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TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Captain America(civil War) by severee(m): 5:06am On Aug 27, 2016 |
robert downey jr Anyway this is more like an avengers basketball match I've got don chris evans I've got anthony scarlet johansson I've got chad anthony mackie I've got jeremy jeremy renner Uh I'm retired and totally stand to gain or lose nothing from this keving feige except a paycheck you dumbf*ck jeremy renner Fine! I've got paul rudd chris evans I've got my untrained and traumatized elizabeth and sebastian don't worry he's cool now I know that because he remembers my mothers name robert downey jr Aw that makes us uneven audience How about your manually controlled robots from age of ultron robert downey jr Goddamit would you quit it with the common sense audience I'm just trying to help robert downey jr Mtchew! narrator robert travels to newyork to f*ck marisa tomei(the most cheerful and sexy widow in the world) and risk the life of her "son" despite being grieved stricken by a single parent who lost her son meanwhile chris and sebastian sneak out of the country by suiting up and using the totally public airport like a couple of geniuses emily vancamp Yay I'm still alive despite smashing a cocobolo desk and I'm totally cool with your sebastian friend chilling like nothing happened infact I'm committing treason for him.............oh all these st*pidity makes me h*rny can we f*ck on the hood of your car? chris evans Nah it's a pg-rated movie so let's settle for disturbing the audience by making out audience with the niece of your girlfriend few scenes after her death? #Classy chris evans F*ck you narrator meanwhile back at the avengers mansion elizabeth isn't done annoying us with her irritatingly fake accent paul betany Hey I cooked you dinner and wore a sweater and khaki pants for swag purposes elizabeth olsen Why? Oh God please don't tell me I'm gonna f*ck a robot in this movie come on paul betany But according to the comics we've got the hots for each other elizabeth olsen *sigh* paul betany I'll be back I've got to go change into something comfortable (gets zapped by jeremy and then force field into the ground by elizabeth like she should have done to frank grillo) elizabeth olsen Phew!Thank you narrator and so the avengers battle olympics begins as iron man kicks off by destroying a helicopter in typical avengers fashion tom holland Time for the big reveal.......spiderman is in this movie audience Um yay? I mean we totally saw this part in the trailer and what's with peter parker always being a high school student in the movies? come on he's graduated twice already perhaps y'all should find a story in a timeline in college or working photographer jeez paul rudd Grrr! I'm a douchebag so I'll pick on the minor marvel The moral of the story is bullying and picking on minors is adorable Signed Marvel team tom holland Hmmm ant man spiderman so many insect men up in here anyone got a bug spray? Get it? Spiderman humor(gets kicked in the teeth for his bad joke) chris evans Thanks paul hey robert it's time to...... robert downey jr No not yet I wanna fight jeremy renner first elizabeth olsen ahem! robert downey jr Oh sh*t who set elizabeth free? elizabeth olsen You locked me in my room robert downey jr Say what you will but at least I'm not using you as a divertion so I can slip off. With my boyfriend and risk having you captured or killed elizabeth olsen Good point but not good enough because I'm mad robert downey jr Wait I killed your family and you've finally decided to kill me cause I grounded you? And is anyone else not buying that you aren't a teenager? For the love of God you look 30 elizabeth olsen *gasp* why you (drops a bunch of cars on robert) robert downey jr seriously that didn't kill me? Even though my suit scatters like lego toys in iron man 3? Okay narrator meanwhile sebastian and anthony re-enact a tom and jerry cartoon scene by getting their a*sses kicked by tom holland sebastian stan Wait am I seriously losing to a teenager? Especially when I just bashed everyone in the previous scene? anthony mackie Grrrr I'm gonna aggressively beat this kid cause that's what we black people do right? paul rudd Hey scarlet wanna flirt fight? scarlet johansson *rolling eyes* this will be embarassing (and it is especially when she flips on her own like a freaking looney) scarlet johansson eat buzz for making me look like a crazy person (zaps paul) paul rudd Hey that nearly killed me you c*nt I thought this was a friendly match(endagers roberts life by messing with roberts wiring) hmmm its weird just how many attempted murders have been committed in this friendly match(tossing fuel car at roberts avengers) don cheadle *in southern slave accent*Em who do I battles sirs robert downey jr Go crazy take on chris don cheadle Ooo yes masser I'm ons its masser(chris makes him his b*tch) really guys? chad boswick I'm on it (is made a b*tch too) I don't need this mess I should be looking for sebastian narrator scarlett and jeremy have a rematch scarlett jeremy Hey so how is retirement? having fun with no neighbours? jeremy renner Having fun with no man in your life? scarlett johansson hey I'm playing catch up not spit roast choke on my crotch mr bland jeremy renner I'm not mr bland I just happen to play leading roles in failed franchises and side kicks in successful ones (choking) Guys.... Little help? elizabeth olsen (Tosses scarlett with her force field) no means no go get a vibrator instead of rubbing on every guy you see scarlett johansson Oh Gawd I need to go to a hospital robert downey jr Psst suck that up b*tch everyone form brave heart formation I've got scarlet,tommy,don,chadwick and paul my hommie paul betany elizabeth left me with blue balls and I want................revenge chris evans And I've got anthony,elizabeth,jeremy,paul and sebastian robert downey jr In other words the tacky team chris evans no its not robert downey jr admit it my team sh*ts on your team.......aiit now seriously chris stand down I don't want to kill you chris evans That's why you fired countless tank missiles at us robert downey jr Hey elizabeth dropped cars on me Okay now I'm pissed stand down or we'll make your gritty franchise campy and silly chris evans [s]robert, look sebastian is been framed by a dude in siberia let's go hunt him down you can keep sebastian prisoner as a sign of goodwill[/s] ATTACK!!!! tom holland They are not stopping mr downey robert downey jr Very well,Let's camp the f*ck outta this movie chris evans the hell you are (picks on tom holland) you should have more respect for your elders get it? Cause I'm over a hundred years old and...... audience Zzzzzzzzzz chris evans A*ss sebastian stan c'mon this scene is taking forever let's go clear my name already chris evans Haha like taking down daniel will suddenly make the world forget all the other people you killed..... oh you aint kidding okay let's "clear your name" I guess paul rudd I'll cover you so you can run(grows big) robert downey jr Seriously, you know we can totally run around you paul rudd no you can't... see? don just flew right into my grasp robert downey jr That's doesn't count don's an *diot don cheadle hey! chadwick boseman I mean we could also trip him with a stair car or something robert downey jr Or I can fire a rocket at him paul rudd Would you stop talking about how this is a bad idea c'mon the fan b*ners are to the roof don't ruin it (Paul flies through him). Goddammit what did I just say?(Destroys a plane for no reason) narrator chris and sebastien bump into scarlett scarlett johansson I'm taking you guys in sebastien stan c'mon we had choke sex in the last scene doesn't that count scarlett johansson Alright you may pass chris evans And we played tongue hockey in the last movie scarlett johansson Aii that's a pass too chad boswick Grrrrr you aint leaving till I kill your a*ss scarlett johansson Yea I'm definitely gonna have fun stunning your uppity a*ss chad boswick Hey buh we........oh sh*t(gets stunned to sh*t) narrator meanwhile paul mind r*pes elizabeth is about to go 2nd base with her robert downey jr Hey paul shoot down paul bettany AMERICA!!! (Shoots down don instead) oops wait that still counts right? robert downey jr fine I'll complete the racist cycle myself(blasts anthony to kingdom come) anyone gonna chase chris oh forget it To be continued..... |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Captain America(civil War) by severee(m): 5:06am On Aug 27, 2016 |
@eapps, @ thenairama
for una mind una don yan abi? |
Jobs/Vacancies / Re: 14 Hilarious Jobs To Meet A Celebrity In Lagos by severee(m): 3:25pm On Aug 21, 2016 |
Naijasinglegirl: Op you forgot to add bleaching cream sales and cocaine smuggling |
Pets / Re: Please What Breed Is This Dog??? by severee(m): 6:50pm On Aug 20, 2016 |
TadeDada: Lol see as u hold e neck una dey fight? |
Pets / Re: Please What Breed Is This Dog??? by severee(m): 5:37pm On Aug 19, 2016 |
K9blunt: It kinda loox like a belgian shepherd dog we have plenty of those ere that pass for german shepherds 1 Like |
Romance / Re: A Big Boy Posses With Unclad B*tches On Facebook by severee(m): 7:22am On Aug 18, 2016 |
bamosagie:Must the gals always look gross? 1 Like |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 7:07am On Aug 18, 2016 |
ades0la:yea its rly sad |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 12:28am On Aug 18, 2016 |
ades0la:wish I could but deadpool already yabbed itself for us |
Politics / Re: Neya Uzor Kalu's Look To Seyi Tinubu's Wedding by severee(m): 7:57pm On Aug 17, 2016 |
nnachidav: See nigerian, instead make you claim am for me you dey piss untop my bush lillies, kneel down der |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 6:04pm On Aug 17, 2016 |
ades0la: thanx 1 Like |
Politics / Re: Neya Uzor Kalu's Look To Seyi Tinubu's Wedding by severee(m): 9:14am On Aug 17, 2016 |
ezeagu: my friend how dare you insult my future father inlaw? Kneel down dere 6 Likes 1 Share |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 8:44am On Aug 17, 2016 |
henry cavill Ew did someone just eat him up and puked him out? why does he look so gross? jesse eisenberg yea I guess it would have been cooler and more terrifying if we made a zombie micheal shannon henry cavill Ugh he looks like that crappy toxic avenger dude from the 80s jesse eisenberg Yea yea henry cavill Almost looks like some disgruntled dude just f*cked him up to get at zack snyder jesse eisenberg Well I gues...... henry cavill Gosh! I mean Did he fall in a bowl of sh*t or is that just how he looks dooms day WE GET IT!!!(Punches henry outter the building) narrator then they start to fight and when I mean fight I mean they begin to trash the Gotham surroundings ben affleck What da? hey are you gonna pay to repair the roads you 're trashing? you're lucky our moms have the same name or I would have lost my sh*t henry cavill C'mon money bags you can pay for it ben affleck Godammit I aint made of cash can't you fight him in space or something? henry cavill Hmmm good idea narrator so henry kicks dooms days a*ss into space meanwhile the military does what they do best in these kind of movies which is sit on their hands and act like *diots military personnel Hey henry is fighting the bogey and has taken him to space harry lennix Awww! He really does love us........now nuke his a*ss military personnel Wait what? harry lennix Well to prevent what happened last time, I'm not so sure why we only see these people when henry is around and most of all I've always wanted to look like I know what I'm doing military personnel Okay.. FIRE!! narrator they fire a nuclear missile at henry and doomsday which kills henry for 2minutes and tickles doomsday military personnel *judgemental look* sir it's raining doomsday harry lennix Dammit where is henry? military personnel Well he didn't come along so what do you think? harry lennix Well I guess its back to sitting on my hands military personnel Ugh! Now he's copying hulk and king kong moves ben affleck Oh great nice going harry now I have to fight him on my own using the lesson I never learnt when going up against henry(doomsday trashes his bat jet) Hey how am I still alive? doomsday Prepare to be laser eye f*cked you jerk ben affleck Oh sh*t wished the meta humans were here ezra miller My mommy is calling me(runs home from milk store) jason momoa I'm too busy with the momoa fish to poor people foundation cyborg Let's do this audience wow that's what you look like? cyborg Yea what do I look like? audience You look like bucket of LFMAO gosh I guess dc is really trying to bring some laughs into their franchise huh? cyborg *cries and runs home* gal gadot I'll save you my love narrator just as doomsday is about to dubstep ben gal gadot Hey I never asked how did you send me that email? it's not like you have my address or even knew my name ben affleck And lucky for you that your costume just happens to be closeby even though you clearly looked like you were done being a superhero except you're a stripper or something narrator henry wakes up and continues his project gotham demolition ben affleck Dude show a lil class c'mon gal's over here fighting doomsday yet you don't see any buildings falling down henry cavill Yeowch! Who is this cactus flower? ben affleck She bleeds........like 5 days a month henry cavill Ugh ew I guess she's with you ben affleck No she's with you henry cavill No she's with you ben affleck No she's with you narrator meanwhile amy struggles to be relevant to the plot but ends up drowning cause NOBODY CARES..back to the super fight gal gadot Taste my blade now taste my sonic boom now taste my lasso doomsday Hmmm hw big is this lasso to bound me and fit in your holster at the same time? henry cavill You nit picker taste pure kryptonian knuckles ben affleck Woa y'all look pretty busy so If you need me I'll be over here sh*tting a brick jeremy irons Shouldn't you be blasting doomsday with your krypto gun or better yet, picking up your staff to kill doomsday with it? ben affleck hey gimme a break I just kicked kryptonian a*ss, kicked a ton of russian thug a*ss, murdered a super villain and survived a plane crash, all that awesomeness can tire someone out you know audience like us (puke from being dizzy) doomsday YOU!!! ben affleck Gulp! Mommy(begins to flee)ok fine jeremy what did you say about my spear? I'm totally running to go get it(nose sprouts like pinnochio) henry cavill Ok guys time out amy is in trouble gat to go gal gadot Hey hang on why not just get ben to do it? you left your mom in his care a while ago I can't take out doomsday on my own.... sh*t he's gone what a jerk narrator henry rescues amy and then retrieves the krypto spear which weakens him instantly and when I say "weaken" I mean still possessing power of flight and super strength but just moan and acting drunk kind of weakness henry cavill Hey are you ok? amy adams Me? Pfft! B*tch please after downing so much dirty water in my lungs....of course I'm fine henry cavill Well I've gotta go guilt trip the world by killing myself instead of simply handing the spear over to ben or gal amy adams What? No henry cavill I love you amy, cavill out(flies off) ben affleck Oh yea this is actually the best time to shoot a krypto gas pellet at doomsday henry cavill Smh ben affleck Hey where are you going with my spear? Don't get yourself killed c'mon whose gonna help DCEU in the box office? jared leto Did someone call for DCs "joker card"? ben affleck Oh right carry on narrator henry stabs doomsday in the heart henry cavill f*ck YOU!!!!!! doomsday Hmm speaking of f*cking(t*tty f*cks henry with his exo-skeletal claws) narrator and they both die audience Pfft!Bologne zack snyder I hate you, you never support anything I do all you care abt is joss whedon I wish you were dead(runs to his room crying) ben affleck *sigh* Well I guess it all worked out in the end *high fives gal* amy adams Hmmm a scary violent unpredictable vigilante, a weirdly dressed super strengthened woman and a giant monster wow I'm so scared I bet everyone can see that in my totally emotionless expressions narrator meanwhile a swat team storms the kryptonian spaceship and find jesse Stealing from the plot of marvels avengers [b]swat team What da f*ck? jesse eisenberg Uh this is not what it looks like Wait a minute why are you here it's not like you have any evidence to arrest me and the only witness you have is a dead alien and his girlfriend swat team Uh ok we'll just keep you in holding till we find/forge some*evil smiles* narrator then there's a mass burial for henry cavill which makes for a very interesting story when amy has to explain how human henry cavill is also dead at the same time everyone wait we are not supposed to know henry is superman henry cavill Grrr! I'm not super.....uh oh zack snyder why you plot spoiling son of a b*tch narrator ben visits jesse in prison ben affleck B*tch despite hearing of how my branding kills people I've decided to do it anyway. BTW why aren't you in guantanamo? jesse eisenberg because I'm insane(sh*ts on hands and write on the walls with it) ben affleck Cool....will take you to arkham then have some friends over there toodles(brands wall) jesse eisenberg Hmm at least try to give a sh*t about the next prisoner who will occupy this room don't you think the branded wall will mean execution for them too? End |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 3:23am On Aug 13, 2016 |
narrator amy is dragged before jesse eisenberg so he can st*pidly reveal his plans amy adams Er you found out about the bullets right? Wait a minute why didn't I turn that over to anyone jesse eisenberg Bullets? What bullets? amy adams The bullets I found in da....ugh! So why are you openly slapping a kidnapping charge on your a*ss? jesse eisenberg how about we throw in an attempted murder charge in the mix cause I've tossed ben and henry in a epic match so ben can totally kill henry with the kryptonite he took off me amy adams O_o ok? So how do you get them together? Throw another "rob the f*ck outta me" dinner party? jesse eisenberg No actually what I did was 1. Uncover batman and superman's secret identity 2. Friended an african war lord 3. Waited till the said african warlord invited you over to 4. Then callan will out micheal cassidy as a spy because somehow the cia will want in on the action and will infiltrate the african warlords compound using you as cover 5. Then luckily henry in his destructive fashion will arrive just in time to destroy a missile and drone over the compound rendering the cia blind but not in time to find callan roasting the rebels 6.Then I bribe an african lady to lie that henry attacked the village luckily also the cia won't be stoked about sticking around to properly investigate the casualties(and the bullet holes in them) before deciding that calvin did it even though they never saw him take out the drone 7. Then I'll pay some dudes to kill a prisoner and make it look like its because he has a batman tatoo and no one will wonder why criminals with bat tats are more hated than the normal criminals 8. Then I'll pray like crazy for henry to watch the news and take offence with ben but not just toss ben in a jail cell with his pinky 9. Then I paid homage to breaking bad by rigging scoots wheel chair with explosives jena malone Number 9 was made possible because there was lead around the wheel chair which stopped henry from seeing the bomb(collects paycheck and leaves) jesse eisenberg 10. Graffitti and send ben prank notes like a 10 year old then I........... hey why are you smiling? You're supposed to be terrified amy adams Because this all sounds like a parody of ozymandias plan from watchmen with extra cheesiness jesse eisenberg you dare laugh at my plans(tosses amy off a building) amy adams yawn! Oh I mean waaaaaaah! I'm so petrified oh the horror of falling to ones death, the terror the zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz oh sorry I mean a........ I mean a......... Well I'm petrified? henry caville I've got you baby now if you excuse me I shall leave you unattended you know just incase you wanna get kidnapped again amy adams Wooo! What a rush, my hands aren't even shaking so I guess I should go talk to ben about how jesse is setting he and henry up..............or maybe I should just stand around till the movie needs me again narrator henry [s]grabs jesse by the ears and forces him to confess to his acts of terror in africa and metropolis[/s] confronts jesse with his epic constipated frown henry cavill Grrrrr! Why did you toss my girlfriend off the building? jesse eisenberg what makes you so sure I did it maliciously? for all I know we could have been waltzing and she slipped and fell off so what are you mad at me for? henry cavill cause the finger sandwiches at your party tasted like hot armpits and your wine tasted like piss that's why I hate you jesse eisenberg Anyway I kidnapped diane and now I shall force you to do my bidding muahahahahahahahaha! henry cavill yea sure like I can't circumnavigate the universe and find her within the fraction of a second*flips through script* oh I mean MOMMA!!!!! *sucks on his thumbs* ok what do you want? jesse eisenberg Well I want you to go fight ben henry cavill Why? are you gonna be watching? jesse eisenberg No henry cavill Is anyone gonna be watching? jesse eisenberg Er........no henry cavill Then why the f*ck am I fighting him? jesse eisenberg Because God didn't save me from my abusive father when I was a kid henry cavill wait what? jesse eisenberg You heard me henry cavill So you want vendetta for your dad beating your a*ss? How does that even add up? And what are you mad at me for? I'm no god you should be mad gal gadot instead she's the one whose a goddess and all jesse eisenberg just shut up and go kill ben ok? You've got one hour henry cavill Fine! By the way I'm just gonna holla my girl real quick you mind? jesse eisenberg *shrugs* she's your mom(hops into chopper) narrator henry meets with amy henry cavill he's got my mom amy adams Ok so go save her I mean you could torture jesse and get him to call off her hit or you use your super hearing or vision to track her I mean that should only take about 10minutes henry cavill Nah f*ck that, I'll rather go negotiate with a crazy dude gosh! Maybe I shouldn't have f*cked up his ride cab man Hey aint that superman? Why am I not totally taking a pic of him french kissing a metro chick and putting it on twitter or selling it to a journalist? *shrugs* narrator henry approaches ben but first he damages the floor because "he comes in peace" henry cavill Er why are you wearing a trash can with a cape? ben affleck Tell me....do you laugh? henry cavill Never mind it's not that funny anyway,so hey ben I need your help(shoves ben to mecca) ben affleck That's why you mentioned my characters first name are you trying to blackmail me? Eat sonic waves you quere(blasts henry with sonic waves that don't deafen ben or shatter the window of buildings nearby) henry cavill C'mon man you are the only one who can help me(trashes ben's gadget violently) ben affleck I'm listening(overdoses henry on bullets) henry cavill hey you better not have wrecked my suit(checks) well what do you know, my suit is bullet proof as well (Tosses ben onto the roof of a building of course in man of steel tradition he totally wrecks someones apartment while doing so) ben affleck Ooooooooooouch! Wait how does this metal suit stop me from feeling the effects of gravity or pain? Oh sh*t henry is coming (tosses smoke screen at him) henry cavill Hey dude c'mon I don't wanna hurt ya you know you're being a real b*tch right now and what makes you think I can't float over the smoke screen or see through it? ben affleck Because you are a m*ron and everyone wants me to beat your a*ss so they've made you extra st*pid for this fight(fires a krypto gas pellet at henry) henry cavill Gas? Really? Have you forgotten that I fought in freaking space in the last movie? I bet I don't even use my nose at all(does so anyway) oh lord I have inhaled kryptonite gas and now I'm as light as a feather but tough enough to not burst open when smudged between metal and hardass concrete ben affleck Yea and I hid my secret weapon at the bottom of the world let's just hope you don't recover before we get there now time for some badass ninja skills like straddle punching(straddle punches henry to recovery) oh sh*t henry cavill Well I can see asking for your help is a bad idea so I'll just go find my mom by myself or maybe just throw you a punch(does so) or maybe two(does so) or maybe three(does so) ok fine I'll stay and fight grrrrrr!(Gets gased again) the f*ck man how did I fall for this twice? ben affleck grrrr you trashed my garbage can suit? I ma go WWE on your a*ss(crashes a toilet sink on henry head)then I ma toss you off a flight of stairs(does so) and just for the kicks I ma take you fishing(makes henry his b*tch with a fishing rod) now time to test and see how sharp my kryptonite spear is(gives henry a tribal mark) yep it is sharp enough, time to go buddie any last words? henry cavill Martha ben affleck Haha few seconds from your death and you're making yo mama jokes that aren't even funny henry cavill No you don't understand my mom's name is martha and........ ben affleck She's a kryptonian and I should totally kill her too good call buddie henry cavill shut up dude! My mom just got her a*ss kidnapped and I was blackmailed to fight you ben affleck yea right! amy adams He's telling the truth ben affleck Oh ok(tosses his spear) this totally erases your raucus in metropolis, henry cavill Gotham? ben affleck C'mon its a hollywood superhero movie you think trashing a few rooms screams FINALE henry cavill Yea you are right now go find my mother yes that's right I want you who I don't trust and is a 1million times slower than I am to go save my mom ben affleck Yea good thing jesse didn't find a way to monitor you to make sure you followed his instructions jeremy irons I've located diane lane with my magic powers she's in a cliched russian warehouse with 3 floors filled with armed russian dudes facing one direction are you sure you are the man for the job? I mean shouldn't you be confronting jesse instead? narrator ben rushes into action by wasting a bunch of time getting change of clothes and probably shaving and catching a tv show before heading to rescue henry's mother zack snyder Now time to cream your shorts for that awesome fight scene I put in the trailer narrator scene is exactly how it's in the trailer without an addition or subtraction audience That's it I'm getting a refund I can just watch the youtube trailers and have a filled day zack snyder Hey wait callan and ben are about to have a showdown callan mulvey If you take one step you'll see the inside of her head........wait haven't we done this before? Yea the showdown between the african rebel and henry with amy inbetween zack snyder Yea it's a take on how ben would have done it audience *praying* God please let there be a good fight scene please please callan mulvey I'll kill her ben affleck Tell that to my killing joke(blasts callan anticlimatically) diane lane A dude just got brutally roasted by a murderous scary vigilante that certainly turns me on watch my orgasm face audience there's no God narrator meanwhile henry confronts jesse again jesse eisenberg Henry we have to stop meeting like this......... uh you didn't kill ben? Wait is my objective to kill ben or henry or both? I'm getting my objectives muddled again cause now it looks like I just wanna trash gotham for no reason henry cavill Why am I not arresting you right now.....o sh*t what's that jesse eisenberg Your doomsday To be continued...... |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 9:11pm On Aug 12, 2016 |
kryptonian1987: "hahaha! na obsession won kill you so oh!" - wise words of kryptonian1987 kryptonian1987: Hmmm even tho it's actually one of the highest rated and grossing movies of this year? Like I said whatever helps you sleep at nite |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 3:11pm On Aug 12, 2016 |
kryptonian1987:What's this one saying? kryptonian1987:Debating? More like laffing I mean bvs is like a documentary on how to make an awful movie kryptonian1987:Whatever helps you sleep at nite man kryptonian1987: I have a post for civil war as well you can look it up if you like |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 3:26am On Aug 12, 2016 |
ben affleck Hey I just heard that scoot never got his pay checks what gives man? And who keeps sending me these prank letters? These aint funny no more worker Um boss? The town hall just blew up and scoot along with it ben affleck Really? Oh then back to work I guess narrator meanwhile jesse is working on micheal shannons body totally unsupervised jesse eisenberg Yes even though I'm not a scientist or a kryptonian I've stored vast knowledge and technicalities thanks to the 10minute tutorial video carla gugino gave me carla gugino You're welcome jesse eisenberg Now time to re-animate micheal shannon by splicing my dna with micheal's dead corpse and shoving him into the lazarus pit Wait why is there a lake in this space craft? How did no one get electrocuted before now?and how does my dna get to micheal shannon when my blood like totally difussed in this bigass lake? And what makes me so sure he will kill henry this time I mean they were 5 of them the last time and they didn't even get close to rumpling his shirt zack snyder shut up and make a joke before the audiences head explode jesse eisenberg Ok ok you flew too close to the sun micheal shannon Wait how does that make any sense is my skin tanned? jesse eisenberg No micheal shannon Is the sun suddenly harmful to kryptonians? jesse eisenberg What? No micheal shannon I don't get it was there a deleted scene or alternate ending in man of steel where I flew into the sun and got fragged jesse eisenberg Dude? micheal shannon *rolling eyes* Ok ok jeez narrator it's finale time and all the characters furiously prepare for it, ben affleck prepares by moping around like he was forced to eat cheese puffs outta a dudes a*ss jeremy irons So old man what are you doing? ben affleck I'm thinking because that's what old people do jeremy irons C'mon don't worry too much it's bad for your blood pressure and you know you got your athritis and all audience *rolling eyes* Ugh! we get it ben is an older batman jeremy irons So how exactly are you gonna win this fight against a dude who ripped your bat mobile apart by sneezing on it audience #1 Oh my God it's fan service time audience #2 Yea since he stashes his enemies weapons after their capture I bet he's gonna bulk up with banes venom and then distract henry with scarecrows gas and then do some crazy martial arts nerve-paralyzing move he got from the league of shadows and from kryptonian anatomy which he somehow knows about ben affleck Nah an anticipated fight like batman v superman should be totally unmemorable So I'll just borrow iron man's hulk buster, spray henry in the face with kryptonite and call it a day narrator diane lane also prepares for the finale by getting her a*ss kidnapped diane lane why hello sexy dude who looks like oliver martinez, you wanna pork me in the bathroom for old times sake callan mulvey First of all this isn't unfaithful, second you are 12 years older so ew and lastly I'm totally here to kidnap your a*ss for being henry's mother diane lane Finally! I mean with all the clues we carelessly leave behind what took y'all so long?(Gets kidnapped) narrator amy adams prepares for the finales by willingly walking into a trap amy adams Hey callan you totally look familiar oh sh*t callan mulvey Yea I'm about to kidnap your a*ss in this totally public place I just hope you aren't smart enough to scream and alert passersby amy adams (Gets kidnapped too) narrator gal prepares for the finale by being as boring as f*ck gal gadot Hmmm ben knows my secret identity so I've to run for it in narrator we are introduced to flash,aquaman and cyborg ezra miller Hi I'm an flash I fight crime and conceal my identity by not disconnecting the freaking surveillance camera jason momoa I'm aquaman the most unrelatable comic book character in the universe and don't judge me for taking on a movie that directors are avoiding...... I mean it's not like Game Of Thrones is gonna pay my mortgage scientist Hi I'm making a blooper video about experiments gone wrong now time to run around like an *diot while a dude screams like his nuts are on fire and the audience shake their heads in disappointment while marvel laugh theirs off ryan reynolds And I'm green lanter........ audience (Holding up a tyre iron)What you say? ryan reynolds Er nothing gal gadot Yep I'm definitely leaving audience Wait for us To be continued...... |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 10:33am On Jul 29, 2016 |
narrator callan mulvey brings the kyptonite to jesse jesse eisenberg what da f*ck happened to my delivery truck? Were drag racing with it again? And where are your hommies? Are they on goons strike again? callan mulvey Well er jesse eisenberg Psyche! I don't care about all these or the trail your smuggling left behind that could lead the cops to me all I care about is my newly acquired kryptonite.......now shove it in this show glass so ben can come steal it later callan mulvey Wait you wanted ben to have it? Then why didn't you dump it at his door step or instruct us to toss it off the truck when he was killing our a*sses? jesse eisenberg dude it's been over an hour already in this confusing movie are you still asking questions? callan mulvey I guess not narrator so ben Repair damaged bat-mobile back to his batcave which is kind of hilarious ben affleck Grrrr! Henry wrecked my bat mobile oh I'm gonna show him I'm gonna make him bleed jeremy! Jeremy!! Get your old wrinkled a*ss out here jeremy irons What? ben affleck Why the f*ck were you radio-silenced when my batmobile was getting sh*tfaced? jeremy irons boy you don't talk to me like that! Now go fix me a cup of coffee 3 creams 4 sugars ASAP! ben affleck Yes sir jeremy irons And while you are at it,abandon the "hunt for henry" plot and go about your life normally ben affleck buh I wanna........... jeremy irons Boy you wanna get slapped into another planet? ben affleck no sir narrator meanwhile in metropolis it finally dawns on henry that he's a jerk and everyone is right to hate him henry cavill Amy I've finally realized that I'm a jerk and everyone is right to hate me amy adams Like duh you totally trashed two military drones and an american city which you've not apologized for by the way plus everyone is in the dark about who you are and what your mission on earth is I mean why did micheal shannon want you so badly? Were you a fugitive on krypton? Or a dual personality schizophrenic? Or a kryptonian spy who betrayed micheal to deceive us? Its no surprise they hate you if there's any surprise it's that they built a monument for you while hating you at the same time zack snyder Contradictions...... That's the snyder trademark henry cavill Trust me a b*tch slap isn't something you'll want from a guy like me amy adams Ok fine how about you organize a press conference like tony stark did at the end of ironman 1 you could explain your mission on earth and apologize for the mess you've made so far henry cavill That's a good idea but what I need is a dumb idea so let's go over it again amy adams Well you could track down the casualty from the metro attacks and help them get closure with the whole incident henry cavill Still a good idea amy adams Okay rebuild metropolis henry cavill Go dumb amy adams Reverse time henry cavill Dumber amy adams Hang up your cape and keep your promise to kevin costner henry cavill Dumber amy adams Don't know what to say man except you wanna go on one of em "grill your a*ss tribunals" which are totally biased and can make the world hate you even more henry cavill Hmmm I'll do that amy adams Yea...... wait what henry cavill Yea I mean what totally destroyed dr manhattan in watchmen will definitely work in my favour right? Thanks hun narrator somehow henry sends the word out that he'll seat with senator holly or senator holly has been holding empty hearings everyday since she reached out to henry or let's just say henry chose to appear at a hearing that holly coincidentally held for henry .....anyway holly bumps into jesse jesse eisenberg Hi holly holly hunter Quick arrest him jesse eisenberg Arrest me? Why? holly hunter Your jesse eisenberg Damn I must have really scrooged her over on the bribe for her to pick jail just to get back at me, anyway I gotta go get my prison shoes BRB holly hunter Ok jesse eisenberg Enjoy your hot seat holly hunter Huh? jesse eisenberg A hot seat for a really hot lady *snickering* holly hunter Wait you're not gonna blow up this hearing to cover your tracks are you? jesse eisenberg What? Me? HELL no holly hunter *scowls* narrator so henry appears before a hearing just in time for the hall to go BOOM!! zack snyder Nah this doesn't scream zack snyder let's combine two scenes , play a suspense score and build up to the hall exploding larry fong O_o you mean like dark knight when heath ledger went around whacking the participants of the money laudering case against eric roberts? zack snyder *sigh* yea narrator in the build up we see the holly hunter So henry this is how we approach things here on earth henry cavill you do know I grew up on earth right? I mean you totally heard micheal shannon announce it and all holly hunter Ok ok now what we are going to do here is..........wait is that pee? Gross who put pee on my table how did they sneak this past security so easily that's so gross where's jesse? narrator everyone suddenly goes silent and appear to be in deep thought scoot mcnairy Hmmm my wheel chair is getting hot tao okamoto Hmmm I just noticed I haven't said sh*t in this movie henry cavill[b] Wait are we out of milk at home [b]narrator then zack being a genius pumps life into the theatre with a nuclear bomb explosion which takes out the whole town hall audience Wait all that came from a guys wheel chair? This explosion actually looks like a jumbo fighter jet dropped it zack snyder Well I bet everyone here was successfully shocked audience Yea shocked that a kick-a*ss character like mercy graves was totally wasted do you read comics at all? zack snyder d*ck nuts henry cavill Ugh! Not another explosion this better not have wrecked my suit......oh wait I'm fine, it was nice chatting with y'all survivors Helppppppp mmmme henry cavill Oh right I still do those(helps out survivors) fire fighter You are a hero man henry cavill Awww thanks dude news Who did this? fire fighter Henry did it henry cavill why I outta....... To be continued..... |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Captain America(civil War) by severee(m): 3:16pm On Jul 13, 2016 |
chadwick boseman Haha I bet everyone is excited to see my alter ego just a few seconds after declaring fukushu on sebastians a*ss russo brothers Yea its only a test run to see if you're cool so screw mystery cause it's overrated sebastian stan *rolling eyes* Are you a super soldier too? chadwick boseman Uh I'm not sure I mean they hardly say jack about me in this movie except that I can fight and jump really far I don't even think they mention my name black panther lyndon b johnson Black panther? Where? chadwick boseman Anyway I'm here to avenge my baba's murder that's why I brought no weapons and I am fist fighting and playing with you my prey cause I'm a panther get it? audience Ugh! narrator so they fight in their typical marvel choreographed fashion then chris joins but he's totally ignored because black panther kicks a*ss then a romanian army chopper gunship fires at them and probably kill a ton of occupants in the apartment beneath them sebastian stan Not that this isn't fun but I'm totally checking out chad boswick the hell you are(chases after sebastian) narrator then we are subjected to a silly foot chase scene where a grown a*ss dude with a tin foil wrapped arm is chased by grown a*ss dude running like an actual panther who in turn is chased by another grown a*ss dude wearing a costume and carrying a pot cover sebastian stan F*ck this I'm tired of running faster than cars I think I should go Grand Theft Auto and steal a bike chadwick boseman Sucker(slashes tyres cause you know.... he's faster than a bike remember?) chris evans This road is too neat and full of living people I'm an avenger must..... destroy..... Road sebastian stan Right on it buddie (blows bridge) don cheadle Alright stop the audience are obviously bored and since it's your movie you're under arrest chris and you too anthony anthony mackie Hey why do they keep roping me along during an arrest it's cause I'm black right? narrator then chadwick takes off his helmet in front of everyone even though he's a political figure and his arrest can further desecrate his fathers legacy don cheadle Yea you're his black side kick so go figure speaking of black welcome onboard the MCU express chadwick I wonder why you wore a helmet in the first place when you are just gonna take it off anyway anthony mackie hey how come he doesn't go to jail? don cheadle Cause this is the first black MCU character who doesn't suck donkey balls now get in the black maria narrator they haul chris and anthony to robert downey Waddup chris! seriously that's my first response upon spotting the dude who betrayed the avengers and gave superheroes a bad name just so he can help his hydra buddie chris evans so there aint gonna be 'major consequences' like you barked at william on the phone? robert downey Nah buddie kick your feet relax grab a granola bar or something hey guys get my man here a shirt and jacket, jarvis cancel all security protocol and pray a boring as f*ck villain doesn't waltz in and burst sebastian out emily vancamp Need a massage? chris evans You're still here emily vancamp Yea I work for the CIA now despite my previous employment being at a hydra safe house chris evans No I mean you are still in this franchise despite being just as boring as maria hills character why? russo brothers Good question perhaps we need to find her a job(Looking under their chairs) when we find how she can be useful we'll let you know narrator daniel sneaks in daniel bruhl I've totally sneaked into the building[s]because I'm as boring as f*ck and no one notices me[/s] under the guise of a UN official and I've sneaked an EMP into the country under the guise of a water heater? Wait hol'up I know I'm bada*ss and all but how did I know sebastian will be in romania? and how did I know they will send a UN official to interrogate him? And how did I know they won't bother checking me out at the gate to make sure I'm the real deal? And how did I know where exactly they will imprison sebastian? And how did I know when they will capture sebastian? russo brothers Yea we thought about that too that's why we shall shove martin freeman as a pointless comic Relief which fails to hit its mark carry on narrator meanwhile daniel has an accomplice deliver an EMP device to the power plant that controls all of romania's power supply because............coincidence accomplice Uh pizza delivery for electric company guys(avoids suspicion by running like hell) electric company guy An EMP quick turn it off or load it in the truck and drive it in a lake or(flips through script) oh my bad I mean *singing* stop and stare narrator the EMP goes off and hits the facility where sebastian is held martin freeman Quick turn on the reserve generators........wait we don't have those? sh*t hey where is chris and anthony? Aren't they prisoners anymore? WTF? daniel bruhl So tell me about your mission at the start of this movie sebastian stan No daniel bruhl *dramatically* sh*t stain, p*nis sandwich,dong ice cream,c*m mouthwash sebastian stan Ew alright what do you want? daniel bruhl Tell me about your mission in 1991 you do remember right? sebastian stan Of course I do it's only 20years ago and one of my dozen other missions it's only humanly possible for me to remember Just like how the audience remember the plot from captain america first avenger chris evans Aha! I've gotcha sucker why did you frame my friend? daniel bruhl Cause I wanna see the fall of an empire chris evans Holysh*t guys ultron is back daniel bruhl What? I'm not ultron i'm just a blander weaker MCU villain with a hybrid of ultron and lokis objective chris evans so in that case you have a cliched/silly objective, care to share or is it too early on in the movie? daniel bruhl Yea according to the laws of hollywood I can't disclose my plans till the end of the movie besides we've had just 2 action scenes in this movie we need at least 2 necessary action scenes, 2 filler action scenes, 1 useless action scene and the climax sebastian stan Speaking of useless action scenes, I just ripped off my restraints like a couple of bandaids (kicks the sh*t outta anthony and chris using MCUs signature bad editing) martin freeman Armed guards take out sebastian narrator a couple of mall cops show up with chris evans What a coincidence I happen to be the only one who isn't passed out right now so I will stop sebastian audience Oh God not another crappy shaky cam fight scene like from winter soldier russo brothers Nah! We are all about laughs in this movie that's why chris shall be performing an unintentionally funny stunt chris take the floor narrator sebastian tries to escape with a chopper but chris foils him by holding down a 6000 pound chopper and supporting himself with a 100 pound railing? Which actually works rather than rip chris in half , after the audience have a good laugh the scene ends with chris saving sebastian from drowning which somehow is the antidote to sebastians trance william hurt Yell yell yell yell national security yell yell yell protocol yell yell yell robert downey jr don't worry we will get chris back william hurt Fine I'll send a bunch of police officers to surround them afterall it worked well the first time robert downey jr Nah that won't be necessary just send chris friends accompanied by other super civilians to wreck sh*t and keep insurance companies busy william hurt So in other words reinstate the avengers that we just signed an accord to indirectly disband? robert downey jr Disband? william hurt Yea cause y'all didn't sign the accord and the consequence for that is retirement I mentioned that earlier russo brothers O yea we will find a place to squeeze in information that robert and don actually signed the accord rather than just show y'all when they did it To be continued.... |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Captain America(civil War) by severee(m): 7:40pm On Jul 12, 2016 |
william hurt Well we've decided (after 8 years) that it's not right and so we are accord slapping your a*sses instead of you know........just asking y'all to retire and surrender your weapons or just killing you all to save us the headache chris evans Hmmm retire just like that? So we killed all those people and get away with a slap on the wrist? william hurt Accelerating a plot here people get your mind outta logic lane, just hurry up and pick sides before it begins to sink into the audience head chris evans Well you can't tell us what to do robert downey jr Well tough sh*t I just got grieve slapped by a black widow get it? Black widow? audience Ugh! anthony mackie I'm with chris because it's one black sidekick to a white lead don cheadle Then I'm with robert scarlet johansson I'm with robert but also with chris because women can't make up their minds in the MCU elizabeth olsen At least you're not forced to be on chris side and held by robert against your will to be uggled by a creepy robot....... Add that to murdering my parents and brother and you'll get a mystery as to why I haven't totally killed robert by now chris evans Hayleys dead oh sh*t my MILF I never got to score with her oh sh*t emily vancamp Its alright love chris evans You? Why are you in this movie? emily vancamp it was either me or maria hill chris evans As what? emily vancamp Your enabler chris evans Isn't that scarlet's job? russo brothers We haven't yet gotten a handle on your love life so I think we should just throw every female character into the franchise and see which sticks kinda like speed dating it will be fun audience More like gross and unnecessary russo brothers Let's skip to the next scene shall we narrator next we see gene farber a war criminal hiding out in [b]daniel bruhl Hey dude I crashed into your car you wanna let me in so we can talk? gene farber Ok one second let me just get my gun incase you aren't whom you say you are daniel bruhl Or maybe we could settle this with the police? gene farber Hmmm police that certainly makes you the real deal tell you what I'm not gonna pick up my gun and I definitely won't just ask you to leave since its my car and all, I will totally let you in daniel bruhl sucker(clubs farber on da head) narrator by the time farber comes to he's hanging upside down over a bathtub filling with water gene farber What do you want? daniel bruhl The fall of an empire gene farber daniel bruhl *rolling eyes* I wanna kill the avengers gene farber Uh shouldn't you be meeting with samuel jackson for that? Or probably teaming up with me I mean they are the reason why I'm out of a job and sh*t daniel bruhl Oh look your red book is not tattered and torn after over 20 years why didn't you burn this sh*t? gene farber Yea I just kept that I mean you never know when you'll want a hydra super soldier to do your laundry or clean your house and sh*t, anyway if I helpe answered your questions right now this movie will be 15minutes total so I'm not helping you destroy the avengers and save my life wait that came out wrong daniel bruhl Very well I guess I'll go the narrator scarlet is at a conference in vienna surprisingly not in handcuffs, she introduces herself to john kani and american chadwick boseman whose pretending to be african by being totally cliched scarlet johansson Rather than just casting regular african actors right? russo brothers We only cast indigenous dudes when we want to suck its countrys d*ck but africa is not really on our radar right now chadwick boseman Besides who can play this role better than me? scarlet johansson Uh chiwetel ejiofor,triple A,that razak azeez dude from doom, david oyelowo chadwick boseman Oh yea? well I happen to be here and you happen to be giving me f*ck me eyes and apparently I abandoned my security post........... hey wait a minute narrator boom! The conference is attacked in order to frame sebastian audience Hey dawn of justice called they said stop stealing their sh*t chadwick boseman Hmmm perhaps we should totally arrest and investigate the avengers as only they stand to gain from this scarlet johansson Uh this totally doctored and convenient camera footage shows that sebastian stan did it chadwick boseman And what would a hydra operative and enemy of the avengers gain from this? Its not like robert can't move sh*t around to make sebastian take the fall for all I know robert probably fired an invisible tank missile at this place scarlet johansson n*gga you are african act the part chadwick boseman Well in that case.......raaaagh sebstian killed my wierdly old a*ss father and I want............revenge chris evans Hmmm I feel I should be doing something since this is my movie what to do what to do scarlet johansson The cops are unto your friend whom we are not sure we can trust but help him resist arrest anyway? chris evans Oh thanks now how do I find him what to do what to do emily vancamp Lucky you have me, sebastian stan has been located "hiding" in the city of romanian capital bucharest and by hiding I mean not making any effort to change his appearance, renting a posh condo and waltzing about the market place during the day to buy fruits chris evans Yes in my movie am letting two chicks to spoon feed me instructions and information this should definitely make fans to root for me against robert anthony mackie If we are to visit your friend we must rely on stealth chris evans That's right buddie narrator chris meets with sebastian in sebastians porche apartment totally geared to the teeth to "avoid" suspicion chris evans How can you afford this on a fugitive salary? sebastian stan Hydra still pays me pension and sh*t what do you want chris evans There are romanian cops on their way to kill you so we took the first 2 minute flight from america to show up in your apartment and look concerned seriously I'm actually here to ask you to surrender and get killed romanian cops This is the romanian police we are here to kill you that's why we are announcing our arrival sebastian stan Winter soldier no dey carry last(hops out window) chris evans No sebastian you have to surrender to police(kicks romanian police in the head and a*ss)cause we are the good guys(kicks romanian police teeth in) if you run you'll look guilty(kicks romanina police in the nuts) To be continued......... |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Captain America(civil War) by severee(m): 7:04pm On Jul 11, 2016 |
kay9: I couldn't help myself, make I no lie them try for civil war I'm rly impressed almost like they listened to my age of ultron complaints and its waaaaaaaaaaaaay better than BvS |
TV/Movies / Swing And A Miss: Captain America(civil War) by severee(m): 11:26am On Jul 11, 2016 |
narrator the movie kicks off with the deleted avengers montage showing chris evans struggle to adjust to the modern world without his war buddies or hayley atwell who just kicked the bucket russo brothers Hmmmm that will certainly put people in chris evans shoes and understand why he does "certain things" in the movie.............that's why we shall cancel that narrator instead the russos opt for an unintentionally funny opening where sebastian stan is been brain washed in a hydra branch office sebastian stan Raaaaaaagh! gene farber Dude I bet you 20 bucks I can make you do anything sebastian stan Raaaagh! gene farber Alrightie(opens a red book) when I call the following words you shall become a soldier for hydra sebastian stan Seriously! I'm brainwashed by a book man that's bullsh*t Raaaaaaaagh gene farber Okay here I go: sh*t stain, p*nis sandwich,dong ice cream,c*m mouthwash sebastian stan Ok ok jesus what do you want? gene farber A certain superhero needs a tragic backstory audience Wait just like dawn of justice? Is there gonna be a Maaaaaaaaartha twist in this one too? [B]russo brothers[/b] What? Er No of course not(runs to go change script) narrator then we see the avengers 'suck-d*ck division' on another unsanctioned mission in elizabeth olsen Hey look at me I'm drinking coffee at one of Nigeria's many coffee shops scarlett johansson And I'm wearing a leather jacket and leather boots when it is as hot as p*nis During summer in Nigeria chris evans And I totally just slept in this room with no mosquito nets anthony mackie sh*t I'm standing at the top of one of Nigeria's many sky scrappers with my fully charged jetpack and mini drone despite Nigeria's epileptic power situation Nigeria And we totally have a disease research center that foreign terrorists are attacking..........wait what? narrator the avengers strike at the right moment when the bad guys have already trashed the gates, made passersby sh*t their pants and flat out murdered everyone frank grimlo MuaHahahaha go go gagdet hammer go go gadget knife man I'm invincible..........wait a minute? I'm an opening sequence baddie? Aw c'mon I'm more bad*ss than this I mean I killed captain america in the comics And sh*t ugh! chris evans Sky dive kick b*tches terrorist That's weird did you totally just jump out of your hotel room or something? chris evans Shut up and get decapitated( kills a ton of dudes graphically) anthony mackie Pffft! That's nothing watch me point blank shoot this dude in the head(does so) chris evans elizabeth take out the knock out gas in the lab and launch it into the sky don't worry it's nigeria so no one cares about air pollution elizabeth olsen Or we could wait and ambush the terrorists when they get outta the building scarlet johansson Or we could just rig their suvs with explosives and wait for them to get in anthony mackie Or better still we could just send paul betany to handle everything I mean that's why robert created him right? chris evans and not get to risk innocent lives and property destruction? Screw that scarlett johansson Wait a minute I haven't kicked a*ss in this scene got to fix that, and remember to wait for your turn guys while I kick the sh*t outta your friends terrorists And we will also choose to hand combat you despite our tight schedule scarlett johansson Aw thanks sweety(tries to kick frank's teeth in) frank grimlo MuaHaha I'm another super soldier in a movie filled with super soldiers so Your r*pe prevention gadgets don't work on me.........anyway instead of totally snapping your neck like a freaking fish stick, I shall go all james bond villain on you and toss you into this SUV with a grenade and two 'dumbass henchmen who don't know what a grenade is' for company(does so) narrator luckily for scarlett the russo brothers don't know what a grenade is or what an explosion looks like so scarlet walks away from an explosion without going deaf or freaking losing a limb and sh*t frank grimlo Hey chris you dropped a building on my face and now I want.........REVENGE chris evans O_o any reason why you are being dramatic and sh*t? russo brothers Oh we're just getting started there's more where that came from narrator chris makes frank his b*tch despite frank being a hybrid of superman and inspector gadget frank grimlo *singing* when I say sebastian you stand still oya sebastian chris evans What's this mortal kombat? Why should I stand still just because you are dressed as sub-zero and you called sebastians name? frank grimlo Sebastian chris evans *rolling eyes* ok I mean *gasp* WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME?!!! WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME?!!! WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME?!!! frank grimlo Oh good you are distracted [s]time to make a slip or shove a wrist buzz saw down your throat or something[/s] EAT GRENADE YOU QUERE!!!! Go go gadget hand grenade elizabeth olsen Not so fast frank(does whatever the f*ck she does which contains frank just at the right moment........ that is when the grenade already went off) chris evans Quick shove him in the ground elizabeth olsen No I've got a better idea(tosses frank into a building) oops anthony mackie I guess your "bad ideas" followed you from the last avengers huh? chris evans Oh sh*t Quick! we've gotta hide elizabeth from a Nigerian lynch mob........... wait you mean nigerians who lynch innocent people in suspicion of witch craft will totally sit out on lynching elizabeth right now? Man I call bullsh*t on this one narrator next we see robert downey jr [s]sending relief materials to sokovian refugees[/s] giving a talk to some undergrads brought to you courtesy of M.I. m*therfucking T robert downey My parents were murdered in a "make it look like an accident" assassination plot and because my head is full of saw dust I totally didn't investigate the finger prints around my mothers neck or my fathers punched in face or the totally robbed trunk of their car instead I built this implausible device which CGIs you to death to make you students Jesus! you called us to the auditorium for this? Couldn't you like send a newsletter to our college accounts or sms our phones or something? school lecturer Hey robert I've got this idea you'll love robert downey jr Eat a d*ck nerd wow obviously I didn't learn my anything from iron man three whatever, I'll just hop into this unsecured elevator in this creepy hallway I just hope I don't come across an ironman hater right now or I'm toast william sharpe robert I've been waiting at this elevator for you this whole time cause I totally knew you would ditch everyone and take this particular elevator alone and without your iron suit robert downey jr Yea that's kinda st*pid but you're a black welfare queen so my paranoid senses are tingling like crazy william sharpe n*gga I'm no welfare queen I'm just a single parent and civil servant whose son was killed in sokovia leaving me with his college loans and sh*t oh wait I'm a welfare queen wow did tyler perry write this? robert downey jr Oh right! This is definitely the first troll I've seen since the avengers kicked off now I'm sad hence growing a conscience for the gazillionth time william hurt Luckily for you the world hates you guys so now will be the time to exercise your guilt and act like a d*ck Hey guys so you know how you go round the world trashing things killing people and leaving without cleaning up? (Shows a montage of MCU movie climaxes for continuity sake) chris evans Wow who got all that footage from those dangerous positions? The Suicide squad? see? I made a modern culture joke oh right I'm not adjusting to modern culture anymore that's good carry on willie To be continued....
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TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 8:28pm On May 03, 2016 |
narrator next we see ben affleck trying to decrypt the file he stole from jesse then he starts tripping balls or having a thor-like vision but who knows? It's not like anyone bothers to explain anything in this movie ben affleck Um why am I wearing a trench coat in a Play station 3 desert?(A truck pulls in front of him) weapons dealer Hey dude wanna buy some black market guns? ben affleck Yea well on a normal basis I would have tossed a bat-grenade into this truck and totally broken your arm but it's a dream so it's ok to be a hypocrite weapons dealer Psyche! We're undercover cavill-cops and we are here to kill the resistance you are leading ben affleck Hmmm I guess I'm a total *diot in my dreams too alright where's my lightsabre? weapons dealer What? ben affleck I mean This totally looks like a set from star wars and since this a dream I guess I can use their props disney will be totally cool with it I promise weapons dealer Just so you know this is the home of darkseid after his death and deposition by henry whose gone bad for some reason and now you are leading a rebellion and we are....... ben affleck Totally stealing from starwars and the MCU I mean jesus we are totally teaming up to fight darkseid? Why not just call it the DC copycat universe And why are there gigantic insects everywhere? Did I just snap a guys neck? And overdose another guy on bullets? Jesus how did this movie get PG rat.....(Is knocked out by insect) oh wait the insects work for henry too? But I just saw them carrying away henrys foot soldiers like a buffet, well it's a dream I guess any crap goes narrator next ben is still stuck in his dream as henry cavill Just in case the audience are confused about me being good or bad I shall laser-eye f*ck some of my lieutenants for no reason, now ben she was my world? ben affleck Who your mom? henry cavill *shrugs* I dunno It's not in the script Any way you took her away from me. ben affleck did I kill her? henry cavill what part of ITS NOT IN THE SCRIPT are you not getting right now? Sh*t(proceeds to give ben a super hand job) ben affleck hey dude cut that out that tickles (wakes up) holy f*ck a 3D movie ezra miller No you m*ron I'm stealing the thor vision scene from avengers 2, now make sure you save her she is the key(disappears) ben affleck Jesus christ! Couldn't you write your message on a paper and show it to me or perhaps take a deep breath and explain what the sh*t is going on? See Now I'm just gonna ignore your message and give jeremy sh*t for dropping LSD in my coffee or something,oh wait jesse's files have been decrypted and there's a picture of a lady who fairly resembles gal and could easily pass for her grand mom so why did she pull that stunt at jesses party? jeremy irons What's up sir? ben affleck So I just found the white portuguese which is totally a vessel jeremy irons no sh*t, anyway I just used my super powers of 'plot acceleration' to decipher that there's no dirty bomb on that ship ben affleck Like duh! Who would want to buy a dirty bomb in america when we've got like a tonne of them, callan is carrying a rock which is capable of weakening kryptonian cells, how I know this or how I know calvin is from a planet called krypton is not necessary so I'm gonna steal the rock and kill henry with it jeremy irons Because he trashed your building? I thought the terraforming did that? ben affleck Screw him he is a threat jeremy irons just because they say so on tv? never took you to be a sucker for media propaganda ben affleck *rolling eyes* ok fine it's in the title man we are supposed to fight now if you excuse me, I've got a date with callan at the gotham docks and how I know when exactly he will be there is also not necessary narrator scoot mcnairy is bailed from jail by jesse eisenberg scoot mcnairy Hey jesse why did you bail me out of jail? jesse eisenberg yea I bailed you from prison cleaned you up and got you charles xaviers vintage wheelchair Just because it's tuesday I'm so up to nothing(nose sprouts like pinnochio) narrator callan and his goons who just happen to be russian because racism never gets old in hollywood are at the docks callan mulvey Yea we've totally bribed the guards of the docks and we've sealed the rock in lexcorp crates and loaded them into lexcorp trucks to avoid suspicion audience So why exactly are you armed to the teeth with assault rifles and rocket launchers? callan mulvey *shrugs* I guess it's something bad guys do I mean I never go to the bathroom without carrying an AK-47 with me ben affleck Yea I showed up in my bat suit to place a tracker on a lexcorp truck rather than just tailing them with a bat drone or something audience Oh that's smart perhaps you can find out where they drop the kryptonite and you stealthily snatch it from them ben affleck nah! screw it *typical batman action scene 2; the car chase* hey how exactly did I sneak my bat mobile into the docks with all the security around? Anyway........ yea take that for sneaking kryptonite into gotham(brutally smashes car killing everyone in it), f*ck my morality code(shoots the f*ck out of an suv killing everyone in it) and this is just for sh*ts and giggles(smashes the ships and trashes the property of innocent people) yea I live for this sh*t.... oh f*ck henry cavill is here I shall mow him with my awesome weaponized resilent epic bat mobile narrator henry crashes the car with his d*ck callan mulvey Thanks (escapes) henry cavill So I just saw a bunch of russian thugs shooting a sh*t ton of bullets and rockets at you and so I decided you should be stopped ben affleck What? That's bullsh*t man they were clearly attacking me first c'mon henry cavill *rolling eyes* Okay fine I'll let you off with a warning don't make me regret it ben affleck Hey wait! Whose gonna pay for the damage to my car? C'mon you wrecked it.......grrrrrr! I'm gonna find you and ki...... Oh sh*t wrong script I meant I'm gonna make you bleed To be continued...... |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 5:30am On May 01, 2016 |
Tosinex: bros na wa for u o so you o dash them ya money small na, just kidding I actually watched it on someones laptop so I don't rly know but I think if you google "batman v superman dawn of justice"(3gp or mp4) something should come up @gebbson007 yea superman came back to life his heart beat made the dirt levitate or some sh*t, according to zack it's supposed to be a cliff hanger as if we beg am |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 6:08pm On Apr 30, 2016 |
narrator next at the daily planet laurence fishburne is once again giving henry sh*t laurence fishburne SO............ I asked you to........... write about sports*flash and spectacle* and you do the batman *takes deep breath* story huh? henry cavill O_o dude chill out you just have about 11 lines in this movie I don't think anyone is here to watch an overweight black dude scream at superman laurence fishburne Oh yea? What if I do this(rips henry's article in two) this half is for my shoes and the other half is for my a*ss henry cavill [s]grrrr you wouldn't dare I hate working here I quit afterall I can always take this to a blogger or something[/s] *shakes head like a teenage kid scolded by his high school's team coach* laurence fishburne You know what's weird? henry cavill you have absolutely diddly squat significance to this movie and perhaps this worthless five minutes could be invested in the characters that actually matter like say superman and batman? laurence fishburne wow dude innaprops.......... Anyway what I meant was you could always punch ben through a wall or something and end his "reign of terror" what do you need us for? Your motivation for fighting ben is even more senseless than ben's motivation to fight you henry cavill Jesus! why do you keep calling me superman? laurence fishburne Cause you make absolutely no effort to disguise your self properly, I'm surprised the police haven't done a line up for superman with you on it. henry cavill I'm telling you I'm not super..... oh hey so I've got to er take.... a.... sh*t I mean a call I mean take out the trash? Shoot I should come up with better excuses when dashing out for super hero biz........anyway BRB laurence fishburne Yea sure like no one will get suspiscious when they notice you aren't in the loo, note to superheroes when you wanna work do it after your regular job I'm looking your way flash and green arrow narrator so ben totally travels 3minutes interstate to metropolis and infiltrates jesses party as the philantrophic billionaire that was all over the papers for rescuing a ton of people during the famous man of steel climax, he does such an awesome job of being stealthy that he is spotted immediately he hops out of his car henry cavill Hmmm with all the hot glamourous and flashy socialites at this event I only chose to notice a crappily dressed brooding dude whose that? waka pass oh so you know about the batman but not ben affleck I see? henry cavill Well yea aint no crime waka pass And all your years in america living in gothams twin city I assume you've been living under a rock or something henry cavill waka pass And I suppose you don't read the papers since he was almost made time man of the year when he rescued some of his workers while you trashed all of metropolis henry cavill why does everyone keep calling me superman? waka pass Oh we ain't supposed to know? it ain't our fault they never specified if your identity was secret in this movie ok? narrator so ben walks into the hall where jesse does cartoon character impersonations........ And oh gal gadot is here looking as suspicious as f*ck ben affleck Ugh! This party sucks balls time to use the gps in my head to find jesses server room and cram a sh*t ton of data into a flash drive under 30seconds *humming james bond theme* jeremy irons Ahem! Wrong franchise ben you're batman remember? henry cavill Wait what? I totally used my super hearing to find out that ben is batman and is obviously up to something......I'll get to that as soon as jesse finishes his sketch comedy it's so hilarious narrator ben shows his awesome ninja-like stealthiness by GETTING CAUGHT BY TAO OKAMOTO tao okamoto Er ben entrepreneur/jesses business rival affleck, what are you doing in jesses camera-less server room with confidential information for lexcorp? audience Oh my sh*t I just checked imdb and tao okamoto is playing mercy graves, luthor's bad a*ss hench woman I bet we will be getting some japanese martial arts stunts no wonder they got a jap to play her *gets a fanboy b*ner* ben affleck hey lady I like your shoes tao okamoto *blushing*Awwwwn thank you, take as much time as you like and steal as much as you want(leaves the room) ben affleck Yep that works everytime audience *lose fanboy b*ners* narrator ben is blocked by henry on his way back to the hall henry cavill [s]I totally know you are the batman so I wanna take you by the ear and drag you to a nearby police station then I'll proceed to write the exclusive of you being the batman and get a promotion probably[/s] hey ben let's talk about our citys superhero reps you know the way football fans argue whose team is better ben affleck Ok........... your hero sucks his suit is really ugly and makes him look totally gay henry cavill And your hero stuffs himself with all these gadgets just to battle street thugs ben affleck well your heros story in this movie was stolen from the superhero comedy flick hancock henry cavill *gasp* how dare you? Well your heros origin story of bats floating him out of a cave is totally aquaman sh*t ben affleck henry cavill jesse eisenberg Hey guys glad to see how you are getting along *snickering* bat sorry I mean ben meet super.......cavill I guess you two are getting to know....... each....... other if you know what I mean? ben affleck And what happened to your pretensious shakespeare theatrics? jesse eisenberg yea I got tired .........now I'm doing my character from rio oh by the way have you met gal god I mean gadot? ben affleck Oh that reminds me I've got to go take a leak in your server room jesse I'll brb narrator the movie gets more james bond as mystery girl gal gadot steals the flash drive she didn't see ben plant ben affleck Hey why are you stealing the info I stole from jesse? gal gadot Cause jesse has an embarassing selfie of me that I'm trying to destroy ben affleck O_o by stealing a copy from me? gal gadot Yea I don't really know that much about computers cause it's been encrypted and I couldn't open it ben affleck lady it's 2016 I doubt there is hardly a computer illiterate out ther....... Oh I forgot zack snyder hates women, I wonder what you were gonna do if you didn't get my flash drive? Would you have stolen his whole house or something gal gadot Well in all fairness I'm 10X stronger than any human and I've lived for 5 milleniums ben affleck Rrrrrrrrrr! So tell me do you bleed? gal gadot And that's how you hit on chicks? No wonder you're single and bitter ben affleck and that just cost you relevance to the plot now go wait for me at the movies finale I've got to rendevouz with callan in an action scene narrator then we see an audience Cool an irrelevant scene I guess I can hit the restroom now harry lennix really classy guys anyway so amy I just examined the bullets fragments and surprise surprise it's from lexcorp.........now take your bullet fragment back and f*ck yourself with it amy adams Wait aren't you going to at least produce this as evidence that perhaps henry didn't commit the mass murder? harry lennix Hell no, you know how hard it was for a black dude to be secretary ain't gonna ruin it by getting to bottom of this now if you excuse me I've got to go rehearse for my next scene which sees me sitting on my hands and being a totally incompetent secretary of defence, a quality that keeps you in the job bye amy adams Ugh! narrator next we are shown a montage of cavill saving a little girl from a fire in mexico and then looking all sexy about it while the mexicans worship him like a god?(Racist DC), then we see him working out with a NASA rocket, then we see him working out again by dragging a vessel across ice then we see him taking his sweet time to inspect his 'S' distress logo on a flood victims roof top all in sloooooooooooow mooooooooo audience Jesus! Hey zack you wanna lay off the pain and sorrow surrounding this movie damn! It's even more depressing than watchmen suicide squad Gulp! henry cavill Yea so I just saved a bunch of a*sses I bet the world loves me now World Reverse time back to pre man of steel and you've got yourself a deal henry cavill mommy diane lane Awww baby you aren't a bad guy henry cavill But they say I'm a jerk and I've no regard for property damage and I break the rules diane lane Those aren't true my love they are just hating on you cause you are fly (nose sprouts like pinnochio) audience Hey how come that fat dude from that ihop hasn't totally come out to tell the world supermans real identity? zack snyder Nah he won't do that he's a man of honor I mean it's part of the bully code To be continued....... |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 6:03pm On Apr 28, 2016 |
narrator holly hunter visits jesse eisenberg again jesse eisenberg Why does thou giveth me thy f*ck me eyes does thou not knoweth that thou is being creepy especially as thou be old enough to be my mother? holly hunter Ew I'm not flirting with you I'm just trying to look sexy and empowered or isn't that how U.S female Politicians act? I'm looking your way sarah palin jesse eisenberg er ew! Have ye looked in a mirror lately? holly hunter *gasp* why you little........ That's it I'm rejecting your import license now I shall make a gross analogy about piss and tea then I shall bid you farewell jerk!(Walks away) holly's assistant Ahem! I can give you access to the kryptonian spacecraft and micheal shannons body jesse eisenberg Er should all that not be in thy military possession in thy area 51 or something? I mean it's not something ye junior senators will haveth access to , for a movie which takes thy self seriously it is astonishly how highly unrealistic it is holly's assistant I will get you all you need and provide you with free workspace to f*ck around with the corpse of an alien who almost killed us all but on one condition jesse eisenberg Which is? holly's assistant Awkwardly feed me a candy and you've got yourself a deal narrator meanwhile lois meets with harry lennix from man of steel harry lennix Hello amy (who I owe my promotion to) what can I do for you besides be a total b*tch and waste your time? amy adams Is the american military supplying harry lennix hehehe no we are not but we believe cavill is their sponsor and supplies them with lex corp arms and ammunition cause we have feathers for brains you see......... Now go make yourself useful and jump off a building so cavill can save you and give the audience a little action scene amy adams Ok why don't you analyze this bullet for me it came from that raid in harry lennix Okay fine I shall investigate and get to the bottom of this case that no one gives a crap about narrator next we see scoot mcnairy who is now confined to a wheel chair and mad at a henry cavill statue scoot mcnairy Grrrr! I'm in a wheel chair and I hate henry and I want to get back at him so I shall............DEFACE A HENRY CAVILL'S STATUE MUAHAHAHAHA! Of course I'm a m*ron so I'll totally do it in the full glare of the laziest policemen in america lazy policemen Dude put down that spray can scoot mcnairy Hey calm down let me just spray 'false god' and the superman logo then I'll get down lazy policemen Ok hurry up you've got 60minutes narrator next we see ben affleck in an underground fight club spying on callan ben affleck Yep it's me famous billionaire and philantrophist ben affleck out here in this obviously illegal gambling joint making eye contact with a paranoid mercenary who just went on a mass murder spree that's certainly a good idea, hey callan! calvin mulley What? ben affleck So here's the thing I know you are a mercenary and you are doing jesse eisenbergs bidding so how about we go out back and I smash your hands with a hammer and you reveal to me what you're helping him with calvin mulley Well if we do that, it will make us an action scene short so just clone my phone by placing your phone on the table next to my phone even though you don't know my number or even if I brought a phone with me........ what makes you think it's my phone you are cloning and not the bartenders or someone else in the room? And how come cloning a phone takes seconds especially when there are a bunch of stuff on it? ben affleck Dude shut up I cloned your phone okay? Now go wait in the next action scene jeez! narrator then ben heads back to the bat cave ben affleck Hi lucious..... I mean alfred I mean who are you playing again? jeremy irons Er alfred? your burtler? ben affleck My point exactly. don't you ever get to do anything interesting in this movie apart from sit around the computer and yan ballz to me all day........oh by the way here's your coffee? Really? I'm bringing alfred coffee? jeremy irons So I totally saw a chat between jesse eisenberg and callan about a white portuguese it sounds like a thing or a place I'm guessing you could ask google ben affleck Oh it's definitely a dude cause I'm that much of a racist and a bad detective jeremy irons *rolling eyes* alright fine how about you go [s]abduct jesse eisenberg and drug/interrogate him into telling you who the white portugese is[/s] spy on jesse eisenberg as it turns out he invited you to a 'spy on my house' dinner part so I shall begin booking your flight ben affleck Nah in this movie metropolis is just a few feet away from gotham I can even spit that far DC nerds what da f*ck ben affleck Oh yea james bond I mean ben affleck out To be continued...... 1 Like |
Romance / Re: If You Don't Know This,then Tell Me Two Thousand And What Were You Born? (photo) by severee(m): 6:51am On Apr 27, 2016 |
awwww! Kiddie!!! The N5 small size tasted like concrete but the N10 large size was a lot softer especially when you mix it up with condensed milk, thank God for my life say jedi jedi no kill me when I small |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 6:39am On Apr 27, 2016 |
shockwave91: You haven't seen it? Lucky you the movie is a nightmare Imagine zack snyder that directed dawn of the dead and 300 and even watchmen david s goyer that wrote the dark knight and two of the most iconic superheroes in the world fighting each other, how they messed this up continues to be a mystery |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 4:16am On Apr 26, 2016 |
narrator next we see holly hunter a US senator on the balls bursting committee called "the henry cavill balls bursting committee" meet with jesse eisenberg whose playing........... jesse eisenberg Lex f*cking luthor babe, we are just trying to keep up with the DC tradition of picking the wrong people for the wrong parts you know.......... halleberry as catwoman,arnold swarchzenegger as mr freeze ,george clooney as batman hell they almost casted one of the wayan bros as robin and nicholas cage as superman one time pfffft! DC amirite? ............I can sense your disappointment already but don't worry I shall not let you down *disney cartoon villain + pretensious shakespeare mode activated* thou art welcome to thy villain fortress of thy movie, gods falleth from heaven and demons falleth from thy skies as well zack snyder Yea people........ feel the depth and art of this movie audience Zzzzzzzzzz! holly hunter So you called me to your home this better be good jesse eisenberg I've have noticed that thou hateth thy henry cavill and feareth for thy safety of earth so through plot holes of thy hollywood I've foundeth that kryptonite be thy cavills weakness and can be used as a deterrent for he and thy meta human clan out there and all I need is ye permission to importeth thy kryptonite which hath magically appeared in india because..........plot holes holly hunter *long sigh* 1. Shouldn't you be submitting your research to the government for oversight especially as it concerns national freaking security and 2. Couldn't you tell me all these over the phone? jesse eisenberg Hmmmm *flips through shakespeare novel* ahem! Doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love............... And scene audience I'm sooooooo getting a refund zack snyder *clapping* oh God this is definitely what comic book movie fans have been asking for; cartoonish dudes with a bad wig that quotes shakespeare narrator next we are introduced to ben afflecks version of the batman ben affleck hi guys remember how christopher nolan was ashamed of batman comics and decided to change EVERYTHING about it, even his freaking name? Well we are defying bat traditions again simply out of laziness - Apparently now I'm no longer squimish about guns anymore infact all my gadgets look like guns and my car shoots people - I don't kill people but I skillfully outsource the killing of criminals to violent prisoners I call it the bat branding pretty cool huh? - I still suck at being the worlds greatest detective - and oh now I see visions apparently who would have thought? so now that I've run that by you people let's do the usual batman scenes that we see in every batman movie,usual scene one;I scare the sh*t outta policemen and make them talk about me like they are talking about an urban legend or something(tricks a policeman into almost blowing his partners head off). damn it! That would have made my night jeremy irons Hey master ben so I borrowed a metal suit from tony stark and I'm mending it into a bat exo-skeleton you know...... just incase you battle a powerful alien at the end of this movie and I've also worked on your voice modulator so you don't sound awful like christian bales batman I don't get it what's all the hype with batmans voice? Can't her just speak normally? ben affleck isn't that the luscious job? jeremy irons Yep? ben affleck And I just looked up imdb and it says you are playing alfred whose is supposed to be fixing me some dinner, holy sh*t I'm as hungry as a motherf*cker right now.........anyway I visited a prostitute warehouse and questioned a dude who works for callan mulvey aka the kgbeast and he laughed his head off cause he didn't know KGBeast was in this movie till he looked it up on wikkipedia so I got pissed branded him out of annoyance jeremy irons yea I guess in an overcrammed ambitious movie like this callan is just gonna be another unnamed thug just like dead shot in dark knight rises....... And come to think of it isn't he a gun for hire? ben affleck Yea? And he is sneaking a dirty bomb into gotham(nose sprouts like pinnochio) jeremy iron Well why don't you buy the dirty bomb from him and save yourself the trouble or notify CTU so they can interrogate his a*ss or beef up security at the docks or something problem solved ben affleck f*ck you man we need to stretch this mystery over 2hours and 30minutes okay? Now if you excuse me I have to totally turn this movie into a james bond flick narrator back in metropolis amy adams is taking a bath while thinking about the lives lost in nairomi(man just say somalia) henry cavill Hey why the frowny face my love? amy adams They said you killed those people in africa henry cavill Babe I don't give a f*ck about what happened in metropolis or nairomi(man just say somalia) I don't give a f*ck about the widows I've created or about the billions of dollars in property damage all I care about is shoving my man of steel up in your lois lane amy adams oh sex! yep that's definitely how to help someone who had a traumatic experience zack snyder Ok so we have to give amy adams something to do even though it leads to nothing in the movie.........oh I know why don't you go investigate the bullet in your diary that's definitely something the audience want to see narrator at the daily planet henry cavill an intern without university education has suddenly being bumped up to news column writer even though he sucks at his job and is hardly at the office laurence fishburn hey henry you are terrible at your job henry cavill Look at whose talking, you just allowed an unguarded amy adams (who almost died a few scenes ago) to go interrogate the US army about supplying weapons and ammunition to african terrorists laurence fishburn Well if you don't have a bunch of assassins hunting your a*ss or a gang of lawyers suing you for libel or whatever then you ain't doing it right, so what's your excuse why are you writing about ben whose in gotham? henry cavill Because he is dangerous? laurence fishburn Only to criminals henry cavill But he's trampling on the rights of the citizens laurence fishburn Well when you choose the life of crime, you actually lose your rights and privileges don't you agree? henry cavill And people are living in fear laurence fishburn Yea I suppose that's why they shine the bat signal in the sky besides no one lives in gotham as you've seen so far henry cavill Yea seriously, extras department what's the deal with empty gotham? I hope this isn't because an epic fight is gonna take place there and they don't want audience b*tching about endagering peoples lives and sh*t laurence fishburn You know what's weird though? you're superman you can hear all the distress of the world and resolve them all at the same time within the fraction of a second without even breaking a sweat Which kills two birds with a stone, 1 being that you get the front seat view to a ton of stories and 2 being that it may change the worlds opinion about you so why chase ben? henry cavill Er Super who now? laurence fishburn Wait I'm supposed to not know you are superman simply because of your geeky glasses and nothing else? for godsakes dude you are both the same height, same build,same hair and eye color and you both make out with amy adams henry cavill O_o I have no idea what you are talking about I'm just a small town boy from smallville and that's why I sound like a brit faking an american accent and nothing like the farm boy I claim to be(nose sprouts like pinnochio) laurence fishburn Anyway stop with the ben affleck stories from now on you cover sports that's why you shall attend a non sports function hosted by non sports person jesse eisenberg that surprise surprise has ben affleck in it see ya! To be continued...... 1 Like |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 11:05pm On Apr 23, 2016 |
@armadeo @elcount My brodas na so we see am o DC don do am again,marvel will be laffing their heads off by now at least it's better than green lantern sha As for wonder woman well her appearance seemed forced and she had little to no impact on the story, the only good thing about this movie is the cinematography and the scores everything else......... 0 |
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