A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

flat tummy

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"

The mother replies, "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."

"You're wasting your time," said the boy.

"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.

"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

2 CHINAMEN

Once upon a time in China, lived two Chinamen. One named I Cum and one named No Cum.
No Cum marry pretty Chinese girl named No Cum Tu. For velly obvious reason No Cum and No Cum Tu not have any children.

One day, No Cum went out of town on business, and I Cum came over and spent the night with No Cum Tu. That night I Cum came and No Cum Tu came too. This make both velly happy.

However about 7 or 8 months later, No Cum see he about to become father but he not know how come, so when baby come, he named it, How Cum U Cum.

Of course, I Cum and No Cum Tu know How Cum U Cum came. But to this day No Cum not know how come How Cum U Cum came!

Cum again?
dudes in hell


Three guys found themselves in Hell: Tom, Mike, and Jose. A little confused at their present situation, they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4-, dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone.
The voice of the Devil was heard, "Tom, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Tom was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment.

This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair, and flies circled her.

The voice of the Devil was heard, "Mike, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Mike, like Tom, was whisked off.

Jose, now alone, felt understandably anxious, and feared the worst when the third door opened. And as the door inched open, he strained to see the figure of, Cindy Crawford.

Delighted, Jose jumped up, taking in the sight of this beautiful woman, barely dressed in a skimpy bikini. Then he heard the voice of the Devil saying, "Cindy, you have sinned,

it is fair and unfair.

FAIR

it is business,i see an oppurtunity,i grab it as fast as possible to make the money
do you know how much they spend settling tax,maintenance and government bribery
it makes us find a better way, Free browsing!!!

Unfair
they don't even provide better network even with all those money
limited bandwidth makes it worse,so Nigerians can't download Gigabyte softwares


CONCLUSION

stop worrying your head off and get IWP

op,
hope you can cater for there needs,these girls go suck you dry. even your GM no go stand up for 8 months

simple, deactivate the anti virus and read your cd then reactivate.

if it has not expired, then you need a crack. if it has,then you need to format and reinstall

i downloaded her from the internet, though she was a 60 day trial

nellaluv:

Mama gee's famous "WHY" thread. Sorry but i'll have to go with the fart theory, only reasonable explanation .


So mama gee, did you fart?  {no offiense }

yes, tell us the truth. only the truth can set you free from farts

@poster; if you really want him (not love him,cos you don't) , don't just go and tell him. try to create a friendship with him first cos he is too old for those i love you,i need you craps. be his friend and show that you care,learn him more and know what you might be going into. the, voila, you are in

remember also, no more please call me,i love you.

If she agrees, go find another girl cos she don already find better maga

I search search tire, so i programmed mine.

jmoore:

I heard godaddy is only good in domain names and not hosting.

But you need credit card to pay for these foreign web hosts

godaddy's hosting is now doing good,you can try it

evantical:

plz house ,i am new into web designing and look up to owing my site one day but the free ones cant be googled even the blog i opened at .is it not possible to be googled?and who can host my site better and cheaper in Nigeria.and do i have to learn much about designing website.

there is one easy way,find a good forum that has authority which google index everyday or even a blog. post something useful with a link to your website and voila, in less than 3days,you are indexed.

you know why, robot metas are mainly no follow but yes index but all forums are yes follow and yes index. try foreign forum (not gaming forums)

kess.1:

Bros, i didn't see the thread about how to create IWP servers in the website you recommended. please help!
Thank you.
Kess.

you no see the link to a thread on naira land and you want go dash stupid websites traffic

the will
A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will:

"To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million."

The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave her the yacht, the business and $1 million."

The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will - well you are wrong. Hi Dan!"

SPERM SAMPLE

A 75-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow."

The next day, the 75-year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains,

"Well, doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my wife for help.

She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing.

Hell, we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."

The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOUR?"

The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the damn jar open!"



GET YOUR DIRTY MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!!

DOPE


Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "Seventeen people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this and told them this big circle is your brain before drugs and this small circle is your brain after drugs". "That's admirable," said the judge.

"And you, how did you do?" The judge asked the second boy. "Well, your honor, I persuaded 150 people to give up drugs forever." "One-hundred-fifty people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?" "Well, I used a similar approach. I said, 'This small circle is your asshole before prison, '

PIGDEON ENGLISH INTERPRETATION

Rev. Reinhard Bonke came to Okuokoko village in Delta state for a convention. He mounted the podium and started preaching the gospel.


Barely 10 minutes into the sermon, he noticed that the congregation were grumbling and leaving. He called on the nearest man (Akpomiemie) and asked him why they were leaving. Akpomiemie answered "sir, dem no understand your big English". Reinhard Bonke thought for a moment and then asked Akpomiemie for assistance. This is what ensued:

Reinhard Bonke: "As it is written in the bible"

Akpomiemie: "As dem yarn for bible side"

Reinhard Bonke: "Jesus entered the boat with his disciples"

Akpomiemie: "Naim Jesus fall inside canoe with him palles"

Reinhard Bonke: "As the boat was sailing there was a great storm"

Akpomiemie: " As the canoe dey remove naim yawa come gas"

Reinhard Bonke: " the storm was so great that it was like a whirl wind"

Akpomiemie: "the yawa na die so tay kasala burst enter"

Reinhard Bonke: " the disciples became so afraid and they shouted master master"

Akpomiemie: "naim liver drop him palles, dem begin hala bros bros"

Reinhard Bonke: " Jesus got up and calmed down the wind"

Akpomiemie: "Naim Jesus rise up come arrange the yawa"

Reinhard Bonke: " He turned to his disciples and said, oh ye men of little faith"

Akpomiemie: “Na so Jesus look him palles, shake him head say UNA FALL MY HAND "

Reinhard Bonke: “the disciples replied and said what manner of man is this?

Akpomiemie: him palles come hala say sho, bro J, which levels? , YOU BE WINSH?"

liaslo***:

i always get tired of reading Long Joke







no offense

then you must be tired of your life by now, lol

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

***

DEAR DESPERATE,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) Also do not attempt to reinstall Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support
courtesy of skoola.com

check this thread, i've created it https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-559995.0.html

Note: This is for creating free servers, i can't guarantee you that it will not be blocked infact, i'll guarantee you that it will be blocked.
Secondly; the servers you will be creating are going to be for version 1 and 2.

What you need: you will need the IWP package that contains the php scripts.
In my own, which is version 1 downloaded directly from the developers website, it is located at
indiawebproxy =>PHP(server module) => tutorial.php

normally there would be 3 files there,
tutorial.php
php.ini
testmyserver.php

during upload,you would upload tutorial.php and you can even rename it so that instead of example.com/tutorial.php you would have example.com/spikes.php

before we normally upload the 3 files but since the illegal IWP has become popular, free web hosts now tracks the php.ini file. if they ever find it, your account will be immediately deactivated.

Now we need free hosting websites, here are a few;

for German IPs:

mobi.ps
(i can't remember the others cos is been long)

note:they dont accept @yahoo.com emails, only @gmail.com and others like @yahoo.ca

1. create an account with them and verify with your email address.
2. create a project (which is a domain name).
3. copy out your ftp details ( you will see it when you click on a project to view it's details)

USA IPs:

freewebhostingarea.com
x10hosting.com
orangeserve.com
000webhost.com

note:for these sites, you will have to chose a domain name during sign up
so all you need is to copy out your ftp details immediately. but with 000webhost.com, you can also create projects,though they don't call it projects there.

now we have finished creating our domain names and hosting servers,what we need now to do is to upload our php scripts.

1.go to ftplive.com
2. sign in with your ftp details.
3. go to your root folder being www by clicking the www folder.
4. upload your tutorial.php file or your renamed one.

THAT IS IT, YOUR SERVER IS NOW example.com/tutorial.php or example.orgfree.com/tutorial.php

Now for all those paid servers,this is how it is done.
Either the person hosted it on his own website that he created with good hosting companies like godaddy.com and others or
He hacked someones website and installed the scripts there without that person's knowlegde or
He paid for x10hosting.com premium host, or hostgator.com premium hosting WITH A CREDIT CARD.
Thats why it is not FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

secondly, freewebhostingarea.com is a good place cos there scripts last longer,even up to a month but that is on one condition,which is

there is a new php script which doesn't contain arunava's comments which we think is what the bots are tracking to deactivate your accounts. I am not with it now cos i don't need it but i might write a tutorial on how to create it later.

another thing, IWP version 1 and 2 are not on arunava's website anymore so it is real hard to get these days. sooooo, if you have yours,never delete it.

another issue, for those that told you that version 3 doesn't use php servers any more, that is a lie. it is just that they can't create the servers themselves. Arunava saw that IWP is a big business in Nigeria,so he created another version which works with another php script,that is why your version 1 and 2 servers can't work on version 3. you will have to go to there website,register and pay for a subscription. It is not known what script he uses,at least to my knowlegde, so no one can create it except him. this is because php is a server side language,which means you can't view the source code from a client side( forget this jargon if you don't know what it means).

In conclusion, if you need a private server, PAY for it.
if not, create your own every 2 to 3 hrs.

you can contact me for prvate servers on dedicated hosting,unlimited bandwidth and 1 month guarantee (which means mine is for life) through 08035553259 or chinonodld@yahoo.com

Thanks,hope this helps
pls,others can list other free hosting sites

you guys can have these free servers(not created by me though)


http://iwponmblnet.tk/mattw350.php

http://shollyxl.orangeserve.com/shollyxl.php

Note: This is for creating free servers, i can't guarantee you that it will not be blocked infact, i'll guarantee you that it will be blocked.
Secondly; the servers you will be creating are going to be for version 1 and 2.

What you need: you will need the IWP package that contains the php scripts.
In my own, which is version 1 downloaded directly from the developers website, it is located at
indiawebproxy =>PHP(server module) => tutorial.php

normally there would be 3 files there,
tutorial.php
php.ini
testmyserver.php

during upload,you would upload tutorial.php and you can even rename it so that instead of example.com/tutorial.php you would have example.com/spikes.php

before we normally upload the 3 files but since the illegal IWP has become popular, free web hosts now tracks the php.ini file. if they ever find it, your account will be immediately deactivated.

Now we need free hosting websites, here are a few;

for German IPs:

mobi.ps
(i can't remember the others cos is been long)

note:they dont accept @yahoo.com emails, only @gmail.com and others like @yahoo.ca

1. create an account with them and verify with your email address.
2. create a project (which is a domain name).
3. copy out your ftp details ( you will see it when you click on a project to view it's details)

USA IPs:

freewebhostingarea.com
x10hosting.com
orangeserve.com
000webhost.com

note:for these sites, you will have to chose a domain name during sign up
so all you need is to copy out your ftp details immediately. but with 000webhost.com, you can also create projects,though they don't call it projects there.

now we have finished creating our domain names and hosting servers,what we need now to do is to upload our php scripts.

1.go to ftplive.com
2. sign in with your ftp details.
3. go to your root folder being www by clicking the www folder.
4. upload your tutorial.php file or your renamed one.

THAT IS IT, YOUR SERVER IS NOW example.com/tutorial.php or example.orgfree.com/tutorial.php

Now for all those paid servers,this is how it is done.
Either the person hosted it on his own website that he created with good hosting companies like godaddy.com and others or
He hacked someones website and installed the scripts there without that person's knowlegde or
He paid for x10hosting.com premium host, or hostgator.com premium hosting WITH A CREDIT CARD.
Thats why it is not FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

secondly, freewebhostingarea.com is a good place cos there scripts last longer,even up to a month but that is on one condition,which is

there is a new php script which doesn't contain arunava's comments which we think is what the bots are tracking to deactivate your accounts. I am not with it now cos i don't need it but i might write a tutorial on how to create it later.

another thing, IWP version 1 and 2 are not on arunava's website anymore so it is real hard to get these days. sooooo, if you have yours,never delete it.

another issue, for those that told you that version 3 doesn't use php servers any more, that is a lie. it is just that they can't create the servers themselves. Arunava saw that IWP is a big business in Nigeria,so he created another version which works with another php script,that is why your version 1 and 2 servers can't work on version 3. you will have to go to there website,register and pay for a subscription. It is not known what script he uses,at least to my knowlegde, so no one can create it except him. this is because php is a server side language,which means you can't view the source code from a client side( forget this jargon if you don't know what it means).

In conclusion, if you need a private server, PAY for it.
if not, create your own every 2 to 3 hrs.

you can contact me for prvate servers on dedicated hosting,unlimited bandwidth and 1 month guarantee (which means mine is for life) through 08035553259 or chinonodld@yahoo.com

Thanks,hope this helps
pls,others can list other free hosting sites

you guys can have these free servers(not created by me though)


http://iwponmblnet.tk/mattw350.php

http://shollyxl.orangeserve.com/shollyxl.php

pls i need nokia e71 that is still neat and clean at a moderate price. i live in Enugu. contact me on 08035553259 or chinonodld@yahoo.com

aduhube:

I have one month old E71. It goes for 28K (negotiable) call 08034920805 , agbochriss@yahoo.com

no i can't. cut it down to 18k and i'll take it. what do you say

pls i need e71 that is clean and neat. contact me on 08035553259 or chinonodld@yahoo.com

pls i need nokia e71 thats fairly used and very clean. am in Enugu. contact me on 08035553259 or chinonodld@yahoo.com

kabasa77:

e71 going for 19k tops with original battery, 08034450902

is it still available

pls i need nokia E71. am in Enugu and i would need to see the phone before paying.
contact me on 08035553259 or chinonodld@yahoo.com

pls i need nokia E71. am in Enugu and i would need to see the phone before paying.
contact me on 08035553259 or chinonodld@yahoo.com