₦airaland Forum

Now before you judge me, I beg you to hear my side of the story.
I said my side of the story cos if she is here, she may not agree with everything I have to say.
This is a lengthy one but I will try to make it as short as possible.
I it is important to note that I am not writing this to be judged or ridiculed. I want matured and reasonable people to help out.

I met this girl in 2017. Can't really remember the month but it should be getting to 2years now. We started dating. As at the time I met her I wasn't struggling, I have my own business and apartment so I wouldn't say she met me when I had nothing. I was a big boy then if I can use that word.
She was just 19 or so then. I am this kind of guy that really really take relationship serious and always looking out to see if things can work out. I don't spend on her, I don't do much for her then. I wanted to see the kind of person she is. She doesn't care or even ask of anything. She might ask for something once in a while but I will pretend I didn't hearw her and to my amazement, she will never talk about it again.
With time I started noticing something about her that I don't like. First is she is really not smart and educated. I noticed that she doesn't have her own say. She listens to gossip and always bore me with what this person said or that person. I really hate that shit.
She is a mama's girl too. Sometimes I wonder if she gives her mom details of our sex life.
She won't sweep the house or do anything for me even while the relationship progressed. I started taking care of her and helping out with her needs. I constantly keep wondering if I can settle down with her but I am always stuck with that question.

I ended the relationship when it was clear to me that I can't live with her. I am an ambitious young man and I am not there yet. I want a woman who will be more than a sex mate. I want someone who can confidently handle my business and manage my home when I am not there. She is to naive to my liking. I am tired trying to build her into the kind of woman I want.

There is only one main reason why I wasn't really hard on her. She was one girl who accepted me from her heart and I know it and I respected that too. I suck when it comes to women and I respect women a lot. You know what they say about guys that respect women. They are mostly single �
She came back few months later. She wasn't ready to let go. Being that I am a loner. My defence wasn't strong enough. We started dating. I got hold of myself and ask her to go again because I couldn't see a future with her and I can't bring myself to be wasting her time.

She wanted to stay, I told her in plain words that I don't want to marry her and that's why I am setting her free.

She left and came back the third time. We had sex and all that but this time I was determined to let her go. I went to a lab for a test with to make sure I didn't infect her with anything because I treated staph before I met her and I was afraid it may still be there or something. To my utmost surprise, she was the one who infected me with gonorrhea. I treated mine and hers and ask her to go.

I noticed that she haven't seen her period and asked her and she confirmed it. She left and came back few weeks later that she is pregnant. She insisted that she wanted to have an abortion but I wasn't interested. I told her to keep the child. Besides, she has been the one telling me that my sperm us not working. I laughed over it. I became afraid that she will try something stupid so I took her to a pharmacist friend of mine to discourage her.

Her mother got to know and ask her to call me. I went with a friend and told her mother everything. I started suspecting that the child might not be mine because I treated her of an infection she possibly contacted from another person. In fact, I was shocked when she confessed about the infection. She said it is the toilet they use at home but I never believed her.

I told her mother that I am not sure about the paternity but however, I will take care of her. I told her family that I don't want to marry her and I have told her that severely.

We had a long discussion that day and I left. I started taking care if her the more. I made sure that I made my stand clear on the matter. I don't want to be a murderer so I got to do what is necessary. She started complaining about abuse from her siblings and war started. They beat her almost all the time and I wanted to take it personal. Shit do happen at times but that is not enough reason to kill their sister.

When all this is happening, I was processing my papers. In fact, I started processing my papers before she got pregnant and she is full aware of that. I took another group of friends to their home to help beg the brothers to stop beating her so they don't kill her and the child.

My visa took time so she was almost due for delivery before I left. I sent money to her account and bought some things I felt she would need even the unnecessary ones and left.

My problem now is that she contacted me few days ago to tell me that the scan said she is having twins now not a boy. I can't explain in details because I don't know but the bottom line is that she is now having a twins. I feel for her like I always do.

I don't want to marry out of pity. I don't want to live a promiscuous life. I don't want to marry this girl honestly and having a twins for me just complicated the matter the more.

She said the doctor said she will be delivering this month. I am thinking of sending my uncle and younger brother to her family house to do the iku aka or whatever that is called so I can lay claims to my kids.

Her family is so messed up that I will never want to do anything with them on a normal day. They are from onitsha in anambra and I swore never to marry from that state. That's one of the reason I kept chasing her away. When I say messed up, I am really not that good with English to find the right word to define how disorganized it is.

I am feeling like a monster already. I need all the help that I can get. I never expected this to happen. I never wanted to complicate her life but here I am in the middle of all this.

Should I marry her out of pity and save her the embarrassment or give her money and make sure she comfortable and go ahead with my life. Honestly I don't know what to do.

Liliyann:
This could have been averted if only she has a rich and caring boyfriend to take her where ever she wants to go!
It's quite a pity most guys are shying away from their responsibility!!

Your boyfriend should be your god on earth,he should be willing to do anything for you and go extra miles just to make you happy... even getting a nice ride and a driver to drive you!

Never settle for less!
Be with a man that is ready to spend for you just to prove his love and loyalty!!

This is the most stupid and dumbest comment I have come across in my life. You should be ashamed of yourself. How many cars does your father own? Your brothers how far?? What about all the guy that you have dated?? You see why they say women have fish brain??

nanauju:
The only reason I want to believe y'all are choosing car is because you don't want us to suffer when you marry us

That's a positive attitude you got right there.

Meedass:
My brother you just might be making a huge mistake by letting her go..you have two months to travel, it's enough time to bond with her, ask her out officially after you have found out what you need to find out# I hope she is intelligent upstairs if you are going to leave a business for her# if you feel she is the one, then go for it, make sure she isn't the cheating type that when you leave, she jumps into another man...try asking her some questions about sex to know how her awareness level is.. you can email me if you need to someone to relate with on the go..I like adventures like this!! (V.muffler81@gmail.com)

What exactly are you suggesting that I ask her Of course I know she isn't a virgin. But ain't judging nobody bro. So what exactly am I looking for??

androidroot:
Douglas are you a Nigerian?

yeah..... Lols

That sounds funny.

MissRaine69:
No business has ever flourished while the owner is away. It becomes a black hole! Unless you plan on making monthly trips ( even fortnightly as I see some of my colleagues doing hair getting more grey with every trip) If not then do what you have to do but don’t leave it to anyone!

If you are in a position to sell do that. You don’t know how your life abroad will pan out. Therefore do not make promises you might not be able to keep. The philosophy of “wait for me I shall return” has caused many men and women to be bitter. A time to settle down will come.

Don’t catch any feelings. I suggest selling and keeping your money and leave if this was meant to be it will be. Now is not the time to be conflicted about things like this. And regarding leaving your business to her are you out of your mind? Are you like seriously doolally?

Most Nigerian women and money = diabolical pairing that does not have a good ending.
Ever!

I really appreciate your opinion. But to help me better I think it's necessary to throw more light on what I am going there to do. I am into phone business and I am traveling to China which my major aim and sustainance will be buying phones and sending it down here for to be sold and return the money also buy for others. So you see the business is necessary for the time being. Maybe I would wind up the business when I stabilized over there but for now I will be needing. Siblings is not an option. I have just a brother and two younger sisters that are still in secondary school. My younger brother is a no no. That guy will run me down faster than a stranger. At least I can unleash my full wrath on anyone else without the world judging me. Those of you that come from a stable home don't know what guys like us passes through. This is one of it.

ariketalks:
Do NOT make this mistake. Even if she doesn't like you, she could pretend to just for selfish reasons. I am not saying she will, but she might.

Yeah I understand. That's the major reason I haven't told her much in that aspect. Though staying around me now complicates the issue a little cos she will now know I am not as poor as I pretend to be.

troublemakea:
carry her home, pay for her dowry, marry her and give her belle

then come and thank me later

It sounds stupid but only a matured mind will know you make a lot of sense. I have actually taught of that but I still have some issues I need to resolve with my health before talking about impregnating a lady.

ojoj:
Dear brother, this is a dilemma. I will advice you dig into her past. Find out who she is. Check her FB posts (if she has any). Ask questions around. It is also good to take good risks. Go into prayer, look for signs, test her with money etc. Some people are good. All the best.

She is a reserved person by nature. She doesn't do much. I still don't understand how she managed to keep herself in this generation of use what you have to get what you want trend. She is such a beauty that if she passes and you don't look twice then you are gay. Yes she is that beautiful. But we ain't talking about beauty. If is into money, she would be flirting around but judging from what she wears, either she doesn't have a boyfriend or that nigga is an asshole but for sure she still have some dignity left.

OK here is the deal; I met this girl fews months back at a friends office as a sales girl. She is everything a man could want in a woman. An epitome of beauty. It took me like a while to get her contact cos she wouldn't give me. I refused to get it from anyone else but her. One day she did give me. I tried all I could to convince this girl that I am not like her ex but she wouldn't believe me. After what seems like forever, I got tired so I let her be. But I noticed something. Each time I stop calling or texting for a while she will call me but yet will never accept to date me. I'm not of great looks for sure but I've got a big heart. Sometimes I feel probably it's bcoz I'm not that handsome. I just can't figure out exactly what the problem is. I so much love this girl and meant well for her. She called me into their office one day to tell me that one girl told her that she loves me. I was bent on her telling me who the girl is but she refused. She said she is afraid I will leave her for the unknown girl. That girl is just messing up with my head and life...... Lols.

After what seems like a two weeks I heard from her colleague in office that she no longer work with them. I didn't want to call her since she never bothered to let me know. I was on my own one good evening my phone rang it was her. She told me she no longer work with them and is searching for a job. I am looking for a sells girl also so I felt it will create a room for bonding. I hired her few days ago. But the thing is, I am leaving the country in less than two months by God's grace and I don't even have anyone to leave my business for. I have this girl I have been dating for a while now but I have told her plainly that our relationship won't lead to marriage. I am feeling it would be bad to keep her for selfish reasons. Until I see some level of commitment I can't leave my business for a total stranger who from the look of things don't want to make clear her stand but at the same time would make a great wife. So it seems anyway.

What do I do? I want someone I can trust to give control my business from here while I travel.
Would it be stupid to pay her dowry and travel?
She doesn't know about my traveling plans.
Should I speak to her plainly and tell her exactly what I want from her? Should I disclose that much information to her?
I hate wooing a lady with what I have or who I am.

I need all the help I can get before a brother makes a life time mistake please.

After hosting my site, I encountered an error 0. I don't know how to fix it and I have to show the site to the owner tomorrow.

I need someone who can guide me through.

KardinalZik:
IF YOU LOVE, LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY. And, should you decide to quit, quit irreversibly.

that part got me. Thanks a lot. U don't how grateful I am. For all of you guys.

IamSINZ:
Its a set up bruh.. its their usual line

so what do you suggest then?

columbus007:
Be human bro,even if you love her or you don't, lets be human cos a lot of girls are going thru tough times and don't forget what she's going thru right now could have happened to anybody,now what if our sisters are going thru it and we are never aware?they are ladies too don't u get?just rebuild her confidence bro.

Yea. Thanks a lot.

KardinalZik:
She told you everything, but you didn't believe her without a proof.

She gave you the chance to prove it: you did and found out that it is true...yet you still chose DISTRUST.

NO RELATIONSHIP WILL EVER WORK WHERE THERE IS NO TRUST.

ARE YOU ALSO A VIRGIN that you wanna judge others based on their virginity?

WHO VIRGINITY EPP, ABEG?

Nah.......me too I don't give a Bleep about virgin stuff. And I want to believe her considering the amount of crime that happens in this country but I am just afraid. I don't want to find out tomorrow that she is not really what she appears to be. I mean we just me, not even up to two weeks. I am only trying not to loose my brain because I love a woman. You should understand. U are a guy. I'm a good guy or I wouldn't be here seeking for suggestion.

What will u want me to do then?

forreelinc:
yea get the guys number and ask him

She agreed to show the guy that did that to her. I forget to say that she told me that she was beaten and robed. Its now like 2yrs ago before I met her. I can't start fighting a dude over what I don't know when or what exactly happened? I just want to know the way forward.

I have been out of relationship for a time now due to some personal reasons. Few weeks back I met this girl, she serves as a sales girl near my office. Each time I come around I akways play with her so one day I jokingly asked for her number and she gave me I promised to call which I never did( I don't know if its just me but must times I ask ladies for their number just for fun). Few days later she called requesting to know why I never called. As a guy I just gave her one or two excuses and ended the call. I asked her out the next Sunday and she accepted. We met and it was fun. I tried to touch her but she refused ( I was expecting that anyway, I mean we just met!!). We started going out more often and I normally pick her up while going to my house cos she is not living far from my place.

The thing is all this while, she never wanted me to touch her. When I insisted to know why she said its because I don't have a condom with me. I tried to talk her out of it but she strongly refused so I let her be.

This Sunday I bought the condom and after some drama she allow me to touch her. But she said she will cry. I was surprised. First I thought maybe she is a virgin but when I tried to penetrate her the outside was open but will never allow a dip thrust. She cried in pain.

I was shocked because I knew exactly what was going on. I tried again and it was obvious she was not faking it. I couldn't bring myself to sex her with so much pain in her. I started questioning her and she told me that she was raped sometime last year by a group of four guys but it was only one that penetrated her. My gut was telling me that she is watering the incident down because she doesn't want to either offend me or lose me. She was crying all this while, her tears was not moving me cos I don't easily get moved by a lady's tears. I question her some more but that was all she could tell.

Now she knew she had whatever infection that hence her refusal without condom.

I have come to love the girl. Though one of her reasons she refused to have sex with me was that she was afraid I will leave her after that.
I gave her my word before then to stay with her only if she wants to stay. I always try to keep my word.

I love this girl. I want to help her get rid of whatever that is but first I want ur advice.
Does she worth the stress?
Do you have any idea what could be wrong with her?
Should I just let her be?
She has met few guys before me who had sex with her even in that pain and never felt a thing. She never wanted to tell but I assured her that I know she had a life before we met.

What exactly should I do?

Hate all u want haters.......he is Igbo and a proud of it. Abeg let him remain in the bench so long as he gets paid. Owu ego ka nwa amadia chotora.....so long as he is richer than u haters generation and unborn children I'm cool

I am looking for someone who has a a working Nigerian adsense that is for sell who is living within onitsha or Benin. This is because I don't want it to be online transaction. I will like to check the adsense before I pay.

Pls indicate if u have one.

THUNDAR:
Let me pretend I don't know which army you are talking about!!!

Nigeria got the best of LAND SOLDIERS IN AFRICA AND THE WHOLE WORLD

so I will like to know which war they have fought and won before Mugu

The situation is getting more interesting by the day. Buhari is shooting himself on the foot. He is giving this man more relevance by the day and gaining more sympathisers. Once the igbo faction in Senate start beating the succession drum just know that it is over.

dewhaley:
OP...just forget about the Invitation and try to avoid helping her...if you eventually feel like helping her,then know that she might keep coming back for more help from you and we both know you will want something later from her
#justSaying

Guy for some unknown reasons I love this girl. U mean I should just let her go?? I remember how my friends and neighbors where praising her character then. I just don't know

egopersonified:
op, what this girl needs is a job and not a relationship. are you ready to buy her clothes, phones, feed her family, pay their rent, pay medical bills, etc? you won't do these now, but if she sticks around for five years you will pay for all the above whether you are both in a relationship or not. please help her get a job, she doesn't need your money. for once do something reasonable for a lady without thinking about getting a piece of her. BTW she knows her guy is a player, she is ready to stick to him despite that, if you like go sing it in the mountains.

babe calm down, I am not a stupid fellow or else I won't bring up the matter here. I appreciate ur opinion but I doubt if u read through. I have genuine interest in the young lady. One the reason I brought the matter here is because I don't want to appear to be taking advantage of her pls. She is undergoing a computer training so that's one reason while she is finding it a little difficult now. Once she is done I believe things will be a little easier. I can offer her a full-time job but she said no because of the training. U are a lady. Keeping sentiment aside, what do u sincerely think?? Considering the fact that I have been after this girl for a long time

JaffyJoe:
Man one of the best ways to permanently endear yourself to a woman is to come to her aid financially at a strategic time of need (talk & do).

There is nothing wrong with caring for someone you claim to love with gifts and lil cash sometimes. Same person you took your time to study when she worked for you and you feel can compliment you forever. Bros even if you buy 10k apparel for her and she later still say no, SO WHAT? No biggie, taking her shopping to a modest store is even a way to check her long throat meter.

Bottom line, don't biitch out now. That chic is your wife on some futuristic shxt. Don't lose a gem because you don't wanna appear like a mumu. If you find a good beautiful woman with awesome temperament & character, baba being her mumu is allowed.

maximum respect Bro
U are one of those guys I appreciate their suggestion.
So what do u think brother??
Should I go with her or give her and excuse?
What will be ur next line of action if u are in my shoes?

Frankeyy:
advice:u have the upper advantage.. hia sir...the ball is in your court....nor allow dat gal see u finish..I repeat no allow DAT gal see u finish....


na guys nid to check ma signature....do DAT ASAP

see me finish?? How do u mean?? Remember that she has worked and known me more than a year now so it's safe to say that she don see me finish ooo or is there something else u are trying to say??

OfficialDad:
Tell her you changed your mind. You need to attend to something else, and you won't be going again. Just cancel that invitation.

Then, you need to realize that, she's 18-19yrs according to you, her brain is still lacking life experiences. Get to find out if her mom is truely having issues, and help with the token u v. I suggest u visit the mom and present the token(5k, 10k , etc) to her, you would gain the moms love, trust and respect. In fact the whole family go dey call you MVP

Yea but don't u think that will be breaking trust?? I mean u and I know that women have a way of reasoning. Maybe I should just pay for the clothes and still cancel the invitation but even at that, if she wants to find out if I later went she will find out. And that also is not good

chyy5:
Do u have genuine intentions for her? If yes, then re-mphasis ur intention to her. Is obvious she is having financial problem. Don't capitalize on that to do anything funny to her. Tell her what u want from her and if she can't say yes, then she should not remember you when she's in need. This was how a gal friendzoned me years and using the money I give her to cook for her cultist boyfriend in school. She remembers me each time she's broke and even when d guy fought with someone nd got wounded, d gal came to me pretending that her mother is seriously sick, not knowing is the idiot. Well, she regretted it cos I was long gone when d iidot dumped her sorry asx.

U made a valid point
Thanks a lot

OfficialDad:
Op. If u get money to help her, just help her. Cancel that wedding invitation with her. Just fvcking help her and don't date her, love her or show further interest in her.(If you want to marry her, that's fine, but she's still a teen).

Conclusion, look elsewhere. You would gain her love and friendship. "Maybe".

thank you but since I have made a mistake of inviting her already which she said yes but don't have anything to wear. I asked her to come tomorrow so that I can take her to my friend for new clothes. What do u suggest that I do

SmellingAnus:
Make her feel comfortable, assist her... Don't try to bring up anything related to asking her out, I mean don't try to make her feel you are taking advantage of the situation, ... After two weeks you can still mention and update me about the latest development then I will tell you what next to do

Thanks
Exactly what was in my mind cos I was afraid to assist so she won't feel indebted to me or that I am taking advantage of her. Will do exactly what u said.

drajjay:
you told her her relationship wouldn't go well in the long run

was that the only part u read?? Didn't u see where I said the dude is a known play boy I bow for u ooo

drajjay:
why would you forecast someone's relationship. Are you the author?

l don't get ur point

SmellingAnus:
She is in need of help and she knows you can help her if you want to....financial help to be precised...

Thanks for the observation. Now what is the right decision to take considering the fact that I love her and she know?? What will u Don't??