₦airaland Forum

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

Although her decision not to be part of it at all is not a good one, but these are my observations which I think you and your men group members need to appropriate into your mode of operations:
1. Involve your wives by inviting them to such get together.
2. Some of the wives like 3-5 should be designated to go assist the host's family with the cooking.
3. During your regular meetings, you guys should develop a system of doing small contributions from which a support fund can be given to the host family to offset their expenses.

With these improvements, you guys will enjoy a better and happier get together and also get the privilege of improving individual family bonds.

YEBOmadiba:
How does a country greater than SA have a million REFUGEES in South Africa? U are an idiot dude. Actions speak louder than words, you're complete failures. We don't have to post 100 google screenshots to prove who we are in SA coz we're confident in ourselves. Stop boring us and send air peace to come take your filthy cousins out our beautiful country.

Ain't it funny how u lusting after HIV infested women. SA women are indeed Champions of Africa! But they won't dare touch a flat-head gorilla type like yourself. Stick to jerking off their pictures hushpuppi

So, SA women are HIV infested? Thanks for this information!

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pocohantas:
I just dey tell you, no dey rule out we oldies. Me sef no go like make you reach, you fit no wan go again.

@pocohantas I hail you ooo.

Godlovesyou28:
I type this with so much pain and sense of loss. I found out about two years ago that my step mum is not my real mum (everyone keeps wondering why am just waking up to the obvious).

I grew up being hated by my mum's (now step mum) family, usually beaten, overworked and deprived; but I was told that I was being trained to be strong since I was the first daughter by my mum (now step mum). At age seven I cooked all the meals except my (dads soups) and did all the cleaning. By age ten I cook every single meal at home, wash all the cloths and Iron, clean the house and run all the errands while my siblings both older and younger play and watch TV. I always felt my mum (step mum) will love me just a little bit more if I worked harder; she always told me I was special (and different) and that she loves me so much but does not know how to show it. . It hurt me deeply then that I was different so much so that its expression translated to pain; but that's in my past now and I have no regrets.

Fast forward, am all grown up and fully independent, then a distant relative I helped told me two years ago that my mum is not my real mum with facts. For me it was a relief (I thought there was something wrong with me that made me unloveable and to be treated different and given less, but I know better now). I am more confident knowing she never loved me and that it was no fault of mine.

Now, I just can't move on knowing I have a mother and I want to meet her and ask her questions (why she would dump her child for another woman to raise? Why she never came back to take me? Etc). And also if we could catch-up and be friends maybe.

The problem is that no one wants to tell me anything since most of my family members fear my dad and keep referring me back to my dad; I visited my dad and begged him to tell me who she is (I cried so much that he had to beg me to stop), he asked me to go so he can discuss it with my mum (step mum) but now shouts me down each time I bring up the topic.

I want to find my real mother . l don't know why I can't sleep or think about anything else. I need closure. I have been advised to sue my dad and am considering it. Please help me, I can't bear knowing I have a mother out there and not know who she is. Please help!

Hello dear! Yo need to take it easy on yourself. I believed you already understand that your dad doesn't care what happens to you. That was why he cared less about your threat of suicide.

But please don't harm yourself because doing that will be an easy victory for those who want your dead because your mere existence is a an headache to them. At the moment, you need to know that you and God are the only personalities that care about you. God will never disappoint you and hence, it is now up to you. Be kind to yourself, be positive, be realistic and less emotional. Don't allow the urgent desire to meet your real mum becloud your sense of reasoning.

For the short-term, be focused on improving yourself confidence and establishing your base. While at this, cut all communications with your dad and his family. Be prayerful, determined to be more successful and work at it.

At the moment, tell yourself that as long as your mum is still alive, you will reunite with her soon. And it will surprise you how this will come to pass in due course! Cheers!!!