₦airaland Forum

Boss13:
Chief. I decided to weigh in here after reading your post and the comments from others.

First, I'm married and have been for a long time so in this regards, I'm very experienced than you. I was also in a long distance relationship with my wife, then my girlfriend. Honestly, she worked for the relationship because I had many ladies on rotation. She worked extremely hard. I read where you said you loved being the boss in your relationship.

First, you cannot be the boss. You are only the man and should dictate how the relationship goes. I also read you make 4x your lady friend. That's good. Now, being the man, you have to make her relocate to where you are. As a doctor, she can get a job in your location and since you earn good, money shouldn't be the problem. If your lady friend says no - then you have a problem on your hands.

Trust me on this, family is everything regardless of your job, career or the money you make. You don't want a woman who doesn't have time for you or the kids. That won't go well and it will result to resentment in the future. If you think your relationship is hard, wait till you get married without fixing these issues. Women love what gives them meaning and it seems your ladyfriend is in love with her job/career and that's not good for a marriage.

Control your relationship now before you create a lifetime of pains in your marriage. Forget the 8 hours of video calls - long distance relationships are not true relationships. I know this from experience. Be the man in your relationship and lead it in the direction you want. Your lady friend should be compromising to you and not the other way around. She should be doing the visiting and not you. You can foot the flight tickets but the commuting should be on her and you have to give her a deadline when she has to relocate to be with you.

I speak from extensive experience. You may choose to ignore or implement it. However, if you do nothing and end up marrying her, you won't be satisfied in your marriage. Trust me on this - marriage is very hard, very very hard.

Finally - there is nothing as a high value woman. High earning, yes. But high value woman - no. All the best.

sirjamesjnr:
Every day we video chat both in the morning before I step out for work and in the evening. During the lockdown, we spend almost 8 hours of video calls every day. We order things online for each other. We are trying our best. A lot of sacrifice and compromise from me and her. We are evolving and still growing. I was only pointing out what we put in to make the relationship work.

sirjamesjnr:
You are dragging me out but I have to come clean.
Five top Sacrifices
1: Five years of good friendship with an American lady: I have to choose between Green card( working opportunities) or my girl.
2: I have to explain every motive sometime with proofs. ( I like being the boss in my relationship)
3:I had to endure a less romantic moment: due to her job, babe is always on calls.
4: I put up a lot of patience dealing with her: Last time we met I slept in three different hotels, spend good money, endure Lagos noise for three days before she could find time to be with me.
5: Always be the one travel to come meet her: Only once my babe visits me in Abuja. I like hosting my girl but I can't for now.
These are huge compromises for me.
Top five things you would wish for her to adjust to have your relationship better
1:Absolute Trust.
2: step up romantic words and deed
3: Find time to read books with me
4: Putting me first before her family
5: Go on a vacation with me.

jonsin:
Wow, the replies here are totally eye-opening and damnn right hard core educating. Personally best advice are from

@Boss13 very insightful sir, one thing I can say in years of dating, they are all pretenders but we love them anyways, the underlining factor is, BE THE MAN. period!

@jawalis wow, thanks for your input, though you hit your point very strong and a little bit in a harsh way but you are right, a whale lot of things needs to change so n their relationship which needs to come from her. Thanks again but be a little bit gentle next time, know how annoying it is when we see a man threading this path.

@joe4christ your advice was great also, we need more strong men as husbands so our kids can grow up better. But it got to a point where you got angry lol , I’m sure you were thinking, ‘this is a lost cause’ he’ll adjust, I hope so

@humilitypays good point raised, when you are a balling guy with loads of cash, nothing is high value to you. You demand whats rightfully yours as a man from a woman, which are love, respect, time, submission (not stupidity o) ... thanks again


Other people worthy of note @profkenny @bigpicture001
By the way @CalliDora1 you are making sense this year o, keep it up

Chii59:
You're so pained... Eeyah. Tell me, did she turn you down?

jawalis:
I’ve got less energy to argue babe. Pls step aside ma’am. Good morning.

jonsin:
Wow, the replies here are totally eye-opening and damnn right hard core educating. Personally best advice are from

@Boss13 very insightful sir, one thing I can say in years of dating, they are all pretenders but we love them anyways, the underlining factor is, BE THE MAN. period!

@jawalis wow, thanks for your input, though you hit your point very strong and a little bit in a harsh way but you are right, a whale lot of things needs to change so n their relationship which needs to come from her. Thanks again but be a little bit gentle next time, know how annoying it is when we see a man threading this path.

@joe4christ your advice was great also, we need more strong men as husbands so our kids can grow up better. But it got to a point where you got angry lol , I’m sure you were thinking, ‘this is a lost cause’ he’ll adjust, I hope so

@humilitypays good point raised, when you are a balling guy with loads of cash, nothing is high value to you. You demand whats rightfully yours as a man from a woman, which are love, respect, time, submission (not stupidity o) ... thanks again


Other people worthy of note @profkenny @bigpicture001
By the way @CalliDora1 you are making sense this year o, keep it up

sirjamesjnr:
Yes, She won't have time for me. She doesn't have time for herself either . But trust me she always takes out her precious nap and food time, just to talk to me .

I visit her workplace she wouldn't have time to say hi also I have to sleep three nights in different hotels to be able to see her. I got angry one day and ask her, how will she take care of my kids when we marry.

When she is with me, I never want that moment to end. Our romantic life has had to suffer a lot of time because of duty calls. I have to get myself busier so I don't get emotional. she is honest and blunt, doesn’t beat around the bush. Sometimes I have to win her with a strong argument and points.

She is independent and can make life-death decisions, so I don’t feel bad if she doesn’t consult me and make some decisions highhandedly. I trust her, she good decision-maker the majority of times. For us, It’s accountability and responsibility that counts. I won't settle for less and she won't either. No room for excuses or self-pity.

She has to be nice to her patients and fellow male colleagues. I don’t mistake this for flirting. Her male colleagues are there with her than I am, so I am more comfortable and carefree because I trusted her. we do know our boundaries. Most of the time she will be discussing how much she misses me with them. I have the self-confidence that helps me though sometimes I get a bit jealous.

She is Superwoman without the cap all the time. So I have to decide whether to expect even more from her or be Super Man myself and share her burden a bit more.. understand her a bit more..love her a bit more.

As a doctor, she is extremely sensitive but also blunt. She knows when I need a hug and when an earful. Most of the time, she sees me as a case, desperately trying to diagnose my actions, detect my mood, I have to explain every action, etc.

She is great, very polite, courteous, intelligent, and fun and I love her effortlessly. The hard part is living with the job, the workload, the schedule, she never off duty, even when she is off duty, no time for long conversations. I already know I am committed to her and I must be committed to her job too. I need to be supportive of her, emotionally mature and have a life of my own. It has been a long ride but our relationship is thrilling. Will I choose another if given an opportunity? Only if I stop been me.

Learn from me, if you can't compromise in some area never date a high valued woman. With slay mamas wannabe, You have no issue, all you need is your time and money and you are the boss.

Chii59:
A lot of poor misogynistic souls on this platform.
The only thing painful you pathetic lots is that OP values his babe and holds her in high esteem.
Anyone with half a brain knows doctors in general are busy bees, especially the ones in government hospitals.
Go for high value women, you say no. Now slay Queen broke your heart and in your small mind, all women are the same.
Keep wailing. Dolts.

Dapcity007:
No one is misogynistic
Only if her hypergamous nature and soliphissm is kept in check can her relationship be successful

Dapcity007:
Dating a feminist and Egalitarianistic-Equalist is a big mistake

Chii59:
Take note :Solipsism
And how did you come to the conclusion that she's hypergamous and solipsistic?
By what indices did you use in measuring her attitudes to arrive at such a conclusion?

Chii59:
Your conclusion, cum mindset is one huge mistake.

Chii59:
But you had sufficient energy to call someone's babe a b***ch, to disrespect someone's babe on an issue that is none of your business.
One glance at your profile, all I saw was a bitter, lonely heart.

Dapcity007:
They way the guy is describing her
She has a very high IQ as she's a medical doctor, but does she have empathy??
Although she sacrifices her time, but who is controlling the frame of the relationship,if it's her then it's not healthy for him, ladies marry upwards hence Hypergamy, the more strong willed and independent she becomes in her career the more difficult her relationship with him because of Hypergamy

His only solution is if he a stronger and more independent man than her, but from what I read, I doubt he his

His emotions and desire not to be lonely is clouding his reasoning as we can read here


I pity him

jawalis:
Pls stay away.

Chii59:
Pity yourself.

jawalis:
All I see in picture is a man with a very low self esteem who bows at the hearing of a female doctor. Trust me, yes You have a low self esteem. I can bet you are one of the people who worship doctors, lawyers and engineers. I’ll advise you work on your self esteem, Work on it and you will realize you are been enslaved. Forget all these high value silliness. It’s just what you think in your mind. I have worked with a female doctor here in Lagos who is social too. All of these blah blah blah about sleeping in 3 different hotels before you could meet her is trash. It’s not as if she work with National hospital or is she the only doctor in the hospital where she works? I read you stated that she had colleagues. So she don’t just value you as you portrayed, you are only trying to comfort yourself by those jargons you wrote up there. Not having time for you and you moving from one place to another just to see the woman whom you claimed took you for her colleague is not an evidence of high value woman. She’ll definitely make time for you if she respects and value you like you did for her. The doctor friend I have got married in 2018. She works with 2 different hospitals and still balance up her social life. All I see in your case is a man who has a low self esteem and got flattened by a doctor. Been a doctor doesn’t make a woman high value, ok? Adesua Etomi is more career oriented and trust me, she made up her time for Banky. We all know Funke Akindele’s family. So wake up and address her or you walk away. We have lots of female doctors on Nigeria, infact; There are hundreds of them out there. There are female barristers, female accountants and engineers who earn decently. So stop the foolishness in your heart and confront her.

Dapcity007:
Get me I'm not against her independence or strong willed nature , I just hopes she loves him strongly enough to keep her Hypergamy in check

From what I read , he showing deep affection for her, hope she can do the same for him

Red7:
Educate us, this time don't write a prose. We need you to answer this kweshion one by one like you're talking to an high school student.

List top five compromises you make to make your relationship with your high flyer lady work

List top five things you would wish for her to adjust to have your relationship better


Do this by answering the questions in the best possible way and we'll have you both on CNN live with Larry King

BLoomfrancs:
OP better run for your life while you can. Female doctors are better off as single ladies. They chop gbola from their male counterparts and most time fvck their patients. Most of the acts take place during night shifts when you the husband will be at home playing the role of house wife. And she won't give a damn about you cos she has got the money. Op, I am talking to you as a friend. Run while you can!



Another thing is that any patient she saves from dying will be attached to her. And satan come punish you, she come get feelings for the guy, na everyday fvcking with the patient be that o. The song "Night Nurse" by Gregory Isaacs comes to mind. My guy you better run like the wind and never, I repeat, and never look back!

Chii59:
Taking panadol for another's headache. You're really jobless.

gforce5:
See what I am saying? Inferiority complex has messed up this poor fellow's mind. Chaps like this one are intimidated by educated female professionals and believe that they are "sluts" and "arrogant". No man who is well exposed and is comfortable would reason like this. It's the common trend for Nairaland "alpha males" and "redpillers". Any woman who is educated, exposed and is a high earner is seen as a "slag" or "not being submissive".

ValCon888:
Any relationship that is harder than further maths will drive you crazy.
Premium tears loading for OP.

Chii59:
Yawns. If you want God's blessings, be happy for those He's blessed, or else, say nothing.
That's wisdom you won't learn in school.

pokipoki:
How do you guarantee investors money? You never mentioned it? If you really want investors, the best thing to do is put out all the information out no just a phone number that is permanently switched off. Thank you