₦airaland Forum

A wife material according to the society standard is often time a woman who is great at cooking and cleaning, who
nurtures and can never stop giving,who is humble and respects her man constantly (now, respect used here is always
what a woman is being taught to show her man in order to massage his ego. Most times; not what a man shows his
woman wholeheartedly in some cases).

A woman who is overtly submissive and can never make any contrary opinion, a woman who can give up her dream,
career or ambition just to be a stay at home mum because that is her greatest accomplishment in life. A woman who
can endure every physical, emotional and psychological abuse because it's a man's world and in order to be referred to
as a good woman has to stay put in her marriage and hope her man doesn't kill her someday.

She is a woman who is expected to be emotionally mature and should always turn blind eyes to the philandering ways
of her husband because African men are polygamous in nature. She is a woman who should never complain about not
being sexually satisfied in bed and should instead kill her sexual urges and transfer all her love to her children. She is
a woman who should always ask her man for permission before making new friends. She is a woman who should gladly
give up her identity that has been a part of her life for so many years and wholeheartedly take up her husband's
surname because it shows that she is submissive to her man. She is a woman who should always strive hard to make
her man happy even when she is losing part of herself in the process. All these attributes are what our mothers
exhibited in the past, that made them to be referred to as good wives and mothers of those days.

But, when a woman defies all these attributes and believes a she should be her own individual who doesn't have to give
up her identity, her career and can as a matter of fact be opinionated, who believes the level of respect she shows her
man should be shown to her in equal proportion. A woman who sees herself as being equal to her husband and doesn't
have to endure the physical, psychological and emotional abuse meted out on her to be called a good wife and mother
according to the society standard.Can she still be referred to as a wife material? How does the society view this type of
woman? She is often time seen as an arrogant woman who will definitely end up old and lonely because no man likes it
when his authority is being challenged.

This brings me to the question of what marriage is really all about. Is marriage supposed to be a master/servant
relationship where a man gets to exerts his authority as the 'head of the house' irrespective of the fact that whenever
he makes a wrong decision, his family will be at the receiving end?. Isn't it supposed to a partnership because two
people have agreed to spend the rest of their lives together? I don't understand the rationale behind the fact that for a
marriage to be successful, a woman has take up the Messiah form, because it is her greatest failure as a woman if she
can't keep her marriage. If her man should cheat on her, she has to take the blame, because she is definitely not doing
something right which led her man outside and has to understand the fact that all men are polygamous in nature.

As a result of all these attributes, which is expected from a woman by the society; we no longer have women who are
true to themselves or better put,women who exhibit their true characters like their male counterparts because of the
gender expectations that has been placed on them. That is why we have bitter women all over who promote misandry
and not what true feminism entails, they always see men as scum, animals,beasts and what have you because of what
they've experienced in the hands men. (But the truth is, not all men are scum. There are still so many good men out
there). They are women who have been taught that the best way to secure a man is to be homely (a woman who has to
exhibit every attributes listed above to be called a wife material) but resentment will always set in when in spite of all
these qualities, the marriage or relationship fails.

Some of our young girls these days no longer have an identity of their own, whatever they do is always remotely
connected to how to get a man. They regurgitate every lesson they have internalised from the society, if they can't keep
up with the qualities, they resort to pretence in order to make the man see them as the standard 'wife material'. This
still beats my imagination,because I don't understand why a woman is supposed to act in a certain way and aspire to
marry while the man doesn't have to go through all these.

The society will thrive better when the burden of gender expectations isn't placed on any sex. A wife material is only a
word coined by some misogynists who expect that a woman should act in a certain way to be viewed as a perfect
being by the society. Both men and women should possess good qualities that qualifies them for marriage, pressure
should never be put on any gender.

www.simplybami..com

emispackage:
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Thank you OP.
www.simplybami..com

EHI9ICE:
I keep losing so much that it almost seems like losing is my main aim for betting.

.
Kindly click on this link to learn how to break free from it.

http://simplybami..co.ke/2017/12/how-to-break-loose-from-bondage-of.html?m=1

The issue of betting amongst the youths has proliferated to the extent that the outcome is something very disastrous. Our youths these days, most especially the guys;have resorted into making betting their favourite pastime, by looking for an easy way out to make fast money. As a result of this, they've enriched the betting companies we have around in a quest to make money from them. There are so many betting companies in Nigeria like:bet9ja,Merry bet, Lions bet,Naijabet,Nairabet,Surebet etc. Whose primary aim is to entice the gullible youths and convince them that the only way for them to be successful is to keep betting with the little money they have in order to make it big. The usual word of advice we grew up with from our parents those days which was 'Hardwork Pays' has been thrown into the thin air all in a bid to make that 'fast money'.

What exactly is the cause of this vice that has spread like wild fire all over the country? As usual, the bad leaders we have in Nigeria readily comes to mind. But, is that enough reason for this menace? No Nigerian citizen is happy with the government as it is of today, but that doesn't mean everyone is participating in this act. So what exactly is the cause? It is simply the 'Get Rich Syndrome' that has engulfed the youths. Everybody wants to make money fast and break free from the clutches of poverty. Now, it is a good thing to hustle in order to make ends meet and better one's life. But it becomes disturbing when that energy is channelled into counter productive acts which betting happens to be part of. Greed is primarily the cause of this disturbing act. The guys these days want to use one hundred naira to make one million naira by forecasting different games. But they forget that it is only Hardwork that can make one successful in life. Are you a struggling guy trying to make ends meet in Nigeria and you think the only way to make it is to keep betting? Please, desist from this act because it is very destructive as the disadvantages far outweigh the advantages.

The followings are the effects/consequences of betting

DISTRACTION

Betting makes one lose focus. The time and energy one can use to do productive things is often time being used to forecast different games. Betting can be very addictive, and once this sets in, it doesn't matter where that person is, whether he's inside the church, office or even public transport ,they dedicate their precious time into setting the games with high hope that it would eventually turn out well. When the game finally turns out well, they will start looking for their slip (for those that visit the betting centers instead of playing on their betting account)as if their lives depends on it. This will always affect your life, you will lose out on vital information as a result of preoccupying yourself with betting. You could even lose your job in the process as a result of distraction. So why not just stop it now?

PSYCHOLOGICAL TRAUMA

Someone told me recently about a fresher that used his school fees to bet. He had boasted to his friends about how he will be the youngest millionaire in the entire school, the type of car he would buy and the number of girls he would date. But his beautiful dream was shattered when just one team spoilt his ticket. He couldn't pay his tuition, and almost committed suicide as a result of this. He finally had to open up to his parents about his misdeed and they sorted him out. Of course, he became the laughing stock of his department. This affected him psychologically and almost turned him into a social recluse. That is just one example of how traumatising the issue of betting can be . Nobody can readily agree to be a loser. So you can imagine the devastation that sets in when you realise that all your life savings has gone and you've got nothing to show for it. This will inevitably lead to depression, and it will only take strong will to break off the chain.

FINANCIAL RECKLESSNESS

Research shows that most people who engage in this despicable act are always prone to be broke. They are always in one financial difficulty or the other, because of the huge amount of money they waste daily on betting. When they've exhausted their personal savings, they will resort to borrowing money from their friends just to bet! and if the game comes out bad, they will have to depend solely on someone else to eat. This is really embarrassing, why can't you be contented with the little you have and take off the 'Get Rich Syndrome' that has engulfed you?

HOW TO OVERCOME THIS ADDICTION

BE DETERMINED

Betting is not something one can do away with easily. But with determination,you can get through it. Just make up up mind today to disassociate yourself from anything that has to do with betting, and make sure you stick to this resolution.

DELETE YOUR BETTING ACCOUNT

Most guys now play through their betting accounts on their phone. If you really want to overcome this addiction, you have to delete your betting account.

STAY AWAY FROM ANY BETTING CENTER

If you're on a journey of letting go of this vice, then you have to try as much as possible to stay away from any betting center in your area. The urge might get so strong when passing through the vicinity of a betting center, but try to overcome it. Or better still, avoid taking that route till you're sure you've broken free from the clutches of betting.

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH LIKE MINDED PEOPLE

You have to let go of your friends that are hooked on this addiction and make new friends that are free from this addiction. It will make the transition easy. Don't be too hard on yourself, you will renege on your promise and probably go back to betting, but you have to be firm with your stance. Remember, it is never easy to break free from an addiction.

Betting is a form of mental slavery, wake up and smell the coffee. These betting companies are making so much money from the shallow minded youths. Hardwork Pays, can we all stick to that? Stop looking for a fast means to make money. Just stick to what you know how to do best and be diligent in it.

www.simplybami..com

Strobe:
Lukaku score u no fit score,defend you still no fit! Aye e ti baje

please, take it easy.

szen:
Can we all agree now that Man City have won this league?

Let's keep our fingers crossed.

Zanas:
Lukaku is a disaster

He's so annoying.

Lalas247:
Kikikik
NUMBER 3 though lol
It’s true though ... those ones that drain ur energy same question everyday

‘Have you eaten ‘

No muda Fuka I’m here waiting for u to ask me before I eat boring ass dudes

NUMBER 6
Example of fukboyz that what they do so they don’t mix up names... they give a universal name ...

Babe ... baby ... sweetie ,,,,, sweetheart ... etc

Lol,it's very annoying.

samyfreshsmooth:
After reading through all i can say is one word

BEAUTIFUL!!!

Thank you Sam. To read other beautiful articles, just click on my link.

There are some traits some guys exhibit these days which ladies find repulsive. Though, some guys engage in such act
without knowing it's wrong, while others just feel it's a norm. I've come up with a list, if you're a guy and you fall under
this category, please desist from it and try to mend your ways

1. THE GUYS WHO HIDE UNDER THE CLOAK OF NICE GUYS

An incident happened few days ago, when I went to a restaurant to get a decent meal. As the lady was attending to me,
a guy sashayed in with his friend and the following conversation ensued:

Guy: hello, how are you?

Me: i'm fine, thank you.

Guy:you're pretty.

Me: thank you.

Guy:what's your name?

Me: Bami

(As I was about paying for my meal he cuts in)

Guy: don't worry, I will pick up the bill.

I smiled because I knew what he was getting at, so I politely declined and thanked him for his kind gesture. He insisted
and then I asked him why he was hell bent on paying for my meal. Then he said something shocking.

Guy:you're a beautiful girl, you should not be paying for your meal while I'm here.

I gazed at him surprisingly, if he had known the kind of person I was, he wouldn't have uttered that statement.
Apparently, he had tried that with other girls in past. Then I heard his friend whispering to him to make sure he gets my
mobile number. I knew that was what he was up to in the first place, but I kept my calm and offered my money to the
attendant the second time. He told her not to collect the money from me, insisting that he was going to pay. Then I lost
my cool, this guy was already creating a scene, he snatched the money from the attendant and shoved it into my
shopping bag that was with me. I shouted at him to stop embarrassing me and I went outside to pay to the madam, but
this guy still followed me and even suggested that he was going to drop me at home with his car. After much drama, I
paid the madam, and of course I didn't give him my number.

Ok guys, I get it, you want act like mister nice guy,like the one I just described up there just to impress a new girl you
just met. Trust me, I understand. But there should be a boundary. How can you just offer to pick up the bill of a girl
you just met because you think she's pretty, isn't that shallow? Please this is really embarrassing ok? So far the girl
didn't ask you for help, please respect yourself and keep your money to yourself. It's not even as if you want to pay the
money genuinely, it's because of the lady's contact you want to get, so why not just be upfront about it instead of hiding
under the cloak of 'Mr Nice Guy'? Trust me guys, most ladies find this disgusting, so please drop it.

2. THE ONES WHO INVITES GIRLS TO THEIR CRIBS ON FIRST DATES

Really guys? Like this is really bad please. You don't just expect a girl to come to your crib on a first date. I mean
courtesy demands that a first date should always be in a public place, so why will you invite a girl to your crib giving
silly excuses like 'you're a very private person and you don't like hanging out' please this is really wrong and outright
rude ok? The kind of society we live in doesn't even encourage that. What if you're a ritualist or a rapist? The girl would
always get blamed for visiting a guy she knows nothing about in the first place. So if you know you have nothing up your
sleeves, never suggest your place as the venue of a first date.

Side note to the ladies please:never go to a guy's place for a first date. There's a new trick out now,in fact it's an old
trick where some guys lace the drinks of their female guests just to have their way with them. Please protect yourself.
If you're not comfortable with the venue of the date, tell him about it and suggest a place where you guys can talk. If
he's not cool with this and insist on you coming to his crib instead, drop him like he's hot, he's obviously a douche bag.

3. THE BORING GUYS

Ever wonder why some girls always reply your messages late or at times just ignore? Well it's because they find you
boring. You can't keep asking the same questions over and over again and even type in abbreviation and expect a girl
to take you serious. Some guys can't even maintain an intellectually stimulating conversation, it's that bad. So how
exactly do you expect the girl to find you thrilling? And for the love of God, please stop typing in abbreviations. You're
lettered ain't you? So start acting as such. I'm a serious sapiosexual, and I always find guys with these traits as shallow.
I see philosophical conversations as pre-intimacy. So guys, work on your vocabulary and improve your conversation skills.
Make love to the girl's mind with intelligent words.

4. THE BRAGGARTS

Ok, I get it. Your father is a billionaire and your mother is the younger sister of Otedola, trust me I understand! But don't
go around rubbing it on people's faces. The annoying one is when a guy approaches a lady and the next thing he utters
is 'baby I want to take care of you' . Did she ask for your help? Or does she look like she's suffering? Please you need
to change the mentality that ,the only way through a girl's heart is money and start working on your personality.
Personality works for me any time any day over looks or any other thing. Make her fall for your personality, not your
account balance. Don't impress her with your wealth, so what happens when you go broke and she leaves you ? It's
because you've painted a false image of yourself, and that was what she was interested in,in the first place.

5. THE GROPERS

I hope you know it's disgusting when you touch a girl who is not your partner suggestively while having a conversion
with her right?. Please keep your hands to yourself next time. It is totally rude when you keep doing that ok? I used to
make my hair at a male hairstylist's place , but this guy can never keep his hands to himself, there was a day I shouted
at him and brushed his hands off angrily )after warning him several times to stop touching me. That was the end of my
visits to his salon. So next time you're having a conversation with a girl, please keep your hands to yourself instead of
touching her suggestively and tapping current.

6. THE ONES WHO CALLS EVERY GIRL THEY'VE JUST MET DIFFERENT PET NAMES

Please, if you've just met a girl, don't go around calling her different pet names, i'm sure I don't have to spell it out.
Just address her by her name. Most girls find this irritating when a guy they've just met is constantly reeling out
different pet names to address them. Please stop it, it is very disgusting.

Ladies in the house, what do you think?

www.simplybami..com

Thanks OP.


www.simplybami..com

Is marriage really an achievement? This is a question that has been echoing for a while now in my mind. Marriage is an institution where two people come together and decide to spend the rest of their lives together, through thick and thin. It is an institution, which has been painted for so long as the next best thing that can ever happen to anyone;which everyone should endeavour to make a reality. It is meant for companionship, partnership, deriving joy, having a sense of fulfilment and of course, having unlimited access to sex. At least, that is what it has been painted as. But the sad news is, it is not always what it seems to be.

So many people enter into this sacred institution with little or no knowledge about it, going into it with false expectations which always gets shattered after realising that it was all a mirage. So boy meets girl,both fall in love and after the usual marital rites, decides to journey into forever together. Great news right? They've fulfilled that sacred rite that automatically qualifies them as responsible people who should be looked up to according to the society standard. But is that really what this great institution is all about? We even hear words like ' don't worry, when you get married everything will fall in place' where did this even come from? I stand to be corrected though; but is there a supernatural element tied to this institution called marriage that I do not know of? If you can't fix yourself now, why go into it with false expectations thinking everything will automatically work itself out?

There are so many people who do not know the sole purpose of this institution, but every Saturday, we are always bombarded with the colourful asoebis all over. It's not always their fault remotely, most of them have been pressured into seeing marriage as the greatest achievement ever. As a result of this, the rate of divorce has been on the high side, and we keep wondering what exactly went wrong;when the fundamental intricacies of marriage have been abused. And in the Nigerian society, it is always the 'ogun aye' factor meaning (metaphysical forces) that is responsible for this misfortune. How typical!

I have come up with some set of people who need to work on their personality before considering the word MARRIAGE:

1. The Emotionally Immature Adult(which can be otherwise known as little prince or princess syndrome)

These set of people do not have a mind of their own, they are always indecisive and can never be trusted to make major decisions. They are considered as adults by every standard, but still helplessly cling to their parents, seeking their validations in all facet of their lives. Now, it's not a bad thing to include one's parents in one's personal life, but when it gets to making major decision that you will ultimately be the one to live with the result of that decision, then it is important to have a stance in it. As for the ladies in this category, they thrive better when their parents most especially their mothers chooses a spouse for them isn't this laughable? For the boys in this category, they depend solemnly on their parents approval before proposing to the lady they've been dating for so many years. I don't understand this, if you're already having doubts about the woman you intend to spend the rest of your life, why seek your parents validation as if they would be the ones to live in that matrimony with you? So when they eventually refuse, and give series of reasons you can't get married to her, you will readily push the blame on them. In some cases,some will be pressurised to take the bold step and damn all the consequences. It is always 'my mummy says' or 'Daddy thinks'. What happens when little misunderstanding occurs? Marriage is not a bed of roses, there are bound to be challenges, for how long will the parents keep settling these differences? They will not be here forever, so why not start making decisions that feels right instead of desperately seeking validation.

2. The Superstitious/Myopic Minded Ones

These set of people believes there is a supernatural element tied to marriage that readily brings good fortune. A story broke out one time about a man who insisted on the dissolution of his marriage. After much prying, it was discovered that the reason behind the man's insistence was because of something flimsy like his wife having 'bad legs' a term in Nigeria which transliterates into being an embodiment of misfortune. It is a general belief in Yoruba land that there is a certain blessing attached to marriage which a woman often time possesses . So the man got married to her with this mindset, but alas! His hope was dashed. It was later discovered that the man had accrued a huge amount of debt prior to the wedding, in order to impress the guests invited. So, he spent the first few months of his married life off setting the debt, which his wife didn't help with by the way; which as a result affected his business. Of course, his wife had to be a witch, if not; she would have used the midas touch she possessed to turn his situation around. A situation that could have been well avoided . Whatever happened to having an intimate wedding? It still beats my imagination the way folks spend heavily on a wedding ceremony these days.

3. The Desperate Ones

These set of people are so headstrong about having a title attached to their names. The society has encouraged the view that for a man or a woman to be well respected,he/she has to be married. Hence,the societal pressure sets in. For some women, they turn pretence into their God's given talent, they cook, clean, and of course perform every sex style just to keep a man. At the end of the day when the man breaks off the relationship, they start saying things like 'all men are scum'. Really?you weren't forced to cook and clean for him, you only assumed you were one hundred percent wife material, not knowing that you were only exhibiting one hundred percent traits of a maid. As for the sex part, why do some women always feel used when the relationship goes awry? You both enjoyed the sex, he didn't force himself on you; you only assumed wrongly that it was going to lead into marriage, so what exactly is the fuss about? For those who are 'lucky enough' to get that 'huge 'rock:ring(all sarcasm intended) they see it as the greatest achievement in life and slowly start exhibiting their real character few months into the marriage . There are also some men who are desperate for this title, but the society is harder on the women, hence the emphasis on them.

4. Those Who Believes In The Archaic Ideologies Concerning Marriage

These set of people believes so much in the laid down culture and tradition, and would never be caught dead going against it. They believe a gender is automatically fit for a specific role, why not have the view of whoever is fit for the task should carry it out. I'm talking about men who assumes that women are born with a cooking and cleaning gene, is that the only thing a woman is created for? What stops a man from doing this? Why should he feel emasculated for partaking in the chores of the house he lives in with his wife? Where is the love? As for the women in this category, they can't part with their money, they believe a man has to pay all the bills without rendering any support. Their popular mantra is 'my money is my money, and my husband's money is our money' this mindset is really disturbing and totally wrong. If you earn more than your husband, you should automatically shoulder more responsibility with your man supporting with what he has .And if you earn lesser than him, you should also be willing to contribute in your own little way. But that doesn't mean a man should abuse this, some men hide under the disguise that since their women earn higher than them, they should be the ones doing everything without contributing a dime; it's bad. Both couple should be financially independent and supportive. Marriage is all about partnership. The responsibilities attached to it should be divided equally.

In conclusion, marriage is not an achievement, if you're not yet married and you think you're a failure because of this, then you need to change your mindset fast. It is better to be single, enjoying every seconds of it than rushing into a marriage where you will constantly be in sorrow. Though there are some Marriages that have stand the test of time and are still waxing stronger, there are also some who paint a perfect picture;but do you really know the pain behind their facade?Develop yourself, work on your personality and most importantly be financially independent. Marriage is not an automatic free reliever to your financial burdens. Marriage is overrated and a very risky venture;so your ultimate goal in life should be to be happy.


www.simplybami..com

Great points OP.


www.simplybami..com