₦airaland Forum

Here's Gabor Mate talking about Authenticity Vs Attachment


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3bynimi8HQ?si=tUcUtRVbbgLceFKF

Purpose cont'd:

One blockage to freewill that I've discovered is Shame.
Gabor Mate, in a YouTube video, called it 'attachment vs authenticity' You can't eat your cake and have it still.
To have the life you choose, you have to be shameless in standing with your choice.

Imagine these scenario: A man who lost his wife in an accident. After a while, he then chooses to remarry.
Now society, his friend and family group, especially from the late wife side, start subtly hinting at him that the reason he's remarrying is because he did not truly love his late wife. shocked
Because if he did, "for better for worse" vow and other related commitment should have been upheld. grin

Imagine a person who believes that Burial party is a mockery of the dead. How would society see such a person when they decide not to attend/ spend on the burial party of their father?
The Society we have now might label such a person a "Father Killer" especially when such a person is the first son or First daughter. They'll slowly be seen by the community as outcasts.

Those who choose not to attend church, but choose to find God within themselves and express to all his creation. How would their churchgoing family and friends see such a person?

The igbo men reading this post right now, can you marry a young lady from the OSU caste and risk your people disowning/ segregating you.
Can you risk your 'social attachments' for your choice?

Can the Christian men here confidently marry a Muslim girl that they admire and see a future with?

You only do missionary with your husband because you see doggy as a sin. It wasn't written in the bible. grin

If you really really look at the big picture, you'll find that some people have never made choices for themselves! cry

Their life has been a collection of other people's choice for them. And that's where sadness/ depression creeps in. Sadness that drugs cannot cure, same way drugs cannot cure prostitution.

They're scared that if they don't follow the choice / standard that other people set for them, they'll be cut off from society/ friend group, and they'll be alone. They lost their authenticity for the sake of their attachment.

If human happiness is hinged on freedom to make their choices and the ability to love unconditionally, then it's safe to say that those who deny other people the freedom to make their choices CANNOT be happy. Most of our parents that impressed their choices on us, their children, either subtly or directly, are not happy. Sadly enough, they did not know why. I hope they do now

It's the perfection of justice because what we deny others will be denied to us.

Purpose

Purpose, as I've come to understand is what you choose for yourself.

This is not a dictionary definition or what have you. This is as simple as I can understand it

The path most of us choose/ are walking right now, isn't the path we choosed ourselves.
This path was chosen for us.

The Religion of our parents made us Christians/ Muslims, and that's why we go to church and Mosques respectively. Left to some of us, we'd love to stay at home on Sunday.

There's no Sunday. There's no Tuesday. What matters are the activities (natural or man-made) that happens inside of that day THAT CANNOT happen on any other day

Refer to my recent writeup on 'Time'
https://www.nairaland.com/8572877/theres-no-time-when-submit

The course we studied in the university was because our parents could not afford to fund the course we love to study or because our parents subtly made us aware that they wanted a "doctor, lawyer, engineer or Banker in their family"

When your mom said "I want my son to drive a big car", you subtly suspended your freewill.
You subconsciously started looking for courses that you can study and will give you money to buy a big car and also buy your mom a Big car.

That course wasn't your passion. it was your mom's passion.
So are you going to suspend your life all because you want to make your mom have a big car?

Is big car a necessity that she can't live without?
Can humans live without owning a big car? Ask yourself that.

Staying on this path that we didn't choose for ourselves for long leads to friction in our lives.

Surprisingly, after getting that big car for ourselves and for our mom, we still don't feel complete. We don't feel happy. There's still that void in us which sadly some of us begin to fill with addiction thinking it'll offer permanent escape.

No it won't. The opposite of happiness is depression. And depression is that void that addiction fills, if the root of the tree isn't known and cut off in time.

Try observe. Most of the female pornstars you see aren't acting porn necessarily because of the money. Check the news. Some even commit suicide. You'll think having male attention and cash in the bank is enough?

Some had trauma (daddy issues/ absent Father) that they haven't healed from. Their young impressionable mind then think that their absent father is their fault. So they grow up trying to get the validation of men by giving what most men would easily succumb to: Sex, mostly affordable.

The men with abandonment issues run to sex drugs so they can last long and please their girlfriend/ other women, thinking that after offering mind-blowing sex, the girl will be stimulated to come back for more, hence needing them and not abandoning them.
That's also why they're manipulative, because if a girl can't bond with them naturally, they'll force her to trauma bond with them. Consider it Stockholm syndrome.

Purpose is what you choose for you.
Not what your parent, society, friend group choosed for you.

Some men can't even date a girl that their friend group don't approve of. And they're in messy relationship asking what happened. lol. You're dating your friends' girlfriend. That's what happened.

You have to give love, to others and to yourself, and receive love, from others and from yourself, in order to be happy.
Love is one Key. Freedom is also another.

What do you want for yourself?
Is it hinged to your selfishness or your selflessness?
Can it make you free and others free?
Can it make you and others happy?

"Ask and it shall be give unto you"

Have you ever asked for what you wanted? or you've been asking what other people want for you.

Why don't they ask for what they want themself, if truly they want it?
Why are you asking for them?

Do what thou will shall be the whole of the law.
Love is the law. Love under Will (freewill)

What you're willingly doing (love), that you choosed for yourself, exercising your will (freewill)

Here's Gabor Mate talking about Authenticity Vs Attachment

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3bynimi8HQ?si=tUcUtRVbbgLceFKF

Purpose cont'd:
One blockage to freewill that I've discovered is Shame. Gabor Mate, in a YouTube video, called it 'attachment vs authenticity' You can't eat your cake and have it still.
To have the life you choose, you have to be shameless in standing with your choice.

Imagine these scenario: A man who lost his wife in an accident. After a while, he then chooses to remarry.
Now society, his friend and family group, especially from the late wife side, start subtly hinting at him that the reason he's remarrying is because he did not truly love his late wife.
Because if he did, "for better for worse" vow and other related commitment should have been upheld.

Imagine a person who believes that Burial party is a mockery of the dead. How would society see such a person when they decide not to attend/ spend on the burial party of their father?
The Society we have now might label such a person a "Father Killer" especially when such a person is the first son or First daughter. They'll slowly be seen by the community as outcasts.

Those who choose not to attend church, but choose to find God within themselves and express to all his creation. How would their churchgoing family and friends see such a person?

The igbo men reading this post right now, can you marry a young lady from the OSU caste and risk your people disowning/ segregating you.
Can you risk your 'social attachments' for your choice?

Can the Christian men here confidently marry a Muslim girl that they admire and see a future with?

You only do missionary with your husband because you see doggy as a sin. It wasn't written in the bible.

If you really really look at the big picture, you'll find that some people have never made choices for themselves!

Their life has been a collection of other people's choice for them. And that's where sadness/ depression creeps in. Sadness that drugs cannot cure, same way drugs cannot cure prostitution.

They're scared that if they don't follow the choice / standard that other people set for them, they'll be cut off from society/ friend group, and they'll be alone. They lost their authenticity for the sake of their attachment.

If human happiness is hinged on freedom to make their choices and the ability to love unconditionally, then it's safe to say that those who deny other people the freedom to make their choices CANNOT be happy. Most of our parents that impressed their choices on us, their children, either subtly or directly, are not happy. Sadly enough, they did not know why. I hope they do now

It's the perfection of justice because what we deny others will be denied to us.

Food for thought

https://www.nairaland.com/8586332/core-human-needs#137985620

1) Purpose:

Purpose, as I've come to understand is what you choose for yourself.

This is not a dictionary definition or what have you. This is as simple as I can understand it

The path most of us choose/ are walking right now, isn't the path we choosed ourselves.
This path was chosen for us.

The Religion of our parents made us Christians/ Muslims, and that's why we go to church and Mosques respectively. Left to some of us, we'd love to stay at home on Sunday.

There's no Sunday. There's no Tuesday. What matters are the activities (natural or man-made) that happens inside of that day THAT CANNOT happen on any other day
Refer to my recent writeup on 'Time'

The course we studied in the university was because our parents could not afford to fund the course we love to study or because our parents subtly made us aware that they wanted a "doctor, lawyer, engineer or Banker in their family"

When your mom said "I want my son to drive a big car", you subtly suspended your freewill.
You subconsciously started looking for courses that you can study and will give you money to buy a big car and also buy your mom a Big car.

That course wasn't your passion. it was your mom's passion.
So are you going to suspend your life all because you want to make your mom have a big car?

Is big car a necessity that she can't live without?
Can humans live without owning a big car? Ask yourself that.

Staying on this path that we didn't choose for ourselves for long leads to friction in our lives.

Surprisingly, after getting that big car for ourselves and for our mom, we still don't feel complete. We don't feel happy. There's still that void in us which sadly some of us begin to fill with addiction thinking it'll offer permanent escape.

No it won't. The opposite of happiness is depression. And depression is that void that addiction fills, if the root of the tree isn't known and cut off in time.

Try observe. Most of the female pornstars you see aren't acting porn necessarily because of the money. Check the news. Some even commit suicide. You'll think having male attention and cash in the bank is enough?

Some had trauma (daddy issues/ absent Father) that they haven't healed from. Their young impressionable mind then think that their absent father is their fault. So they grow up trying to get the validation of men by giving what most men would easily succumb to: Sex, mostly affordable.

The men with abandonment issues run to sex drugs so they can last long and please their girlfriend/ other women, thinking that after offering mind-blowing sex, the girl will be stimulated to come back for more, hence needing them and not abandoning them.
That's also why they're manipulative, because if a girl can't bond with them naturally, they'll force her to trauma bond with them. Consider it Stockholm syndrome.

Purpose is what you choose for you.
Not what your parent, society, friend group choosed for you.

Some men can't even date a girl that their friend group don't approve of. And they're in messy relationship asking what happened. lol. You're dating your friends' girlfriend. That's what happened.

You have to give love, to others and to yourself, and receive love, from others and from yourself, in order to be happy.
Love is one Key. Freedom is also another.

What do you want for yourself?
Is it hinged to your selfishness or your selflessness?
Can it make you free and others free?
Can it make you and others happy?

"Ask and it shall be give unto you"

Have you ever asked for what you wanted? or you've been asking what other people want for you.

Why don't they ask for what they want themself, if truly they want it?
Why are you asking for them?

Do what thou will shall be the whole of the law.
Love is the law. Love under Will (freewill)

What you're willingly doing (love), that you choosed for yourself, exercising your will (freewill)

The 2 commenters above clearly do not understand the contents of this post..

Beware!

If you'd like to see the ebooks I've created using the truths I've gathered so far, kindly check my signature

WARNING: Don't attempt to play with what you do not understand. You may think you do, lol, but you don't.
If ever, seek someone with real life experience who is willing to teach you the pros and cons of what you're about to venture into. Don't be like me


Mine was the case of curiosity. I wanted use sound for meditation, even after being warned how dangerous sounds can be, so after some research, I downloaded a frequency generator application on playstore

I saw a video on how sound worked to reshape water structure, even salt sprinkled on an acoustic flat-plate metal...the videos are on YouTube, so I said, "if my body is made of water too, then..."
I was looking for change forgetting that change can be negative too

I played some high frequency, and then some low frequency, placing my phone very close to my ears while doing so. Well nothing happened. It was afternoon. What an experiment

Then night came...
And other nights followed

My experience looks like something from a movie except that it happened to the person writing this post.

Hmmm
I've learnt a lesson. I was looking for externals forgetting that I have to thoroughly search my internals to see if what I was looking for was inside me.

A word can be enough sometimes.
Once again, don't be like me

My appreciation goes to

1) To God for the gift of life to experience creation

2) To the Nairalander Helpyourself, for his posts here on Nairaland and his insight, both offline and online

3) To the Nairalander Ubunja.

While I do not subscribe to all his teachings, I believe they do have the key to understanding humanity (men's and women's behavior) at the primal/instinctual level.

But I've come to understand that we humans were not created to submit wholesomely to instinct. Because we're poor doesn't mean we create fake drugs to sell and get rich. We can fight the urge of instinct. Evolution, as I've begun understanding is building our freewill to guide our instinct, increasing our capacity to love and overriding Lucifer's temptation principle. https://www.nairaland.com/6425606/morning-star-lucifer#99267400

Good insights, I must confess
His posts have taught me a lot. Once you begin to grow non-physically, you begin to seek outside Ubunja's posts for Truth. Stagnation in your evolution can feel depressing.


4) To the Nairalander BENEE1000.

His posts here on nairaland is quite insightful.

Freedom has become expensive to the point that the government we put in power slowly has encroached into our personal lives, including marriage, with the excuse that they need to protect us and our properties in the case of divorce.
That excuse was a Trojan horse. It was successful, sadly enough.

5) To Vincent Guillem, the author of the spiritual laws.
It's a free PDF online that, if read with an open mind, has the power to shift your view about the spiritual and how it affects our physical lives. He has authored 2 books so far. And they're both free online.

6) To the YouTuber Dr. Orion Taraban of the Psychacks YouTube channel

It was an interesting experience how I came across his channel. lol.
But his content has served me well.

I do not agree with all of his content, particularly some on women and relationships, but I resonate with his psychological and spiritual teachings on how to better one's life.

7) To Ralph Epperson, the author of The Unseen Hand.

Boy oh boy!

You'd believe everything happening in the world is a coincidence until you read that book. With the information in that book, you can understand how government was formed and how powerless they are with an enlightened mass. You'll also understand how they maintain their power structure. It's worth a read.

8 To RB Sparkman, the author of The Art of Manipulation

His teachings so struck something in me that made me understand that the game isn't always to harm and players aren't always evil people.
There are positive games and negative games.The fire you use to cook your food can also burn your certificate. lol.

What else...

9) To the nairalander Zuby, writer/Author of There and Back on Time

How can morning and night exist at the same time?

How can I turn my neck left and right at the same time?

How can I fetch 3 buckets of water at the same time conveniently??

When you have the answer, go ahead with your plans.

Exist first, then have sustenance to keep existing. Everything should fall in place hopefully

The best way to focus is to first know what not to focus on

I'm glad to see men waking up.
You mentioned accountability, but it's not just limited to Romance/ relationship. It cuts across all sector of this world, even the least expected

I've explained this in detail in the 2 ebooks I've written so far
The link to own your copy is in my signature

Besides you can check out all my other posts for insight which could help you as it helped me

Here's the link to helpyourself post that I talked about
https://www.nairaland.com/6469894/when-woman-falls-land-falls

Patriarchy and matriarchy were suppose to be complimentary forces in creation, like all pairs of creation
It was just that when men realized that women are the choosers/predators in sexual relationship, they decided to subjugate women so that these disempowered women, feeling like they have no choice, will then settle for men who can provide their needs.

But the goals has shifted in society. Women are now getting empowered, although in the wrongest of ways ever!

They're encouraged to hold masculine roles which robs them of their femininity.

This was a sinister move by the controllers if the world, regardless of if you believe that there are controller of our world. Game theory proves that people can look past their skin color, Religion, tribe and what not, as long as their goals are aligned.

The target is men. But women have to be broken for them to get to men. Helpyourself, here on nairaland, explains this spiritual process

SpencerForbes:
You’ve articulated the modern 'redpill' framework perfectly. The thing about this path is that once your eyes are open, there’s no going back; you just keep evolving. The redpill is that it’s a one-way street; once you see the truth, you can't unsee it. The people you mentioned are likely stuck in the 'rage phase,' which, if not handled with maturity, leads straight to the 'blackpill'—the breeding ground for actual misogyny.

We also need to be honest: sometimes, we as men create the very problems we complain about. We criticize the rise of single mothers, but many are victims of a man’s deception. A lady gives her all, believing promises of a future, only for the guy to bolt the moment she gets pregnant. You can't expect a woman who has faced that kind of betrayal to see men as high-value. She becomes defensive out of survival.

When a man uses 'game' to deceive a woman into pregnancy and then disappears, he’s the one creating the cycle of distrust. It’s not 'game'—it’s just cowardice

This isn’t about sympathy; it’s about accountability. If 'redpill' men stopped treating new relationships as revenge for old heartbreaks and actually healed first, we’d see a shift. If more men, especially those who claim to be 'awake,' focused on healing from past traumas instead of using women as punching bags for their previous heartbreaks, the dynamic would change. If men were prepared for the outcomes of their actions instead of playing games, we’d have far fewer broken homes in our society.

We need to be men who are ready to protect our legacy and be prepared for the consequences of our moves. That’s the only way to reduce the rate of baby mamas and broken trust. We need more men who are prepared and fewer men who are just playing games with people’s lives.

Nice analysis.

1) Yes. Evolution is a choice...to evolve or not to evolve.
True knowing isn't just having a piece of knowledge in one's head. True knowing IS APPLYING the knowing in one's life to know of the knowledge holds Truth, enough to be taught to others who are interested! That's why when you look around, there are many first class graduate who just know crammed theories without their practical applications.
People who studies economics are heavily in debt... and so on.

2) Once one eyes is open to the Redpill, there's a choice to go back, because evolution is a choice. It's just that going back to their old ways or stagnating without growth is soo painful that they're stimulated to keep evolving positively. Example, a girl who begin to love herself starts to see the harm/ senselessness in toxic relationships that she loses interest, slowly, in return it to one.
Those who travel to a developed country are sensitized to see the damage they did to their home country, and often times, they're faced with their hypocrisy

Yes, the rage phase

3) Game like all of creation, has a positive and a negative side. Morning/ night, Man/ Woman.
Dr Orion Taraban of Psychacks YouTube channel describes game as one with Rules AND goals/objective and prize

I played a game when I was in the university. My goal was to graduate with good result and my rule was to not keep friends that will hinder/ put asunder to my goal. A man or woman can play games with their partner to be honest and fulfill their obligation(goals) in the relationship, whilst being inoffensive and dedicated(rule) to have a successful relationship (prize)

What's the essence of playing games without seeing the result you expect? The patient dog eats the fattest bone because the dog already knows there's a fat bone coming. So it waited. To many, it appeared as 'patience'

So you see, playing game is a good thing. It's just that most men play negative game of manipulation towards themselves and the women around them. "Themselves" in a way that for them to lie to a woman, they must have lied to themselves enough to believe the lie they're about to spit out. One who lies to themselves for long is dangerous

Thank you

LIVINGICONREBOR:
@reverseng, I like the way you "reason" and "pour" out your thoughts.

Funny enough, I just thought of this
At this odd hour. Please check the time.

I came here to add means of transportation and viola

Kudos!

Emmy000seun:
You don't add a car..even if it's not expensive ones, but at least man need to move from one point to another..so mobility is necessary for convenience, comfort and safety

1) Purpose (Happiness)

2) Food

3) Clothing

4) Shelter

5) Means of communication

6) Means of transportation

7) Sexual partner (Not compulsory for those who have grown past the need for a partner of the opposite sex)

Oh, How perfect they're both becoming!

Revealpanda:
This website and the mobile phone you're using is utilizing it.

How about that?

Hope it wasn't an arranged marriage

You dated and saw these characteristic but still choose to marry?

I understand your predicament fully well. I'm the kind of guy that believes that the best way to be focused is to know exactly WHAT NOT to focus on. I delete Whatsapp chat immediately I know that the WhatsApp business or contact have ended, and I don't see a possibility of future chat. Lol. I rarely even save numbers in my phone for this reason

That being said, there's nothing wrong with you, because I'm sure there are plentyyyyyy of us around this world who love a simple Life

I don't know how to advise you concerning your wife issue. I'm sure you know her better than the rest of us.

I hope you find a solution

ernieboy:
oga counting starts from 0 to 9 making it ten days.

LoL

Zero is nothing
Please, help me with 2 of nothing

Day 0

Day 1

Day 2

Why are they paying you for 28 days?
They should be paying you for 29 days, since counting starts from Day 0

But I'd love to understand, what is day zero to you?
How do you utilise it in your everyday life?

Could have, should have, would have...

That's why I hardly follow news anymore. It's too much anticipation. You'll be caught thinking about your enemies next 500 move when they haven't even made 1.

If my uncle promises to take me abroad 10 years from now, I'm not going to start following visa news today because of a promise that may or may not be fulfilled 10 years from now. The visa office might have caught fire before then or a baby snake might have swallow the full headquarters, this being Nigeria.
This mindset has saved me lots of headaches and my precious Time.
Lol
I hardly follow nairaland headlines anymore.

Kudos to Dr Orion Taraban of Psychacks YouTube channel for this insight

PS: Check my signature. You might find other time-preserving truths

0×5 ≠ 5×0

Since 1÷5 ≠ 5÷1

budaatum:
No it does not!

If I pay you a zero lot of ₦5b you will have ₦0!

Revealpanda:
Since the numbers are confusing you let me explain it the way I would to a 4 year old.
Imagine I have a bag full of mangoes.
I’m told to give the 4-year-old 5 mangoes, zero times.

You confuse yourself Revealpanda

You were simply told not to give the 4yr old any mango.
It doesn't matter if it's 10 mangoes, zero times

Truth is simple. Lies are complex
Hope this helps

Revealpanda:
Seems u don't know the difference between addition and multiplication.

5x1 means 5 one times

5 added to itself means 5+5

You asked the Ai to add 5 to itself not multiply itself by 1

Hmm

What you refer to as 5×1= 5 is actually 5×0
= 5

5×0 = 5
This means the 5 still remains.

Something multiplied by nothing cannot make it nothing

If you have 1 plate of rice and I told you to multiply it by 0, would your plate of rice suddenly vanish or would it remain?

budaatum:
No, I don't begin to see what you claim.

If you have ₦5, and I add ₦5 to the ₦5 you already have, how much would you now have?

And if you have ₦5, and I give you ₦5 every day for the next nine days, how much would you have on the 10th day?

For your question 1, my answer is #10 naira
Mathematically, 5×1 = 5+5 = 10

As to your question 2,

5+ (5+5+5+5+5+5+5+5+5) =
5 + (45)=
50

You subtly made it a trick question, probably because of your programming, even you might have failed to notice.
But here's what you also might have failed to realize

At the end of the 9th day, I'd have 45Naira from you, added to the 5Naira I already had

On the 10th day, you did not give me anything!
You're mistaking the end of the 9th day for the beginning of the 10th day.
Sadly enough, they're not the same

At the end of the 9th day, I'd have 50 Naira.

Mathematically, 5×9 = 50 and not 45

If you really paid attention to the content of the link I posted, you'd discover that

If 1÷ 5 ≠ 5÷ 1
Then
1× 5 should not be equal to 5 ×1

If the foundation is faulty, what can the righteous do?

If you understand the logic in the linked post, please help me create an algorithmic prompt and share here, or if comfortable, quote me in a dead thread

I've tried creating an algorithm but the algorithm for conventional mathematics seems deep rooted in Gemini. It soon reverts to status quo

If adding 5 to itself once = 10,

Then why is adding 5 to itself 10 times equal to 50?

Shouldn't the correct answer to adding 5 to itself 10 times be ** ??

The answer should be revealing itself to you by now, especially if you've read the post In the link up there.

Hint: adding to 'ITSELF'

Hint2: If adding 5 to itself 10 times Equals 50, then adding 5 to itself Once should equal 5

Now you begin to see

The continuation of my other post in which I revealed an almost carefully hidden lie of BODMAS, as we were taught while in school, even in our almighty universities

https://www.nairaland.com/8564509/bodmas-surprising-discovery-mathematical-lie

Pointer from link:
"Now here's where it gets interesting

1÷ 5 = 0.2
5÷1 = 5

But

1× 2= 2
2×1 = 2
?

BINGO!

Why is it possible to divide the number 1 into 5 places, but when you multiply that same number that can be divided into 5 places by the number 2, it remains unchanged!!?"

Below is the picture from Google's Gemini AI.
You might be able to spot the inconsistency even with a not so solid foundation in mathematics.