₦airaland Forum

Trumptweet:
Please help me. I am in medical school. My cousin and his wife (both living in USA) introduced a girl to me. They want me to come over.

From my understanding the two families are friends.

According to my cousin, "she is a good girl from a good family "

I have already started chatting with her, she seems cool, apparently.

But I need unbiased views from those with experience please.

Put yourself in my position and advise me.

she's 27. She is doing her masters .im 29, finishing next yr.


Thank you.

Depends

etrange:
The kind of questions I see onhere these days simply shows that real human relationships have long been discarded. So instead of the OP to interact with the so called abroad based wife to see if her personality matches what he wants in a woman, he came on Nairaland to ask strangers the advantages/disadvantages of marrying her? And now people who might have never left their home states are telling him tales of how he will be emasculated. Lmao.

Swears sis.

Too many bumpkins on this platform that can't think for themselves.

ransomed:
If you look at the advantages be very careful of someone you date on internet. She might be someone else's baby mama, she has been trained in American way of gun is might and being a citizen, police will always protect her from you.
Avoid story that touches the heart as most African American ladies behave like wildcats (akata) . Be ready to be a baby seater, do the dishes, cook your meals, do the laundry and allow her do whatever she wants ,including the tendencies to prevent your mother from coming to America for ' omugo' , not speaking Nigeria language when talking to female family members back home.
It is your choice, I pray God will guide and guard you to choose wisely.

Thank you. I appreciate.

Trumptweet:
Please help me. I am in medical school. My cousin and his wife (both living in USA) introduced a girl to me. They want me to come over.

From my understanding the two families are friends.

According to my cousin, "she is a good girl from a good family "

I have already started chatting with her, she seems cool, apparently.

But I need unbiased views from those with experience please.

Put yourself in my position and advise me.

she's 27. She is doing her masters .im 29, finishing next yr.


Thank you.

If she has another sister below 25 please connect your guy....

Wijam:
See this guy o, you dey reason am? As u said you have been talking with her and I believe you guys have gotten along. Baba arrange Visa and leave this country, when you get there no rush to marry, study her and be sure you want to if it's cool then marry the Doc and live happily ever after having your children as American citizens and getting exposed to the good life...leave this country o I de tell you again run leave this country. Then as you go, arrange Doctor for me too��

Lol, sounds hilarious

Bro,try to study her very well with clear eyes so that you don't marry the one that will shoot you with pistol

gaius01:
Arrrrrrrh


First, how old are you ?
You are still in Medical school?
If you are too wife her, wife her in Nigeria not abroad cause. If not any small chaos Na police, you are vulnerable bro and you know she's OK, in the sense she's well to do so marrying her is not like a favour just that she need children and companion. Also know female are favour in court case outside.

I will advise you'd wife her here in Nigeria since she's a Nigerian.

whats is the difference of marrying her here in Nigeria ? As long as they both live abroad, the same laws will apply if there is a court case between them .

Chii59:
See the mindset of some men.
"Marry here in Nigeria"
"She should come to Nigeria to stay"
Gosh, if you think like this, avoid me.

Hahaha

This is a dicey one. Was she born there and has she spent all her life abroad? Try and get to know her personally.

Don't marry because you want to please your family or those that recommended her to you. Know her by dating her. Women are like onions, they have different layers and the layer you see at a particular time is the layer that serves their needs. Be watchful.

gaius01:
Arrrrrrrh


First, how old are you ?
You are still in Medical school?
If you are too wife her, wife her in Nigeria not abroad cause. If not any small chaos Na police, you are vulnerable bro and you know she's OK, in the sense she's well to do so marrying her is not like a favour just that she need children and companion. Also know female are favour in court case outside.

I will advise you'd wife her here in Nigeria since she's a Nigerian.

He wants to relocate

yemi1504:
Marry her bro even though I am not a fan of Nigerian women. Once you get there, get a very good job so that even if there is a divorce, you are still well off financially. Nigeria is a mess currently, so take any opportunity to get out of this shithole! If you can't do it for you, do it for your unborn children and generations after, no children deserve to be brought up in this mess of a shithole country. I have said my piece. Congratulations bro, you just gave your self the better life, wish I were in your shoes bro.

don't see this as opportunity to a better life bro, that is a very bad foundation to start a marriage it should be based on love and respect not gains!!!!

@ Trumptweet : I cannot give you advise about how a lady in a particular country will be because not all ladies are the same in that country. They are individuals. However, if you do decide to practice medicine in America I believe you will be able to make some good money!

bayusman:
Go for her if you like her if it doesn't work out. Walk out..

I hope you see this

I have seen it. Thank you.

bukatyne:
Funny thread!

See guys advising OP to marry a stranger because of 'life long opportunities.'

Greedy greedy

Like MrBrownJay would say:

Better know the rules of engagement and have a game plan.

Everyone is a stranger, even those your marry in Nigeria. Why do people treat people in other climes differently?. If they LOVE themselves, they will overcome their individual differences. The OP needs to be genuine and honest with her and they should both determine to make it work. I am a Yoruba, and there is a proverb in Yoruba that defines Marriage as "Oja Okunkun" - meaning Night market - you cant be sure of what you are buying till you get home.

Trumptweet:
Please help me. I am in medical school. My cousin and his wife (both living in USA) introduced a girl to me. They want me to come over.

From my understanding the two families are friends.

According to my cousin, "she is a good girl from a good family "

I have already started chatting with her, she seems cool, apparently.

But I need unbiased views from those with experience please.

Put yourself in my position and advise me.

she's 27. She is doing her masters .im 29, finishing next yr.


Thank you.

The disadvantage is you will be marrying an independent woman who wont take shít from you. When you relocate over there be of your best behaviour. Na women dey run things there

thebosstrevor1:
Advantage

You might end up getting citizenship
She Will be the mother of your kids
She might be very feminine if she has not been brainwashed by feminist ideologies and gender studies.
She will support and help you if she understands her role
She will be educated and might have a well balanced world view.

Disadvantage

She might Be a Feminist
She might emasculate you, if you dont earn well
She might end up driving you out of the home if you guys have trouble.
You might become homeless
Cultural shock of what relationships and marriage is supposed to be like

A good woman will be a good woman no matter the area.

Good advise. Once she is already westernized, op might find her difficult to handle. Akata ladies are too sturbon to handle.

Why are they trying to matchmake her at that age, having been born and brought up in America?

As a soon to be dr, I would have asked u to cool down as ur chances of entering US is very bright.

gaius01:
Sir with all due respect, marrying such lady is not a problem if only She can come to Nigeria to marry and stay, but you going up there that implies you will be short to some right as a man. This lady is OK financial and educationally and marrying her you can't control anything about her. Beside she woñt have the moral an average Nigeria girls .

What do you mean by control, you don't know this lady, both of the people involved in this whatever are still getting to know each other, so it's left to them to decide what will be expected from each other.

They will have to understand that they might have different expectations when it comes to some things, so far this expectations are simple they will be fine.

Trumptweet:
Please help me. I am in medical school. My cousin and his wife (both living in USA) introduced a girl to me. They want me to come over.

From my understanding the two families are friends.

According to my cousin, "she is a good girl from a good family "

I have already started chatting with her, she seems cool, apparently.

But I need unbiased views from those with experience please.

Put yourself in my position and advise me.

she's 27. She is doing her masters .im 29, finishing next yr.


Thank you.

The most important thing is if the two of you will be compatible

But bear in mind that for the fact that she is based abroad, you have to tread gently, they do have this mentality of being higher than others

King44:
don't see this as opportunity to a better life bro, that is a very bad foundation to start a marriage it should be based on love and respect not gains!!!!

Says who? Marriage is a real scam abroad if you don't know, I have been abroad before so I know what I am saying.

Trumptweet:
Thank you. I appreciate really.

Your starting salary in Nigeria will be 2.7m naira

Write and pass USMLE and get a US hospital placement and your starting salary is more than 20m naira

She gets her medical doctor, you get her papers. Isn't that why your cousin is doing the hook up?

Chii59:
See the mindset of some men.
"Marry here in Nigeria"
"She should come to Nigeria to stay"
Gosh, if you think like this, avoid me.

They know that its only in Niggeria they will be able to enslave, and treat her anyhow without any repercussions.

nexta007:
I also don't have any experience. But, you must prepare for some Cultural Shock. The humility we expect from our women here ain't the same you'll get there. So, you must have that in mind.

Cultural norms and values create EXPECTATIONS and PERCEPTIONS.

Women in the West consider marriage a quest for companionship and Love in a partnership as a consequence CHARACTER is intrinsic to the relationship.

Women in Nigeria consider marriage predominantly a step up to financial independence and love is anchored on, "What can he offer Me" And your socio-economic standing much more important than character.

As a consequence, the wife can quite often be considered as a glorious house help. That is there to attend to all your needs.

These are all stereo types.

However, if you first and she secondly have true in depth unquestionable Christian Character, then you are BLESSED.

Get married and live in loving peaceful harmony.

pansophist:
1. Make sure she chooses you. Arranged marriage works well when the lady in particular finds the man attractive and naturally wants to be with him. Men generally can be with a woman that they do not love, especially if she is a good person, I can not say the same for women. So I repeat, make sure that she chooIses you and truly want to be with you. By choosing you, I do not necessarily mean meeting you herself and not through arrangement (that is just a vehicle to meet each other), but that she finds you attractive, adorable, and respectable.

2. Do not go have a relationship with her because of the prospect of green card. You NEED to find her as a good partner genuinely. and the prospect of living in the US will just be an addition, to make your marital life prosperous.

3. Be conscious of the power dynamic in your relationship. Traditionally, it is the woman that integrates into the lifestyle of a man, not otherwise. She is the one adopting your surname, moving to you, being impregnated by you, and submitting (not to be understood as tyranny/subordination) to you. Make sure you have something going for yourself, and green-card is not something that will be that attractive, or at least have self-respect to not make it influence such a lifelong decision. Moving to live with her in the US, getting your papers through her, being economically handicapped while she simultaneously assume the role of the torch bearer is not a recipe for a good start. Only truly good women will take that role and not look down on you. You know her better, so don't take this as an express advice.

4. Most importantly, make sure she is not settling for, but chooses you out of all her options. A question I would ask myself would be why she can not find a man in the US, a country with a population of about x2 of Nigeria. Why go through the stress of long distance relationship with you and considering marriage when she haven't even met you? It is important you know that in every deregulated relationship (meaning a lady freely making romantic decisions without social/cultural pressure), it is the woman that chooses the man, not otherwise. You may argue that you asked her out firstly, but her acceptance is mere confirmation of having choosing you out of all her suitors. Your words/toasting skills didn't do the job, but the kind of man you have made yourself to be.

Tell her to consider the prospect of visiting you in Nigeria, and explore the possibility of living in Nigeria and lead your family life there, then in the nearest future, you may both move abroad when you are convinced about the kind of woman she is. Don't just uproot your life and move to her to the US, leaving you vulnerable and dependent on her, in a feminized society. personally I would never do that. After all, Nigeria is her country as well. I am advising you as someone that lives abroad, and have seen how lots of relationship crashed because of not having proper planning and jumping to marry anyone because of the chance to move abroad.

Be honest with yourself. If you want to marry her genuinely, pay attention to the above advice. But if you want to marry her to move abroad, I can guarantee you that she probably will be that smart to see your intention and rain hell on you, and it would be better you just remain in Nigeria and live your life peacefully, than be at the mercy of an estranged wife in a foreign, feminized society. Good luck.

Thank you. Appreciate.

MT:
Everyone is a stranger, even those your marry in Nigeria. Why do people treat people in other climes differently?. If they LOVE themselves, they will overcome their individual differences. The OP needs to be genuine and honest with her and they should both determine to make it work. I am a Yoruba, and there is a proverb in Yoruba that defines Marriage as "Oja Okunkun" - meaning Night market - you cant be sure of what you are buying till you get home.

A 'stranger' you can storm his/her house unannounced is different from a 'stranger' you have to prepare days in advance to receive. You both are in a controlled environment and cannot really court. Also there is the culture and environmental shock you have to prepare for.

My problem is the posters; they saw abroad wife and all senses have flown out of the window. It is 'broda OP marry to save your generation.'

Who said the girl is 'his pass' to the next level?

Guestlander:
And you believe if you marry someone in Nigeria you are not bounded by the marital laws in the US or other countries?

Let dem dey talk. After they will complain that things don't work in 9ja. Whereas they are the ones that flout the law and dabaru everything.

@ Trumptweet
A good woman can be raised in Tibet, Wuhan Province of China, Lebanon, Sweden, USA, Sambisa forest or anywhere. Same as a bad woman.

What 9ja people call a good woman is a mugu dey can use anyhow.

Study the woman, if she seems good, then try to be a good man and and pray over the rest.

Trumptweet:
Please help me. I am in medical school. My cousin and his wife (both living in USA) introduced a girl to me. They want me to come over.

From my understanding the two families are friends.

According to my cousin, "she is a good girl from a good family "

I have already started chatting with her, she seems cool, apparently.

But I need unbiased views from those with experience please.

Put yourself in my position and advise me.

she's 27. She is doing her masters .im 29, finishing next yr.


Thank you.

Fake news

gaius01:
Sir with all due respect, marrying such lady is not a problem if only She can come to Nigeria to marry and stay, but you going up there that implies you will be short to some right as a man. This lady is OK financial and educationally and marrying her you can't control anything about her. Beside she woñt have the moral an average Nigeria girls .

You think you can control them even in Nigeria? LOL

pansophist:
1. Make sure she chooses you. Arranged marriage works well when the lady in particular finds the man attractive and naturally wants to be with him. Men generally can be with a woman that they do not love, especially if she is a good person, I can not say the same for women. So I repeat, make sure that she chooses you and truly want to be with you. By choosing you, I do not necessarily mean meeting you herself and not through arrangement (that is just a vehicle to meet each other), but that she finds you attractive, adorable, and respectable.

2. Do not go have a relationship with her because of the prospect of green card. You NEED to find her as a good partner genuinely. and the prospect of living in the US will just be an addition, to make your marital life prosperous.

3. Be conscious of the power dynamic in your relationship. Traditionally, it is the woman that integrates into the lifestyle of a man, not otherwise. She is the one adopting your surname, moving to you, being impregnated by you, and submitting (not to be understood as tyranny/subordination) to you. Make sure you have something going for yourself, and green-card is not something that will be that attractive, or at least have self-respect to not make it influence such a lifelong decision. Moving to live with her in the US, getting your papers through her, being economically handicapped while she simultaneously assume the role of the torch bearer is not a recipe for a good start. Only truly good women will take that role and not look down on you. You know her better, so don't take this as an express advice.

4. Most importantly, make sure she is not settling for, but chooses you out of all her options. A question I would ask myself would be why she can not find a man in the US, a country with a population of about x2 of Nigeria. Why go through the stress of long distance relationship with you and considering marriage when she haven't even met you? It is important you know that in every deregulated relationship (meaning a lady freely making romantic decisions without social/cultural pressure), it is the woman that chooses the man, not otherwise. You may argue that you asked her out firstly, but her acceptance is mere confirmation of having choosing you out of all her suitors. Your words/toasting skills didn't do the job, but the kind of man you have made yourself to be.

Tell her to consider the prospect of visiting you in Nigeria, and explore the possibility of living in Nigeria and lead your family life there, then in the nearest future, you may both move abroad when you are convinced about the kind of woman she is. Don't just uproot your life and move to her to the US, leaving you vulnerable and dependent on her, in a feminized society. personally I would never do that. After all, Nigeria is her country as well. I am advising you as someone that lives abroad, and have seen how lots of relationship crashed because of not having proper planning and jumping to marry anyone because of the chance to move abroad.

Be honest with yourself. If you want to marry her genuinely, pay attention to the above advice. But if you want to marry her to move abroad, I can guarantee you that she probably will be that smart to see your intention and rain hell on you, and it would be better you just remain in Nigeria and live your life peacefully, than be at the mercy of an estranged wife in a foreign, feminized society. Good luck.

This is the most sensible and objective comment on this thread! I can tell this person has a lot of self dignity, unlike so many on this nairaland who are willing to mortgage their life and future for 'papers'. I find it incredulous that I will put my life into someone's hands, just because of 'papers' which I can get myself. Mind you, I am a woman and I can even understand if a woman does that, but a man

bukatyne:
A 'stranger' you can storm his/her house unannounced is different from a 'stranger' you have to prepare days in advance to receive. You both are in a controlled environment and cannot really court. Also there is the culture and environmental shock you have to prepare for.

My problem is the posters; they saw abroad wife and all senses have flown out of the window. It is 'broda OP marry to save your generation.'

Who said the girl is 'his pass' to the next level?

We have seen diverse cases of these "strangers" that you can storm their houses at anytime ending in tears. Some Akata are far better than some Nigeria ladies and vice versa. They should just be real to themselves. This life has evolved and this supposed "akata or stranger" comes with bells and whistles that cant be ignored. It doesn't make him a long throat, but when a dwarf stands on the shoulder of a giant, he becomes tall automatically. That shouldnt be the priority but that shouldnt be ignored either.

There is nothing like a Nigerian born in the US...if she’s born in the US, she most probably lacks moral background of anything Nigerian....so she is AKATA.


I’m talking to you from experience....just a few of them with strict and culturally motivated fathers/mothers; plus the inner conviction by the same girl to wanna learn Nigerian morals....are the very few who u can still call “Nigerian living in the US”.

Citizenship is the only pros. If you can get your citizenship without her, go for it. Her giving you citizenship is a fûcked up red flag. Ignore at your own peril.

You can get citizenship by education in Canada...be flexible.

Akata girls are very independent and them dey get coconut head. They lack moral knowledge of caring for “husband”. If you tell her to prepare a meal for you, she’d most probably order you a pizza with her money(that’s if she’s the deeperlife version of akata)...if na regular akata, na u go order yourself

yemi1504:
Marry her bro even though I am not a fan of Nigerian women. Once you get there, get a very good job so that even if there is a divorce, you are still well off financially. Nigeria is a mess currently, so take any opportunity to get out of this shithole! If you can't do it for you, do it for your unborn children and generations after, no children deserve to be brought up in this mess of a shithole country. I have said my piece. Congratulations bro, you just gave your self the better life, wish I were in your shoes bro.

Shame of you! Omo mehn. Poverty is a real bastard. You want a man like you to shamelessly ride on the back of a woman, just for papers? Jeez, many Nigerian men really lack dignity. You're one of them.

See him - 'I'm not a fan of Nigerian women'. So said a man in his shit-hole in Mushin. Believe me, Nigerian women are just managing you! 'Oyibo' women won't touch you with a long pole!

Better life? Lol.....