₦airaland Forum

bibijay123:
Dedicated to jacy67, Colik, Crazygod, eROCK247, room089

Thanks dear!
I'm grateful!

I've not been following for sometime now; I've been busy.

bibijay123:
Like, share and comment.

Bibi you mean that a piece of furniture like sofa in Tomi's family house is more than 60 years old and it's still very functional that one can still sit on it?

bibijay123:
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Please do criticize the write ups.

Bibi how did Tomi come to know that Linda slept with Richie? Remember Linda's face was covered and her bottom raised and ever since that incident occurred, Linda and Richie hadn't spoken to each other.


Who was Linda referring to when she asked Richie, 'was that the little girl you have been fvcking?'

bibijay123:
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Please do criticize the write ups.

Do you actually mean a Vice President or Vice Principal in your story?

Why did you incorporate Black and white TV in the stor? Even as at 5 - 6 yrs ago, it has phased off in most homes. Remember, Tomi's dad has a car which suggested she must have come from a middle class family at least.

Richmond mum asked him to come with Tomi, his girl friend. Why did Richmond compliment Tomi's shabbily dressing when it's obvious she wasn't presentably dressed? Remember Richmond is a neat guy?


I love your work. Keep it up.


Please make sure you do thorough editing before publishing it.

bibijay123:
enigurl
room089
Jumiezie13
rosalieene

I'm here!
I've been a little bit occupied.

bibijay123:
Thank you are u the guy i asked for a review?

No my dear you didn't. I was the one that promised while the story was ongoing. I never wanted to do it in bits that's why I waited till the end. But it was so unfortunate that I couldn't do this immediately the story ended because I was busy with work.

bibijay123:
Like, share and comment.


PS. Please don't quote the whole write up, leave a comment and i will do my best to reply. Thanks.

You laid bare the true picture of a prostitution regime and its consequences.
It' a real food for thought for the discerning minds.
Your story was great!

Permit me to make some criticisms here as I promised:

1. Though someone has already pointed it out: No sane person would reconnect with a lady he abused, raped, lied against and conspired with his family and send her away in the middle of the night about 10 years ago and still go to bed with her that same day. The guilt of the blast of the past won't allow him do that.

2. Mr. Williams accepted Ebere to work as a nanny even on the first day he met with her. I doubt if there is anyone that would accept a lady that came with a car as a nanny in Nigeria.
Remember Ebere and Ify have set up a flourishing restaurant business which would suggest that even if the car was a fairly-used one, it isn't that old and rickety to have deceived or confused Mr Williams.
Prostitutes tend to be too conscious of their dressings and their vehicles. They tend to be up to date in the fashion world and in the maintenance of their vehicles. They are their selling points.
Ebere wasn't an average prostitute. She's of the high class cadre. She boarded flights, slept with a governor and senators. This fashion consciousness doesn't leave them even after they retire. Even if Ebere had decided to disguise herself as a low lifer, by wearing substandard dresses or rags to Mr Williams'. Mr Williams should have smelt a rat seeing her choice of apartment and its furnishings when he visited her for the very first time unannounced.

3. How come Ebere barely concluded her interview with Mr Williams and she was asked to stay with the children. She even prepared a meal for them. I don't think that Mr Williams with all his exposures should have allowed or tolerated such. Though her only restriction was that she would stay with the children till he comes back.

4. How come Mr Williams never divulged or we were never told why that little girl was called Monkey?

5.Someone pointed this out too: How come in all the stories, Ebere lived in Isolation of her family? Even if she hated her parents, did she totally forget her siblings too? Does it mean she can't locate them? Did the family also forget her as well? Couldn't they have located through Madam B that brought her to lagos?

6. You made us understand that Ify's parents were divorced, how come both of them came together to see Ify that early morning after about 10 years they separated with her?

7. When Ify went to see Lola, why did Lola become so hostile to her when she doesn't know her from Adam? You gave the impression that Lola had met or known Ify when in essence they don't know each other. Even if Ebere had told her about about Ify more than 10 years ago, it wasn't enough reason to vent her anger and hostility on Ify just because she said 'my name is Ify'. There are many Ify's in the world you know.

A wonderful writing skills you have my dear. Your style, tone, setting and dictions laced with beautiful suspense and intrigue are simply captivating.

From the inner santum of the magnificent Room 089, I say keep it up!