world and preoccupied with challenges you can not relate to.
They have grown apart from you so talking to you is like a task
Although, if they hear you are doing well, they would have time for you.

it's all about mindset. No one is so busy 24 hours a day.
I've got friends who kept in touch after travelling and those who never contacted afterwards.
stuff is, if I contact you as friend once or twice and get no response, no more.

Petyprincess:
Actually those that stopped talking after traveling out were never your real friends!!
I could remember last two years my friend was traveling to Canada i actually thought he was gonna stopped talking to me nd as someone who is crushing on me but he surprised me
He told me when is flight is moving,countries his flight will be connecting nd told me to put him in prayers that he should land safely,he was so transparent with me from the day he started his visa application to when he finished his degree,from applying to work permit etc,everything literally with unlimited pictures,struggles,reality that your normal friends wnt tell you!!

I have couple of friends living in abroad that i dnt talk to because we were not so close when they were living in Nigeria,they know they can't even deceive me like gullible Nigerians that think life there is bed of roses.

Some of my friends wnt let my status rest because of their abroad based friends,you will be seeing something like "my Toronto baby" "please bring me something from Dubai o" etc

If they stopped talking to you,you should ignore them also!! you ignore me i ignore you simple!!

na your papa born you

LyfeJennings:
Oga go and hustle so U too can ignore them

I have ignored one in canada.
Blocked him completly.

This guy went to canada and stopped picking calls.

He was sending money home to build a house without realising that the brother was lavishing half and then using half for the building.

When he found out, he started trying to reach me through someone else so that I can help him oversee the project.

I told him to go to hell and don't call me again.

Abroad is a secret society and nobody can completely tell you what they are seeing or going through, tell

SoccerUSA:
As seen in the topic, I have two friends that travelled to the U.S, One travelled 2014 and the other one 2017, though before they left we had a good vibes we were both close if not best friends before they left.

The one of 2014 stopped texting me at 2018 or so even when I wished him birthday wishes and same with the other. I knew this because I only texted them on Facebook and you will know when they read and not reply.

I don't hold any grudges against them though
Did you guys think it's normal? Like if I leave Nigeria, Would I also ignore my friends text even if they do not request anything from me?

Please can someone just explain to me so I won't see my friends (maybe former friends) as bad ones.

Sometimes it's just plain pride. Some think they are better than you now that they are abroads and think u are now useless to them

onyechez:

All this your long grammar there's nothing tangible in it, someone that want to talk to you would do so after the person has settled for some time. My cousin traveled to the UK for masters degree, at first I had to allow him settle for some time before I talked to him. I bet you, USA is even better, in the UK like England you would be forced to pay tax through your teeth.

What are you trying to arrive at? Referring to the bolded, settling takes a lot longer than just unpacking your bag and absorbing the "western breeze". And I assume they don't pay tax in Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland but England? Finally what is tangible in your response?

anastasius:

Wife od a military man? Do you know if the husband stopped her from chatting with any man,? You can't blame her

To be honest with I am not pained in anyways ...I believe the man changed her. Let me give you one example , one day she begged me to take her to a gym place so that she can work on her body ...when I parked my car in front of her house ,I realise I had a flat tire....I started changing it ...suddenly , I saw her videoing me . I shouted at her and demanded reason why she is doing that ...she told me she is on video chat with the husband ....May be the man wasn't happy with the way I got angry over that act . Another incident was when the husband was shouting at her for allowing me take all her plate to my house ....yes she use to make sure I am well fed....she cares for me so much...that was why i had to stick out my neck to ensure she is okay ....The only thing we didn't do was sex but every other thing we did like brothers and sisters should do......I don't regret anything but I am not making any further contact

SoccerUSA:
As seen in the topic, I have two friends that travelled to the U.S, One travelled 2014 and the other one 2017, though before they left we had a good vibes we were both close if not best friends before they left.

The one of 2014 stopped texting me at 2018 or so even when I wished him birthday wishes and same with the other. I knew this because I only texted them on Facebook and you will know when they read and not reply.

I don't hold any grudges against them though
Did you guys think it's normal? Like if I leave Nigeria, Would I also ignore my friends text even if they do not request anything from me?

Please can someone just explain to me so I won't see my friends (maybe former friends) as bad ones.

Abroad aint as rosy as too many Nigerians make out: When the generic mate finally reaches abroad he or she discovers this and immediately realises and finds out practically later that he or she wouldn’t be able to keep the promises he/she made to everyone in Nigeria during the happy bright days of learning he/she is due or has qualified to go abroad. The typical Nigerian wants to help as much people as he/she can, whether it be dolling out advice, sharing stuff or dashing you things. The generic mate type would promise to work and send money home to family as well as promise to help his mates make it abroad too so that you and them could roll together. They and pals back home were going to live in the same house abroad, save money, study, do business, hang out with foreign boys and girls, buy flash cars, do this do that. Unfortunately abroad is a tightly run ship, very lean and mean, places where even something like luck, which is free in Nigeria and can strike anyone at any time, is controlled. For instance Lottery winners are likelier to come from areas where white people live because the Lottery is partly controlled in order to sanction freewheeling luck. In any case, given these realities – the half of it which I have not even touched – the beauty withers in the hearts of your freinds like autumn leaves hurled in wondering circles by cold reality. This friends learning that they will be of no help to you in Nigeria, they gradually decide not to keep up contacts. They know in their harts that keeping up chatty dialogue with you back home is ultimately pointless because what you in Nigeria really want is for your friend abroad to honour promises made.

The tale of dashed hopes is as old as the hills as encapsulated in the line, ‘best laid plans of mice and men’. In the promises we make to others and ourselves before we step abroad, we are all Lennie Small.

RTSC:

I have ignored one in canada.
Blocked him completly.

This guy went to canada and stopped picking calls.

He was sending money home to build a house without realising that the brother was lavishing half and then using half for the building.

When he found out, he started trying to reach me through someone else so that I can help him oversee the project.

I told him to go to hell and don't call me again.

Like you would not cheat him too like his brother

Sweetness4:


Nah I don't think so. he remember some of my Classmates. Level don change ni. He keep telling us about the land /house he just bought in Nigeria lmao.

Cos he must remember the yahoo guys in your group chat...naso life be. Work hard..God will do it
..

What a thread?

Etinosa1234:

I have a cousin that I’m older than with a year
We were tight friends when he was still in Nigeria

Then when he travelled to Australia , after I struggled to look for his fb username... he doesn’t reply my msgs... even if I comment under his posts, he’ll hardly reply

He’s not working or doing anything but he doesn’t reply my msg

His elder sister came back to Nigeria last year(that one is older than me with a year)

I asked her, give me ur WhatsApp number... let’s continue chatting when u get to Aussie, omo she jus snub me ooo

It’s ego that’s also doing some of them

I’ve stopped messaging them sha ... me self get self esteem

Las las i still wish them well

I have many cousins abroad but I was jus too close with this boy that I went through stress of searching for him online

Now I’m just planning my own movement out of this country lemme show the guy say abroad nor be anything for we Naija guys

Bana God will do it.....

Stress of settling down in a totally different environment & work. Most Nigerian employees do all sorts of things while at work like answering ur fones & seating down for long doing nothing. Answering ur calls after some warnings from ur supervisor leads to firing. Meanwhile u hv bills due every month. Now u know.

heendrix:

I think it's just some people's Life's orientation, any time they get way ahead a certain level they rather drop the friends they had there off and get to make new ones not minding what you guys had in the past

If you haven't travel before , shut up

[s]

EVILFOREST:

The TRUTH is
The moment you arrive a country like the United States..... especially for the First Time, you will need time to learn a lot of things.
Most especially the LAWLESSNESS you carry with you must be dropped at the Nigerian Airport.
Never Never Never think of carrying that along with you, else Nigeria will be like Paradise 4u.
So, your FRIENDS need time to adjust since we have been exposed to such Life back home.

Again, Most Immigrants from Developing Nations go back to school.... which comes with so much commitment.
Again, there are a lot of BILLS to be paid in the United States and for your Information you can't cheat them or evade anyone.
Yes! everything is provided 4, but u must pay for them.
And when it's your RIGHT to receive your benefits from the GOVERNMENT u will receive such without putting up a single fight.

So your FRIENDS must WORK to Pay their BILLS.
There are lots of JOBS, but they must WORK to earn.
I used to think people in the United States don't work that much until I relocated too.

Dey work more dan those in most parts of the WORLD.
When I first came, I was paying monthly rent of 550k Naira equivalent and u must be seeing to be paying that few hours to the expiration of the previous one.
U don't owe in the US...
People believe you have got a JOB and there are Jobs for real.

In a NUTSHELL, your FRIENDS do not HATE you neither have they deserted you.
They just need your PRAYERS, PATIENCE and SPACE. PEOPLE don't pluck money in the United States, they work and toil for it.

[/s]

You typed this after reading different posts here, it's either you're not listening to people or you're just a plain hypocrite

Petyprincess:
Actually those that stopped talking after traveling out were never your real friends!!
I could remember last two years my friend was traveling to Canada i actually thought he was gonna stopped talking to me nd as someone who is crushing on me but he surprised me
He told me when is flight is moving,countries his flight will be connecting nd told me to put him in prayers that he should land safely,he was so transparent with me from the day he started his visa application to when he finished his degree,from applying to work permit etc,everything literally with unlimited pictures,struggles,reality that your normal friends wnt tell you!!

I have couple of friends living in abroad that i dnt talk to because we were not so close when they were living in Nigeria,they know they can't even deceive me like gullible Nigerians that think life there is bed of roses.

Some of my friends wnt let my status rest because of their abroad based friends,you will be seeing something like "my Toronto baby" "please bring me something from Dubai o" etc

If they stopped talking to you,you should ignore them also!! you ignore me i ignore you simple!!

You are a complete lair my friend

SoccerUSA:


Thank you.
I understand
Real friends will always keep in touch no matter where they are.

Don't believe this trash, never call or don't reply doesn't show anything if you travel you will do the same thing

Bennysam:

You are a complete lair liar my friend

Lair means something else.

kellycute:
hahaha. Well atleast she should have allowed the conversation to flow before switching it to financial matter. She's always fond of doing that. You cant have a normal convo with her without her dragging money into it. It is nauseating and a very bad attitudes.

OH well, u know her well and shouldn't b surprised.

This is a good thread.


Why dem no go run from beggars Association.

Correct countries run from beggar countries.

How many countries can Sierra Leone call their friends.

heendrix:

I think it's just some people's Life's orientation, any time they get way ahead a certain level they rather drop the friends they had there off and get to make new ones not minding what you guys had in the past

So you think leaving outside Nigeria makes them way ahead of those leaving in Naija.? Mbanu!