₦airaland Forum

rockstarB:
Because that child is a disruption to the family tree. A married man that has a child with another woman still gets to maintain his DNA through that child, the child is part of the family tree. It is solely up to the wife to decide whether she wants to be a part of the childs life or not, the man can as well raise the kid with the babymama outside his family. He gets to spend his money on his own child and all that daddy duties.
When a married woman cheats and gets pregnant for another man(if she gets caught), that child is automatically a bastard to the family, a disruption to the family tree. His sisters, brothers, uncles and aunts are not his real relatives.
A married woman that has the courage to get pregnant for another man should use same energy to raise the child with the real family.
Except a man wants to genuinely protect the image of the family, such child should be raised in his real family.
Say no to OMO ALE. Only a woman can bring a bastard to the family. A bastard child never comes through a man.

Thanks for this analysis dear. You have opened my eyes to another angle that has nothing to do with finance and this family tree (DNA) disruption in a patrillineal society like Nigeria is very valid.

angelfallz:
Men find it hard to accept children their wives had from infidelity because:
1. It reminds them of said wife's infidelity
2. It is the duty of a father to provide for the needs of his children, so if the child is not his, why should he accept it
3. The child is not a part of the family, ie the child is not his blood.

Those are the 3 major reasons I can think of.

Thanks for your concise answers and not attacks on my person. Much respect

Kingarthur21:
there is no difference between a love child from a man and woman,both invest(however differently).
You are comparing paternity fraud with a love child to excuse men infidelity.

Why not compare a love child(openly confessed) of a man and also a love child(openly confessed )of a woman...
What is the difference?

Dont tell me cash please, cash is nothing compared to grooming and nurturing a child

An openly confessed lovechild either way, and my opinion still stands.

Anyone can groom and nurture a child as good as the biological mother if you pay them to do it. My mother can do it for my child & my sister or relative can do it too, all free of charge even. But financial provision for a child is not something you can outsource to anyone so yes cash is absolutely more important.

descartes400:
We would very much like you to keep us updated on your condition...since you said you have been undergoing treatment for its reversal secretly...we hope its successful....as per the "the plan" yes its very good to be cautious...it is the rational thing to do...

Thank you bro

doitforyou:
Lol so how does it work?? You bring in a nanny to only care for your love child while your wife attends to other children, while living under one roof??

For a wife who chose to remain married to me, doesn't that mean she has accepted to raise the child?
There is no realistic scenario where a husband will bring a lovechild into his house when madam wants none of it. Someone will die.

My earlier point regarding paying for childcare is when the wife decides to leave. I can very well pay for childcare from anyone. Even my own mother or sister or family member can do it free of charge but who is the man that will do this for a woman and still be the one financially responsible for her lovechild?

bukatyne:
Infidelity with children is different for men & women.

Husband:
A husband cheats and has a kid. He can decide to run a parallel family or bring the kid home if the marriage currently has no kids, no boys etc. The worst he will do is to bring the child home as 'his brother's child or uncle' s child' that is lie about the relationship. At No POINT is the wife deceived that the child is hers.

Wife:
She cheats and gets pregnant. Except the husband has established he is impotent or did not sleep with her during the window, he will automatically assume her child is his. So the husband invests all resources in a child that is not his right from when she is pregnant.

There is also wear and tear that comes from pregnancy and childbirth. So the husband probably ran out at 2am to get Ghana Jollof + Port Harcourt Boli for a child that is not his; he endured all the discomfort and abstained from sex for months for a child not his; the wife's body changed and he had to work with her through it for a child not his; he kept vigil when the baby was ill; he cheered when the baby took her first walk; when he grew his first tooth.

Paternity fraud is the difference between love children of cheating husbands/ wives.

Cc: Romangalactic

Goodness,thank you so much for this breakdown. I don't understand why there are people still finding it difficult to accept that there is a very big difference between a husband having a lovechild and wife having a lovechild.

The intricacies involved, financially big part, are just different. Everyone knows that when a child is not able to eat good food or attend a good school, and he has a father,it is him that will be looked at as useless. Whether the wife contributes financially to the house or not is not an onlookers concern.

CAPSLOCKED:
WITH THREADS LIKE THIS, HE'S ABOUT TO MAKE THE COSTLY MISTAKE OF RAISING ANOTHER PERSON'S CHILD.
IT'S A DIFFERENT THING TO ADOPT AND RAISE A CHILD, OR MARRY A SINGLE MOM. BUT CONTINUING A MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP WITH A CHILD THAT HAS COME THROUGH INFIDELITY IS MADNESS.

I am going to find out if I am the biological father after the child is born. That is the plan

doitforyou:
Money money money.

Let’s get one thing straight first, regardless of what we read and post here on NL, log off, IRL Nigerian women DO contribute financially in their marriages.

Cold cash does NOT raise a child.

If you believe a man shouldn’t raise his wife’s love child then you shouldn’t be okay with a wife raising her husband’s. You money excuse, is just an excuse for double standards.

No man or woman should be blackmailed into raising a love child if they’re not emotional prepared to.

No one is arguing if women contribute financially in marriages or not. Like I said, I am very okay with raising a love child if the financial support on that child from the mother will be at least 90%.

Cold cash does not raise a child you say, but it is very important in raising a child whether you like it or not.
I can very well pay anyone working in childcare to raise my lovechild or even pay (child support) the biological mother of the child to do the raising but who will a wife pay to be financially responsible for her lovechild?

EngrEgghead:
It is because men and ego are 5 and 6, among several things.

You have effectively oversimplified something that is a lot more complex

sisisioge:
Here is how the issue gets treated here in naija...

If a married woman cheats and have a child from it...end of marriage. No debate.

If a married man cheats and have a child from it...well, the rational thing to do is to end the marriage but in reality, there could be a debate on what happens next.

It is well fa.

Yes you're right, but what is the reason behind it? Dont you think finance has a lot to do with it

In Nigeria, it is culturally the responsibility of a husband to be responsible for the financial needs of the children & wards under him. In families where wives are the providers there will definitely be no peace if the situation does not change for a long time.

I had an issue which I brought here sometime back regarding my fiancee and her pregnancy. Thank goodness my doctor allayed my fears regarding her fidelity by confirming that it's possible I am the father.
I know for sure that after she gives birth and I find out I am not the father, I will not accept responsibility for a child I did not father because I don't want to raise another man's child with my money. If I felt the need to do such a thing, I will adopt a child. That's my decision.

Now the matter here is, what if it's a man who got another woman pregnant and wants to bring the child into his family? It's my opinion that he has the right to do so because it is his money that will be used to take care of the child. The role of a mother can be performed by anyone if you pay them to do it and people need jobs, but you can't pay someone to financially provide for a child he did not father.

A wife who has a child from a man other than her husband should get child support from the biological father or just go to be with the man who impregnated her. The other option is to cater for the child's financial provision with at least 90% support if she wants her husband to consider accepting it.

I will like to read opinions from other people here

Plead
Ybaby
Mizwisdom
Pdudd
Risenphoenix
Capslocked
Pansophist
Bukatyne
Mstick
Lalasticlala


Edit: Between a husband and wife, who is in a more favourable/advantageous position to raise their lovechild inside or outside the marriage? With reasons.

Plead:


This one pass me.
Bros @Romangalactic please come and answer oh.

Hehehehe . Was that meant to be an answer?
Simple question,who will be financially responsible for the child of a wife she birth for another man. Is it the wife herself or the husband,and cococandy is writing article on the role of a nursing assistant in oncology department.

cococandy:
Can you imagine accepting kids your wife had for another man after 10 years of marriage because you guys couldn’t have kids together? If you can’t imagine it, then I don’t see why this is too hard for to not imagine as well.

Is it himself or his wife that will be financially responsible for kids she had for another man?

cococandy:
Amazing .

No I ordered from the company itself. Yes they are Italian but they have worldwide presence. So they can actually ship to people all over the world from their warehouses in the countries where you order from. I ordered from their own website. So they shipped from their own warehouse here. Sorry your were disappointed in whatever it was you were trying to achieve . Goodness

I didn’t state that it’s bad. I said I don’t have very high hopes. we will see about that. @bold, I’m assuming that includes you.

Okay cool

cococandy:
Buy from the actual company that makes it.

The actual company is in Italy,so you bought from a distributor in California & not directly from the company. But now you see there are fakes being sold by these distributors (my screenshot) in USA and if that's the case then you prolly got a fake as well, hence you say the wine is not dat good.

Every wine lover knows lamborghini makes some of the best wines sold at the cheapest prices.

cococandy:
True. Sweet champagne is not really a thing. Hence moscatos and sweet red blends are my faves. Definitely not restricted to champagnes.

I like the hard liquors because you can sweetened them up really well when making cocktails. Basically if it tastes nice, I’m down for it.

I’m open minded and I’ll try anything once (except it is downright gross).

Did you know Lamborghini the car makers make wine too? My order just arrived. I’ll try it soon and see what the pomp is all about. (After I finish some open bottles in the fridge).

Try Roberson? And also try Bottega?
Hei. Who send me message? I’ll get back to you if ever try those.

Lamborghini centanni is not $110,not even before discount

merahki:
I am literally falling in love with many Nairalanders these days, for their posts
From so many angles, many, many women, some men, all beautiful, empathetic and intelligent souls. I feel blessed anytime I come across really posts reflecting these qualities. When you see love in posts, you just know. It is accepting and kind and non-judging.
I am becoming Agapelistically or filialistically polyamoral


(That probably makes no sense but it does, to me )

Continue quoting and highfiving yourself kaamisha/monishaa/eghee

Kaamisha:
Her envy and vile is the worst kind. It's masked. I prefer people who openly express their hostility. Cowards like her have different masks for their multifaceted forms of malice. Irony, sarcasm, cutting side remarks, even humor. You know these women who will laugh to your face and then do something behind your back to get to you. That's her kind. The worst. At the end of the day they will say how they are innocent hiding behind their Bible like we don't see her pathetic meanness. To get back to the topic, no fulfilled person acts like that, none.

Now you're quoting yourself. May you find peace

armyofone:
Okay come line for embassy and see if no go carry stick pursue you... no room for comparison due to level and seniority of the almighty $

Now share your own idea of watching movies
without light, biko

Almighty $? Almighty for where ke?

I go instead compare,do level and seniority using Kuwaiti Dinar at N1,200 to 1KWD or $3 to 1KWD. Na dis be real level una Trump pikin dem neva baff

armyofone:
RN with lots of money, class, pose and style - please respect
Cococandy, bring that wine come appease the god galaxy

@ topic
I think for me I will try to make it clear to my kids that what they are about to watch is not real. I will try to pause and discuss scenes- maybe bored them to their rooms
No chasing them away is the right thing to do.

AJ, you are doing well! I hope to learn from you how to raise tween and teen when the time comes

Lots of money and class how? Has Mr.T finished paying back her student loans or the mortgage he took on that Merc & the new crib or are you converting $ to naira equivalent and then using it to level her up to having lots of money . Na wah for nigeiran immigrants

pocohantas:
Some of you overrate yourselves.

Na who never travel dey think say im papa farm big pass...toor!

Who overrates themselves more than you in the whole of Nairaland? Is that not why they call you local champion? I wonder why you never add am to itibolibo & evening newspaper on your profile

cococandy:
At topic, I’d say it depends on the age of the child. All under 16 year old kids aren’t the same. An 8 year old is also under 16 and I’d definitely restrict more from such a kid versus a 14 year old.

What this RN talking about,Must u comment?
Stick to posting food cos tis a bummer trying to chat shyte about things u have no clue about & embarrass yourself. When something is rated 16, it means it's for people above 16 not people under it. An 8 years old child should only be watching things rated family or pg, not even old enough for 13 rated.

What concerns 8 yrs and a 14 or 16 years old before