₦airaland Forum

canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someone else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

From observing your write up its clear that you are not really into this relationship and not ready for any responsibility.
And if you are into her as you claim then put yourself in her current position and whatever you will wish for in that state is the same measure you should handle her with.

My2cent

pozehnani:
Childish behavior. Why the fend for yourself idea when you plan to marry her?
She should dump you and never look back because your type can make marriage hellish for a woman.

This mentality of yours is so bad and it will make you lose a lot. You better drop it before aze wunyen a gba gi there.

Go.and sit down.Many Nigeria Men that took same decision regretted bringing their spouse over.Recently, A Doctor killed his wife and committed suicide cos he could no longer bear the excesses.of his Nigerian wife.
When she have her way there she will capitalize on the existing law that favours women to torment the man.
To you OP,better run for your dear life.
Women are the reason why life is not balance.

Oga if u help young ladies b4 marrying u will always regret it at some point in life. 95% out of 100 will make I cry

Keep to the path you currently toe, you are a real man. Don't take who will destroy you to the US. The hoes we have here are not loyal, don't trust any of them.

canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation right now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someone else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

Wait until you are READY for marriage then bring her to the U.S.

Until then, leave her right where she is, date around, and see if you can find someone else.

You aren't ready that's why you've come here for advice.

Never take a Nigerian woman abroad... Do that at your own peril

canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation right now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someone else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

Better respect your self and leave her in Nigeria otherwise you will surely regret it. My friend is surfering in Texas now because of a pauper he trained in School here in Nigeria and marry the girl. He took the ingrate to US and the rest is history

Never take relationship advise from women OP. They're all good at giving bullshit advise

Leave her in Nigeria, I repeat leave her in Nigeria.
By the time she join a women association called "make husband burn" by then you will know your fate.

Lovalovaphunmz:
Its nt all vagina pple dat reason like vagina pple. Ols don’t discourage him and dont be a blockage to someone’s blessings.

Do nigerian women also come back home to marry their boyfriend's of EX's?
I have never seen any such scenario all my LIFE

lefulefu come put mouth for here ooo

LordKO:
Keep quiet. Prenuptial agreement (postnuptial agreement in Canada) is called contract marriage, and not all marriage involves prenuptial agreement, even though marriage is a contract. I don't have spare time for meaningless argument, at least not with someone who obviously doesn't have a passport to start with.

The OP spoke of the United States not Canada. While I'm yet to secure my greencard I have a fair understanding of how things work there.

When divorce laws enter into the foray, prenuptial agreements can (and will) be dismissed with a single wave of the hand.

https://abcnews.go.com/Business/story?id=5333445&page=1

Yamiriflathead:
Do nigerian women also come back home to marry their boyfriend's of EX's?
I have never seen any such scenario all my LIFE

THEY FUVKING go after the White DUDES!!!

D matter b say, plenty of them no fine

humilitypays:
This is the sad truth.


A lot of Nigerian ladies are single lonely abroad, they all had boyfriends, besties and lovers back in Nigeria, but they rather die single than sponsor them to come over.


They can only sponsor a guy they know in Nigeria to join them if the guy is doing well financially back in Nigeria or if they were legally married before she migrated. If not, forget it.


Which is why Naija guys needs to wise up and give them a dose of their own medicine to test too

The other time I rejected an offer to some girls and would rather prefer a guy instead NLers came for my head but Weytin konsin me I'll still do it over n over again. cuz these girls are scum

andyanders:
Why waste her time cus I know you already got someone over there. But why not look at it from the point that it's pretty difficult for her to sponsor herself to the US 'cus of the economic situation on ground in Nigeria and the high exchange rate.

I can understand ur stand/decision not to help any lady to stand, but to me on this 'cus of how/who she is to you, YOU ARE A STINGY MAN.

The best thing dat will happen to man is to be stingy I mean very stingy to ladies, by so doing u have made ur future bright

This has got to be the best thread av kom across today

TRP LIBERATING MEN FROM THE SHACKLES OF FEMALE MANIPULATION AND HYPERGAMY

Bros, avoid bringing any woman over to the US. This is the hand of God typing. Should you disregard this, you will pay very dearly for your folly.

greggng:
I read all your policy and it doesn't work in this jet age....The question to ask is how did you become whom you are....? Are you saying u never got help from anyone , your parents and relatives inclusive ...if your answer is yes then you have the moral ground to continue with your outdated principles . But if you 've gotten help from anyone in your past or present ....then consider yourself a selfcentes human being and you 've nothing to offer humanity

Helping a lady u want to marry is bad,bcus u will live to regret it.

Chrisbella24:
I just hate people that think the way you do.

"....... I'm not sure about marriage yet......."

Yen yen yen.

Leave her na
Why una just like to dey stress unaself.

You made a decision that you would never sponsor any woman. Now, why can't you decide this?


You brought it here on Nairaland so people will give you Advice they won't even accept on a Normal day when it comes to their relationships?

You know your girlfriend well, you've been dating for 3 fvcking years
So because one woman decided to be ungrateful after she traveled abroad with her husband now means every other woman will be the same?

You all are pathetic.

all holes are the same..watch her how she turns into a beast imediately he marries her and takes her oversea..moreover what is wrong in her upgrading her self tru sch..y so much emphasis on marriage..any girl that compels a guy to marry her....run for ur life

IamRandy:
THEY FUVKING go after the White DUDES!!!

D matter b say, plenty of them no fine

Lol
Even the ones wey try like them Uriel, cuppy And go... HYPERGAMY no go let them kom back. Bunch of gold digging ingrates
Feminism gbua gi there

canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation right now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someone else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

out of 1000 Nigerian men who bring their woman to join them overseas. 999 of them are in total pain and regret right now and wished they had not made that mistake.



If you know you want to die unhappy you can bring her to the USA. I want to 100% assure you it will end in tears for you

Bola146:
Its means you don't love her Three years?!! better you let her know her fate.

There's nothing like love, just interest.
Mr. Man, don't let anyone blackmail you with love. The society you're in is one where everything is skewed to favor women, so you have to analyse the pros and cons of marrying her and taking her over there and let whatever decision you take be solely yours. So that should she turn against you tomorrow and take advantage of their skewed laws over there to hijack everything you've laboured for, you'll have only yourself to blame. Don't fall for all these if you love her talk, love na mirage.

Firefox01:
Bros, avoid bringing any woman over to the US. This is the hand of God typing. Should you disregard this, you will pay very dearly for your folly.

she will be after his property..na so them take eject my uncle commot for him house for london..na naija him dey now..meanwhile the black hole took custody of children and his house now she is married to another white victim whom happend to be a med doctor

vickydevoka:
Helping a lady u want to marry is bad,bcus u will live to regret it.

You can only regret if you are helping for the wrong reasons .

chinonyinye:
So, you have been 'dating' someone for 3 years now and you're still not sure if it will lead to marriage ehn? And you're still using 'could'. Nawaa o. Pls break up and stop wasting her time nna.

Ask yourself, if the roles were reversed, how would you feel?

She should swear with amadioha that she does not have other boyfriend's first

OP fear is if she comes to US she might turn something else like must our women do when they finally get there. Majority of them suddenly become uncontrollable and you lose her to someone else. Well not all women will do this bro. If you actually love her make that sacrifice. If it work out fine that's your luck and if other wise better days ahead. You move on!

Let me help another brother in need.
My brother made the same mistake you are about to:
The girl said she would do the GRE and missed the day of the exam, claiming some issues. It was a plan. She wanted to force him into bringing her over and paying for her tuition, claiming love.
He was dumb enough not to see it for what it was- a lazy manipulative girl just using him for her own purposes. Sooner than she arrived, she became the biggest bitch in the world. First, she wanted to live in school and not from home. Then asking him what if she has a male fellow student who is a reading partner in her room late at night, will he be asking who that is on the phone (she was talking to one of her new boyfriends and my brother wanted to know who was on the line)?
She was not just evil, she was deliberately trying to tell him she can Bleep whoever while he paid for her schooling.
You will want to strangle her but be unable to. The only thing you will be able to do will be to get rid of her and she will screw you in divorce courts.
So, long story short- by not being able to do GRE and come to grad school, she is just being a typical hypergamous Nigerian girl using you to get to some place higher and just using you. Especially if she is Igbo. Those people like money too much and can do anything to get higher. But all tribes do it , however since the Igbo are erratic and lack self-restraint mostly (see how they do politics, abusing everyone else, and a general lack of respect for what others hold sacred, as examples), she won't even allow you 1 month of peace.
She is not willing to make the sacrifices for herself for a better life, but expects you to do so for her.
Dump her.

canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation right now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someone else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation right now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someonem else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

Hey bro
M in NJ
Believe me...you don’t want that shit.

Yamiriflathead:
Lol
Even the ones wey try like them Uriel, cuppy And go... HYPERGAMY no go let them kom back. Bunch of gold digging ingrates
Feminism gbua gi there

VERY TRUE bro...

Man don see plenty things for this obodo oyibo!

Curiouscity:
I did this about 7 years ago. I live in deep regrets everyday. My marriage may likely end soonest!

I'm guessing you don't want to talk about it but I'd love to hear your story.

I'm more interested in how you arrived at these arbitrary rules of the things you'll never do for a woman.
Do tell which generosity is acceptable, and which crosses the line haha

greggng:
You can only regret if you are helping for the wrong reasons .

Its mostly like dat. It's good u price a good from de store Dan pricing it on de way coming