₦airaland Forum

daddytime:
Typing a very personal story to give an idea on why I admonished the op the way I did with my first submission until he went on a tantrum-throwing spree.

...

Growing up in the standard Lagos face me I slap you setting in Mafoluku Oshodi when the Military boys held sway in Nigeria, most of the matures here or history savvy's would understand how hopeless and depressing the economy and general standard of living was at this time.

Now, daddy and mummy had chosen to manufacture 11 of us as kids, and I'd be saddled with the onerous task of being the Nigerian "first son" with loads of expectation from me on finding a way to alleviate the family's situation and by extension better the lots of kids I had been brought into the world with at my parents behest and not because I had chosen to come to them.

You can at best imagine daddy, mum, we the kids and a cousin living with us then having to jostle for a space in two-room living space from a sixteen-room face me I face you living set up.

Not able to wrap my mind around the kind of life I had been born into and in the quest to better mine and my family's lot, I decided I was going to quit school, find a way to travel abroad, and go hustle for my family.

Before then, a bachelor neighbor Oli, had chosen our house as the only trusted one where he could drop his keys because he lived with his boys/friends who were all traders at Idumota.

There was one of his roomies who was in his 40's then (Ikenna), he was always ever the last to leave home and would, as usual, drop their key at mine.

My immediate younger sister (Mary) had just finished high school, naive and still a virgin, she'd naturally be at home most times.

In the midst of all these, I had found out I could risk my life through the desert in search of a better life abroad, after all how I want to take get a visa, and if I die, I die but I had decided I'd rather die trying instead of sitting, watching my family ravaged by poverty and still die. All die na die I had told my young self.

Got myself prepped, lied to my dad and made him raise me some little cash, and into the desert, I proceeded.

For two whole years, I had languished on the road and was only able to communicate with my family only after about 6 months of living home. For sure they'd thought I had gone back to my maker.

After the two unforgettable years of languish, I had succeeded into Spain eventually, called up daddy to break the news to him, he didn't quite believe me. Note that this was before the era of mobile phones in Nigeria. Sensing that daddy was having a hard time believing I was in Spain finally, I had dropped the line, did a western union money transfer from the locotorium I was calling from, called him back and furnished him with the transfer details.

Then and only then was I able to convince daddy otherwise.

And then, keeping to my nomadic and adventurous lifestyle, I had proceeded on to move on to the Netherlands to go tell the authorities there how I and my friendly 'horse' on whose back I had ridden to Europe were the only ones surviving from my little village in Delta, hence my request to seek asylum in their country.

Luckily for me, I had succeeded in convincing them to allow me to stay in the Netherlands and would be given a weekly stipend as pocket money back then in camp. From this money I'd call home on weekends, talk to my family and always assured my other siblings that I'd make sure they had the best education having slaughtered mine on the altar of "I wan bail family out".

During one of such weekend calls, after the usual pleasantries exchanged, daddy had told me in a stutter....

" Mary, your younger sister fell pregnant and now has a daughter"...

Ah ah... I had muttered in obvious instant deflation plus disappointment, but I had refused to get angry, judge my sister or castigate her.

I asked daddy, how, when and by whom...


Still stuttering, he had told me it was like a month after I had left Nigeria, she initially wasn't forthcoming with who was responsible, how it had brought shame to the family which I could imagine knowing how our neighbors were, and how even some people had been insinuating that daddy who was a deeper life pastor might be responsible because no one could make a sense of how Mary who was a home girl could fall pregnant. The whole matter weak me like dodo, but I listened with rapt attention anyways.

And then, daddy said she later confessed that Ikenna, who we called Brother Ikenna was responsible. He had denied responsibility but when my battalion siblings faced him, he had accepted responsibility with zero plans to marry her just like this op.

I told dad how disappointed I was, and how angry I am that they had kept it away from me for that long, told them not to worry that I'd take care of my sister and the kid and hung up.

Fast forward to 2008 when I visited Nigeria, the baby Vic had grown, obviously abandoned with my family. She'd grown up to see my mum as hers and Mary as aunty Mary until recently.

Levels had changed, I had improved my family's situation, built them a house in Lagos, Ikenna gone with the wind, and would soon resurface looking for daddy's number and whoever could point him on how to locate my family.

By this time he should be in his 50s, no life, wife or any other kid. Come and see abeg.


My phone would go bellowing one day, upon picking up, the voice at the other end had been subtle and subdued with a "good afternoon sir, na me Ikenna"...

Ah ah..bwoda Ikenna, na me you dey call sir?

He went on, abeg no vex for wetin happen I know say I Bleep up...wetin i wan tell bwoda Ikenna after how many years... I simply dropped the call.. I no fit shout.

The long and short of it all is that, today over 20 years later...

Brother Ikenna's life is nothing to write home about.

Mary, my younger sister is today happily married and would soon be one of the youngest grandmas because Vicky, the kid in question had grown into a very beautiful young promising graduate.

citadels:
Please please don't marry out of pity biko. Onitsha women hmmmm. U are seeing the red signs meaning danger and u want to put ur head. Please I advise u to just take care of those children and marry someone u love. Marriage is not do or die affair mbok. Don't say I didn't tell you. I have a friend from onitsha a guy precisely who sweared that he will NEVER marry from onitsha his town why; because all his uncles and cousin brothers that married onitsha women are not with wives anymore. The women ran back home. As for that girl she tells her mama about u guys sex life. Their mothers controls them. They are messed up people. Their women hardly stays in a man's house so op think B4 u regret ur life

excessmon:
Bro ur story reeked of self pity. U want us to pity you by telling us ur pitiful part of the story
I want to ask you
1.what is the age gap between you both?
2. Which properly groomed man with self respect turns a 19 year old on?
3. Do you think about the psychological implications of your actions on her in future?
4. What happened to u training her to the level u want her to be?

I will be 28 Th this year. She will be 22. The age gap is not much. I am done replying some you. You can go ahead and twist the story however you like. I brought this story up so I can find the best way to fix this never knowing I was opening doors for fools and nonentities.

Instead of suggestions, some of you who can't talk to me in person are here ranting and calling me names like I raped her or killed somebody. Let he without sin cast the first stone.

I appreciate those reasonable ones who made meaniful contribution. Some of you who felt this is a thread to unleash your frustration should carry on.

My conclusions are
1. You are mean , selfish and self centered
2. You have low self esteem and irresponsible to the real issues and hide under the irrelevant ones
3. So for her future to be secured she opted for abortion but u wanted the more humiliating pattern for her
4. When she born your twins now na ur kinsmen wan marry her?
5. Lastly think before you act (morals of the lesson

dyze:
Bros, the genesis of your problem is that you are a very stubborn idiot.

Been following your response to people. You only want to hear people massage your ego. The advise that isn't sweet to your ears is taken as an insult.

Oga pack ur useless abroad, big boy, doing okay life style out of here. Your response to people is irritating me.

AstroOG:
Guy if na me,I go turn am to my babymama,
If I ascertain that the Twins are mine


No time to waste on these useless,frivolous and whores called Naija Girls

AstroOG:
All these things Just for a Cheap SLUT ??

ucham:
Calm down nwanne.
Don't return fire for fire, this is a public forum. Don't let your emotions get the better of you. If you stand to stone every dog that barks at you, you won't go very far.

Now to the point, first of all, the deed has been done. It's to late for "I should have", and "if only's". Here are my suggestions for the way forward.

It is clear that if she is really carrying your kids and gives birth to those kids, her life will never be the same as a single mother especially in Nigeria. It's hard enough for single ladies to get married these days not to talk of a lady who has not one but two children.

In as as much as I commend your taking responsibility for your bouts of copulation with her, it must also be said that she herself cannot be free of the blame. She was a willing participant.

I commend you for not advising her to abort, because if she had, and things went south, the same feminists here screaming it's her body and her choice would have come for your neck to impress it on you that you are responsible for whatever bad may have resulted.

What i feel is that, you should be willing to be more selfless. I know you have your spec and all, life is not always as we plan. From all your submission, it's clear that her major flaw is naivety, indecisiveness, and that she feeds on a diet of gossip. These are not admirable traits, but they are not grossly 'unmanageable' traits. Like many have suggested you can touche her up. Thank heavens you yourself admitted you love some things about her. Most importantly, there is no guarantee you are gonna find that right woman, and even if you do, no guarantees she's not gonna be a devil.

Most importantly think of the children within the context of Nigeria. Think of the prejudice attached towards being born out of wedlock. From what i can gather so far about you, I don't think you will want your kids to be raised that way. The stigma for children born out of wedlock in Nigeria is just too much a factor to ignore. Think of the future of the children growing up without both parents.

Both of you have sown your seed, the honorable thing to do will be to reap it. While you both try to enjoy your life together as best as you can without making your kids pay for your mistake.

This sword is sharp on both ends, if you decide not to marry her and still provide for her, here's what will happen:
She'll most likely never get married,
Your children will be stigmatized,
And the possibility of having future fracas between
Legitimate kids and the others who are not.

If you do decide to marry her,
She may never change from being an 'mgbeke'.
She may become the person you've always wished for.
You may or may not always enjoy the marriage, but at least your children would be raised under the confines of your home.

It's really a case of the devil and the deep blue sea. It's a tough decision. You just have to choose what you can live with.

But with the facts you've presented so far, I'll suggest you marry her. At least you don't hate her. You may eventually come to love her, or not. Remember that no marriage is perfect o, even with the perfect spec own. And nothing is ever guaranteed. If you marry her, both of you pay for your mistakes not the kids.

All the best

addicted268:
@op,I have two things to say to you(I suspect you are Igbo)
1. Onye di mma enyi di mma onunu.

2. She was 19 when you met her n probably 21 now. It would be normal for her to behave childish n inexperienced n definitely not street wise.if she were more matured,then it would have been OK to expect much from her.but from your mentions I read you tell someone that you are not a young boy so I have certain expectations from you...like why you did not stamp your feet and say NO when she came back 3 good timeslike using protection when having sex with someone you later found out you never want to marry
My conclusion: ina eme ife n'uwa a,na eche kwa ma obulukwo GI?

daddytime:


Be a good boy...

Anybody wey I tell say...see my pikin or children...dem dey relook me well...

Na God jare

victorian:
Na WA o



Such arrogance!

Men like yourself are so horrible!

I wonder what she saw in you anyways.

What a pity. You've ended up messing up her life!

God forbid!!!!!!

sisisioge:
Hmmm...No to paying child support if you aren't the father but yes to helping her with cash every now and then for contributing to her stupidityyy. The onus of responsibility is on you as you ought to have:

1. Completely let her go without continually forrrrking her each time she purported came back to you, after you decision about not marrying her.

2. Even where your flesh was to weak @ 1 above, you should have wore CDs. Those tiny rubbers used to prevent pregnancies/STDs. You didn't...you blissfully enjoyed the whole thing the way most of us love it...don't bounce now vicar!

3. You should have let her aborrrt the pregnancy when she wanted to knowing fully well that you won't help bring up the child(ren). Oga, the sanctimonious thought of not being a murderer will not raise a child, you know? Since you helped her made decision keep it, dont bail on her biko.


Now baby is almost here...you guys are in it together fa. That's the right thing to do even if its not yours...help her clean up the mess biko. How much more if it is yours. Imagine if she were your sister , daughter or even you!

To all gullible/sensible girls out there...always remember that your body is yours to carry alone and pregnancy decisions should be made with very clear terms as they grow in your body. Cheers.

Phenomenal16:
...excuse me ..how old were u when u started sleeping with her?..like old ...my mind tells me that u should be in ur 30s..or late 20s....
U should av gotten am matured lady n leave her In peace like u said.
That gal was carried away by euphoria of love...
After scattering someboris life n future ..u r still contemplating on marrying her
If am in her shoes ..I will collect ur child support... Eat clean mouth,,go back to school ....work on my self .....and poison the hearts of those kids against... Shebi u smart

grossintel:
Bro, I won't insult you. But what you're doing to that girl is very wicked and inhuman. Before you enter any relationship, I repeat, look very well and observe the lady first! Take her out, spend sometime talking to her, while she's talking observe how she speaks, her sense of reasoning, ask her intelligent questions, I didn't say you should conduct an interview but be reasonable. You're doing this to cause you need to know if this person is good enough for you.

You turned that kid to a sex mate, because she's inexperienced, young and vulnerable! Now you get her pregnant and forming you don't want to marry out of pitty, who are you leaving her for! You dey Yankee now, so the naija hustling guys can marry the girl you wrecked her pvssy while you chop thight oyibo there?

Guy you're very insensitive and selfish and very proud! Go and claim your property, if you want her to speak well invest in her education. She sounds like a homely girl that can do anything to please you, she can learn to be the best of herself but only if you give her a chance.

daddytime:
Bursting your bubble niccur...

You need a lot to impress papas like us who abound here...

Stupid boy.

You'll get on front page to understand how far.

Ewu

Phenomenal16:
Don't mention me..plsss
Is like u get first class in twisting ppls advice to insults abeg.I no get tym for ranting here

sisisioge:
Pay child support so long as you're certain the children are yours. If they aren't, you can assist her still for contributing to her stupidityyyy. You were the adult in the relationship, you should have been more responsible. Anyways, money will help relieve her stress.

damtan:
Dear op, for you to have dated her for quite some time, there must be something good about her that you like. There's absolutely no perfect Lady out there.
If you think she'll give you peace of mind, nothing should stop you from marrying her. Nothing passes peace of mind bro. Individual differences shouldn't birth a general conclusion of a particular set of people; that would be fallacy of hasty generalization.
Don't neglect paternity test too once the child(ren) are birthed for certainty.
You'd be surprised the kinda woman she'll grow into.
Shalom!!!

daddytime:
Mumu...

You travel yesterday don dey feel like Rambo...idiot.

You know when I travel comot for Nigeria? I sure say you still dey carry cattarh for nose with your tear tear pant dey play for sand.

I knew it had been all about this...to let us know you have traveled out of Nigeria and as such those still remaining including the innocent girl and your unborn child have become idiots...abi?

You'll get your works worth trust me.

I know your type...

Your type dey fear babes wey tear eye..na mgekes wey you fit manipulate you dey carry.

Nonsense

sisisioge:
This is a wrong paternity test. The fact that you have twins in your family doesn't count, she is the one releasing or dividing eggs in multiplies.

Meanwhile, na wa for you o. You surely shouldn't marry out of pity but you owe her a lot in terms of this mess clean up.

daddytime:
The stingy thing think say na small children dey here wey go dey tell am sweet words wey him wan hear.

E carry another man pikin dey nack for ground Bleep her anyhow...no be say e dey care for the girl o according to him words, na now wey God wan super glue am with the girl e come remember say she be mgbeke...you never see life my guy. Karma

Thank God say you get sisters...just imagine a guy treating one of them exactly the same way you are confidently stating treating this naive girl.

You never see anything.
Life is bigger than you think bro...even if na Mars you go, you must collect.

Be wise and guided.

Not judging you, just stating the bitter undiluted truth you'd naturally hate to hear.

Insult me till next year, I care not.

AwkaetitiBabe:
That's good. If it's twins, try and marry her.

AwkaetitiBabe:
Sirdouglas, nothing is permanent, she being naive and dumb can change with the right education and exposure. A single mom of twin ain't easy and she's very young. I know how cunning onitsha people can get though so I'll advise you make sure d baby is really twins cos they might have said that so you cough up double.

Esthered:
Dear OP, I understand that marrying out of pity isn't the best. I'm dazed that at your level of exposure that you don't want to marry from Anambra state due to either experience or limiting beliefs as a result of stereotype. I had my worst experience in life in the east that made me detest Ibos but I grew to learn to deal with people based on who they are and not based on where they're from as you don't know what value the person can add to you that'll propel you to your destiny as man is created to be interdependent and fortunately my best friend is an Igbo lady.
Concerning the issue on ground, don't overrule doing a paternity test and involve someone you trust to minimize the risk of the result being tampered with as you're faraway. If the kids are yours, please try not to be an absentee father even if that's what it's going to be.
Help her to become a better person so that she can seek financial freedom because you didn't state the extent to which you were committed to her development while the relationship lasted. Don't try this in your current location as you may never get away with this. I pray no one does this to your daughter(s) in future and you reminisce in regret of what you did to someone's daughter. Still think about her potentials that may be worth it when you've ascertained the paternity of the kids.
I pray that when she grows older and discover herself she'll pursue her dreams and become altruistic towards women that get abandoned by their baby fathers that could have done the right thing.

nurex01:
Just Marry her like that, she will get to improve to your taste. If you know you can satisfy her sexual urge and others, later, find her like NCE TO GET TRAINED FOR EDUCATION AT LEAST THAT WOULD HELP

daddytime:
I wonder why you are taking it personal.

I judge issues based on how they are presented.

Anybody wey God bless with small wisdom can tell from your first post and this how dishonest a human you are.

You can tweak or spin your story anyhow to fool the gullible's here...my brother I don see 99 for life e remain one.

Most of my comments on here are based on personal experiences or those from people around me.

If I tell you say e no get wet in you want tell me, believe me...e don tey wey the zip wey dey my eye spoil.

I got a girl pregnant at 14...go figure

madampresident:
You accepted the pregnancy because this might be your only chance to father a child. Forgive me if I'm wrong.

About the poo you are in, every man's path of life is different. Some follow path A-B, some B-C, or C-D or even A-D.

On the issue on ground, things might not have gone the way you wanted but when life throws you lemons, my dear make lemonade.

My honest opinion, marry her, if you say she isn't intelligent, take her with you to civilization, get her some education. Fix her up and build a family.

daddytime:
Judging from your narrative, it is safe to say the young girl is a 'beauty without brains' whatever that means, and I'm sure her beauty was what got you hooked before you tasted the pie and subsequently realized she wasn't so smart.

Bro, I'm going to be straight up with you like I always do man...Selfish and self-centered is what you are (in bold).

You never hear say meat wey person no dey chop say him no suppose use teeth share am?

Oh because she was pretty, undemanding and mgbeke, you decided to hold on to her, leading her on, and only started being honest to her about your plans only when you had started making your travel plans and thus realized she'd be too local for your new status?

My bro, if that girl were my sister, and you had the effrontery to come to my house to spill what you just did here, you wouldn't have been able to use that visa of yours, and I'd have personally aborted the pregnancy. What insult.

If she's not good enough for you to wife, she shouldn't have been good enough for you to dickk and of course mother your baby(s).

This is even worse than a baby mama thingy, this is a baby factory one.

All the story about you making it clear to her that you won't be marrying her are just some cunning silly afterthoughts of a chronic user who had a game plan from the get-go.

There's something I'll tell you now if you like take am if you no like leave am.

I just hope and pray you won't come back looking for and begging this lady in the future and by what time it'd have been late already because you'd pay for your bid to selfishly destroy this young girl's life and dump her. For whom I ask after one o'clock?

Look around you and you'd find examples of cases like this where the man would come begging after years when his recompense would have been served steamy hot.

You no see GEJ and PEJ? How you see dem upon say PEJ dey break bottle with English?

You had better retraced your step, my friend, learn to love that babe, marry her and start a family with her or else you go regret am o.

Forget all these your later later excuses abeg

Olanireti:
No it won't be late, afrer all you have responsible right from the onset supporting her financially and emotionally. Just keep sending her money for whatever she needs till she delivers. When she delivers, do the paternity test to ascertain. Then you make your decision after then. Don't feel condemned.

bdchange:
You already concluded that you don't want to marry her yet you kept accepting her back. Haba who does that? It only shows you allowed the brain within your two legs to make the thinking not the one in your head. At this level of civilization you still believe there are some people you can't marry from even within your own tribe shows you are not well exposed to life. Make your choice as you dim fit because it is your cross to carry. But for once put yourself in the shoe of the girl's parent that someone impregnate your daughter and still tells you outrightly that he can't marry her... How will you feel? The girl is still very young so stupidity and foolishness is not far from girls of that age else she won't have been coming back when you made it clear to her that you just want to be sleeping with her. At last if the kids are yours try to be a responsible father to them. Shikena

raphroye:
You're not ready to marry her because she's not intelligent enough.

You contracted a disease from her.

You broke up with her three times and you took her back again.

You had the chance to set her free before she got pregnant but your dick won't let you free her, now you told her not to abort the pregnancy, even after you made her realized that you cannot marry her.

You went to see her family that you're responsible for her pregnancy, but you cannot marry her ( Now you're saying her family is bad after you impregnated their daughter and still have the guts to tell them that you cannot marry her)

Now, you're here asking us if you should marry her out of pity?? if i slap you ehn! How would you feel as a parent if a boy impregnates your daughter and still have the guts to tell you that he cannot marry her?
oloshi ni e ( stupid boy) You better send your family over to her place and marry your wife...

Olanireti:
First you were wrong to be sleeping with her without protection when you knew you wouldn't want to marry her, and you didn't even know her health status. What if she had infected you with HIV?

On the other hand, you did the right thing for taking the responsibility of the pregnancy even though you have doubt if the pregnancy is yours. Nevertheless, I will suggest you wait till after delivery and do paternity test so you be so certain you are the father of the kids.


You are lucky the parents are not forcing you to marry their daughter after you impregnated(if you are indeed responsible) her. Biblically, you are expected to marry her once you have impregnated her, but I will leave you to make your own decision concerning that as you will solely be responsible for your action. Nevertheless, one of the biggest mistakes anybody can make concerning marriage is marrying out of pity. It hardly work as the relationship is not based on the right foundations.

Finally, if the paternity is confirmed to be you and you decided not to marry her, make sure you take 100% responsibility of the kids. I wish you all the best