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 Literature / Re: Who Is To Blame When A Child Has Sex Without Proper Knowledge - Live Debate by Tamar1: 12:52pm On Nov 26, 2012 |
Cuddlemii: Tamar1 is keeping everyone in suspense tamar wants mynd to do the honours  |
| Literature / Re: Who Is To Blame When A Child Has Sex Without Proper Knowledge - Live Debate by Tamar1: 11:59am On Nov 26, 2012 |
Tgirl4real: thanks . i viewed my profile and loved my history, i dont mind paying to keep being me |
| Literature / Re: Who Is To Blame When A Child Has Sex Without Proper Knowledge - Live Debate by Tamar1: 11:53am On Nov 26, 2012 |
Cuddlemii:ok thanks too |
| Literature / Re: Who Is To Blame When A Child Has Sex Without Proper Knowledge - Live Debate by Tamar1: 11:45am On Nov 26, 2012 |
 .... yippeee. cuddles, can i keep the name? |
| Romance / Re: ----- by Tamar1: 7:01am On Nov 26, 2012 |
LadyTC: it also entails helping the partner to be better and.drop some bad habits if possible. i didn't mean possessiveness. |
| Romance / Re: ----- by Tamar1: 6:23am On Nov 26, 2012 |
nice4life: thanks all for your response, I am learning a lot. no it's not a good yardstick, observe her more. a lady dat loves u wont take poo from u, she ll try to build u into a beta man bcz she wants d best for u. if she isn't trying to do dat, then check her well. eg if u r a habitual smoke and she doesn't try to correct u even though she hates smokes den she is prolly saying .... he can smoke for all i care, all i want is dat he gets married to me.... now dats not love. |
| Education / Re: 28 Interesting Facts About English Lang. by Tamar1: 12:38am On Nov 26, 2012 |
wow didn't.know motel.meant motorcar and.hotel..... wow 1 Like |
| Romance / Re: ----- by Tamar1: 12:21am On Nov 26, 2012 |
if she is desperate, she ll turn a blind eye to your faults, agree with whatever you say, do anything to please you ... infact she.ll allow.u have.ur way and make u feel her love is.tru and she.is a wife material. she ll do want.someone else.in love ll do but she ll over do it |
| Literature / Re: Who Is To Blame When A Child Has Sex Without Proper Knowledge - Live Debate by Tamar1: 12:14am On Nov 26, 2012 |
Boudicca:alright, good morning |
| Literature / Re: Who Is To Blame When A Child Has Sex Without Proper Knowledge - Live Debate by Tamar1: 11:57pm On Nov 25, 2012 |
Boudicca:[/color] u infer.that.wen.you say that govt etc comes into play only wen the parents are no more |
| Literature / Re: Who Is To Blame When A Child Has Sex Without Proper Knowledge - Live Debate by Tamar1: 11:52pm On Nov 25, 2012 |
[quote author=Boudicca][/quote] [/color] actually the responsibility lies first on the govt to educate the parents who inturn are enlightend and can teach and send their kids to sch. if u agree wit me that parents dont.know it.all, then u agree that teachers are more competent? |
| Literature / Re: Who Is To Blame When A Child Has Sex Without Proper Knowledge - Live Debate by Tamar1: 11:48pm On Nov 25, 2012 |
Boudicca: [/quote][quote][/color] now you are assuming that all parents are educated, wat about the uneducated uncivilised parents? when you talk about children and parents, do u segregate bw.d.haves and have nots, educated and illiterate? do u deny the influence of our culture dat admonishes one.on one discussion bw parents and children? before u answer may i bring it to ur knowledge dat not all parents are.civilized or do u blame parents for lagging behind in the civ process impeach the n chairman and promote.d lg chairman man, s circle repeats. it seems to me dat a better option ll be to utilize d lg chairman that has access to d masses |
| Literature / Re: Who Is To Blame When A Child Has Sex Without Proper Knowledge - Live Debate by Tamar1: 11:39pm On Nov 25, 2012 |
Boudicca: u haven't answered my.questions, are u saying that different scales should be used for kids with and without parents ? that they are unequal and should be treated differently? |
| Literature / Re: Who Is To Blame When A Child Has Sex Without Proper Knowledge - Live Debate by Tamar1: 11:31pm On Nov 25, 2012 |
Boudicca: ok. let me ask you, wat are the ways std's can be transmitted? wat is a contraceptive and its functions ? the fact.remains that issues concerning sexuality goes beyond sex and pregnancy . parents do not know it all and they aren't everyday slangs it's good that you agree with me that parents can source for info elsewhere. invariably, you, we are saying that.its the responsibility of the govt and media to educate the parent who ll in turn educate the child . inother words, govt and media and schools are to blame when a child engages in early sex |
| Literature / Re: Who Is To Blame When A Child Has Sex Without Proper Knowledge - Live Debate by Tamar1: 11:20pm On Nov 25, 2012 |
Boudicca: From Tamar1,u mean that a parent by virtue of the parentship knowa all about std's birthcontrol and its side effects? u wuld rather deny kids comprehensive sex ed and have parents teach dem d lil they know that have competent educators teach them? tell me, why do you feel schools and media aren't competent? do u deny that kids are influences by outside factors and modern tech which their parents are skilled on? back to first responsibility, do u deny the war between parents and teens and.the need for kids to do d exact.opposite of wat their parents tell them? do u deny the straines relationship dat exist bw them den? and that parents embarrassment dat der kid is growing up will not prevent them from teaching facts! abt d party officials, the one with the higher responsibility is d one dat has access to the masses, the grassroots so also do d media and teachers have.more access and attention of teens, children . [/color] |
| Literature / Re: Who Is To Blame When A Child Has Sex Without Proper Knowledge - Live Debate by Tamar1: 11:08pm On Nov 25, 2012 |
Boudicca: From Tamar1,u mean that a parent by virtue of the parentship knowa all about std's birthcontrol and its side effects? |
| Literature / Re: Who Is To Blame When A Child Has Sex Without Proper Knowledge - Live Debate by Tamar1: 10:51pm On Nov 25, 2012 |
Boudicca:[/color] who do u shift the burden to when a child is an orphan? the dead parents? do u mean to say that its ok for other favtors like sch to come into play only wen.d parents are no more? are you saying that different scales should be used for children with and without parents ? |
| Literature / Re: Who Is To Blame When A Child Has Sex Without Proper Knowledge - Live Debate by Tamar1: 10:47pm On Nov 25, 2012 |
Boudicca:[/color] so then.you are.saying.that a parent is simply ones biological mum or dad? that your earlier definition was wrong and nurturers and caregivers aren't parents even by default? |
| Literature / Re: Who Is To Blame When A Child Has Sex Without Proper Knowledge - Live Debate by Tamar1: 10:38pm On Nov 25, 2012 |
Boudicca: Tamar1 if i understood you well, u meant that parents have sole and.greater responsibility only because.they have the first responsibility? why do u think so? isn't it just like saying that national chairman of a political party has sole responsibility to the membersby virtue of his office and that.state chairman and l,g chairman who can better reach. the grassroots has no responsibility? they do not have the prerequisites because they arent qualified, trained educators and also their instinct to protect will prevent them from giving their kids comprehensive sex ed. besides they are bound to teach children wat they.feel is right thereby stripping.the.kids.of the views of diff schs of tot and ability to make informed choices . i am saying that all parents are not esucated and that the onwa that are doesnt qualify as competent sex educators coz they are engineers or accountants |
| Literature / Re: Who Is To Blame When A Child Has Sex Without Proper Knowledge - Live Debate by Tamar1: 9:50pm On Nov 25, 2012 |
boudicca if i were to agree with you for a nano second tha t parents are to blame, going by your definition of the tem "parent", are you not saying that government, schs and media arr.to blame since they are caregivers, protectors, nurturers and even counsel a and guide ? |
| Literature / Re: Who Is To Blame When A Child Has Sex Without Proper Knowledge - Live Debate by Tamar1: 9:45pm On Nov 25, 2012 |
[quote author=Boudicca] agreed, parents have the first responsibility but does.that mean sole or greater reaponsibility? no!! because they do not have the.prerequisites to continue sex ed. the child is theirs but doesn't belong to them, they belongs.to us all... we feel the impact and suffer the consequences, they are our children. the.one.who raises the child is called the parent not the.one who begets.it |
| Literature / Re: Who Is To Blame When A Child Has Sex Without Proper Knowledge - Live Debate by Tamar1: 9:11pm On Nov 25, 2012 |
boudicca pardon me, tried quoting you, couldn't .... qus 1: since its a quote, you might want to ask beauvoir. but bill cosby will tell you that raising a child is still a dark continent, no one knows it all, its a matter of luck and parents should nt be blamed if the child is led astray by other factors beyond their control qus 2: you wrote yourself that despite the increase in child sex, studies shows parents are teaching and that parents should be asked what they are really teaching right? well parents arent neglecting their responsibility, they are teaching like parents, shielding their kids and being passionate. they are teaching based on the little they know and was told by their own parents about sex. they have no new info, weren't born in their children's time and arent on par with current trends coz government .didn't deem it fit to educate them. they are not neglecting their duties, they are approaching it the best.way they know. qus 3: The bigger responsibility lies on the government and its agencies. why? because except in cases of child abuse, children engage in sex in their teen years when their sexual awareness is at its peak and this period is also.characterized by personality.crisis and teens want to be anywhere but near their parents. they resort to surfing d net, etc. the greater responsibility lies on govt agencies to ensure that wen the teen fails to listen to parents, no matter the direction she turns, she finds sex ed. there. qus 4: agreed, the home is the first point but unless u are saying parents should teach der day old child abt std's and pregnancy, i ll have you know that wen they start becoming sexually aware, and start socializing, the outside world influences them and can negate any ed. taught by parents which is why the media, and other external influence are needed . qus 5: teachers serve as qualified educators not reminders. they have the expertise, info and equipment to carry out their duties . parents on the other hand know lil or nothing. most do not know abt std's or that some can be gotten from kissing, dat contraceptives cant prevent stds so unless you are saying that parenting should come with set qualifications like been an expert on sex and health iasues, then no, teachers are more than reminders all i did was show that greater blame is proportional to greater responsibility and doesn't go to parents . thank you [color=#990000] [/color] |
| Literature / Re: Who Is To Blame When A Child Has Sex Without Proper Knowledge - Live Debate by Tamar1: 6:41pm On Nov 25, 2012 |
......its frightening to think that you mark your child merely by being yourself. it seems unfair , you cant assume the responsibility for every thing you do or do not do...... simone de beauvoir... Abstract With globalization, Nigeria is now abreast of the trend of events all over the world. This means the exposure of our youths to the influence of foreign culture. Today, our youths with the influence of foreign permissive culture have found themselves experiencing sex at a younger age than their parents did. Bearing in mind the different constraints faced by our society with which sexuality is treated, one finds that adolescents have fallen victims to the consequences of poor sexuality and sex education due to societal reactions to issues that bother on sexuality, I'm Tamar, I argue against the motion that parents should be blamed for teenage sexual activities. Good day Ladies and Gentlemen. This discourse views the task of sexuality as a function of the system of the society at large which includes the government, media and religious institutions, and not the sole responsibility of the parent, and the importance of sexuality education in the Nigerian school system as a panacea of preventing the social problems associated with child sexual activities. This is where the issue of responsibility arises, and who is to blame for a child’s ignorance on the implication(s) of engaging in sexual activities. Introduction Human sexuality has to do with the ways people experience and expresses themselves as sexual beings, and this encompasses a wide range of social activities and behaviors. In biological terms, sexuality involves certain degree of sexual intercourse and sexual contacts. In Nigeria and Africa at large issues about sexuality are always shrouded in secrecy because of cultural inhibitions, while parents and educators (government) place high premium on the education of children about life but would hesitate when issues concerning sexuality and sex education are mentioned. In a judgmental society as ours, giving information about sexuality and sex to children poses the challenge of choice of words, while issues of decency in the transmission of information are very crucial. The world today has become a global village with Nigeria at the fore front of globalization in Africa. Nigerian youths now have access to information which was hitherto unavailable to their parents when they were youths which can be attributed to the influence of foreign popular culture being imbibed and accepted as the norm by her youths. Recent studies by World Health Organization (2002) has revealed that most African youths, Nigeria inclusive now experience sex at an earlier age than their parents did. This view has also been corroborated by the studies carried out by Okonfua (2002) and Okpani and Okpani (2002) which showed a decline in the age of sexual experience from twenty to sixteen among adolescents contrary to accepted moral and cultural values. This no doubt portends a dangerous trend which affects the society at large. With the hue and cry about the menace of dangerous and incurable diseases as well as increase in teenage pregnancy and abortion in recent times, the burden thus exceeds what a parent/guardian could bear alone. Government, and media as important institutions of the society vested with the all important role of training and preparing the youths to be useful members of the society have both failed playing their roles, leaving this assiduous task to the parents, hence 'the African proverb, "It takes a village to raise a child", epitomizes the importance of the role of the wider community in raising children and young people’. It is expected that these institutions through collaborative efforts should have provided the necessary guidance through wholesome educational programs to ensure the survival of its future generation of leaders. Thereby preventing avoidable deaths from illegal abortions by pregnant teenagers and dangerous sexually transmitted infections. Definition of Terms For clarity purpose, I shall define the key words in this discourse— A parent simply put is a child's mother or father or a guardian. A child has been defined differently. The Children and Young Persons Act, The Marriage Act, The African Charter on the Rights and Welfare of a Child all defines it to mean a person under the age of 14, 18 & 21 respectively. However, The Child's Right Act standardized the age of a child to be 18 yrs in all matters thus; we can rightly assert that a teenager is also a child. Teenage period is a period when the child's sexual awareness is at its peak. This is the period of psychosexual developments between the onset of sexual maturity (puberty) and early adulthood, during which self identity, sex roles and relationship with other persons are defined by the young people. (Action Health Incorporated, 1996). Sexual education as defined by Alli in Mba (2006:85) is a: “Planned process of education that fosters the acquisition of factual information, the formation of positive attitudes, beliefs and values and the development of skills to cope with the biological, socio-cultural and spiritual aspects of human society” Sexuality education simply means the presentation of every aspect of the sexuality of an individual exactly as it is, and equipping the individual with all options there are to enhance a better understanding of sexuality in its holistic manner. This ensures a proper understanding of an individual’s identity as well as his total view of sexuality as it concerns religious beliefs, ethics, rules and regulations. Sexuality education ensures a better understanding of the influence of society on every day life. Thus, the ability to exercise self-control and determine one’s sexual behavior by conforming to certain principles as they concern sexual behaviors, are the bases of sexuality/sex education. In the opinion of Mba (2006:19) the following should constitute the content of sexuality education: Human growth and development Relationships Life skills Sexual attitude and behavior Sexual health Society and culture People often believe that ‘’sex education’ ’refers only to sexual behavior i.e. sexual intercourse and not the full array of topics that comprise sexuality, but it goes far beyond that. These include information and concerns about abstinence, body image, contraception, gender, human growth and development, human reproduction, pregnancy, relationships, safer sex (prevention of sexually transmitted infections), sexual attitudes and values, sexual anatomy and behavior, sexual health and orientation, and sexual pressure. Parents are not expected to be versed in all these, which leave the larger burden on the shoulders of educators (government) to properly teach to teenagers in a safe and nonjudgmental environment so that young people can learn about sexuality in a healthy and positive context, and the media through public enlightenment Parents as Sexual Educators Parents, especially mothers are regarded as the primary conveyer of sexuality education to kids, as well as the first source of contact to which teens should come in contact with sexuality issues. But in a country where sexuality education has always been viewed as a prerogative of the married or soon to be married in the society, most Nigerian mothers due to cultural limitations and inhibitions prevent them from engaging in sincere discussions about sexuality and sex with their children, it becomes assiduous for parents to bear the larger percentage of this burden. This agrees with the views of Durojaiye (1972:69) that the Nigerian society believes that knowledge of sexual topics will lead to moral deterioration of young people and ignorance maintains innocence. With a high rate of illiteracy in rural Nigeria, the task of placing sexuality education in the hands of these women is a dangerous precedence; hence, the only source of correct sexuality and sex is the school system. Appropriate information on sexuality and sex is a vital source of enhancing the quality of life of our youths, which they cannot be taught by their illiterate mothers. Also, since most parents hardly spend quality time with their children to discuss issues about life, little could be said to be achieved in that regard. This could be because our culture hardly encourages conversations between children and adults, talking down to children or ordering is a better accepted norm. Though some parents are more proactive in their approach to sex education, they however represent the minority. A recent national survey showed that eight in 10 parents want schools to teach their kids about sex education, an indication that kids aren't learning at home, only half of adolescents reported a "good talk" about sex with their mothers in the past year, and less than a third reported such a discussion with their fathers. This is where the schools (government) and the media become defined and onerous. If one goes by the multifarious social problems plaguing the Nigerian society in recent times, one will appreciate the urgent need for the government and other relevant bodies to wade in and give parents a helping hand in the appropriate education on issues concerning sex early in life. Allotting the Blame An early appreciation of the relationship between sex and health and a fulfilling life is of utmost importance since prevention is better than cure. Sexuality education reveals the intricacies of human physiology as youths gain a better understanding of the source of motivation both sexes, lust and passion of life. The dearth of information on sexuality has been the bane of our society. Without proper and factual socio-demographic characteristics of teens in the country, schools (government) lack the necessary ingredient (information) that would have served as a catalyst to curbing sexuality among teens. This would have formed a basic foundation of a lifelong educational process for the transition of teenagers to adulthood. It is in reference to the above that the greater burden falls upon the shoulders of the government (schools), the media and not the parents, through proper and adequate sexual education. Adequate information through a good sexuality education program that should have brought about responsibility in the expression of these teenagers sex life and responsibility in social relationships is therefore lacking. Who else is to blame for this if not the government, whose various agencies in health matters have been found wanting towards their duties and the media negating its duty of being the society’s watchdog. Inadequate or poor knowledge of one’s sexuality can evoke a series of negative outcomes that could stifle and permanently jeopardize an individual’s wellbeing and therefore useful contributions to the development of society. This is because inadequate information about appropriate sexual behaviors can lead to at-risk sexual behaviors which have grave consequences that can impact negatively on our socio-economic life. It can ruin a whole generation and render the whole country stagnant for a long time. Where else can a child learn properly the consequences of engaging in illegal sexual activities if not in a school since teachers are usually equipped with the right tools to teach children about difficult but important matters of sexual health/sexuality. This would have been achieved by schools providing proactive, continuing sex-education programs that start early and continue throughout high school, an education that would be age-appropriate, providing the necessary information in a gradual, natural way that corresponds to each stage of development. But the government has failed to provide schools with the necessary framework on which sex education would thrive, and well trained educators in the field of sexuality. This has created a huge void between teenagers and the type of information they receive which parents have been grappling with to fill. With the world now becoming a global village media technology such as TV, MOBILE PHONES and the INTERNET has become a veritable tool of passing across information. These technologies without proper and strict regulations have left many parents unprepared for the challenge on how to regulate and monitor their child’s time with such technologies, exposing them to dangers of media effects with regards to viewing of explicit adult contents such as; pornography. In this wise, by directly linking the consequences of teenage sexual activities to media effects cannot be overemphasized. Conclusion With the sheer number of school dropouts among females due to unwanted pregnancies and ill health lends credence to the need for a sound sexuality education in our schools and increase in unnecessary loss of lives through STIs, abortion and poor care during pregnancies are also consequences of improper or poor sexuality education. Nigeria cannot continue to live in denial and isolation of other parts of the world, by solely expecting parents to bear the larger burden. Nigerian youths now experience their first sexual acts at an earlier age than their parents without adequate preparation and exposure to correct information like their counterparts in other cultures that are more sexually expressive; it therefore behooves on the government and media to properly educate these teenagers. I say, schools (government) and the media, not the parents should be blamed for the consequences of sexuality in adolescents through lack of proper and adequate sexual education both in schools and the society in general. If this can be done, teenagers will develop the right type of attitudes about their sexuality if they are properly educated to do so. Government should as a matter of urgency make sex education a full curriculum subject in schools, while the media plays a backup role to the government by making use of its medium (TV, Magazines and Internet) to enlighten the public. Thank You. 3 Likes |
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