₦airaland Forum

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Infatuation and Lust!

Orikinla:
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khattab02:
Woow! Jazakallahu khairan brother! This is indeed enlightening!!!

Wa Iyaka.

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There is a right way and a wrong way to get to know someone for marriage. The wrong way is to get caught up in the excitement and nuance of a budding relationship and in the process completely forget to ask the critical questions that help determine compatibility. One of the biggest mistakes that many young Muslims make is rushing into marriage without properly and thoroughly getting to know someone.

A common myth is that the duration of a courtship is an accurate enough measure of how compatible two people are. The logic follows that the longer you speak with someone, the better you will know them. The problem with that premise is that no consideration is given to how that time is spent.

Increasingly, young Muslim couples are engaging in “halal dating,” which is basically socializing with each other in the company of friends and/or family. This includes going out to dinner, watching a movie, playing some sport or other leisure activity, etc. Depending on the family or culture, conversations are either minimal & chaperoned or worse, unrestricted and unsupervised. When you consider these limitations it makes one wonder when exactly, if ever at all, would the critical conversations take place? Unfortunately, for many, the answer is never and they live to suffer the consequences. If you or someone you know is in the “getting to know someone” phase, the following guide offers advice on exactly what to look for and avoid:

1) Do Not Marry Potential:

Often times men consider marrying a woman hoping she never changes while a woman considers marrying a man she hopes she can change. This is the wrong approach on both accounts. Don’t assume that you can change a person after you’re married to them or that they will reach their potential. There is no guarantee, after all, that those changes will be for the better. In fact, it’s often for the worse. If you can’t accept someone or imagine living with them as they are then don’t marry them. These differences can include a number of things such as ideological or practical differences in religion, habits, hygiene, communication skills, etc.

2) Choose Character over Chemistry:

While chemistry and attraction are no doubt important, character precedes them both. A famous quote follows, “Chemistry ignites the fire, but character keeps it burning.” The idea of falling “in love” should never be the sole reason for marrying someone; it is very easy to confuse infatuation and lust for love. The most important character traits to look for include humility, kindness, responsibility, & happiness. Here’s a breakdown of each trait:

– Humility:
The humble person never makes demands of people but rather always does right by them. They put their values and principles above convenience and comfort. They are slow to anger, are modest, and avoid materialism.

– Kindness:
The kind person is the quintessential giver. They seek to please and minimize the pain of others. To know if a person is a giver, observe how they treat their family, siblings, and parents. Do they have gratitude towards their parents for all that they’ve done for them? If not, then know that they will never appreciate what you do for them. How do they treat people they don’t have to be kind towards (i.e. waiters, sales associates, employees, etc)? How do they spend their money? How do they deal with anger; their own anger and their reaction to someone else’s anger?

– Responsibility:
A responsible person has stability in their finances, relationships, job, and character. You can you rely on this person and trust what they say.

-. Happiness:
A happy person is content with their portion in life. They feel good about themselves and good about their life. They focus on what they have rather than on what they don’t have. They very rarely complain.

3) Do Not Neglect The Emotional Needs of Your Partner:

Both men and women have emotional needs and in order for a partnership to be successful those needs must be mutually met. The fundamental emotional need of a woman is to be loved. The fundamental emotional need of a man is to be respected and appreciated.

To make a woman feel loved give her the three AAAs: Attention, Affection, & Appreciation. To make a man feel loved give him the three RRRs: Respect, Reassurance, & Relief. It is the obligation of each partner to make sure the other is happy and this extends to intimacy as well. As long as each partner is fulfilled by the emotional needs of the other, the intimate relationship will thrive. When a man takes seriously the emotional needs of his wife she will feel more encouraged to fulfill his sexual desires. Likewise, when a woman takes seriously the emotional needs of her husband he will feel more encouraged to give her the affection, love and appreciation she wants from him. Working together in this way encourages both giving and receiving.

4) Avoid Opposing Life Plans:

In marriage you can either grow together or grow apart. Sharing a common purpose in life will increase the chance that you will grow together.

You must know what the person is into. In other words, what are they ultimately passionate about? Then ask yourself, “Do I respect this passion?” “Do I respect what they are into?”
The more specifically you define yourself, i.e., your values, your beliefs, your lifestyle, the better chance you have of finding your life partner, your soul mate, the one you are most compatible with.
Remember, before you decide who to take along on a trip, you should first figure out your destination.

5) Avoid Pre-Marital Sexual/Physical Activity:

Recognize that there is incredible wisdom in why Allah has ordered us to refrain from intimacy before marriage; they are to prevent great harms as well as to keep sacred what is the most blessed part of a relationship between a man and a woman.

Aside from the obvious spiritual consequences, when a relationship gets physical before its time, important issues like character, life philosophy, and compatibility go to the wayside. Consequently, everything is romanticized and it becomes difficult to even remember the important issues let alone talk about them. Intellectual commitment must be established before emotional or sexual commitment.

6) Avoid Lack of Emotional Connection:

There are a number of questions that you must answer YES to:

1, Do I respect and admire this person?
2. What specifically do I respect and admire about this person?
3. Do I trust this person?
4. Can I rely on them? Do I trust their judgment? Do I trust their word? Can I believe what they say?
5. Do I feel Safe? Do I feel emotionally safe with this person? Can I be vulnerable? Can I be myself? Can I be open? Can I express myself?
6. Do I feel calm and at peace with this person?

If the answer is “I don’t know, I’m not sure, etc.” keep evaluating until you know for sure and truly understand how you feel. If you don’t feel safe now, you won’t feel safe when you are married. If you don’t trust now, this won’t change when you are married!

7) Pay Attention to Your Own Emotional Anxiety:

Choosing someone you don’t feel safe with emotionally is not a good recipe for a long-lasting and loving marriage. Feeling emotionally safe is the foundation of a strong and healthy marriage. When you don’t feel safe, you can’t express your feelings and opinions. Learn how to identify whether you are in an abusive relationship. If you feel you always have to monitor what you say, if you are with someone and you feel you can’t really express yourself and are always walking on eggshells, then it’s very likely you are in an abusive relationship. Look for the following things:

– Controlling behavior:
This includes controlling the way you act, the way you think, the way you dress, the way you wear your hair/hijab and the way you spend your time. Know the difference between suggestions and demands. Demands are an expression of control and if the demands are implied, than you must do it or there will be consequences. All of these are clear indications of abusive personalities.

– Anger issues:
This is someone who raises their voice on a regular basis, who is angry, gets angry at you, uses anger against you, uses put downs, and curses at you, etc. You don’t have to put up with this type of treatment. Many people who tolerate this behavior usually come from abusive backgrounds. If this is the case with you or someone you know, get help right away. Deal with those issues before getting married or before even thinking about getting married.

8.) Beware of Lack of Openness In Your Partner:

Many couples make the mistake of not putting everything on the table for discussion from the onset. Ask yourself, “What do I need to know to be absolutely certain I want to marry this person?” “What bothers me about this person or the relationship?” It’s very important to identify what’s bothering you, things that concern you, and things you are afraid to bring up for discussion. Then you must have an honest discussion about them.

This is a great way to test the strength of your relationship. Bringing up issues when there’s conflict is a great opportunity to really evaluate how well you communicate, negotiate, and work together as a team. When people get into power struggles and blame each other, it’s an indication they don’t work well as a team. Also important is being vulnerable around each other. Ask deep questions of each other and see how your partner responds. How do they handle it? Are they defensive? Do they attack? Do they withdraw? Do they get annoyed? Do they blame you? Do they ignore it? Do they hide or rationalize it? Don’t just listen to what they say but watch for how they say it!

9) Beware of Avoiding Personal Responsibility:

It’s very important to remember no one else is responsible for your happiness. Many people make the mistake of thinking someone else will fulfill them and make their life better and that’s their reason for getting married. People fail to realize that if they are unhappy as a single person, they will continue to be miserable when they are married.

If you are currently not happy with yourself, don’t like yourself, don’t like the direction your life is going now, it’s important to take responsibility for that now and work on improving those areas of your life before considering marriage. Don’t bring these issues into your marriage and hope your partner will fix them.

10) Watch Out For Lack of Emotional Health and Availability In Your Potential Partner:

Many people choose partners that are not emotionally healthy or available. One huge problem is when a partner is unable to balance the emotional ties to family members, the marriage ends up having 3 (or more) people in it rather than two. An example of this would be if a man is overly dependent on his mother and brings that relationship into the marriage; this is no doubt a recipe for disaster.

Source: http://www.muslimnote.com/note/ten-ways-to-avoid-marrying-the-wrong-person/

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Islam and Christianity on Jesus: The 1400 Years History that We Shared and Ignored
Today we increasingly read that Christianity and Islam ‘share’ Jesus – that he belongs to both religions. More than ever before, the notion of the ‘Abrahamic civilization’ where once people spoke of ‘Judeo-Christian civilization’ includes Islam too. The Qur’an refers to Prophet Abraham as a monotheist [see Ale ‘Imran (3), Verse 67]. According to the Qur’an, [Al-An’am (6), Verses 85-87] the other prophets sent to mankind, in addition to Prophet Ibrahim (Abraham) include (but are not limited to): Ishaq (Isaac), Ya’qub (Jacob), Nuh (Noah), Dawud (David), Sulaiman (Solomon), Ayyub (Job), Yusuf (Joseph), Musa (Moses), Harun (Aaron), Zakariyya (Zachariah), Ilyas, Isma’il (Ishmael), Al-Yash’a (Elisha), Yunus (Jonah), Lut (Lot), and ‘Isa (Jesus) – God’s blessings be upon all of them.

The notion of one God, sharing prominent prophets, and the belief in the afterlife are common between Islam, Judaism, and Christianity. The similarities between Islamic and Christian thinking about Jesus are equally important: both accept the virgin birth and among the numerous miracles attributed to Jesus in the Glorious Qur’an are the revival of the dead and the creation of a bird from clay.

There are two main sources in Islam for knowing Jesus. The Qur’an gives us a history of his life, while the hadith (the traditions of the Prophet Muhammad (blessings of Allah be upon him and his family) and his Divinely appointed successors) collections establish his revered place in the Muslim understanding. As with previous prophets, Jesus’s revelation verified previous prophets’ revelations [see Ale ‘Imran (3), Verses 49 and 84; Al-Ma’idah (5), Verse 46; As-Saff (61), Verse 6]. Furthermore, Prophet Muhammad (blessings of Allah be upon him and his family) also verified the previous revelations, including the revelation to Jesus (see An-Nisa’ (4), Verse 47), such that Muslims also believe in the revelation which Jesus received (Al-Baqarah (2), Verse 136).

Given the commonality of the scriptures and the fact that Muslims and Christians have shared history of some 1,400 years, having lived side by side, one would have thought that they might know each other better. Unfortunately much of that 1,400-year history has been marked by mutual hostility. Whilst there have been periods of mutual respect and peace, the Muslim-Christian relationship has gone through major phases of conflict (the Crusades, colonization and the decline of Muslim civilization). The current phase that began with the tragedy of 9/11, has been a period of searching for real understanding, however, it has been marked by ignorance and stereotyping.

The way forward between the faiths is to begin the process of understanding each other. At this critical point in history where information technology has shrunk the boundaries of the global village even further, creating friendships and beginning the process of the rediscovery of the meaning of one’s faith through dialogue is more important then ever.

One must, however, make the distinction that inter-religious dialogues are not like other dialogues. For example, negotiations between nations, bargaining between labor and management, or any attempt to find middle ground between disputing parties are common forms of dialogue which involve compromise. Compromise often makes a society run better. Labor and management have to compromise or factories don’t operate. However, when people of faith have dialogue, they are not attempting any compromise.

The primary objective of inter-religious dialogue is not to build one faith for the whole planet, but to share and learn from one another. Inter-religious dialogue can be a process of spiritual growth that can have a transforming effect on those engaged in it, especially when such exchanges are done in the spirit of seeking clarity with humility, kindness, patience, generosity, and trust with a genuine desire to grow in our understanding of the greatness, abundance and mercy of God.

Dr. David Thomas of Selly Oak Colleges, Birmingham, UK who often speaks of the past relations as being “…something of a nightmare, which encumbers Christians and Muslims today with a heavy baggage of memories of war, oppression and conquests” advocates that we go beyond “… the baggage to try to see each other as the other is.” He goes even further and states, “…we try to take off our shoes and walk on the holy ground of the other faith … in order to come back to our own faith as bigger … more enriched people ready for the encounter to which God calls us.”

In the glorious Qur’an, Jesus is described thus: “O Mary! Verily Allah gives you the glad tidings of a Word from Him; his name is the Messiah, Jesus son of Mary, prominent in this world and in the Hereafter of those near [to God].” (Suratul Ale ‘Imran (3), Verse 44) It is in this light that we present this selection of narrations of Prophet Jesus.

We hope that this publication which offers some reflections on the ‘Muslim Jesus’ will further enhance understanding between the two great faiths and their inter-religious dialogue. With the portrait of Jesus presented in the Islamic sources, we demonstrate the reverence Muslims have for Jesus and hope that it will inspire better relations between Muslims and Christians.

Do you wish to know more about what Islam says about Jesus?
Read: http://www.muslimnote.com/note/jesus-on-ethics-advice-from-the-word-of-god-as-recorded-in-islam/

kb77:
Am in to gambling but from now on I will stop dix bad behaviour of mine which is gambling I pray to ALLAH to continue to lead me with is blessing ameen thanks my muslim brothers and sister you guys are talking to me directly I appreciate ur advice at last I put an end to gambling Jazakalau khaira

Allahu Akbar. May Almighty Allah make it easy for you.

Nice right up @Akham. Hope many upcoming bloggers will learn from it, especially the lengthy content aspect.

What is the wisdom behind the Islamic prohibition on gambling?

Gambling is fast becoming a norm in the society nowadays, from Street gambling to online football and other sport gambling.

Seen Muslims gamble is so frustrating, especially when they refuse to understand the Islamic stands on gambling. This made me to post this here and share so more people will know why Islam forbids gambling.

Praise be to Allaah.

Gambling is haraam because Allaah has forbidden it, and He rules as He wills. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“O you who believe! Intoxicants (all kinds of alcoholic drinks), gambling, al-Ansaab [sacrifices for idols, etc.] and al-Azlaam [arrows for seeking luck or decision] are an abomination of Shaytaan’s handiwork. So avoid (strictly all) that (abomination) in order that you may be successful.

Shaytaan wants only to excite enmity and hatred between you with intoxicants (alcoholic drink) and gambling, and hinder you from the remembrance of Allaah and from al-salaat (the prayer). So, will you not then abstain?”[al-Maa’idah 5:90-91]

With regard to the wisdom behind this prohibition, any wise person will see that there are many reasons for it, including the following:

Gambling makes a person rely on accidents, luck and wishful thinking for his earnings, instead of hard work, the sweat of his brow and paying respect to the ways prescribed by Allaah.

Gambling destroys families and causes the loss of wealth through haraam means. It makes rich families poor and humiliates proud souls.

Gambling results in enmity and hatred among the players, because they are consuming one another’s wealth unlawfully and getting wealth unlawfully.

Gambling turns people away from the remembrance of Allaah and from prayer, and pushes the players to have the worst of attitudes and habits.

Gambling is a sinful hobby that wastes time and effort, and makes people get used to laziness and idleness. It stops the ummah from working and producing.

Gambling pushes people to commit crimes because the one who is penniless wants to get hold of money in any way he can, even if he has to steal it or take it by force, or through accepting bribes and cheating.

Gambling causes stress, illness and nervous breakdowns. It breeds hatred and in most cases leads to crime, suicide, insanity and chronic illness.

Gambling pushes the gambler to bad behaviour such as drinking alcohol and taking drugs. The atmosphere in which gambling takes place is dimly lit and filled with cigarette smoke; people talk in hushed voices and whispers, and sneak in and out as if they are up to no good. They come in hesitantly, filled with suspicion, and gather around the green table, breathing uneasily and with their hearts pounding. They are supposed to be friends playing a game, but in reality they are enemies, each of them lying in wait for the other and trying to make gains at the expense of the other and his children. The owner of the place tries to numb the feelings of all participants by offering dreamy music, fallen women, all kinds of drinks and cigarettes. The green table is surrounded with cheating and deception. The waiters and girls may tell one player about another player’s cards, helping one player to beat another by means of nods and whispers. Sometimes they achieve a kind of balance to make sure the game carries on and people stay for longer. No doubt everyone loses in the end, they lose the money they spend on drinks and cigarettes, the money they give to the waiters, the money they spend on drinks for the girls, and all kinds of other losses. Even the one who wins all or most of the games loses all or most of his winnings, and the loser loses everything. And at the end of the night, they all sneak away, showing the signs of depression and humiliation, and the loser warns the winner to look out the next day. (Ahmad Shalabi, al-Hayaat al-Ijtimaa’iyyah fi’l-Tafkeer al-Islami, p. 241)

How many families have become poor because of gambling? How many mouths have gone hungry, how many bodies have become naked or been clothed in nothing but rags? How many marriages have failed, how many jobs have been lost, because of a person who stole money to support his gambling habit? How many men have sold their religion and honour at the gambling table? Gambling destroys everything, even when the aim is money. It includes wine, smoking, bad company, darkness, confusion, cheating, hatred, watching for opportunities to take advantage of others, deception and all other kinds of evil.(Qadaayaa al-Lahw wa’l-Tarfeeh, p. 388)

We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound.

Source: http://www.muslimnote.com/note/gambling-why-does-islam-prohibit-it/

malvisguy212:
may God save you before you fall into deep.

And why are you so obsessed with Islam?

truthman2012:
Bro the quran is deceitful. Did you notice it doesn't contain the teachings of Jesus, yet muslims say they believe in him? Believe in what?

Try to read the Quran first brother.

malvisguy212:
what truth is that ? What did Jesus preach to the Jews in the quran that the Jews did not accepts?

And can you tell me what Jesus preached in the Bible that got him killed? Please Don't tell me "Christianity" cos that word doesn't exist even in the Bible FYI.

malvisguy212:
wrong, all the prophet you mention are biblical prophet and they died in peace with the exception of Amos,Jeremiah. http://www.sacred-texts.com/chr/bb/bb32.htm

At lest you know why this prophet were killed, what was the an attempt was made in Jesus life.

Is it not funny that you had to post a link that's confirming the authenticity of my claim and you still said I'm wrong? And that's exactly my major problem with you Christians, you don't read thoroughly and understand before you jump to conclusion, not even when reading the Bible.

My friend, simply read thoroughly that link u provided and you'll see how Prophet Habakkuk, Ezekiel, zechariah and Amos died.

Secondly, I never expected the second question from you if you had actually read nd understood my post you quoted, I said in that post that the OP of this thread was not making any point with his question when it is very clear both in the Bible and Quran why Prophets where attacked. If you want me to be more direct, they were attacked because they brought a message (religion) that is alien to the people and the people were not ready to accept these prophets and they felt the only way to kill the message is to attack the messenger. This is no exception to Jesus nor to Prophet Muhammad, Muhammad was attacked when he started preaching Islam in Makkah and likewise Jesus also was attacked, Abraham was almost burnt alive and the list goes on.

Is it not weird now for someone to ask why Jesus was attacked in the Quran? Only someone who doesn't know the Bible not Quran could ask such question. And to cap it all, he immediately got support from his fellow pastors. Funny!

Incorruptible:
I doubt if you really understand what you read. There is a big difference between head knowledge and heart knowledge. Muslims uses head knowledge to understand the Bible that's why they always wants to argue what they don't know. Moreso, they read it to find fault.
The day you will open that Bible to really understand who Christ is, I bet you the Holy Spirit will quicken your understanding. Light from above will radiate your heart and thst will be the end of you being a Muslim.

Read to find fault?? Noo noooo. If it's so I'll have posted incomplete verses to make my argument look interesting, just the way you see Christians do in this forum by posting incomplete Quranic verses just to make the religion look so bad.

As adults we should be able to make choices and take full responsibility for our decisions. I know 99% of Christians are Christians today because they are born into Christian homes. Have you ever sat down and try to be just u nd not the Christian you? Only then u can study other religions with clear heart and make a decision of where you actually want to belong.

I have gone through that process in my life nd bet you, if after studying the Christian religion and compared without been biased, I have been able to conclude.

Though I respect everyone's convictions, but I'll like the Christians to compromise for once and see if you'll remain a Christian, Muslim or even an atheist.

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truthman2012:
No, you are dead wrong. I study both the quran and hadiths. In fact I bought a copy of quran sometime around 1980. I read hadiths on hadithcollection.com

My friend, what is your response to the OP?

Was the OP asking a question? If it's a question then it's a lame one, it's so funny that a Christian would say Jesus was crucified just for saying he is the son of God, what about the Prophets before him, why were they condemned? It's not because they said they were sons of God, but because they preached a message the people were not ready to accept, not just because they said they were sons of God.
They were rebuked and some killed because they preached the message of their Lord.

Amos, Habakkuk, Ezekiel, Zechariah, we're killed for preaching the word of God, and those that were not killed were sent on exile. So is it not lame for someone to ask why there was an attempt on the life of Prophet Isa (Jesus)? When just like in the Bible, the Quran also talks about the difficulties the messengers of God faced when they confront their people with the message.

The OP should try to read the Quran and he'll see the reasons why Jesus was condemned by his people. And not to come here and make assumptions backed by a weak point.

PastorKun:
So much confusion and contradiction in islam

If only you've ever dedicated 6 hours of your life to study what it preaches.....

The Muslims always study the bible and the religion of Christianity and never scared to do so. In fact you'll find different versions of the bible at my house, and I understood every bit of what they teaches, I even asked questions (From my Neighbor Christians/Pastors) when I dont understand. The big questions now is; Why are the Christians scared of reading the Qu'ran or study Islam?

Dont tell me its written in Arabic! The original bible wasnt written in English either.

All most of you do is condemn Islam after hearing stories from your pastor who heard from a pastor that heard from a pastor! and so on.... Its so pathetic!!!