₦airaland Forum

Don't call her. Go n meet her. Certain things can't be discussed on phone.

omojesu202:
thanks for your input.
you're not far from the truth.
I told my brother to ask her what his offence was but he said he won't.
I'll have to call her.

Enugupikin:
For any single bad thing about marriage they're tens of thousands of good ones. Bad things are just louder

You are wrong.

For every good thing about marriage, there are tens of thousands of bad ones.

The problem is that in Africa, divorce is not regarded as a good decision, that is why divorce rate is low in Africa.

Otherwise, many marriages would have ended in divorce, like they happen in Europe.

omojesu202:
It is no news that most marriages are collapsing.
Mine is just two years but I also see signs of collapse.

What's happening in my brothers marriage is painful to me because I know the financial investment and sacrifices he puts into it. I don't know what he did to his wife but she has turned his children against him.

Imagine that you cannot tell your 20 years old first son to wash your car like 7am, the mother will tell you that you should allow him to enjoy his sleep. Not once, not twice and not thrice.
This is the children you'll go hungry and borrow money to pay high school fees to make sure they go to good schools.

It is painful to me because I knew when he was paying 200k per term each on three kids while his basic was just 300k.

Now the firstborn and secondborn will disobey him on ordinary washing of car just because he can no longer meet up.

Please how would you handle such issues?
You might just hear that a man killed his wife and three children in the news. That would not be our portion.

From outside, she has been a good woman but she didn't blend the children to their father. The nature of his job takes him on transfer always and not stationed with his family but regular monthly visit is always there.

tell your brother to gather up their school fees receipts, call them to sit and sum up the amount, then ask them to pay him back so he'll use it to pay an outsider to wash his car for him....

omojesu202:
I didn't carry marriage matter on my head like gala. if it works good, if it doesn't work let everyone one go in peace.

With this your statement baba, I see u living longer than your enemies and friends
Marriage is not and will never be what one has to be carrying up and down, we HV a lot to enjoy in life than marriage

letskeeptalking:
Is it a woman's job to connect the children to their father? Are they not his children? Why did he not ensure he creates that bond between him and them.

When men will abandon children for their mothers, and be forming big man. . in taking care of your own children. This is the consequences.

You don't know the bond that develops over little things like helping them with bathing them, feeding them, helping them with their assignments, taking them to school e.t.c You think the children know/care who pays their school fees? It's the person who was there for them emotionally that they will love and appreciate.

Nigerians men continue forming big men, but don't cry foul when your own children turn on you!!!

what u type up there is big time thrash, irrespective of weather a man baby sits or not it doesn't stop the children from connecting with him,the op is just being economical with the truth or doesn't even know what is going on in d family.

The father might b doing shits to their mother n what they are doing to him is a reflection of how he treats their mother.many African father's don't understand that children will treat u the way u treat their mother.

op made mention of the man being transferred to places due to work,u really don't know what this does or do while away which affects d children,do u care to know maybe at a time their mom always cry to bed because of bad decisions made by their father while away or as a result of being financially buoyant.

forget the idea of baby sitting,treat your wife right n let your children know u value their mom n see as things work like magic.

BluntTheApostle:
You are wrong.

For every good thing about marriage, there are tens of thousands of bad ones.

The problem is that in Africa, divorce is not regarded as a good decision, that is why divorce rate is low in Africa.

Otherwise, many marriages would have ended in divorce, like they happen in Europe.

You're not married, so you have zero experience and no point arguing with u over something you have no practical experience about

speechless

luminouz:
I don't get what you want us to do bayi?

Your marriage is collapsing...your brother's is crumbling...his kids(20 and 18 yrs) don't obey him bla bla bla'....na today all these things come start? No na. He allowed it to fester and this is the result.


My advice: Divorce your wife,let your brother divorce his wife and disown his sons.

You sha wicked.

omojesu202:
It is no news that most marriages are collapsing.
Mine is just two years but I also see signs of collapse.

What's happening in my brothers marriage is painful to me because I know the financial investment and sacrifices he puts into it. I don't know what he did to his wife but she has turned his children against him.

Imagine that you cannot tell your 20 years old first son to wash your car like 7am, the mother will tell you that you should allow him to enjoy his sleep. Not once, not twice and not thrice.
This is the children you'll go hungry and borrow money to pay high school fees to make sure they go to good schools.

It is painful to me because I knew when he was paying 200k per term each on three kids while his basic was just 300k.

Now the firstborn and secondborn will disobey him on ordinary washing of car just because he can no longer meet up.

Please how would you handle such issues?
You might just hear that a man killed his wife and three children in the news. That would not be our portion.

From outside, she has been a good woman but she didn't blend the children to their father. The nature of his job takes him on transfer always and not stationed with his family but regular monthly visit is always there.

So because of 300k he has no relationship with his children... He chose his job over his family, and now his kids see mummy as the best in the world (sweet mother) and daddy as just another human

omojesu202:
don't worry about me.
One of the main reason why I even marry is because I want to have a child that would be there for me at old age. That is why my brother's case makes me sad. I just need opinions on that, not that if it collapse it would be end of the world.

your brother failed to make the kids his friend,the moment your brother work away from his family was the beginning of his problem,as a man don't create distance from your family,be the one paying there school fees,take them to school once in a while,assist them in doing there home work,play with them, take them to sport avenue once in a while and spend time with them this will create friendly environment also take them out with your car with this you will not be the one reminding them of washing it also don't spend all your life savings on them creat for your old age

Brooke60:
Yours is two years and about to collapse, you no face that oo. You are facing the one with a son of 20 year old. Guy!!!

He is busy minding another person's business!

Your brother failed to be friends with his kids and created too much distance among the family that is the result

Romanoff:
I am telling you. If he put the energy he's using to carry his brother's problem into his marriage, he and his wife will be able to weather the storm approaching their marriage.

People no even wan put in work for their marriage the same way they don't want to put in work in a relationship.

As long as infidelity is not the cause of marital challenges, it can be worked on if the two parties are willing.

I've seen a marriage even scale through after infidelity.

Divorce is just the easiest and laziest way out for most.

Too much sense dey worry you bros.

See the amebo he came here do.

Painted his brother like one Saint and the wife like one devil, when we know in reality quarrels are both sided

omojesu202:
don't worry about me.
One of the main reason why I even marry is because I want to have a child that would be there for me at old age. That is why my brother's case makes me sad. I just need opinions on that, not that if it collapse it would be end of the world.

That's the mindset that destroys marriages: "I just want children".

It's possible your brother also have same mindset... people fail to understand that marriage is primarily about the couple, Children is an addition...but sadly, they treat each other like shit while desperately trying to become the favorite to their children.
The reason God gave man woman was for companion, especially as the days become cold with age.

Brooke60:
Yours is two years and about to collapse, you no face that oo. You are facing the one with a son of 20 year old. Guy!!!

Lol
U are funny bro!

His children are his responsibility, so why shouldn't he have paid their school fees? Na NL for pay am?
Who's fault is it that he didn't blend with his children? Or that he was transferred a lot?
Let the marriage crash, if he can't lay on the bed he has made. Nothing new about that.

omojesu202:
don't worry about me.
One of the main reason why I even marry is because I want to have a child that would be there for me at old age. That is why my brother's case makes me sad. I just need opinions on that, not that if it collapse it would be end of the world.

it is selfish to have a child just because you need a nanny at old age,you should have them because you will love and adore them.you can make good investment choices while still young to fall back on at old age.

omo olayo le.

cutiedave:
FTC...after 8 years on nairaland....

A word to someone out there...your time to shine is coming...

Just continue believing in JESUS

Amen

Brooke60:
Yours is two years and about to collapse, you no face that oo. You are facing the one with a son of 20 year old. Guy!!!

mogbe o .Oro re o.

omojesu202:
It is no news that most marriages are collapsing.
Mine is just two years but I also see signs of collapse.

What's happening in my brothers marriage is painful to me because I know the financial investment and sacrifices he puts into it. I don't know what he did to his wife but she has turned his children against him.

Imagine that you cannot tell your 20 years old first son to wash your car like 7am, the mother will tell you that you should allow him to enjoy his sleep. Not once, not twice and not thrice.
This is the children you'll go hungry and borrow money to pay high school fees to make sure they go to good schools.

It is painful to me because I knew when he was paying 200k per term each on three kids while his basic was just 300k.

Now the firstborn and secondborn will disobey him on ordinary washing of car just because he can no longer meet up.

Please how would you handle such issues?
You might just hear that a man killed his wife and three children in the news. That would not be our portion.

From outside, she has been a good woman but she didn't blend the children to their father. The nature of his job takes him on transfer always and not stationed with his family but regular monthly visit is always there.

you should take your nephews out and talk to them one on one and make them see things differently.

TrueChristians:
There is foundational problem in that marriage .. The man made choice of the flesh when marrying his wife is never too late to save the family

This is mostly the mistakes we men make. She is curvy....She has M.Sc and sweet.

Hmmm.....not knowing time changes everything.

The day I realised this was the day, I went into a fasting for God to reveal my soulmate to me, and he did. Things were so good for me then.

But today all I can say is thank you Lord....she stood like rock behind me, and even led me deeper into Christ when things is so bad.

It wasn't love at first sight, but God inspired love.

God can never misled if we are ready to follow.

Zane2point4:
So kids you pay such amount of money wont Wash ordinary car for u??
So what will they do for you?

If you see no wrong in this then theres a problem.
I wash my fathers car for almost upto late twenties. Even extended to my elder brothers own.
Just say that family is dysfunctional and there's no hierachy atall,no respect.

Nobody begged you to have children, and because you paid their school fees (which is your responsibility btw) doesn't mean they are indebted to you.
The mindset of having children to be used for labour has to stop
Your children will help you because they love you, and want to. You can't force that.
Respect can't be beaten into children of these days. You have to earn it

Romanoff:
I am telling you. If he put the energy he's using to carry his brother's problem into his marriage, he and his wife will be able to weather the storm approaching their marriage.

People no even wan put in work for their marriage the same way they don't want to put in work in a relationship.

As long as infidelity is not the cause of marital challenges, it can be worked on if the two parties are willing.

I've seen a marriage even scale through after infidelity.

Divorce is just the easiest and laziest way out for most.

The way some of you confuse emotional junks for maturity n intelligence is something else.
How do you know the circumstances around his/her own marriage to know his/her own is considered workable?
If you guys have nothing intelligent to say just keep shut at times and read to learn.

You people really see things in an absurd manner.

He elected to get married. He chose to have children. His children do not owe him for raising them, it was his choice to have them. However much he spent, that was his duty as a parent.

If you don't want to raise children; if you don't want to spend money on school fees; if you don't wish to go without meals to feed children that you apparently cannot afford to raise, then do not have them.

Brooke60:
Yours is two years and about to collapse, you no face that oo. You are facing the one with a son of 20 year old. Guy!!!

Yes Y'all bitches won't drop solutions but divert the topic all in a bid to support your own


I have no pity for men who bring up their family ish on NL

omojesu202:
It is no news that most marriages are collapsing.
Mine is just two years but I also see signs of collapse.

What's happening in my brothers marriage is painful to me because I know the financial investment and sacrifices he puts into it. I don't know what he did to his wife but she has turned his children against him.

Imagine that you cannot tell your 20 years old first son to wash your car like 7am, the mother will tell you that you should allow him to enjoy his sleep. Not once, not twice and not thrice.
This is the children you'll go hungry and borrow money to pay high school fees to make sure they go to good schools.

It is painful to me because I knew when he was paying 200k per term each on three kids while his basic was just 300k.

Now the firstborn and secondborn will disobey him on ordinary washing of car just because he can no longer meet up.

Please how would you handle such issues?
You might just hear that a man killed his wife and three children in the news. That would not be our portion.

From outside, she has been a good woman but she didn't blend the children to their father. The nature of his job takes him on transfer always and not stationed with his family but regular monthly visit is always there.

Mind your business. Where has your brother been all the life of his children. Nobody can have say over my children because I have my relationship with each one that is nothing to do with any third party. Does he have an outside family? Concubine problems will scatter any family life.

Fatherhood is not about school fees you must read your children and give them emotional support nobody can take their emotions away if you do that.

omojesu202:
It is no news that most marriages are collapsing.
Mine is just two years but I also see signs of collapse.

What's happening in my brothers marriage is painful to me because I know the financial investment and sacrifices he puts into it. I don't know what he did to his wife but she has turned his children against him.

Imagine that you cannot tell your 20 years old first son to wash your car like 7am, the mother will tell you that you should allow him to enjoy his sleep. Not once, not twice and not thrice.
This is the children you'll go hungry and borrow money to pay high school fees to make sure they go to good schools.

It is painful to me because I knew when he was paying 200k per term each on three kids while his basic was just 300k.

Now the firstborn and secondborn will disobey him on ordinary washing of car just because he can no longer meet up.

Please how would you handle such issues?
You might just hear that a man killed his wife and three children in the news. That would not be our portion.

From outside, she has been a good woman but she didn't blend the children to their father. The nature of his job takes him on transfer always and not stationed with his family but regular monthly visit is always there.

Any small thing you people will be talking about collapsing marriage as if marriage is one useless thing that can be discarded at will.

When there is issue in marriages especially the type that does not threaten life it can always be resolved.

Tiwa savage and her husband are back together after all the drama and public ridicule...

Sometimes we just have to learn how to tackle matters in our marriages cos no marriage is made in heaven.

colestephan86:
Really sorry for your bro,
But one of the problems I have noticed is that men spend all their lives working and spending on the family and in some cases they carry all the responsibilities and in the end they most time die before their wives.
I am of the opinion that men should be responsible for their families and make sure they take active role in caring for their children by this the kids will know that their dad was very active . And also men should take care of themselves cos they are more likely to die first.

Men are usually older than their wives, so many would die before the wives anyway.
Men in Nigeria engage in more health harming behaviours than their wives eg smoking (which explicitly states on the packs that smokers are liable to die young), excessive alcohol intake, womanizing (STIs including HIV will only cut your life shorter too).
Oestrogen in women does act as protection for certain heart/cardiovascular diseases, while testosterone has been linked with these diseases.
I agree with you that to live longer as a man, you need to eat healthy, exercise regularly, lose weight, avoid smoking, drink responsibly, and do regular health checks (the health seeking behaviour of many men is appalling)

omojesu202:
It is no news that most marriages are collapsing.
Mine is just two years but I also see signs of collapse.

What's happening in my brothers marriage is painful to me because I know the financial investment and sacrifices he puts into it. I don't know what he did to his wife but she has turned his children against him.

Imagine that you cannot tell your 20 years old first son to wash your car like 7am, the mother will tell you that you should allow him to enjoy his sleep. Not once, not twice and not thrice.
This is the children you'll go hungry and borrow money to pay high school fees to make sure they go to good schools.

It is painful to me because I knew when he was paying 200k per term each on three kids while his basic was just 300k.

Now the firstborn and secondborn will disobey him on ordinary washing of car just because he can no longer meet up.

Please how would you handle such issues?
You might just hear that a man killed his wife and three children in the news. That would not be our portion.

From outside, she has been a good woman but she didn't blend the children to their father. The nature of his job takes him on transfer always and not stationed with his family but regular monthly visit is always there.

Are you seeking advice on behalf of your brother or what? Your brother is the only one who can fight this battle so stop wasting your time

Tap0lane:
This one na the most foolish comment I read on NL in a long while. Sir, you are a very foolish soul.

May God hold this against you on the day of judgement in Jesus name.

omojesu202:
It is no news that most marriages are collapsing.
Mine is just two years but I also see signs of collapse.

What's happening in my brothers marriage is painful to me because I know the financial investment and sacrifices he puts into it. I don't know what he did to his wife but she has turned his children against him.

Imagine that you cannot tell your 20 years old first son to wash your car like 7am, the mother will tell you that you should allow him to enjoy his sleep. Not once, not twice and not thrice.
This is the children you'll go hungry and borrow money to pay high school fees to make sure they go to good schools.

It is painful to me because I knew when he was paying 200k per term each on three kids while his basic was just 300k.

Now the firstborn and secondborn will disobey him on ordinary washing of car just because he can no longer meet up.

Please how would you handle such issues?
You might just hear that a man killed his wife and three children in the news. That would not be our portion.

From outside, she has been a good woman but she didn't blend the children to their father. The nature of his job takes him on transfer always and not stationed with his family but regular monthly visit is always there.

Once a man claims his children have been turned against him by his wife, you know he is lying and fishing for sentiment. This is the biggest lie men tell to kill the reputation of a woman. This lie is as common as the cheating and money card. Watch out for men who make this allegation against their wife.

What did your brother do to his wife and children in reality? Let him confess.

It did not begin with her turning the children against him.

You think because you've mentioned the school fees that it makes him innocent?


It is his job to make a relationship with his own children, NOT hers.

Stop looking for how to blame women for every relationship issue.

omojesu202:
It is no news that most marriages are collapsing.
Mine is just two years but I also see signs of collapse.

What's happening in my brothers marriage is painful to me because I know the financial investment and sacrifices he puts into it. I don't know what he did to his wife but she has turned his children against him.

Imagine that you cannot tell your 20 years old first son to wash your car like 7am, the mother will tell you that you should allow him to enjoy his sleep. Not once, not twice and not thrice.
This is the children you'll go hungry and borrow money to pay high school fees to make sure they go to good schools.

It is painful to me because I knew when he was paying 200k per term each on three kids while his basic was just 300k.

Now the firstborn and secondborn will disobey him on ordinary washing of car just because he can no longer meet up.

Please how would you handle such issues?
You might just hear that a man killed his wife and three children in the news. That would not be our portion.

From outside, she has been a good woman but she didn't blend the children to their father. The nature of his job takes him on transfer always and not stationed with his family but regular monthly visit is always there.

DNA test needed