₦airaland Forum

firstking01:
and i hope ur country is not africa

Women make the first move in healthy environments.

The difference is that the woman's move is very subtle, and often ambiguous (they don't want rejection )

In a healthy environment, men are good at reading those subtle signs, and when women have NOT given those signs, they respect the fact.

Men usually make the explicit move after women have made the subtle move.

However, in a dysfunctional environment it is a mess. Women play around, give fake signals or are on the defensive. Men show no respect of any of those signals, and invade her space regardless.

ganiberry:
Please what do i do and where did i go wrong. I need your candid advise and not abuse please. It is a very serious/precarious situation. I love this lady so much. i dont know what to do.

Thank you.

This is who she is. You can see who she is. If you love who she is, why are you complaining? Keep doing what you are doing, let her be, and love who she is.

BUT

You don't love her.

You want her to be yours.

Those are two different things.

So, first of all, stop the denial, and the pretence that you are the victim. Admit what you feel: that she has not fulfilled her part of an unspoken CONTRACT.

Ask yourself what that contract is. Ask yourself why she is fighting this unspoken contract. Ask yourself how love can involve a contract that she doesn't want.

Which country be dat?

oh no... another kid playing with two phones.

^

See!

sinequanon:
You've never heard a girl boast to her friends that she just got chirpsed like that?

daretodiffer:
Catcalling is everywhere

Sadly, in order to deter the riffraff, some of our women learn to walk the streets with screw face.

theunnamed:
oga some guys are idioots,no matter how decent a girl dresses some foools will still call her like that

You've never heard a girl boast to her friends that she just got chirpsed like that?

cruzita:
Nigerians sabi call women like dogs.very embarrassing

Not just Nigerians. Black men (not all) seem to do it everywhere, including London.

I guess it must work, otherwise they wouldn't keep doing it.

So, despite what some of you girls say, that is what you respond to.

(And some of my friends from countries like Morocco tell me that it is a lot worse there.)

Once, a dude posted his experiences on a forum (not this one).

He opened a thread for it, but it was only in his third or fourth post that we got the details.

Essentially, he had first met this woman who had been "up for anything". She was basically into all kind of crazy sex, and he kept hooking up with her, until one day...

...he turns up, and the girl has brought along her friend. Long story short, she had been telling her friend about him, and was interested in a party.

Wind forward, friend's friends turn up, and he finds himself in front of 6 girls, who ask him to strip. So, he ends up have sixsome! hmm?

Well, nobody understood the dudes first post of his thread. I can't remember the exact words, but it was one long incoherent rant against women.

Finally, one or two doctors who had entered the thread recognized him as borderline depressive.

All the nonsense he was engaging in was messing up his mind.

(PS this prudish site has converted the "3" word (jeez) into "party" ).

DanielTheGeek:
There are three possible solutions that my brain can produce;

Solution 1: Use a single connection with 5 to 25 statements.
Solution 2: Use a connection pool with a maximum of 5 connections, each with 5 statements.
Solution 3: Use a connection pool with a maximum of 20 connections, each with a single statement.

The most important information in this example is the ample CPU and memory on both the middle tier and database server and the ample number of licenses to the database server. The other information is really irrelevant to the design of the database connections.

Since we need high performance, Solution 3 is the best solution because it supports the processing of one statement per connection (all the statements can access the database at the same time)

Solution 1 and 2 won't solve our problem (Performance) because it supports a single connection for multiple statements, think of 400,000 people passing through a little door... these methods will slower results for users (Bad UX)

There are other important things to look into, like Transaction Management..e.t.c.

Solution 2 is good where your processes perform a set of dependent queries, i.e data returned from the first feeds into the key data of the second etc.

In this case, having freer access to the second statement does not improve performance, so you may as well bundle it under the same connection with the first.

For simpler processes requiring single queries, you could have a separate pool for Solution 3.

So a combination of Solution 2 and Solution 3 can be useful.

Audray:
dude love urself as u are ! Seriously, bringing body image issues to nairaland is complete BS. Almost everyone here has called u gay, [size=16pt]adviced u to smoke weed[/size], stop being neat and basically stop being ur true self. Abeg d only thing to do to ur wonderfully made self is to keep fit, work out (not for muscles or abs but for constant agility) and maybe master basic self defense skills incase of incasity. Chikina.

Can someone explain what weed has got to do with not appearing effeminate.

Philtim:
Hello guys...i av a female friend dat i love like my own blood. she got pregnant two years ago nd gave birth to a baby girl last year,d baby is close to being a yr old.but [size=16pt]i got d shock of my life[/size] wen she told me dt she doesnt knw d father of her baby....according to wot she first told me,d baby belonged to a guy dt actually slept wif her but she did it to save herself atleast for d baby to be knwn as having a father...but wen she told me ystrdy dt she doesnt knw d father cos she was pregnant already before d supposed father made love to her...nd during pregnancy scan results didnt show ow long she has been pregnant before making love to d supposed father...[size=16pt]nw am feeling so worried for her[/size] nd especially d baby..if u av experienced such before please wot advise wuld u give?

Do you mean advice to help you control your anxiety?

I know your female friend is busy right now, but perhaps she can help you to calm down.

The OP reminds me of my SHORTEST ever relationship.

I normally avoid these types of women, but one slipped through the net.

She did something 5-ish -- not another man, but she disappeared for a couple of days.

When she resurfaced, I said nothing.

The next day it's, "did you miss me?"

I said, "no".

Then I let the whole thing just fizzle out. That was the end of my two week relationship with trouble woman.

omron:
At last I went to her place of work today to see her unfortunately they have closed the filling station I was surprised cos it was 7pm and they usually closed by 8pm.i was so disappointed I used my friend number to call her and she picked and told me they closed early. I told her if we can see and she said no that she is not chanced and the phone hang off.
Immediately I called her back with my number and one of her junior sister picked the phone telling me her sister I just spoke with is sleeping.... I was so disappointed I sent her a text why she could treat me that way but till now she never reply me... Pls romancelanders what should I do again? am tired

You are beginning to sound like a stalker.

andromida:
This is a lovely coulda shoulda story.
You go to the park with her to enjoy "presence" .

Lol. You funny.

hmmm... it's difficult to describe. Some people, you can feel their "aura". We just enjoyed each others "aura", like two horses grazing together.

andromida:
Unnecessary torture while waiting for her to surrender to her melty instinct which kain thing be dis?

Not "unnecessary".

"Inevitable".

A man cannot control a woman's instinct. Women who learn to act strange gradually lose touch with their instinct.

12month:
How can you let a lady you just met start pushing you around, the game doesn't work like that.

She should respect you for who u are.

Man don mature enuf make one lady no come dey form.

Don't blame her.

He is pushing himself around.

andromida:
Hehehehehehehe

How does she stay friends with you if she ever liked you that bad. What torture!

Yep, we both endured "torture".

We had that special thing, you know, that horses have. If she just wanted to read a book, she would call me, and we'd go to a park. Even though it didn't involve speaking, we'd still enjoy each other's company or "presence".

She was a really good friend, and I met her parents, too. Lovely parents! And they both liked me!

andromida:
A "melty" gal must feel really good. Lol. I can just imagine

I asked why didn't you go get her? Guess you don't have the answer or you don't want to.

Well I can't argue against going for the "melty" girl sounds like something

I guess you'll both wonder what could have been and then life goes on.

At the end of the day what will be will be.

Yep. Good memories, though -- probably better in the end than what would have been with an "actress".

She knew she was acting up, but it had become such a habit that she didn't know how to stop and do nothing (and just let the melty instinct come through ).

omron:
Well I would be going to see this pretty lady soon after watching chelsea manutd. Match I will tell you whatever happens there.... Pls pray for me she accept me and gives me attention I like her so much... Tanx all for your comments

hahaha! clueless!! no amount of prayer can help.

Don't turn up after Chelsea vs Man U!!! That is another red flag, like beer breath!

Now, if she realized that you'd come to see her INSTEAD OF Chelsea vs Man U, that she would find romantic!

It may not be the sort of thing to do all the time, but this is the sort of time to do it.

andromida:
Hehehehehehehe

Now you are playing with words.

Lol so why didn't you go get her?

Maybe just no strange behaviors from your side next time.

We stayed friends, but I went got anther girl.

The circle of friends I grew up with greet each other with a formal hug. If a girl likes you, it is easy to tell, because she tends to "melt" a bit, when she hugs.

I think you have to be a bloke to appreciate how good this feels!

Why would a bloke go get a girl who acts like she doesn't want it, when he can go get a "melty" girl?

andromida:


Again why should anyone have to read you when you could have just said what you had in mind.
Ofcourse she wanted to make sure no one should work on assumptions.

So while she was acting strange you were acting weird waiting for her to read your mind .

Ah, but I only appeared strange to her.

She acted strange.

All she had to do was nothing.

But she chose to act a bit distant to try to make me come and get her.

So I didn't.

andromida:
Did you tell her about this thing you had for her? Or you were just watching the "strange" acts

Nah. I am really easy to read. She must have known. But...

...she wanted to make sure..

So, she started acting strange.

andromida:


Hehehehehehe

I guess you have experience with this.

Of course. Most women act weird. It doesn't faze me.

I was once just friends with a girl for over two years, even though we had a thing for each other. We stayed just friends, while she acted "strange".

andromida:
Lol. Not always a wise decision depending on the answer you are looking for.

Only if you have made the grave error of marrying one.

If you are not married, RUN, RUN.... RUN for the hills.

Diddyydiva:
Hysterical laughter or showing all dentition is not ladylike

You think hysterical laughter is manlike?

Anyway, so far, I can't think of a better explanation than the one you have given.

I had thought that women who had crooked teeth or teeth stained by smoking were the main culprits. But covering the mouth also goes with checking the laughter or toning it down. So it is probably a "ladylike" thing! Ha ha, so cute.

I remember one lady who used to laugh like a hippopotamus. It even took a couple of seconds for the wild laughter to appear from the cavenous jaws.

I tell, you, it was an immediate turn-off.

MrCork:
..Ladies. ...why do you all ways cover yor teeth with yor hand very time you laugh... we been notiscin this. ....this is confusin to us....WHY??

This is a really interesting question.

I thought this was mainly an oyinbo thing.

Not only do they cover their mouth, they quieten their laugh.

omron:
andromida how would I ask her..... Did u go through my post well at all? How will I ask someone who doesn't pick my calls any longer such question why she go weird

Are you a player?

If she is a particular type, you're in.

If she is not that type, you are wasting your time. Move on.

andromida:
So a girl you are getting along with suddenly starts acting weird and you don't know to ask her why she is acting weird?

Always IGNORE women who act weird.

If you respond, that will become her primary mode of communication. You will end up with a kid instead of a mature woman.

omron:
sinequanon I told her I drink moderately even told her where the scripture says too much of alcohol is what the Bible condemn... I don't know if it's because of these she has been avoiding me

So, why did you say you would stop? Why claim to understand scripture, and then base your actions on infatuation with her appearance?

You asked for her number. She gave it to you. The appearance thing is done and dusted. You both passed.

Now, you are not demonstrating solid character. She is not looking for a pushover. Pushovers full dey ground for fine babe.

omron:
Later as we were chatting she perceived beer odour coming from my mouth and said she does not like anyone that drink beer and I promised her I won't take beer again cos of her and she said no problem...

Don't be such a drip. Stand your ground. You are not respecting yourself by abstaining from beer because of her. And she won't respect you for saying that, either. If you are going to abstain, do it for a proper reason, not infatuation.

There are many reasons, from religion to bad experience with drunk or violent men, why she may be wary of drinkers. If you drink in moderation, and her objection is not religious, instead of what you said, it would have been better to let her know that you don't like drunkenness either, and that you drink moderately, just as she may drink a little wine from time to time.

(And you don't love this woman. You don't know her, so you can't love her. You are only physically attracted to her.)

teechudleyy:
Okay... Now that there's a separation... You are telling me this isn't about love but about relationships... I want to know why teenagers get into relationships. And since u talk about biological clock... I guess ur talking about marriage therefore... Teenagers get into relationships to get enough training that will make them well prepared for marriage... Nice. So do you believe in using past experiences to deal with people we meet? Or in meeting people and getting to know them and then learning to deal with them in their own way regardless of past experiences...
I'm asking this because I don't know how many teenage relationships end in marriage... Because the risks of that biological clock you mentioned is only mitigated by marriage right?

By time a couple want to have children and a family of their own, it is best that they have enough experience in relationship, and they are not relying on guesswork. That is the biological clock ticking.

Yes, I believe in learning from past experience, part of which is that people are different, including the fact that men and women are different. I am a man. A woman is unlikely to want to have to school me on how to touch a woman, or what a woman finds romantic. I am a man. If a woman kisses me on the neck, I will find it a bit irritating. For most women, the neck is an erogenous zone. I am not born with that information. I learn by experience, not just the fact, but the practice (and, when I find out how she reacts, I keep doing it.. ). Some women may NOT enjoy their neck being kissed. It is easier to refrain from doing something, than to learn to do something that you do not know effectively. I am a man. You touch me on the hairline, it is useless. For most women, the hairline is an erogenous zone... etc. etc. A woman doesn't want to have to tell you, touch me here... a bit lighter...down a bit...blah blah blah.

And that is just the physical aspect. There are general emotional and psychological differences between men and women. They may not apply to all women 100 per cent of the time, but, as men, our experience counts... romantic ideas...how a present is interpreted...and a host of other things.

Most difficult of all may be how to live together, but, even there, experience makes you more aware and proactive.

teechudleyy:
I am completely in support of what u said about turning it into a recreation. That's where I have a problem.

Ironically, it is so much more rewarding when it is not a recreation.

teechudleyy:
Older men dating teenagers because they want the experience? Really? How can you live through someone else? Can an older lady date a teenage boy because she wasn't opportuned to do such?

Well, we are talking about a psychosociological condition, rather than simple logic. I guess older ladies may be the same, except that biology may predispose them more to partners who are more mature than teenagers, even when they are themselves teenagers.

teechudleyy:
After all that's said though. I still say... Young people should date for all the right reasons. In my opinion... Love is the only reason to honestly keep a relationship.

Myself, I do not see love as the motive or reason for relationship. Love transcends relationship, but can (and should, imo) walk alongside it.

My definition of love is basically, "a feeling of good will outward or towards someone or something."

Above and beyond that is shades of adulteration of love.

teechudleyy:
love has no timing. Its not a race. If its love we are talking about...

We are talking about relationships, and, if nothing else, there is a biological clock.

teechudleyy:
You are right. Our grandparents were super hush hush. And pretended asif they didn't memorize all d songs of Solomon.
You are also right divorce then was unheard of therefore... Many people lived unequally yoked in misery.
But as per relationship maturity? In my own opinion... You don't learn maturity in relationships by dating many people. A lady who's dated 50men is considered a slut and not a well learned mate. We are all different from one another. Therefore... Each relationship presents a new learning process. And whatever you have learnt from one rel cannot be used to handle the next. It could even result to problems.
All this said, I believe maturity is not the number of birthdays you have celebrated but the number of problems been able to overcome.
Once again... There is no such this as relationship maturity. In terms of dealing with the opposite sex, What we have is human relations... And that can easily be learnt as we grow in life.
Once again... I'm in full support of young love... If there's no moral depravity involved.

I think that experience is gained by dating an appropriate number of people. We do not automatically know with whom we may be compatible. We date. We find out about our partners and, more importantly, ourselves. And we mature if we learn from our mistakes and do not repeat them.

Some people (usually men) who are relatively mature in years even date teenagers because they didn't go through the process at the appropriate age.

I actually disagree that we can reduce sexual/romantic relationships simply to human relationships. Forgive the pun, but learning about the opposite sex requires hands-on experience. It is when people lose the purpose behind it, and turn it into a recreation, that the problems abound.

firstking01:
Well op, since them say u no make sense, i pose comot with my two shoulders high8)

Is this a permanent condition, like crayfish?

They only said it was a "no-brainer", but none of them can explain why!

I can, and I have!