I believe you... Leave the insecure bastard

Habby222:
Advice needed pls.

I've been with this guy for close to four years now and its not really been a perfect relationship. Lots of ups and downs due to what I can term insecurity. At some point we're cool and the next minute issues arises just like every other relationship.

He's a good guy to some extent as he showers me with love ( my thoughts)and a lot of times he gives gifts not money though. I've had to give financial assistance to him alot of times, he returns some if he deemed it necessary and doesn't return if he so wishes. I've never complained about this and still always willing to help him out whenever he is in need. Pls note that we're both financially ok.

This gesture of me offering him financial help stopped when I realise he doesn't do same to me. I've had to test him on serval occasions that I needed financial help and he has never for once helped out on those request despite knowing he has. I never needed the money though, I made those request to know if I could actually fall back to him if I'm in need.

Last year October, I told him about my plans of getting a new car as I got tired of the one I was using. Pls note that I did not request him to buy for me neither did I ask for any support whatsoever. I contacted my source in the US with my budget and spec, was able to find one in a short time and I paid for it. All of this moves were known to him. By December, the car arrived and cleared accordingly with every expenses incurred payed by me. He gave some moral support though.

A week after getting the car, he called me one morning and started apologising for not supporting financially in getting the car which I told him I had no issues with that. I told him I wasn't expecting more than moral support from him since I could afford getting the car on my own. I also made him realise he doesn't owe me no apology as I wasn't t his responsibility since we weren't married and that even if we were married, ill always want to get my stuffs myself as long as I can afford it. The next I heard was him ranting on phone that he doesn't expect less from me, said I'm a proud and that he knew I wasn't going to be a good wife. He said he has always known I wasn't going to be a submissive wife and a whole lot of other derogatory words despite not having issues whatsoever prior to that time. I ended the call as I was so surprised he could say those mean words to me.

All through that day he didn't call back and I did not as well cos I was expecting him to realise I was hurt by his actions. A week pass and still no call from him so I decided to call him and he didn't pick. I'd sent a lot of of messages to him and has not replied to any. I'd gone to his house to check up on him and not met him too. Its been three weeks now and we haven't spoken and seen despite all of my effort to talk to him and or see.

Guys please I'm confused and do not know how to handle the issue. Pls advice.

Some men gets scared of women who has prove of being independent, it makes them feel less a man

If I were you, just leave that guy to find his way or rather should I say that you should find your way

Four years of relationship with no plans from him to you

Why not start planning to leave him so that you can find another person

He knows what he is doing but you are just hoping on him and he had no plans for you

Well, If you can't leave him be ready to deal with it

U have a heart of gold. ...u re a good gf...the kind of one in a million... mark my words he will definitely come around..give him time...some guys dey lucky for this life sha!..me for over two yrs now Asma,u they whine me... there is god fa

I think your guy is insecure, he is afraid of your success. He needs a woman he can control around...But you with financial stability, he thinks he won't get that .

You have tried to mend fence and he is adamant. Let him be , if he is yours, he will surely come back. Be strong dear .

From what I just read, I deduced the following, firstly as you said both of you are financially stable, secondly he doesn't assist you financially in return (though you said it was a test). I believe he loves or loved you sincerely but may be acting up based on advices from his friends. They may have told him that since you work and make your own money, which looking at it critically maybe more than his own money, you will not make a good wife and you will not be submissive. I believe what is best for you now is give it one final push (calling and texting him) and if it ends up the same way, know that he has decided to end the relationship.

shantti:


So why did u contradict your view by quoting me, doesnt it show you are idiotic

I wasnt contradicting anything, i just wana show u how foolish some people are with their comment

You're on a much higher frequency than that dude. He can't handle you. Find your mate.

Nazgul:
My dear let him be. He's very childish and insecure, guys like that will prefer to see you broke and miserable crawling to him every now and then to tell him your problem while he mocks and indirectly insult you before giving you less than half of the financial assistance you requested for, than succeed.

People like him would rather die than see you climb up the ladder of your career. They will always frown at every success you make and fight tooth and nail go pull you down, they will never ever celebrate geninuely with you on your personal achievements, cos to him you're competing and rubbing shoulders with him. His ego will always see you as a proud, disrespectful, uncultured creature, regardless of the efforts you put in to make that relationship work.

My advice? Let him go. I know it hurts considering the fact that you trusted him with your heart, but believe me, he doesn't deserve you. He'll do worse to you in future if you guys get married. You'll definitely get a more confident and mature guy who will love and value you.

I've said this thing here before. Most guys love women 'crawling' to them for financial assistance. They love the feeling they get when they give you money they know won't even be useful to you and and expect you to be beyond grateful. And the minute you don't act as expected, they see it as a sign of rebellion. Men will always say they want independent women as wives but where have they seen an independent woman that is entirely dependent on a man. Like how is that even possible?

Oluromantic:
What I see is incompatibility. I say so because what he did was wrong and your reaction also was mean. See lemme tell you one secret. When your partner does some extremely annoying things, it always wise not to obey your instinct of revenge because at long last, people won't see his wrong but blame you for your extreme reaction. That's the formula most men use to avoid physical abuse of their women.

You shouldn't have cut the call on him. And from the story, you seem to have had him in mind over his lack of support in previous times which was what pushed you to react that way, because if that wasn't the case, your conscience would strike you to call back and apologize for hanging up on him...that's the normal thing when in love.

Besides, waiting a whole week to call him back, truth be told, you seem to be emotionally stable than him and you're using it as strength against him. He seem more emotional, that's why he wanted to year you say something affectionate about taking his little offer of support for the car. If you had joked about it and gave him a tender feeling that you'll take his offer, that would have puffed up his masculinity and he'll feel honored. You need to study his psychic to know what response will soothe him.

You both need to open up to each other more. That issue of asking him for money because you have been the one supporting him was probably presented as a sudden rise of intelligence which he's not been used to from you. You shouldn't have presented it like "I can't afford it, I need your help". It would have been better if you had presented it like "I can afford it but I want ur support so I can remember you and brag of you" Not like a revenge strategy now but like I want your influence and aura in my things. That will not only make you wify but will also make him feel you believe in him. Wish I could advice you privately

Story story. Yawns

DaddyRochie1642:
Proud and non Submissive Women never ever go far in Relationship and Marriage.... I say this without Remorse

Keep quiet. Have you no shame?

thebosstrevor1:
Insecured Men can not handle independent women.

He is financially not buoyant so he already feeling threatened.

If you are planning of marrying him, dont do it, you will regret it, his insecurities will make you go mad and might end up making the marriage filled with fights.

You don't want to be with a man that will accuse you of cheating, that will monitor your movements and accuse you of everything bad all because you have more money than him.

If he doesn't pick his call, ex him, go find for your levels.

This is good advice. OP listen to this

Chii59:

Story story. Yawns

But you read through. That's good

[quote author=Habby222 post=97958122]Advice needed pls.

I've been with this guy for close to four years now and its not really been a perfect relationship. Lots of ups and downs due to what I can term insecurity. At some point we're cool and the next minute issues arises just like every other relationship.

He's a good guy to some extent as he showers me with love ( my thoughts)and a lot of times he gives gifts not money though. I've had to give financial assistance to him alot of times, he returns some if he deemed it necessary and doesn't return if he so wishes. I've never complained about this and still always willing to help him out whenever he is in need. Pls note that we're both financially ok.

This gesture of me offering him financial help stopped when I realise he doesn't do same to me. I've had to test him on serval occasions that I needed financial help and he has never for once helped out on those request despite knowing he has. I never needed the money though, I made those request to know if I could actually fall back to him if I'm in need.

Last year October, I told him about my plans of getting a new car as I got tired of the one I was using. Pls note that I did not request him to buy for me neither did I ask for any support whatsoever. I contacted my source in the US with my budget and spec, was able to find one in a short time and I paid for it. All of this moves were known to him. By December, the car arrived and cleared accordingly with every expenses incurred payed by me. He gave some moral support though.

A week after getting the car, he called me one morning and started apologising for not supporting financially in getting the car which I told him I had no issues with that. I told him I wasn't expecting more than moral support from him since I could afford getting the car on my own. I also made him realise he doesn't owe me no apology as I wasn't t his responsibility since we weren't married and that even if we were married, ill always want to get my stuffs myself as long as I can afford it. The next I heard was him ranting on phone that he doesn't expect less from me, said I'm a proud and that he knew I wasn't going to be a good wife. He said he has always known I wasn't going to be a submissive wife and a whole lot of other derogatory words despite not having issues whatsoever prior to that time. I ended the call as I was so surprised he could say those mean words to me.

All through that day he didn't call back and I did not as well cos I was expecting him to realise I was hurt by his actions. A week pass and still no call from him so I decided to call him and he didn't pick. I'd sent a lot of of messages to him and has not replied to any. I'd gone to his house to check up on him and not met him too. Its been three weeks now and we haven't spoken and seen despite all of my effort to talk to him and or see.

Guys please I'm confused and do not know how to handle the issue. Pls advice.[/quote


I need a woman... A good woman...

A typical 9ja desparate evening news paper looking for a young nigga to enslave in the name of marriage or relaSiOnSip

Though, don't have much to say, regardless of the situation just remember "LIFE GOES ON"...
if he pick fine and if he no pick fine sef.
LIFE GOES ON

Go and pick an ambitious young man in the street with a lot of charisma, and clean him up and see the kind of help you can render to him to rise up, he Will be forever loyal to you

That is my Carly piece of advice


Then Thanks me later

Something worthy of note make sure you don't act as if you are rich when doing that, just act like an average lad

Chii59:

Keep quiet. Have you no shame?

Madam I want it to pepper you very well

God when
When will I start meeting ladies that can take care of themselves
I rather remain single than going into relationship that only offer sex which with 5k I can do hook up on tinder

Aunty talk true and tell us what really happened because no sane man will just go off on you because you bought a car with his knowledge. You people come online to paint the other person bad in order to reduce the guilt of fücking up.

When you give us the true picture of what happened then I will know what to tell you.

D guy has insecurity problem... He has moved on ,so u should do same.He thinks that u wont be submissive as an independent lady.That alone is a slap on his ego.Some men are so confused

Habby222:
Advice needed pls.

I've been with this guy for close to four years now and its not really been a perfect relationship. Lots of ups and downs due to what I can term insecurity. At some point we're cool and the next minute issues arises just like every other relationship.

He's a good guy to some extent as he showers me with love ( my thoughts)and a lot of times he gives gifts not money though. I've had to give financial assistance to him alot of times, he returns some if he deemed it necessary and doesn't return if he so wishes. I've never complained about this and still always willing to help him out whenever he is in need. Pls note that we're both financially ok.

This gesture of me offering him financial help stopped when I realise he doesn't do same to me. I've had to test him on serval occasions that I needed financial help and he has never for once helped out on those request despite knowing he has. I never needed the money though, I made those request to know if I could actually fall back to him if I'm in need.

Last year October, I told him about my plans of getting a new car as I got tired of the one I was using. Pls note that I did not request him to buy for me neither did I ask for any support whatsoever. I contacted my source in the US with my budget and spec, was able to find one in a short time and I paid for it. All of this moves were known to him. By December, the car arrived and cleared accordingly with every expenses incurred payed by me. He gave some moral support though.

A week after getting the car, he called me one morning and started apologising for not supporting financially in getting the car which I told him I had no issues with that. I told him I wasn't expecting more than moral support from him since I could afford getting the car on my own. I also made him realise he doesn't owe me no apology as I wasn't t his responsibility since we weren't married and that even if we were married, ill always want to get my stuffs myself as long as I can afford it. The next I heard was him ranting on phone that he doesn't expect less from me, said I'm a proud and that he knew I wasn't going to be a good wife. He said he has always known I wasn't going to be a submissive wife and a whole lot of other derogatory words despite not having issues whatsoever prior to that time. I ended the call as I was so surprised he could say those mean words to me.

All through that day he didn't call back and I did not as well cos I was expecting him to realise I was hurt by his actions. A week pass and still no call from him so I decided to call him and he didn't pick. I'd sent a lot of of messages to him and has not replied to any. I'd gone to his house to check up on him and not met him too. Its been three weeks now and we haven't spoken and seen despite all of my effort to talk to him and or see.

Guys please I'm confused and do not know how to handle the issue. Pls advice.

Let me profile your guy.

He's egoistic
He wants your total submission including your money

Be careful with this type of guy, he lacks financial security.

He can tell you to stop working when you guys eventually married just to reduce your level of financial independence and improve his ego

This story is not even from Nairaland. I'm not wasting my strength.

shantti:
If you love someone, go after him, if he doesnt love you back haunt him down and kill him

You say what?

If youre strong enough to move on pls do. if you arent strong enough to move, then wait till he comes and them accept him, hoping he would have learnt.
Too much of redpill and stingy men association has made this one loose a good girl

Ishilove:
Aunty talk true and tell us what really happened because no sane man will just go off on you because you bought a car with his knowledge. You people come online to paint the other person bad in order to reduce the guilt of fücking up.

When you give us the true picture of what happened then I will know what to tell you.

you are the only one seeing it from this angle.the story did not add up at all.maybe she makes the guy felt lesser and irrelevant in her talks to the guy on phone.forget about "I don't need his financial support to buy the car".there's more to it.

2special:
see them bad lawyers judging one-sided story

I dey teh you.

Oluromantic:
What I see is incompatibility. I say so because what he did was wrong and your reaction also was mean. See lemme tell you one secret. When your partner does some extremely annoying things, it always wise not to obey your instinct of revenge because at long last, people won't see his wrong but blame you for your extreme reaction. That's the formula most men use to avoid physical abuse of their women.

You shouldn't have cut the call on him. And from the story, you seem to have had him in mind over his lack of support in previous times which was what pushed you to react that way, because if that wasn't the case, your conscience would strike you to call back and apologize for hanging up on him...that's the normal thing when in love.

Besides, waiting a whole week to call him back, truth be told, you seem to be emotionally stable than him and you're using it as strength against him. He seem more emotional, that's why he wanted to year you say something affectionate about taking his little offer of support for the car. If you had joked about it and gave him a tender feeling that you'll take his offer, that would have puffed up his masculinity and he'll feel honored. You need to study his psychic to know what response will soothe him.

You both need to open up to each other more. That issue of asking him for money because you have been the one supporting him was probably presented as a sudden rise of intelligence which he's not been used to from you. You shouldn't have presented it like "I can't afford it, I need your help". It would have been better if you had presented it like "I can afford it but I want ur support so I can remember you and brag of you" Not like a revenge strategy now but like I want your influence and aura in my things. That will not only make you wify but will also make him feel you believe in him. Wish I could advice you privately

Take this advice.

I hardly comment on topics like this but when I do , I make it short and sharp for the wise only

Hey gurl stop trying to lights up wet woods
From ur write up the guy in question is just stuck in the middle of nowhere
He has no single love for you , yes I said so
You love him way more than he loves u
He wants a bitchhh who will give him problems and a bitchhh who can fight him back and put words back into his mouth
You're the cool type but get triggered up when you're fed up

My dear cry now and be happy later , he doesn't deserve u , and when he comes back don't dare accept else be ready for premium tears

Go and share biscuits to children around u and celebrate the good thing God has done for you

Lights up my kpoli in peace

My sister life no easy to survive no be crime, ur guy don pile all this taytay and sure him don get another lussy some where else already so him just use the little fight tek Japa move in please

Your story is so close to my story at a point I was like finally I know ur (my ex ) nairaland handle

The truth is that you are not saying the whole truth because I strongly believe it was not that singular act that let him just ghost you .

You said you put him to test about needing money but I can bet you the guy is smart enough to know you are not sincere reason why he's not just responding,(I might be wrong though)

Most women can't handle financial prowess

When a man has money he thinks he needs a woman or even more but when a woman has money she thinks she doesn't need a man anymore

But to be fair, your man may really be insecured or you are over exercising your independence

TBH I give it to you still trying to reach out to him even after three weeks you av a soft spot, you can involve his close friend

Most importantly choosing a partner is beyond logic, always involve God . Shalom !!!

Habby222:
Advice needed pls.

I've been with this guy for close to four years now and its not really been a perfect relationship. Lots of ups and downs due to what I can term insecurity. At some point we're cool and the next minute issues arises just like every other relationship.

He's a good guy to some extent as he showers me with love ( my thoughts)and a lot of times he gives gifts not money though. I've had to give financial assistance to him alot of times, he returns some if he deemed it necessary and doesn't return if he so wishes. I've never complained about this and still always willing to help him out whenever he is in need. Pls note that we're both financially ok.

This gesture of me offering him financial help stopped when I realise he doesn't do same to me. I've had to test him on serval occasions that I needed financial help and he has never for once helped out on those request despite knowing he has. I never needed the money though, I made those request to know if I could actually fall back to him if I'm in need.

Last year October, I told him about my plans of getting a new car as I got tired of the one I was using. Pls note that I did not request him to buy for me neither did I ask for any support whatsoever. I contacted my source in the US with my budget and spec, was able to find one in a short time and I paid for it. All of this moves were known to him. By December, the car arrived and cleared accordingly with every expenses incurred payed by me. He gave some moral support though.

A week after getting the car, he called me one morning and started apologising for not supporting financially in getting the car which I told him I had no issues with that. I told him I wasn't expecting more than moral support from him since I could afford getting the car on my own. I also made him realise he doesn't owe me no apology as I wasn't t his responsibility since we weren't married and that even if we were married, ill always want to get my stuffs myself as long as I can afford it. The next I heard was him ranting on phone that he doesn't expect less from me, said I'm a proud and that he knew I wasn't going to be a good wife. He said he has always known I wasn't going to be a submissive wife and a whole lot of other derogatory words despite not having issues whatsoever prior to that time. I ended the call as I was so surprised he could say those mean words to me.

All through that day he didn't call back and I did not as well cos I was expecting him to realise I was hurt by his actions. A week pass and still no call from him so I decided to call him and he didn't pick. I'd sent a lot of of messages to him and has not replied to any. I'd gone to his house to check up on him and not met him too. Its been three weeks now and we haven't spoken and seen despite all of my effort to talk to him and or see.

Guys please I'm confused and do not know how to handle the issue. Pls advice.

He is not comfortable with your attitude. You sounded a little bit bossy and it's a big turn off on us.

Collegelove:
He is not comfortable with your attitude. You sounded a little bit bossy and it's a big turn off on us.

Case closed.