₦airaland Forum

JehovahShalom1:
As I presume you are a man, therefore, take good care of ur wife. It is not easy for any woman to leave her people to get glued to u for life.

2. Marriage comes with its own challenges, whenever they come, ur leadership ability wld be put to test. The situation in ur home reflects ur leadership trait.

3. Forgiveness, patience & Understanding in marriage are greater than love. QED.

4. Never allow the third party in your marriage. Its is not always about who is right.

5. Above all, love ur wife. That's the greatest gift and assurance u can give her.

6. Conjugal Bliss!

@OP, please always remember to keep No. 3-5 in your heart always. Also, remember that the husband is the head of the home and the wife is the heart of the home (culled from an old African proverb).

DrJoe1:
something is really missing between you and your wife - communication! .......and I bet my 2months salary there is more to the story ...

. I quite agree with you. There is more that meets the eye in this story. In proper African settings, if communication is good, wives most times always tell their husbands when and sometimes, why her family members are coming, especially if its an organized visit.

[quote author=Ideagatesauto post=28408444]Available[/qu


I am upping my price to 1.750mil. Any deal?

Ideagatesauto:
Available

Can it go for 1.7 mil?

[quote author=Ideagatesauto post=26291404]This very neat toks 2003 lexus rx300 comes with the following :

Hi-tech v6 engine
Auto tranny
Formica grain finish
Very accident free
Rear AC vents and climate control
Dual climate control
Genuinely leather interior
Fog lamps
Clean title
Very low mileage
Nice neat grey leather interior
Very chilling ac with dual climate control
All terrain 4 wheeler
ABS
Power steering
Sweet alloys
Clean title
Perfect exterior( non scratched)
Sound tyres
Very lucid display
And lots more

Price is 1.850million negotiable

Call 08039309096 for inspection and negotiation[

Can it go for 1.7 mil?

rationalmind:
And one wonders why men cheat? Who will get married to this type of lady and not cheat?

I only asked a simple question. How did you know those men are faithful?

What do I get as an answer? Ooh, you're a dog, continue in your doggish ways, keep reasoning with your d1ck.

Just to show you your foolishness, do you realise I'm yet to say all men cheat?

All I wanted to show was, the testimony of a few men here which cannot be verified is not enough to come to this conclusion



I'm out. I barely have time to converse with those whose armour is to insult when they have nothing intelligent to say.

@rationalmind, please do not get too worked up. NL is a forum were everyone can learn new things from real life experiences of others. You actually have a valid point in your line of arguement and thoughts. And you need a basis and facts to be able to establish your line of thoughts too as regards the claims made by 'some men' of not indulging in infidelity. But unfortunately, the basis and facts you need to establish and firm up your arguement and line of thoughts may not be available on NL because its a social internet and faceless forum. But again, as a parable...'you can not break and throw away all the eggs in a crate just becuase only one egg is rotten'.....Marital fidelity doubts among so many is a direct result of societal moral degredation. Believe it rationalmind, a lot of men have have never cheated on their spouse!

rationalmind:
Yes, I'm asking you.

How do you know these men aren't lying?

How did you arrive at this?

@ rationalmind, I think i understand your line of thoughts on the facts and basis you are trying to establish on claims of some men on NL not cheating on their spouses. But the basic and real truth is that there are a lot of men who have NEVER cheated on their wives since they got married. Marital fidelity is very possible, workable and achievable.

cutiesoglam:
Pls to d men in d house how thru is dis from a man's perpective?. And d women inhouse , do u think u can understand dis pyshcology of thinking with ur husband?
P.S: not all men r cheats. Some women r worst.

Please ma'am, NEVER believe all these cock and bull stories about all men having side chicks and main babe. Whoever wrote that still has a lot of growing up to do and do not understand what real life commitment and responsibility is all about. Not all men cheat. There are a lot of good men out there who seriously frown at cheating. Its so unbelievable how cheating is now accepted as a standard in relationships. This is an avenue to call on parents to always impart sound moral values in their children, while at the same time show good moral examples to them.

babygirlfl:
This section needs responsible men like you but we understand you are busy.

Thank you ma'am for compliments. I will do my best to visit NL more. NL is blessed with a lot of men and women filled with wisdom and sound mind in marital affairs. Marriage is the best gift God bestowed on mankind. Marriage was not an institution created by mistake. The almighty knew what he was doing when he created every living thing male and female. It was a mathematical equation that was absolutely correct and balanced. But we live in a world that has come to accept infidelity, polygamy, divorce as its moral code (please, meant no harm to those who are divorced) as its moral code, as as a result, infidelity and associated vices will continue to reign supreme in a lot of marriages. We all have to go back to the basics and start entrenching a rich and sound moral codes in our homes. 'Charity begins at home', and if the home fails, the society fails. If we have well brought up kids, boys and girls with sound moral values, then we shall have in future, responsible men and women with unwavering moral principles, who can wage war on marital vices on all fronts.

bukatyne:
@Italics, Thanks

@Bold: It is not my thread O! However, the question always play in my head. We have 3 trending cheating threads. Take a look at them.

Sorry for replying late. Was caught up with tight schedule. I have seen quite a lot of cheating threads and may not be able to comment on all because of time. But i will appreciate if you can pin-point one thread to comment on. I am sorry for making you do this....lol.

bukatyne:
Oga, I don catch you

See my post below:



I want an answer now

Lol. Not entirely true in my own case. I do comment occassionally on marital issues, but do not frequent NL due to time factor. But i understand your take on this...lol. Kudos to you on your effort on this thread.

obongproff:
I believe der are still some married men out der dat are faithful to dia wives, or some dat were not faithful but hav now become faithful. Its totally impossible for ALL married men to be cheats.

To dis end, I therefore open dis thread. So dat d faithful married men in d house can come and share dia experiences. We wd like to know how d faithfulness journey has been so far - u can gist us abt d temptations, d challenges, d konjications, and all dat. Dis will really go a long way to encourage some of us who plan to be faithful to our future wives.

so, any faithful married man in d house?

For more than a decade of marital bliss, i have never cheated on my baby. She is da bomb and rocks my world! 'Baby, i just can't wait for our xmas vacation....'

Daresh:
The OP has frustrated his wife with his cheating ways that's why she is cursing him. He will now act like he's innocent and she's insane. Below is a thread he opened in July stating his wife was insulting him

https://www.nairaland.com/1826230/wife-wishing-me-dead

She probably wishes him dead for the pain he has caused her and is probably still causing her.

@OP, After reading the thread above, i am tempted to ask you : How old are you?. You cheated on your wife and probably never appologised or try to make it up to her, and you are on NL raising alarm on the curses she placed on you?!! Frankly speaking, you deserve some spanking and a re-orientation of what marriage is all about and also how to take care of a woman.

Tadeus:
Good morning Nairalanders

Good morning sir, Please i will like to know if the new tarrif being proposed by the government will affect the price of cotonu cars from next year?

exebi:
Brothers and sisters,

Please pray for me. I am HURTING - VERY MUCH SO. I need His wisdom, guidance, direction and strength.

Please pray for me.

Thank you.

@OP, i have been following your story from inception and i must admit that you are indeed passing through a lot. Though, i wish your wife could give her own side of the story, it still will not erase the fact that she has gone too far. Women are generally emotional beings, and are moved by what they hear. To every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Assuming your wife was not like this before when you guys dated and eventually got married, then she must be reacting to something and that if that is the case, you have to find out what she is reacting to. But for now, concentrate on trying to make a more stable income for yourself, also try to develope 'thick skin' on her tantrums and overlook most of her insults. Her insults will only weigh you down if you don't overlook it. Always believe in yourself and God. Always remember that you are never a failure or frustrated man unless you wholeheartedly accept failure and frustration.

babygirlfl:
We need more happily married men in the family section. I am calling out married men in happy marriages specifically because the mix in this section seem to have a lot of every other group and very little of them. We have teenage boys and girls, we have single men and women and happily married women but seem to have very little happily married men.

What do you think?

I must commend you on your thoughtfulness in bringing up such topic on family section. Indeed, a lot of single men and women do not know what it takes to build and maintain peace in a home. Quite a lot of them think marriage is a 'zoom-in-and-zoom-out' thing.

I have been on marital bliss for a reasonable ammount of time and years and its been wonderful for me and my only baby (wifey). With her always wrapping me up, its LG (Life's Good)....lol

earthplus:
you can do better

What year is it and mileage? Can it go for 2.4m?

rosisi: [/color][color=#000099]I am from the Northern part of nigeria while my boyfriend is from the southern part.We met in 2011 during youth service in Abuja.I had been staying with my sis and he comes to visit me.But after sometime I noticed my sis and my family members did not like him,they said he will not be able to marry me cos he does not have a job and I do not knw when he will be able to have a job.I finished my youth service some months before him and I got a job with a company after 3 months of concluding my NYSC. Iam 32 years old now,while my guy is 27.My sis and I fell out of relationship and she asked me to leave her house because she did not want my relationship with my guy.so I decided to park out and went in to stay with my guy,at this time he had finishd his NYSC and we joined hands to take a house in one of the villages in the FCT.we kept supporting each other,although I did much of the spending cos I was the one working.we later got jobs by 2012 though my salary was 4 times more than his own.he told his parents about me.we decided to go to theregistry since we were staying together so that we can be more committed.only our close friends knew about the wedding.He decided to see my mom in the village and he was accepted.after 8 months he went to his parents to tell them that he is planning to marry me,and they objected and said we are not strong yet,that we shud wait for another year,but he shud bring me to them first.so in about 4 months to the time we were planning he took me to his parents and they wellcomed me well.But this time around his dad told me that he still wants us to be strong again and wait for the next 2 years before we do the wedding.his parents were aware that I have been supporting him financially,he is currently doing his MSc and I even bought a car in his name,but hi parents thought he got it on his own.The location of my job is in the core north,but most of the time I come to stay with him.we had decided to take a better house if we were getting married by december as we scheduled but the money was going to come from me since I earn more,cos he doesn't really have savings cos of his MSc, his car and he sends money for his parents when they demand from him to make them feel that he is strong enough to marry even when it doesn't feel comfortable.my problem now is dat iam not getting younger and iam skeptical about bringing out huge money to take ahouse with these shifting of the wedding,cos I don't knw if the wedding can take place or not.My guy does not want to argue with his parents so that they don't think iam rushing him.while my ppl feel he is deceiving me by shifting the wedding dates.I need advice on weither or not to spend my money and take the house now,and wait for him till that time to marry or I shud jst quit and start another relationship.thou I love him very much.but he promised me that if by the two yrs his parents still decide to shift it he will tell them about the court wedding and get me pregnant cos I will be 35 yrs by then.pls I need advice.What do I do?

A man who is led by the dictates of his parents and can't stand his grounds as regards his marital future is never a full grown man....just my opinion.

omoyeme200: I now work with a blue chip company. Still no improvement.

@OP, its good to hear you now have a good job. Kudos! Now that you make good money, always make sure that your wifey's allowances (or upkeep) is given to her regularly. If possible increase it. Irrespective of what she has put you through in the past and present, buy a lovely gift for her and on presenting this gift to her, thank her for all the support and encouragement she gave to you when you were out of job and also appologise for the stress your being out of job put the family through. Profess your love for her. If possible, don't try to bring up issues relating to her present attitude so as not to spoil the moment....there is no harm if u kneel while presenting the gift to her, just like you are proposing to her...lol. However, if after doing all these she is still adamant, then begin to give her some space, coldness, avoid eating her food, play and concentrate on the kids, take the kids out alone without her, pretend as if she does not exist in the house, but dont contemplate divorce. Continue this way for some time and see what happens. If she appologises in the end, then accept her back and put necessary measures for things like this never to occur again. But if she does not appologise, ignore her completely and focus more on your kids. I have a feeling that this phase she is in at the moment will gradually pass away. In the midst of all these, never starve her of her upkeep or allowances.

omoyeme200: I have been married for approximately 8 years now and have 2 kids. From the start I never had married on my mind because of what I saw in my own parents they were not very happy until I met my wife who changed my orientation about marriage and we fell in love with her because she gave me a new meaning and reason to go on in life which I really appreciate and love, we courted for 6 years and we married.

The problem actually started when I lost my job I noticed a very big change in her character and every time I talk her or discuss about it she tells me am overreacting or nagging its because I lost my job and I just kept to myself bottling every thing up on the inside. We tried going into business but it was not meeting up with our daily up keep so we opted that she gets a job. She then changed rapidly I seem to irritate her on everything I do, when i compliment on what to wear (because we do that for each other in which I don't object I just do as she says) she will say am not the only one looking at her she will wear what she feels like which actually is not the issue here, she comes back late from work, she talks to anyhow without giving me regard then it was like I was living in hell didn't know how to communicate because she will say am just nagging.

I am not saying am a saint or anything I have girls before I got married and my wife was a "good girl" so to speak that was why I fell for her and I put all my cards on the table and never hid anything from her and what I did. But what I have seen and all indication she wants to start rocking life while been married and leaving home with telling or giving me any regard.

The crux of the matter is that when i noticed all this I became inquisitive about what she did, she stated having late night calls and justifying it too from a colleague at work which she called him a small boy and even text message I saw which I find very offensive and what made matters worse was that I came across her conversation with her ex-boy friend who was in UK talking about how life would have been if they ended up together, insulted me with the boy friend that that am being over possessive, made plans of divorce in-case the marriage did not workout with me (which is still eating me up) because she already have a plan B for me, telling themselves they are somehow dating. How do I trust someone who is making a plan B for me when am not away or incapacitated or even considering divorce.

At that point that was the height of impunity in our marriage which she has exhibited and I would not condone it and it broke my heart, for I thought my wife was "innocent" and if I had not been sensitive it would have degenerated to something else with her face book lover. I cannot come to terms right now because of the high esteem that I placed her and my genuine love for her she made rubbish of. If she was not hurting then I would have ignored them saying she was fooling around. Everywhere I go I see the conversations of the Facebook in my head and killing me. At first she doesn't seem to agree that she has done something wrong since she hasn't slept or gave her body but I told her she was having emotional affair and depleting our love bank and giving it out to someone else and have created a very mighty vacuum for us and the most annoying aspect is that she is making excuses for them.

I cannot do anything am so confused she has begged me but the way I used carry her in high esteem around my friends is not there anymore, I feel she has deceived me because this things I never expected or imagined her doing all this am seeing. Am heart broken i feel nothing for her am praying to God to help me love her once again but not I don't even feel anything even when i make love to her. It would have been better I married a bad girl and never expected anything than for me to marry a good girl and get my hopes shattered. Lately we had a heated argument said am caging her and majority of her friends are guys that i should go out and get friends and she feels no remorse all because I have stop her movements and gradually pushing me away, her heart and mind is so distant from me.

Please am I over reacting over nothing because I have this gut feeling she is having an affair but she denies it all and she has changed for the worse.

Help me am so confused.

@OP, Quite a touching story. However, it would have been nice to hear from your wifey's version because 'it takes two to tangle', especially as she was not like this initially. But practically speaking, try and get a job first so that you can take care of your family well and then the healing and reconciliatory process will follow. Being the man of the house, you are supposed to provide for your family. So, try and calm down at the moment, then start job hunting so that you can start earning money.

ademlabi: Good Morning NLers.

Hello sir, please how much can land a 2005 toyota highlander V6 4WD limited, 2005 lexus RX330 and 2005 lexus ES330?

onegig: ^^^^@ROLLING... And i hope you don't pray for "death from STIs" to happen to that enemy of yours.

Yes divorce is hard but i guess you saw where she wrote continous infidelity. We have read on here numerous examples of husbands infecting their wives with HIV, herpes etc and going behind their backs to take treatment while leaving the wife to die. I guess that's fair to the kids also in your dictionary.


@op. You are the one that knows where it pinches and hurt most. For you to have come to this decision shows you value your personal happiness a lot. Good luck with it. I just wish you have that family cushion to help you through it. Never been married let alone being a divorcee so i don't know how it feels. But all i can say is you need the emotional help and support of your family more than ever before also it won't hurt to start looking at different options and work opportunities that would sustain you for the journey ahead.

@onegig....i think you misunderstood me out of context....

@OP, i have read through an old thread you opened sometime ago: "trapped-loveless-marriage" . Going by what you wrote on that thread, I must admit that it must have been quite tough and emotionally draining for you. i salute your courage and tenacity in the whole process for hanging on till now. You are indeed a woman with a large heart. It was quite obvious and unfortunate,from what explained, that your hubby married you just to get a permanent stay permit. Sometimes, its so painful to see quite a handful of male folks (and some female folks too) put their lives and the lives of others on the line doing things like these and damning the consequences. This goes to show high level of moral decadence in the society we live in.
But looking at from different perspective too, you had the warning signs before you jumped into the marriage. You ignored it. I can also understand why you overlooked some of the warning signs. It showed you loved with your heart. Despite the fact that i am anti-divorce, i strongly despise and condenm cheating, domestic violence, all forms of emotional and psychological toture in its strogest terms. You are very well within your rights to either institute divorce or not. Speaking from the christian point of view, there are basis for both and you will be correct chosing any. But, as you go through all these, try as much as you can to limit the impact of divorce on your kids. Its going to be difficult, but with God all is possible. As for life after divorce, its only God that can give true happiness irrespective of any advice you get from anybody. Go closer to him and you will get complete happiness and healing from the impact of divorce.

forgotusername: Wow you appear to be making a lot of assumptions here. What makes you think i rushed into the marriage and certainly that i am rushing out of it? Do you think as 30 something year old God fearing woman with kids i make the decision of dissolving my marriage lightly without even trying? Do you think i choose to raise my beautiful children as a single parent? SERIOUSLY

You must know that something terrible must have driven me to this point. So please do not make assumptions or judge.

@OP, from the 'sound' of your write-up above, its obvious you have been seriously hurt, still hurting and in emotional pains. i really sympathise with you for what you are passing through. However, its obvious too that you have decided to call it quits with your marriage, irrespective of any attempts by anyone at this point, to help profer a solution. In otherwards, your divorce decision is final and definite! So i suppose any relevant attempts or advice to salvage the marriage at this point is indeed furtile. But have one thing at the back of your mind while your divorce proceedings goes on; and that is the huge emotional, psychological, and may be, spiritual impact it will have on you and most especially, your kids. Divorce is never an easy thing to go through. Its like a healed injury on one's body that leaves a visible scar. I won't even pray for my enemy to go through any divorce.

forgotusername: I am separated and heading for a divorce. I would like to hear from people who are already divorced perhaps reasons that led them to divorce, if they are comfortable sharing. I would also like to know how one gets over this...... it's so hard

Can one lead a good quality life after a divorce?

@OP, i may not know why you are heading for a divorce, but is it the last marital solution for you? Can't there be a 'gentleman's understanding' settlement? I am anti-divorce, but i think you may elaborate a little on what lead to your separation to the extent of heading for a divorce. There are a lot of good and experienced men and women here on NL who can offer great help and excellent advice.

Blockus: OP...


I cant get past losing 2 Million Naira in your first business deal even with 7 years experience.. It may truly be a spiritual problem cos most people who lose such monies in business are those who go into business blind.

I think you should go get a 9 - 5 job and go back to the drawing board to figure out where you went wrong.

i slightly disagree with you. loosing money does not necessarily mean going into the business world blind. sometimes, your real business experience comes with some losess. Quite a handful of people believe that doing business is a sure route to financial emancipation, but business itself is an educational and lifetime strategic process whereby the the businessman gets better and more experienced with each transactions and business dealings. In business, you win some, you lose some. When you win some, you become more daring, courageous, strategic and more of a risk-taker. When you lose some, you re-strategise, re-organise, re-calculate the risks involved and review all unfavourable situations with a view of making them favourable.

@OP, building a business from the scratch requires a lot of 'balls and guts'. It is like swimming in an ocean without knowing the beginning and the end of the ocean. It requires a lot of sacrifices, unquantifiable faith and belief in God and your abilities. Also, if you are/were in a paid regular job, do not be in a haste to leave the job untill your business is solid to a reasonable extent, such that the proceeds can make you not to touch your salary for at least one year or more. As your business grows and becomes more establised, you gradually withdraw from paid employment.

At the moment, you can try and partner with any of your business friends in future deals pending when you will make some gainful recorvery. Partnering with your former boss in any future business deals may not be a bad idea, with both of you having a 'sharing formula'. However, in any partnership, try to make an offer that your potential partner will hardly refuse so as to make him/her to be more commited in seeing the deals materialise. Never mind if you offer a bigger portion of the 'sharing formula' to your partner. Remember also that if business is not your calling in life, your hustles may turn out to become 'long suffering'. You need to tap into the network of the almighty to get these revelation. Sometimes, its what we want and not what God wants.

chaircover: My dear, there is nothing too big for a knife to cut.
This is your life here, if you cant explain it to faceless internet Nigerians, then how can you explain it to him? and if you cant explain it to him, how then can he make amends if applicable?

If you say what he is doing wrong/what the problem is, then maybe some people will be able to advise you how to go about it/say to him

Whatever it is needs to be fully addressed before you marry him.

@OP, listen to chaircover on what she said above and answer her question.

lomomike: My RX had all optional extras installed except the 'AIRS' so I don't know if Kubwa Mech's can work on such. For cars with the Mark Levinson system, they come with 11 speakers, but mine have 8 speakers (JBL is used in highlanders limited trim) without mid dashboard section subwoofer (because of the navigation screen) and the sound produced is more than adequate. The mark levinson version is one entertainment/audio system that produce very rich accurate notes with ASL 'automatic sound leveller' (my audio have the ASL) which automatically adjust speaker volumes and notes with respect to vehicular speed and wind interference.
Navigation only covers America, Canada and I think Mexico but not too sure.

thanks so much mike. your analysis and answers have really helped. Please, i will be coming to you for more enquiries on any RX330 related issues as time goes on. i tried getting your contact via email but yahoo has blocked my inbox.

lomomike: RX330 is good, very good, so is highlander because besides all the gizmos, glitz and glamour, its still a highlander same engine, same transmission, same fuel tank, same chassis and platform but much more electricals, sensors and 'effizy' or swag. Their parts are interchangeable, but some RX330 specific parts are more expensive to fix because its a premium vehicle and Highlander is a mid-class vehicle. Anyone who is able to fix a toyota camry, can fix a highlander and can also fix an RX330 because RX330 is still a Highlander, and a highlander in turn is just a bigger, taller and heavier camry.

For wifey, if she's a workerholic, always hauling big loads in her boots, always on the move and doesn't care about class or is conscious of paying more for a RX330, she is good to go with a highlander the biggest let down for RX330 is the sloping rear hatch/door. But if she's very careful and highly conscious of maintenance schedules, yet willing to pay more for parts she can go for RX330. Avoid Hybrid highlander and hybrid RX330 (RX400h)

Thanks a lot mike, i really appreciate this. But one more question, can Abuja Kubwa toyota mechanics handle repairs on air suspension of the RX330 ? Also, i have heard some RX330 owners have little complain about the navigation. Does the navigation work in any nooks and crannies of Nigeria? How is the performance of the Mark Levinson sound system as compared to the JBL premium sound system?

HOTARIO: Good deal. Call 08063366949

Sir, if i drop 2.5mil, will it fly?

lomomike: @Op, what do you really look for when you wish to go for a car, what are your definition of needs, wants and 'unwants' in a car?
You'd get confused by the time I bring down the review of a range trust me, if you know what you want, you could easily fine tune your search and narrow down to the car that covers your needs and wants.

@lomomike, sir please based on your vast experience with lexus RX330, what will be your advice for either RX330 2005 model or toyota highlander V6 4WD limited 2005 model, being an everyday family commuter, especially for wifey? Is RX330 very expensive to maintain? Can you recommend a good mechanic in Kubwa Abuja that can handle RX330 repairs very well.

Tadeus: Make your inquiries today

Welldone sir. i have been following you and the excellent services you have been rendering to your customers. i will soon become one of your customers. You are very sincere in your answers to most enquiries made by propective car buyers. kudos.

Jarnik: it can't fly for that price

How about 2.3 mil?