You now understand why ladies look forward to marriage.

For me, this attitude is enough to divorce her. Even if na buying salt, she should willingly take one small task up.

https://tobechispeaks./2020/11/16/relate-dont-marry/

GIANTPLUSHUB:
This is parts of the reasons the rich will continue to marry the rich while the poor does the same. Your wife behaves like someone who hasn't worked hard for money before, so she doesn't have the mentality that someone that supported her business with his hard earned money needs to be supported too. Bro, trust me, she's said exactly what she would do and that's what will happen. Infact, it might even be worst. Have seen several of such cases to the extent of ordinary pencil, the lady will ask her daughter to wait for her dad.

See, here's my advice for you. Please, support her business but drastically reduce the support amount to like 300 to 500k and use the remaining to invest in yourself as you can see that, you now have a load of task ahead of you.

Once you support the business, guide her in upgrading to a larger space and more machines just the way you want. This, you aren't doing with your money but her money. Only advice and guide her.

Lastly, as times goes on. Bring in tactics towards her supporting the family. I wish you all the very best!

Thank you so much.

If you marry her just pray that u don't encounter any prolonged financial problem if not, a total disaster awaits u.

Nazgul:

She has clearly told you that you stand to benefit nothing from her if you go ahead with the marriage plans..

...except the sex on every last Thursday of every month.

It's not a bad idea to set a lady up so she can afford anything for herself and kids but when the mentality is bluntly negative, you have to think twice.

I'd advice to talk to her tho. At times the something in hand is worth 10 somethings in the bush. The gals out there rn are mostly rough. No go run from frypan enter fire.

GOOOGLE504:


...except the sex on every last Thursday of every month.

It's not a bad idea to set a lady up so she can afford anything for herself and kids but when the mentality is bluntly negative, you have to think twice.

I'd advice to talk to her tho. At times the something in hand is worth 10 somethings in the bush. The gals out there rn are mostly rough. No go run from frypan enter fire.

Many thanks

Do u know tomorrow?what if things u just finished a project and u are little broke?so she will still leave u to bear all responsibilities?this is a strong red light for u...I had no job for the first five years of my marriage and my wife carried every responsibilities in love and now I have multiple streams of income to cater for my family..red light loading bro

I canmot live in a house with a woman that contributes nothing.

If u begin that after marriage, that is reason for divorce

If u sjow me that attitide before marriage, i wont marry u no more

OP, God has revealed who she is to u

Marry her and know her money is hers for make up and clothes and hair and her family, while u slave to death

And when she looks too good for u, she will dump u and marry a richer man

I know i WONT marry a parasite. Thank God for the woman i married. She contributes according to her earning power. Anyday she decides to stop, end of marriage (she is not that kind of womn though)

Anoymus:
I have a girlfriend I am meaning to propose to during the festive period, she's everything I want in a woman except few exception which might be a hindrance to the proposal.
Gist is, my babe is a graduate but lack of work made her to learn fashion designing, she's done with the training and she's very good with what she does.

After marriage, I have told her that I'll assist in her business, I'm planning to get a bigger shop space for her and equip it with modern day machines, tools and tailoring materials goods to help make her work lucrative. I'm budgeting about 1.2-1.5m for this.

The issue now is that, 3 days ago, I asked her what her role would be if eventually after marriage she gets the shop, equipments and all, where she would come in in terms of responsibilities in the house. Her reply was she doesn't want to assume any responsibility and that it's my duty to cater for the family and she can only help & I shouldn't make anything compulsory for her. So many thoughts came through my mind. One of it was that, where the proceeds of her investment would be going to if I should shoulder all the responsibilities in the house knowing fully well that she makes money.

I rang my mum and told her of her response, I was shocked that she backed her saying that I shouldn't have asked her to foot anything in the house that it was my sole responsibility as a man to cater for my family my wife inclusive. My dad too, same thing. Even told my gf mum about it too , she giggled and said I shouldn't have asked her n that it's my duty to provide for my family. They all sounded foreign to me. Or am I the one not understanding?

My question now is, why invest that kind of money in her when I'm not sure of getting little or nothing in terms in return help to run the family. That sum of money could get me 4 brand new bikes and 2 neatly used Keke Napep for transportation business. I'm sure I'll be getting returns from these investment weekly or monthly basis.

I don't want who wouldn't have any sense of responsibility at home after investing in her, even if she's covering 10% or 5% I wouldn't mind. Mere helping doesn't go down well with me, she might have and decide not to give out. I rather not invest at all and expect nothing from her.

I don't know if I'm the one over thinking this things or my parent and her mum aren't seeing things from my perspective or am I being inconsiderate?

Criticism, Insults and bashing are welcomed. Thanks

Add more money to that 1.5m, go for surrogacy and live your life to the fullest. Your mom can help you look after the child or you can get a full time babysitter until the child's older.

You can have as much kids as you want if you have more funds.

At least all your care and money would go directly to your kids instead of that ingrate.

Marriage isn't worth the stress. And never settle for less, cuz you deserve better.

Anoymus:
My thoughts exactly. Thank you for your input ma'am.

Let me ask you, is she the type that buys you stuffs...expensive gifts or things according to her pocket....if yes then go ahead but if no then it's a huge red flag she will deal with your sorry ass when the land isn't green or when she is financially secured, better use that money for yourself.... A man shouldering responsibilities alone is what has sent many men yo their early grave due to HBP, stress and nagging from the woman.... Evaluate your options well, most ladies change for the worse when they get married except of course if she truly loves you.....again I feel you flaunted a lot of cash before her....check well man

Zzor:
I support her fully, it's a big turn off for a man to be asking hid wife to be such question,assist her if you can from your heart and I believe she's wise enough to know where and when to assist you as per responsibilities. I hate guys who throw such question,i have ignored a guy for this reason and till today he's still wondering what he did to me, don't give me the impression that your eyes are fixed on my money, its a big turn off

I pity the simp that will marry you, you ladies see marriage as poverty alleviation program, it's high time men start paying you ladies back in your own coin....now before you broke-shame me, I'm very comfortable and my girlfriend is so very supportive..... Unlike leeches like you who want to reap where they did not sow.....una never see anything, useless gold digging hoes, y'all think your pussies are free ticket to a man's wealth

Better keep your money and dont invest in her...all this our girls must get sense by force. Let her go the bank and get capital or meet an investor ...wont she pay returns on investment. We Nigerian guys are allowing our women run over us like rag...is it not CardiB "I dont cook i dont clean" crooner to our ladies that just bought her husband Offset a Lamborghini from her money. If i would advice you man, pause the engagement drill her further before you make final commitment.

Anoymus:

Thank you so much.

Reading your opening piece, I think the way you presented your perspective may be the problem for her.

You come across as someone who's well to do and as a result, she thinks you should be responsible financially every step of the home front cause it's easy for you.

You said you asked her what her responsibilities would be, not where or how she can help. Responsibility means duty in this scenario for her and not filling-in when there's a need

Hence, she's highly unlikely to contribute to major recurring expenses like rent, school fees, feeding, cable, water, electricity, and medical procedures.

As a man, I personally would like to be able to handle all that myself no matter what. (circumstances permitting). I'm sure you intend to yourself.

I'll tell you an open secret, your mom, her mom, my own mom, and the majority of the women out there purchase almost everything needed to run the kitchen themselves. Except the budget for food, the women who earn something would contribute most of the things that prepares a meal. Maybe not at the very beginning of the marriage, but with time they'll shoulder the majority because everybody wants to be responsible for something. And they'll buy all the little things that the kids need without the husband knowing.

If you sense she won't do any of the above then I'm afraid she's immature about what constitutes marriage. Like the one that'll ask you to buy toothpaste and body cream for the family while she earns.

Because I don't expect that you'll spill water on the floor and wait for her to come home before it'd be taken care of.

Modified: just to emphasize, you don't have to invest in her business before you can expect her to help any way she can financially. That's why common SENSE is the most important thing to look for in any human being. People who are too set in their ways and beliefs don't see the bigger picture.

RomanGreen:


I pity the simp that will marry you, you ladies see marriage as poverty alleviation program, it's high time men start paying you ladies back in your own coin....now before you broke-shame me, I'm very comfortable and my girlfriend is so very supportive..... Unlike leeches like you who want to reap where they did not sow.....una never see anything, useless gold digging hoes, y'all think your pussies are free ticket to a man's wealth

You just quoted a dude with hairy balls.

RomanGreen:


Let me ask you, is she the type that buys you stuffs...expensive gifts or things according to her pocket....if yes then go ahead but if no then it's a huge red flag she will deal with your sorry ass when the land isn't green or when she is financially secured, better use that money for yourself.... A man shouldering responsibilities alone is what has sent many men yo their early grave due to HBP, stress and nagging from the woman.... Evaluate your options well, most ladies change for the worse when they get married except of course if she truly loves you.....again I feel you flaunted a lot of cash before her....check well man

Thanks for your input bro. And as for the question you asked, she is trying, surprises me with gift once a while but I don't think she would be an enduring type when the chips are down. I have had instances where I spent 15k (drugs inclusive) to remove her troublesome decay tooth just 3 days after I gave her 4k to make her hair. She complained saying the 4k won't be enough for the style that she wants to make. Had to add 1500 before she happily hugged me and gave me a peck. Person wey I spend 15k to commot tooth 3 days after the hair incident. Thought she would be greatful and cut her cloth according to their cloth instead of nagging.. But according to her, she loves me very much and I do too

[s]

Shortyy:
This is why advice everyone fend for themselves. To avoid, after all I've done for you. Or what will you give me in return.

[/s]

Anoymus:

The issue now is that, 3 days ago, I asked her what her role would be if eventually after marriage she gets the shop, equipments and all, where she would come in in terms of responsibilities in the house. Her reply was she doesn't want to assume any responsibility and that it's my duty to cater for the family and she can only help & I shouldn't make anything compulsory for her. So many thoughts came through my mind. One of it was that, where the proceeds of her investment would be going to if I should shoulder all the responsibilities in the house knowing fully well that she makes money.

this is a selfish and entitled mentality
marriage is meant to be a partnership
hopefully she will change after marriage.
cheers.

Anoymus:
I have a girlfriend I am meaning to propose to during the festive period, she's everything I want in a woman except few exception which might be a hindrance to the proposal.
Gist is, my babe is a graduate but lack of work made her to learn fashion designing, she's done with the training and she's very good with what she does.

After marriage, I have told her that I'll assist in her business, I'm planning to get a bigger shop space for her and equip it with modern day machines, tools and tailoring materials goods to help make her work lucrative. I'm budgeting about 1.2-1.5m for this.

The issue now is that, 3 days ago, I asked her what her role would be if eventually after marriage she gets the shop, equipments and all, where she would come in in terms of responsibilities in the house. Her reply was she doesn't want to assume any responsibility and that it's my duty to cater for the family and she can only help & I shouldn't make anything compulsory for her. So many thoughts came through my mind. One of it was that, where the proceeds of her investment would be going to if I should shoulder all the responsibilities in the house knowing fully well that she makes money.

I rang my mum and told her of her response, I was shocked that she backed her saying that I shouldn't have asked her to foot anything in the house that it was my sole responsibility as a man to cater for my family my wife inclusive. My dad too, same thing. Even told my gf mum about it too , she giggled and said I shouldn't have asked her n that it's my duty to provide for my family. They all sounded foreign to me. Or am I the one not understanding?

My question now is, why invest that kind of money in her when I'm not sure of getting little or nothing in terms in return help to run the family. That sum of money could get me 4 brand new bikes and 2 neatly used Keke Napep for transportation business. I'm sure I'll be getting returns from these investment weekly or monthly basis.

I don't want who wouldn't have any sense of responsibility at home after investing in her, even if she's covering 10% or 5% I wouldn't mind. Mere helping doesn't go down well with me, she might have and decide not to give out. I rather not invest at all and expect nothing from her.

I don't know if I'm the one over thinking this things or my parent and her mum aren't seeing things from my perspective or am I being inconsiderate?

Criticism, Insults and bashing are welcomed. Thanks

you should have replied thus;

"it's not that I will push our family responsibility to, infact I will won't let that happen, all I am saying is, if anything happens to my source of income, will you stand by me?"

Her reply to this will determine if you should invest in her, i am not saying you should not marry her if her answer doesn't sit well with you, no one is perfect..
. As the man of the house you should be able to handle everyone with sense.

You can decide to not invest in her, instead invest in yourself, afterall yourself is also your family,if i were you i will support her instead of investing in her.

Anoymus:
I have a girlfriend I am meaning to propose to during the festive period, she's everything I want in a woman except few exception which might be a hindrance to the proposal.
Gist is, my babe is a graduate but lack of work made her to learn fashion designing, she's done with the training and she's very good with what she does.

After marriage, I have told her that I'll assist in her business, I'm planning to get a bigger shop space for her and equip it with modern day machines, tools and tailoring materials goods to help make her work lucrative. I'm budgeting about 1.2-1.5m for this.

The issue now is that, 3 days ago, I asked her what her role would be if eventually after marriage she gets the shop, equipments and all, where she would come in in terms of responsibilities in the house. Her reply was she doesn't want to assume any responsibility and that it's my duty to cater for the family and she can only help & I shouldn't make anything compulsory for her. So many thoughts came through my mind. One of it was that, where the proceeds of her investment would be going to if I should shoulder all the responsibilities in the house knowing fully well that she makes money.

I rang my mum and told her of her response, I was shocked that she backed her saying that I shouldn't have asked her to foot anything in the house that it was my sole responsibility as a man to cater for my family my wife inclusive. My dad too, same thing. Even told my gf mum about it too , she giggled and said I shouldn't have asked her n that it's my duty to provide for my family. They all sounded foreign to me. Or am I the one not understanding?

My question now is, why invest that kind of money in her when I'm not sure of getting little or nothing in terms in return help to run the family. That sum of money could get me 4 brand new bikes and 2 neatly used Keke Napep for transportation business. I'm sure I'll be getting returns from these investment weekly or monthly basis.

I don't want who wouldn't have any sense of responsibility at home after investing in her, even if she's covering 10% or 5% I wouldn't mind. Mere helping doesn't go down well with me, she might have and decide not to give out. I rather not invest at all and expect nothing from her.

I don't know if I'm the one over thinking this things or my parent and her mum aren't seeing things from my perspective or am I being inconsiderate?

Criticism, Insults and bashing are welcomed. Thanks

you should have replied thus;

"it's not that I will push our family responsibility to, infact I will won't let that happen, all I am saying is, if anything happens to my source of income, will you stand by me?"

Her reply to this will determine if you should invest in her, i am not saying you should not marry her if her answer doesn't sit well with you, no one is perfect..
. As the man of the house you should be able to handle everyone with sense.

You can decide to not invest in her, instead invest in yourself, afterall yourself is also your family,if i were you i will support her instead of investing in her.

Nuyokoi:

this is a selfish and entitled mentality
marriage is meant to be a partnership
[s]hopefully she will change after marriage.
cheers.[/s]

Wrong! A Leopard never changes its spot.

Op just keep moving, she's not yours. And she doesn't love you don't be fooled. Never settle for less.

Love no be for mouth, any woman that cannot support you financially, no matter how much you have doesn't love you.

Love with your head.

jelel6:


Reading your opening piece, I think the way you presented your perspective may be the problem for her.

You come across as someone who's well to do and as a result, she thinks you should be responsible financially every step of the home front cause it's easy for you.

You said you asked her what her responsibilities would be, not where or how she can help. Responsibility means duty in this scenario for her and not filling-in when there's a need

Hence, she's highly unlikely to contribute to major recurring expenses like rent, school fees, feeding, cable, water, electricity, and medical procedures.

As a man, I personally would like to be able to handle all that myself no matter what. (circumstances permitting). I'm sure you intend to yourself.

I'll tell you an open secret, your mom, her mom, my own mom, and the majority of the women out there purchase almost everything needed to run the kitchen themselves. Except the budget for food, the women who earn something would contribute mostly of the things that prepares a meal. Maybe not at the very beginning of the marriage, but with time they'll shoulder the majority because everybody wants to be responsible for something. And they'll buy all the little things that the kids need without the husband knowing.

If you sense she won't do any of the above then I'm afraid she's immature about what constitutes marriage. Like the one that'll ask you to buy toothpaste and body cream for the family while she earns.

Because I don't expect that you'll spill water on the floor and wait for her to come home before it'd be taken care of.

Modified: just to emphasize, you don't have to invest in her business before you can expect her to help any way she can financially. That's why common SENSE is the most important thing to look for in any human being. People who are too set in their ways and believe don't see the bigger picture.

Thank you for for your input, I'll like to know the type of woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I feel discussions like this would broaden one's scope about the lady. Its possible for her to be earning and the only thing she does is to keeping up with trends, getting the latest bags and clothes in town just to feel among while large chunk of my money goes into maintaining a marriage we both started. I wouldn't care if she buys the latest every every with the proceeds of her business from which I started if she's doing her own part of the responsibility even if na steady 5% I'll gladly appreciate.

Nuyokoi:
this is a selfish and entitled mentality
marriage is meant to be a partnership
hopefully she will change after marriage.
cheers.

Hopefully. Thanks

Anoymus:
I have a girlfriend I am meaning to propose to during the festive period, she's everything I want in a woman except few exception which might be a hindrance to the proposal.
Gist is, my babe is a graduate but lack of work made her to learn fashion designing, she's done with the training and she's very good with what she does....

Criticism, Insults and bashing are welcomed. Thanks

Interesting. I have some questions.

1. Have you been funding her lifestyle? If she has gotten used to receiving finances from you over the years and money never flows in the opposite direction, then you may have contributed to her mindset.

2. Have you spoken to her dad to hear this thoughts about this?

3. Does her family expect you to be financially responsible for them in any way after the marriage?

4. Do you see her as someone who thinks she is doing you a favour in the relationship?

Personally, I would be very worried about the deep level of self-centeredness that would make a person that wants a long-lasting union to say they don't intend to support the union from the returns of a business I heavily invested in. That's some bullshit.

It's not possible for someone who loves you to leave ALL responsibilities for you. You're over thinking nothing. Times are hard now and she should wanna lessen the burden for you no matter how little.

Asides this issue, is she a giver or she's stingy? Revisit this issue again some other time to see if she's stuck on what she actually said the first time. You'll never get a 10/10. And unless this particular issue is a deal breaker for you, please don't leave her.

And that leasing business is good so invest that your money into it. Surely would yield you returns to take care of the home expenses.

Depressed101:
you should have replied thus;

"it's not that I will push our family responsibility to, infact I will won't let that happen, all I am saying is, if anything happens to my source of income, will you stand by me?"

Her reply to this will determine if you should invest in her, i am not saying you should not marry her if her answer doesn't sit well with you, no one is perfect..
. As the man of the house you should be able to handle everyone with sense.

You can decide to not invest in her, instead invest in yourself, afterall yourself is also your family,if i were you i will support her instead of investing in her.

To your question boss, i am quite sure her answers will be YES, she will stand by me when the chips are down but wouldn't change the truth about her real personality.

I'm just hoping and praying that worth the while.

lanre9ja:
She's right, u are the man, she can only help when it necessary

You’re still eating mama thank you that’s why you’re talking foolishly

GiantParrot:


Interesting. I have some questions.

1. Have you been funding her lifestyle? If she has gotten used to receiving finances from you over the years and money never flows in the opposite direction, then you may have contributed to her mindset.

2. Have you spoken to her dad to hear this thoughts about this?

3. Does her family expect you to be financially responsible for them in any way after the marriage?

4. Do you see her as someone who thinks she is doing you a favour in the relationship?

Personally, I would be very worried about the deep level of self-centeredness that would make a person that wants a long-lasting union to say they don't intend to support the union from the returns of a business I heavily invested in. That's some bullshit.

1. I just support her the little way I can. I never paid her school fees while she was in school I just gave her pocket money not more than 10k and it happens only once every 1-2 months

2. They dread their dad so much cos he is a retired soldier, the fear also rubbed on me on the long run. he just knows me as his daughter's friend. We haven't got that opportunity to discuss intimately yet. Her mum na my padi, I speak to her freely. Unlike her dad

3. I'm not sure. I think they should be responsible for all their own finances. More reason why I'm asking questions, make I no go marry person wey go dey carry money dash their people while I expenses go dey choke me.

4. No sir, she isn't. I am also a graduate, and was fortunate to venture into a booming business after graduation in 2014. I'm also not ugly or
handicapped in anyway (I'm sorry if you are a handicap reading this, this is not to spite you in anyway) she's certainly not doing me a favour being in the relationship.

Keep your money in pocket.

Nonsense mentality.

No be say she can afford to open the shop by herself o.

idu1:
Keep your money in pocket.

Nonsense mentality.

No be say she can afford to open the shop by herself o.

You can imaging. After doing all, make she come dey tell me story wey dey touch.

What one Igbo man told me ,
Me - why are many Igbo men very selfless when spending for their wife even tho they hv their own business
Him - because an Igbo man understands that what ever she uses her own money for , is still helping him , cause she’s my responsibility and if she’s using her money to get more clothes , shoes , bags , catering for her family, she’s also helping me , if she using her money on her kids , which are also my kids , she’s also helping me . What ever she’s uses her money for is beneficial to me. A handsome young man from anambra state .

NiRfreak:


Don't invest on her yet. Use the money to invest in yourself or your own personal business since you are going to bear the financial responsibility of the family. Use your head. Don't bring stress to ya life in ya early marriage.

It seems she will respect you more when u have all the money and cater for the family exclusively
.
create a business in ya own name and run it...so when u have enough money u can give away without feeling pained of the consequences, u may now give her to invest in herself. Thats even in the name of love

nough said, smartest answer so far. op this is all you need if you love her enough to go on with the wedding

Anoymus:
I have a girlfriend I am meaning to propose to during the festive period, she's everything I want in a woman except few exception which might be a hindrance to the proposal.
Gist is, my babe is a graduate but lack of work made her to learn fashion designing, she's done with the training and she's very good with what she does.

After marriage, I have told her that I'll assist in her business, I'm planning to get a bigger shop space for her and equip it with modern day machines, tools and tailoring materials goods to help make her work lucrative. I'm budgeting about 1.2-1.5m for this.

The issue now is that, 3 days ago, I asked her what her role would be if eventually after marriage she gets the shop, equipments and all, where she would come in in terms of responsibilities in the house. Her reply was she doesn't want to assume any responsibility and that it's my duty to cater for the family and she can only help & I shouldn't make anything compulsory for her. So many thoughts came through my mind. One of it was that, where the proceeds of her investment would be going to if I should shoulder all the responsibilities in the house knowing fully well that she makes money.

I rang my mum and told her of her response, I was shocked that she backed her saying that I shouldn't have asked her to foot anything in the house that it was my sole responsibility as a man to cater for my family my wife inclusive. My dad too, same thing. Even told my gf mum about it too , she giggled and said I shouldn't have asked her n that it's my duty to provide for my family. They all sounded foreign to me. Or am I the one not understanding?

My question now is, why invest that kind of money in her when I'm not sure of getting little or nothing in terms in return help to run the family. That sum of money could get me 4 brand new bikes and 2 neatly used Keke Napep for transportation business. I'm sure I'll be getting returns from these investment weekly or monthly basis.

I don't want who wouldn't have any sense of responsibility at home after investing in her, even if she's covering 10% or 5% I wouldn't mind. Mere helping doesn't go down well with me, she might have and decide not to give out. I rather not invest at all and expect nothing from her.

I don't know if I'm the one over thinking this things or my parent and her mum aren't seeing things from my perspective or am I being inconsiderate?

Criticism, Insults and bashing are welcomed. Thanks

Getting married to a woman that doesn’t want to take up house responsibilities financially, it’s not advisable if you ask me.
whether she’s working or not let alone investing your hard earned money and she’s saying all that.
It’s a sign to run away from her and never to regret in the future.

The negative effect is that she will be using her money to put herself for another man and cheating on you regularly.

Don’t make same mistake most men have made.

Anoymus:

To your question boss, i am quite sure her answers will be YES, she will stand by me when the chips are down but wouldn't change the truth about her real personality.

I'm just hoping and praying that worth the while.

she's the one you know, a new one might not turn out to be better.

And also, You should not judge her by her words, you might even misunderstood what she meant, you know that our people taught us that it is the husband's duty to take care of the family financially, hence why your mother supported her.