₦airaland Forum

Time to rant

Defense attorney: will u tell us in ur own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Old lady: there I was, sitting on my porch on a warm spring evening when a young man comes creeping up n sat down next to me.

Attorney: did u know him?

Old lady: No. But he was friendly.

Attorney: what happened after he sat down?

Ol'Lady: He rubbed my thigh.

Attorney: Did u stop him?

Old Lady: No.

Attorney: why not?

Old Lady: It felt good. No one has touched me since my albert died.

Attorney: What happened next?

Old lady: He began to rub my breasts.

Attorney: Did u stop him then?

Old lady: No

Attorney: Why not?

Old Lady: It made me feel alive n excited.I haven't felt like that in years!

Attorney: Nxt what?

Old lady: Well, by then I was all spicy n I laid down n told him take me, Take me now!

Attorney: did he take u?
Old lady: Hell no! he just yelled "april fool"! And that's when I shot the little bastard

ΰ guys hav finally unban my ID

Tuesday- slowly but surely

no way!!!- haba!!!, those pics cant be for real. lai lai!!! i no gree

An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."


The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.



Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied,

"Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open."

HaHa - What were you thinking?

[quote author=eku_bear link=topic=627689.msg7952920#msg7952920 date=1300687403]heh.

I doubt they were planning on a suicide attack? Probably just plant the bombs and set them off.

Probably hit a roadbump on bad roads and went *POOF*  [/quote]LWTMB-  laff wan tear my belle

monday mood - dont even dare

Loving dodo

Sunday nyt ahhhhh!!! - sum1 stole me weekend

You like going round in cycles.

Qstn: ‎​Ɣ‎​‎​‎​ didn't GEJ attend d NN24 debate

Ans:
NN24 can't lay claim to any basis to host a presidential Debate. NN24 has  limited reach.
The teeming populace will not be carried along -i.e. NN24 is viewed only thru DSTV.
There exists already, a presidential debate platform  via BON, which has been conducting the debates ever since 1999.
The presidency has priorities attending debates organized by every kobojunkie, sagamite and blacksta isn't one of em, as it defeats d purpose- "massive outreach".

And in all honesty - when was the first time you heard of NN24? Now equate your response to d avg Nigerian who's onli access to information is via radio and probable local news,- hopefully you would see d futility of attending such a debate.

Like a child- ΰ utter gibberish

Can ΰ kindly reiterate ur grievance, so dat I can respond stepwise - since ΰ have successfully failed in comprehension

Eyah ΰ can't read to understand. You pickup one line and attack, without reading thru d logic of the post.

@Sagamite
ΰ missed dis part below
ΰ r seemingly intelligent,but obviously comprehension is your achilles heel, so I adjure you to read slowly, like really really slowly- hope this helps.

@Sagamite
I read d posts.
What is d basis of your argument? GEJ should attend every "credible" debate- what's your definition of credible? What makes NN24 debate credible? Have you ever considered d purpose of a debate? If the teeming populace  meant to view the debate and pass judgment is isolated (atleast 90%)- doesn't that make the debate "credible" but futile.

NN24 debate didn't have d Nigerian Populace @ heart, from a business point of view, d sale of DSTV decoders went up, small wonder the subscription rate is planned to go up.

ΰ r seemingly intelligent, but obviously comprehension is your achilles heel, so I adjure you to read slowly, like really really slowly- hope this helps.

Firstly, GEJ is d current president of Nigeria, and men! That is alot of responsibility, if you have eva being in a position of authority, albeit little, you would understand the meaning of the word "priority"

Secondly,there are billions of networks desperately seeking ratings/credibility, NN24 is no exception, its relatively new, not present on local stations, can only be viewed via DSTV which is Southafrican, and you expect the President of my country to attend a Presidential debate on such a platform-wtf!!!

Thirdly, NN24 played a deft gambit, in chess we call it a zung zwang- the aim is typically to force your opponent to ur will, fortunately GEJ didn't fall for d cheap blackmail and clueless pressuring from inept/biased journalist.

Finally, I would advise ppl should reason succinctly before posting, NN24 has no basis to xpect the C-I-C of d FGN to attend a debate, haba! !!wetin stop iya basira from holding one in her beer parlour, GEJ will attend a presidential debate for Nigerians, by Nigerians, to Nigerians.

And Zamfara?

wu break d news, he/she/it must pay

He was experienced, while she was naive.  On their wedding night, when Studio removed his clothes, Tanimz asked, “Studio!  What is that handle like thing hanging between your legs?”Studio was a quick thinker. “Tanimz, I am the only man in the world with one of these handles that will give you immense pleasure… And then he proudly showed her what it was for.  Tanimz was more than pleased. After the honeymoon was over, Studio went back to work.  He returned home to find an upset Tanimz waiting on their front porch.“Studio, you said you were the only man in the world with one of those and yet today, when I saw Snthesis changing his clothes behind the shed, he had one, too!”  Ever fast on his feet, Studio said, “Oh, Tanimz, Snthesis is my best friend… since I had two, I gave him one.  So he is the only other man in the world with one.”A sceptical Tanimz accepted this answer, but when Studio returned home the next day, an agitated Tanimz was waiting on the porch.“Tanimz?  Now  what's wrong?” “Damn it, Studio. You gave the better one to Snthesis!”

An old man lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison for bank robbery. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament. Shortly, he received this reply,"For HEAVEN'S SAKE Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the Money!"At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any money. Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Now plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do from here."

not bad

> After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one
morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation. The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying;My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
>
>Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
>Man:- 365 days and some times 366
>Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
>Man:- 24 hours
>Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
>Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.
>Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
>Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e . 1/3(one third)
Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
>Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)
Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
>Man:- No sir
Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
>Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days
Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?
>Man:- 18 days.
Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
Man:- 4 days
Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on the Independent Day?
Man:- No sir!
>Manager:- So how many days are lft?
Man:- 1 day sir!
Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!
Manager:- So, what are you claiming?
Man: - I have understood, Sir. I did not realize that I was stealing Company money all these days.
Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
>HR = HIGH RISK

‎​Ɣ‎​‎​‎​ d beef with Tpiah

D demand for 30yr market na serious geometric depression

Baby LorLy, come to bed NOW

1, 2 , 3. . . .Dnt let me get to 10 o

Lorlah
I thot I warned you to stop discussing our personal lives on NL, now ΰ ar in for it. LOG OFF RIGHT NOW!!!

Mallam sule bought a new bullet proof jeep for N75m,visiting Warri he was stopped by bandits who started raining bullets at him. To his amazement the car resisted all he was so happy he started shouting abusing them one of the robbers gestured that they can't hear him. Mallam sule wound down his window shouting “shege danbura uba ,barawo banza dan iska ne kowa waka. He has since been buried according to muslim rites =))

mukina2:
happy bornday to you!!!
happy bathday to you!!!
here's a soap and a sponge
face front go find stream

eeyah!!! na so dey sing am for u

Firearm:
happy bd snthesis

oya take this from me

tanx

wendybaby:
9c knowing my post was acknowledged
berra late than never or wt tzinkest dou?

i guess so, nw u hav an excuse to make it up in kind

books

una forget my Bday shey.
no biscuits and shingum for u and U too