₦airaland Forum

Anoymus:
I have a girlfriend I am meaning to propose to during the festive period, she's everything I want in a woman except few exception which might be a hindrance to the proposal.
Gist is, my babe is a graduate but lack of work made her to learn fashion designing, she's done with the training and she's very good with what she does.

After marriage, I have told her that I'll assist in her business, I'm planning to get a bigger shop space for her and equip it with modern day machines, tools and tailoring materials goods to help make her work lucrative. I'm budgeting about 1.2-1.5m for this.

The issue now is that, 3 days ago, I asked her what her role would be if eventually after marriage she gets the shop, equipments and all, where she would come in in terms of responsibilities in the house. Her reply was she doesn't want to assume any responsibility and that it's my duty to cater for the family and she can only help & I shouldn't make anything compulsory for her. So many thoughts came through my mind. One of it was that, where the proceeds of her investment would be going to if I should shoulder all the responsibilities in the house knowing fully well that she makes money.

I rang my mum and told her of her response, I was shocked that she backed her saying that I shouldn't have asked her to foot anything in the house that it was my sole responsibility as a man to cater for my family my wife inclusive. My dad too, same thing. Even told my girlfriend mum about it too , she giggled and said I shouldn't have asked her n that it's my duty to provide for my family. They all sounded foreign to me. Or am I the one not understanding?

My question now is, why invest that kind of money in her when I'm not sure of getting little or nothing in terms in return help to run the family. That sum of money could get me 4 brand new bikes and 2 neatly used Keke Napep for transportation business. I'm sure I'll be getting returns from these investment weekly or monthly basis.

I don't want who wouldn't have any sense of responsibility at home after investing in her, even if she's covering 10% or 5% I wouldn't mind. Mere helping doesn't go down well with me, she might have and decide not to give out. I rather not invest at all and expect nothing from her.

I don't know if I'm the one over thinking this things or my parent and her mum aren't seeing things from my perspective or am I being inconsiderate?

Criticism, Insults and bashing are welcomed. Thanks

Anoymus:
I have a girlfriend I am meaning to propose to during the festive period, she's everything I want in a woman except few exception which might be a hindrance to the proposal.
Gist is, my babe is a graduate but lack of work made her to learn fashion designing, she's done with the training and she's very good with what she does.

After marriage, I have told her that I'll assist in her business, I'm planning to get a bigger shop space for her and equip it with modern day machines, tools and tailoring materials goods to help make her work lucrative. I'm budgeting about 1.2-1.5m for this.

The issue now is that, 3 days ago, I asked her what her role would be if eventually after marriage she gets the shop, equipments and all, where she would come in in terms of responsibilities in the house. Her reply was she doesn't want to assume any responsibility and that it's my duty to cater for the family and she can only help & I shouldn't make anything compulsory for her. So many thoughts came through my mind. One of it was that, where the proceeds of her investment would be going to if I should shoulder all the responsibilities in the house knowing fully well that she makes money.

I rang my mum and told her of her response, I was shocked that she backed her saying that I shouldn't have asked her to foot anything in the house that it was my sole responsibility as a man to cater for my family my wife inclusive. My dad too, same thing. Even told my gf mum about it too , she giggled and said I shouldn't have asked her n that it's my duty to provide for my family. They all sounded foreign to me. Or am I the one not understanding?

My question now is, why invest that kind of money in her when I'm not sure of getting little or nothing in terms in return help to run the family. That sum of money could get me 4 brand new bikes and 2 neatly used Keke Napep for transportation business. I'm sure I'll be getting returns from these investment weekly or monthly basis.

I don't want who wouldn't have any sense of responsibility at home after investing in her, even if she's covering 10% or 5% I wouldn't mind. Mere helping doesn't go down well with me, she might have and decide not to give out. I rather not invest at all and expect nothing from her.

I don't know if I'm the one over thinking this things or my parent and her mum aren't seeing things from my perspective or am I being inconsiderate?

Criticism, Insults and bashing are welcomed. Thanks

Nazgul:
She's a very selfish person. I hate girls that reason that way. How can you look at a guy who invested 1.5m on you, married you, housed you, feeds you and tell him that you won't contribute to the home?

She has clearly told you that you stand to benefit nothing from her if you go ahead with the marriage plans.

Whatever action you decide to take is up to you.

Sixfeetbelle:
She's isn't being selfish, if you understand what selfish means. She's being traditional to a modern boyfriend. Or did you not see his own parents siding with the girl? That's how traditional people view marriage.

For a very traditional man, Op's girlfriend is the kind of wife he needs. Op isn't a traditional man and that's why he's having issues with this. Some people have housewives who only help out around the house when needed. They don't have defined financial responsibilities which is what Op is pushing for here.

kepstone:
You married a woman that loves you bro...... keep her

Zzor:
Is he marrying her for gains, why have are you men becoming leeches smh

BestOsai:
She did nothing wrong.A man is the head and the woman a help mate.He was wrong in asking her what her role will be.She is supposed to help him from her heart as the need arises.Men invest tens of millions in their wives' businesses without expecting anything in return. That she has agreed to be his wife is enough reason to invest in her.It is his duty to take care of his family ,most especially his wife.If he treats her well & shows the right attitude, he wont have to tell her when she has to step in.She will do so voluntarily.

Nazgul:
She's being selfish. Let's call a spade a spade. And if you're in support of such attitude, then you're selfish as well.

You can't compare the era of our parents to now. Most of them lived in the villages where they spent little or nothing on accomodation, they had farms where they fed from, they reared goats and chickens which they sold to solve emergencies, they had petti businesses to keep body and soul together.

Today things have changed. You're living in an accommodation of over 500k with your husband, you're spending over 100k on feeding alone, you've not added the children's expenses, miscellaneous, car maintenance, health, bills...etc.

And you feel the man should shoulder them all without the woman lifting a finger. Then it means you're wicked at heart and won't blink an eyelid if your husband is dying cos your tradition demands that the man provides for the home.

Zzor:
I support her fully, it's a big turn off for a man to be asking hid wife to be such question,assist her if you can from your heart and I believe she's wise enough to know where and when to assist you as per responsibilities. I hate guys who throw such question,i have ignored a guy for this reason and till today he's still wondering what he did to me, don't give me the impression that your eyes are fixed on my money, its a big turn off

Dalil8:
You just quoted a dude with hairy balls.

Anoymus:
Thanks for your input bro. And as for the question you asked, she is trying, surprises me with gift once a while but I don't think she would be an enduring type when the chips are down. I have had instances where I spent 15k (drugs inclusive) to remove her troublesome decay tooth just 3 days after I gave her 4k to make her hair. She complained saying the 4k won't be enough for the style that she wants to make. Had to add 1500 before she happily hugged me and gave me a peck. Person wey I spend 15k to commot tooth 3 days after the hair incident. Thought she would be greatful and cut her cloth according to their cloth instead of nagging.. But according to her, she loves me very much and I do too

hottadiva:
I don't agree with her mindset especially with the investment you're making. Yes it's a man's duty to provide for the home but how he chooses to do that differs. Investing in your wife or providing the right resources/environment for her personal growth so that she can support the family is one of such.
In our society today, couples should have shared responsibilities. She can take care of something in the home no matter how little.

Have another heart to heart with her and clearly state what you expect her to handle, outlining what you would also handle. If she still disagrees, please don't invest in the business. You would only resent her later and it would be the source of future quarrels. Let her figure out how to raise her own money for herself alone.

P.S - strikes me like you both are Igbo

Anoymus:
1. I just support her the little way I can. I never paid her school fees while she was in school I just gave her pocket money not more than 10k and it happens only once every 1-2 months

2. They dread their dad so much cos he is a retired soldier, the fear also rubbed on me on the long run. he just knows me as his daughter's friend. We haven't got that opportunity to discuss intimately yet. Her mum na my padi, I speak to her freely. Unlike her dad

3. I'm not sure. I think they should be responsible for all their own finances. More reason why I'm asking questions, make I no go marry person wey go dey carry money dash their people while I expenses go dey choke me.

4. No sir, she isn't. I am also a graduate, and was fortunate to venture into a booming business after graduation in 2014. I'm also not ugly or
handicapped in anyway (I'm sorry if you are a handicap reading this, this is not to spite you in anyway) she's certainly not doing me a favour being in the relationship.

Ishilove:
So what exactly is she bringing to the table in this marriage apart from her womb and vagina?

How anyone can have this kind of mentality in this day age boggles the mind. Her kind will nag you to depression if you happen to fall on hard times.

Op, count your teeth with your tongue.

Olakunleyakub:
I don't know you in person but instinct is always telling me that you will be a loyal, responsible and blessed wife to whoever that seems it fit to settle down with you based on some of ur comments av been seeing for a while here.

No doubt, we are not compatible in terms of religion, age and some little aspect of life but the truth is that I cherish your personality and pls keep it up. The right person that will be a coolness of your eyes will locate you soon.


To the op,
Pls never settle for less or self woman whou does not have any attributes of a sense of responsibility or else it will end in premium premium tears.

Truly, it is a men duty to take care of there family without expecting anything in return but a reasonable and responsible woman should understand that we needs to Help her husband once in a while if there is a need to.

I bid you best of luck in your marital journey!

Wetlink:
Lol from the comments, I can see we have bunch of kids on the loose.

This is Africa, and if you agree that the man is the head of the family, then what exactly are you on about?
The lady in question said her mind and there's absolutely nothing wrong with her reply.
You my friend, have the responsibility to provide! That's your job.

The way you are analysing her reply here, is the same way she'll be analysing your question.
Because that question itself has a lot of interpretations.

From personal experience ehh, you see the very hardworking ladies with little or no obiakpo(strong heart), they are the ones that will quickly flash your sole responsibility on you cos they won't want you to relent and push the whole family finance burden to them.

But you see the ones that will support this your 'how much are you bringing' they will most likely do that out of desperation and na their type go show you shege when the chips are down.

You should also be worried about your own mindset entering the marriage, honestly you should.

danilmo:
oga marry and invest on her, forget financial returns but be rest assured u would save urself the headache of her always asking for Undies, clothings, hair wig, owambe , cream and all those women financial need..

My mum is a salary earner in 6digit but my dad don't really worry himself with that, he does everything for the family, even buying her a car on top.. mum only spend money on creams, toothpaste, soap, asoebi for owambe party , party cloth for her and her husband, help her relatives financially and that's all

Sixfeetbelle:
But some men can shoulder all of the responsibilities without the woman lifting a finger. Does that make them selfish?

Besides, not everyone is on the same financial strength and not everyone would support wife lifting a finger, no matter the financial expenses involved and that's a fact.

SweetCunt97:
Whatever dude. E pain am

djon78:
Marrying a woman who has not worked and knows the stress in making money can be very fatal

They have a sense of entitelment and won't appreciate what you are giving them.
The ones working or worked or struggled before to get a job are more appreciative

What some men do is they turn them to house wife fully
Let her focus on birthing children and raising them up

Maybe later you can now set up something for her. That's how some of my business men colleagues did.

One I am close to recently invested millions into his wife's business. She don born 4 Children for the guy. But she is a very good woman, supporting, appreciating her husband and respecting and submitting to Him.
Apart from that he recently also bought a brand new SUV for her


The woman was appreciative because she is good

Where op will hate himself is if the woman in question is selfish and unappreciative
It may cause big problem in the marriage

He must be sure he is marrying a good woman
If not he will just learn to be patient and tolerative
But being with a selfish partner is not a nice experience

Nazgul:
If that's your mindset then you're selfish.

Besides any man doing such would be a chronic cheat. Mark my words, what makes men responsible is the role of the woman in their lives.

I've seen men who send their wives abroad and spend their life here in Nigeria sampling various vaginas. They feel the woman has nothing to offer them aside birth their kids.

If all you do is to open your legs and pop out children, why should he be faithful to you when you're not adding value to his life?

It's common sense.

lanre9ja:
She's right, u are the man, she can only help when it necessary

Hassanmaye:
The worst thing I will never tolerate from any lady is been ingrate, I recently send a lady 20k in this corona girl was telling me is too small, I went to her house collect my money and delete her from all my phones chat.

Sixfeetbelle:
How am I selfish if my husband wants a housewife? Or I accept to be a housewife? That's who I am, a very traditional lady. That you don't agree to it doesn't make me selfish, rather it makes you a stiff, rigid person. In olden days, men had housewives without having problems in their marriage or cheating on their wives like you said, because the essence behind having that kind of marriage is for an "ego-filled" man to exercise their authority as "man of the house" and It works for them perfectly.

He will become a chronic cheat because I'm not taking up financial responsibilities in the house? Really? Wait let me ask you, Is it in modern marriages that cheats aren't possible? You're just looking to score cheap points.

OkoYM:
. I hope she will support when necessary, the wish of every responsible man is to cater for everything, but it doesn't rain everyday.

Nazgul:
Ok... sorry.

Stick to your choice as a housewife. If that's your decision, who am I to challenge it.

Liposure:
atimes two heads is better than one

earthrealm:
You surely are overthinking this.
Lemme play the devils advocate here, how would you feel if she asked you how to share the house chores?. She sweeps rooms, you sweep parlor?

An empowered wife is an asset to any man,
Saves you wahala of her asking you for toilet roll and matches money , and even her own family financial issues, she would solve it her self, and would only involve you if its major...

However some people are different and prefer being the only iroko tree in the family, that people come to for help, if that is your mindset, go ahead and dont empower your wife.

Lastly, this habit of asking opinions from family members is wrong, should ypu seek opinions, getting it from strangers who dont even know you is the best.

You are sure of balanced and unbiased advice