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TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 8:36pm On Aug 01, 2015 |
mark ruffalo Look here lady i have the strength of 120 horses and i never get tired scarlett johansson And that's supposed to turn me off? A 12 inch guy who can last long in bed? mark ruffalo 12 inch? more like 36 inches scarlett johansson Oh my i've always wanted to drink off that fountain mark ruffalo My jizz may likely have gamma rays in them which reminds me, How come stan lee is alive in this movie didn't he get poisoned when my gamma infested blood dropped in his soda in the other movie? scarlett johansson you can't get me pregnant mark ruffalo Well that's what they said in twilight yet he knocked her up real good scarlett johansson No i can't get pregnant because i'm sterile mark ruffalo wait a minute isn't that a bit too dark to spring on a kiddy flick? scarlett johansson Even though i don't look or sound russian i was raised in a russian assassin factory and we know it's russian because we are all ballet dancers(racist marvel) so they taught me how to kill chitauris and robots and when i graduated i got a certified by having my womb yanked out mark ruffalo Ugh! That certainly doesn't turn me on(walks away) narrator In seoul korea dr asia from earlier is lured into her office by james spader james spader Hey doc need your help dr asia How did three robots carrying a weird looking sceptre break into my office? aaron taylor And i ask again how did we get to south korea do we have a private plane or something? james spader I need you to download my consciousness into this robot you built for no reason(hypnotizes her with sceptre) okay i thought only loki could work the sceptre? joss whedon Sceptre hypnosis check elizabeth olsen So you've been carrying a sceptre around to control people?Really you know i can also control peoples minds right wait a minute i just decided to read your mind and i found out you wanna destroy the world james spader Well too bad this is a B*DSM relationship so you do as i say elizabeth olsen i'm not Maggie Gyllenhaal from secretary that's a different movie(unhypnotizes the doctor and defects to the avengers) james spader Oh for f*ck sake(murders everyone) why did i kill everyone? For a peace loving robot i sure can be really touchy and violent(tosses the unconscious robot in a truck and drives off) why did i need the korean doctor again? narrator Meanwhile the avengers do a scoobie doo mystery machine brain storm and find out that james is in korea and take the next two minute flight from america samuel l jackson Can i borrow cobbie for a while there's something we need to take care of robert downey jr Are you guys having sex? samuel l jackson What? No where's your mind? I'm trying to put shield back together see there you've ruined the surprise(walks away) robert downey jr I can't come with you guys to south korea, i've got to go narrator Meanwhile in south korea james tries to copy his consciousness into the robot james spader Ugh i thought they said south korea has the best wifi in the world why is this taking time narrator Chris evans shows up and starts his boring acrobatics that no one cares about while scarlett hops off a plane with a motorcycle joss whedon Silly aircraft stunt check narrator They have one of those incomprehensive action scenes where everyone is fighting everyone at innocent people's expense anyway they end up on a train james spader Hey elizabeth don't stand against me elizabeth olsen Or what? james spader Or i shall crash this train and get it on with you while you are crawling out of the wreckage just like the movie crash elizabeth olsen Don't you need a d*ck for that? james spader Dammit. Knew i should have made one(crashes the train anyway) elizabeth olsen Oh my God we are gonna die chris evans Eh don't worry this a pg movie they ain't gonna f*cking kill everyone onboard wait a minute i just said f*ck In front of teenagers nooooooooooo! narrator Train crashes and everyone comes out without even a scratch scarlett is captured by james who doesn't ask to exchange her for the robot body To be continued..... 4 Likes |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 8:59am On Aug 01, 2015 |
badinfluence: yinmu! As if You don read am Csami: Loool i just read the piece i did on winter soldier can you believe i could predict almost the whole of age of ultron without much effort? Na wetin hollywood don turn to now o 3 Likes |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 1:09am On Aug 01, 2015 |
badinfluencepost=36477283:Well you don't have to take my word for it, take the words of someone you trust, like you badinfluence 3 Likes |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 12:01am On Aug 01, 2015 |
badinfluence:Mr. Comic relief you still dey here? You still dey do correction? Pele carry on badinfluence: Do you like american sniper? Yes! Do you like my write up on american sniper?(even though you didn't read it)No! As long as you admit this was your opinion then I believe how you said it does not matter so guy drop it badinfluence: Em no jabs but advice first of all, before you criticize someones work at least have the decency to go through the work in focus and second you have a future in comedy , ur posts got me giggling badinfluence: Ah ah I neva even reply u don drop another one? Na so the thing dey pain you? Pele ok ok I apologize american sniper is an awesome movie and my write up is pointless and misguided happy now? Cheer up ehn? Read the interview( for real this time) I put in all of my witt into that you'll love it 5 Likes 1 Share |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 10:31pm On Jul 31, 2015 |
badinfluence:wow you are all over me for english language now, two words, Desperate and Scary Fine let's act like you're a five year old and you didn't get what I meant there badinfluence: your write up on American Sniper was screaming I must be funny, Bradley Cooper did well in that movie. Give him his props. There are movies out there waiting to be bashed. You chose the wrong one you call these criticism? Well these aren't criticisms they are trolls and no one takes likely to them badinfluence: Well I mostly picked on the stereotypes and boring plot points which shows that you didn't read the script at all Lool ah guy I swear you be comic relief |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 8:46pm On Jul 31, 2015 |
badinfluence:*sigh* - First my scripts were begging to be funny but you lost that one to sircumalot - Then you called american sniper extraordinary but lost that one to me Now you are all over me for originality? While you are at it why don't you hold HISHE,Honest trailers and the billions of movie critic blogs on the web? Loool! Stop struggling so much to make a point it's becoming embarrassing to read your posts and this is supposed to be a happy Thread, ok i will do you a favor and give you a like for all your troubles ok? BTW have you read thru my latest avengers post? what do you think? Honest opinion please 2 Likes |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 7:27pm On Jul 31, 2015 |
robert downey jr Oh no! James has deleted all our research and information too bad we didn't make back up copies or hard copies or copies we submitted to the Govenment. Come to think of it, this may be a cool synopsis to a fresh avengers audience 1 Yea perhaps james could remain a cyber villain that turns world powers against the avengers and unleashes their own super assassins like basil thorpe and banzai on us audience 2 Or perhaps the avengers can split into groups and contain world disasters like nuclear plant melt downs, looming wars between world powers caused by james spader etc while cobbie and the geeks fight james spader online to avenge the victims of these attacks audience 1 Or james can target the avengers exclusively and maybe the avengers can swear off technology and do things the old fashioned way just like iron man 1 audience 3 Oh my God i'm so excited to see what happens in the next few scenes narrator James downloads all of his consciousness into a robot with disney cartoon villain hand gestures and walks about creating henchmen to attack the world audience 3 well i had to hope joss whedon Villain with tons of baddies check! narrator Next james is interviewing the twins for the position of evil sidekicks james spader So how do you feel about working for free? aaron taylor (In sh*tty accent) well we don't eat or sleep or shower or go on dates like normal people so we will gladly work for free james spader I hope you don't mind this job has no closing time aaron taylor Sounds good to me james spader So why do you hate the avengers? elizabeth olsen Because our parents died in an airstrike james spader Air strike? Like with missiles and everything? Isn't your father like a metal bending mutant or something? elizabeth olsen And when we examined the bombs they came from robert downey jr's company james spader O_o You do realize he wasn't the one who fired the missiles right? Hell he's not even the guy who created the missiles if you will go after him you should perhaps go after the thousands of workers who depend on these bombs to feed their families elizabeth olsen No thanks i will just stick with robert downey jr if you don't mind james spader So i guess you would like to know what my plans and motivations are? aaron taylor/elizabeth olsen Nope james spader Really? ok let's heard unto to wakanda(man just say south africa) to go meet with a weapons dealer who used to be a friend of robert downey narrator Meanwhile at the avengers, they are unto james plan and are suiting up to go stop it robert downey jr James is going to mark ruffalo How do you know that i thought james fried our computers robert downey jr Well i've implausibly designed another AI that helps me with these things which makes you wonder why i looked so sad when Paul died. This one i call her Veronica cause an arrogant prick like me loves a woman telling me what to do chris evans What does he wanna do in robert downey jr He wants to purchase the strongest metal in the world hugh jackman You mean adamantium? That's in Nigeria not wakanda robert downey jr No adamantium is the strongest metal in x-men universe but the strongest metal in avenger universe is vibranium chris evans Hey i thought those were extinct joss whedon Oh yea we totally tossed that in the garbage too there's plenty of vibranium in the world hell they make plates and spoons out of them in Africa chris evans What are we waiting for? let's suit up people and take a thousand mile flight to Africa which in marvel time takes only five minutes jeremy renner Er shouldn't we find out where james spaders base is and destroy it? I mean that should buy us sometime right? And why is james buying vibranium when he wants to destroy the world? Why can't he just buy a ton of nuclear/biological warfare missiles from andy serkin i mean that should end the world in a snap right? joss whedon Why don't you go receive a phone call and build boring suspense? jeremy renner Ok narrator Meanwhile in aaron taylor How did we get here? Did we come by plane don't tell me they sold flight tickets to a scary robot and meth addict looking teenagers andy serkis What da f*ck?! How did non of my minions notice you come in? james spader I wanna do business with you andy serkis Any reason you couldn't do that online? And why do you bother yourself with due processes like purchasing and procurement in a world you are destroying anyway? james spader I'm putting up a team to fig..... andy serkis I can be like robert downey jr the Q of the team Thomas Kretschmann And i can be the samuel jackson of the team look i even have a funny eye thingy on james spader you dare compare me with those violent people?(Rips andy's arm off and drains Thomas Kretschmann to death) Thomas Kretschmann Really? andy serkis Oh God my arm just got ripped off and i'm neither bleeding nor screaming my lungs off narrator The avengers storm the building and begin to kick a*ss without asking questions james spader Perhaps i should get elizabeth olsen to scramble everyones brain while i give aaron taylor the vibranium to escape with.............. nah! Let's all check our senses at the door FIGHT!!! andy serkis Minions! Kill them all sure don't take me to a hospital for losing my f*cking arm narrator Aaron kicks everyones a*ss but then he holds chris's hammer for no reason and knocks himself out What was that all about? aaron taylor Elizabeth i think its time to kill them elizabeth olsen Kill them? i have a better idea i shall give them all harmless spiritual visions aaron taylor Why are your "better ideas" always full of sh*t? elizabeth olsen No they aren't(gets stunned in the head by jeremy renner) jeremy renner why didn't i just kill her? narrator The avengers are all busy either dreaming or foolishly chasing a copy of james spader and they leave mark ruffalo unattended elizabeth olsen f*ck with your mind mark ruffalo Oh sh*t (transforms and begins trashing everything on sight) robert downey jr O yea! Time for an obligatory hulk fight (Gets a silly looking armour from space within 5 seconds cause that's how space travel works) hey when did i launch that suit into space? narrator They fight anticlimatically on the streets of the most newyork looking african city in the world and the fight ends with robert crashing a building untop of mark robert downey jr Phew! Can you believe with all these commotion there wasn't a single casualty?(Flies off once more leaving the mess for the innocent people to clean up) narrator The avengers heard back to america robert downey jr So how are things back home? cobbie smulders The africans are asking for hulks arrest robert downey jr O_o they wanna arrest the hulk? Did the screen writers of this movie read this sh*t before printing it? Anyway cobbie we are going to hide off in jeremy renners house for no reason cobbie smulders Jeremy has a home? scarlett johansson Jeremy has 2 kids? wife Make that three i'm pregnant chris hemsworth Jeremy has time to hit that? chris evans Ahem! Language people. robert downey jr Wow really? What's going on? jeremy renner I'm under shield witness protection chris evans Oops! I hope i didn't expose that to the world in winter soldier robert downey jr You are in witness protection and yet you are part of a celebrity peace keeping corp? jeremy renner Hey look the boring characters have back stories in this movie ok? Now lay off while i go have an argument with my army-wife wife You are risking your life and ours by bringing them here what if someone traced their flight here and choose to storm the place when you are not around? jeremy renner But they need me? wife they need a robinhood wannabe to protect a super soldier, a god, a battle suit man and a monster? That makes no sense you know that right? joss whedon Man just read your script we have no intention on developing on boring jeremy renners boring family ok? mark ruffalo Hey robert you jackass you know this is all your fault right? robert downey jr No its not and i'm definitely not going to learn from it, if you ever come across any dangerous material be sure to keep it away from me cause i never learn mark ruffalo what's that supposed to mean? wife Hey could you fix my car i wanna drive to the grocery store which is like in another state really where do we go for church-ing or school-ing or to watch a movie? robert downey jr Ok so where's the car? samuel l jackson boo! What da f*ck am i doing here i thought i was hunting down hydra spies in eastern europe and how come i got my eye patch back? Didn't i burn it up at the end of winter soldier? robert downey jr I bet you've heard the story of how i created this boring villain who wants to destroy the world but i thought since i did a good job assembling the avengers that i could do a better job with ultron samuel l jackson Now you are taking credit for my ideas? Man just how much continuity are we getting rid of? narrator Scarlett shows up in mark's room to lay some naughty on him mark ruffalo O_o the world may end soon and you are thinking about sex? scarlett johansson Boring avengers have back stories now so why not a love interest? To be continued...... 9 Likes 3 Shares |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 7:08pm On Jul 31, 2015 |
badinfluence: 90% of hollywood movies are generic and that is why you think american sniper was a wrong movie to pick on? like i said you are free to like american sniper no need for the excuses and justifications i'm posting my avengers part 3 script today and i shall dedicate it to you enjoy badinfluence: wow! Thanks for the discovery you are so smart too bad people say it on every single thread of mine i believe Someone even beat u to it on this thread |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 6:01pm On Jul 31, 2015 |
badinfluence:nah it's attention seeking and not even the subtle kind you know, the kind where you just jump and go all "attack attack" especially when your point at the end was the exact same thing you read from mrmagoo earlier but don't worry attention seeking isn't a bad thing especially if you actually get the attention badinfluence:hehehe so you can rush in and attention seek? badinfluence: Are you serious? It was lazy, it was generic, it was super predictable I mean an ordinary man joins the army he becomes awesome then encounters another excellent soldier on the enemy's side that kills his soldier friends and sends him into Post traumatic stress disorder please haven't we seen that in hurt locker,enemy at the gates,jarhead,machine gun preacher and if possible every other war movie there is in hollywood? Come on, if its the awards it won well guess what? its a movie on chris kyle of course it will win something But its cool sha i'm not mad at you for liking it 2 Likes |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 4:20pm On Jul 31, 2015 |
badinfluence: you mean the same way your comment screams i must be noticed? But it's cool anyway, so what other scripts of mine have you read? I'm bored i need to chat with someone at least till magoo gets back |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 11:29am On Jul 31, 2015 |
Rotfl! Na wa una funny o if u're looking to sound deep to your friends go read a science book or watch a pretentious movie from lars von trier and pier pasolini but don't tell me nonsense like age of ultron was a deep movie with a deep message of all movies didn't you have a headache after watching it? 3 Likes 1 Share |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 11:03am On Jul 31, 2015 |
mrmagoo:of course we know it's hard work na i've been on several movie sets from hell it's hard work to shoot a movie especially with an incompetent staff, the point of the matter is everyone works hard to shoot a movie whether good or bad or nollywood its expected its not something you have to keep praising over and over again and come on the movie was bad nothing personal |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 10:49am On Jul 31, 2015 |
mrmagoo: Come on we are just having fun here |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 10:19am On Jul 31, 2015 |
mrmagoo: ouch! |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 7:26pm On Jul 30, 2015 |
narrator the avengers leave the scene without cleaning up the dead bodies they littered the forest with chris hemsworth hey ruffalo we did a herd count of all the people we murdered today and you have the highest share again, congratulations mark ruffalo I kill people? And i'm just worrying about that now? chris hemsworth Ha loki's sceptre lemme see how far i can chunk it into space robert downey jr no don't do that? chris hemsworth Why? robert downey jr Let's not dump the whole loki sceptre plot, let's go green and recycle it chris hemsworth Oh that's true let's just hope nothing evil comes from the sceptre even though it comes from a planet that almost killed us all in the last movie narrator they head back to base which is a robert downey jr Hey mark why are you wearing a lab coat? mark ruffalo Because i'm a geek scientist remember? robert downey jr Really? So the idea for hulk was stolen from dr. Jekyll and mr. Hyde? ugh! Marvel mark ruffalo Ok loki's sceptre lets destroy it robert downey jr Actually i was thinking of recycling it mark ruffalo Ok you mean the way they tried to recycle the tesseract but ended up unleashing loki and a bunch of demon army aliens we had a hard time killing robert downey jr No i mean we should harness the artificial intelligence within the sceptre and use it to save the world while we go about our boring lives mark ruffalo An artificial intelligence from a sceptre? How did you create that? robert downey jr I'll rather not say, seriously an important plot detail like that will totally go unexplained mark ruffalo Why don't you get your house party protocol to protect the world or your remote iron man for that or better still LEAVE IT TO THE GOVERNMENT who should totally be informed before such a dangerous experiment robert downey jr Ehn! Who listens to you anyway? Hey paul activate the artificial intelligence in the sceptre while we are gone ok paul bettany Well shall i scan for any malware before uploading this unknown entity into your computer? robert downey jr Nah! Just run it through my good man mark ruffalo Isn't that how ben whishaw allowed javier bardem escape holding in skyfall? robert downey jr PARTY!!!! cobbie smulders We are having a party? Why? robert downey jr Er i don't know isn't that what super heroes do at the end of the day? cobbie smulders Yea maybe power rangers and terra hawks shouldn't we be at some pentagon strategy meeting or something i mean that's how peace keeping corps work in real life right? robert downey jr More st*pidity less realism stan lee Hey guys remember me i was the cameo character who didn't believe in super heroes well i'm in the sequel of that movie i'm a cameo character who is a groupie for the avengers am i wearing a disguise that makes me look different from the other guy? No! I look the exact same way seriously, why does marvel keep making me do these cameo appearances? i don't think anyone comes to a marvel movie to watch a ten second clip of marvel's obnoxious CEO anthony mackie Hey chris why didn't you take me with you to kick some hydra a*ss? chris evans Oh you're in this movie? I thought we were gonna act like you never happened so are we still looking for sebastian stan or......... anthony mackie F*ck no this is totally a cameo appearance excuse me while i go mingle with alchoholics try to forget that i belonged to an alchoholics anonymous support group in winter soldier okay? don cheadle Hey i'm also in this movie chris evans Ok what are the side kicks from our stand alone movies doing here? joss whedon Just wanna show those guys in the audience who call marvel racists for having an all white cast, look we even have an asian "stereotypical" nerd asian I'm not just a stereotype i hold the key to an important plot point and a new character joss whedon Which could have landed anyone in america but hey sucking asia's d*ck here to get asians to watch the movie so i shall make you korean for no reason robert downey jr So how is home? chris evans Too broke to afford a home i'm a hobo once more robert downey jr Wow and you are giving me sh*t for cursing? chris evans language!!! robert downey jr how can a dude called captain america indirectly sh*t on the american dream of owning a home? nice bomb to drop on the kids in the audience chris hemsworth Hey robert how is your girlfriend? robert downey jr Who gwyneth paltrow? Yea she is super wrinkled and looks like my mother perhaps that's why we chose not to cast her in this movie but she still exists though chris hemsworth Well my girlfriend is f*cking aston kutcher till i get back robert downey jr Ew! What a skank chris hemsworth Nah there are No strings attached i'll say your girlfriend is the skank robert downey jr No your girlfriend is a skank chris hemsworth No, yours robert downey jr No, yours mark ruffalo Hey scarlett you wanna get an unstable dangerous dude a shot of tequila? scarlett johansson Hahahaha you're so funny mark ruffalo No seriously i wanna get hammered tonight Why are you giving me f*ck me eyes? scarlett johansson Cause i've got the hots for you even though we had no chemistry whatsoever in the prequel, wanna take this heat upstairs? mark ruffalo Well if i could remember properly, when i tried bang liv tyler i almost turned into the green guy............ Wait a minute i haven't been laid since 2008? How frustrating grrrrrr! scarlett johansson *rolling eyes* i'll just go upstairs and rub one out mark ruffalo Hey chris you see that? Scarlett was totally flirting with me chris evans Nah she's an office sl*t she flirts with everyone(walks away) narrator meanwhile paul bettany has awoken james spader paul bettany Hello james spader why does that name sound familiar? james spader Cause i was in that movie with jack nicholson where i tried to have butt sex with michelle pfeifer paul bettany Woa! What are doing? Stop! No means no! I said stop! It hurts!....... my guess is whoever wrote this didn't realize this part plays out like an artificial intelligence is trying to r*pe a dude james spader Shh!(Dominates paul) oooo! I hear a parrrrrrtey? narrator Back at the party the avengers talk about dumb sh*t like trying to lift thors hammer which just so happens to be there don cheadle Lemme try lemme try grrrrrrr! (Sh*ts his pants) chris hemsworth I'm telling you only those who are worthy can lift my hammer robert downey jr So if we are to forge your palm print perhaps we can lift it Kind of like timothy daltons palm print signature gun in licensed to kill chris hemsworth Wow! Never thought of that possibility robert downey jr Yep me neither let's keep tugging at it like *diots mark ruffalo Lemme try robert downey jr We saw how the green guy couldn't lift it in the last movie so don't bother chris evans Lemme try it(lifts it a little) robert downey jr No way, how come chris gets to lift it?i'm more powerful than chris, mark and chris hemsworth combined chris hemsworth Really? robert downey jr Well yea, my suit actually stood its ground against you and your hammer in the prequel and i get to knock mark's tooth out later in this movie and i will gladly use chris evans here to pick my teeth when i'm done chris hemsworth Whatever hey scarlett wanna give it a try? scarlett johansson Nope because men are stronger than women and what a man can't do a woman can't even dream of it marvel Moral of the story: *tongue out* to feminine rights activists everywhere james spader hey guys i heard y'all having a party allow me open the dance floor with my steps from micheal jacksons thriller robert downey jr Oh coincidentally the party guests all left before you finished what ever you were doing, we are here to find out who is worthy of lifting chris hemsworth's hammer james spader How can you be worthy? Your stand alones all suck - Chris evans you leaked government secret but allowed a criminal get away because he was your non-aging friend from WWII - Chris hemsworth you were totally fooled with a fake death by a dude who pretended you arm was cut a second ago -Scarlett johanssen,jeremy renner and cobbie smulders are super boring and shouldn't be in this movie in the first place -Mark ruffalo they never explore any new grounds with your character and you always sound like a dork chris hemsworth Who sent you? james spader Really? i came out of the lab out back, i'm in a mecha suit you wanna guess who sent me dumbass? Robert downey jr Please don't tell me my plan back fired and activated a violent AI set to destroy the world? james spader No i'm here for peace robert downey jr Phew! james spader That's why i shall attack you with your mudane traffic warden robo-cops robert downey jr Why? james spader Eh so everyone can have a chance at defeating them i have cobbie,scarlett and jeremy renner to take under consideration you know robert downey jr No why are you attacking us what is your motivation as a villain? james spader Oh that's simple my motivation is to make the avengers extinct i mean to wage a war against the world for waging wars against themselves i mean i wanna set puppets free everywhere i mean....... robert downey jr still don't get that puppet concept you threw around in the trailer what does it mean you were never a puppet hell you weren't even a living being james spader Oh don't bother about that cause i'm not going to bother explaining it see ya got to go surf the web and cause havoc cobbie smulders Ok you know james f*cking with the internet is gonna be detrimental right? Why don't we design a defence programme to protect vital industries and information from cyber attacks chris hemsworth I got a better idea(grabs robert by the neck and starts shaking him like a rag doll for 2 seconds) this is your fault, this your fault don cheadle Wow that was necessary, did anyone notice that james appearance was kind of similar to how loki made his first appearance in the prequel? joss whedon Oh yea i noticed avengers one was seriously over hyped so i guess creating an avengers movie formular is a good business choice right? We are gonna do the exact same things we did last time and then wrap it up in new packs and call it fresh mark ruffalo Hey what's wrong with paul? robert downey jr Paul is dead mark riffalo really did james eat him up or something why does he look like that? Do computer programmes even get killed ugh! Marvel To be continued..... 2 Likes |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 10:35pm On Jul 27, 2015 |
GJames:Loool @screen junkies those guys are awesome 1 Like |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 8:38am On Jul 26, 2015 |
1 Like |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 9:08pm On Jul 25, 2015 |
ovalrose: they come from my pain and disappointment |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 9:35am On Jul 24, 2015 |
brothers: Yea i heard the superman batman flick is going to be good Its going to feature doomsday |
TV/Movies / Re: Who Remembers This TV Series Called Terrahawks? by severee(m): 9:06am On Jul 24, 2015 |
Beremx: You liked terrahawks? But it was always so gross and the characters are so scary especially the aliens |
TV/Movies / Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 8:57am On Jul 24, 2015 |
narrator the movie begins in sokovia(man just say poland) where our avengers are thankful that they still have careers jeremy renner Phew! Good thing i was retained despite my starring in that sh*tty hansel and gretel reboot scarlett johansson Yea and my gawd awful sci-fi assassin flick lucy didn't kill my chances with marvel either chris evans Thank you God for keeping me in the avengers after that crappy snowpiercer movie mark ruffalo Perhaps marvels cheapness over looked my starring in that cheesy flick now you see me robert downey jr Well at least you didn't star in some sick flick where you scored with your daughter why did i ever star in the judge? chris hemsworth It could be worse, you could be in a boring snow white reboot with kristen stewart narrator meanwhile in hydra quarters Thomas Kretschmann is sh*tting his pants Thomas Kretschmann Hey i thought i was a main villain? You mean i'm just a pre-credit sequence baddie? Ugh! So much for my high expectations narrators next the avengers are asking questions about their story continuity which marvel tossed in the trash robert downey jr Hey why am i in a battle suit? I thought i vowed never to be iron man again? I even destroyed all my suits what was that about? The suits don't even look different scarlett johansson And why am i not in prison for wiki-leaking government secret to the entire world? edward snowden yea america you owe me an apology chris evans Hey how come i have a motorcycle? Didn't i trash it in winter soldier? mark ruffalo How come when i turn into the hulk, my shirt rips up but my pants still stay on? chris hemsworth Hey how come i still have asgardian powers? I thought i was banished for treason at the end of dark world? Thomas Kretschmann And how did you find my base? I thought there was nothing to find? stan lee Well do you watch agents of shield Thomas Kretschmann Yuk! Does anyone watch that? stan lee Well *shrugs* tough sh*t you would have been aware that your base has been discovered jeremy renner Hey how come avengers can blow anyones country to sh*t don't we run into jurisdiction issues? stan lee Shut up jeremy renner And how come we kill a sh*t ton of people without the UN charging us with genocide? stan lee Didn't i say shut up? jeremy renner Why do they even call us the good guys when we save the world from self inflicted problems stan lee that's it! Shoot him shoot him now narrator jeremy gets blasted in the nuts jeremy renner Oh i just got wounded like i aint p*ssy enough, ugh I wonder who signs my pay checks now that shield has gone under? Cause i'm gonna need a hefty health insurance to hire a korean chick to fix my nuts back robert downey jr Dammit sh*t f*ck i just fired missiles at the hydra fortress but its protected by a blue force field? Apparently someone forgot to tell joss whedon this isn't a cartoon chris evans woa! Dude easy on the strong language remember this is a kiddy flick and we need to mind what we show kids robert downey jr is that why you graphically crushed those hydra agents throat with your shield and smashed them with your motorcycle? chris evans Er(changes topic) hey look the force field is down ATTACK!!! Thomas Kretschmann Holy f*ck they are in what do we do? Henry Goodman We could use the twins aaron taylor and elizabeth olsen Thomas Kretschmann Yea you mean the twins hitting on each other? someone please tell them this aint godzilla aaron taylor Ew! We are siblings? but we f*cking kissed and fondled our goodies and we have an annoying kid elizabeth olsen that was another movie, this is a different movie that's why we have st*pid hair styles and obnoxious eastern european accents Henry Goodman Guys guys suit up the avengers have bursted in here aaron taylor Agh! Don't worry godzilla will save us oh i forgot wrong movie RUN!!! Thomas Kretschmann Don't ask them to suit up you *diot they aren't ready what do you expect them to do? Henry Goodman Well one can cause an avalanche while the other can mind control the avengers into fighting each other take your pick Thomas Kretschmann Nah! Let's keep sending more hydra soldiers for the avengers to wipe their a*sses with, meanwhile i shall make my evil escape Henry Goodman How? By subpod?getaway train?getaway jet? Thomas Kretschmann Screw that! I'll escape by foot narrator chris evans bursts in elizabeth olsen Take that!*zaps chris evans* chris evans Hehehe that tickles hey guys our primary villains in this movie are teenagers please try not to testosterone them to death aaron taylor Hey look robert downey jr is out of his suit elizabeth olsen You mean the strongest and most valuable player that controls the avengers? chris evans Hey i thought that was me elizabeth olsen Pfft! Yea right aaron taylor And we also have an axe to grind with robert downey jr this is like a dream come true so how do we kill him? elizabeth olsen Kill him? Oh i have a better idea i shall GIVE HIM NIGHTMARES muahahahahahaha aaron taylor Night mares? I thought he already had those, isn't that the reason why he had those spongebob like panic attacks in iron man 3? elizabeth olsen No this nightmare is different it is a giant f*ck you to the audience YOU JUST WASTED YOUR MONEY AGAIN!!! Captain americas shield didn't break it was just a dream audience Really? All that was just another mandarin scam how disappointing joss whedon Oh we are just getting started this movie is one giant boat of disappointments stay tuned chris evans Yawn! I'm tired of this unfair fight. Lets call it a day(knocks out Thomas with his shield) Thomas Kretschmann Really? chris evans Hey scarlett time to tone down the hulk scarlett johansson *sigh* alright big guy lets get this over with(touches mark's palm) mark ruffalo Oh sh*t(creams his shots) scarlett johansson Phew! Thank God it didn't have to be another bl*wjob, hey why is my hair style short and colored different in this movie? chris evans Ok let's not confiscate hydra's work equipment so that it can be used as a base by another villain,oorah! AVENGERS MOVE OUT To be continued.... 8 Likes 1 Share
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TV/Movies / Re: Ten Things Hollywood Does Wrong by severee(m): 4:11pm On Jun 09, 2015 |
GJames: Looooool roger that! |
TV/Movies / Re: Ten Things Hollywood Does Wrong by severee(m): 7:22am On Jun 08, 2015 |
GJames:of course na no be marvel film? The only thing that interests me about the movie is that james spader and elizabeth olsen are in the movie |
TV/Movies / Re: Ten Things Hollywood Does Wrong by severee(m): 10:01pm On Jun 06, 2015 |
GJames:hellz yea I'm warming up for this years summer blockbuster movies Seeing avengers age of ultron next friday wish me luck |
TV/Movies / Re: Ten Things Hollywood Does Wrong by severee(m): 7:56pm On Jun 06, 2015 |
GJames: no mind them, them want make chinese ppl ginger to go watch them film N10 sense |
TV/Movies / Re: Ten Things Hollywood Does Wrong by severee(m): 5:09pm On Jun 06, 2015 |
GJames: Mtchew! Hollywood film wey from advert you don already know how film go start and how e go end They are becoming too greedy and it's not good |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Half Of A Yellow Sun by severee(m): 12:40pm On Jun 06, 2015 |
richardoz: mtchew! I even dey give am free publicity after the dry film wey e do Wasted mb If not for the graphics and sound, i for don swear for the guy 2 Likes |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Half Of A Yellow Sun by severee(m): 12:18am On May 31, 2015 |
VillageBoi: Lol thanks Na wa o una really hate the film gan |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Half Of A Yellow Sun by severee(m): 10:31pm On May 30, 2015 |
Csami: My pleasure Hollywood summer blockbusters Loading....10%..... |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Half Of A Yellow Sun by severee(m): 9:24pm On May 30, 2015 |
narrator thandie and chiwetel exodus their a*sses to a refugee camp to teach and help out thandie newton[\b] Oh no we are suffering the set backs of war we are so poor we can't even afford kerosine........ even though we all look well fed,we can afford new clothes,john can afford to get an optic prescription , i can afford new hair dressings, chiwetel can afford his expensive bottle of scotch and petrol for our Exodus mobile ........ but we are suffering anyway [b]narrator john takes a leisure stroll around a military occupied territory soldiers hello there young man of sound health and fighting age, we would like to welcome you into the ojukwu army with a terrifying gun shot to the air and a kick in the a*ss (Toss john into a truck) john boyega Wow perhaps this is an opportunity for the story of the civil war to be told from the eyes of a soldier on the field perhaps we can even show some kick-a*ss scenes biyi bandele ha! Very funny(kills john off screen) narrator thandie's C U N Tijuana sister shows up to the slum where thandie lives anika noni rose Hello sis i'm making money from the war thandie newton How? are you selling government secrets? anika noni rose Nope thandie newton Are you selling arms and ammunition? anika noni rose Nope thandie newton Then how are you making money? Did you place a bet on William hill or something? anika noni rose look i'm making money from the war. And that's that okay? Anyway with all of my affluence i've decided to bonk with you in your ghetto pad just don't get carried away and f*ck joseph again thandie newton My p*ssy lips are sealed perhaps we should end the movie here and post some commentaries after? biyi bandele Nope thandie newton But what else is left? I've patched things up with my sister,she's patched things up with her husband, i've married chiwetel shouldn't it end there? i mean we all know how the civil war ended biyi bandele Whose the director here you or me? Trust me i have a kicka*ss ending in store for this movie just watch narrator next biyi bandele starts stringing set pieces together cause yes he doesn't know how to end the movie SET 1 anika finds some villagers trying to Aluulize a soldier anika noni rose O_o you do realize this is one of the soldiers fighting for your independence? If you can do this to him i hate to see what you'll do when you capture an enemy soldier(takes the soldier into her house) narrator SET 2 ojukwu is on the silver screen again odumegwu ojukwu Look i know we are losing territories and we've killed like a bizillion Nigerians displaced another kajillion and are currently starving a brazillion of them but i promise you we shall come out victorious in the end i shall fight till the last drop of my blood(nose sprouts like pinnochio) yakubu gowon And i shall do everything possible to secure the lives and property of every Nigerian (Nose sprouts like pinnochio) narrator SET 3 anika,joseph,thandie and chiwetel have dinner while anika acts like a real b*tch to chiwetel chiwetel ejiofor hi anika we finally meet anika noni rose Hello grissly chiwetel ejiofor haha hairy joke i get it anika noni rose Hey thandie you get carpet burns during sex chiwetel ejiofor *rolls eyes* anika noni rose Chiwetel knock knock? chiwetel ejiofor whose there? anika noni rose Chew chiwetel ejiofor Chew Who? anika noni rose Chewbecca chiwetel ejiofor Ugh! joseph mawle i gat one how bout we open a bottle of vino and........... chiwetel ejiofor nice try twin f*cker Narrator SET 4 chiwetel and thandie are snoozing when Yakubus Airforce give them a wake up call chiwetel ejiofor holy sh*t everyone to the Exodus mobile time for some stunt driving guys biyi bandele Haha you just never learn i'm here to kill every scene that looks like it has a bit of excitement in it(cuts the scene) chiwetel ejiofor Ever noticed in the air raid scenes we never hear the sound of the planes? and they keep targeting sand and grass *shrugs* biyi bandele They are called stealth assault angels that's why they magically tip toe all over the scenery Narrator anika, thandie, joseph and chiwetel have dinner again anika noni rose Ok we are out of food so i'm going to the dangerous parts of town to buy food chiwetel ejiofor I don't think that's a good idea but since you've been acting like a b*tch all i have to say is go for it narrator anika and her sweet a*ss is never seen again, we take a peek at the soldiers odumegwu ojukwu Hey Phillip i've got good news and i've got bad news Phillip effiong Oooooh lay it on me odumegwu ojukwu Bad news is..............i'm running off to ivory coast and i'm taking my mercedes benz with me for swag purposes Phillip effiong say what?! odumegwu ojukwu Chill you haven't even heard the good news yet, now you'll get to be president for the next few weeks make those weeks count Phillip effiong What about all our fallen soldiers who believed in this cause? odumegwu ojukwu Don't worry my friend *singing* the sun will come out tomorrow it's the way i hang on till tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow i love ya tomorrow is only a day away Phillip effiong F*ck you disco santa claus(walks away) Narrator SET 5 Phillip effiong addresses the nation chris effiong Hey guys remember how we actually thought we could win a war against a sovereign nation headed by a Military regime that doesn't give a sh*t about human rights? We just found out we can't, so yea civil war is over go home let's hope Yakubus army doesn't go all post pearl harbour and concerntration/POW camp our a*sses yakubu gowon Concerntration camp? That's a good ide.......... Oh wait a second you want me to run one so they charge me with war crimes i ain't falling for that Come to think of it i was kind of a d*ck in this war why am i not going down for gross human rights violation? isreal (F*cking up palestinians) human rights? What's human rights? America (Violating rights to privacy) human rights? Does Gowon have Nuclear warheads? no? Sorry don't really give a sh*t then...... but call us when gay rights are violated we take that sh*t seriously south-africa (Enjoying appatheid) human rights of black beingpeople violated? sounds like christmas hey gowon call us when you need a hand russia don't you even think of looking back here yakubu gowon The darkest days in Nigeria is over now we shall build a new Nigeria based on prosperity, unity and peace(Nose sprouts like pinnochio) chiwetel ejiofor Mtchew! And i was having fun with the Airforce and displacement this sucks where are you two going? O_o thandie newton Joseph and i are going in search of anika you know since the war is over and all chiwetel ejiofor Ok just don't f*ck each other on the way thandie newton It happened just one time i don't f*ck everyman i see it's really un becoming ugh! narrator SET 6 they search,then they search , then they search some more, then they wonder why chiwetel isn't among the search party since he seems to be more familiar with the routes, then joseph starts crying like a b*tch then thandie grabs the wheel off him then they finally give up and go home john boyega hi guys i'm not actually dead! They thought i was dead but i'm not because seriously that sh*t never gets old with Nollywood flicks joseph bawle So thanks for your hospitality i shall bid farewell and keep searching for anika chiwetel ejiofor Sure and we shall return to our home and hope it hasn't being bombed or possessed by someone else i mean it's not like that sh*t didn't happen after the real civil war baby Will aunt kainene be joining us? thandie newton Aunt who now? baby Your sister thandie newton Oh that's her character name? Ok i almost forgot since there are so many characters that it's a chore just to keep up wait a minute are you spiting me with her disappearance?how can you be so mean? you know she's missing and you are making jest of us well guess what? I ain't your real mom and your real mom is probably dead just like anika now how is that for a comeback smart a*ss? biyi bandele Haha see that? I ended the movie with a good old fashioned "cliffhanger" that's how you end a movie Audience Yea every character in the movie ends up successful and the most unlikeable characters were either killed or displaced, no cliffhanging there , by the way what is the lesson of this 1hour 55 f*cking minute story? BFI Oh come on haven't you gotten a hint? The lesson is that black people are selfish, ignorant,jealous and lazy people who aren't ready to rule themselves now give your country back to the queen Audience never BFI neo colonialism rain check? Audience you got yourself a deal! End 2 Likes |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Half Of A Yellow Sun by severee(m): 8:10pm On May 28, 2015 |
Csami:as in when all of them dey die e be like dream |
TV/Movies / Re: Swing And A Miss: Half Of A Yellow Sun by severee(m): 7:41pm On May 28, 2015 |
Csami:Mtchew f*cking predictable death come on they could do better why didn't they kill chiwetel instead? Bone say na actor shock value is the best way to sell me a movie just check out; -The departed -Scarface -oldboy |
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