flow1759:
“na me be Bee! I dey bite person and nobody fit bite me!” Bee entered 1759 viewing centre with a gun, “who be APC here?”

The ambiance was like the viewers were all on Intensive Care all of a sudden.

This happened in an era when PDP was on the verge of continuing its leadership of Rivers state for another four years and election was in few weeks.

Carry go

All of a sudden someone stood up and said, “we no dey PDP and APC thing here, na ball we come watch!”

“Who talk that thing?” Bee who was about to leave the viewing centre returned.

“Na me talk am!” Sammy affirmed.

What followed was like in the movies.

I saw wonders.

Bee shot at Sammy and the bullet fell to the ground when Sammy chanted some strange words.

There was stampede in the viewing centre and quickly Bee ordered his boys to shut the door so everyone would be witness to the murder of fetish Sammy.

“Today na today!” Bee boasted before speaking to his gun.

At that point my temperature had risen to about 750 degrees. I had peed on myself lying down. I had forgotten to save the “lives” of my TVs; saving my own life was more important.

Bee shot twice to Sammy, then from the corner of my eyes I saw Sammy dancing a funny dance while the bullets vanished.

Beside me was Eze saying “Jesus save us ooh!” Look who was calling on Jesus to save him; a f’ornicator.

Lying down by my right was Nas the messing machine who had farted and my lungs were packing up as a result.

Nas and farting dangerously when ever Bee came around was something else.



I remember one night when Chelsea played against Manchester United and the crowd at the viewing centre was something else so I needed at extra hand to control the crowd.

That was the night one slap would have killed Nas.

He was at the door while I was few centimeters away when Bee came.

“Oga enter inside!” He said to Bee.

“I no go enter inside!” Bee returned.

“Oga, I say make you enter inside, no block road!” He said.

“I say I no go enter inside, you know me?” Bee inquired.

“I no know you!” Nas have heard of the Notorious Bee but had not seen him physically.

“Okay, make I introduce myself, na be Dead body!” What an introduction.

“Dead body! If you like make you Dead pig, that one no concern me!” Nas returned, “just enter inside!”

The volcano eruption as a result of the slap Nas received almost caused me kidney failure due to the unending farts that followed.



Bee shot two more times at Sammy before he ordered his boys to bring him.

flow1759:
“Fishbone today na Flow birthday ooh!” Nas announced in the morning of June 23, 2019.

“ehen! Hope say him go celebrate am?” Fishbone needed to know.

“Oboy I no go celebrate anything ooh” I informed them, “No money for any celebration”

“Flow why you go talk like that na!” Nas said “Big boy like you”

“I no be big boy abeg!”

“Flow no worry I go sponsor us, make we go drink Brukutu for Bori camp” Fishbone offered.

Brukutu taken in Bori camp is five times as intoxicating as whiskey and vodka combined.


We sat at Madam Maimuna Brukutu, and as I took a huge gulp from my second calabash I began to think of God’s goodness in my life all these years; tagged "wetin baba God don do for Flow so far".

“Flow go buy suya come na” and indeed when this substance Brukutu is taken along it’s sister suya, it is heavenly.

“Buy suya 2500 Naira” Fishbone offered me money.


At Adamu suya stand, I met with the usual queue.

“Wetin this guy dey put for him suya wey dey make people dey rush am like this” I asked myself as I stood waiting for my turn.

Legend has it that Adamu sold us flesh from a dead human little wonder his meat tasted amazingly delicious - what business of mine was that, as far as I ate the meat with legendary Brukutu I was safe of any health hazard. Or so I thought.

“Adamu give me suya 2k, testing 500 Naira!” I thought it wasn’t me that said that.

“Which one be testing 500 Naira, you go say suya 2500 Naira!” Adamu corrected.

“No be wetin I mean, I want suya 2k and testing 500 Naira” I sure wanted to cheat my friends who were waiting for me to come with suya of 2500 Naira.

“I no dey sell testing” Adamu said.

“But na wetin I want, give me as I want am, customer is always right” I moved closer.

“Oga I go behave for myself ooh” Adamu made a statement that confused me totally.

“Behave! No wonder! I talk am say you get bad behavior!” I was speaking under the influence of Brukutu the destroyer.

“I dey mad? Who get bad behavior? Na me get bad behavior?” Adamu was furious.

“Na you say you get bad behavior na” Alcohol was having a filled day with me.

“I dey curse me fa!” Adamu came closer.

“Na you dey curse yourself na” My eyes were blurred

When a shinny dagger was pulled out my blurry sight saw HD.

flow1759:
“hold her well! Bring rope!” The pastor yelled.

“You why you no come hold am!” I almost yelled back.

'We Love Jesus Ministry" is a church where almost all the members were sure making heaven; You heard me, I said almost all, not all.


“She don bite me! She don bite meee!” I cried.

“Peter you have to hold her tight” I was holding a delicate part of her body; her br’east, soon she was farting.

A mad woman’s fart reeked of burnt beans mixed with over-fermented palmwine, indeed it was a rear privilege for me to perceive. Or so I thought.

I was bleeding and was losing grip of her.

At that moment I remembered a Nollywood movie I watched where Patience Ozokwor was bitten by her mad daughter inlaw and she ran mad.

It is common Nigerian belief that whoever is bitten by a mad woman would sure be mad - we grew up believing so.

“Am I going to run mad?” My eyes were spinning.
Soon our mad woman was no more struggling with myself and the assistant pastor who held her; she was calm.


“Sorry for your injury!” The assistant pastor said to me.

I was sure I would be a mad man in 15 minutes time or thereabout but wasn’t sure of the kind of madness journey I would embark on; the barking type, the na’ked typed, the barking and n’aked type, the dancing type or the snatching people’s food type.

My heart was beating fast; my voice sounded like I didn’t own it.

“Brother Peter let me clean your wound for you” an elder in church offered.

She dressed my wound and I smiled as I stared at the torn trouser of the assistant pastor, wait, did he e’jaculate while holding the back side of the mad woman, or was it urine, maybe my eyes failing me was part of the early signs of madness. Or maybe not.


As I crossed over to the other side of the road at Rumuigbo market junction thinking of what would happen to me should I hit the street mad, my phone rang, it was Nas, he called to ask me to come with my key that he forgot his in the house in the morning.

Nas,...Nas isn’t American neither is he a Rap artist but he could rap to the girls.


“grapjakanaghajhanakak!” I was speaking in an unknown language. Had madness come knocking?

“Flow you don dey mad ooh!” I told myself as I noticed my lips were dry looking at the side mirror of the taxi I boarded.

What would happen to my business? Would the madness eventually kill me?

flow1759:
I am back.

I am back to give you fun.

CAVEAT
The write up that follows is not in any form relating to any persons, group of persons or organization in reality but as a result of the writer's choice of name of persons, group of persons or organizations.

Be ready to crack your ribs and learn too. Or so i thought.

Centino:
Hello everyone,

I couldn't resist stalling until Sunday as I so dig the Sunday posting!

Go here for the latest https://katakatastreet.com/2022/06/19/two-as-one/

It's a big one as there was nothing midweek.

Enjoy.

Meanwhile, go get my second novel Cupboard of Skeletons available for download on the site. Trust me you'll love it. i'll soon start a thread where I'll drop snippets of it but mainly it's full length and complete and I want y'all to just go up to https://katakatastreet.com/ and get your copy. Here's what it is about...

Eweweta is a community in the throes of witchcraft. It’s shining light is Kadja Hata, a frustrated underemployed graduate of a foreign owned construction company, who is sought out by the controlling city lawyer Kalama Davies, father of five beautiful daughters, twenty-eight years after abandoning Kadja’s pregnant mother.

Kadja returns to the city with Kalama Davies and quickly lets loose a proclivity that triggers a chain of woeful events while being heralded as a national icon for a fortuitously discovered oratorical prowess he employs in political activism.

Grab your copy NOW!!!!

For now, find the continuation of the saga of number 225 Katakata Street here https://katakatastreet.com/2022/06/19/two-as-one/

Cheerio!

Centino:
FIRED

Mr Cosmas, Mr Kingsley and Jide accosted the strangers with the police officer.

“Gentlemen and ladies please how may we help you?”

“We got a distress call that two men were carrying out a sexual assault on a young lady in this compound. The children pointed to this door for us.

“Did you say two men?”

“Yes.”

Mr Kingsley and Mr Cosmas exchanged looks.

“Open that door and let me get out of here!” the band outside could hear a female voice saying.

The police officer produced his baton and began to club the door.

“There is no need for that officer. He will open the door,” Mr Cosmas said. “Please step aside and let me talk to him.”

“Efe you need to open the door now. The police are here. We are all here. There is no point.

“Police? How? I don become hostage-taker like this? Castro! See wetin you cause?”

“You people should go away. We are adults exercising our fundamental human rights!” Castro said.

“You will exercise fundamental human rights on your mother!” One of the girls that brought the police said.

“Which kind thing be this ehn? Castro! I swear if I escape this one your papa and mama no go recognize you again!”

“Open the door Efe,” Mr Cosmas said again.

Irikefe looked at Castro and then at Bunmi with eyes as soft as butter before unbolting the door.

Bunmi dashed to the side of the police officer. He shunted her to one side and hit Irikefe on the head with his baton. He cowered with both hands on his head and began to plead.

“Officer we did not touch her. We did not do anything to her. We were only holding a conversation.”

“Conversation? No more fiundamental human rights?”

“It is this idiot that said so but he did not know what he was saying.”

The officer slapped Castro across the face and he yelped like a puppy caught stealing baby food.

“You will both come to the station with me.”

Continue reading https://katakatastreet.com/2022/06/08/fired/

Centino:
Guys, I don tire to dey explain mehn! But una know say this life take style hard!

After I announced in December that I will be back this year I then thought that should I remove every encumbrance so that this time, I'll be back to stay. So I went away again to complete a novel I had been writing even before 225 Katakata Street which has always tugged at my heart even as I wrote the series. Set in the early 2000's, It's my own contribution to mainstream literature as I feel it would be impactful in the classroom. Adult classroom anyway It's all done now and so I can refocus on the series we love.

https://katakatastreet.com from where I operate these days is consequently under reconstruction and it will open with the new novel and Book 3 of 225 Katakata Street bound in one book for a small price. All episodes making up the book 3 will be removed and the series will continue with Season 2. I know I sound like a broken record but I never lied when I said this story will not end. How? It is only threatened by economics and I have never pretended about this. Still exploring means of making it viable even though I put a donate button on the site so that all those öh-Centino-you-are-so-good-let-me-bless-you people can stop making mouth and go and prove themselves Many do and I appreciate. Please find that button when the site reopens.

So guys, Yes I'm coming back. You will get the opportunity to see something else I've done, the novel titled "Cupboard of Skeletons" and then our inimitable and abiding Number 225 Katakata Street weekly as we are used to. I'm thinking different things as well which you'll get to know with time.

See you around.