₦airaland Forum

AdolfHitlerxXx:
A man really needs to be strong and firm to keep a relationship or marriage.

Yoruba have a saying " You don't use the whip for correction as a toy for a child"

Don't ever make threats you can't back up. The moment your bluff is called, you lose your importance and relevance.

Most women and even men are like sharks. They smell weakness from a mile away and mercilessly exploit it.

OP, you're a very weak guy.

@AdolfHitler E be like say U sabi me lol 🤣😂. How am I WEAK based on the post I made? If I am weak, I would have danced to their music by allowing them indirectly control my home for me. If I am weak, there won't be issues arising coz I will accept all their shenanigans. Why not tell me how I am weak and what I should have done differently.

Rokiat:
Clearly your wife is emotionally immature and runs to her family for every little thing. Seems like her mother raised her this way to depend on her, one of the many traits of narcissistic mothers. I can clearly spot a lot of issues in this your marriage and if care is not taken you are headed for trouble because lack of communication between you and your wife is glaring as well. Why haven’t you call your wife since she left to find out whats going on? Is this battle of the egos or is it that you actually did something wrong to your wife but left that out of your write out?

The lack of boundaries with her family is shocking to say the least. No matter what their daughter told them, they shouldn’t have allow her stay without her husband approval for this long a married woman for that matter.


Also seems to me like you have a grudge against her family just from the way you wrote. A mature husband would call and ask his in laws why his wife is still over there.

My man you have a lot of issues to work on, if you still treasure your marriage I suggest you put your ego aside and work on your communication with your wife. She also needs to grow up she clearly don’t know how marriage works or what marriage is all about, she’s has a lot of unlearning and work to do. She probably don’t know any better, if this is how how parents are behaving just imagine how she was raised by these folks clearly she doesn’t even know if she’s doing anything wrong her parents are her enablers and she’s immature. She needs serious help.


If you and your wife can work together, then the in laws issues will be easy to handle. What you encourage is what will continue they are just doing this because your wife has encouraged them.


Lastly you have to do better as a son in law. Don’t be so proud and arrogant with your in laws, try to bring your shoulder down a bit. Call them once a while, visit them once a while, check on them maintain a healthy relationship with your in laws, no one is asking you to kiss their asses but be a kind person and Learn to be respectful especially to your mother and father in laws. I have seen a lot of husbands be jerks to their in laws and expecting to have a happy home with their wife impossible!!!!

You can be respectful and loving to them and still set boundaries with them.

Thanks 🙏

Wodu89:
Parents are evil. Parents are beasts. Parents are that. You've carefully schemed naive people like yourself that you're entirely innocent. Tell us your part that contributed to the problem first. Hypocrite

Listen, I am a realist and I will always speak the truth whether it favours me or not. I am not claiming to be a saint. Yes, I have my own personal issues of hitting the nail on the head without mincing words whenever I am angry but I am never a violent person and have never been involved in domestic violence.

yrhuhfy113:
Oga, YOU ARE NOT WRONG... you are actually on your right....

BUT pls be humble enough to meet the parents to find out what is really going on, it may something you're not even aware of.

Dialogue before you jump to conclusion sir.

pls try to be patient....

Yea I wish to dialogue with them but these people have seriously hurt my feeling by making conclusive and baseless statement based on what their daughter told them without asking my own side. You will only understand me when you directly deal with an extremely biased person or people.

My wife left our home for the past 1 week to her parents house. She told me she just wanna pay them a visit unknown that she has another plan. I called to ask why she is taking long than expected in her parents but she didn't give a valid reason for staying. What is surprising to me is that her parents who gave her out during marriage condole her persistent staying with them for over one week. This is the 3rd time such is happening and her parents sees nothing wrong with their married daughter spending close to 2 weeks with them without finding out what is wrong from me. My wife's parents BIASED attitude is one of the major reason why I stopped talking to them because they have this habit of believing and accepting everything their daughter says without asking my own side of the issue. Interestingly, My wife is fighting me that I am not close to her parents! Abeg, how on earth will a person be close to parents who are notorious for taking SIDE and always supporting their daughter at any given occasion?. In summary, I told my wife today to come home to pack her stuff back to her parents house since she has been staying with them for close to 2 weeks without given any valid reason. In her response, she said she will will be home next week to pack her luggages and I told her never to come back if she attempts to move her stuff to her parents house. Plz note that our marriage is less than 2 years and we have a SON together. Abeg, ya all should let me know if I have done wrong ignoring her EXTREMELY BIASED PARENTS by not calling them and also telling my wife to come pack her stuff back to her parents house since she left me at home to reside with them?
PS: We had no quarrel before she left the house. She took her drama to the next level LESS THAN A MONTH THAT SHE GOT A JOB.

PlsBanMe:
Realistt

Listen up and hear me:
1. Tell your wife that her parents are bad people who don't want her to stay in her husband house.
2. Tell your wife that she has to either choose you or her terrible parent.
3. If she refuse and choose her parent, do not at all raise your voice. Raise your actions by doing the following:
I. Ban her parents from your house and stop picking their calls.
II. STOP giving your wife money and stop demanding for intercourse.
III. You will need to start eating.
IV. Completely ignore your wife. If she ask you for money, tell her to ask her family.
4. Your wife may actually change for the better or pack and go back to her parents.
5. If she go back, don't ever call her or send her any messages. Completely ignore her. If she refuse to come back for ten days, send her a message asking her to come and pack her load from your house since she has decided to divorce and go back home.

PS: You need to be tough at the beginning of your marriage so your wife understands your YES is YES and NO is NO.

Don't let your parents sweet talk you to soft pedal while you deal with your wife. It is your life.

I assure you that if you do these above, your wife may either come back and go for good, either which is a good thing.

You have only one life. Live it not to please anyone but to get happiness. Don't ever allow some useless in laws to dictate your home or happiness. Tell them to their face if it comes to it that it is always the husband mum in most homes who disturb the wife and not the parents of the wife disturbing the happiness of the husband.

Tell them too that some men when they marry some women get gifts like cars and houses from the parents of their wives and not disturbance for finances like they are doing to you.

I wish you happiness.

Thank you so much for this timely advice. God bless you 🙏

samuelson06:
You have to also look inward to see if you are not contributing to the problem with your inlaw in any way. I'm saying this because you sound rude and insensitive.

If you and your wife are really in love and committed to the relationship, I don't quite see the issues here that you guys shouldn't be able to solve.

Sadly, my so called wife is taking side with her family members.

I need mature advice of ways to seriously discipline and deal with a disrespectful wife without laying a finger on her with the sole aim of putting an end or drastically reducing her incessant provocative behaviour and continuous disrespectful attitude. All she does is apologize afterwards but will repeat same attitude after some weeks or months.

PS: I take absolute responsibility of the financial needs and otherwise at home. I really don't know why she keeps disrespecting me at the slightest thing.

Chepy:
Na her nature. Just get used to it and learn to laugh. Mine is same.
P.S giving her space will destroy your relationship. Trust me. You either get used to it or decide you don’t want it. Mine is better now, at least for the past 1 month

Bro you are toooooo weak. You are even weaker than a dead battery. I really pity simp like you. You have no self respect at all!

Stargurl20:
First, I'm not crazy. Second, I'm a human, and I have urges as well, however, the rate at which men carry sex for head is beyond comprehension that they can even do anything. Like anything for it. Ahan!

After reading your comment, I can tell you for a fact that you're SERIOUSLY IGNORANT. Nothing more to say.

pansophist:
Your problem is foundational in nature, these are something you should have observed before getting married, not after. Why did you go marry from such a home? Didn't you date her? as in, not online dating o, but dating her to know more than what she wants you to know about her. Many times, people are the architect of their own problems.

Besides, for her to have the guts to tell her family everything about your home only goes to show the kind of man that you are. I know one thing for sure, and it is that no one will treat you in a way that you won't accept. The fact you come online to complain only goes to show that you have lost control of your home and seem helpless. There are men that won't experience this because their wife knows the kind of man they married.

So you either suck it up /endure strategy (the same way an AIDS patient who got it from an ashawo will do), or you just end everything, easier if there are no kids involved. Next time, look well, lots of idiots are adults, I mean, idiots grow old too. If you want to go the route of sucking it up, then go bumper to bumper, so if she denies you sex, boycott the honeypot permanently, stop eating her food, and see her as an inconvenient roommate. But again, your home will become a warzone, but that's the price you pay for not curing things at their infant stage.

She isn't downloading everything going on in my home to her parents in my presense. My instinct simply alerted me to investigate what my wife has been saying to her siblings and her mum whenever I am not around. That was what led me to checking her phone only to see the revelation of what has been said. As I am talking to you now, I have left the house for 3 weeks and I have instructed her to pack her stuff and go back to her parents house since they are the one controlling her. She's been sending apology messages while her mum has been calling for several days but I've refused to pick her mum's call. Everyone is telling me to go back home since she's been apologizing. I am still thinking of what to tell her whenever I go back home coz this issue must NEVER repeat itself again.

PlsBanMe:
Realistt

Listen up and hear me:
1. Tell your wife that her parents are bad people who don't want her to stay in her husband house.
2. Tell your wife that she has to either choose you or her terrible parent.
3. If she refuse and choose her parent, do not at all raise your voice. Raise your actions by doing the following:
I. Ban her parents from your house and stop picking their calls.
II. STOP giving your wife money and stop demanding for intercourse.
III. You will need to start eating.
IV. Completely ignore your wife. If she ask you for money, tell her to ask her family.
4. Your wife may actually change for the better or pack and go back to her parents.
5. If she go back, don't ever call her or send her any messages. Completely ignore her. If she refuse to come back for ten days, send her a message asking her to come and pack her load from your house since she has decided to divorce and go back home.

PS: You need to be tough at the beginning of your marriage so your wife understands your YES is YES and NO is NO.

Don't let your parents sweet talk you to soft pedal while you deal with your wife. It is your life.

I assure you that if you do these above, your wife may either come back and go for good, either which is a good thing.

You have only one life. Live it not to please anyone but to get happiness. Don't ever allow some useless in laws to dictate your home or happiness. Tell them to their face if it comes to it that it is always the husband mum in most homes who disturb the wife and not the parents of the wife disturbing the happiness of the husband.

Tell them too that some men when they marry some women get gifts like cars and houses from the parents of their wives and not disturbance for finances like they are doing to you.

I wish you happiness.

Thanks for this wonderful advise.

worriedhubby:
Be 'grateful' that you discovered this early in the marriage. This is exactly what I am passing through. Unfortunately for me, I discovered it after 10 years and 2 children.
You marriage is as good as gone. Just plan your exit strategy. The scenario you described doesn't end well.

Thank you so much for this timely advice. To be honest, my wife seriously apologized after everything that happened. I have forgiven her but I do not have anything whatsoever to do again with her parents. Should I still consider divorcing her after her sincere apology?

You have to also look inward to see if you are not contributing to the problem with your inlaw in any way. I'm saying this because you sound rude and insensitive.

If you and your wife are really in love and committed to the relationship, I don't quite see the issues here that you guys shouldn't be able to solve.[/quote]I am not rude in any way. I am just been FACTUAL. I have tried to have discussion with my wife but she feels incomplete without discussing her marriage issues with her family.

I've been married for almost 2 years but I haven't really enjoyed my marriage due to excessive in-law interference in our marriage from my wife siblings and her parents. I blamed my wife for what is happening coz she's fond of telling them everything that is going on in our home. One day, I confronted my wife and she said if she doesn't discuss her marriage ups & down with her siblings and parents, who else will she discuss with? Instead of her parents to stay neutral or try to settle our differences as new couples, they rather believe everything she said which gives my wife effrontery to go against me. On the other hand, my own family are after our well being, they always stay neutral on any issue that concern us. My wife parents are terribly bad people due to their negative influence on my wife which is negatively impacting our marriage. Her parents constantly put her under pressure by comparing our marriage to others and by asking her how regular I credit her account even though they are poor. I recently saw a whatsapp chat on my wife's phone where her mother told her to keep denying me sex if I do not meet up with all her financial needs. My wife is jobless for now and all the financial burden lies on my shoulder yet, my wife's mother and father keeps doing everything to cause disunity in our marriage. I already know her parents do not like me and I also DO NOT WANT OR LIKE THEM either coz they have caused MORE DAMAGE THAN REPAIR IN OUR MARRIAGE. Since I noticed that her parents are INGRATE and only care about the MONEY they can get from me, I stopped calling them and stopped sending money to them except if I pay them a rare visit. Dear nairalanders, am I right to completely ignore my wife's parents and siblings like they do not exist and request for a temporal separation from my wife coz I am getting tired already? Plz advice on what to do on this matter.

I've been married for almost 2 years but I haven't really enjoyed my marriage due to excessive in-law interference in our marriage from my wife siblings and her parents. I blamed my wife for what is happening coz she's fond of telling them everything that is going on in our home. On day, I confronted my wife and she said if she doesn't discuss her marriage ups & down with her siblings and parents, who else will she discuss with? Instead of her parents to stay neutral or ask me what happened, they rather believe everything she said and thus teaching my wife to go against me. On the other hand, my own family are after our well being, they always stay neutral on any issue that concern my wife and I. Sadly, my wife parents are terribly bad people due to their negative influence on my wife which is negatively impacting our marriage. My wife parents constantly put her under pressure by comparing our marriage to others and by asking her how regular I credit her account even though they are poor. I recently saw a whatsapp chat on my wife's phone where her mother told her to keep denying me sex if I do not meet up with all her financial needs. My wife is jobless for now and all the financial burden lies on my shoulder yet, my wife's mother and father keeps doing everything to cause disunity in our marriage. I already know her parents do not like me and I also DO NOT WANT OR LIKE THEM either coz they have caused MORE DAMAGE THAN REPAIR IN OUR MARRIAGE. Since I noticed that her parents are INGRATE and only care about the MONEY they can get from me, I stopped calling them and stopped sending money to them except if I pay them a rare visit. Dear nairalanders, am I right to completely ignore my wife's parents and siblings like they do not exist and request for a separation from my wife for at least 2 months? Plz advice on what to do on this matter.