Am a father, if my teenage sons refused to wash my car then they should be ready to leave my house and fent for themselves. Nonsense

omojesu202:
It is no news that most marriages are collapsing.
Mine is just two years but I also see signs of collapse.

What's happening in my brothers marriage is painful to me because I know the financial investment and sacrifices he puts into it. I don't know what he did to his wife but she has turned his children against him.

Imagine that you cannot tell your 20 years old first son to wash your car like 7am, the mother will tell you that you should allow him to enjoy his sleep. Not once, not twice and not thrice.
This is the children you'll go hungry and borrow money to pay high school fees to make sure they go to good schools.

It is painful to me because I knew when he was paying 200k per term each on three kids while his basic was just 300k.

Now the firstborn and secondborn will disobey him on ordinary washing of car just because he can no longer meet up.

Please how would you handle such issues?
You might just hear that a man killed his wife and three children in the news. That would not be our portion.

From outside, she has been a good woman but she didn't blend the children to their father. The nature of his job takes him on transfer always and not stationed with his family but regular monthly visit is always there.

Na Who Marry Who?

omojesu202:


he's someone that wants his car washed daily. Will you have two grown up boys of 20 and 18 at home and still be washing your car yourself?? if he sent for his boys to do that the wife will block it. giving him sleep and rest as reason

Seems your brother didn't bond with his children as they were growing up. Every parent has that obligation and responsibility to build relationships with their kids. It goes beyond paying school fees and bills. Once that bond is there, no one can just turn them against him.

Let your brother discuss with his wife how he feels about it. If he can't handle the situation, there's not much you can do. You have your own wife and family to mind.

cutiedave:
FTC...after 8 years on nairaland....
A word to someone out there...your time to shine is coming...
Just continue believing in JESUS

AMEN

u need 2 pray abt it,meet a marriage counsellor show her dat u need and luv her nd d children,u call ur boys talk 2 dem lik man3 to man,remember prayer is d key

CodeTemplar:
The way some of you confuse emotional junks for maturity n intelligence is something else.
How do you know the circumstances around his/her own marriage to know his/her own is considered workable?
If you guys have nothing intelligent to say just keep shut at times and read to learn.

As long as you don't pay for anyone's data and you're not mentioned or insulted, kindly offer your own opinion and look away.

Mr. Intelligent.

omojesu202:


don't worry about me.
One of the main reason why I even marry is because I want to have a child that would be there for me at old age. That is why my brother's case makes me sad. I just need opinions on that, not that if it collapse it would be end of the world.

I pity for your wife

please most problem in home today are caused by unforgiveness from both parties when you do your findings very you see that your brother might have offended his wife when he has cash and she found out and now is pay back time

omojesu202:


thanks for your input.
you're not far from the truth.
I told my brother to ask her what his offence was but he said he won't.
I'll have to call her.

Of course he won't. He knows exactly what he did to begin it. He's leading you on.

If you think you can step into 20 years of their business, with what he told you, only his side of their story, then you have a lot to learn about longer marriages.

It's obvious you want him to divorce her. Or kill her, like you postulated in your first post. But neither will happen. Because the lies that men tell about women turning their children against them is the oldest lie in the book.

Romanoff:


As long as you don't pay for anyone's data and you're not mentioned or insulted, kindly offer your own opinion and look away.

Mr. Intelligent.

I hope you are paying for OP's data then. If not you are just foóling no one else.

omojesu202:
It is no news that most marriages are collapsing.
Mine is just two years but I also see signs of collapse.

What's happening in my brothers marriage is painful to me because I know the financial investment and sacrifices he puts into it. I don't know what he did to his wife but she has turned his children against him.

Imagine that you cannot tell your 20 years old first son to wash your car like 7am, the mother will tell you that you should allow him to enjoy his sleep. Not once, not twice and not thrice.
This is the children you'll go hungry and borrow money to pay high school fees to make sure they go to good schools.

It is painful to me because I knew when he was paying 200k per term each on three kids while his basic was just 300k.

Now the firstborn and secondborn will disobey him on ordinary washing of car just because he can no longer meet up.

Please how would you handle such issues?
You might just hear that a man killed his wife and three children in the news. That would not be our portion.

From outside, she has been a good woman but she didn't blend the children to their father. The nature of his job takes him on transfer always and not stationed with his family but regular monthly visit is always there.

Some women are fair-whether.
They obey when things are rosey but change if things turn bad.
The issue of whether the children are his or not may not be the problem.
Your brother needs to take it easy with her and take time to pray and work on how he will get back on his feet again.
He should ignore her and her taunting and focus on his life and destiny now.
Leave the wife and the children otherwise they will frustrate him to death and continue without him.
Time and tide waits for no one.
Good time awaits him.
All the best

CodeTemplar:
I hope you are paying for OP's data then. If not you are just foóling no one else.

I have said my bit.

He should focus on fixing his own marriage.

And please, don't mention me again. It's okay to not agree with what I said but just don't mention me cause I stand by all I said.

Enugupikin:

You're not married, so you have zero experience and no point arguing with u over something you have no practical experience about

Even if you are married, you have zero experience with regards to many other marriages.

That is why we have the results of researches to give us an approximation of marriage experiences.

Romanoff:


I have said my bit.

He should focus on fixing his own marriage.

And please, don't mention me again. It's okay to not agree with what I said but just don't mention me cause I stand by all I said.

I shouldn't mention you because you pay for my data or I don't pay for yours. Instead of contributing intelligently towards what the OP was after you took it upon yourself to set his priority for him then started talking about your new found priority for him. Emotional issues isn't for everyone to come put mouth o.

BluntTheApostle:


Even if you are married, you have zero experience with regards to many other marriages.

That is why we have the results of researches to give us an approximation of marriage experiences.

Atleast you will have to start with your own experience if married than taking about something you absolutely know nothing about

Enugupikin:

Atleast you will have to start with your own experience if married than taking about something you absolutely know nothing about

How can you say I know absolutely nothing about marriage?

As a theologian, I have certificates in marriage counseling.

I don't need to be married to know.

Are Reverend fathers married? And yet they have a license to give marriage counseling.

cocolacec:


it is selfish to have a child just because you need a nanny at old age,you should have them because you will love and adore them.you can make good investment choices while still young to fall back on at old age.

omo olayo le.

Exactly.
The irony is that this child will cling to his mom even tighter and will be closer to her in old age. The best way to win the favour of your children is to love their mother.

Brooke60:
Yours is two years and about to collapse, you no face that oo. You are facing the one with a son of 20 year old. Guy!!!

1. He's scared.
2. He's afraid his wife will do same, which is why he is more concerned about his brother's own. Humans are naturally afraid, and since it's his elder brother, that is the position he's seeing himself in 20 years' time.

BluntTheApostle:


How can you say I know absolutely nothing about marriage?

As a theologian, I have certificates in marriage counseling.

I don't need to be married to know.

Are Reverend fathers married? And yet they have a license to give marriage counseling.

@ emboldened, that generated a heated debate in the Catholic Church of which I'm a member and it was concluded the rev frs don't give counselling and talks of what they know nothing about or have practical experience about. So the marriage people organise and talk at the seminars. Paper work is different from practice, reason most university graduates know nothing on practice other than what's in book, so it makes no difference

Thanks for keeping the discussions civil

njele:
Am a father, if my teenage sons refused to wash my car then they should be ready to leave my house and fent for themselves. Nonsense

Thank you. A man should know how to discipline his children.

femifemi1:


This is mostly the mistakes we men make. She is curvy....She has M.Sc and sweet.

Hmmm.....not knowing time changes everything.

The day I realised this was the day, I went into a fasting for God to reveal my soulmate to me, and he did. Things were so good for me then.

But today all I can say is thank you Lord....she stood like rock behind me, and even led me deeper into Christ when things is so bad.

It wasn't love at first sight, but God inspired love.

God can never misled if we are ready to follow.

thank God for your life

omojesu202:


I even prefer my marriage to collapse than my brother's own. His problem is my problem. I know how to handle mine, contribute to where I request your contribution or stfu

LMAO. See reply abeg

Sixfeetbelle:


Lax in parenting usually comes up when one parent isn't there as much as he should. Op said his brother wasn't always there physically so I sense a lax. That aside, even when he was there, we can't be sure he was physically and mentally present. Children always pick up on those things and use it to undermine your authority.

Ermmmm....you are not sounding convincing Mai dear.

My dad ain't always around. My mom sure has been. But she never rebuked him in front of us. NEVER. So he saw him as the sword of Justice for every wrongdoing we committed that she reported to him. Even when he won't even beat us but chastise us,we still feared him

cutiedave:
FTC...after 8 years on nairaland....

A word to someone out there...your time to shine is coming...

Just continue believing in JESUS

Because you are FTC??

NextD18:
Your brother should be more concerned if those children are his biological children, because whenever a wife start turning kids against their father, there are high chances and possibilities of paternity fraud.

Nigerian women didn't rank world number 2 in paternity fraud for no reason.

He should secretly opt for a DNA test first.

A very bitter paternity case I once handled for a male client started exactly this way. After 27 years of marriage,madam turned the 3 kids against oga. Guess what? It turned out 2 out of the 3 kids were not ogas and madam bolted away.

megareal:

You sha wicked.

You love me like that jare

omojesu202:
It is no news that most marriages are collapsing.
Mine is just two years but I also see signs of collapse.

What's happening in my brothers marriage is painful to me because I know the financial investment and sacrifices he puts into it. I don't know what he did to his wife but she has turned his children against him.

Imagine that you cannot tell your 20 years old first son to wash your car like 7am, the mother will tell you that you should allow him to enjoy his sleep. Not once, not twice and not thrice.
This is the children you'll go hungry and borrow money to pay high school fees to make sure they go to good schools.

It is painful to me because I knew when he was paying 200k per term each on three kids while his basic was just 300k.

Now the firstborn and secondborn will disobey him on ordinary washing of car just because he can no longer meet up.

Please how would you handle such issues?
You might just hear that a man killed his wife and three children in the news. That would not be our portion.

From outside, she has been a good woman but she didn't blend the children to their father. The nature of his job takes him on transfer always and not stationed with his family but regular monthly visit is always there.

I think your brother needs to exercise tough love. I don’t see how children living under my roof & depending on me fully will disobey me. In this life, no relationship can thrive without reciprocity. If someone is always taking and adding nothing, the other party will soon get exhausted. With that said, he needs to come out of his shell & be a man. Seems like he lets the wife have her way. He should just stop giving money in that house & meeting their demands. As a matter of fact, he should let the children know that since they are old enough not to listen to him, they are also old enough not to need his support. He should even disappear on them for a while & cut Communication. How can someone be disrespectful to you & expect kindness in return? If he lets the those children run the house now, he’ll never talk in that house again.

Romanoff:


I am telling you. If he put the energy he's using to carry his brother's problem into his marriage, he and his wife will be able to weather the storm approaching their marriage.

People no even wan put in work for their marriage the same way they don't want to put in work in a relationship.

As long as infidelity is not the cause of marital challenges, it can be worked on if the two parties are willing.

I've seen a marriage even scale through after infidelity.

Divorce is just the easiest and laziest way out for most.

You've seen a marriage scale through after Infidelity...yen yen yen..See as e dey sweet you for mouth..

Sixfeetbelle:


After the DNA test, he should come back and retrace his steps so he can find out where he lost his way as a father. Most of you think being a father is about providing money, forgetting that the act of raising children isn't child's play. Why won't your kids disregard you if they believe you aren't worth anything to them?

my friend shut up and read the thread again and stop ranting carelessly with your empty skull

omojesu202:
It is no news that most marriages are collapsing.
Mine is just two years but I also see signs of collapse.

What's happening in my brothers marriage is painful to me because I know the financial investment and sacrifices he puts into it. I don't know what he did to his wife but she has turned his children against him.

Imagine that you cannot tell your 20 years old first son to wash your car like 7am, the mother will tell you that you should allow him to enjoy his sleep. Not once, not twice and not thrice.
This is the children you'll go hungry and borrow money to pay high school fees to make sure they go to good schools.

It is painful to me because I knew when he was paying 200k per term each on three kids while his basic was just 300k.

Now the firstborn and secondborn will disobey him on ordinary washing of car just because he can no longer meet up.

Please how would you handle such issues?
You might just hear that a man killed his wife and three children in the news. That would not be our portion.

From outside, she has been a good woman but she didn't blend the children to their father. The nature of his job takes him on transfer always and not stationed with his family but regular monthly visit is always there.

the problem with us africans is that what we call respect is actaully commands and fear

Most parents inflict fear as way of displine and that fear is taken as respect

and through tradition and culture fathers dont bond much with their kids, because of fear of the father and the father playing the traditional role of being tough and serious about everything in life, therefore kids stay away from playing around with the father hence the bonding child to son is lost someone

@ 20 the son can wash the car either way, being asked or by showing his father some maturity by washing without being asked, but i think 7am its a bit too much, @20 both son and father should be starting to treat each other as man showing respect to each other than the father, always treating the son as a boy. Yes he is the father paying the fee etc but walking someone to wash the car at 7am its bit too far. You would feel that you are being treated as a worker.

The mom is not helping either as couple dont send conflicting messages, it shows that you are not working as unity and kids pick that up and in this case @ 20 he is not a kid but a man and for sure he will use it to his advantage. And he has because he listen more to mum than daddy and the daddy now thinks that the woman is poisoning the children again him. The father should take his son for drive or whatever and have a man to man talk for them to understand each other.

As parents we fail to realise that if you fail to (train) raise your child in basic home and social skills etc you are actually putting a bad foundation for your child's marriage, as those lacking skills will contribute to the fights in your child's marriage

IgboWarlord:


You've seen a marriage scale through after Infidelity...yen yen yen..See as e dey sweet you for mouth..

Na truth I tell you so. A lot of women have stayed in marriages with unfaithful husbands. I've seen marriages where even after their fidelity of the wife, the narrative still went on.

Why I wan lie

FirstCounsel:


A very bitter paternity case I once handled for a male client started exactly this way. After 27 years of marriage,madam turned the 3 kids against oga. Guess what? It turned out 2 out of the 3 kids were not ogas and madam bolted away.

What DAFUQ!!!!