cantell: Nikkykay, Teemilo and co,
if you ladies like, jump up and down like a popcorn in a frying pan. Fact still remains that the *sweet angels* you're all raising now are born out of wedlock and the word baastard is the right term used for them(derogatory or not).
Stop crying foul! No be person say make una date douchebags.
Next time, try dating mature guys who take responsibility for their actions.

A derogatory term is a right term?! How in d world?

Nigger just quit it!!
U can't admit to insulting a child & at d same time ask d mother not to cry foul!

teemilo:

A derogatory term is a right term?! How in d world?

Nigger just quit it!!
U can't admit to insulting a child & at d same time ask d mother not to cry foul!

You dont need to reply. Just ignore!
Since you know ur child is not whom d society terms him to be.
All is well

Hello peepz,i hope am welcome to bare my contributionwell honestly this is a very critical topic,everyone is right some how,but first single parenthood especially motherhood is never an easy situation or rather condition,children should be brought up by a combined contribution and effort from both parents,cases of death of spouse is completely exempted in my analysis here in,for instance giving a very realistic instance,my mum grew up with her dad,despite the fact he was a politician and a minister of God,my mum turned out d best mum ever,if u judge d situation and conclude since her mum passed on early that she wud turn out a bad mum,then its a wrong notion,nd in d same case a male child/children can also grow up wit just deir mum and end up great dads.so i dnt fink single parenthood has any bad effect on opposite sex child,once u train d child properly.i must encourage every lady who is in an irreparable abusive relationship to quit as urgently as possible.wen u die in an abusive relationship because of shame people will call u names(a fat fool),''she died out of stupidity for a useless man nd left her kids''and wen u liv because of the abuse they will still talk,so y dnt u liv wen u can,so as to be able to stand for ur kids.i will make refrence to MONALISA CHINDA who will all knw as our great star nd a role model,she suffered abusive in her first relationship nd almost lost everyfin dat made her who she is,tnk God she took a bold step nd walked out on d relationship,now its rumoured shes currently with LANRE NZERIBE,who is her everyfin.nw tell me fellow nairalanders,would it hv bn better she stayed out of shame nd died in pain or is it better she walked away and checked next door?d sooner we got over this stupid shame of single parenthood the better for our young ones because honestly children raised in abusive relationships(even if their mum sticks nd is managing)the kids grow to b extremists,either introverted(anti social)or extroverted(violent).but ironically children raised by single parents or even orphans end start off knowing they hav competitors and people watching nd end up great personalities.i stand to b corrected.

What is ironic is that a lot of married women are even living like single mothers when we have so many irresponsible men who would rather be in a beer palour with prostitutes than at home raising their kids, some would even rather spend money on their mistress than pay their children's school fees. How many Nigerian men actually play an active role in raising their children? So in actually fact most children are raised mainly by their mothers even if they are married. Also for those talking about the kids not growing up well it is a lie, majority of Nigerians were raised by 2 parents yet just take a look at society and you can see how parents failed. Most of the corrupt politicians, thieves, rapists and what not were raised by 2 parents. It is even better for a woman to remove her children from an abusive home rather than stay and let her sons turn into abusers and the girls will end up also marrying abusers since that was what they saw growing up.
The important thing is for a single parent to surround him/ herself with good friends and family who can offer support as well as good role models of both sex.

Most of the amazing men I know were raised by single women by the way. They have great respect for women as well as a strong sense of responsibility. Most of them had to grow up faster than their peers and learnt how to be responsible at a very early age. In fact 2 of my friends married to men raised by single mothers say they make the best husbands. So to all the single and married mothers out there please raise up good men, teach your sons the importance of responsibility and respect for women so they'll become great husbands and fathers.

tatiana009: What is ironic is that a lot of married women are even living like single mothers when we have so many irresponsible men who would rather be in a beer palour with prostitutes than at home raising their kids, some would even rather spend money on their mistress than pay their children's school fees. How many Nigerian men actually play an active role in raising their children? So in actually fact most children are raised mainly by their mothers even if they are married. Also for those talking about the kids not growing up well it is a lie, majority of Nigerians were raised by 2 parents yet just take a look at society and you can see how parents failed. Most of the corrupt politicians, thieves, rapists and what not were raised by 2 parents. It is even better for a woman to remove her children from an abusive home rather than stay and let her sons turn into abusers and the girls will end up also marrying abusers since that was what they saw growing up.
The important thing is for a single parent to surround him/ herself with good friends and family who can offer support as well as good role models of both sex.

Truth, nothing but the truth.

tatiana009: Most of the amazing men I know were raised by single women by the way. They have great respect for women as well as a strong sense of responsibility. Most of them had to grow up faster than their peers and learnt how to be responsible at a very early age. In fact 2 of my friends married to men raised by single mothers say they make the best husbands. So to all the single and married mothers out there please raise up good men, teach your sons the importance of responsibility and respect for women so they'll become great husbands and fathers.

Best advice so far.

some-girl:


Better to commit murder than face "societal criticism"?

Much better to PREVENT having child(ren) who may be denied family values in the context of father,mother and child than raising ones that are without. I also want to believe you know what I meant by prevention,contraceptives, and not abortion.

teemilo:


This comment is the most outlandish thing I have ever read.
"Why have a child for him and face the societal criticism"

Quick answer because I am brave, courageous&full of love. Society be damned! I didn't ask to get pregnant but God forbid that I will kill my baby because his birth offends the sensibilities of some hypocrites.

My son was unplanned but not(even for a split second) unwanted

By the way,no one had a child for 'him' he might be the biological father but that does not make him God!!A child is a blessing&a responsibility from God&i had a duty to bring him to the world, his father will answer for his own actions.
It so crazy how some men think sha...

Good you find it outlandish. Let it be. If you have a child for someone whom you have no plan to raise a child with clearly defines you.
If you had a rancour with your baby father,deal with it as a personal error. For you to have referred to your baby father as 'not a God' was the exact give away from your responses. No "loving" woman who wouldn't refer to her OWN man as a God sent and a great partner.
Preventing unwanted pregnancies far outwieghs abortion. You know that and its undeniable.
Obvious you have issues with this guy and automatically has made you have distrust of men.A first year student of psychology would deduce this from your statements here. Agree It wasn't 100% your fault and at least you have a child to console you. Nurture him as much as you could,but every child needs a father figure.
Now if you think this is also crazy,you need serious laying on of hands.

geoger: No woman would love to raise her child or children without the help of the other person.but what if something happened along the way. here is my story, plz I need ur suggestions becos I don't know what I am becoming.my husband and I got married traditionally. we traveled abroad together, we lived as husband and wife for 8months, he bought a ring for me and for himself. our pastor then bless us as husband and wife, so we still live together for another 2Months before I became pregnant. all this while I never knew my husband has a problem of abuse. I was six months pregnant when we had our first quarrel. I gave birth to a baby boy. my baby was 2Months, when he beat me for no good reason he abused me verbally. due to the place we r staying I don't speak the language and their is nobody to run to I stayed with him and the abuse continued, when I call my parents they will only talk what he tell them is what I don't know sometimes they will even blame me. so that make me to stay for years been abuse by the man I love. after five-years we came back to Nigeria. we stay together for months and he left me and the children and went back although he sent money for our feeding. he came back after one year to rent a house for me and the kids. he stayed two months wit us. he will be aside the whole day coming back home sometimes 11pm. his phone never rest, women call him when ever.he still beat me up becos I answer his phone a lady was calling him around 10.45pm, and he is sleeping, she called 3times the fourth one I answered it.so the following day he without and came in and started beating me again this time in public.becos we live wit other people in our compound, some married. now he has traveled again for months now living me and the kids again. together with the shame of embracing me in the public, he even broke my phone. the told my little brother that he is go to marry another woman. my problem now is the way one woman use to talk to me. we r not quarreling but she will be talking to me indirect calling me a single mother. asking my son where is the father it really gets me angry. so plz for those of u out there who understand what am going through, plz do make ur contributions.I even saw a condom in his box.

My sister,you have endured a lot.I am not one of those who would 'advise' continue to stay with someone who is un-repentantly abusive and Its a good thing he's not always around. Been abusive is not a gender specific related issue but a mental state of emotional instability in INDIVIDUALS be it male or female.
My candid suggestion now is you create a vision for yourself which will add value to your child as well. Being a woman doesn't mean you can't have a personal vision and career for yourself. With focus,hard work,vision and prayer,nothing is impossible.Feel free to relate with me and there's a matured sister on family forum who is equally good at counsels in such cases.her ID is "devour129".Careful how you relate with some here who goes around with past emotional abuse and refuses to let go.

nikkykay:
Dnt mind ds ignorants
Society my foot
Society is not responsible for my baby so why shld i care about society.

And in this context you and those that reason like yóu are the ignorants.
Can you raise a child in isolation and outside society?.How yóur child relates and behaves in the society is a direct pointer to his/ her upbringing. Besides,I stand by my point to which you openly admitted on this forum "you made a mistake".Would any of yóu here singing "single motherhood" as if its an easy concept and culture raise your daughters to become single moms??.
Prevent unwanted pregnancies with irresponsible boys/men than aborting or raising kids for or with them,Period. Why is that so difficult to comprehend?.

If your choice is to have a child without a father figure its clearly YOUR CHOICE but be prepared to face the consequences in future. And if you made an error,strive to learn from it and prevent a repeat.

9jamum: What’s the single most difficult aspect of single parenting? I know, we all have our different answers as the individual challenges differs from state to state and country to country. I complete agree with the fact that a role meant for two mates now belongs to an individual is enough to break one down with enough stress to last a life time.

However, despite what you read from the media and hear, being a single mother is not all bad news. To encourage our beautiful strong single mothers out there are these tips to becoming a great single mum help ease through the journey.

1.Maintain a relationship with God.
Whatever your religious inclination, talking to your God through prayers and reading your Holy Bible, Quran etc will only require a few minutes or hour of your time in the day. Doing this will refresh your soul, give you inner peace and renewal, hope, especially if you are facing different challenges.

2. Seek out role models:
Single mums and her child(ren) can flourish. The first step is to make a list of other single mums or children raised by single mums who inspire you and refer to it as whenever they are going through a difficult day. The world is amazed how Obama turned out good from such a background.

3. Find a work schedule that suits your life style and family.
Do not be afraid to express your needs to your employers by telling him or her you are a single mum / parent. Most of them will understand and assist you in getting a flexible work schedule.

4. Do not freak out over things beyond your control –  if your child’s father promises to show up unannounced during an event at your child’s school. Do not loose your beauty sleep over it. That’s his wahala not yours!
5. Do make out a ‘me – time”.
Being a single mum is hard work, so you deserve time off every now and then. When you create free time for yourself, you can enjoy going to the salon or spending time with friends after having left your child(ren) in the capable hands of either a baby sitter,  another single mum friend or neighbour.

6. Be yourself.
Do not compete with yourself. This is because, nobody is keeping scores on the unmade beds, unclean breakfast dishes and toys scattered about on some chaotic morning. Please, focus on doing the most important things to avoid lateness for you and your child (dren). These include bathing, getting dresses, having breakfast and leaving for school/ work for both you and the child(ren). You can always get back to doing these chores later.

Finally, this tend to reduce or completely take the pressure off you whilst spending more quality time with your child (ren).


www.singlenaijamum.com

Tip number 1.Before you even think about being a single mother,establish a SOLID business!Just my 50 kobo.

To be a great single mon you have to be smart if not you will just be like the rest who struggle. Take advantage of the new economic trends. In other very important news, alright Pips Naija is goin cashless n we mst embrace it. Send [REG fullname&003106] to 20220 for MTN&Airtel. Glo send to 31030!!!!!!

3RNEST: i don't think we have single mother here in NL, so no need..

There are single mothers here in NL and I am one of them.its not by choice,its a circumstance beyond my control

tatiana009: What is ironic is that a lot of married women are even living like single mothers when we have so many irresponsible men who would rather be in a beer palour with prostitutes than at home raising their kids, some would even rather spend money on their mistress than pay their children's school fees. How many Nigerian men actually play an active role in raising their children? So in actually fact most children are raised mainly by their mothers even if they are married. Also for those talking about the kids not growing up well it is a lie, majority of Nigerians were raised by 2 parents yet just take a look at society and you can see how parents failed. Most of the corrupt politicians, thieves, rapists and what not were raised by 2 parents. It is even better for a woman to remove her children from an abusive home rather than stay and let her sons turn into abusers and the girls will end up also marrying abusers since that was what they saw growing up.
The important thing is for a single parent to surround him/ herself with good friends and family who can offer support as well as good role models of both sex.

Bless you jare. Know someone whose Mother was very abusive even though the husband stayed the marriage was a constant civil war.

The lady wanted to get married and the husband was raised by a single Mum, now this lady was severly afffected by the violence she grew up with, it took this young man and his singlemother mom a lot of patience love and care to calm her down and show her true love which opened her heart and mind to what love and family is about.

All of a sudden the mother starts going on about the husband being from a broken home and it will not be good for her daughter to marry him and that she and her husband had been married for donkey years bla bla bla. This was during the introduction, the girl lost it and opened a whole can of worms, talked very painfully about the memories she had of the "happy home" and all the abuse she had endured breaking bottles on her head, tearing her vagi-na, pouring pepper in it etc as a child, all the abuse her father had endured, yet because they manage to put on a show for the public the mother felt "above" the single mother who raised her son well and peacefully.

My own is parenting should be done well, and a healthy environment should be sought for the kids, if being together is toxic for the child then let a single sound parent raise them.

Good write-up! But it would have been better, if we use our writing skill, to encourage getting married and maintaining a good home for the sake of the children and by extension, the society.

ephee:

There are single mothers here in NL and I am one of them.its not by choice,its a circumstance beyond my control

Sorry babe....i'm single father too...old post shall pass away!

3RNEST:
Sorry babe....i'm single father too...old post shall pass away!

Happy for u.all d best

ephee:

Happy for u.all d best

you 're welcome dear, gimme a mail next2design[at]gmail.com let's have a word!!