heendrix:

I think it's just some people's Life's orientation, any time they get way ahead a certain level they rather drop the friends they had there off and get to make new ones not minding what you guys had in the past

optimusprime2:


Hey I couldn't just ignore this post...
At first I wanted to be blunt and straight out savage in my response, but it ocured to me that your post was honest and sincere meaning you are not aware of certain realities that exist outside of Nigeria, especially outside African territory, so I decided to be very detailed in breaking down certain things for your understanding ...

1. Adjustment: moving to US means moving to a new way of life, new setting, system, culture, environment, norms and practices etc now these aforementioned factors differ starkly from what one is accustomed to in Nigeria, infact strongly sticking to Nigerian norms in US hinders one from integrating properly in the society and that makes one a cultural deviant and of course that blocks one out from opportunities inthe society ... so how can that be avoided? Simple... by adjustment, evolving to catch up, however the results turnout differently with different people, some completely reject the past and move on while others hold on to the past but still look forward.

2. New Associations: there's a saying, "bird's of a feather flock together" look, if you change location you are likely to build strong relationships with new people and these new people tend to make you see the world from their own view, now that has it's advantages and disadvantages...
It's likely they move on with the progression of new association, leaving the old associations behind or pay less attention to old association as it is of less relevance.

3. The reality of being an immigrant: look, no matter how bad Nigeria is, you can never be an immigrant in your own country, you still enjoy specific "privilege". However in the US as an immigrant, it's not the same... firstly you have to bust your butt 24/7 to keep your head above water, you see these things called bills? They are real, and they can end up haunting you, especially if one just arrived and one is still trying to figure it out. Your friends may not tell you of some jobs they are doing just to stay afloat, honestly some jobs that they may have looked down on in Nigeria could be what they do on the regular and they may not have that state of mind to keep up communication with you, because you have no idea of what they are going through... then again maybe they left to the US on a visit visa and the reality of being illegal has caught up... infact ... bros let's stop the explanation on this immigrant life, just know that being an immigrant anywhere in the world is not an easy thing, not many people make it out in one piece at the end of the day... and this point is actually the most important point.

4. Time difference: this may seem like a little reason but bro it creeps up on you trust me... especially when one is working hard to pay them bills. Being in some parts of the US puts you 6, 7 or 8hrs off Nigerian time and that really just knocks it to you at the end of the day that, you live on different worlds. Now some people come to that reality and move on, while others may still hold on to the home team, look it varies across different people but it is a real condition. Relationships have ended due to the reality that time difference is actually a spatial separation.

5. "The Naija factor": I had to put this here because I ain't gonna lie, once one leaves Nigeria, the problems of Nigeria become very visible, appalling and disgusting when viewed from another country (I call it the enlightenment phase) especially in a system where everything works, in fact you ask yourself how you got stuck in a backward oriented system for so long... some people respond by totally alienating themselves from Nigeria or anything that has to do with Nigeria ... including people. Sad, but true.

6. Cultural struggles: This one right here is real... it first hits you when you realize in the U.S. that your accent in a language you thought yourself fluent in, is un-understandable... some people take in that fact very hard, like they literally go through socialization again just to straighten out their accents, sometimes even food becomes a difficult situation, because some people are not used to American food, others literally bump into boyfriends or girlfriends that culturally format them... in essence, people stop associations with people who don't help them in achieving social integration etc so the response level for different people varies

7. Education and training: Nothing is as enlightening as education, and trust me that is usually obtained in the US quickly, merely living in the American society educates you.
Once one becomes enlightened, old habits tend to be dropped, including old friends with old habits... the only thing that solves this particular point is if you are also updating yourself with a similar sort of education or training that enlightens you on the same level, otherwise a gap too wide on that regard, is a gulf indeed.

There are many other reasons but I decided to pick a few major ones to let you know why your stated instance happens mostly.

greenskittles:


My opinion, when they move they make new friends, are completely exposed to a new reality, and have to adjust to that. In the beginning they still constantly talk to you but over time it tends to fade away as you both have very little in common at that point. After 3 years of them living in the US, they really just can't relate to most things you would typically have small talk about. I believe that leaving your message read and not replied was very rude, and they should've at least appreciated that you showed concern to them. But "calling just to greet" everytime, after 3 years quickly gets old. If you guys were not that close, a point you start to wonder what you "really" want.

Also add to the fact that some people think everyone that has travelled has suddenly become Bill Gates. You might not show that mentality but other people might have shown your friend hell. Then it gets to a point that your overly friendly demeanor when you have nothing in common to talk about means you want to ask them for something, even though you may not. Coupled with the fact that they're already burdened with so many responsibilities, they might just not have time to for that.

With your next friend that travels (lol) if you want to maintain contact you need to both find common ground. They can't relate to "NEPA has taken light" and you can't relate to "my taxes are too damn high". So if you're going to stay in contact, you need to find something both of you do.

It's just like your secondary school friends, how many of them do you still talk to? The school was probably the glue holding you all together, and upon graduation you drifted apart, except from those that you actually have something in common to constantly relate to.

greggng:
I did everything a good friend can do for someone hevcares for. Took her like my sister ...I don't even know the colours of her pant let alone having sex with her even when people believed we have been sleeping with each other cos of the closeness. One day I accompanied her to a wedding where she met a USA soldier that eventually married her....the USA soldier is a Nigerian. When her visa is out, we both jubiliated and even went to market together to buy everything she needed for the trip ...she got to USA and called me for 15mins and we both were happy cos her dream came through .we did chat a few times ...suddenly , I noticed she stopped chatting ...even when my house caught fire , I sent her the pic and she didn't respond ...for me I u derstand she is married now ....I decided to stay on my lane....I am not pained but still don't understand why people suddenly change ...but she is still my friend anytime any day

Sweetness4:
This topic reminds me of my secondary classmate that travelled out. We were good friends. 3years later he was added to our class whatsApp group chat. I commented and said hey it's been a while ooo. He asked of my name, I told him. He said he can't remember me. I was really embarrassed. Just 3years ooo. I started describing how we always gist and how we were encouraging ourselves during waec. (Shalayeing things) Lmao he said "i don't know who you are ooo". I was shocked.
Omo that was the last time we spoke.
I will travel out one day too. e be things ooo��

Etinosa1234:

I have a cousin that I’m older than with a year
We were tight friends when he was still in Nigeria

Then when he travelled to Australia , after I struggled to look for his fb username... he doesn’t reply my msgs... even if I comment under his posts, he’ll hardly reply

He’s not working or doing anything but he doesn’t reply my msg

His elder sister came back to Nigeria last year(that one is older than me with a year)

I asked her, give me ur WhatsApp number... let’s continue chatting when u get to Aussie, omo she jus snub me ooo

It’s ego that’s also doing some of them

I’ve stopped messaging them sha ... me self get self esteem

Las las i still wish them well

I have many cousins abroad but I was jus too close with this boy that I went through stress of searching for him online

Now I’m just planning my own movement out of this country lemme show the guy say abroad nor be anything for we Naija guys


Modified:

2 years on,24 May 2022, I finally got my visa to Australia.. And I'll soon be leaving

My cousin came back last Christmas and we talked.. I just didn't try to bring up the fact that he ignored my msg sometime in 2017 or so ... But we enjoyed ourselves this holiday so I think all grudges are forgotten.. Plus since I'm going, I need someone to show me around sha

Etinosa1234:

Etinosa1234:

I have a cousin that I’m older than with a year
We were tight friends when he was still in Nigeria

Then when he travelled to Australia , after I struggled to look for his fb username... he doesn’t reply my msgs... even if I comment under his posts, he’ll hardly reply

He’s not working or doing anything but he doesn’t reply my msg

His elder sister came back to Nigeria last year(that one is older than me with a year)

I asked her, give me ur WhatsApp number... let’s continue chatting when u get to Aussie, omo she jus snub me ooo

It’s ego that’s also doing some of them

I’ve stopped messaging them sha ... me self get self esteem

Las las i still wish them well

I have many cousins abroad but I was jus too close with this boy that I went through stress of searching for him online

Now I’m just planning my own movement out of this country lemme show the guy say abroad nor be anything for we Naija guys


Modified:

2 years on,24 May 2022, I finally got my visa to Australia.. And I'll soon be leaving

My cousin came back last Christmas and we talked.. I just didn't try to bring up the fact that he ignored my msg sometime in 2017 or so ... But we enjoyed ourselves this holiday so I think all grudges are forgotten.. Plus since I'm going, I need someone to show me around sha