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Education / Re: 2018/2019 Admission Process Thread Guide by severee(m): 8:41am On Dec 17, 2019
hi guys please do you guys know if the Direct entry admission process for university of lagos for 2019 closed
Education / Anybody Here Attended Air Force Secondary School Ikeja Ckass Of 2005 by severee(m): 6:19am On Nov 20, 2019
Hi guys is there anyone here who attended air force secondary ikeja lagos and finished with 2005 set? Abeg holla me it's pretty important
Education / Bursary Programs In Nigerian Schools by severee(m): 10:40am On Oct 05, 2019
Hi guys,
Does anybody know about undergraduate bursary programmes or scholarship in Nigeria.
Thanking y'all in advance
TV/Movies / Re: Avengers Endgame Is A Terrible Movie(spoilers) by severee(m): 5:58pm On May 19, 2019
My own question is how captain America travelled once to return the rocks even though they were collected from different timelines
and as 2012 thanks is still alive won't he still get the gauntlet and repeat infinity war
Properties / House To Let by severee(m): 2:43pm On Apr 28, 2019
*to Let* *nice 2bdrm Flat (Top Floor) With two Toilet , two Bathroom ,
*To let*

*Nice 2 bdrm flat ( Top floor) with two toilet , two bathrooms ,one living room,one kitchen, two tenants in a compound , nice kitchen cabinets , in a secure environment, adequate parking space,pumping machine and power transformer at Gowon Estate iyana ipaja , Lagos ...... For 450k per annum*

Call 08080403035 for more details
Education / Re: How To Register For ICAN by severee(m): 3:48pm On Apr 10, 2019
Abeg o anyone there?
Education / How To Register For ICAN by severee(m): 3:04pm On Apr 10, 2019
Hi guys I am signing up for ICAN November 2019 digest abeg who knows the process and amount involved in getting started

I have heard and read upandan but I will really appreciate if someone can just give me the full details on how I can register for ICAN?

1 Like

Celebrities / Re: Laura Ikeji Set To Reconcile With Amara Kanu, Her Sister-In-Law by severee(m): 3:53pm On Feb 26, 2019
Eyah ,nwankwor no fit satisfy e wife again, she don dey depend on carrot
Jobs/Vacancies / Re: Looking For A Career In Customer Service, Apply Now !!!! by severee(m): 4:27pm On Feb 19, 2019
hello, is this vacancy still open?
TV/Movies / Re: Top 5 Most Depressing Cartoons You've Ever Seen by severee(m): 9:42am On Aug 27, 2016
Casper the friendly ghost is kinda depressing

1 Like

TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Captain America(civil War) by severee(m): 9:38am On Aug 27, 2016
kay9:
Umm... elizabeth didn't drop the cars on tony, jeremy did.


Jeremy how? IM destroyed the arrow he fired and elizabeth was waving her hands around, it's a confusing scene sha perhaps I no look am well
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Captain America(civil War) by severee(m): 5:06am On Aug 27, 2016
robert downey jr
Anyway this is more like an avengers basketball match I've got don
chris evans
I've got anthony
scarlet johansson
I've got chad
anthony mackie
I've got jeremy
jeremy renner
Uh I'm retired and totally stand to gain or lose nothing from this
keving feige
angry except a paycheck you dumbf*ck
jeremy renner
Fine! I've got paul rudd
chris evans
I've got my untrained and traumatized elizabeth and sebastian don't worry he's cool now I know that because he remembers my mothers name
robert downey jr
sad Aw that makes us uneven
audience
How about your manually controlled robots from age of ultron
robert downey jr
angry Goddamit would you quit it with the common sense
audience
cry I'm just trying to help
robert downey jr
Mtchew!
narrator
robert travels to newyork to f*ck marisa tomei(the most cheerful and sexy widow in the world) and risk the life of her "son" despite being grieved stricken by a single parent who lost her son meanwhile chris and sebastian sneak out of the country by suiting up and using the totally public airport like a couple of geniuses grin
emily vancamp
Yay I'm still alive despite smashing a cocobolo desk and I'm totally cool with your sebastian friend chilling like nothing happened infact I'm committing treason for him.............oh all these st*pidity makes me h*rny can we f*ck on the hood of your car?
chris evans
Nah it's a pg-rated movie so let's settle for disturbing the audience by making out
audience
undecided with the niece of your girlfriend few scenes after her death? #Classy
chris evans
F*ck you
narrator
meanwhile back at the avengers mansion elizabeth isn't done annoying us with her irritatingly fake accent
paul betany
Hey I cooked you dinner and wore a sweater and khaki pants for swag purposes
elizabeth olsen
Why? sad Oh God please don't tell me I'm gonna f*ck a robot in this movie come on
paul betany
But according to the comics we've got the hots for each other
elizabeth olsen
*sigh*
paul betany
I'll be back I've got to go change into something comfortable (gets zapped by jeremy and then force field into the ground by elizabeth like she should have done to frank grillo)
elizabeth olsen
Phew!Thank you
narrator
and so the avengers battle olympics begins as iron man kicks off by destroying a helicopter in typical avengers fashion
tom holland
Time for the big reveal.......spiderman is in this movie
audience
Um yay? I mean we totally saw this part in the trailer and what's with peter parker always being a high school student in the movies? come on he's graduated twice already perhaps y'all should find a story in a timeline in college or working photographer jeez
paul rudd
Grrr! I'm a douchebag so I'll pick on the minor
marvel
The moral of the story is bullying and picking on minors is adorable

Signed
Marvel team
tom holland
Hmmm ant man spiderman so many insect men up in here anyone got a bug spray? Get it? Spiderman humor(gets kicked in the teeth for his bad joke)
chris evans
Thanks paul hey robert it's time to......
robert downey jr
No not yet I wanna fight jeremy renner first
elizabeth olsen
angry ahem!
robert downey jr
shocked Oh sh*t who set elizabeth free?
elizabeth olsen
You locked me in my room
robert downey jr
Say what you will but at least I'm not using you as a divertion so I can slip off. With my boyfriend and risk having you captured or killed
elizabeth olsen
Good point but not good enough because I'm mad angry
robert downey jr
Wait I killed your family and you've finally decided to kill me cause I grounded you? And is anyone else not buying that you aren't a teenager? For the love of God you look 30
elizabeth olsen
*gasp* why you angry (drops a bunch of cars on robert)
robert downey jr
undecided seriously that didn't kill me? Even though my suit scatters like lego toys in iron man 3? Okay
narrator
meanwhile sebastian and anthony re-enact a tom and jerry cartoon scene by getting their a*sses kicked by tom holland
sebastian stan
Wait am I seriously losing to a teenager? Especially when I just bashed everyone in the previous scene?
anthony mackie
Grrrr I'm gonna aggressively beat this kid cause that's what we black people do right?
paul rudd
Hey scarlet wanna flirt fight?
scarlet johansson
*rolling eyes* this will be embarassing (and it is especially when she flips on her own like a freaking looney)
scarlet johansson
angry eat buzz for making me look like a crazy person (zaps paul)
paul rudd
angry Hey that nearly killed me you c*nt I thought this was a friendly match(endagers roberts life by messing with roberts wiring) sad hmmm its weird just how many attempted murders have been committed in this friendly match(tossing fuel car at roberts avengers) sad
don cheadle
*in southern slave accent*Em who do I battles sirs
robert downey jr
Go crazy take on chris
don cheadle
Ooo yes masser I'm ons its masser(chris makes him his b*tch)
angry really guys?
chad boswick
I'm on it (is made a b*tch too) angry I don't need this mess I should be looking for sebastian
narrator
scarlett and jeremy have a rematch
scarlett jeremy
Hey so how is retirement? having fun with no neighbours?
jeremy renner
angry Having fun with no man in your life?
scarlett johansson
angry hey I'm playing catch up not spit roast choke on my crotch mr bland
jeremy renner
I'm not mr bland I just happen to play leading roles in failed franchises and side kicks in successful ones (choking)
Guys.... Little help?
elizabeth olsen
(Tosses scarlett with her force field) no means no go get a vibrator instead of rubbing on every guy you see
scarlett johansson
Oh Gawd I need to go to a hospital
robert downey jr
Psst suck that up b*tch everyone form brave heart formation I've got scarlet,tommy,don,chadwick and paul my hommie
paul betany
angry elizabeth left me with blue balls and I want................revenge
chris evans
And I've got anthony,elizabeth,jeremy,paul and sebastian
robert downey jr
In other words the tacky team grin
chris evans
angry no its not
robert downey jr
grin admit it my team sh*ts on your team.......aiit now seriously chris stand down I don't want to kill you
chris evans
That's why you fired countless tank missiles at us
robert downey jr
angry Hey elizabeth dropped cars on me
Okay now I'm pissed stand down or we'll make your gritty franchise campy and silly
chris evans
robert, look sebastian is been framed by a dude in siberia let's go hunt him down you can keep sebastian prisoner as a sign of goodwill ATTACK!!!!
tom holland
They are not stopping mr downey
robert downey jr
Very well,Let's camp the f*ck outta this movie
chris evans
angry the hell you are (picks on tom holland) you should have more respect for your elders grin get it? Cause I'm over a hundred years old and......
audience
Zzzzzzzzzz
chris evans
angry A*ss
sebastian stan
c'mon this scene is taking forever let's go clear my name already
chris evans
Haha like taking down daniel will suddenly make the world forget all the other people you killed..... sad oh you aint kidding okay let's "clear your name" I guess
paul rudd
I'll cover you so you can run(grows big)
robert downey jr
Seriously, you know we can totally run around you
paul rudd
angry no you can't... see? don just flew right into my grasp
robert downey jr
That's doesn't count don's an *diot
don cheadle
angry hey!
chadwick boseman
I mean we could also trip him with a stair car or something
robert downey jr
Or I can fire a rocket at him
paul rudd
Would you stop talking about how this is a bad idea c'mon the fan b*ners are to the roof don't ruin it
(Paul flies through him). angry Goddammit what did I just say?(Destroys a plane for no reason)
narrator
chris and sebastien bump into scarlett
scarlett johansson
I'm taking you guys in
sebastien stan
wink c'mon we had choke sex in the last scene doesn't that count
scarlett johansson
Alright you may pass
chris evans
And we played tongue hockey in the last movie
scarlett johansson
Aii that's a pass too
chad boswick
Grrrrr you aint leaving till I kill your a*ss
scarlett johansson
Yea I'm definitely gonna have fun stunning your uppity a*ss
chad boswick
Hey buh we........oh sh*t(gets stunned to sh*t)
narrator
meanwhile paul mind r*pes elizabeth is about to go 2nd base with her
robert downey jr
Hey paul shoot down sebastien and chris anthony in honor of the black men police shooters of America
paul bettany
AMERICA!!! (Shoots down don instead) oops wait that still counts right?
robert downey jr
angry fine I'll complete the racist cycle myself(blasts anthony to kingdom come) anyone gonna chase chris oh forget it

To be continued.....
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Captain America(civil War) by severee(m): 5:06am On Aug 27, 2016
@eapps, @ thenairama sad for una mind una don yan abi?
Jobs/Vacancies / Re: 14 Hilarious Jobs To Meet A Celebrity In Lagos by severee(m): 3:25pm On Aug 21, 2016
Naijasinglegirl:
Have you ever been scrolling through you your Instagram explore feed and you see users posting photos of them with celebrities? Or maybe you happen to have a random discussion with colleagues and when the name of a celebrity comes up, they dish details of the celebrity with certainty. No, they don’t have two heads. If you have been wondering how you can ever meet a celebrity in Lagos, I have made a list of 14 jobs that makes it possible. Read below . . .


Op you forgot to add bleaching cream sales and cocaine smuggling
Pets / Re: Please What Breed Is This Dog??? by severee(m): 6:50pm On Aug 20, 2016
TadeDada:
That's the lovely BASENJI... Here's mine the incredible "DIEGO" Love him so much

Lol see as u hold e neck una dey fight?
Pets / Re: Please What Breed Is This Dog??? by severee(m): 5:37pm On Aug 19, 2016
K9blunt:
Please what breed is this dog

She has slight white socks on her front paws.

Each of her hind legs have extra toes and nails, though quite useless.

I heard she's another breed of German Shepherd but I quite disagree....

Any ideas?

It kinda loox like a belgian shepherd dog we have plenty of those ere that pass for german shepherds

1 Like

Romance / Re: A Big Boy Posses With Unclad B*tches On Facebook by severee(m): 7:22am On Aug 18, 2016
bamosagie:
Where is the big boy?!
Must the gals always look gross?

1 Like

TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 7:07am On Aug 18, 2016
ades0la:

Alright.
cry yea its rly sad
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 12:28am On Aug 18, 2016
ades0la:

Can you please write something like this for deadpool too? smiley
cry wish I could but deadpool already yabbed itself for us
Politics / Re: Neya Uzor Kalu's Look To Seyi Tinubu's Wedding by severee(m): 7:57pm On Aug 17, 2016
nnachidav:



Hahahahahhahahaaa my friend wake up for dream joor

See nigerian, instead make you claim am for me you dey piss untop my bush lillies, kneel down der
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 6:04pm On Aug 17, 2016
ades0la:
I find this more interesting than the movie itself grin cheesy

grin thanx

1 Like

Politics / Re: Neya Uzor Kalu's Look To Seyi Tinubu's Wedding by severee(m): 9:14am On Aug 17, 2016
ezeagu:
Aww, her father is a thief who stole Abia State children's futures, how cute for her.

angry my friend how dare you insult my future father inlaw? Kneel down dere

6 Likes 1 Share

TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 8:44am On Aug 17, 2016
henry cavill
Ew did someone just eat him up and puked him out? why does he look so gross?
jesse eisenberg
sad yea I guess it would have been cooler and more terrifying if we made a zombie micheal shannon
henry cavill
Ugh he looks like that crappy toxic avenger dude from the 80s
jesse eisenberg
Yea yea
henry cavill
Almost looks like some disgruntled dude just f*cked him up to get at zack snyder
jesse eisenberg
Well I gues......
henry cavill
Gosh! I mean Did he fall in a bowl of sh*t or is that just how he looks
dooms day
angry WE GET IT!!!(Punches henry outter the building)
narrator
then they start to fight and when I mean fight I mean they begin to trash the Gotham surroundings
ben affleck
What da? angry hey are you gonna pay to repair the roads you 're trashing? angry you're lucky our moms have the same name or I would have lost my sh*t
henry cavill
C'mon money bags you can pay for it
ben affleck
Godammit I aint made of cash can't you fight him in space or something?
henry cavill
Hmmm good idea
narrator
so henry kicks dooms days a*ss into space meanwhile the military does what they do best in these kind of movies which is sit on their hands and act like *diots
military personnel
Hey henry is fighting the bogey and has taken him to space
harry lennix
Awww! He really does love us........now nuke his a*ss
military personnel
Wait what?
harry lennix
Well to prevent what happened last time, I'm not so sure why we only see these people when henry is around and most of all I've always wanted to look like I know what I'm doing
military personnel
Okay.. FIRE!!
narrator
they fire a nuclear missile at henry and doomsday which kills henry for 2minutes and tickles doomsday
military personnel
*judgemental look* sir it's raining doomsday
harry lennix
Dammit where is henry?
military personnel
angry Well he didn't come along so what do you think?
harry lennix
Well I guess its back to sitting on my hands
military personnel
Ugh! Now he's copying hulk and king kong moves
ben affleck
Oh great nice going harry now I have to fight him on my own using the lesson I never learnt when going up against henry(doomsday trashes his bat jet)
Hey how am I still alive?
doomsday
Prepare to be laser eye f*cked you jerk
ben affleck
Oh sh*t wished the meta humans were here
ezra miller
My mommy is calling me(runs home from milk store)
jason momoa
I'm too busy with the momoa fish to poor people foundation
cyborg
Let's do this cool
audience
grin wow that's what you look like?
cyborg
Yea what do I look like?
audience
You look like bucket of LFMAO gosh I guess dc is really trying to bring some laughs into their franchise huh?
cyborg
*cries and runs home*
gal gadot
I'll save you my love
narrator
just as doomsday is about to dubstep bencaptain america gal blocks ben with her shield
gal gadot
Hey I never asked how did you send me that email? it's not like you have my address or even knew my name
ben affleck
And lucky for you that your costume just happens to be closeby even though you clearly looked like you were done being a superhero except you're a stripper or something
narrator
henry wakes up and continues his project gotham demolition
ben affleck
Dude show a lil class c'mon gal's over here fighting doomsday yet you don't see any buildings falling down
henry cavill
Yeowch! Who is this cactus flower?
ben affleck
She bleeds........like 5 days a month
henry cavill
Ugh ew I guess she's with you
ben affleck
No she's with you
henry cavill
No she's with you
ben affleck
No she's with you
narrator
meanwhile amy struggles to be relevant to the plot but ends up drowning cause NOBODY CARES..back to the super fight
gal gadot
Taste my blade now taste my sonic boom now taste my lasso
doomsday
Hmmm hw big is this lasso to bound me and fit in your holster at the same time?
henry cavill
You nit picker taste pure kryptonian knuckles
ben affleck
Woa y'all look pretty busy so If you need me I'll be over here sh*tting a brick
jeremy irons
Shouldn't you be blasting doomsday with your krypto gun or better yet, picking up your staff to kill doomsday with it?
ben affleck
angry hey gimme a break I just kicked kryptonian a*ss, kicked a ton of russian thug a*ss, murdered a super villain and survived a plane crash, all that awesomeness can tire someone out you know
audience
sad like us (puke from being dizzy)
doomsday
angry YOU!!!
ben affleck
Gulp! Mommy(begins to flee)ok fine jeremy what did you say about my spear? I'm totally running to go get it(nose sprouts like pinnochio)
henry cavill
Ok guys time out amy is in trouble gat to go
gal gadot
Hey hang on why not just get ben to do it? you left your mom in his care a while ago I can't take out doomsday on my own.... sh*t he's gone what a jerk
narrator
henry rescues amy and then retrieves the krypto spear which weakens him instantly and when I say "weaken" I mean still possessing power of flight and super strength but just moan and acting drunk kind of weakness
henry cavill
Hey are you ok?
amy adams
Me? Pfft! B*tch please after downing so much dirty water in my lungs....of course I'm fine
henry cavill
Well I've gotta go guilt trip the world by killing myself instead of simply handing the spear over to ben or gal
amy adams
What? No
henry cavill
I love you amy, cavill out(flies off)
ben affleck
Oh yea this is actually the best time to shoot a krypto gas pellet at doomsday
henry cavill
Smh
ben affleck
Hey where are you going with my spear? Don't get yourself killed c'mon whose gonna help DCEU in the box office?
jared leto
Did someone call for DCs "joker card"?
ben affleck
Oh right carry on
narrator
henry stabs doomsday in the heart
henry cavill
angry f*ck YOU!!!!!!
doomsday
Hmm speaking of f*cking(t*tty f*cks henry with his exo-skeletal claws)
narrator
and they both die
audience
Pfft!Bologne
zack snyder
angry I hate you, you never support anything I do all you care abt is joss whedon I wish you were dead(runs to his room crying)
ben affleck
grin *sigh* Well I guess it all worked out in the end *high fives gal*
amy adams
Hmmm a scary violent unpredictable vigilante, a weirdly dressed super strengthened woman and a giant monster wow I'm so scared I bet everyone can see that in my totally emotionless expressions
narrator
meanwhile a swat team storms the kryptonian spaceship and find jesse
Stealing from the plot of marvels avengers
[b]swat team

What da f*ck?
jesse eisenberg
Uh this is not what it looks like
Wait a minute why are you here it's not like you have any evidence to arrest me and the only witness you have is a dead alien and his girlfriend
swat team
sad Uh ok we'll just keep you in holding till we find/forge some*evil smiles*
narrator
then there's a mass burial for henry cavill which makes for a very interesting story when amy has to explain how human henry cavill is also dead at the same time
everyone
sad wait we are not supposed to know henry is superman
henry cavill
Grrr! I'm not super.....uh oh
zack snyder
angry why you plot spoiling son of a b*tch
narrator
ben visits jesse in prison
ben affleck
B*tch despite hearing of how my branding kills people I've decided to do it anyway. BTW why aren't you in guantanamo?
jesse eisenberg
grin because I'm insane(sh*ts on hands and write on the walls with it)
ben affleck
Cool....will take you to arkham then have some friends over there toodles(brands wall)
jesse eisenberg
Hmm at least try to give a sh*t about the next prisoner who will occupy this room don't you think the branded wall will mean execution for them too?

End
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 3:23am On Aug 13, 2016
narrator
amy is dragged before jesse eisenberg so he can st*pidly reveal his plans
amy adams
Er you found out about the bullets right? Wait a minute why didn't I turn that over to anyone
jesse eisenberg
Bullets? What bullets?
amy adams
The bullets I found in da....ugh! So why are you openly slapping a kidnapping charge on your a*ss?
jesse eisenberg
grin how about we throw in an attempted murder charge in the mix cause I've tossed ben and henry in a epic match so ben can totally kill henry with the kryptonite he took off me
amy adams
O_o ok? So how do you get them together? Throw another "rob the f*ck outta me" dinner party?
jesse eisenberg
No actually what I did was
1. Uncover batman and superman's secret identity
2. Friended an african war lord
3. Waited till the said african warlord invited you over to somalianairomi for an interview
4. Then callan will out micheal cassidy as a spy because somehow the cia will want in on the action and will infiltrate the african warlords compound using you as cover
5. Then luckily henry in his destructive fashion will arrive just in time to destroy a missile and drone over the compound rendering the cia blind but not in time to find callan roasting the rebels
6.Then I bribe an african lady to lie that henry attacked the village luckily also the cia won't be stoked about sticking around to properly investigate the casualties(and the bullet holes in them) before deciding that calvin did it even though they never saw him take out the drone
7. Then I'll pay some dudes to kill a prisoner and make it look like its because he has a batman tatoo and no one will wonder why criminals with bat tats are more hated than the normal criminals
8. Then I'll pray like crazy for henry to watch the news and take offence with ben but not just toss ben in a jail cell with his pinky
9. Then I paid homage to breaking bad by rigging scoots wheel chair with explosives
jena malone
Number 9 was made possible because there was lead around the wheel chair which stopped henry from seeing the bomb(collects paycheck and leaves)
jesse eisenberg
10. Graffitti and send ben prank notes like a 10 year old then I...........angry hey why are you smiling? You're supposed to be terrified
amy adams
Because this all sounds like a parody of ozymandias plan from watchmen with extra cheesiness
jesse eisenberg
angry you dare laugh at my plans(tosses amy off a building)
amy adams
undecided yawn! Oh I mean waaaaaaah! I'm so petrified oh the horror of falling to ones death, the terror the zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz oh sorry I mean a........ I mean a......... Well I'm petrified?
henry caville
cool I've got you baby now if you excuse me I shall leave you unattended you know just incase you wanna get kidnapped again
amy adams
Wooo! What a rush, my hands aren't even shaking so I guess I should go talk to ben about how jesse is setting he and henry up..............or maybe I should just stand around till the movie needs me again
narrator
henry grabs jesse by the ears and forces him to confess to his acts of terror in africa and metropolis confronts jesse with his epic constipated frown
henry cavill
angry Grrrrr! Why did you toss my girlfriend off the building?
jesse eisenberg
undecided what makes you so sure I did it maliciously? for all I know we could have been waltzing and she slipped and fell off so what are you mad at me for?
henry cavill
angry cause the finger sandwiches at your party tasted like hot armpits and your wine tasted like piss that's why I hate you
jesse eisenberg
Anyway I kidnapped diane and now I shall force you to do my bidding muahahahahahahahaha!
henry cavill
grin yea sure like I can't circumnavigate the universe and find her within the fraction of a second*flips through script* oh I mean cry MOMMA!!!!! *sucks on his thumbs* ok what do you want?
jesse eisenberg
Well I want you to go fight ben
henry cavill
Why? are you gonna be watching?
jesse eisenberg
No
henry cavill
Is anyone gonna be watching?
jesse eisenberg
Er........no
henry cavill
angry Then why the f*ck am I fighting him?
jesse eisenberg
Because God didn't save me from my abusive father when I was a kid
henry cavill
sad wait what?
jesse eisenberg
You heard me
henry cavill
So you want vendetta for your dad beating your a*ss? How does that even add up? And what are you mad at me for? I'm no god you should be mad gal gadot instead she's the one whose a goddess and all
jesse eisenberg
angry just shut up and go kill ben ok? You've got one hour
henry cavill
Fine! By the way I'm just gonna holla my girl real quick you mind?
jesse eisenberg
*shrugs* she's your mom(hops into chopper)
narrator
henry meets with amy
henry cavill
cry he's got my mom
amy adams
Ok so go save her I mean you could torture jesse and get him to call off her hit or you use your super hearing or vision to track her I mean that should only take about 10minutes
henry cavill
Nah f*ck that, I'll rather go negotiate with a crazy dude gosh! Maybe I shouldn't have f*cked up his ride
cab man
Hey aint that superman? Why am I not totally taking a pic of him french kissing a metro chick and putting it on twitter or selling it to a journalist? *shrugs*
narrator
henry approaches ben but first he damages the floor because "he comes in peace"
henry cavill
Er why are you wearing a trash can with a cape?
ben affleck
Tell me....do you laugh?
henry cavill
Never mind it's not that funny anyway,so hey ben I need your help(shoves ben to mecca)
ben affleck
That's why you mentioned my characters first name are you trying to blackmail me? Eat sonic waves you quere(blasts henry with sonic waves that don't deafen ben or shatter the window of buildings nearby)
henry cavill
C'mon man you are the only one who can help me(trashes ben's gadget violently)
ben affleck
I'm listening(overdoses henry on bullets)
henry cavill
angry hey you better not have wrecked my suit(checks) well what do you know, my suit is bullet proof as well
(Tosses ben onto the roof of a building of course in man of steel tradition he totally wrecks someones apartment while doing so)
ben affleck
Ooooooooooouch! Wait how does this metal suit stop me from feeling the effects of gravity or pain? Oh sh*t henry is coming (tosses smoke screen at him)
henry cavill
Hey dude c'mon I don't wanna hurt ya you know you're being a real b*tch right now and what makes you think I can't float over the smoke screen or see through it?
ben affleck
Because you are a m*ron and everyone wants me to beat your a*ss so they've made you extra st*pid for this fight(fires a krypto gas pellet at henry)
henry cavill
Gas? Really? Have you forgotten that I fought in freaking space in the last movie? I bet I don't even use my nose at all(does so anyway) oh lord I have inhaled kryptonite gas and now I'm as light as a feather but tough enough to not burst open when smudged between metal and hardass concrete
ben affleck
cool Yea and I hid my secret weapon at the bottom of the world let's just hope you don't recover before we get there now time for some badass ninja skills like straddle punching(straddle punches henry to recovery) sad oh sh*t
henry cavill
Well I can see asking for your help is a bad idea so I'll just go find my mom by myself or maybe just throw you a punch(does so) or maybe two(does so) or maybe three(does so) ok fine I'll stay and fight grrrrrr!(Gets gased again) the f*ck man how did I fall for this twice?
ben affleck
angry grrrr you trashed my garbage can suit? I ma go WWE on your a*ss(crashes a toilet sink on henry head)then I ma toss you off a flight of stairs(does so) and just for the kicks I ma take you fishing(makes henry his b*tch with a fishing rod) now time to test and see how sharp my kryptonite spear is(gives henry a tribal mark) yep it is sharp enough, time to go buddie any last words?
henry cavill
Martha
ben affleck
undecided Haha few seconds from your death and you're making yo mama jokes that aren't even funny
henry cavill
No you don't understand my mom's name is martha and........
ben affleck
She's a kryptonian and I should totally kill her too wink good call buddie
henry cavill
angry shut up dude! My mom just got her a*ss kidnapped and I was blackmailed to fight you
ben affleck
sad yea right!
amy adams
He's telling the truth
ben affleck
Oh ok(tosses his spear) this totally erases your raucus in metropolis,somalia nairomi and gotham
henry cavill
Gotham?
ben affleck
C'mon its a hollywood superhero movie you think trashing a few rooms screams FINALE
henry cavill
Yea you are right now go find my mother yes that's right I want you who I don't trust and is a 1million times slower than I am to go save my mom
ben affleck
Yea good thing jesse didn't find a way to monitor you to make sure you followed his instructions
jeremy irons
I've located diane lane with my magic powers she's in a cliched russian warehouse with 3 floors filled with armed russian dudes facing one direction are you sure you are the man for the job? I mean shouldn't you be confronting jesse instead?
narrator
ben rushes into action by wasting a bunch of time getting change of clothes and probably shaving and catching a tv show before heading to rescue henry's mother
zack snyder
Now time to cream your shorts for that awesome fight scene I put in the trailer
narrator
scene is exactly how it's in the trailer without an addition or subtraction
audience
That's it I'm getting a refund I can just watch the youtube trailers and have a filled day
zack snyder
Hey wait callan and ben are about to have a showdown
callan mulvey
If you take one step you'll see the inside of her head........wait haven't we done this before? Yea the showdown between the african rebel and henry with amy inbetween
zack snyder
Yea it's a take on how ben would have done it
audience
*praying* God please let there be a good fight scene please please
callan mulvey
I'll kill her
ben affleck
cool Tell that to my killing joke(blasts callan anticlimatically)
diane lane
A dude just got brutally roasted by a murderous scary vigilante that certainly turns me on watch my orgasm face
audience
sad there's no God
narrator
meanwhile henry confronts jesse again
jesse eisenberg
Henry we have to stop meeting like this.........angry uh you didn't kill ben? Wait is my objective to kill ben or henry or both? I'm getting my objectives muddled again cause now it looks like I just wanna trash gotham for no reason
henry cavill
Why am I not arresting you right now.....o sh*t what's that
jesse eisenberg
Your doomsday

To be continued......
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 9:11pm On Aug 12, 2016
kryptonian1987:


why would I want to read it? that childish movie that is meant for teens.... the most overrated movie of the year!
grin
"hahaha!
na obsession won kill you so oh!"
- wise words of kryptonian1987
kryptonian1987:


despite all its powerful WoM and unbelievable very very high RT score, it couldn't even break the $450m mark , domestically... not even close to it

Hmmm even tho it's actually one of the highest rated and grossing movies of this year?
Like I said whatever helps you sleep at nite
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 3:11pm On Aug 12, 2016
kryptonian1987:


hahaha!
na obsession won kill you so oh!
What's this one saying?

kryptonian1987:


people are still debating abt BvS till date,
Debating? More like laffing I mean bvs is like a documentary on how to make an awful movie

kryptonian1987:

just to tell u it has something they called: classical cultic in it...!
Whatever helps you sleep at nite man
kryptonian1987:

unlike that done and dusted CW which no one talk about since 2months+ ago grin

I have a post for civil war as well you can look it up if you like
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 3:26am On Aug 12, 2016
ben affleck
angry Hey I just heard that scoot never got his pay checks what gives man?
And who keeps sending me these prank letters? These aint funny no more
worker
Um boss? The town hall just blew up and scoot along with it
ben affleck
Really? Oh then back to work I guess
narrator
meanwhile jesse is working on micheal shannons body totally unsupervised
jesse eisenberg
Yes even though I'm not a scientist or a kryptonian I've stored vast knowledge and technicalities thanks to the 10minute tutorial video carla gugino gave me
carla gugino
You're welcome
jesse eisenberg
Now time to re-animate micheal shannon by splicing my dna with micheal's dead corpse and shoving him into the lazarus pit
Wait why is there a lake in this space craft? How did no one get electrocuted before now?and how does my dna get to micheal shannon when my blood like totally difussed in this bigass lake? And what makes me so sure he will kill henry this time I mean they were 5 of them the last time and they didn't even get close to rumpling his shirt
zack snyder
angry shut up and make a joke before the audiences head explode
jesse eisenberg
Ok ok you flew too close to the sun
micheal shannon
Wait how does that make any sense is my skin tanned?
jesse eisenberg
No
micheal shannon
Is the sun suddenly harmful to kryptonians?
jesse eisenberg
What? No
micheal shannon
I don't get it was there a deleted scene or alternate ending in man of steel where I flew into the sun and got fragged
jesse eisenberg
angry Dude?
micheal shannon
*rolling eyes* Ok ok jeez
narrator
it's finale time and all the characters furiously prepare for it, ben affleck prepares by moping around like he was forced to eat cheese puffs outta a dudes a*ss
jeremy irons
So old man what are you doing?
ben affleck
I'm thinking because that's what old people do
jeremy irons
C'mon don't worry too much it's bad for your blood pressure and you know you got your athritis and all
audience
*rolling eyes* Ugh! we get it ben is an older batman
jeremy irons
So how exactly are you gonna win this fight against a dude who ripped your bat mobile apart by sneezing on it
audience #1
Oh my God it's fan service time
audience #2
Yea since he stashes his enemies weapons after their capture I bet he's gonna bulk up with banes venom and then distract henry with scarecrows gas and then do some crazy martial arts nerve-paralyzing move he got from the league of shadows and from kryptonian anatomy which he somehow knows about
ben affleck
Nah an anticipated fight like batman v superman should be totally unmemorable So I'll just borrow iron man's hulk buster, spray henry in the face with kryptonite and call it a day
narrator
diane lane also prepares for the finale by getting her a*ss kidnapped
diane lane
why hello sexy dude who looks like oliver martinez, you wanna pork me in the bathroom for old times sake
callan mulvey
First of all this isn't unfaithful, second you are 12 years older so ew and lastly I'm totally here to kidnap your a*ss for being henry's mother
diane lane
Finally! I mean with all the clues we carelessly leave behind what took y'all so long?(Gets kidnapped)
narrator
amy adams prepares for the finales by willingly walking into a trap
amy adams
Hey callan you totally look familiar oh sh*t
callan mulvey
Yea I'm about to kidnap your a*ss in this totally public place I just hope you aren't smart enough to scream and alert passersby
amy adams
(Gets kidnapped too)
narrator
gal prepares for the finale by being as boring as f*ck
gal gadot
Hmmm ben knows my secret identity so I've to run for it inmy invisible jet a commercial airplane but for the benefit of the audience let's take a sneak peak at the bleak future of DC
narrator
we are introduced to flash,aquaman and cyborg
ezra miller
Hi I'm an flash I fight crime and conceal my identity by not disconnecting the freaking surveillance camera
jason momoa
I'm aquaman the most unrelatable comic book character in the universe and don't judge me for taking on a movie that directors are avoiding...... I mean it's not like Game Of Thrones is gonna pay my mortgage
scientist
Hi I'm making a blooper video about experiments gone wrong now time to run around like an *diot while a dude screams like his nuts are on fire and the audience shake their heads in disappointment while marvel laugh theirs off
ryan reynolds
And I'm green lanter........
audience
(Holding up a tyre iron)What you say?
ryan reynolds
Er nothing
gal gadot
sad Yep I'm definitely leaving
audience
Wait for us

To be continued......
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 10:33am On Jul 29, 2016
narrator
callan mulvey brings the kyptonite to jesse
jesse eisenberg
angry what da f*ck happened to my delivery truck? Were drag racing with it again? And where are your hommies? Are they on goons strike again?
callan mulvey
Well er
jesse eisenberg
Psyche! I don't care about all these or the trail your smuggling left behind that could lead the cops to me all I care about is my newly acquired kryptonite.......now shove it in this show glass so ben can come steal it later
callan mulvey
Wait you wanted ben to have it? Then why didn't you dump it at his door step or instruct us to toss it off the truck when he was killing our a*sses?
jesse eisenberg
grin dude it's been over an hour already in this confusing movie are you still asking questions?
callan mulvey
sad I guess not

narrator
so ben towsdrives his beyond
Repair damaged bat-mobile back to his batcave which is kind of hilarious

ben affleck
Grrrr! Henry wrecked my bat mobile oh I'm gonna show him I'm gonna make him bleed jeremy! Jeremy!! Get your old wrinkled a*ss out here angry
jeremy irons
What?
ben affleck
Why the f*ck were you radio-silenced when my batmobile was getting sh*tfaced?
jeremy irons
angry boy you don't talk to me like that! Now go fix me a cup of coffee 3 creams 4 sugars ASAP!
ben affleck
cry Yes sir
jeremy irons
And while you are at it,abandon the "hunt for henry" plot and go about your life normally
ben affleck
cry buh I wanna...........
jeremy irons
angry Boy you wanna get slapped into another planet?
ben affleck
cry no sir
narrator
meanwhile in metropolis it finally dawns on henry that he's a jerk and everyone is right to hate him
henry cavill
Amy I've finally realized that I'm a jerk and everyone is right to hate me
amy adams
Like duh you totally trashed two military drones and an american city which you've not apologized for by the way plus everyone is in the dark about who you are and what your mission on earth is I mean why did micheal shannon want you so badly? Were you a fugitive on krypton? Or a dual personality schizophrenic? Or a kryptonian spy who betrayed micheal to deceive us? Its no surprise they hate you if there's any surprise it's that they built a monument for you while hating you at the same time
zack snyder
Contradictions...... That's the snyder trademark
henry cavill
Trust me a b*tch slap isn't something you'll want from a guy like me
amy adams
Ok fine how about you organize a press conference like tony stark did at the end of ironman 1 you could explain your mission on earth and apologize for the mess you've made so far
henry cavill
That's a good idea but what I need is a dumb idea so let's go over it again
amy adams
Well you could track down the casualty from the metro attacks and help them get closure with the whole incident
henry cavill
Still a good idea angry
amy adams
Okay rebuild metropolis
henry cavill
Go dumb
amy adams
Reverse time
henry cavill
Dumber
amy adams
Hang up your cape and keep your promise to kevin costner
henry cavill
Dumber
amy adams
Don't know what to say man except you wanna go on one of em "grill your a*ss tribunals" which are totally biased and can make the world hate you even more
henry cavill
Hmmm I'll do that
amy adams
Yea...... wait what
henry cavill
Yea I mean what totally destroyed dr manhattan in watchmen will definitely work in my favour right? Thanks hun
narrator
somehow henry sends the word out that he'll seat with senator holly or senator holly has been holding empty hearings everyday since she reached out to henry or let's just say henry chose to appear at a hearing that holly coincidentally held for henry .....anyway holly bumps into jesse
jesse eisenberg
Hi holly
holly hunter
Quick arrest him
jesse eisenberg
Arrest me? Why?
holly hunter
Your somali nairomi friend just confessed that you staged the mass murder and paid her to blame henry for it
jesse eisenberg
Damn I must have really scrooged her over on the bribe for her to pick jail just to get back at me, anyway I gotta go get my prison shoes BRB
holly hunter
Ok
jesse eisenberg
Enjoy your hot seat
holly hunter
Huh?
jesse eisenberg
A hot seat for a really hot lady grin *snickering*
holly hunter
Wait you're not gonna blow up this hearing to cover your tracks are you?
jesse eisenberg
What? Me? HELL no
holly hunter
*scowls*
narrator
so henry appears before a hearing just in time for the hall to go BOOM!!
zack snyder
Nah this doesn't scream zack snyder let's combine two scenes , play a suspense score and build up to the hall exploding
larry fong
O_o you mean like dark knight when heath ledger went around whacking the participants of the money laudering case against eric roberts?
zack snyder
sad *sigh* yea
narrator
in the build up we see the somali nairomi lady get assassinated by callan mulvey she recognizes and could have totally avoidedconveniently luckily there are no cameras to catch the whole thing then we switch back to the court house
holly hunter
So henry this is how we approach things here on earth
henry cavill
undecided you do know I grew up on earth right? I mean you totally heard micheal shannon announce it and all
holly hunter
Ok ok now what we are going to do here is..........wait is that pee? Gross who put pee on my table how did they sneak this past security so easily that's so gross where's jesse?
narrator
everyone suddenly goes silent and appear to be in deep thought
scoot mcnairy
Hmmm my wheel chair is getting hot
tao okamoto
Hmmm I just noticed I haven't said sh*t in this movie
henry cavill[b]
Wait are we out of milk at home
[b]narrator

then zack being a genius pumps life into the theatre with a nuclear bomb explosion which takes out the whole town hall
audience
Wait all that came from a guys wheel chair? This explosion actually looks like a jumbo fighter jet dropped it
zack snyder
Well I bet everyone here was successfully shocked
audience
Yea shocked that a kick-a*ss character like mercy graves was totally wasted do you read comics at all?
zack snyder
angry d*ck nuts
henry cavill
Ugh! Not another explosion this better not have wrecked my suit......oh wait I'm fine, it was nice chatting with y'all
survivors
Helppppppp mmmme
henry cavill
Oh right I still do those(helps out survivors)
fire fighter
You are a hero man
henry cavill
Awww thanks dude
news
Who did this?
fire fighter
Henry did it
henry cavill
angry why I outta.......
To be continued.....
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Captain America(civil War) by severee(m): 3:16pm On Jul 13, 2016
chadwick boseman
Haha I bet everyone is excited to see my alter ego just a few seconds after declaring fukushu on sebastians a*ss
russo brothers
Yea its only a test run to see if you're cool so screw mystery cause it's overrated
sebastian stan
*rolling eyes* undecided Are you a super soldier too?
chadwick boseman
Uh I'm not sure I mean they hardly say jack about me in this movie except that I can fight and jump really far I don't even think they mention my name black panther
lyndon b johnson
angry Black panther? Where?
chadwick boseman
Anyway I'm here to avenge my baba's murder that's why I brought no weapons and I am fist fighting and playing with you my prey cause I'm a panther get it? grin
audience
Ugh!
narrator
so they fight in their typical marvel choreographed fashion then chris joins but he's totally ignored because black panther kicks a*ss then a romanian army chopper gunship fires at them and probably kill a ton of occupants in the apartment beneath them
sebastian stan
Not that this isn't fun but I'm totally checking out
chad boswick
angry the hell you are(chases after sebastian)
narrator
then we are subjected to a silly foot chase scene where a grown a*ss dude with a tin foil wrapped arm is chased by grown a*ss dude running like an actual panther who in turn is chased by another grown a*ss dude wearing a costume and carrying a pot cover
sebastian stan
F*ck this I'm tired of running faster than cars I think I should go Grand Theft Auto and steal a bike
chadwick boseman
tongue Sucker(slashes tyres cause you know.... he's faster than a bike remember?)
chris evans
This road is too neat and full of living people I'm an avenger must..... destroy..... Road
sebastian stan
Right on it buddie wink(blows bridge)
don cheadle
Alright stop the audience are obviously bored and since it's your movie you're under arrest chris and you too anthony
anthony mackie
Hey why do they keep roping me along during an arrest it's cause I'm black right?
narrator
then chadwick takes off his helmet in front of everyone even though he's a political figure and his arrest can further desecrate his fathers legacy
don cheadle
Yea you're his black side kick so go figure speaking of black welcome onboard the MCU express chadwick I wonder why you wore a helmet in the first place when you are just gonna take it off anyway

anthony mackie
angry hey how come he doesn't go to jail?
don cheadle
Cause this is the first black MCU character who doesn't suck donkey balls now get in the black maria
narrator
they haul chris and anthony to prison an office on the valley and totally ignore them cause they are boring
robert downey
Waddup chris! grin seriously that's my first response upon spotting the dude who betrayed the avengers and gave superheroes a bad name just so he can help his hydra buddie
chris evans
sad so there aint gonna be 'major consequences' like you barked at william on the phone?
robert downey
Nah buddie kick your feet relax grab a granola bar or something hey guys get my man here a shirt and jacket, jarvis cancel all security protocol and pray a boring as f*ck villain doesn't waltz in and burst sebastian out
emily vancamp
Need a massage?
chris evans
You're still here
emily vancamp
Yea I work for the CIA now despite my previous employment being at a hydra safe house
chris evans
No I mean you are still in this franchise despite being just as boring as maria hills character why?
russo brothers
Good question perhaps we need to find her a job(Looking under their chairs) when we find how she can be useful we'll let you know
narrator
daniel sneaks in
daniel bruhl
I've totally sneaked into the buildingbecause I'm as boring as f*ck and no one notices me under the guise of a UN official and I've sneaked an EMP into the country under the guise of a water heater? Wait hol'up I know I'm bada*ss and all but how did I know sebastian will be in romania? and how did I know they will send a UN official to interrogate him? And how did I know they won't bother checking me out at the gate to make sure I'm the real deal? And how did I know where exactly they will imprison sebastian? And how did I know when they will capture sebastian?
russo brothers
Yea we thought about that too that's why we shall shove martin freeman as a pointless comic
Relief which fails to hit its mark carry on
narrator
meanwhile daniel has an accomplice deliver an EMP device to the power plant that controls all of romania's power supply because............coincidence
accomplice
Uh pizza delivery for electric company guys(avoids suspicion by running like hell)
electric company guy
An EMP quick turn it off or load it in the truck and drive it in a lake or(flips through script) oh my bad I mean *singing* stop and stare
narrator
the EMP goes off and hits the facility where sebastian is held
martin freeman
Quick turn on the reserve generators........wait we don't have those? sh*t hey where is chris and anthony? Aren't they prisoners anymore? WTF?
daniel bruhl
So tell me about your mission at the start of this movie
sebastian stan
No
daniel bruhl
*dramatically* sh*t stain, p*nis sandwich,dong ice cream,c*m mouthwash
sebastian stan
Ew alright what do you want?
daniel bruhl
Tell me about your mission in 1991 you do remember right?
sebastian stan
Of course I do it's only 20years ago and one of my dozen other missions it's only humanly possible for me to remember Just like how the audience remember the plot from captain america first avenger
chris evans
Aha! I've gotcha sucker why did you frame my friend?
daniel bruhl
Cause I wanna see the fall of an empire
chris evans
shocked Holysh*t guys ultron is back
daniel bruhl
What? I'm not ultron i'm just a blander weaker MCU villain with a hybrid of ultron and lokis objective
chris evans
sad so in that case you have a cliched/silly objective, care to share or is it too early on in the movie?
daniel bruhl
Yea according to the laws of hollywood I can't disclose my plans till the end of the movie besides we've had just 2 action scenes in this movie we need at least 2 necessary action scenes, 2 filler action scenes, 1 useless action scene and the climax
sebastian stan
Speaking of useless action scenes, I just ripped off my restraints like a couple of bandaids (kicks the sh*t outta anthony and chris using MCUs signature bad editing)
martin freeman
Armed guards take out sebastian
narrator
a couple of mall cops show up withassault rifles whips and consequently gets their a*sses kicked then robert downey junior attacks withhis battle suit some electric wrist band(which somehow still works despite the EMP attack) so he also gets tossed like a rag doll then it gets hilarious when powerless emily vancamp takes a swing at sebastian and ends up being used as a coffee table hammer then things get kinky when scarlet tries to force sebastian into giving her head but fails, then it gets racist when they make chadwick fight , jump and chant like a monkey just cause he's from africa, finally it dawns on sebastian to use his super speed to escape
chris evans
What a coincidence I happen to be the only one who isn't passed out right now so I will stop sebastian
audience
Oh God not another crappy shaky cam fight scene like from winter soldier
russo brothers
Nah! We are all about laughs in this movie that's why chris shall be performing an unintentionally funny stunt chris take the floor
narrator
sebastian tries to escape with a chopper but chris foils him by holding down a 6000 pound chopper and supporting himself with a 100 pound railing? Which actually works rather than rip chris in half , after the audience have a good laugh the scene ends with chris saving sebastian from drowning which somehow is the antidote to sebastians trance
william hurt
Yell yell yell yell national security yell yell yell protocol yell yell yell
robert downey jr
don't worry we will get chris back
william hurt
Fine I'll send a bunch of police officers to surround them afterall it worked well the first time
robert downey jr
Nah that won't be necessary just send chris friends accompanied by other super civilians to wreck sh*t and keep insurance companies busy
william hurt
So in other words reinstate the avengers that we just signed an accord to indirectly disband?
robert downey jr
Disband?
william hurt
Yea cause y'all didn't sign the accord and the consequence for that is retirement I mentioned that earlier
russo brothers
O yea we will find a place to squeeze in information that robert and don actually signed the accord rather than just show y'all when they did it
To be continued....
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Captain America(civil War) by severee(m): 7:40pm On Jul 12, 2016
william hurt
Well we've decided (after 8 years) that it's not right and so we are accord slapping your a*sses instead of you know........just asking y'all to retire and surrender your weapons or just killing you all to save us the headache
chris evans
Hmmm retire just like that? So we killed all those people and get away with a slap on the wrist?
william hurt
sad Accelerating a plot here people get your mind outta logic lane, just hurry up and pick sides before it begins to sink into the audience head
chris evans
Well you can't tell us what to do
robert downey jr
Well tough sh*t I just got grieve slapped by a black widow grin get it? Black widow?
audience
Ugh!
anthony mackie
I'm with chris because it's one black sidekick to a white lead
don cheadle
Then I'm with robert
scarlet johansson
I'm with robert but also with chris because women can't make up their minds in the MCU
elizabeth olsen
At least you're not forced to be on chris side and held by robert against your will to be uggled by a creepy robot....... Add that to murdering my parents and brother and you'll get a mystery as to why I haven't totally killed robert by now
chris evans
Hayleys dead oh sh*t my MILF I never got to score with her oh sh*t
emily vancamp
Its alright love
chris evans
You? Why are you in this movie?
emily vancamp
it was either me or maria hill
chris evans
As what?
emily vancamp
Your enabler
chris evans
Isn't that scarlet's job?
russo brothers
We haven't yet gotten a handle on your love life so I think we should just throw every female character into the franchise and see which sticks kinda like speed dating it will be fun
audience
More like gross and unnecessary
russo brothers
Let's skip to the next scene shall we
narrator
next we see gene farber a war criminal hiding out in a canadian outskirts sub urban america of all places
[b]daniel bruhl

Hey dude I crashed into your car you wanna let me in so we can talk?
gene farber
Ok one second let me just get my gun incase you aren't whom you say you are
daniel bruhl
Or maybe we could settle this with the police?
gene farber
Hmmm police that certainly makes you the real deal tell you what I'm not gonna pick up my gun and I definitely won't just ask you to leave since its my car and all, I will totally let you in
daniel bruhl
tongue sucker(clubs farber on da head)
narrator
by the time farber comes to he's hanging upside down over a bathtub filling with water
gene farber
What do you want?
daniel bruhl
The fall of an empire
gene farber

daniel bruhl
*rolling eyes* I wanna kill the avengers
gene farber
Uh shouldn't you be meeting with samuel jackson for that? Or probably teaming up with me I mean they are the reason why I'm out of a job and sh*t
daniel bruhl
Oh look your red book is not tattered and torn after over 20 years why didn't you burn this sh*t?
gene farber
Yea I just kept that I mean you never know when you'll want a hydra super soldier to do your laundry or clean your house and sh*t, anyway if I helpe answered your questions right now this movie will be 15minutes total so I'm not helping you destroy the avengers and save my life sad wait that came out wrong
daniel bruhl
Very well I guess I'll go the over the top MCU route(murders farber bada*ssly)
narrator
scarlet is at a conference in vienna surprisingly not in handcuffs, she introduces herself to john kani and american chadwick boseman whose pretending to be african by being totally cliched
scarlet johansson
Rather than just casting regular african actors right?
russo brothers
We only cast indigenous dudes when we want to suck its countrys d*ck but africa is not really on our radar right now
chadwick boseman
Besides who can play this role better than me?
scarlet johansson
Uh chiwetel ejiofor,triple A,that razak azeez dude from doom, david oyelowo
chadwick boseman
Oh yea? well I happen to be here and you happen to be giving me f*ck me eyes and apparently I abandoned my security post........... sad hey wait a minute
narrator
boom! The conference is attacked in order to frame sebastian
audience
Hey dawn of justice called they said stop stealing their sh*t
chadwick boseman
Hmmm perhaps we should totally arrest and investigate the avengers as only they stand to gain from this
scarlet johansson
Uh this totally doctored and convenient camera footage shows that sebastian stan did it
chadwick boseman
And what would a hydra operative and enemy of the avengers gain from this? Its not like robert can't move sh*t around to make sebastian take the fall for all I know robert probably fired an invisible tank missile at this place
scarlet johansson
sad n*gga you are african act the part
chadwick boseman
Well in that case.......raaaagh sebstian killed my wierdly old a*ss father and I want............revenge
chris evans
Hmmm I feel I should be doing something since this is my movie what to do what to do
scarlet johansson
The cops are unto your friend whom we are not sure we can trust but help him resist arrest anyway?
chris evans
Oh thanks now how do I find him what to do what to do
emily vancamp
Lucky you have me, sebastian stan has been located "hiding" in the city of romanian capital bucharest and by hiding I mean not making any effort to change his appearance, renting a posh condo and waltzing about the market place during the day to buy fruits
chris evans
Yes in my movie am letting two chicks to spoon feed me instructions and information this should definitely make fans to root for me against robert
anthony mackie
If we are to visit your friend we must rely on stealth
chris evans
That's right buddie
narrator
chris meets with sebastian in sebastians porche apartment totally geared to the teeth to "avoid" suspicion
chris evans
How can you afford this on a fugitive salary?
sebastian stan
Hydra still pays me pension and sh*t what do you want
chris evans
There are romanian cops on their way to kill you so we took the first 2 minute flight from america to show up in your apartment and look concerned seriously I'm actually here to ask you to surrender and get killed

romanian cops
This is the romanian police we are here to kill you that's why we are announcing our arrival
sebastian stan
Winter soldier no dey carry last(hops out window)
chris evans
No sebastian you have to surrender to police(kicks romanian police in the head and a*ss)cause we are the good guys(kicks romanian police teeth in) if you run you'll look guilty(kicks romanina police in the nuts)


To be continued.........
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Captain America(civil War) by severee(m): 7:04pm On Jul 11, 2016
kay9:
Dude grin grin grin you just had to spoof this one too, didnt you?

But i'll admit, the movie's premise and the opening scenes does require some suspension of common sense. smiley

grin I couldn't help myself, make I no lie them try for civil war I'm rly impressed almost like they listened to my age of ultron complaints and its waaaaaaaaaaaaay better than BvS
TV/Movies / Swing And A Miss: Captain America(civil War) by severee(m): 11:26am On Jul 11, 2016
narrator
the movie kicks off with the deleted avengers montage showing chris evans struggle to adjust to the modern world without his war buddies or hayley atwell who just kicked the bucket
russo brothers
Hmmmm that will certainly put people in chris evans shoes and understand why he does "certain things" in the movie.............that's why we shall cancel that
narrator
instead the russos opt for an unintentionally funny opening where sebastian stan is been brain washed in a hydra branch office
sebastian stan
Raaaaaaagh!
gene farber
Dude I bet you 20 bucks I can make you do anything
sebastian stan
Raaaagh!
gene farber
Alrightie(opens a red book) when I call the following words you shall become a soldier for hydra
sebastian stan
Seriously! I'm brainwashed by a book man that's bullsh*t Raaaaaaaagh

gene farber
Okay here I go: sh*t stain, p*nis sandwich,dong ice cream,c*m mouthwash
sebastian stan
Ok ok jesus what do you want?
gene farber
A certain superhero needs a tragic backstory grin
audience
Wait just like dawn of justice? Is there gonna be a Maaaaaaaaartha twist in this one too?
[B]russo brothers[/b]
What? Er No of course not(runs to go change script)
narrator
then we see the avengers 'suck-d*ck division' on another unsanctioned mission in los angelesLagos to defy the Laws of Nigeria Norm
elizabeth olsen
Hey look at me I'm drinking coffee at one of Nigeria's many coffee shops
scarlett johansson
And I'm wearing a leather jacket and leather boots when it is as hot as p*nis
During summer in Nigeria
chris evans
And I totally just slept in this room with no mosquito nets
anthony mackie
grin sh*t I'm standing at the top of one of Nigeria's many sky scrappers with my fully charged jetpack and mini drone undecided despite Nigeria's epileptic power situation
Nigeria
And we totally have a disease research center that foreign terrorists are attacking..........wait what?
narrator
the avengers strike at the right moment when the bad guys have already trashed the gates, made passersby sh*t their pants and flat out murdered everyone
frank grimlo
MuaHahahaha go go gagdet hammer go go gadget knife man I'm invincible..........wait a minute? I'm an opening sequence baddie? Aw c'mon I'm more bad*ss than this I mean I killed captain america in the comics
And sh*t ugh!
chris evans
Sky dive kick b*tches
terrorist
That's weird did you totally just jump out of your hotel room or something?
chris evans
Shut up and get decapitated( kills a ton of dudes graphically)
anthony mackie
Pffft! That's nothing watch me point blank shoot this dude in the head(does so)
chris evans
elizabeth take out the knock out gas in the lab and launch it into the sky don't worry it's nigeria so no one cares about air pollution
elizabeth olsen
Or we could wait and ambush the terrorists when they get outta the building
scarlet johansson
Or we could just rig their suvs with explosives and wait for them to get in
anthony mackie
Or better still we could just send paul betany to handle everything I mean that's why robert created him right?
chris evans
angry and not get to risk innocent lives and property destruction? Screw that
scarlett johansson
Wait a minute I haven't kicked a*ss in this scene got to fix that, and remember to wait for your turn guys while I kick the sh*t outta your friends
terrorists
And we will also choose to hand combat you despite our tight schedule
scarlett johansson
Aw thanks sweety(tries to kick frank's teeth in)
frank grimlo
MuaHaha I'm another super soldier in a movie filled with super soldiers so
Your r*pe prevention gadgets don't work on me.........anyway instead of totally snapping your neck like a freaking fish stick, I shall go all james bond villain on you and toss you into this SUV with a grenade and two 'dumbass henchmen who don't know what a grenade is' for company(does so)
narrator
luckily for scarlett the russo brothers don't know what a grenade is or what an explosion looks like so scarlet walks away from an explosion without going deaf or freaking losing a limb and sh*t
frank grimlo
Hey chris you dropped a building on my face and now I want.........REVENGE
chris evans
O_o any reason why you are being dramatic and sh*t?
russo brothers
Oh we're just getting started there's more where that came from
narrator
chris makes frank his b*tch despite frank being a hybrid of superman and inspector gadget
frank grimlo
*singing* when I say sebastian you stand still oya sebastian
chris evans
What's this mortal kombat? Why should I stand still just because you are dressed as sub-zero and you called sebastians name?
frank grimlo
angry Sebastian
chris evans
*rolling eyes* ok I mean *gasp* angry WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME?!!! WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME?!!! WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME?!!!
frank grimlo
Oh good you are distracted time to make a slip or shove a wrist buzz saw down your throat or something EAT GRENADE YOU QUERE!!!! Go go gadget hand grenade
elizabeth olsen
Not so fast frank(does whatever the f*ck she does which contains frank just at the right moment........undecided that is when the grenade already went off)
chris evans
Quick shove him in the ground
elizabeth olsen
cool No I've got a better idea(tosses frank into a building) oops sad
anthony mackie
sad I guess your "bad ideas" followed you from the last avengers huh?
chris evans
Oh sh*t Quick! we've gotta hide elizabeth from a Nigerian lynch mob........... wait you mean nigerians who lynch innocent people in suspicion of witch craft will totally sit out on lynching elizabeth right now? Man I call bullsh*t on this one

narrator
next we see robert downey jr sending relief materials to sokovian refugees giving a talk to some undergrads brought to you courtesy of M.I. m*therfucking T
robert downey
My parents were murdered in a "make it look like an accident" assassination plot and because my head is full of saw dust I totally didn't investigate the finger prints around my mothers neck or my fathers punched in face or the totally robbed trunk of their car instead I built this implausible device which CGIs you to death to make you creepy younger.............now on a non related note, I'VE FUNDED YOUR SCHOOL PROJECTS
students
Jesus! you called us to the auditorium for this? Couldn't you like send a newsletter to our college accounts or sms our phones or something?
school lecturer
Hey robert I've got this idea you'll love
robert downey jr
Eat a d*ck nerd wow obviously I didn't learn my anything from iron man three whatever, I'll just hop into this unsecured elevator in this creepy hallway I just hope I don't come across an ironman hater right now or I'm toast
william sharpe
robert I've been waiting at this elevator for you this whole time cause I totally knew you would ditch everyone and take this particular elevator alone and without your iron suit
robert downey jr
Yea that's kinda st*pid but you're a black welfare queen so my paranoid senses are tingling like crazy
william sharpe
angry n*gga I'm no welfare queen I'm just a single parent and civil servant whose son was killed in sokovia leaving me with his college loans and sh*t oh wait I'm a welfare queen sad wow did tyler perry write this?
robert downey jr
Oh right! This is definitely the first troll I've seen since the avengers kicked off now I'm sad hence growing a conscience for the gazillionth time
william hurt
Luckily for you the world hates you guys so now will be the time to exercise your guilt and act like a d*ck

Hey guys so you know how you go round the world trashing things
killing people and leaving without cleaning up?
(Shows a montage of MCU movie climaxes for continuity sake)
chris evans
Wow who got all that footage from those dangerous positions? The Suicide squad? grin see? I made a modern culture joke oh right I'm not adjusting to modern culture anymore that's good carry on willie

To be continued....

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