Leetunechi:

Ugly thing

Huh! That lady is pretty.

Rape is that unwelcomed defect the society seemed cursed with, it is plainly dehumanising and outright wrong. It has been in existence for a very long time, so it is safe to say everybody knows about this heinous act.Rape can be defined as a type of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse or other forms of sexual penetration carried out against a person without that person's consent. Take note of the key word here which is consent.

Now what is consent or mutual consent? It simply means to express willingness or to give permission. That is, both parties involved have to 'mutually consent' to a sexual relationship. Having a sexual relationship with an under aged girl or boy even if they agree to it is not'consent'. It is simply statutory rape(the abuser here is referred to as a pedophile), forcefully having sex with your married partner against his or her wish is rape, having a sexual relationship with someone after being pressured verbally or bullied or welding of power to force consent is rape! Sex under duress is rape.

All over the world, it is a known fact that rape is mostly carried out by men, though some women carry carry out this terrible act, but the percentage is relatively low. Now the question is this, why is this vice so prevalent in the society? How can we all fix this? Rape is a very traumatising defect no one should ever experience irrespective of their gender.

I had a friend once who narrated how he was molested as a kid by their maid for so many years. Of course, his parents didn't know about it. He kept it to himself till the maid left their place. Now he is all grown up, and he never finds any young lady attractive. He instead prefers ladies who are eight to ten years older than him. Now, it's not as if it is bad to date someone older, but in this guy's case, his psyche is so messed that he never enjoys relationship with someone younger or of the same age with him. He finally seeks help with a psychologist after battling with the effect for so many years and now, he's getting better.
There are so many cases of rape that has not be brought to justice, the society has made it look like a big misfortune that must not see the dawn of the day. As a result of this, so many people have kept quiet about it. So how exactly has the society made this issue worsen?

BLAMING THE VICTIMS

Ever wonder why so many victims keep quiet about this instead of speaking up, it is because the society judge them even before hearing them out. There is absolutely no justification for rape please. Don't tell that girl child or lady that she got what she wanted because she was not well covered. Don't encourage this barbaric act. Don't tell the victim she is automatically guilty of visiting her male friend who in turn raped her. Don't tell the victim she seduced her rapist. We need to start encouraging these victims to speak out in order to get justice. There is this sense of healing all victims derive when the rapist is being made to face the law. Please, let us not deny these victims of this closure, it helps them heal faster knowing that they've gotten justice. It starts with you and I, condemning this act and helping these victims find justice.

It doesn't have to happen to you or any of your family member before you can speak up. If such thing happens in your environ, help the victim get justice. The victim might be threatened by the rapist, but if you have your facts right; it is essential to make the authorities know about it.

STIGMATISING THE VICTIMS

All victims deserve to be treated fairly, don't avoid them because of what they couldn't control. They didn't wish for the misfortune that befell them, so why make them feel worse? Honour killing is a certain tradition in the middle east, whereby the victim is being killed due to the belief that the victim has brought shame to the family's name. So if a lady gets raped in this part of world (middle east) a male member of family will carry out the gruesome act of ending her life to restore dignity to the family. What dignity exactly is this family trying to restore? Why stigmatise the victim instead of helping them?
Stigmatization is very real, as a result of this; most victims keep this sensitive matter to themselves in order not to get labelled. I'm talking about the snide remarks people make when a rape victim passes by. Why make them feel bad? Why give them a new name because of a misfortune they didn't wish for?

TRIVIALISING THE ISSUE

I get baffled and angry when I read comments online by our "supposedly Future Leaders" openly justifying this gruesome act. The way they trivialise the issue and wave it off, instead of speaking out against it is really disturbing. I read in horror, hateful comments directed at the victims whom they tell without mincing words that they actually enjoyed the whole excruciating experience. It breaks my heart to know that our level of humanity has been reduced; and any lady who comes out to share her #metoo experience is always readily slut shamed. Why is this so? When exactly did we get so insensitive? How did we get to this point of trivialising an important issue? I know for a fact that some ladies these days do frame guys up when their relationship go awry, just to get even with them. But it is not always so in all cases. Every rape case should be taken seriously and investigated thoroughly to ascertain the real fact. So, at the end; the culprit will face the judgement, and the victim will get the justice he/she deserves.

The traumatising experience an abused victim takes part of, should never be wished on another. The feeling of helplessness, brokenness and depression that sets in is totally indescribable. This actually distorts the psyche of some victims, and for those who are not strong enough; they always have to battle with suicidal thoughts. It can only take series of therapy sessions to let go of all the bitterness that has been bottled up. No human being should ever experience this demeaning act. But how exactly can we curb this issue? It starts with rendering listening ears to the victims without being judgemental. Helping them get justice irrespective of who the culprit is and finally, encouraging people to share their experiences.

Have you ever been molested? Who did you confide in? What steps did you take to make sure the culprit got arrested? Will you help a victim out, damning all consequences? Share your thoughts with me.


www.simplybami..com


Cc; Lalasticlala

@dlouis,please what do you need the bloggers for? Could you please be more specific.

shaybebaby:

Bath everyday?

Don't know how you do it, most boring thing ever for me. My OH says I'm like a cat, I run from water.

So you don't take your bathe twice daily? (in the morning and at night) How do you sleep at night then without taking a shower at night and changing your undies too? wow! Lol. You're really weird. Why do you run away from water by the way? It is normal and really cool to bathe twice daily, that refreshing and heavenly, sweet smell afterwards is everything. Lol.

forreelinc:
she no even fine sef

Are you kidding? She's so beautiful.

Ps: There's absolutely no justification for cheating. So, what she said up there makes no sense.

forreelinc:
she no even fine sef

Are you kidding? She's so beautiful.

ishiamu:
Lalasticlala see her pics

Awwwwwn. Omg,she's so cute.

donatusdesmond:
Dr Alhaja,what you just did is unethical(exposing the client's face).I wish the family of the child can sue you for this

It is totally wrong! The environment is also a disaster ewwwwww. Smh.

superior1:
I hope the boy's family can sue her for a huge amount

I'm so angry right now! Did she ask the boy's parents for their consent before uploading the boy's picture on social media? This is totally wrong! I really hope she gets served.

humanbeing4th:
I smell nice

Are you smart? Can you hold intelligent conversations for a long time? Do you have a great personality? These are questions you should ask yourself. But at the long run,you don't have to pressurise yourself into getting a girlfriend. You don't need anyone to complete you. If you're still in school,why not focus on your grades and try to develop your talent? Relationships are overrated and at the long run,you might get yourself heartbroken with the rate you're so concerned about dating. Just do your thing,when the right time comes,you will get a lady that will gravitate naturally to you yeah? Don't feel inferior because all your friends are in a relationship and you're the only single one. Don't force anything to happen,just be yourself.

humanbeing4th:
Pls Matured Nairalanders Is Dis Spiritual Or Just Me?? Abeg Help Me

am a guy of around 23 years, I have the look, I get d stature, I got d voice, I get the sweet talking, I use d confidence but still av never had a girlfriend in my life, girls do compliment me a lot but still av never successfully woo any girl in my life, they av all turn me down , pls dis is a serious issue, wat can I do

Do you always smell nice?ladies find this very attractive trust me.

OneCorner:
Igbo kwenu... We're just too good in tradition

Did you even read the article? Smh.

Shayneward1:
What does an afonja woman bring to the table??

Body odour?

Pepperish soup?

Infidelity?



I'll pass.

Body odour? ewwwww! I guess you're a very dirty guy yourself to mingle with such girls. Asides that, where exactly did you get all these silly traits from? how many Yoruba girls have you dated? Why the generalisation? You're an adult, but it is a big shame that you still reason like a child.

I came across the issue of 'Osu' in a novel I read several years ago by Chinua Achebe; titled No Longer At Ease. If my memory serves me well, the protagonist of the novel Obi(who happens to be the grand son of Okonkwo Adi, the same one dispicted in Things Fall Apart as a 'hard man') was warned by his kinsmen to break off his relationship with his girlfriend(Clara Okeke)because of a certain stigmatisation placed on people like his love interest ,which is being referred to as The Osu Caste System; because it is an abomination for a free born to intermarry someone considered inferior. I was surprised by such absurd reason, and my young mind then couldn't comprehend how such archaic culture could/should serve as a stumbling stone to a beautiful relationship that could eventually lead to a prospective marriage. It didn't make any sense to me and in my curious and angry state, I took it upon myself to make some research.

According to wikipaedia; The Osu caste system is an ancient practice in Igbo land that discourages social interaction and marriage with a group of persons called Osu (Igbo:outcast). Osus are dedicated to the deities (Alusi) of Igbo land; they are considered as inferior beings, living sacrifice, an outcast, untouchable and sub-human and are usually separated from Nwadiala or Diala (Igbo:real/freeborn). The origin of the Osu caste system can be traced back to the era when deities were believed to ask for human sacrifice during festivals in order to clean the land from abomination thus leading to the purchase of a slave by the people. The Osus are not allowed to have any relationship with the real born, they are only permitted to marry each other. They are also seen as unclean and are not allowed to break kola or make prayers on behalf of the real born because it is believed that they will bring calamity upon the society. They are actually dedicated to the gods and are very much expected to take their predicament in good faith.

History has it that the Whites came to Africa several centuries ago and captured black people, taking them across the globe and selling them to the highest bidder in order to work on their plantations and other business outlets they had;breaking off any form of resistance that was put up against such act by our fore fathers. Of course, so many lives were lost during this period, and those who survived were sold off as mere commodities. Several years later different articles are still written till date,criticising such barbaric act. The impact of the slave trade in Africa as a whole cannot be overemphasised. But, isn't the same thing we were not comfortable with as at then that is repeating itself now? But in this case, no one is being sold off. The whites considered we blacks as inferior beings then (racism is still very much prevalent till date) and in the Igbo society, the Dialas(real borns) are still very much considered as superior beings to the Osus even in this present dispensation.

But what exactly does real born means?is there anything like fake born? A slave was birthed same way a president was birthed, so what makes one birth valid and better than the other? In the African society, anything termed as ridiculous, is always backed up by the culture card. Culture is that one thing we Africans respect so much just for the selfish purpose of it (the issue of bride price) or for establishing a certain social status (just like the issue of Osu Caste System).Isn't it laughable that with our level of education, exposure and spirituality(how religious we are), the issue of Osu Caste System is still in place? Why are the respected authorities quiet about this? Why are the religious figures we have in this country not educating people about this menace, that it is totally wrong to ostracise a certain number of people because of an archaic culture that was put in place by our ancestors ? The pen is mightier than the sword, but why are our respected writers not creating enough awareness about this? Or isn't it disturbing enough that in this Aquarius age, such barbaric act is still very potent and active?

The consequences of flouting the strict order that has been put in place is really worrisome. If a real born should intermarry an Osu, foremost; the person and every member of his/her family would be ostracised by his/her community. The person will automatically become an Osu and will be termed as unclean by his/her community. It is believed that there are also some spiritual implications attached to it, like untimely death, great misfortunes, fatal accidents etc. Which will always be manifested even if the person in question relocates to another country.The person might even be disowned by his/her family members, because of the shame the whole brouhaha would bring. With all these consequences listed above, is it really worth it to go ahead to intermarry an Osu? In my own honest opinion, it is definitely a big yes; because love is such a beautiful thing which should never be thwarted by an archaic culture which to me has no place or significance in this present dispensation.

So our leaders have failed us in this aspect, so also for our religious figures and other respected authorities. But it is actually the youths that are at the receiving end of this barbaric practice. Someone I know or someone you know has had to break off a relationship because of this unjust act. I don't think there is anything more painful than losing the love of your life because of a tradition which has no relevance in any aspect . Also, the psychological trauma that comes with having to deal with being treated as an outcast and not being able to hold any position of power is really disturbing. To me, it is simply a redefined modern day slavery. Although, in the year 1948, the United Nations General Assembly adopted the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and banned slavery but it is very disheartening to know that some places in Igbo land are still discriminating against those considered as inferior beings.

This should serve as a wake up call to all the youths, to unite as one; irrespective of their tribes and kick against this barbaric and archaic practice. The power lies in the hands of the youths, because they are much more affected than their older counterparts. No human being is superior to another, we all are created equally in the image of God. As a result of this, this stifling restriction and bondage should be totally abolished. I believe in the power of the youths. Also, each and everyone of us has a job to do, by educating people about the danger of the Osu Caste System.

www.simplybami..com

jobbitto:
Good morning good doctors in the house.

I have been a member of nairaland for a while seeing people post problems and get solution instantly in this forum.

So my friend is facing a challenge of stomach upset and swollen stomach. She is scared that she has fibroil and she is a virgin.

My question is, can a virgin contract fibroid disease. If yes, please whats the solution?


Thank you.

Tell her to go see a gynaecologist. It could be ovarian cyst(you could tell her to read it up). It has absolutely nothing to do with her virginity status.

jobbitto:
Good morning good doctors in the house.

I have been a member of nairaland for a while seeing people post problems and get solution instantly in this forum.

So my friend is facing a challenge of stomach upset and swollen stomach. She is scared that she has fibroil and she is a virgin.

My question is, can a virgin contract fibroid disease. If yes, please whats the solution?


Thank you.

Tell her to go see a gynaecologist. It could be ovarian cyst(you could tell her to read it up). It has absolutely nothing to do with her virginity status.

Dimples129:
To type just itch your fingers... Isokay

Lol. Don't mind the guy, he's just displaying his level of ignorance. Smh.

GloriaNinja:
CAUSE I'M DESTINED TO BE WITH A WHITE GUY

Lol. That's the spirit.

Alamala1:
thumbs up bro this was my only escape from betiing I can stake my life on any game back them in school no matter how much I wanna win one game must cut it even worsened to the point that any money sent to me from home as soon as I withdraw from the atm I going to bet9ja shop straight I know all the codes by hand I'd play fast league and lose the money that I'd supposed to use for my upkeep in a month in a day not until I sat down and think about how I'm living my life I got fed up but didn't give up had to save money and bought a tecno Y6 back then I hustled borrowed money to sub but before I knew it I cashed out big time bought my first laptop and iPhone with my first pay Guy you can leave the addiction be focused you will

Hmmmmm. What business is this? I hope it's legit?well,I guess it's Yahoo right? Please OP don't listen to him ok?

biacan:
Now you're starting to rep the sisterhood which is what every wise girl will do..... times are really hard now chikita as a young girl you need to keep up to your class by putting all what I've thought you into action towards your boyfriend if you actually wants to survive and earn from this relationship....... I hope it helps

Lol. Nawa ooooo. Don't you think it's draining and time consuming?

This man is really clueless. As in six universities? Why didn't he just provide funds for the existing ones to make them better? This man is really a joke!

Be strong OP. Remember,he makes everything beautiful in his own time. Just be of good cheer,you will be fine.

I want you to know that suicide is never the way out. Trust me,I understand how you feel;and I completely empathise with you. Just stay strong ok?see this as a test of faith.

Stop comparing your life with anyone's life at all. Just leave it all to God. Make the Holy Spirit your best friend. The Holy Spirit will never fail to comfort you.

I speak peace into your life. You shall come out of it all stronger.

ChildOfDoom:
about the name, i chose it consciously. It represent the fact that i've caused so much pain to myself and family just at a tender age.


It might be a curse because my atrositiies seem hard to stop. You can't imagine the things i've done. I've even been arrested before. #prayForMe

Awwwwn. I feel so sorry for you. You should download this song: Jesus take the wheel by Carrie Underwood and listen to it. Trust me,it will definitely help and uplift you. It is well ok? You will be fine.

ChildOfDoom:
wow... Nice thread. I clicked the link and read your post. You really had a first hand experience of what we go through when you worked as an agent.


The whites just killed us with our weak point (love for football and the search for a better life). Students, adults and married men have seen their future bleeped up by bet9ja. I wish i had the will (full) power to change. Any money in my hand no longer has value. I squander them and beg for food. Now it's a habit, not like i play heavy to win heavy. I could stake 5k (safe game) to get 10k and still lose.


Friends and family have given up on changing me. I think always keeping to myself (narcissistic) contributes to this anomaly. If i can get out of this mess, i think a girlfriend who will help me manage my finances will help in changing my bad habit. Unfortunately, i'm the shy type

You don't need a girlfriend to manage your life bro. your existence does not revolve around anyone. You have to take charge of your life. Think about the number of people you've failed and disappointed,i'm sure you're not happy with the situation yeah?

So the first step is;acknowledging your short comings. Don't feel shy about them;just acknowledge everything. Remember you're on a mission of letting go of everything.

The second step is making a promise NEVER to go back to betting. Trust me,you will definitely break the promise,but don't worry. It is never easy to break free from an addiction. You just have to make sure that each time you break the promise,always try as much as possible to feel the shame and pain that engulfs you,savour every bit of it so when next you try to renege,it will serve as a reminder. Do you have an online account? You really have to delete it ASAP! Also,stay away from any betting centre.

Are your friends also gamblers?then,you need to stay away from them and make new friends who do not exhibit this trait. It is ok to tell them about your addiction,that is acceptance. It will actually encourage you to let go of it fast.

Lastly,be contended with the little you have. Just make sure you're hard working and diligent. Let go;let God. You can never go wrong with this. I wish you all the very best mister.

Ps:Don't blame the whites for your misdeed. Take responsibility for your actions.

Shugavee:
Wow nice write up

Thank you.