₦airaland Forum

Abroad is too far, the ones in Nigeria who think they have made it are snubbing their friends.

Inferiority complex

Some see u as potential witch/wizard because of wealth they don't know if they will amass more than you.
GOOD PERSON NA GOOD PERSON & BAD PERSON NA BAD PERSON !

BlindedIrony
If your friend is not keeping in touch with you, it is either huge responsibility, time management or simply because they have outgrown you. So, there will not be much to talk about with you.

Simple as ABC, life goes on home and abroad. Who even says that Naija based friend can't ignore the one in abroad? Lol

tot:
Then that's not a true friend.... if respect is based on how big your pocket is.

I agree with the respect point though, there are ways a person can conduct themself and be respected, not necessarily only on the basis of what they have.

Respect is reciprocal so they say. Someone who works at Seplat will not call unnecessarily to ask for money or might not even call at all. Ditto for someone who operates a business with an annual turnover of 60M. The level of respect accorded by those abroad towards those people will be totally different. People conduct themselves based on the value they offer, in return, that is the level of respect they earned from others. Lastly, it is not necessarily on the basis of what they have but the value they offer. Humans naturally discriminate against one another based on the value each party offers.

Stfe:
I had similar experience! Mine travelled to USA since 2006.Whenever he calls me,he always hide hid phone number.So I ask him why? He said he does not want to give his number to me now,and he only calls whenever he wants to send me on an errand,or to boast of the things he has acquired.So,I told him to stop calling me since he always hide his number from me.I'm talking about my best friend(he lived with me in our house,vice versa).So,I lost dat my sim card 2009,and I didn't retrieve it.I saw him on facebook,he pretended as if nothing happened in the past.He even came to naija to marry 2014,without informing me.So, my friend,some of them are like that.When things are difficult for them they pretend to love u as a friend.U only know ur true companion when things are difficult for u.Put ur trust in God and not man,because man 'll definately fail u.

Of all the experiences I read here so far, this is more than sad. I can only imagine how you feel about the treatment. It's not about material things all the time like most abroad based friends think. To some folks here in Nigeria, recognition and preservation of friendship and old memories is all what they want.

Gerrard59:
Respect is reciprocal so they say. Someone who works at Seplat will not call unnecessarily to ask for money or might not even call at all. Ditto for someone who operates a business with an annual turnover of 60M. The level of respect accorded by those abroad towards those people will be totally different. People conduct themselves based on the value they offer, in return, that is the level of respect they earned from others. Lastly, it is not necessarily on the basis of what they have but the value they offer. Humans naturally discriminate against one another based on the value each party offers.

Agreed, and value is not necessarily tied to money. The value some offer is experience, advice, or even just plain motivation, things that are not easily quantified.

SoccerUSA:
As much as I would not want to judge them.
Did you think checking on them in months is a filmsy exchange of chats?
I have things to do also don't make it look like I'm 'jobless' here

SisteR,I feel your PAin.Dont bother yourself because you've got the BeSt friend ever who owns all things and places on this earth. He can never leave. He lives in you . His name is Jesus ChRist

soleexx:
Dash ham 50box @all@all

The dude will rest

what I was saying,. You deserve your peace of mind though don't totally forget them

optimusprime2:
Hey I couldn't just ignore this post...
At first I wanted to be blunt and straight out savage in my response, but it ocured to me that your post was honest and sincere meaning you are not aware of certain realities that exist outside of Nigeria, especially outside African territory, so I decided to be very detailed in breaking down certain things for your understanding ...

1. Adjustment: moving to US means moving to a new way of life, new setting, system, culture, environment, norms and practices etc now these aforementioned factors differ starkly from what one is accustomed to in Nigeria, infact strongly sticking to Nigerian norms in US hinders one from integrating properly in the society and that makes one a cultural deviant and of course that blocks one out from opportunities inthe society ... so how can that be avoided? Simple... by adjustment, evolving to catch up, however the results turnout differently with different people, some completely reject the past and move on while others hold on to the past but still look forward.

2. New Associations: there's a saying, "bird's of a feather flock together" look, if you change location you are likely to build strong relationships with new people and these new people tend to make you see the world from their own view, now that has it's advantages and disadvantages...
It's likely they move on with the progression of new association, leaving the old associations behind or pay less attention to old association as it is of less relevance.

3. The reality of being an immigrant: look, no matter how bad Nigeria is, you can never be an immigrant in your own country, you still enjoy specific "privilege". However in the US as an immigrant, it's not the same... firstly you have to bust your butt 24/7 to keep your head above water, you see these things called bills? They are real, and they can end up haunting you, especially if one just arrived and one is still trying to figure it out. Your friends may not tell you of some jobs they are doing just to stay afloat, honestly some jobs that they may have looked down on in Nigeria could be what they do on the regular and they may not have that state of mind to keep up communication with you, because you have no idea of what they are going through... then again maybe they left to the US on a visit visa and the reality of being illegal has caught up... infact ... bros let's stop the explanation on this immigrant life, just know that being an immigrant anywhere in the world is not an easy thing, not many people make it out in one piece at the end of the day... and this point is actually the most important point.

4. Time difference: this may seem like a little reason but bro it creeps up on you trust me... especially when one is working hard to pay them bills. Being in some parts of the US puts you 6, 7 or 8hrs off Nigerian time and that really just knocks it to you at the end of the day that, you live on different worlds. Now some people come to that reality and move on, while others may still hold on to the home team, look it varies across different people but it is a real condition. Relationships have ended due to the reality that time difference is actually a spatial separation.

5. "The Naija factor": I had to put this here because I ain't gonna lie, once one leaves Nigeria, the problems of Nigeria become very visible, appalling and disgusting when viewed from another country (I call it the enlightenment phase) especially in a system where everything works, in fact you ask yourself how you got stuck in a backward oriented system for so long... some people respond by totally alienating themselves from Nigeria or anything that has to do with Nigeria ... including people. Sad, but true.

6. Cultural struggles: This one right here is real... it first hits you when you realize in the U.S. that your accent in a language you thought yourself fluent in, is un-understandable... some people take in that fact very hard, like they literally go through socialization again just to straighten out their accents, sometimes even food becomes a difficult situation, because some people are not used to American food, others literally bump into boyfriends or girlfriends that culturally format them... in essence, people stop associations with people who don't help them in achieving social integration etc so the response level for different people varies

7. Education and training: Nothing is as enlightening as education, and trust me that is usually obtained in the US quickly, merely living in the American society educates you.
Once one becomes enlightened, old habits tend to be dropped, including old friends with old habits... the only thing that solves this particular point is if you are also updating yourself with a similar sort of education or training that enlightens you on the same level, otherwise a gap too wide on that regard, is a gulf indeed.

There are many other reasons but I decided to pick a few major ones to let you know why your stated instance happens mostly.

eh ya,my brother, #3is so touching

Petyprincess:
Actually those that stopped talking after traveling out were never your real friends!!
I could remember last two years my friend was traveling to Canada i actually thought he was gonna stopped talking to me nd as someone who is crushing on me but he surprised me
He told me when is flight is moving,countries his flight will be connecting nd told me to put him in prayers that he should land safely,he was so transparent with me from the day he started his visa application to when he finished his degree,from applying to work permit etc,everything literally with unlimited pictures,struggles,reality that your normal friends wnt tell you!!

I have couple of friends living in abroad that i dnt talk to because we were not so close when they were living in Nigeria,they know they can't even deceive me like gullible Nigerians that think life there is bed of roses.

Some of my friends wnt let my status rest because of their abroad based friends,you will be seeing something like "my Toronto baby" "please bring me something from Dubai o" etc

If they stopped talking to you,you should ignore them also!! you ignore me i ignore you simple!!

Aw PRinCess,this is so Sweet. indeed true friends do exist . The Unlimited pictures part got melol, . Isend those to friends over there for them to know what's up. No Better illustration. Take video CliPs in nice places but don't forget to show daily life tussle , where you Really stay, living situation and what life is like Generally

sometimes i dont blame people who live abroad like me. sometimes the friends you trust will go against you. so many people have died in the process by trusting best friends and family members. We have heard about some people living abroad being scammed by family members and friends by building houses for themselves and killing their abroad relative. Some stupid relatives will even scamme you on phone by useing juju to speak to you. On facebook, some friends will conact other friends either female or male to befriend you and scamme you. Sometime you dont have to tell any friend when you are coming home because they might set you up. A friend did that to me and they stole part of my money.but because i was an ogbologbo b4 in my street, i used the same ogologbo guys to get my money back. We are not rich here but we try to make a good living. Some guys living abroad might not even have permit to work, which might take them years to get. They might be working illegally and you expect them to pick your call when life is hard for them. And also countries are diffrent when we talk of standard of living. You cant compare about someone living in italy,spain to someone living in canada,u.S.A and uk. many of those living in rich western are diffrent from other european countries.e.g a medical doctor or nurse get good jobs and salary compared to other countries. so if you ask for 200 dollars or pounds, some other relatives doing factory jobs in places like portugal or romania might find it hard to give you such money.

humilitypays:
Yes there are, but not same in Europe. US have jobs for anybody ready to work.

Not white collar jobs oh, odd jobs like cleaning, security, prisons, nursing assistants, nurses, LPN, drug dispensers, attendants, Walmart jobs, etc, the only thing is the $ rate.


If Nigerian naira had value, going to US to work as a non professional would have been useless

Hmmm I see. So white collar jobs are scarce

SoccerUSA:
As seen in the topic, I have two friends that travelled to the U.S, One travelled 2014 and the other one 2017, though before they left we had a good vibes we were both close if not best friends before they left.

The one of 2014 stopped texting me at 2018 or so even when I wished him birthday wishes and same with the other. I knew this because I only texted them on Facebook and you will know when they read and not reply.

I don't hold any grudges against them though
Did you guys think it's normal? Like if I leave Nigeria, Would I also ignore my friends text even if they do not request anything from me?

Please can someone just explain to me so I won't see my friends (maybe former friends) as bad ones.

Same way married women Ignore their single friends.
They believe they are better off than you are.
They have arrived.

So mind ya business and face front.

SoccerUSA:
As seen in the topic, I have two friends that travelled to the U.S, One travelled 2014 and the other one 2017, though before they left we had a good vibes we were both close if not best friends before they left.

The one of 2014 stopped texting me at 2018 or so even when I wished him birthday wishes and same with the other. I knew this because I only texted them on Facebook and you will know when they read and not reply.

I don't hold any grudges against them though
Did you guys think it's normal? Like if I leave Nigeria, Would I also ignore my friends text even if they do not request anything from me?

Please can someone just explain to me so I won't see my friends (maybe former friends) as bad ones.

The major reason for this is, out of sight is out of mind.

SoccerUSA:
As seen in the topic, I have two friends that travelled to the U.S, One travelled 2014 and the other one 2017, though before they left we had a good vibes we were both close if not best friends before they left.

The one of 2014 stopped texting me at 2018 or so even when I wished him birthday wishes and same with the other. I knew this because I only texted them on Facebook and you will know when they read and not reply.

I don't hold any grudges against them though
Did you guys think it's normal? Like if I leave Nigeria, Would I also ignore my friends text even if they do not request anything from me?

Please can someone just explain to me so I won't see my friends (maybe former friends) as bad ones.

I agree with what most folks have said. When I was in studying in Europe, I was thinking of returning to Nigeria because I didn't have enough cash or work to pay my bills. I was chatting with a friend/acquaintance and he asked me to send him a phone. I explained I couldn't afford to do that but he didn't believe me. Lots of people have asked me to send them money, laptops, phones, etc without understanding I don't have the means. I stop chatting with those folks. They believe money grows on trees here.

I had a friend when I was in Europe, I returned to Naija and he moved to another country. I reached out to him a couple times on FB, he read the messages but didn't reply. I let him be.

The time difference and my schedule is a challenge but I still try to reach out to my friends but I noticed some don't reach out to me. They expect me to always chat or call them because I'm abroad. Recently, I decided if I reach out to someone two to three times and they don't respond, reciprocate, or return my call/chat I will let them be.

Originalsly:
I am one such person. As someone said earlier... you need to travel to get an understanding of why that happens. I believe if the person is in a big city... there will be even less communication. As for me... not too many 'friends'.... let's say 10 back home... I would be in constant communication with maybe 3.... let's say you are #5 on the list. Time is precious over here.... so much to do so little time... if you're not on it... you fall behind and things get worse. Friends 1 to 3 will give me an update on what's happening back home.... how friends 4 to 15 are doing.... who still looking for husband... who snatch who husband... who building house... cultists taking over the neighbourhood.... who doing well at school but finding it soo hard to maintain..... and at the end I'll say tell everybody I say hi!.....that's how I spend my back home allocation time! I see your Good Morning... how you doing... how is the weather.... have a blessed day.... and you know I saw it..... but it drains my energy to reply and start a back and forth ... and same to the others down to #15. Now you may be more likely to get a call from me on your birthday..... and then we can let tongues wag... but then... if you desperately grab that opportunity to fill my ears with lamentations... the convo will be over in a heartbeat! There are nany like me... we still have you in our hearts... but just don't show it to you as we should. Then we have made new friends.... and these ones being present will no doubt grab wayyy more time that you so far farrrr away.
Like a long distance relationship... just don't expect a long distance friendship to be the same.... expectations can lead to disappointments. Whenever the friend returns.... you will see that the bond of friendship has not been broken or ruptured.... he/she will always seek you out regardless of your status.
I spend all this time replying to you... who I don't know... yet to respond to those who I know by saying hi.... ehmmmm..... hmmmmm...... I'll get to them in due time! This is my relaxation time... I spend it hear on NL.

I can relate. Regularly I'll wake up in the morning and have over 20 or 30 unread Whatsapp messages. Being morning, there's no time to lay in bed and reply everyone one by one. Maybe you respond to the top 3 or 5 people and you're on your way to work, classes or business. Maybe only the top 5 senders get that response from you in the morning. Maybe 6 to 20 probably later in the day or evening when they would probably be at sleep Nigerian time. Time difference is another huge factor here.

Rutherford2019:
I have 2 friends who use to borrow money from me back then in UNEC and fortunately two of them travel to USA, one unfriend me on FB and the other one never chat or reply my text even though he gave me his US number when he landed..
I left Nigeria last year and guess what,he is chatting me almost weekly. Why? Because he thought I have arrived, he even start arranging how we will meet in London or Texas..
Listen attentively my guy..
Hustle because 99% of your friends are going to ignore you if they're ahead of you because they are going to meet new friends on top.
Some Nigerian folks are just damn stupid..I have a guy we are all Liverpool fans and we usually chill out together, this guy gave someone I don't know my FB account and told him to chat me up and that I'm going to help him relocate and the other guy sent me request and have been bombarding me with questions and request?
Someone will come to your inbox and next thing is pls how do you made it? In fact I have ignored 99% of my guys because of their stupidity
Another angle is that some people don't regard you especially girls but when they start seeing your background pictures they will wake up and start chatting you.
Lastly, all my genuine friends, I do chat them almost on weekly basis
Aluta Continua

Dude, no he didn't start chatting you suddenly because he thought 'you've arrived', he did so because he no longer saw you as a leech as you were no longer in Nigeria!

praiseneo:
I’ve been chatting my friend in Ireland he left 3 years ago he stopped talking to me when I needed help I no vex

Now I suppose de UK before this month end

Congratulations. In about 6 months from now you'll understand why he ghosted you. You'll probably do the same to others in Nigeria.

onyechez:
All this your long grammar there's nothing tangible in it, someone that want to talk to you would do so after the person has settled for some time. My cousin traveled to the UK for masters degree, at first I had to allow him settle for some time before I talked to him. I bet you, USA is even better, in the UK like England you would be forced to pay tax through your teeth.

There's nothing tangible? But you successfully summarized my analysis.

Those 7 points I listed are phases most people experience before getting "settled" like you said.

now, that settlement is not an automatic entitlement, there is a process to it. My emphasis is what goes on during that process, that make people to gradually disconnect from home communication. However some never reconnect after getting settled. It's great you established contact with your cousin, however it doesn't happen for everyone.

I bolded your summary so you would catch my drift.

But you got my attention though,
You stated "after the person has settled"... my question for you is;
"is it everyone who travels abroad that gets settled?"

Secondly I was analysing a case of the US as regards to the OP' s question, and you brought UK into the fray(apples and oranges)... My second question for you; "Does the US and UK have the same dynamics of survival as an immigrant?"

heendrix:
I think it's just some people's Life's orientation, any time they get way ahead a certain level they rather drop the friends they had there off and get to make new ones not minding what you guys had in the past

No be lie.....friendship you thought u had disappeared. But I think it's the new place that set in and they think they need a new circle of friends. I think it's life

I had a female friend who we were very close before she left Nigeria .she told me she was travelling and eventually left for France after 2days she called me she had arrived France for me to get her phone number.she stayed in France for 9 good years and we talked at least once every 3days ,laughed on video call, voice calls for these 9years .truth is we were even in a better communication that most friends I even had living on Sam e street with me here.she is back to Nigeria now and we still continued being great friends.so u see ,this has a lot to do with the individual

RTSC:
I have ignored one in canada.
Blocked him completly.

This guy went to canada and stopped picking calls.

He was sending money home to build a house without realising that the brother was lavishing half and then using half for the building.

When he found out, he started trying to reach me through someone else so that I can help him oversee the project.

I told him to go to hell and don't call me again.

The truth is they are always like that
My very very good friend left for the US some few years back. Like 4 years ago, I think.
When I say my good friend, I mean my very close friend.
We chatted a few times so on one of those days, I was so excited to see his post on insta and I sent him a very heart warming messages with prayers. The guy replied me in the most formal manner. Na there I know say I don dey do pass myself. That was the last time I ever sent him a message. No be say I dey do badly for here o. God has answered my prayers too but if that's the way he wants it, no P.
Dear brother, u don't have to blast anybody. Just make them realize things has changed on ur side too and U do not have that luxury of time to supervise anyone's life. Shikena!

They dont ignore when they travel but cos things doesn't turn as planned it's not easy abroad

lakeside79937:
They dont ignore when they travel but cos things doesn't turn as planned it's not easy abroad

If that's the case, I suggest they come back to Nigeria let's join hands to build a great Nation and move it forward.

lakeside79937:
They dont ignore when they travel but cos things doesn't turn as planned it's not easy abroad

That's very correct.....

Many dont understand this

greggng:
I did everything a good friend can do for someone hevcares for. Took her like my sister ...I don't even know the colours of her pant let alone having sex with her even when people believed we have been sleeping with each other cos of the closeness. One day I accompanied her to a wedding where she met a USA soldier that eventually married her....the USA soldier is a Nigerian. When her visa is out, we both jubiliated and even went to market together to buy everything she needed for the trip ...she got to USA and called me for 15mins and we both were happy cos her dream came through .we did chat a few times ...suddenly , I noticed she stopped chatting ...even when my house caught fire , I sent her the pic and she didn't respond ...for me I u derstand she is married now ....I decided to stay on my lane....I am not pained but still don't understand why people suddenly change ...but she is still my friend anytime any day

shows the kind of person she really was don't worry God will do your own for you too...but some people sha....

Abroad and Nigeria are the same. Things are different from the way you see it. It normal among them. Don't complain it's not you alone.

Truth is anyone who travels and thinks it's comfortable to forget where u are co.ing from is a dumb ass person..I have friends even married abroad, we talk anytime we want whether na 1am or 6pm. I can even send them money when dey need and they can borrow from me and pay back likewise me...anyone forming time diff,naija factor or gives any stupid excuse was never a true friend...believe me..me self get dual citizenship since I was born , but live in naija..leave that rubbish talk. They are just outright proud people who don't deserve you.

domino4211:
Could be because of your bad grammar..
If I have a friend who speaks or types like you do,I will stop replying them too..

See this proud idiot.
Hahaha.
It's not your fault. I will blame the mod for taking it to the front page. If not, Idiots like you wouldn't be chanced to comment.

Just for the sake of someone who cares, I was typing that while at work and I couldn't proofread.
I am sorry about the bad grammar (my bad).

womenareapes:
because you are a gold digger!

so that you will be tasking them and be saying "anything for the girls"

we guys know that you black piece of shiit are professional beggers

once we travel abroad you piece of trash will automatically think in ya fish brain that this guy will be something successful, hence the excessive chatting and using manipulating skills to talked the guy believing that you are a nice woman who keep in touch!

bittch we know that ain't gonna work hence we cut connection with useless shewolf pretending to be friend.

YOU CAN'T BE A FRIEND TO A BLACK WOMAN.

Fool,
I anticipate your deportation soon!
But wait why are you frustrated ?�

humilitypays:
lies from the pit of hell!! If I wooz you eh, u go stop that lies u are telling there, nansense

For your jnfky, I have friends who are Doctors in UK, Australia, very busy schedule, some in the US military, some nurses, and still they make out time to call me or WhatsApp or Facebook, so who u be , its all about money, if your friends in Nigeria are doing better than u abroad u will be the one connecting back to them.



If El Rufai son or Buhari's son or Rochas Okorocha's son is your friend in Nigeria and you are in US working hourly job, will you ignore his message if he wishes you happy birthday, swear it, ode



Na fear of poverty, once a poor Nigerian person travels abroad, he or she feels he has escaped poverty by the grace of God and therefore must avoid any poor or struggling person (friend oh, relative oh) from Nigeria


Its all about the money, get money and the world is yours no matter where you are, Baba God I thank you so much for your blessings in my life, I wonder how people for de treat me


To all the broke and struggling people out there reading this, don't give up, God will reward your hardwork, keep on working and keep planning and dreaming big, just time.


But when you make it in Nigeria or travel abroad, don't be like those mumu people abroad op is talking about, be a difference.


I speak what I am doing. I am a blessing to all my friends home and abroad and even those in the village and I want to even become more blessing to more, so help me God!

sir God bless you sir..can I contact you privately sir.