₦airaland Forum

JIMMY1393:
The part that's making me laugh is that your aunt is vexing you didn't give her hero role in a made up story lmao

iLegendd:
Falling from a coconut tree 15 years ago when I heard my entire community screaming. I didn't know why they were screaming.

Here is the short story. In my community, we have two oil companies (Total and Agip). For the past 5 years, Total E&P has been building a gas turbine for us, but we lost hope because it has taken so long. Agip was also building one. The plan was to give 24/7 constant free light to us based on MoU.

We do use NEPA and Total pays the bill — in billions of Naira. Meaning: we don't pay NEPA bills, but the light wasn't constant, yet NEPA keeps billing these oil companies every month.

One day, I was at a bushy garden with a friend, a little far from home and houses to pluck coconut.

All of a sudden, we heard the loudest scream on Earth and he didn't know what was happening. Since I was at the top of the coconut, I paid attention and heard, "Light don come, light don come."

I sighted a 2-storey building and saw light everywhere. Omoh, I screamed and guess what? I let go of my hands at the top of the coconut tree (out of excitement) and slammed myself on the ground. I almost died, but I stood, picked my machete and we started running home. We didn't care to carry any coconut again.

We got home and truly, it was a f*cking full voltage light unlike NEPA. It even destroyed some people's appliances and bulb.

So, for 15+ years now, we have always had free constant light and most people here don't use gas, but electric stove. It saves cost on gas cooker and fuel.

Though, once in a while, when some crazy rain bring down polls or destroy transformers, there is blackout for some days or weeks until they get fixed.

We went back to the bush after our eyes don clear to pick our coconut, but we couldn't see them. Sharp guys don move am. Fruit and vegetables were actually free and surplus back then, so we didn't care.

Thanks for my life and all the crazy/dangerous risks I took as a teenager. I had even worse adventures than this, but let me not talk about them because they are scary. I'd rather write a book with them and make money than share them for free. Content Is King. Your stories (when packaged) can make you rich, so be wise. #Smile.

Burna440:
My childhood was fun and I wished I never grew up, there is no crazy or bad play that I did not indulge in..

The one I will never forget;
We had local fowls back then, which they can just stop to lay an egg anywhere, one day Me and my cousin came across one trying to lay, so we were curious to know how it will do it, while watching it the fowl started grunting to push it out, my cousin noticed and shouted kai, the fowl stop, after few minutes the fowl tried again we still shouted and it stopped, we continued like that for like an hour till the fowl could not bare it and just decided to lay it at all cost, when it was grunting and we were shouting it didn’t stop until we noticed d egg was coming out, my cousin bent to pick a stone, on noticing the fowl decided to run at us, Na so e pursue my cousin the guy run enter road machine hit d guy, till today he can’t walk well, he is called fowl leg till today

chatinent:
Lol.

Baba, have you dipped your hands into a bucket of water on a boiling ring before?


That feeling.

jy2kbeyond:
How old were you and your sister?

I can't imagine the mess you both created

Jesterfly:
It was in the early 90s, I think I was in pri 1 or so.
We were living in police barracks, bompai kano. I was playing football with my mates outside while my mom was on her sewing machine inside and boiling water as well for my bath. So I came and she asked me to check the water whether it was ok for my bath, I went to where the water was, saw it boiling, instead of me to go back and tell her the water was boiling, I foolishly dipped my hand inside the boiling water, maybe to feel whether it was hot or not, Na so the water shock me o, hit me on the ground and the boiling water poured on my body. Till today the back of my right hand is scarred, my groin is also scarred from that incidence.

Geedy:
In Olamide's voice "melo melo, melo melo mofe wi, melo melo, melo melo mofe so"

Mehn when I looked back at wht I've done as a child n look at d circumstances surrounding me today, I say to myself it's a pay back time.

I'm ds guy with innocent luk, but within me is an abode of d demon.

Shd I talk abt hw I'll shit in a nylon n throw it across to our neighbor's comp, r hw me n my geng will set people's farm ablaze, r hw we'll leave school during teaching period and went to people's farm to pluck oranges, pineapples, cashew even kolanut, I can't tell it all, I did sht as a child.

The one I can still vividly remember was wen I brought my partners in crime to our house. There used to be ds lime tree in front of our house owned by my landlord (ds man a retired teacher then, get craze for head).
We plucked a bucket-full of the lime, dug hole n play snookers with it. Dat was how d man (landlord) caught me d my guys in act, we hd to run n leave evrythin behind. We set out for anoda place, play until d evening, everyone went dere own separate places.
Knowing wht lies ahead of me at home, I hd to sneaked in. Few minutes later food was set, as a family we eat in group.
To cut to the chase, that was how ds man just showed up from no where, alas! I want to run but no other way outta the room.
He held my hand and drag me out of my parents gently. It's obvious my dad wasn't surprised he knows wht I'm capable of.

Here's the funny part:

As d man was dragging me I hd to hold unto a metal which was nailed to the door. He pulled me but he couldn't since he's old. My dad nw told me in my language (Idoma) "byo kankan" meaning hold it very tight, and at d same time told the man in Yoruba "Baba efa daadaa" meaning Baba pull him very well.

He kept repeating d same thing to me n d man vice versa.
As an elderly man he pulled me with all his energy until he wears out.

Then of course he thought of another way by biting my hand off the grip, that was how he finally got me. Out of the trouble I hv let him pass through, he beat the shit outta me. lol.

PrinceofAgoAre:
So u literally gave someone a rim job.. Pukes

Burna440:
My childhood was fun and I wished I never grew up, there is no crazy or bad play that I did not indulge in..

The one I will never forget;
We had local fowls back then, which they can just stop to lay an egg anywhere, one day Me and my cousin came across one trying to lay, so we were curious to know how it will do it, while watching it the fowl started grunting to push it out, my cousin noticed and shouted kai, the fowl stop, after few minutes the fowl tried again we still shouted and it stopped, we continued like that for like an hour till the fowl could not bare it and just decided to lay it at all cost, when it was grunting and we were shouting it didn’t stop until we noticed d egg was coming out, my cousin bent to pick a stone, on noticing the fowl decided to run at us, Na so e pursue my cousin the guy run enter road machine hit d guy, till today he can’t walk well, he is called fowl leg till today

chatinent:
Should I say that was hypocritical of your dad?

Geedy:
In Olamide's voice "melo melo, melo melo mofe wi, melo melo, melo melo mofe so"

Mehn when I looked back at wht I've done as a child n look at d circumstances surrounding me today, I say to myself it's a pay back time.

I'm ds guy with innocent luk, but within me is an abode of d demon.

Shd I talk abt hw I'll shit in a nylon n throw it across to our neighbor's comp, r hw me n my geng will set people's farm ablaze, r hw we'll leave school during teaching period and went to people's farm to pluck oranges, pineapples, cashew even kolanut, I can't tell it all, I did sht as a child.

The one I can still vividly remember was wen I brought my partners in crime to our house. There used to be ds lime tree in front of our house owned by my landlord (ds man a retired teacher then, get craze for head).
We plucked a bucket-full of the lime, dug hole n play snookers with it. Dat was how d man (landlord) caught me d my guys in act, we hd to run n leave evrythin behind. We set out for anoda place, play until d evening, everyone went dere own separate places.
Knowing wht lies ahead of me at home, I hd to sneaked in. Few minutes later food was set, as a family we eat in group.
To cut to the chase, that was how ds man just showed up from no where, alas! I want to run but no other way outta the room.
He held my hand and drag me out of my parents gently. It's obvious my dad wasn't surprised he knows wht I'm capable of.

Here's the funny part:

As d man was dragging me I hd to hold unto a metal which was nailed to the door. He pulled me but he couldn't since he's old. My dad nw told me in my language (Idoma) "byo kankan" meaning hold it very tight, and at d same time told the man in Yoruba "Baba efa daadaa" meaning Baba pull him very well.

He kept repeating d same thing to me n d man vice versa.
As an elderly man he pulled me with all his energy until he wears out.

Then of course he thought of another way by biting my hand off the grip, that was how he finally got me. Out of the trouble I hv let him pass through, he beat the shit outta me. lol.

holuwajobar:
On a Sunday evening, I took shaving stick and shave my neighbor son eyebrow and half of his hair on the head before my mom caught me

iLegendd:
Falling from a coconut tree 15 years ago when I heard my entire community screaming. I didn't know why they were screaming.

Here is the short story. In my community, we have two oil companies (Total and Agip). For the past 5 years, Total E&P has been building a gas turbine for us, but we lost hope because it has taken so long. Agip was also building one. The plan was to give 24/7 constant free light to us based on MoU.

We do use NEPA and Total pays the bill — in billions of Naira. Meaning: we don't pay NEPA bills, but the light wasn't constant, yet NEPA keeps billing these oil companies every month.

One day, I was at a bushy garden with a friend, a little far from home and houses to pluck coconut.

All of a sudden, we heard the loudest scream on Earth and he didn't know what was happening. Since I was at the top of the coconut, I paid attention and heard, "Light don come, light don come."

I sighted a 2-storey building and saw light everywhere. Omoh, I screamed and guess what? I let go of my hands at the top of the coconut tree (out of excitement) and slammed myself on the ground. I almost died, but I stood, picked my machete and we started running home. We didn't care to carry any coconut again.

We got home and truly, it was a f*cking full voltage light unlike NEPA. It even destroyed some people's appliances and bulb.

So, for 15+ years now, we have always had free constant light and most people here don't use gas, but electric stove. It saves cost on gas cooker and fuel.

Though, once in a while, when some crazy rain bring down polls or destroy transformers, there is blackout for some days or weeks until they get fixed.

We went back to the bush after our eyes don clear to pick our coconut, but we couldn't see them. Sharp guys don move am. Fruit and vegetables were actually free and surplus back then, so we didn't care.

Thanks for my life and all the crazy/dangerous risks I took as a teenager. I had even worse adventures than this, but let me not talk about them because they are scary. I'd rather write a book with them and make money than share them for free. Content Is King. Your stories (when packaged) can make you rich, so be wise. #Smile.

iLegendd:
Falling from a coconut tree 15 years ago when I heard my entire community screaming. I didn't know why they were screaming.

Here is the short story. In my community, we have two oil companies (Total and Agip). For the past 5 years, Total E&P has been building a gas turbine for us, but we lost hope because it has taken so long. Agip was also building one. The plan was to give 24/7 constant free light to us based on MoU.

We do use NEPA and Total pays the bill — in billions of Naira. Meaning: we don't pay NEPA bills, but the light wasn't constant, yet NEPA keeps billing these oil companies every month.

One day, I was at a bushy garden with a friend, a little far from home and houses to pluck coconut.

All of a sudden, we heard the loudest scream on Earth and he didn't know what was happening. Since I was at the top of the coconut, I paid attention and heard, "Light don come, light don come."

I sighted a 2-storey building and saw light everywhere. Omoh, I screamed and guess what? I let go of my hands at the top of the coconut tree (out of excitement) and slammed myself on the ground. I almost died, but I stood, picked my machete and we started running home. We didn't care to carry any coconut again.

We got home and truly, it was a f*cking full voltage light unlike NEPA. It even destroyed some people's appliances and bulb.

So, for 15+ years now, we have always had free constant light and most people here don't use gas, but electric stove. It saves cost on gas cooker and fuel.

Though, once in a while, when some crazy rain bring down polls or destroy transformers, there is blackout for some days or weeks until they get fixed.

We went back to the bush after our eyes don clear to pick our coconut, but we couldn't see them. Sharp guys don move am. Fruit and vegetables were actually free and surplus back then, so we didn't care.

Thanks for my life and all the crazy/dangerous risks I took as a teenager. I had even worse adventures than this, but let me not talk about them because they are scary. I'd rather write a book with them and make money than share them for free. Content Is King. Your stories (when packaged) can make you rich, so be wise. #Smile.

fergie001:
Chineke......

vickyrotex angelfrost gbest90 fuckingmallam45 ebukahades10 paulolee emeijeh

Anny505:
Our bed was all this spring bed were dey always make noise, na why we move am to floor

Angelfrost:
25 wetin??! Na Basketball??!.…. Maybe he scored half of the goals himself.

JIMMY1393:
Wow this is somehow sad...can't he get operation done

ghettokid1:
my most memorable was conceding 25goals as a goalkeeper in a competive match...I still never believe its real....not as a kid though

JIMMY1393:
If you see how I'm laughing now Sha hahahaha...the part where you said they wanted to move but the purging no gree

Geedy:
In Olamide's voice "melo melo, melo melo mofe wi, melo melo, melo melo mofe so"

Mehn when I looked back at wht I've done as a child n look at d circumstances surrounding me today, I say to myself it's a pay back time.

I'm ds guy with innocent luk, but within me is an abode of d demon.

Shd I talk abt hw I'll shit in a nylon n throw it across to our neighbor's comp, r hw me n my geng will set people's farm ablaze, r hw we'll leave school during teaching period and went to people's farm to pluck oranges, pineapples, cashew even kolanut, I can't tell it all, I did sht as a child.

The one I can still vividly remember was wen I brought my partners in crime to our house. There used to be ds lime tree in front of our house owned by my landlord (ds man a retired teacher then, get craze for head).
We plucked a bucket-full of the lime, dug hole n play snookers with it. Dat was how d man (landlord) caught me d my guys in act, we hd to run n leave evrythin behind. We set out for anoda place, play until d evening, everyone went dere own separate places.
Knowing wht lies ahead of me at home, I hd to sneaked in. Few minutes later food was set, as a family we eat in group.
To cut to the chase, that was how ds man just showed up from no where, alas! I want to run but no other way outta the room.
He held my hand and drag me out of my parents gently. It's obvious my dad wasn't surprised he knows wht I'm capable of.

Here's the funny part:

As d man was dragging me I hd to hold unto a metal which was nailed to the door. He pulled me but he couldn't since he's old. My dad nw told me in my language (Idoma) "byo kankan" meaning hold it very tight, and at d same time told the man in Yoruba "Baba efa daadaa" meaning Baba pull him very well.

He kept repeating d same thing to me n d man vice versa.
As an elderly man he pulled me with all his energy until he wears out.

Then of course he thought of another way by biting my hand off the grip, that was how he finally got me. Out of the trouble I hv let him pass through, he beat the shit outta me. lol.

Truthspoon1:
omoh you just remind me another memory, I used to kill fowl for fun and throw them inside a small bush opposite our house, the number of fowl wey I kill ehm reach to form poultry. one day one girl come catch me, i beg her to no talk, she come go report give her brother the owner of the fowl.e no reach better 3 minutes i see one angry crying boy running towards me with stones, omoh I run enter house but the boy no waste him stones o. When I get mind come out 30 minutes later our veranda just be like where them mould block. nobody tell me, i no kill any fowl again.

jaszplus12:
Oooooohhh dear! Laugh wan kee me... but sorry about your cousin!

KefeeBRIGHT91:
Growing up, i was very stubborn. I hope Pman isn't a Nairalander though...

...so he'll always gets sealed yoghurt for only himself and puts it in the fridge to cool off. I then resolved to using INJECTION to suck my share out of the can, then suck back water into the same orifice left by the needle .
P. S. - i was never caught

DeAlphaMale:
Ahh e no get any bush wey i no enter... Me and my best friend Manasseh we just like scouring through bushes for fun and also in hunt of squirrels birds and grasshoppers..

One aunty that time would normally call me into her room that time when her parents are out and she'll gimme 5naira to put my thing in her thing felt weird then but i couldn't just reject 5naira

We also acted alot of daddy and mommy

JIMMY1393:
Ok this isn't funny at all...naked flogging? Haba...hope your good now

purples25:
My aunt that wasn't much older than me convinced me to run away with her, and we did. Packed clothes and left the house.

We went far, found an uncompleted building where one worker was so nice to us and even bought us food. It was like an adventure, but we were scared stiff.

When evening came, we realized that our story book adventures were not like real life and started going home. My aunt said i knew stories and i could make up one to save us and if i could open my eyes for long i would start crying and i did.

When we got home the whole neighborhood came out. Everyone was looking for us. They even called the police. I told a big crowd a story that shocked them. Gosh, i was so scared, i did the biggest fraud of my life, invented on the spot.

I was crying profusely and told the crowd we were abducted by some guys at the back of our house. They led us away quietly and later blindfolded us. We were taken to a place that i can't remember cuz of the blindfold. When caged i managed to get one of their guns and point it to them and with the threat we escaped. I found a bush and threw the gun there.

This story was taken high and low, we were taken to the police to file a report. I was taken to the inspector, other high levels of police. I repeated my story without one glitch. My aunt was even like, i didn't give her a hero role in the whole story. I was believed so much, that i was allowed to take a search party into the bush to look for the gun i threw away. The inspector even showed me a gun to weigh. I don't think i was more than eleven or twelve.

People started calling me gun girl. I was ashamed cuz i was sure few knew i had lied. I felt guilt in myself.

It was one day in grandmas car, she asked me, and i told her the truth. This was years after.

She just looked at me and said "You can kill someone o."

greatbrian:
That's child abuse bro