₦airaland Forum

Rozz:
When I get married and my husband dare such(God forbids),i will leave him and never look back.I can't stand such betrayal and whatever love I may have for him will be instantly gone.Nonsense all because of sex.

Wait first till you get married

mrblessed:
What kind of confusionist are you? You should be aware that there are people reading this post and making observations, even if they decide not to comment. The young man specifically asked you what part of Anambra state are from? You couldn't answer, instead you waffled "Peter Obi/Soludo side" gibberish. Perhaps these are the famous names you know that are from Anambra.

Since you are so ashamed to state where you come from, you don't have the right to miseducate people. Peter Obi and Soludo do not hail from the same side in Anambra, not the same local government or even senatorial district. While Solude is from Aguata LGA in Anambra South Senatorial District, Peter Obi is from Agulu in Anaocha LGA, in Anambra Central Senatorial District. The question remains, where are you from?

I don't even understand that woman, just to say where she's from and she sent me on a wild goose chase. I really need to know the place in Nigeria where a man will be forced to accept his wife's lovechild from infidelity by his kinsmen.

It is just too unbelievable to be believable.

Hathor5:
So if I can afford to take care of the child by myself, I can bring it. Ok, good to know.

I missed this until I saw cococondy riding on things she doesn't understand as usual. From my first post, I already stated that if a woman agrees to be financially responsible for her lovechild with at least 90% contribution,then yes I'm up for it. I don't even want to be the one paying the child's school fees.
The reason I said that is because I know that there is no single Nigerian woman who will agree to this arrangement because you all like a man to be the one doing more financially, so then she is left with the only choice of going back to who impregnated her or just exiting the marriage.

That my condition is for women to arrive at one conclusion and that is to bounce.

Think.

ibkayee:
It's a horrible thing to go through, I can't be bothered to list why accepting it is difficult, it's pretty self-explanatory, anyone would find it hard...

The issue is despite it being so hard to them, why do a good portion of them so flippantly expect their wives to handle it any better

This was already broken down by a lot of people like pdudd, bukatyne,rockstarB, acidosis, and others. at least go through the pages. There are very different situations involved overall.many moving parts.

Summarizing the reason as just entitlement or ego is too oversimplified for an analytical Maya Angelou.

ibkayee:
Lol I answered the way I wanted and you'll be alright

Okay, so in your opinion why do men find it hard accepting children their wives had from infidelity?

bukatyne:
Ok, it means beautiful / beauty.

Really? I assumed it was just an exclamation. Thanks

ibkayee:
You word choices are essentially the reason why the thread exists in the first place, I'm responding to the foundation your words set

If I want to also engage in dialogue with other contributors, that's different

You like to dwell.
Some other contributors were able to overlook my word choices and personal reasons and then went on to offer up good reasons outside finance or me believing it is a man's right to bring in a lovechild. There is no need to analyse specific words, sentences, and the foundations they set when there's a larger point to be seen. you're not Maya Angelou.

sassysure:
U should have googled him na.

Okay, Onitsha. I have people I can ask then.
The idea that a husband must accept a child his wife bore from her infidelity is very hard to believe.

sassysure:
Peter obi/ Soludo side.

Where in Anambra exactly? I just know Peter Obi is from Anambra.

sassysure:
It's the tradition actually.
He has to accept the child but he can send the wife home. Normally, cases like this are resolved. Wife will eventually come back. Her people will come and beg. Serious begging and appeasing.
We have received kids from asaba into our extended family. The father, a married man with 5 kids live in Germany while his kids and wife are in the village. I don't know if he is aware of those kids before or not.
A boy and a girl. The wife just accepted the kids as hers. They came at age 7 and 10 and they call the wife mummy like her children yet they still have their mummy in asaba. They go on school holiday to stay with their mum and her family. So as the wife accepted those kids, a man should accept such from his wife also though it's not a frequent occurance.

Wow, you're saying the man must accept his wife's lovechild I have never heard of it before. Which part of Igbo are you from

rockstarB:
You can edit your post before it gets to front page

I have done so

sassysure:
I don't know about other parts of igboland o in my side, this is a no go area. Also, we hardly divorce. Actually, we don't divorce. Its the family that will divorce you guys traditionally when your case is extreme e.g., u are a killer, u panel beat your spouse etc, they always have your medicine no matter how bad and far gone you are. If it's a man who panel beat his wife, her people or his people will give him a dose of his medicine and her family will take their daughter and kids away from him. U are forbidden from marrying again. And u will be heavily fined. If u have repented and your conduct is accepted by all and sundry, u will start wooing your wife afresh. All through the time she is with her people, u will never fail in your obligations to your family. And if the women came for your case, sorry will be your last name.

It's working for them actually. Help in keeping the execcess of spouses in check.

Which part of Igbo land are you from please?

sassysure:
Actually, i have thought deep about this case. Yes, the child is acceptable to the family if the man decides otherwise in my place.
The same way children born out of wedlock solely belong to the woman irrespective of who the father is. The family opposite my house in the village had a case like this.
They had 4 kids. Then wifey got pregnant like 12 yrs after the last. News started flying around. Wifey had before stopped the husband from touching her but has a secret boyfriend. So when she got pregnant, she came to her husband but his brothers are already aware and told the man toreject her advances. She was exposed but the man refused to divorce her. She gave birth to a very beautiful baby girl. This man loved this girl more than all his kids. The father is from.the neborhood but has no claim on that child as long as the man is still married to the woman. Actually, as long as you are married, any child you have while married irrespective of who the father is belong to the husband.

We don't reject children at all and we quickly integrate them into the family.
Anybody reading this and say yes will know where i came from instantly.
I dont know how other parts of my tribe does theirs.

The first post I made is a general post but I have narrowed it down to how it is done in my place

A man who gives a woman belle married or not don't get to get ownership of that child. The only exception is when she is still single and the man marry her with the belle. Weird and funny at the same time.
Our tradition and culture protects the female more than the male and we are in Nigeria

And all of that is contingent on the man accepting the child, is it not?

If that man had refused to accept the child, will his kinsmen force it on him?

ibkayee:
I'm not focusing on debating which one is 'easier'

There's a difference between it being easier and 'acceptable', OP claimed that the man has the right to bring the child in just because he has money. The entitlement and double standard agenda is clear, the fact that he dismissed the importance of the role of the mother was the cherry on top

If you take a moment to move past my word choices & sentences and maybe just try to explain why it's easier for women to accept a lovechild as opposed to men, you will begin to see what the OP is about.

Forget about me using finances as my reason. Lots of other people have brought up other reasons besides finance but you're stuck on my word arrangement.

Acidosis:
Are you asking whether I can accept a bastard and a cheating mother/wife? Are you normal @OP?

This is a very stup!d question to be honest.

Why won't you accept it in comparison to why it's easier for a woman to accept it? This is the purpose of the thread and not the question of just accepting it itself.

It's the why.

rockstarB:
Money isn't enough. And my stance still remains that it is easier for a man to raise his love child outside marriage than a woman, and this is the reason a woman will pin the child on the man in the first instance.
...a man gets a woman pregnant outside marriage
...he tells his wife about it and she insist on not being a part of the babys life, neither does she wants the child in their home.
...the man gets back to his babymama and raises the child outside his home.

Let's assume the same scenario for a woman
...she gets pregnant for a man outside her marriage.
...tells her husband about it and he insist on not being a part of the babys life, neither does he want the child in their home.
...the woman gets back to the baby daddy... realistically if this happens, who is in a more favourable situation to raise a love child outside a marriage? A marriage in which the other partner doesnt want to be a part of the baby's life.
Infidelity is bad, but the result of a love child isn't same for a man and woman.
Neither of the partner should be forced into being a part of a love babys life, like you said it could be traumatizing and also lack of emotional preparedness.

This is a question I should have included in my first post to put the whole thing into perspective and I hope to see answers to it. You understand completely.

Jullima:
Looolll so when a man has a child outside his own child is not a ‘bastar**d’ but a woman’s outside child is a ‘bastar***d’??

Also, so you’re saying children with different father but same mother aren’t siblings but children with same father but different mother are siblings??

If the mother drops her outside child with the father is she still welcomed in the marriage?

Lmfao

Is there such a woman Because this is even the best solution, just as men do with theirs.

bukatyne:
Are you from Akwa Ibom?

No, I just like how it sounds. Apostle Johnson Suleiman also uses the expression a lot when preaching

bukatyne:
I am struggling to understand how your post is in any way connected to mine.

First, I did not mention money in my post; it was very deliberate.
Second, I stated why love children from men are different from love children from women.

By now, you should realize I don't argue theories from thin air or to be woke online.

I have not seen a woman confess about a love child (not one bore before marriage) before. It is either she pins the baby on the husband or aborts it.

Let's even go with your scenario and say a woman confesses a love child while the husband is away for a period of time.

Except you want to be funny, you will acknowledge that the effect of pregnancy on a woman is different from a man.

If the man is back home before she delivers, who will care for her? After she births the baby, who will bear the emotional cost of catering for her and the new born? Who would come to do Omugwo? In which house? Where would the wife nurse the babe? Now talk of the wife getting her body back in shape. Imagine the lover's child left stretch marks on her tummy. So the husband would bear the new body his wife acquired carrying the child of a lover?

Please come back to earth.

As long as a woman bears the responsibility of pregnancy and infant child care, a wife getting pregnant out of an affair WILL ALWAYS BE DIFFERENT from a husband getting a woman pregnant.

Each gender have their 'peculiarities.'

I couldn't have explained this any better than you.

pDudd:
Lol. You know say I must get mouth for the matter.

Very simple, it has to do with returns on investment. We Africans believe that children are investments that will yield returns in our old age.

Investing in another man's child is synonymous with throwing away your resources in the dustbin because such a child isn't yours and therefore will not yield investments to you but towards his biological father. And BTW, Everytime you look at that child, you will be reminded of the woman's infidelity. And the more you are reminded of it, the more you will keep growing in hate.

So in a nutshell, such a child is not a profitable investment to a man.

Daz all.

Thank you. I called you because I know you as someone who despite the fact you live in a western country, you still have very African values.

Thanks for your contribution

Aiyaya, see hidden comments
I can't even follow up and read up all the contributions

Ibadiaran19:
Wives do keep jobs in Nigeria, and the love child also has a father. They will both contribute to the upkeep of their child.

You mean the biological father? Good.

But if the woman decides to raise the child as her husbands,she should contribute more, at least 90%. It's her lovechild.