₦airaland Forum

Ah! Aiye! Awon aiye! World people have quenched such a bright star. RIP. May God comfort your family.

I had a terrible reaction to Fansidar in 2007. My whole body was like that of a burn victim. Worst parts were my lady parts. Kai. Get better soon dear.

gunther6:
Oga don't go and enter one chance. Book, go to any bank branch with the booking confirmation containing your Booking reference and payment reference form. A teller (Emirates branded) will be given to you for payment, make sure you wait, get your printed receipt. You will get a confirmation and your ticket under 24hrs. That interswitch online payment portal held my money for days before I was refunded.

Thanks alot

Has anyone used the interswitch/paydirect method to book Emirates airline flights ticket? or is it just best to go to their office?

Has anyone used the interswitch/paydirect method to book Emirates airline flights ticket? or is it just best to go to their office?

The comments here are very funny.

Its clear to me that people don't even know what the test for genius is. Is it memory or comprehension? Who told you all that being able to read numbers 1 to 500 makes your child smart?

The world doesn't need more blind robots for creative, innovative thinkers.

creativity is genius, comprehension and articulation are the indicators of brilliance not rote memoriam of numbers.

You are crippling your children when instead of firing their imaginations you are burdening their brains to recall stuff they are actually meant to learn almost accidentally.

Education will continue to fail Nigerians. Smh!

collynzo2: Those are women whose pûssy have not been massacred.

Dude you know women don't urinate out of their p_u_ssies right?
I don't see how it affects a womans ability to pee standing

cantell: Nikkykay, Teemilo and co,
if you ladies like, jump up and down like a popcorn in a frying pan. Fact still remains that the *sweet angels* you're all raising now are born out of wedlock and the word baastard is the right term used for them(derogatory or not).
Stop crying foul! No be person say make una date douchebags.
Next time, try dating mature guys who take responsibility for their actions.

A derogatory term is a right term?! How in d world?

Nigger just quit it!!
U can't admit to insulting a child & at d same time ask d mother not to cry foul!

jidewin: And must all 'quickies' or 'lovers weekend' end up with pregnancies??



The issue here is not about the promiscous act but the status of women raising child(ren) without their father for reasons outside the demise of the man.

If the boy/man wouldn't want to be responsible,then why have a child for him and face the societal criticism?

This comment is the most outlandish thing I have ever read.
"Why have a child for him and face the societal criticism"

Quick answer because I am brave, courageous&full of love. Society be damned! I didn't ask to get pregnant but God forbid that I will kill my baby because his birth offends the sensibilities of some hypocrites.

My son was unplanned but not(even for a split second) unwanted

By the way,no one had a child for 'him' he might be the biological father but that does not make him God!!A child is a blessing&a responsibility from God&i had a duty to bring him to the world, his father will answer for his own actions.
It so crazy how some men think sha...

TheCongo: The dictionary defines the word bastard as follow:
Born of parents not married to each other; illegitimate.

So, why all this fussing and fighting whenever someone use the word bastard in reference to children born out of wedlock.
TheCongo

Mister man, the dictionary defines 'bastard' as a derogatory word used to refer to children born out of wedlock. It is not merely a descriptive word but an insulting word. A similar word is the word nigger, it means black man but its a derogatory word which connotes slavery and inequality.

Everyone knows bastard is an insult, its ridiculous to see that adults feel no shame or remorse insulting innocent children and can even attempt to justify it.

cantell: Fertile indeed! A round of applause! Better still, get yourself a trophy!
Postionor works within 120hrs and not 24hrs.
Even if it doesn't work, there are still drugs that can still stop you from getting pregnant.
It's not my fault you're so naive and ignorant. You should have known the consequences before jumping into bed with someone.
I can only commend single motherhood if the woman is a widow or divorced(with good reason).
Any child raised out of wedlock can never have a complete childhood.
Regardless of how good, hardworking and intelligent the mother might be, that child will always be a Bastaard in the eyes of people. That is something i wouldn't wanna live with.
So, don't brag about being a single mother, it's not an achievement and it never will.
If you truly want to be a good mother to your child, when she grows up, advice her not to make the same mistake that you did.

Olodo rapata, you are attempting to lecture me about something you know nothing about! There's nothing u won't see in NL.
Postinor should be taken within 72 hours of having unprotected sex but it has abt 90%(its highest rate of) effectiveness if taken in the first 24 hours.

What have u just written that here? If postinor2 doesn't work there are other ways to prevent pregnancy? Ignoramus of the year!!
How will u know postinor didn't work except ure already pregnant?!

Thank you for your comment and for displaying that there are worse things than being raised in a single parent household eg having an ignorant buffoon as a parent, pls continue making me feel superior... LMAO!

cantell: Chei! See the way these silly ladies are parting themselves at the back cos they had a child out of wedlock.
Any woman who gets pregnant for a man who she's not married to, is a complete congo!
Some even had an abortion and yet it didn't teach them a lesson.
They still got pregnant again and held their head high like say na achievement!
Whats the purpose of pills, condoms and other means of preventing unwanted pregnancy? No be to avoid belle?
Abortion is even the last resort.
Some of these silly women deliberately take in for a guy in the hope of keeping a brother down, but God knows it doesn't always work.
When a guy rejects their baby, they come to Nl and talk about how good it feels to be a single mother.
Always remember to narrate the both sides of the story.

Complete congo! ! Really!
Contrary to what happens in your village, a lot of women are still very fertile! Therefore all it takes is a broken condom to get pregnant even after taking postinor within 24hrs.
I should know because that's exactly what happened to me.

I am so irritated by all these simpletons that go around saying people deliberately get pregnant because they can't understand not planning&praying&fasting before they can conceive... Some of us are just super blessed with fertility and its a lot to be grateful for.

Regardless, I just wish many more pple will realize that instead of focusing on the pregnancy story, its better we choose to focus on the parenting story, no matter under what circumstances d situation arose, every1 raising a child by his or herself deserves commendation&encouragement.

Apparently some people 'think' this disrespect of single mothers is d way to discourage others from going down that route... its shouldn't be funny but this NL.

The incredibly dense will always be with us.

Apparently some people 'think' this disrespect of single mothers is d way to discourage others from going down that route... its actually funny but this NL it isn't surprising.

The incredibly dense will always be with us.

My original post was quite clear I want to travel with my son my bf thinks its unnecessary hardship.
So I can here to ask and from responses so far I can see that my mans reasoning isn't so out of it.

Thanks a lot to everyone who has contributed so far esp those who remembered to be nice&choose their words carefully, May you all reap fruits of kindness when u need it.

So yesterday my man&i had a long hard talk, made a few compromises and made the following decisions.

1) We try all options for scholarships, this will greatly reduce d financial burden on him&i will be able to travel with my son.
2) If that doesn't work I will have to travel by myself. He believes we can get two maids to live with my mum&son. Promises to check on them weekly and all that. We hope to win my mum over by prayer&gifts b4 d time comes.
3) I will have to postpone my program till we can all go together. He is due for a sponsored Masters in his organisation. If he gets it this year, then we will go together with my son. He was actually amazed that I thought he suggested we both travel without my son.

To those asking about marriage, he hasn't exactly asked but keeps dropping hints.

To those asking if I can believe his promises,i am learning to trust him because he is so open with me. After all I have been through, my trust is hard won.

I have the keys to his home&i go and come as please. Infact recently when he had to be out of town for 2 weeks he left his house&cars in my care.

I hope he puts a ring on it b4 I travel sha but I am really enjoying this period...
Thanks again everyone.

mollytinrox: The most annoying thing about this is that 99% of the people typing trash here don't even know nada about what they are saying.

If you don't take your chance now, you may regret it. I didn't say you should take your child back to his father's people. I asked if a relative could help out with your mom and son.

And please, analyzers of life, you don't shit what you're talking about here. I had the choice of going to learn a trade and taking my son everyday. And I could have done part time so I can be with him, but for how long?

See, Teemilo, these people haven't worn these shoes, how can they know?

I read someone saying she allowed herself to get pregnant? Really? Are we talking morals here?

These mods sef, *apologies to Tgirl*, you watch people derail a thread and do nothing.

If you like, sit back and be nursing your son forever. When he asks you what you were doing while your mates were achieving their dreams, come and ask for help on NL again.

#all the best.

My dear, if I decided to respond to all the nonsense here, I would have discouraged people who had realy good advice from posting on d topic.

Its unbelievable how some people want to force their opinions down ur throat when they don't even know the whole story...

Imagine d meat heads, I came talking abt Masters&PHD, they came out saying work hard for your money... That's how u know people who have never done any academically challenging exercise. How can u not know its work of the hardest kind.

Or saying m giving up my son for money, if money was all I cared abt, won't I be pushing him to set up a business for me so I can sit in Nigeria&luxuriate.

I am determined to pursue my dreams&gifts and I know its incredibly competitive out there, I might even end up pursuing a PHD in a totally different country from where I get a Masters&they r shouting get over there with ur son &see first.

My dear co-traveller, we must be the best we can be in this life, so that when people push statistics before our sons to try to tell them they can't have exceptional lives we will say, "I did it in spite of everything, u too can do it"

Cheers.

jidegirl12: It's a NO brainer Mr ?? Children are Responsibility hence Baggage that you carry along with you wherever you go and I don't mean to the washroom......

To be regarded and venerated as a responsible and intelligent parent ( that you just mentioned as a mere thing) , you MUST be accountable for your kid ( under 18) as long as you don't have a disability of any kind that puts the kid in danger. ( I have disabled clients with children so what gives??)

You know what I'm not up to this lovely evening? arguing for argument sake, I need to tend to my premeditated baggages right here ( going biking) you can keep aro using her bad choice all you want cos that's pretty common here , I'm just rooting for the little kid dazzall!

You have been rather obnoxious on this thread but I have chosen to ignore you because I almost feel sorry for u. It is apparent that ur hard life has made u quite bitter.

Since ignoring u hasn't worked I need to tell u this,You need to stop harassing people who come here to post just because they don't see the need to be as disrespectful&uncouth as ur uncultured self.

My son doesn't need u or any one else to root for him, he has a great mother.

It was me not you or any other crying-louder-than-the-bereaved over sabi on this thread who loved him from the moment I knew I was expecting.
U didn't face scorn and choose to have ur child anyway.
U didn't spend three days in labour giving birth 2 him.
U didn't carry him on ur back and walk to the hospital in d middle of the night when he was ill...
I don't need any1 online to tell me I am a great mother, my sons smile everyday is more than enough.

I have given up a million things to be a single mom but by the grace of God my academic dreams won't be one.

Its not my fault if ur "baggage" has slowed u down.
Get a shrink, deal with ur anger, get off this thread.

bellong: @OP,

Your son is in his formative years, hence proper care must be taken in his handling. Caring for a child goes beyond giving him food which is the only thing you have put into consideration from what I have read so far. Are you sure the grandparents you "plan" leaving him with will be able to instill real values and morals into the boy as you will do? The parents who couldn't instill sound moral values in their son that impregnated and abandoned you in the first place, how well are you sure they can do it now?

I understand your fervent desire and dream to becoming a professor. By the way, what was your first degree on and what grade did you finish with? If you finished with a minimum of second class upper, I know you can get full scholarship for Masters/PhD in USA, Canada. You may probably get funding in Europe, check with DAAD in Germany.

In all the plans you want to do, I will advise you not to scheme out that innocent boy. If your boyfriend does not want to see him now, what assurance do you have that he will accept him later? If he sincerely loves you, he must plan for your son along with you.

May God help you with your decision but remember that your boyfriend must be able to accept your son with you before you can fully trust the guy. It is well with you

Thanks a lot for your prayers. I had a second class upper in Crimonology& have actually been offered two scholarships in d Uk in the past, my challenge was in raising the funds to meet the living expenses requirement.

Full scholarships in my field are extremely rare. I will focus my search this time around on the US and Canada like you have said.

As regards my boyfriend accepting my son, I want to assure that I won't even be with this man if I didn't know he loves my son, I take my duties as a mom very seriously.

Its just that my bf is convinced that my travelling initially with my son is unecessary hardship for the both of us. He also believes that it will also make it less likely for me to get a visa because the financial requirements for travelling with dependants are much higher.

touchmeder: My friend brought her son to the uk and guess what had a distinction at the end of the day. No kidding...

planning preparation and more planning. You sure can pull it off.

Wow, this is inspiring. I wonder if there's any way I could contact this friend for practical advice&specific details relating to childcare and visa requirements for travelling with a child.
If there is I could PM you and u give me her contacts via email.

Even if u can't, thanks for this post, m inspired.

nikkykay: Sorry with wot i read up dre i can see she has made up her mind alrdy.
There is no point.
Wish u all d best OP

i have already stated many posts ago that i have decided to pursue a Nigerian Masters.
i was only explaining the train of thought that led me to even consider giving up custody, thanks alot for your posts on this thread.

baby_123: Get away with your fake post. Tired of indulging your lunacy. *yawn. If you have a problem with the truth. Then that is your issue. But you have serious issues. Why not give the boy up for adoption? Seriously this is my last post to you. I am agressive? How? Because i told you to make your way? Madam intelligent, that is such a mountain for you to climb What a joke.

On this thread alone you have called my bf a little sh*t, you have told me I have no bussiness dreaming dreams, you have said I am unintelligent &immature&shouldnt have a child, now u call me a lunatic, YET U ARE AMAZED that I call u aggressive?
I have so many words for you but I wasn't raised to insult my elders.
Please keep to your words and stay out of this thread

I really can't pick on all of the above post so I will just try to address the issues I feel have been raised repeatedly.

The first will be:why can't I travel with my son?
My son is young&yet to start school, to the best of my knowledge free public education starts at age 5&thereabout, that means if travel I will have to pay heavily for private preschool+childcare afterwards if I decide to work.
If I persuade my bf to sponsor us both, I fear for what will happen if the relationship hits the rocks&he stops sending money.

If I am by myself if something like that happens it will be a lot easier to cope if all I have to worry about is myself.

So the way I see it my only real options are stay in Nigeria or travel without my son.


2) Why am I considering sending my son back to his grandparents after the last time.

The last time he was there, he was younger&was not really eating solids properly.I guess they tried to wean him forcefully. You know how old people think every child should be content eating amala and ewedu everyday... Anyway, I think that explains( but does not excuse tho) how skinny he looked when he came back.

If I ever intend to leave him there&travel,i will definitely stock their house with his favorite foods that would last at least 3mnths, I will also make sure my younger ones visit at least once a month with provisions&to check how he is doing.

If travel next year, he will be already four, it will be easier for them to care for a four year old boy than a two year old baby...
And I definitely do not think they went out of their way to maltreat him. They threw him a first year birthday party (even though the date had since passed) he came home with several toys that he got as gifts.

Infact my real fear is that they won't give him back to me when I get back into the country.

I am yoruba&yoruba families don't joke with their first sons.

baby_123: I pity you. You are in no position to have a child or mature enough. You are desperate and you have issues. Clearly not as intelligent as you are trying to sell us. You need a man to obviously provide for you. You have so much faith in a man that has been your boyfriend for 6months. Small wonder how you fell into the hands of your baby daddy. yawn*

Madam, there's a word for agressively insistent women like you.
This is public online forum, I definitely won't start reeling out all the things that make me feel safe with my bf or the circumstances that led to my being a single mom.

Just take ur over sabi self off my thread.

nikkykay: My dear, u r just going away for like 20months and u r son is 3yrs already. Hmmmmmm i dont want to say or see it dat ur bf of 6mths doesnt like dat ur son but r u willing to give up ur son again?
Is it possible u travel with ur son? If its not possible then can u take him to ur mum and get a nanny u can b paying 20-30k every mth to look afta d boy & ur mum. This salary shld come from ur pocket and not from d man. Discuss ds with ur bfie and see his reaction first. If he agrees, fine> If he doesnt them fashy him and his money. He will know how much u value d life of ur son
Am sure ur mum is not dat weak dat she wont b able to see how he is been taken care of. She will always b dre as well to caution any bad character. That boy is still growing and he needs motherly love which can only b given to her by ur mum.

There are so many things I try not to say to maintain privacy...
The truth is what u suggested was my obvious first choice but I was shocked when my mom categorically said she won't take care of him.
I presently live with her&my son&we have a maid who comes and goes.
My mom says if travel I should take my son with me...

baby_123: I wonder why you bothered to even start the topic when you are so sure of yourself. Plus you know so much about something you have never experienced to try to lecture me, which is schooling abroad. Families move abroad, mothers with their kids. Since you don't have anyone you trust with your boy, then you really have no business dreaming these dreams. Like I said, make your own way. The day you annoy the guy, he gets tired of paying your school fees or things change financially for him. You are going to be on your own abroad. Running helter skelter. You think school fees abroad is that easy? Please abeg, laugh at your level of reasoning and do some research. What does this boyfriend do by the way? Since he is going to be in uni with you, where is the money going to come from? Or is it his daddy's money? This sounds like a fake story sef. OP, do what you like.

You are in NO position to tell me what dreams I can dream. And what my man does or how he intends to raise the money are details not neccessary for the disscussion at hand.
You tell me to make my own way&at the same time warn me of what will happen if my man stops sending me money...

Ujujoan: Which of his Grandparents and relatives? Thought you said your mum was ill and your siblings were too young

Anyways, I see your mind is already made up . . I hope you make the right decision for yourself and for your child.

But ask yourself this one question . . . if your boyfriend were to be the boy's father, will he still ask you to do the same thing

His grandparents ie his fathers parents.

My mind is not made up at all, I am still so scared and confused.

I know that if my boyfriend was my sons father he would v sent us both out of d country because he can afford to, but I don't think the fact that he refuses to do so makes him selfish.
Its his money afterall, he has to be careful how he spends it on someone who isn't his wife...
Sigh!

@biolabee, thank you so much for your words.

jidegirl12: @baby .....very very disheartening , my supper taste bland reading replies .... a whole child to please a man you just met 6 month just cos of MONEY??
This is what poverty in Nigeria has resorted into?

OP do you know that you're ( & your son) automatically granted permanent residency in Canada as soon as you're about to finish your postgraduate programme?? Your kid is entitled to everything (childcare,healthcare&Education) free of charge?? You get child entitlement monthly for his upkeep ( no income) and You will forever be his hero.

Don't sell yourself short at the detriment of a precious innocent child please in name of 'oppurtunity' , what will be will surely be.

Raise your child yourself and get him ( boyfie or whatever you call him) out of your brain cos he's brainwashing you.

Now dis post I find most baffling!
' A whole child because of money'
What does this mean, did u read anywhere that the child was being sold into slavery or left in an orphanage or abandoned at the roadside or something?

I am considering leaving him with relatives his grandparents specifically who definitely can't love him like his mother but will at least take care of him.

And how is it because of money? is that all u see really, MONEY? did I say my boyfriend wants me to give up my son before he buys me a car/house/business?

This is about education and empowerment. And giving my son a chance at a better life.

And if u read my initial post u will realize that I was also considering canada...

Which brings me back to the original question even if I get a full scholarship, I will still need a heck of a lot of money to fulfil the visa requirements for living expenses for myself&a child won't i?

But on the other hand,when I successfully finish d programme&get permanent residency won't it be easier then to bring my son into the country??! Which is exactly want my boyfriend says I should do.

baby_123: I wonder why she would have a child in the first place if he is so disposable for any man that comes her way. Maybe the child was a tool to get married, and since that didn't work out, she wouldn't mind pushing him in a corner and "moving on" like her boyfriend calls it. Na wa o. Kai, that the guy can even open his mouth to say such, shows how you have placed yourself in front of him, and also how you regard your child. If you were not contemplating it or having second thoughts you wouldn't come on here to post this. If you think a man will respect a woman who can so easily dispose her most prized possession for money, then you are really deceiving yourself. A time will come when you will be totally washed for this.The day any man tells you, that to succeed will mean abandoning your family and running off with him to have access to funds or help just because he has money, will be the last day you should set eyes on each other. Anything you want to achieve, you can do yourself through dedication and hardwork. You don't need anyones money or conditions. You know how to make use of a computer right? Get to work and start planning your future.You better dump that lil sh*it you call a boyfriend and get a life for you and your child. Learn to workhard without laying on your back for a man to feed you. You get more respect for you and your child that way. SMH.

Well it won't be a NL thread if someone didn't insult you.
Madam, I know several people who have travelled out for studies,hustling etc and they all left their children behind. Does this mean their children are disposable. Its because its not easy travelling with dependants,life in a new country is tough&full of uncertainties, its just smarter to wait till ure settled then u bring ur children.

I know there are women who leave their children from past relationships because of a new one but if u were not in such a hurry to judge you would have realized that this is not the case.

It is my dream to be a professor not my boyfriend's,I am perfectly content with getting my degrees in Nigeria but my man wants to give me the world.

I refuse to be ashamed that I am considering letting someone pay for my graduate degree, I am just twenty five y should I be ashamed that I don't v 8 million naira.

And don't u dare talk to me about hardwork and dedication, I work hard everyday to take care of my boy&my sick mother.
You have no idea what my life is like Madam..

mollytinrox: I'll advise that you weigh your options carefully, using myself as an example.

I had my son just after secondary school, and I wanted a degree by all means. This meant having to leave him with my old aunt and forge ahead. There were times I came from school and noticed he wasn't the way i would have wanted. But I decided to be strong, because that's the only way a better life can happen for the both of us.

Now, we are as close as peas. I can provide for all his needs, but this wouldn't have been possible if I didn't go back to school.

Find a relative or someone who can care for your mother and son.
Don't take him to his father. Neither him nor his new girlfriend will care for him like you.

Lastly, ask God for direction.

I am really inspired by your example, I know it must have been really difficult leaving ur baby with family members but u did it any way.
How did u cope with the guilt&pain of being apart from ur child?
Does ur son hate or resent u even a bit?
Its just so hard sometimes

bettymafy: I donot see your boyfriend as selfish. I understand his position perfectly. He has your best interest at heart. Truly, u might regret it if u end up not achieving your goals. And to think he agreed to sponsor your studies even when he isn't married to u yet. . . He must really be a good man who has a good head on his shoulders.

Now, to the crux of the issue. . . Does your child's father live alone? Is he single or married? If he lives alone and can afford to cater for him, then by all means, let your child stay with him. I doubt he will maltreat his own son except he is the devil himself.

Another option will be your family members. Your siblings, uncles, aunties e.t.c Is there any one of them u think can take care of your child? Someone you know would not maltreat your child.

I totally understand the mother's love thingy. Wanting to make sure your child is always ok and well taken care of. But sometimes, one doesn't have to put everything on hold for her children (that is if there are other options).
And usually, the earlier one sets out to achieve these goals (especially academics) the better.

Please, consider the options u have carefully. If u feel u can't trust anyone u know to take care of your lil one, then u have to stay put and maybe do your masters here in Nigeria and travel later for PHD when he's much older.

Goodluck dear.

My childs father is in d military, lives in a barracks&his very unstable, he is in no position to care for him.
Its his father's parents that I am considering leaving him with.
I don't have any family members, my siblings and cousins are much younger and I don't have a close knit extended family.

I have already told him that I can't travel right now that I will focus on getting a Nigerian Masters/or online degree&he has agreed albeit reluctanctly.

However, I wonder if I am making d right decision. opportunities like this don't come everyday&if things go great my son will v a better life because of it.