₦airaland Forum

@dynamite11, I took time to go thru ur post, comments from nairalanders and ur responses to their comments and this is my bit of contribution.

1. I understand ur MIL is single, lonely and jobless to always want to visit ur home. Talk to ur wife to get her mother involve in something that interest her.

2. Ur wife is her only child, so she is never going to go away. Talk it out with ur wife, maybe she can be coming on a week visit once in two or three months (not monthly) Boko.

3. Don't confront ur MIL on this as the person to deal with the issue is ur wife becos I don't want u to create bad blood b/w u and ur MIL as she is still important to u and ur wife. Let ur daughter deal with it and they will sort out themselves later as mother and daughter.

4. The person u have to deal with is ur wife, put her on her toes by forcing her hand to make her mother to leave or visit only when necessary.

For appropriate ways to force the hand of ur wife, I will enjoin u to apply some of these measures suggested by narialanders below.


by Sochimaobim
Whenever she plans to visit, call her and tell her not to bother coming, that u will send her daughter over to stay with her. Make sure ur wife goes over to her house to stay with her. Let ur wife understand that u are sending her to her mum not becos u want to, but because she is forcing ur hand. They will use their tongue to count their teeth

by fexyrich
Leave the house for them for 2 weeks...if ur wife starts to miss u tell her that she shld choose between u and her mothers frequent visits..Get a house help to stay with her mother and keep her company in her own house so that she can give u guys some space...Travel, leave the house for them..ur wife will come looking for you..If it were me I will start making my wife jealous by acting as though I av other female girlfriends and I wld start coming back very late and sleeping out somtimes.if she starts complaining tell her that since she cant give u DAT companionship by allowing u av ur privacy with her then u av to get it else were...my man she will be d one to do d needful,cos am sure she wldnt want to loose u..


by 9jatatafo
OP I feel your pains. I would suggest that you arrange a business trade for your MIL and get her busy and I am sure she won't have the time visiting you always. Make sure it is the kind of trade she loves. Discuss with your wife first about it.

by zigalo
When it happened to me, after series of sit downs with my wife and no progress, I simply moved over to a friend's place.. I didn't even inform my wife. Immediately I closed from work on a Friday, I went to my friend's house (Bachelor). They were all looking for me, I didn't even pick their calls, until my mom called me and I explained to her. I think she told my wife and she came to my office to look for me on Monday. Without any form of quarrel I calmly told my wife that I have decided to move on since I cannot marry her and her mother and its obvious she cannot talk to her mom. Because sincerely I didn't have any reason to talk to the mother to avoid any issue of disrespect. I told her I was trying to put some money together to get an apartment of my own and start all over again. After long quarrel through the week she called me that my MIL in not coming over this weekend that I should please come back home. I waited till Monday after work and I went back home and I don't know what she eventually told her mom and I didnt ask till today except when we had our second child. my MIL no dey come anyhow. It was a drastic trick I used if it had backfired. It created a strain in our relationship but I think I am better for it.

hmmm. This is a serious case. I know ur kind. Easy going. Dnt like raising his voice. Dnt like getting angry nd al. Trust me. This situation u are in will make u wish u were not d way u are (gentle). It takes courage to make ur home problems public. Though a problem shared is a problem half solved. Tough times calls for tough approach. I doubt if ur wife ve seen hw fed up u are. Nd u are not d type dat likes to argue or nag. Ur wife got married to u and not her mum. Make her see dat. Give urself a break frm home. Though before u do, make sure ur wife knows y u are giving her a break. Spend more time away with friends. I know u ve few nd not used to dat. But u ve to try. U ve to step up ur actions before u lose ur mind.


Wizzyblack3
I want to believe you have tried so much to put an end to her frequent visits which has yet to yield any meaningful result. They say ''Desperates times needs desperate measures'', she keeps coming to your/her daughter's house cos she feels comfortable coming there. What of if you start making it UNCOMFORTABLE for her there, You can easily arrange and invite your friends to your house on weekends to watch league matches, play video games with you, if you have single ones among them, they can come over with their girlfriends and party with you for no reason. With this, your wife would be tempted to ask you If you realise you're married and should enjoy some privacy. Then you can make your mark from there. NOTE: Make your friends understand the reasons for your actions so they won't turn it to habit when your problems must have been solved. JUST WHAT I THINK,,,,,, SO GOOD LUCK bro!

Odani :
simple my brother, start bringing your own family members too to spend the weekend and while at it do make sure that your mum demands much from her t like bring up unnecessary gist with your wife and also let her start dictating to ur wife what you enjoy eating and all that. you too on your part fill your mum up on that happens in the house and let her start to interfere in ur house hold (Chai this is the part we women hate) soon your wife go tire, na she go even call fam meeting.

FortuneTeller
All you have to do is find a man who will pursue and romance your mother in law. Once this happens, she will even call to tell her daughter she is busy and can't see her until a month later.


Ytechconst
I suggest you make the house uncomfortable for her. If possible rent an apartment of mini flat that has just one bedroom to accomodate you and your wife and son, when she comes around get the localy made mat for her to sleep at the centre of the sitting room, leave the DSTV subscription unpaid. Once she realises that she is not getting those comfort her visit will reduces drastically.


Denniseche
is simple...............just go and invite like 5 of your own family members.................be it blood or extended............. just watch your wife and mum reactions.................i am sure she would be the first to complain.........then remind her thats how you fel too when her mum comes visiting.............i hope your wife is ibo....its a common thing there

Octavo
Then you start by being incharge of the remote! Make sure you always put in a channel that won't interest her. Increase volume very well. Mehn! You need to learn how to be hostile. Make her realize you need privacy with your actions if you can't tell her with your mouth.

tranxo
OP. I think you have done everything reasonably and diplomatically well. (Assuming all you said is the truth because this is one-sided) You don try. Now call your wife and make her realise that she is about to become a single parent like her mother. And that you value your life very well and will do anything in your power to find another wife that will give you the happiness you deserve. Then start staying more away from the home, ESPECIALLY when your MIL is not around. Why? So that your wife will truly feel and know the meaning of loneli


loladius:
don't just make threats. Take action. Time for dialogue has passed, as all talk has fallen on deaf ears. You can't solve this problem without a fight

Emmydollars4life
Earlier the better for that woman to said that your house belong to us according to what you said, change your gate man, then instruct the new one not to open gate to anybody without confirming from you. They already know that you are not happly , fight for once and hold ur peace like making sure she is luck outside. But I have the feelings that ur mother inlaw is on a mission. Since ur wife don't want to respect ur feelings I think u have to make her uncomfortable too.


Firstly all that relocate or get a smaller pad is bullshit. Dude create your own world for yourself in the house. 1. Move your decoder to your room. 2. Eat out always . 3. When you get back from work, greet them gist a bit and retire to your cocoon. By the time she realises you haven't eaten her food for 2 days nobody would reset get faculty. Believe you me if your wife doesn't sit up fast then be set to get out of the marriage.


tony1305 :
My dear brother,I understand where you're coming from. Been there and it wasn't easy. Its is even more difficult when the wife fails to understand the need for privacy. What I did in my own case,after my continuous calls for my wife to stop her mother visiting frequently failed. I had to allow it spill into a quarrel that caught the attention of my MI. Ot was obvious to everyone that we(my wife and I had issues)so when my MI asked her daughter what the issue was,she had no choice but to spill the beans. Her mother got the jerk and left. From that day she respected herself. Of course I settled with my wife. Though she wasn't down with it bit she didn't have a choice. Cos the quarrel we had was intense and she wasn't ready for another. So my brother make up your mind to deal with this issue even if it means quarrel so be it. Let your wife know that you're no longer going to tolerate it. Let it be obvious to her mum. If she hates you for it no wahala its always better to be yourself in your house than to pretend all is well. Best of luck.

millhouse :
I use my bad habit to chase all form of In- laws or wifey friends away from our home.. 1.make sure am always stack unclad when am home.. I tell her it's my home and that's how I feel comfortable so if her In-laws come no probs.. So she is like abeg oo make una no dey visit u know my husband no dey wear cloth.... Or when sister in laws cone see me moving around in only pant.. They be like 'am intruding here oo' next day pack their bag and leave.


tranxo
I think you have done everything reasonably and diplomatically well. (Assuming all you said is the truth because this is one-sided) You don try. Now call your wife and make her realise that she is about to become a single parent like her mother. And that you value your life very well and will do anything in your power to find another wife that will give you the happiness you deserve. Then start staying more away from the home, ESPECIALLY when your MIL is not around. Why? So that your wife will truly feel and know the meaning of loneliness. Stop telling your wife about your daily activities. Keep her on an emotional island and deprive her the type of attention all women need from a man......the type that no woman can provide for her. Caution: Do not take it to the extreme. Easy does it. Remember, you STILL love your wife and do not want to handle the situation in a way that will make it difficult to continue loving her when she eventually come back to her senses. Shalom.


diamondx2:
Action they say speak louder than words,,when next she visit just try n put up a rude behavior to both mother and child,,ignore them avoid talking to them ,,sitting with them ,even while eating don't eat together at the dinning table,,make sure both of them notice the opposite of you,,even at night when it's time to sleep make sure u distance yourself to the other edge of the bed,,I know your wife will sure ask what's the problem ,,your response should be " I am fine " if she still insist ,,quietly walk away,, if u r a type that doesn't go out and hang out with friends or stay out late,,dis is the right time to go out,,even your MIL when is gone ,,still put up that rude behavior for some days,,DO DAT WHEN EVER U SEE HER COME BACK,,YOUR WIFE WILL HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN HAVING HER MUM VISIT EVERY NOW AND THEN OR LIVE HAPPILY WITH HER HUSBAND,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,

Doskie
initially when i read your story, i felt a level of grief and anger because i tried to imagine being in your position. But after reading your responses to various intelligent suggestion, I'm tempted to say that my anger is directed to you. You are tolerating it and complaining at the same time. If you really need it to stop, show a stance. Like a man, let them know how serious you are. Go and rent another place and threaten to start a new family somewhere, tell them you have somewhere else and that every time she comes around, you will go there. Tell them you cant be there alone for too long and that you will install a woman there with whom you can spend quality time in peace without supervision or interference from her mom. Gradually your wife will learn to choose between her marriage and her mums compliance with your rules. This is not Time to act like a wall flower. Stand out like a man and make your voice determine the activities around you. One last thing mr; you were wrong when you said all this started shortly after the marriage. No! For benin we say “na from clap dem take dey enter dance" you probably have been showing signs all along that you are always willing to compromise and accept standards provided by others. They are only working with the information you provided them with.

MrOreo
@dynamite11, from what I ve deduced so far, your wife can't handle the situation Infact she loves it. So next time your MIL comes visiting, after spending the weekend and she's leaving, tell wifey to go with her mum and stay with her to her heart's content, when she's ready to stay married she should come back. Mean it when u say it.... you need @least a month or more of privacy with your family..... "4 is a crowd" Can u imagine MIL wan go dubai too, hope you took her along for ur honeymoon??


Some opinions are very funny but u have to give them a try if u want to regain ur sanity. keep us posted on the outcome(s).
Wish u luck.

oluwafreshkid:
you defied the odds of this buhari economy and popped the question. Big ups man!

Go traditional. You can never go wrong in white, add a blue cap.

Composure? You should be used to a part of her family already na, be it siblings or mother.
Don't famz the dad o, cos he ain't happy that you're nacking his daughter.

Don't wear matching outfits with ur fiancee. No gallas or any funy haircuts. And don't do touch touch, we are Africans ooo.

Don't talk politics ooo... the father maybe APC. Lol.

Be confident, sharp and clean. Be matured.

The best advice I have ever seen on nairaland. Witty, classic and good advice.
Oluwafreshkid keep it up

Op, he has said it all.

but the flag make sense o, lol.

akara,

can you pls name some of the apps becos I'm currently teaching my children about the planets, so, will like to know more about the apps.

Welldone guys, God bless all your hussles.

True talk Reno. I am in full support of this your write-up. This brings to mind this meme I saw on facebook; heaven is beautiful, hell is hot, ladies would you rather be beautiful or hot?

Let's stop sexualizing everything and stop imitating the whites. What is good is good and what is bad should be termed bad.

see question

[quote author=Elparaiso



1. Celebrity ish should be 10%
2. Politics (Im not counting Bruce Murray, he is part of celebrity) should be 30%
3. Educational articles should be 20%
4. In love with my ex| My housegirl is seducing me| she wants me to dump my aunt| and other NOLLYWOOD SCRIPTS should be 5%
5. Jokes should be 15%
6. Literature should get 10%
7. Sports ( especially Arsenal ) should be 10%

Seun, Lalasticlala pls take note of the above suggestion

I love the concept of the bouquet than the shoe. I love this better than the ones that include it in their pictures, that is usually creepy to me.

yes

Area,
I just dey laugh as I dey read this thread. Meeeeen, Wafi, correct no be small. Anyway sha, ogoro must jump. Wafi, I dey hail o.

You are so beautiful. l guess part of why they abused you was because U are more beautiful than them.
Let it go girl and have a blast living your life fill with fun and happiness, that will be the best revenge.

This is what we need in our society, true compassion and to be our neighbour's keeper. God bless and reward you for your kindness.

she was not sad, her eyes and that of her husband was closed for prayers. Look at the pic very well again.

she was not sad, her eyes and that of her husband was closed for prayers.

Nigerians can talk sha, see how much we dey spend for phone calls monthly, billions of Naira, more than two hundred billion in a month. Details below

Out of the over 180 million Nigerians in the country, 146 million of them are active subscribers and they spend about N212 billion on calls every month, LEADERSHIP investigations have revealed.

The findings were arrived at using the current active mobile subscriptions in the country and the subsisting Average Revenue Per User (ARPU), the financial performance benchmark in the telecoms industry that measures the average monthly revenue generated by operators from telecoms subscribers, for Nigeria.


Going by the latest statistics released by the telecoms regulatory body, the Nigerian Communications Commission (NCC), active telephone lines in the nation telecommunication industry stood at 146, 561. 744 by May 2015.

According to data released by industry leading operators, ARPU in Nigeria telecoms market is estimated at around $6 (N1, 452), given the foreign exchange rate at N242. LEADERSHIP investigation revealed that with an ARPU of N1,452 and a subscriber base of 146 million, Nigeria telephone users now pay an estimated N212 billion monthly in accessing telecom service, especially calls making.


Similarly, the commission revealed that no fewer than 88.13 million Nigerians currently browse the Internet on telecom networks in the country. The commission
monthly Internet subscriber data for the month of May showed that there was an increase of 1,131,775 (one million, one hundred and thirty-one thousand, seven hundred and seventy-five) internet users on the GSM networks in May.


leadership.ng/news/451362/nigerians-spend-n212bn-on-phone-calls-monthly

www.newsfrnigeria..ru/2015/08/n212-billion-spend-on-phone-calls.html?m=1

moi

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thanks

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