Dear Mum, (…to the mothers we lost)


Emotions are meant to be expressed but I can bet every one of us have a particular emotion attached to an event in our lives that we hardly want to talk about. We smile when people share stories similar to ours and when we witness event that reminds us of that special event in our lives we just walk away the scene or smile like what we see has no effect on us.

I visited a friend recently and we got talking about the usual things guys talk about. Money, the girls in our lives and “hustle skills”…We suddenly found ourselves discussing the importance of our mothers to us, a topic I hardly discuss because of its emotional effects on me, he was so touched by his mother’s recent activities on how his life will improve and he started showering accolades on her, he gave me a lot of gist about how wonderful she is and told me stories of her uncommon love for him right from his childhood.

This is not the first time I will be in such situations and I kind of don’t mind such discussions, it is just the after thoughts I do that get me below my usual happy-funny guy mood, I have seen guys of my age and older guys sef hug their mothers and tell her how much love they’ve got for her, several times when we go broke back at the university I hear pals tell me “if popsy lock-up, I go follow mumsy yarn she go unlock him jo”, For me what I miss must about my Mum is her closeness to GOD and the singular fact that when things gets tough I will have an extra sack of confidence that “Mama Dare” is somewhere praying for her son.. That how my mum was… And that’s how every mother should be.

I wrote her a letter sometime back and every time I try to publish it, it gets to me on my weak side, her demise is an event I hardly want to discuss and I don’t fancy the idea of self pity or soliciting for pity due to an act of God, I just want to be me, the son of Mama and Baba Dare, that funny guy with the grace of God as his Only weapon, living, loving and learning as much as I can while also trying to manage whatever I have in; my emotions, experience, talent and skills to the best of my ability.

I just wrote her another letter and I want to send it to her through your minds, if you are reading this and if you will be kind and patience enough to help me read to the end, you would have helped me fulfil a dream and I will be forever happy because you would have definitely known how wonderful she was and that is plus one person wishing her a peaceful heavenly rest… Thanks in anticipation.

“Maami,

Quite a while abi? Probably you even thought I have forgotten about you since these years, ehn…? Olohun maje…! No day goes by without the serious thoughts of you in my head. How could I ever…? You know your son now… Things were just a little rough after you left but the thoughts of you and the love God has shown me kept me going. I know you are resting peacefully in the blossom of the lord and that again is another source of joy and happiness for me to forge ahead.

Do you know I dream of you often? In my dreams I see you in that beautiful place that the Almighty has provided for you. I even feel you smiling down to me sometimes saying everything will be okay, but seriously Mum , it’s been difficult without you around but I always pray and pray for you too, I miss you every day and my heart still hurts like it was yesterday. I and my siblings talk about you anytime we get together, at Bukola’s wedding we sat through the night and shared stories from our secret archives about you and your uncommon love; we teased ourselves with your angry motherly voice and said some prayers for you too. How nice it would have been to have you around to witness the great day… But it’s all good, we love you but God loves you more.

Maami, I miss you o, I miss coming to you for solutions to problems I caused and some that I was clueless about, I just realised that you did not have solutions to all those problems too but you made them your problems and told me not to worry that everything will be fine, I believed then and I felt better hearing those words. I miss the way you read the bible in Yoruba fluently and coined it into prayer points to pray for me and my siblings, I missed you standing up for me whenever I was to be cheated and I remember your words daily just like you said them back then… “Dare, don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you are nobody, everybody is either somebody now or going to be somebody someday, so walk with your chest high, your head up and remember the child of whom you are…” After which you will give me a pat on the head, hand me my lunch pack and pace to your shop while I run behind to catch up with your giant strides.

I miss your smile, I miss your special delicacies like, Yam porridge with vegetables in it, the rich “Efo riro” and that Beans and the well fried palm oil sauce to go with it… You still remain the best cook ever… I miss the way you just seem to know the answer to every question and I miss your advice and the way you scold me. I miss those Christmas chicken and those special moment when you are frying the Chicken and you pick one to taste then I look at you and smile sheepishly with series of winks, you act like you don’t notice me then you take another bite of the chicken just to spite me and pass the rest to me with a teasing smile even when I was no more a kid, you see..? I still remember.

Dearest mum, I have changed o, I am not stubborn again… okay, I am less stubborn now, I am not suppose to lie to you, I’m sorry but I still stammer sha… (Lol), so sometimes when I try to talk fast and I stutter people say I am getting angry and you know that is what gets me angry o. I have this picture of you and me at my graduation party at New Era Nursery and Primary School Ilorin, every time I look at that picture I hold back tears, that was the year I got my “Double promotion”, even though we were not the richest and didn’t wear the best of cloths, you stood my me, gave your best smile and showed the world you have a promising son in me. Even my class mistress had to ask if I was your only child then, I told her “No”, but that is how proud you are of each one of kid’s achievements, I hope she learnt from you that day.

I was with your husband recently in Ilorin and we got talking, he warned me not to marry two wives and prayed for me not to ever experience the loss of a wife, he told me how he met you and how both of you built something out of nothing. It is obvious he still misses you, he spoke passionately about your love for God, praised your strength, emphasised your courage and admired your business prowess. He told me to seek those qualities when I decide to take a wife too… And that is exactly what I am doing, I will be getting married soon and I won’t disappoint you with my choice of a daughter in-law… I will surely write to tell you about her and send you a pictures sef…

We are all fine, though it is not yet Uhuru but all your pretty daughters are fine and your handsome sons are doing good, we are all working now except for Bukola that just graduated and the twins your babies that are still undergraduates, I know those boys miss you dearly. It is a confirmed gist that they both have a picture of you in their wallets and they look at it at uncountable intervals. As for all your grand kids, they will never know in person what they missed in grandma but we are all doing a great job telling them your stories and they love you for sure…

I thank Almighty God everyday for giving me a mother like you and I want to thank you too mum, thank you for allowing me be a reality, I have heard the story of my birth, now I know I am here for a real reason, thank you for the advice and the lovely meals. Thank you for the joy, happiness and companionship you gave me on those special days when the whole world seem wicked and I felt alone, thank you for standing by me on days when I did bad things and I felt no one will stand for me but I ran to you and you stood up for me, though I later got the beating of my life behind closed doors. Thank you for encouraging and believing in me when the whole world thought I could not come out of my challenges a winner, thank you for the doggedness, the beautiful heart, and the conscience I inherited from you and Dad. Mum, thank you for the beautiful memories you left behind, thank you for everything… Thank you.

I have stopped trying to hold back the tears in my eyes as I write this letter, I will just let them flow, fall and spread on my writing pad, then I will keep it forever as a piece of my undying love for you and an invaluable treasure, I will read it often and God willing I will show it to my kids.. I love you mum, there is no way I can pay you back for all you did for me but I will continue praying for your gentle soul to rest in perfect peace.

Maami, Iya Bose,
Iya Bola, Iya Ibeji…
obinrin bi okunrin,
omo ijesha osere onile obi,
ijesa tio’ridi ishana’
ile lomo owa ti n mu na’roko,
omo owa, omo obokun,
aya Olanrewaju,
iyawo iyeru okin olofa majo,
Abake lede yoruba,
Meimunat lede hausa,
Beatrice lede oyinbo,
Wura temi…
May your gentle soul continue to rest in perfect peace.

Uncle Dee The Baby-Sitter “precious Trouble”

The couples sneaked out of their home to avoid the usual “I want to follow you” cry from the kids just as I arrived from my all night friday party, I wished them a safe trip , dragged myself inside and fell on the sofa, I was in dreamland in no time, sexy girls at the beach in bikini dancing around me….

The dream was about getting interesting when I felt something drop on my body and heard a little voice shouting.. “Uncle Deeeee.!!”.. I opened my eyes… And saw my youngest nephew, Precious..

“Hey.! Young P,” I sneaked out of my mouth,

“Uncle Deeeee” he sang again.

“How are you?” I asked

“Am fine, where is my mummy and My Daddy?” he requested with a sombre voice.

“They have travelled” I answered.

“Travelled? To where Uncle Dee?” He asked again more sombre this time..

“They have Gone for a party in your mummy’s village” I answered. Getting tired of the questions, I stood up and ordered him to go and brush his teeth but he continued..

“Party? Uncle Dee, is it big people’s party?”

“Yes oooo, Precious…., big people’s party, and they will be back tomorrow” I answered anticipating his next question, I stood up and headed for the bathroom.

“Where are you Going to?… Uncle Dee.!” he questioned running to catch up with me,

Arrrgghh.. “I want to sleep this boy leave me now, Haba.!.” I murmured to myself.

I went into the loo and locked the door, then the boy knocked and called out to me again..

“Uncle Dee..! Uncle Dee..!! Are you there!!!?,

I made no sound as I sat on the toilet sit dozing. Then he shouted again, louder this time….

“Uncle Dee.!, should I go and wake pelumi.!!? Should I go and wake my brother.!!!?” He requested.

I answered him with a low “yes”, listened to be sure he was gone then I sighed with relief, I opened the Door gently so he won’t turn back again. It is less than an hour into this Job and I want to resign already.. “Which kain pikin be dis one my God?”..

I helped the boys brush their teeth, selected cloths for them to wear and cooked breakfast, the vote to eat noodles for breakfast was unanimous and I was glad, what else can I cook? Well, I can fry “Dodo” and boil rice with eggs too.

We ate breakfast with alot of noise, “stop talking”, “sorry” “don’t beat your Brother” and “I will beat both of you oo” were some of the phrases that echoed as we ate. After breakfast they requested to watch cartoon network and I gladly concurred, anything that won’t make this boys kill me before I finish this job plus I need to sleep like M*D!!!

The ringing of my phone brought me back from dreams’ville..

It is Nkechi calling..

“Hello Nki?”

“My love, where have you been?” She questioned

” Have been here and there oo my sweet “porero”, but I am at my elder brother’s house in Ogba now, he travelled with his wife so I’m baby sitting his kids”

“Ok, Ogba is close to my place nah, I am at Ojodu now, abi should I come and help you baby sit ni, shey you never miss me?” She protested

I told her have missed her and asked her to start coming…… We ate rice for lunch and I used the opportunity to inform the boys about Aunty Nkechi, I told them she’s my cousin to avoid further questions and begged them to be nice to her when she comes.

Nkechi was looking so cute when she arrived, A sky blue polo shirt, black pants and her hair packed like we were still in the seventy’s, “shuku style”.. Wonder what girls call this style this days… Precious ran to her, gave her a hug to the thigh and started the interview..

“Aunty Nkechi, are you my Daddy’s cousin too?”.. Nkechi almost gave in but for my quick intervention..

“yes Precious, she’s your Daddy’s cousin too but she is tired now, you will talk to her later” I cut in..

To avoid further questions and give me room to feast on my prey, I ordered the boys to go finish up their assignments in their room while I “watch Tv” with Aunty Nkechi, pelumi left with ease, complementing Nkechi that she looked beautiful, correct boy.. but that Precious, he made me promise him his “Ben 10″ wristwatch again before he left.. That boy? he too do..

Nkechi was telling me how much she missed while my two hands were busy, one on her waist and the other rubbing the upper frontal region… Then I heard Precious call my name again..

“Uncle Dee, pelumi is sleeping and I have not finished my homework oo”

“Okay, Precious you too go and sleep, we will do it before we sleep tonight, Okay?” I said, trying not to show my anger to the boy.

“Noooo!, Uncle Dee, my mummy say that we should not do our homework in the night again, she will beat me if I do it in the night oo”.. He answered..

“Don’t worry your mummy will not know, I won’t tell her, you hear? Oya go and sleep too” I walked to him and lead him to his room.

Now back in business with Nkechi, my hands were busy again and my lips taste like her lip gloss after several rounds of passionate romance sessions, we were in the middle of another round of kissing when Nkechi suddenly broke loose and pointed to the dinning area.. It’s Precious again, looking at us and smiling sheepishly like he understood what was happening.. Maybe he did sha..

“Now I believe them send this boy to me ni, Haba.! can’t I just enjoy sometime with somebody without this little thwart disturbing me? Walai make I die if I buy this yeye pikin any “Ben-10″ watch… “Ben 10″ ko “Ben-5″ ni”… Ahh.! Kilode.!!!

Nkechi left with the promise to see me in my house the following weekend, since “Nephew Precious” don refuse us sometime to “colabo”..

Still angry at Precious but can’t show it to the boy, I sat and watched a re-broadcast of Arsenal’s match against West-brom, it brought smiles to my face, Thank God we made it to the Champions league next season Make “Le’professor” sha buy Players for summer transfer window, we need to win something next season.. Our enemies prophecy don dey come true.

After the match, Precious and Pelumi requested to show me their own choreography of the song; Oliver Twist By D’banj. I was still angry but out of curiosity I sat back and asked them to start the show..

Just imagine two young boys of six and Nine years old, dancing all Nigerian dance steps you know, Alanta, Suo, refined Galala, Azonto and a bit of “Lebete” and “Labata”.. It was so funny I joined them in the craze.. We danced till the people at Power holding did their usual holding of electric supply,

“Awww..! Up Nepa”, little Precious screamed with deep disappointment.

It was fun after all sha..

I slept in the boys room that night and motivated myself to be a father soon.. Kids her fun but sometimes too curious and naughty. Abi I lie? .

I was cleaning the kitchen on sunday morning when Pelumi came in, he helped me with the house chores while we discussed about school, food and his parents, I was frying “Dodo”, when Precious walk in with swollen eyes..

” Uncle Dee is Aunty Nkechi coming today?” Was his first question.

I told him she wasn’t coming again and told him not to let his parents know she came oo.. They both promised not to do “ofofo” because is bad.. Just like I told them.

My elder brother and his beautiful wife returned home later in the afternoon, the kids were asleep and I was cooking lunch, the atmosphere erupted as the kids heard their parent’s voice and I felt relieved, “Thank God” I whispered to myself.

The couple retired to their room and I packed my thing to return to my house, work dey on monday.

The couples thanked me in kind and cash as they walked me to my car, then Precious asked his Dad if he could say something..

Oya talk I said, not knowing I just signed my own death warrant …

“Daddieeee, your cousin Aunty Nkechi came yesterday oo and Uncle Dee was using his hand to touch her breast and putting his mouth in her mouth For a long time… Anyammaaa….! mummy, is it Good to do like that?”

OH MY GOD!!!, I didn’t believe what I heard, what in the name of God was that boy thinking, “Olofofo somebody”.. I wished I had disappearing skills at that moment..

“It is not what you think” I blabbed to the couple and quickly slipped into my car.. As I drive home, I began planning my revenge strategy for that boy; Precious.. And I will surely revenge. Surely…

Present score after first round..
Precious a.k.a. Young P – 10points
Uncle Dee The Babysitter – 0points

Watch out for “The Return of the Baby Sitter”.. (TROBS)
Revenge mode activated….

EDUCATION IS NOT ENOUGH

Education as defined by dictionary.com is “the act or process of impacting or acquiring general knowledge, developing the power of reasoning and Judgement, and generally preparing oneself or others intellectually for a matured life.” I have gone through this definition a couple of times and I can’t still find where Education as promised to provided wealth or riches, it promised mental development which is a tool for success not success has we have been conned to believe. I remember my mum used to say “you better read your books if you want to somebody in life”.

There is a particular lecturer we all didn’t like back in my undergraduate days, he was termed terrible, wicked, emotionless and ruthless by students, we even called him some “unspeakable” nicknames, but like a dead clock that tells time correctly twice a day, his words could be deep sometimes. Which makes me advice, since we all have the right to like and dislike anyone, I suggest we listen to words spoken by anyone cautiously.

Mr Paul Sailas (not is real name), was an infamous lecturer in my department back then at the university, he came into our lecture hall one day and got irritated by our lousy, youthful and thoughtless acts, looking at us like the lost generation that we seem to be he started a sermon that has forever been a part of my life.

He start by asking us what was Good about the morning when we greeted him then went on, let me just write his word has I remember them…

“What is making you happy, why can’t you just sit down and think, some of you are wasting your time here and you don’t even realise it, some of you have been psychologically hypnotised that once you finish university you will start working, money will start flowing, you will marry your sweetheart, build your dream house, then travel the world and live happily ever after. Well am sorry, in as much as I pray that life and destiny favours all of you, some of you will have it easy and for some the road will be rough, infact some of you won’t even make the journey pass a particular point before you are called back by the supreme being,”

At this point all of us murmured a little prayer for long life and prosperity.

Still angry with a lot of concern written on his face he continued..” I have seen some of you’s grades, read your scripts and listen to you talk. I can’t help but ask myself, what some of you are doing here, what the hell happened to vocational skills and talent development, some of you have got great talents and intuitive skills but have lost the ability to develop it to your undivided love and bais for western education, I am your lecturer but do you guys know I have a farm? Yes, I am a farmer, I plant cassava and sell in to Companies, I also have a shop were I sell stationary, I know people that have far less education than I do and they are doing better at the same business I am doing, some of them still come to me for advise on how to run the business I met them in, Do you know why?”

We were all quite at this point, as the sermon was already having effect on all of us. He continued..

“It is because of the education I have acquired, they think I know it all because I have used my education as a developmental tool, I have use it to adjust my thinking and discovered new and modern ways of farming. I am doing my own business in style, I don’t sell my cassava to middle men, I sell to companies and make my money, now they all want to link up with me and sell to the companies too.”

He stopped cleared his throat and looked round the lecture hall like he was looking for an offender then he continued his mind broadening sermon..

“I want you all to think and reason well, life after you leave the wall of this university isn’t going to be all smooth, so I advice you all start now, or remember what I am telling you now and use it
when your journey tilts towards the rough edges. Start thinking now, what can you do more than every other person? What do you have a passion for?, what do your parent do that you can develop and take has a career? What is lacking in this school, your area, your state or even in Nigeria that you can provide a solution for?, that is what education will do for you, it will open your mind to think better and make better decisions but it won’t bring Dollars and Pounds to your door step”

he concluded by showing the Academia that he his by referring us to the theory of management, he said: ” some of you are what we call the theory Y, in management theory, you will wait till you start losing, or scolded or ordered before you act and some of you are the theory X, pro-active, smart and sharp at the edges, no matter what, you all should decide and get your acts together because, no one will tell you this but the truth is Education is not Enough.”

Several years after this sermon and a lot of further acquisition of Education, this words are as real as it was spoken. Look around you, heaps of jobless graduates on the streets and more are been let loose every quarter of the year by the Nigerian Government after the compulsory one year youth service programme while those that have previously graduated are still under-employed or somewhere in Europe, Asia, America or The North Pole struggling to survive, I took a bike recently and the rider told me he is a graduate. “My guy, wetin man go do, man must survive” he consoled himself as we yarn.

I have friends who do white collar jobs and still find it difficult to live comfortably after spending three quarters of their present life getting Education. They work 9a.m – 6p.m and still struggle to pay bills, our engineers are cashiers, marketers and tellers in the banking hall, our chemist and micro-biologist are selling insurance and our Doctors after spending a decades to get their certificates are underpaid.

Discipline of study is not important anymore, Everyone just want a place to go to everyday. Something to call JOB, the pay isn’t much of a discussion, just employ me. Modernised slavery is the word. Let the capitalist hear this, we are making money for you treat us right…

Don’t get me wrong, and I am not a critic of Education, I won’t be able to write this if I wasn’t Educated and I know people who have made a lot of money from working after their Education, people build Schools and employ staffs, it helps reduce the jobless graduate on our street. I have met people who will always thank the idea of Education for what they have achieved in life but let’s compare the percentage to the number of people on the streets struggling.

All I am saying is, let’s re-visit the idea of Education, how can we better enforce, impact and absorb it, Education is necessary has a tool for general knowledge acquisition and human intellectual development but not a ticket to success and Wealth in its entity, it is a tool to be used to achieve a plan and not the plan itself.

Developed countries are already changing how Education is been impacted and absorbed, their society has realised the unique benefits of developing talents that is why they are at the forefront in sports, creativity and entertainment to list a few fields. Lets emulate them, at least that is what we did to absorb Education, lets copy them again and build a better future, a future based on talent development and entrepreneurship skills, a future where Education will be a tool that helps develop sustainable human capital and a better nation.

” The idea of Education should be, Get Education and use it to achieve this and that, not get Education and be this and that”. Oludare Afolabi.

Thanks Y'all... *singing* Ori mi Wu oo Ela gi mo... Lol

e mail : oludare.afolabi@yahoo.com
Twitter: @lordribey

Episode Fourteen - LOVE MARRIAGE AND FRIENDSHIP.

I have never seen my Anike so beautiful, she was looking like a million dollars, the last time I saw her like this was in a dream, I saw her on our wedding day looking graciously beautiful, her pathway to the altar was littered with beautiful golden roses which perfectly matched the yellow embroided tail of her wedding gown. Anike was the definition of Royalty in that dream…

Today my Anike is dressed in a sleek black gown that ended just above her knee; her beautiful spotless skin was nsync with the meticulously carved Deola Sagoe piece, one of my numerous gifts to her. The firmness of her breast was a wow sight and the sight of her cleavage would send shivers down any man’s spine. The simplicity of her make-up complemented her child-like smile. I almost knelt to ask her to marry me on the spot but “James Bond no dey rush”, she graced the black gown with a yellow shoe and bag and the heels of her shoe sef na elele… it is not easy to be a fine, enterprising and intelligent guy, see as Anike dey roll her curves just to remind me of her hotness and protect her interest like say na me be Bill Gate. Anyway I will fight for her too if I have to… again, I know Anike is not dressed to impress me alone but to also send a message to Funke Salman that she is the rightful owner of this handsome dude; My humble self “EDWIN BABATUNDE ALEXANDER” as it was Sunday and we were visiting the Salmans.

I have prayed to God not kill Wole for me o, I have again borrowed his car for today’s outing, in fact I think I will just buy this car from him since na me dey kuku use ahm sef… but what are friends for, atleast the guy too dey bring hin “you must chop my money” babes to my house and they will eat my food, use my stadium to the play match and sometimes the guy they borrow boots for the match sef… what are friends for? We are even jare...

I had decided to wear a black pants, my pink shirt since that is Anike's favourite colour and bless it with my black mauri shoe "jejely o", but madam Anike had a different plan, she said our dressing must be complimentary, we must look like a couple, "shey you are going to impress another person ni" to use her words. So I finally left the house wearing a yellow Hawes and Curtis shirt, a black pants and a black suede shoe.

Off course we had a discussion on how I must behave when we get to the Salman's, or should I called them Madam's threats...

- I must sit beside her and not opposite her when we get to the Salman's.

- I must not leave her alone with Funke at any point and I must not be alone with Funke Salman throughout the visit.

- I must not make any form of joke about our relationship. Even if it is not an embarrassing thing and...

- I should allow her be my wife, meaning; she is in charge of my well being for the day...

I sighed and said okay, after reciting a little prayer for “the spirit of my mother's head” to follow me so I can survive today. I know Anike can be a jealous lady, she doesn't play with anything that will take her man from her, on the other hand, I understand Funke to be the simple type, her intention is not to take Anike's husband but to talk to her newly found brother freely and I personally need Funke to make the money I will use to take care of Anike, so dearest God help me to help this two ladies to understand themselves... In fact I became so scared at a point and I started feeling sick but "Man na Man" and "E.B.A nah Boss Man... No shaking".

I locked the door to my apartment and complimented Anike again, I said;

" You are the best thing that ever happened to me and you look so beautiful today I feel like the luckiest, richest and blessed man alive" and planted a kiss on her check...

She gave me a soft smile, followed by the “talk to the hand” sign and replied;

"Ahh Babatunde... Your mouth is just too sweet, is this the first time you are seeing me? Don't flatter me joo".

I know you guys don't know My Anike like I do, anytime you compliment her and she plays it down, sing a victory song in your heart because you have planted a "Boko Haram Bomb" in her head and the head is swelling already, just pray it doesn't blow "patapata"... on my side that compliment was a bribe too, so I can make her happy and enjoy my visit to the Salman, it is also a compulsory assignment I must do... I cannot count how many fights we have had just because I didn't compliment her one time or the other.

We were on our way and Anike's choice of songs were motivating, the songs were flowing and I understood how she felt, Anike was following her man to go and close the dream deal, which will usher in the blessing of a dream pay, a dream car, a lavish apartment and off course the vacations... Now, I know why She became a disc jockey in the car, she started with the popular gospel tune... "Koso ba bire... Kosi Baba bire... Koma solorun bii re... Igwe..." Then moved on to other thanksgiving songs, she even played 9ice's "wedding day" and sang along while looking at me most of the time... Womaaaaaannnn....!!!. She danced all through the trip and signalled me to join the happy moment at intervals which I gladly did. You don't want Anike's "wahala" on a day like this, she won’t shout at you o, but you won’t her to be quite too, if you know what I mean.

We landed safely at the Salman's residence, Anike looked at me and smiled as we got out of the car, I waited for her to adjust her dress and took her hand and I lead her to the beautiful door leading to the main lounge... I felt sick again and my heart beat increased but "today na today", I looked at my beautiful Anike, winked and smiled at her, she smile back, I was about to plant a kiss on the forehead when Funke Salman opened the Door. With excitement and full joy Funke greeted Anike just like I prayed she would, a warm smile, hug and sweet compliment of her dress and looks, she concluded by telling Anike she is the luckiest girl alive to have me as her man, Anike's replies were also western and on point... "My baby dey rep die"... We walked in and Alhaji called me over...;

"Babatunde my son, come here... It is nice to see you again, your sister has talked about you almost every day since the last time I saw you in her office"

I walk to him and we shook hands, Anike went on her knee to greet Alhaji and he was impressed, he told us we were beautiful together and he couldn't wait to receive invite for our wedding.

Then Funke Salman came out looking different, when we got to their residence she was wearing a blue jean, a long Indian designed top and a veil over her head, now she is dressed in a multi colour Ankara gown and a veil, cute girl and those eyes I have not still found a way to stop admiring them. She invited us to the dining area and I again held Anike's hand as we walked over to eat...

Funke served her Dad first then Anike before she served me and herself, the meal was Ofada rice, made with a difference, there was green peas, sweet corn and other "medemedes" in it, and the "Ayamase" sauce was "on point" chicken, gizzard, "shaki" and liver with other usual "orisirisi", and I must not forget the home squeezed orange juice as usual, what a meal...!

Alhaji broke the silence as we ate;

"Hope you are enjoying your food Anike?" he asked,

"Yes sir" my baby answered with a gracious smile...

I smiled at Anike and added;

"Anike has an excellent tongue for taste, on like me, anything goes when am hungry, I just want to eat and fill my tummy..."

Funke laughed, she told her Dad and Anike not to believe me, she continued;

"Huh, Mr Babatunde... You have an excellent taste for food o... I have seen you eat several times and your choice of meals were not bad"

That statement Funke made was already in Anike's head, I had to beg and explain what "seen you eat several times" meant later that night.

We finish our meals and Alhaji advised me and Anike on marital issues, he told us we looked like a couple already so we should try as much as we can to keep the love fresh, he prayed for us and promised again to grace our wedding "insha Allahu"... Funke also admired our union and told Anike to take care of her brother... to which Anike replied she would keep trying.

Each time compliments were paid to Anike... I receive either a pinch on my thigh or a stump on my foot under the table... "My baby head dey swell like no man business" that is another way Anike manages "head swelling things".

Funke invited Anike on an excursion on the property so I and Alhaji could talk, Anike looked at me for approval and I broke another rule for the night... I made a joke about our relationship. WARNING NO.3, I said;

"Yes Anike, let Funke show you around you will love it, especially the peacocks, Abi you don't want to leave your husband... Iyawo yawoo..."

Alhaji and Funke laughed but I noticed Anike forced a smile as she makes space to get out of her sit and walked out with Funke holding hands, Alhaji Salman lead me to the living area holding my hand as usual and I followed with humble steps.

I finished my discussion with Alhaji and we joined the ladies in the garden where they were feeding the peacocks, I was surprised the way I saw Anike and Funke gisting and laughing, I said a little prayer and thanked God for answering my prayers on this ladies. They clicked..! They finally noticed us and walked over... Alhaji asked Anike if she had fun and she confessed that it was a wonderful experience, she also told Alhaji he had a magnificent mansion ...it is Beautiful, elegant and serene, to use my baby's words.

Alhaji and Funke walked us to our car, and I heard the ladies say "see you soon..." "Ehnn?, See you soon ke?" "So I was just afraid for nothing..." I gave Funke a hug and she told me to take care of her "wife" o...

I told Alhaji I will bring the proposal over by next Sunday and he told me to take my time and come up with a very good one... Funke gave me a "thumps up" sign; she gave Anike a hug and told her to take care of her brother too.

We had barely made it out of the Salman's residence when Anike asked;

"So we are working for SKS now abi?"

"No" I replied.

“Why” she pressed,

“Nothing”, I answered.

Anike looked at me, wanted to say something then she kept quiet and looked on, I wanted to explain what happened and my mystery plan to her too but "I am enjoying the suspense in this... I will tell her when we get home jo"...

I placed my right hand on her left hand and squeezed it and my Anisky pepperoni squeezed back... just like Micheal Scofeild and Sarah in the action sitcom series PRISON BREAK, Anike trusts her man and she believes he will always have a plan and I will not fail her, So help me GOD.




Episode Fifteen - THE CEO

(levels don change now)

I woke up this morning to see the lovely face of my Anike beside me, the shallow dimple that soothes her cute face when she sleep and the innocence she projects just makes me love her more, I just finished writing the proposal for SKS Consulting and since I hope to end my gist with you guys here, I want to let you in on my plans and let you be the judge.

I am not going back to El-Paso or any other company owned by my Boss again and the reasons are obvious, in life, if you will ever work for a Boss please pray to find a Boss that will seek the development of the firm and the personal development of the persons/people that make up the organization, because that is when everyone can be happy and business will grow more. I have worked for El-Paso for over four years now since I graduated from the university, while I thank the management of El-paso for the opportunity given to me to work and taking off the streets, I think I have been diligent enough and I have worked very hard, morning, Afternoon and Night to contribute my own quota to the development of the company and still the Boss has never wanted my personal development, he wants everything for himself and his Family. He has four kids schooling somewhere Abroad on the money that I personally help make and yet my salary cannot buy a return ticket to America, I am not saying lets us share the profit 50/50 but I am the brain behind what brings this money in, just treat me fairly and make me feel important too.

I am not saying I am the messiah or the major factor in El-Paso but I can tell you I have helped El-Paso make a lot of amount of money and I have not been taken care of as it befits an employee of my kind and off course the last import business saga, if it was a more dangerous issue Anike's husband will be in kirikiri now o, for something I knew nothing about... So at this point I don't care what happens to El-Paso or the Boss or his family but I pray Almighty God helps him out of his "Greed-caused" problems, But I Edwin Babatunde Alexander has moved on to greater things.

I love the Salmans, that family has shown me love from the first day I had contact with them, I love Funke Salman and if I did not have Anike she would have been my wife no doubt, she is beautiful, intelligent, warm, alluring, sexy and off course RICH, what else does a man want in a wife, but I love my Anike and together we will build a future greater than what the Salmans have, Anike loves me and I love her too and with love all things are possible.
 
Alhaji Salman kashimawo Salman is the best guy I have known after my father, he is a rich man that hasn't forgotten is diligent days, he is the definition of a father, a Boss like no other, a friend and an in-law sef, if to say I no carry my eyes from Funke, he is just too kind a man, he is the type of man you meet and you start believing in fairy tales. A man that has allowed his life and existence go beyond trivial barriers like religion and ethnicity. A very handsome man with lovely kids, he has not allowed his wealth to control him, he controls his money and touches lives with it in many ways than how he earns it and the money keeps piling up. Now, I believe and can confirm to everyone that when you give more, you receive in multiple folds.

I am not taking a job with the Salmans either, but we are going to be doing business together, my last meeting with Alhaji Salman at his residence went thus;

"Babatunde, quite a beautiful and homely wife you've got in Anike, hope you are taking care of her, you guys look like a couple already, don't leave her o" Alhaji warned as we sat in the living area.

"Thank you sir, I have been told that several times in our four years of courting and I have also seen much more qualities in her, we have had our share of issues but I guess that is why we understand ourselves better and our love and respect for each other is growing every day." I replied.

"That is so nice, and I pray Almighty Allah in his supremacy guides your steps and gives you all it takes to be a husband to your wife, because Babatunde, when a man marries a good wife, the flesh of his flesh and bone of his bone, every other thing will come easy, he can plan and be happy to always return home to meet his family, I miss Mama Funke every day, no matter how rich and wealthy I am in life I owe it to her support as my wife, but "Inna lilahi wahina'ileahi rojiun", we were from Allah “sub’anawata’hala” and to him we shall all return" Alhaji said and sighed..

"May her soul rest in perfect peace and May all she left behind continue to receive the blessings of the Almighty" I prayed and we both chorused a gentle "Ameen".

We were quite for some minutes then I broke the silence...

"Sir, I have come with my decision and a proposition for SKS consulting, I am not here as an applicant to SKS sir, I am here as your son and you are my father and guardian"

"Ok, Babatunde, what is your decision and what do you want to propose to us?" Alhaji asked with a smile.

"I have terminated my appointment with El-paso Nigeria limited, It was a very emotional thing for me but again life must go on, Sir, I want to work for you, In fact the package you proposed to me was overwhelming and I have still found it difficult to come to terms with benefits of that magnitude on a Job compared to where I am coming from, but again Sir, I had plans before we met."

" I was working on being my own Boss and practicing as a Client Base Development Consultant, I was waiting to raise enough venture capital for the business to start up when fate brought us together" I said and waited for Alhaji to respond before I continue.

Alhaji nodded and signaled me to continue;

"Sir, I am working on a Client Base Development plan for SKS, it is a world class plan just like I do and would have done if the contract had been awarded to El-Paso Nigeria Limited, but this time it is coming from my own personal registered firm "El-Nino Client Resource Incorporation", we will develop a world class client base development department for SKS Consulting in twenty four(24) months, get you the best hands in the industry and provide world class training for the staffs and continue support you remotely if and when needed."

"Alhaji, I can do this, I have always done this and the results have been very impressive, As my first client if you allow me do you the honours sir, I don’t want us to discuss money yet, All I want is for you to fund this project and provide “El-Nino. C.R.I” with all the information we need to build an unbeatable Client Base department for SKS consulting. Alhaji I can and I will do this, when I am through, then you can pay me any amount you want..." I concluded and looked straight into Alhaji eyes, I was ready for any answer.

Alhaji Salman looked at me, smiled and gave me a pat on the back, he praised my plans and gave me kudos for my skills in the field of client base development, he said he wasn’t alien to the fact that I am one of the best hands around if not the best in the field of client base development and continued...

"Babatunde, I am impressed you are working on your own company and I am a firm believer in the "Be your Boss" strategy in life. No one can ever be Mega-Rich working for someone else, I will discuss your proposition with Funke and we will take a management decision, which I am sure will be positive. Are you here with the proposal and plan from "El-Nino"?"

"No sir" I replied,

"Okay then, go and finish it up and bring it for us to look at, don't rush yourself Babatunde, you are like a son to me, left to me I have accepted your proposal, I just want your sister; Funke's consent too before I give you the go ahead to start you know she is at the helms of affairs now at the office and I must respect that... while you finish up on your proposal and start up plans, I will ask them to prepare an office for you at the SKS complex to use for the twenty four months… also all that I promised you still holds in terms of benefits for the job, your car, your house and your vacation, we will re-discuss the pay when you bring the proposal proper" Alhaji said...

I felt like an angel just took me on a heavenly trip, I was so happy yet I was shock and did not know how to thanks Alhaji, I tried to prostrate but again he held me back and insisted it is against the doctrines of Islam, he congratulated me in advance and we shock hands and hugged…
I have called my mum and Dad on this issue and a lot of prayers and advice have been dished out to me, my mum will be coming over next week for my cousin’s wedding, I plan to take he to Alhaji Salman to thank him and also see the man that God has sent to up lift the life and social status of her son, as for my Dad all he said was:

“Babatunde, just know what you are doing, avoid women and plan well, they are selling plots of land now Ganmo and new GRA Ilorin once you have money come and buy o. I will tell your mother to give you details when she comes next week, typical Yoruba man abi?

So that was what went down last week at the meeting with Salmans and my parents, Anike already knows her new status has the wife of a CEO and Funke has called to congratulate and welcome me to SKS as a client base consultant, she said she can't wait to have me around her all day as a colleague at work and a big brother to seek advice from... To which Anike is in full support of. "I wonder wetin dem give themselves chop, this their love for each other dey fear me sef". They have had lunch together like twice since they met without inviting me, Anike even knows some details about my new job which I don’t o… women, they also have a wedding to attend this weekend, I was invited but I have to start working on SKS’s client base development plans. My only fear is when your female boss and your wife are friends just pray they don’t fight o, because you won’t like to be in the middle of that fracas, I trust my Anike sha, she hardly keeps friends and Funke is a very understanding, respectful and reasonable young lady… they will do well by His grace and I need them to do wello...

Now I feel like I have never had a problem before in my life, everything seems easy and plans are already going on in my head to do some things I have always dreamt of doing, my dream house somewhere in a serene estate, my kids in good schools, that vacation by the ocean seem visible now and off course I can also live my life as an example to my younger once and help give a hand to diligent lads in my community… that is true wealth in my opinion, which will serve as a reminder to me on how I got this far in life and what I need to do to continue to sustain my new height in the social realm. I am not a wealthy man yet but soon all things been equal I will be a comfortable husband and a father to my children and live a life where money will not be a problem but how to spend it will be the issue. So Dearest God I pray again, please bless me with the grace of humility, grant me patience, guard the existence of my household, guide my steps and grant me the strength to always know you and remember you in all my endeavors… Amen

So you guys cannot hear wedding bells ringing?... I am going to meet Anike’s parent formally with my family in eight weeks time for a formal introduction and ask for their daughters hand in marriage, our wedding proper will be in four months time and you are all invited, thanks for supporting us to this point.

Please o, if anyone wants to write me a letter, invite me to an event or introduce me from now on, my social status and rank has changed please, maybe I should just introduce myself again so you guys will know how to address me... 

Hi, I am Edwim Babatunde Alexander, the Chairman, Chief executive Officer, Managing consultant and Chief financial officer of EL-Nino Client Resource Incorporation, I am also every other post I need to play to make my business a success....

Now you know.. “levels don change now you know fit know me again now I am 10/10…10/10… 10/10 … shikena.” Thank you


P.S. - I will like to thank my numerous readers across the globe for reading my first series TWO MAN BUSINESS, I would have loved to mention your names but you all know yourselves, thanks for the encouragement, advice and constructive criticisms may you all find joy in all you do because you all gave me a lot of joy writing this and knowing someone will read it somewhere and smile, thank you so much. I will also like to state here clearly that everything written in this piece, names, company names, addresses and nicknames are all fiction it is in no way related to anyone or anything what so ever.

Thanks everyone and I wish you all a merry christmas and a wonderful new year in Advance.. Cheers..

seuncyber: nice work
is not easy to write such a good story like this....well to let you no every body in my office are reading your story and i broadcast it on my bbm too....it really show how good your story is and i really learn from it.

Thanks so much... Words can't express how much I appreciate ur gesture..

Episode Thirteen
“So Help Me God…”


I felt really bad after the discussion with the Deacon but what can I do, I stood up and went to sit beside my boss, I share a few words of wisdom as I learnt from my Mum. I told him everything will fall in place… Like I had a plan; I told him to be strong and promised to research if we could get a buyer for “our” bulbs in another country… E.B.A. The Messiah I called myself later that night.

It was getting late so I begged to take my leave with the promise to go and keep business running at the office and visit every day for briefing..

I had a discussion with Madam on my way out, she blamed Chief Lamidi Ajala for destroying her husband and her family, she lamented about the friends her husband keeps and worried about the children’s school fees abroad, up-keep at home and the future of her household. She went into details but of what use is that to what we have on ground. As the wise Yoruba proverb says; “A knife cuts you and you throw it away, well, the knife as done what it wanted to do. So”

No matter what we say and how loud we castigate chief Lamidi and his cohorts, the deed has been done… Let’s discuss the Way forward please.

I walked to the gate and found it locked, I peeped in to Akpan’s room through the window as I usually do to call him and what I saw again reminded me of the complexity of life and human existence.

I saw Akpan “collaborating” Ntom the house help. On hearing my voice the “collaborators” scrambled out of the bed but as an adult “I know wetin I see oo”. So the boss and his family are having a difficult time and the domestic staffs are less concerned. They couldn’t even leave this night to pretend to share in the pain of their Boss… Well, with the way Madam treats her domestic staffs I don’t expect them to have feelings for her family too.

It took Akpan another two minutes to come out of his room. He finally came out with a multicoloured towel around his neck, he stretched his hands to the sky and rubbed his eyes with his hands like he just woke up for real then yawned and complained about the ventilation of his room, trying to give me reasons for his sweaty body, he said…

“Oga Eddie, sleep don carry me go ni, abeg no vex, see as I dey sweat like Christmas goat, the heat wey dey my room ehnn.. E no get part two…”
I looked at him and smiled, to make him know I am a better liar and a correct Bad guy too, I asked…

“Hope say you dey use condom sha? Because e fit no be only you dey do Ntom oo, abi you noh dey see how she dey play with Walaka? Plenty yanmayanma disease dey outside now o… so protect yourself, if you noh fit hold body use condom.”… I saw his jaw drop and I am sure his “Manhood” would have lost form too, Ntom will answer a lot of questions tonight and as for walaka he shouldn’t even try to crack one of those his jokes with Akpan or eat any food cooked by Akpan, he fit be poison oo… I smiled and winked at Akpan again as I walked to my car.


I drove home in fear, after having a sour taste of what those street lords can do to one, I read every psalm I ever learnt in Sunday school, I got home and fell on my bed, I was deep in thought and somewhere through my thoughts I drifted in to I very deep sleep.

The ray of the early morning sun penetrated the window blinds and hit hard on my eyes. It is morning already, I struggled off my bed and knelt to say my prayers, I finished my communication with the supreme being, took some medicine to relieve my body pains and searched my closet for something light to wear, I finally settled for a khaki combat short and a white tee-shirt then rushed out of my apartment to get a phone at the junction.. Any small phone will do, I need to call my Mum and I know my Anike will be worried too.

I got a small phone for a few thousands and inserted my SIM immediately, I was still trying to read the many text messages Anike sent when her call came in. I gave her a summary of the events that occurred, of course I edited the part I got beating, how man go tell hin wife say den trash ahm, you don ground your ego be that. She promised to close early from work to check on me later in the day. We ended the call and I called Mother.

She prayed for me and showered the usual accolades on me then asked me about the Salmans and what decision I had taken, I told her “God is in control” that I hadn’t taken any decision. I gave her a detailed gist on the happenings in the El-Paso empire, she sighed and told me God was giving me a reason to move on with my life, I also used the opportunity to tell her about the dream I had about me and Funke Salman and how it ended, trying to let her seethe situation from both angles, She asked why I didn’t inform her earlier but lied the dream was just two days before. Maami told me to keep praying for direction and promised to pray for me, she also promised to request prayers for me in church.

“The twins say they miss you o and I heard three of you have agreed that they should come to Lagos next week, I will send your favourite “Ijebu gari” and yam tubers, abi do you need any things else?” my mum asked as we concluded our discussion… I miss those boys and Maami; “Mama Tunde, a.k.a Mama Ibeji”, The Best Mum in the World.

After the phone call with my mum, I bought some hot freshly fried “puffpuff” and rushed home to devour them before it gets cold. As I walked closer to my house I noticed a man standing by the gate to my apartment. He was wearing a green striped “Ankara”, a “kangor” hat, a dark sun glasses and black sneakers.


I walked closer and the man started walking towards me too, we met and I didn’t believe my eyes… It’s The Boss.
“Wetin this man want again?” I asked myself.

He pulled his shades down from his eyes a bit, smiled and winked at me, I smiled back and he signaled we keep walking and we walked into my apartment. Immediately we got in I turned to him and asked;

“Oga what are you doing dressed like this?”

“Ahh!, kole ye e.., you see Eddie when an adult is running, he is either chasing something or something is chasing him, (in conk Yoruba accent please) . Wo when the situation is serious… Serious attention and special intelligence is needed, I have come to see you personally ni, can we go inside?” He requested.

We walked in and I ask him what he wanted for breakfast “like e come from my belle, if he chop for my house na poison he chop… Olohun!”…

He said he wasn’t hungry, so we sat down to talk and I opened my “puffpuff” and pick one as I listened to my Oga.

“Eddie, you know what is happening already and I feel I don’t have to hide anything from you again, you are already family, our relationship is more than that of Boss and subordinate… You are my son and I have failed you as a father and I am sorry… Eddie I have come to correct my wrongs and I want us to work together so we can succeed together as we have always done.”

I finished my first “puffpuff” and picked another one as I continued listening to the words of The Boss…

“My son, I have a domiciliary account, it has about one hundred and fifty six thousand dollars in it, if converted to Naira it is a very large sum, Eddie I want you and me to be a super team once again, I want to call a lawyer or you can call one, let use the money to set up another firm. Which will be co-owned by us, it will do everything El-Paso does and you will be the head and known Chief Executive Officer of the new firm, I will just be a silent man behind you giving you every social, political and business support you need.


Eddie, you and I know you run El-Paso and this won’t be a difficult task for you, we can do this, again Alhaji lamidi and Deacon have things they can fall back on. I invested most of what I have and as the situation is I have lost all I invested. Babatunde, this is a very Good opportunity for us to grow together please I seek your assistance now.” He concluded.

I picked another “puffpuff” again and continued chewing confusingly as the Boss stares at me. The snack has no taste whatsoever in my mouth but chewing just made me feel better, I finished it and I could not still come up with an answered for The Boss.
Then the Boss continued his sermon;

“Eddie, I don’t expect you to answer me now, in fact I feel you are still shocked and angry with me about the bulb import business but I wanted to tell you o, it was Lamidi that said we should not spread the news of the business too much, in fact we planned to give you your own ten percent profit share as a surprise, it is just that the deal didn’t end the way we planned it, Eddie let us make up… I need you now Eddie my boy. We are going places just endure this phase with me and you will be wealthy in no time.”


I pick another “puffpuff” then dropped it again, I looked at the boss and smiled, and he smiled back at me, then he asked if I will do has he proposed but I told him I will think about it, it was then he noticed my swollen eye and asked what happened. I told him the detailed story of how I got robbed because of him and he showed great concern. “For my mind I knew he was doing this caring-caring because of his selfish interest but me sef dey for ahm.. “Agbaya somebody”.

I walked him out of my apartment and watched has he changed his steps in disguise several times walking away.

With more pressure than usual flowing in my system; I suddenly became weaker, heavy hearted and worried about everything happening around me. I walked in to my flat and started putting final touches to my plans, if I must take a stand and make a decision, now is the time… will I accept the Bosses offer? Will the Salmans have me as one of their own for real? I am confused and really wish I had a spare brain, this is getting too much…
So help me GOD.

EPISODE TWELVE

“THE THREE WISE MEN”

….What could have happened? What happened to The Boss?, my two phones are dead and I couldn’t even think of anywhere around to make a call. (i.e., business center), I thought of going back to Funke’s office to use her phone but then I wouldn’t want her to know anything about me and my boss.

I got out of the elevator and rushed to my car, I was on the street in no time, eyes wide open like the eagle, looking for anything that could come to my aid at that moment, a pay phone center, a battery seller, a friend with two phones, just anything that will help me communicate with my boss.. Oh! How I pity My Boss already, he hardly shows any sign of confusion, even when he is on a hot sit, the guy must muster confidence and dazzle. This must really be huge for him.
Did El-PASO lose money in a business deal? But I know all our business ventures and we aren’t doing badly at the moment. How is Madam? I thought again… if it’s Madam he would have told me straight away now. Hmmmn… What could this be? I pondered as I drove on…


I joined a light traffic at stadium/barrack axis on en-route the bosses house via ikorodu road and I spotted one of the regular call center umbrellas just beside ojuelegba bridge.. I ignored all the risks involved with hanging around that area at night and decided to park and find a way to communicate with The Boss.

I parked my car beside a “Baba ijebu/ lotto” kiosk and walked to the young lady plying her “jack of all trade” business under the bridge, she sold recharge cards, makes money from phone calls, sells dry gin, soft drinks, biscuits and “weed” (a.k.a marijuana), anyway, I am yet to confirm the marijuana part but if you live in Lagos long enough like me.. Your suspicions about places like that could be almost accurate.

“Can I make calls here please” I requested


“Yelz, oga you fit makes calls, which network” she asked


“Anyone will do, just give me the phone please” I answered with urgency in my voice.

“Alright sir” and she handed me a phone.

I tried The Bosses first line, it wasn’t available, then I tried the second, it rang for long and it wasn’t picked too, I tried a couple of times more still to no avail… I will have to go to his house at M.K.O Abiola gardens Alausa then, I decided.

I told “Mama Kofoshi” the pay phone lady my calls weren’t picked but she insisted I wait while she checked…

“Because na so unah dey do, call finis say is not go”… In her words.

She finally released me and I paced to my car.

As I got closer to my car, I saw three fierce looking guys sitting on the bonnet of my car, these guys are ugly, dirty and scarred. The smoke coming out of their mouths was like that of a bad truck’s exhaust. Two of them remained on my car’s bonnet while the third one walked to me and asked…

” Na you get this Motor?”

“Yes na me” I replied and concluded I was in deep horse dung..

“Why you park here? Shey dey no tells you? Abi you no. No..?” He threatened.

“Know wetin? Abi see wetin? I no see anybody when I wan park nah and na free space so I park abi wetin” I replied trying to sound tough.

The two smoking chimneys heard my tough talk and immediately came to the rescue of the lanky third guy…

“Azonto, lif ahm…” They ordered the lanky fellow; he left me and walked away.

Then one of the other two faced me and said…

“Omo mummy, God wan punish You abi? Na we you dey strong voice for? You dey mad ni? Abi you no dey see ni?”
I wanted to talk but nothing came out of my mouth… I just listened and as usual, I had lost control of my urinary system…

“The place wey you pack na where dem kill “Somebody” a.ka. “omo Aye” and we no dey allow anybody park for dia except chairman, wo! Make we no carry long stick to kill sot snake, your fine nah 25bel, no receipt oo, we no be lasman” ordered the black ugly one.

“Twenty five wha…!!…?” And a dirty slap landed on my face before I finished the statement, it was the third scruffy guy… wicked fellow. He followed the slap with a warning…

“Twenty five thousand naira, abi you wan pay us in pounds ni? Oloofoo.! If you no pay, your motor no dey comot for here oo, we dey collect cash and we fit follow you go ATM, na only credit we no dey take. Just pay the money and your mama no go help you cry today”

I was still seeing stars when he finished the first verse of his warning, he puffed some more of is “Ganja” and continued…

“you fit call anybody wey you know oo, and you fit bring anybody come hia tomorrow, my name na “Gadafi” and dis na my boys “Azonto and Abacha”, na our assembly be dis.. We dey wait for your father and anybody wey you dey bring.. Na dat time unah go know say Molue senior BRT for lagos.. Oya declare your asset!”

Well,let’s just say after an agreement by both parties involved in that lagos night life fracas, we settled the issue like adults, I however left with no dine in my pocket, a swollen face, bruised ego, I gave them my phones but took my SIM cards out, my shoes were collected and my wrist watch was gone too..

” Eko oni baje oo.!!!”

For the records, I am no push over for any army of thugs, I didn’t just want to start any trouble because of Wole’s car, If not, those guys would have seen… Me Edwin Babatunde Alexander a.k.a “Eddie Tyson”…. Anyway, sh*t happens…

At exactly 11:23pm I got to The Bosses house and everything seemed alright except for two familiar cars I saw outside, A Mercedes Benz “S Class” belonging to Chief Lamidi Ajala and lexus Suv owned by Deacon Ifeolu Animasahun, my bosses closest associates. This must be very serious I thought as Akpan opened the gate for me.

“Good evening Oga Eddie” Akpan greeted.

“Evening Akpan” I answered and walked towards the entrance.. I opened the door and meet Madam first.
“Good evening ma” I greeted

She forced a reply out of her mouth and pointed to the living room as she walked Away… Now I know this is no death issue and Madam is definitely not happy with it. My brain cells started thinking about any other thing that could make The Boss call to inform me with so much confusion in his voice. I couldn’t come up with anything till I appeared to the trio of my Boss and his associates in the living all three were quiet when I went in and greeted. The Boss didn’t say anything but others answered.

I sat down and was looking like a confused fellow, trying to decipher, at the same time I didn’t want to look at anyone or say anything abnormal, then Deacon Ifeolu called me and started the story.

“Eddie, we have lost money, we have lost a lot of money and properties, we were introduced to an import business recently, we got a link in china where we imported electric bulbs that were cheaper and we got people who are ready to buy them from us here in Nigeria. The bulbs came in and instead of having the bulbs come in 240 or 125 volts the bulbs can only work with 60volts of electricity when we tested then. Once our electric current gets into it, it blows up… Now the buyers won’t buy and the banks will soon be on our tails for their money…”

I didn’t say a word; I just looked on and listened.

“That is not all Eddie, we used our homes as collaterals and EL-paso plaza is also one of the collaterals we used.

Also Babatunde, your name is on the documents we used for the importation and contract papers as one of the directors of the company we used for the bank loan and importation, you are not in any kind of debt or trouble but we deem it fit that we inform you my son.

I kept quite all through the briefing and was not scared of anything at all, Me Director of a company, ehn Director noni.. But the truth is… I don’t need an angel to tell me the genesis of this sweet deal gone sour, I know Chief Lamidi is a politician so he probably got the link for the deal from one government Agency and brought the info to my ever greedy boss who quickly informed his most trusted pal, pastor Ifeolu, now that it is sour they would have realised their mistakes and every risk that wasn’t properly evaluated.. Greedy cockerels! Now Edwin is their “Son”… I laff…


My favourite uncle used to emphasis a phrase and I use it as a guide when I want to go into any business… He says and I quote.
“When the deal is too sweet and it seems like you don’t have anything to loose, that is when you usually have the most to lose, look deeper”
They thought it was all about getting a contract, import the goods from china, deliver to the buyers and get your money.. They forgot specifications, market research and insurance.. They had no plan B and above all they wanted to “Chop Alone”, will I be wicked if I allow them “Die Alone?” Ehn..?..
If death can take the gentle and wise tortoise, what then is the fate of the Frog that jumps and slams its body on the ground… Edwin Babatunde Alexander, be wise… Hmmmmm….

chaotik: good work bro buh same complaints from all ur readers

"ur stories r too damn short"

at dis pace u'd definately lose followers like most ppl r getting rather angry than anxious

me dey ur side from episode 1 buh ppl i refered in ma office got tired and stopped . . . not for the long breaks buh too short stories amounting to not worth waiting for .

work on your plot and twists to elongate each episode

well noted, but then i try to make it as long as possible while trying not to mix things up or deviate from the story line... abeg help me beg the folks in ur office o, the most important thing to me is when people derive pleasure from reading my piece... i will do better in subsequent episodes thanks.

Thanks Baba... I like my Anisky peperoni I for give you but I still fit arrange you funke Salman o..

semid4lyfe:

semid4lyfe is MALE and not female unless you mean the moderator of this Literature section, Cuddlemii

Anyway, I've changed it to episode 11 but next time just go to the first post, click on modify, change the heading and click submit, that's all

Meanwhile interesting episode. . . .your head dey there

Anyone in contact with @semid4lyfe should help me o, I am hung here and I think she can notice I corrected the observation but I guess am clueless about the second.. I need to change the Tread from episode 1-10 to episode 1-11.. Iranlowo ni mo bere o... I million TUALE!!

EPISODE ELEVEN - “DECISION TIME"


I chose my words carefully and was very calm with the delivery, I wanted Anike to know I was telling the truth, I told her everything from my first meeting at SKS to the party, I told her about the discussion I had with Funke and how I forgot my jacket in her car, she listened but I knew she was just looking for loopholes and setting questions in her mind.. When I concluded and asked her what she felt, she replied..

“Why didn’t you tell me about her before now?”

“I did Anike, maybe I didn’t just mention her name” I replied

“This party, why didn’t you inform me about it..? Ehn why? She pressed again.


I stammered as I replied “Well, ah.. Anike I di.. did.. didn’t plan to attend the party, but…”

“Where is wole’s car?” She pressed with a very sad voice now, shaking her head in pity for me.

i knew at that point that i was in deep shit, but i be man o... i must stand well well...

I stammered a bit but told her where the car was, and then she asked again.

“Whose car did you take to the party?”

I answered again with the truth then she shook her head and said.

“Babatunde, she drove you to a party?, like a couple ehn? Did you dance with her? You held her too abi? Did you kiss her? Smart guy huh.? Ahh.!! Tunde, the boy is fine, the boy is fine, even if this girls run after you, can’t you just control yourself ni? Ehnnnn..?
At this point I felt I needed to defend myself, so I revolted,

“Anike, I might have done some things Before now, but believe me, there is nothing between me and Funke Salman and everything I am telling you is nothing but the truth, she likes my person just like an elder brother and that is all it will ever be, you will meet her soon and I am sure you will like her, just believe me this last time and support me, that is all I need right now.. Abi, should I lie and say I did what I didn’t do ni?”

She didn’t say another word, I tried to tease her but she was still cold so I left her.. I know my Anike, She will heal... I can’t kill myself; I just told her the truth, if she doesn’t like it, she should lie to herself and believe it jo. My head is full and all I need is someone to help me solve my issue not someone to add to it…. The boss will be around soon I ought to have decided what I want now, make she no add her own o..

I begged her again the next morning but she was still cold, she said she wasn’t feeling too good but I knew it’s a facade, she left later that morning and I left for work too..

Ronke wasn’t yet around when I got to the office, I went straight to my office, and tried to clear all the jobs on my desk, made calls to clients and replied mails, I tried to concentrate but I couldn’t, I love Anike and I can’t afford to lose her. I picked my phone and called her.
After calling her four times, I decided to try one more time.. Then she picked.
“Hello” she answered faintly.

“Hello Anike, I’m sorry, please believe me, all I told you is the truth and nothing but the truth, you are the best thing that ever happened to me, why will I wanna hurt you.. Please believe me nah my baby” I begged.

“Tunde, I am at work and I don’t want you to turn me to a crazy woman, I love you Tunde and you know, that is why you are always behaving like you do.. Tunde stop treating me like this please.” I heard these words and felt like the worst being on earth.

“Anike, I am very sorry, I love you too and I will always do, I am a changed man, this SKS episode is heavy in my heart and I am doing everything not to make the wrong decision, stay with me my lady, love me, support me and we will come out of this situation without bruises.. Please Anike, Please.” I reply with a very sombre tone..

“Tunde please don’t make me cry oo, you know I have watery eyes and am in the office. I love you too. Most Handsome boo. E.B.A, Mr. Phenomenon., sha give me rest of mind that is all I ask of you” She requested.

I felt free when I heard the final verse of her words and I promise, I will always tell her everything from now on, Well Almost everything.
Anike case is settled… And am sure she will come to my place tonight, it is going to be some make-up night, wanted to call Funke but I noticed my battery was almost flat so I cleared my desk in preparation to close for the day.
By the way, I have decided to draft a letter to The Boss.

THE LETTER

Edwin .B Alexander
No.21 Golden street
Agege, Lagos
21 may 2012

The Managing Director
El-Paso Nigeria Limited,
El-Paso plaza,Plot 420,
Oba-Akran, ikeja,
Lagos.
Termination of Appointment

I write to inform the management of El-Paso Nigeria limited of my departure from the firm for personal reasons.
It has been a great time working for El-Paso and I have enjoyed every bit of my stay. Thank you for the opportunity to serve and support during my stay, I am forever grateful.

Yours sincerely,
E.B. Alexander.

That was the sixth draft of the letter and that is the best I can do.. I am not happy with this but life must go on.

I kept the letter in my desk and walked out of my office only to see that “Miss collabo” a.k.a. Ronke our receptionist applying make-up.
Shocked, she mumbled” Oga Tunde, so you are inside your office since sha.”

"hum-hum.. i dey my house", i almost answered, but i managed to keep my mouth shut....

I nodded and walked to the water dispenser, took a glass of water, sighed and asked Ronke if I had any appointment, she said “No”, but informed me the boss will return the next day.

I went into my office, took hundred thousand out of my safe and handed it to Ronke, I told her it was for The Boss, locked my office and closed for the day. Destination? SKS…

I breezed into the SKS office complex with high shoulders, I didn’t plan to see anyone but for my jacket and phone, just pick wole’s car as quickly as possible, get some gifts for my Anisky peperoni before I pick her in her office. A little surprise I am planning.

I went in and headed for the pent house, while in the elevator I checked myself and I was impressed with my “Fineboy” look.
The door to the elevator opened and there stood Alhaji S.K Salman and Funke, I was shocked but quickly greeted him as I step out.. Alhaji held my hand as we exchanged pleasantries; he smiled and asked if I had come to resume my duties as The Director of Client Base Development in SKS. I smiled, looked at Funke and told him I was planning to come visit him at home on Sunday..

“Daddy, don’t rush my elder brother o,” Funke added to save me..

“Oh!, you guys are already Brother and Sister, I see…. that is good, happy to know we are now a family, I will be expecting you on sunday for lunch then..” Alhaji added


We laughed and had a little chat for sometime before Alhaji’s Personal assistant came and escorted him down to his car, then I followed Funke to her Office to get my jacket and my phone.

We got into her office and she told me about the call she received on my phone the previous night, she asked if that was my wife and I told her Anike is my fiancée…

“Mr Brother take good care of her oo, and don’t let your “concubines” get into your head, you know Men like you can be funny at times.” Funke warned
I tried to defend myself but she didn’t allow me, she begged me instead to bring her with me to The Salmans residence for lunch on Sunday and I promised to try and make it possible.

I told Funke I was in a rush to pick my Anike at her office, so she walked me to the elevator explaining she also had a meeting with someone from an insurance company too. I gave my new found sister a goodbye hug just as the elevator’s bell rang, went in and waved to her once again.

The Elevator started it descend before my phone started ringing. It was The Boss.

“Hello sir” I said calmly

“Hello Eddy, it has happened..!” he said with a confused voice.

“What sir, please Calm down sir, what has happened” I asked praying it should not be anything too bad.

Just then my phone went dead…

Thanks guys for the "head swelling comments"... And special shout out to "semid4lyfe" for the wonderful assistance so far, I have taken note of my faults and I will work on it.. Guys enjoy.. Gat to go.. Episode eleven loading..

Episode Ten - “The Beginning of the End”

I think I was brought up by the toughest parents ever, my mum is a Christian woman that wants you to grow in the way of the lord, go to church, read the bible, never miss Sunday school and you must not fail “Christian religious studies” in school just to prove to her that you are a child of God, don’t play football, read books, don’t lie tell the truth and be corrected those are some of my mum’s rules.

My Dad on the other side is a principled man, he wants a reason to justify every action, the kind of Dad that will ask you.,

“Tunde, What do you want to be in future?”

You answer “A doctor sir”

Then he will ask “why?”

You will answer again with reasons like

“Because it’s an esteemed profession and it is a service to humanity”

Then he will ask you again

“why are you given me this answer, is it because You just want to give me an answer or that is what you read in books or what everyone says..?”

Now you guys know there is no answer to Mr Momoh Olanrenwaju Alexander’s questions, just breathe. Anytime you face him he always wins…..

My family up bringing has thought me so many things, I have learned to always commit my troubles to God, have patience, respect people’s feelings, love without boundaries, Speak with caution, learn from my mistakes and always try to see the reason behind every action I take and receive.

Hmmmmm…, I have not been to work since “Facing Goliath Monday” and today is Wednesday, I am going to honour Funke’s invitation and act “James bond” too… I need info and I hope to get it today..

My friend wole has agreed once again to save my behind; he will drop his Toyota corolla for me this morning. Abi how do I go on a date with a lady without a car in Lagos? Na Fu*k-up be that..

I have also settled for a khaki pants, a blue shirt and a black blazer for this rich peoples party, Son of man must represent o.

After hours in regular Lagos traffic from the mainland to the island, I finally parked my “borrow borrow make me fine” car and walked into SKS office complex, I could see eyes staring at me, the staffs were more friendly this time and I wasn’t asked to fill the visitors form, I immediately noticed I had an escort.. I remember her to be the lady with Madam the day I came for my project presentation.. She introduced herself as Halimah and asked to take me to the “GM”..

Miss “come and do eyes” was looking cute as usual, a sky blue shirt, black pants and a lovely black shoe, like we had a dress code planned. Light make-up and she was shining bright like the sun.

“Mister Babatunde” she sang with a smile after ordering my escort out of her office.

” Madam Funke Salman” I replied

“Hope I am well dressed for our party” I requested.

“Huh, you know you are a cute guy hun’, I have always been impressed with your dress sense, let me finish up, so we can head out for our party.. Hope you brought your dancing shoe o?.” She teased

“Well.., I have got two left legs but you can teach me before I start embarrassing us there” I teased back.

“Then you are in for a long class, Mr Edwin Babatunde Alexander. Brace yourself.” She threatened.

We got down from her office and she made another request

” hope you don’t mind, I will like to drive you to the party you leave your car here my driver will get it to your house for you.”

I wasn’t going to argue with this girl again, I told her not to worry that I will just come and pick my car the next day.

Now this is comfort, how many of you guys have been driven in a Mercedes Benz G class with full option before? See dash board, chairs with “massage something”, hear speakers sef.. Na like say na D’banj dey perform for us and Funke’s driving wasn’t bad too… Smooth movement with no iota of rush.. If you have been driven in one of this machine before, then you will understand what I am talking about now.

A few D’banj, Tuface and Davido songs later and We were in Osborne estate, see houses Oluwa mi ooo.!! BabaGOD please bless me o.. Let my dreams come true and give me the grace to know and worship you in wealth too.

Funke pressed the brake one last time and she pointed to the venue of our party, another magnificent building, an architectural master piece and the garden? na waooo.. Na hotel? I almost asked… “People get money sha.”

We got out of the car and Funke walked to me, she helped remove something from my eye lash, gave me a seductive pat on the chest and pressed the gate’s bell.

” Let’s go in” she said, now holding my hands like we are a couple..

Edwin..! Edwin!! Edwin..!!! My inner voice called me, “ehh, you are looking for trouble, this lady don dey hold you like unah be lovers and you carry your big head dey follow like mumu abi? No worry na wetin man dey chop dey kill man”

“I know, inner voice” I replied

“And I am just here to solve my problem, when am through with this issue “Inner me” you will understand me better”, I thought hoping my inner voice will keep quite now and let me enjoy the party.

The party was crazy, mad DJ, lots to eat and drink and Funke was impressed with my dancing skills. As a bonafide ex-Osu (Olabisi Onabanjo University) boy.. We no dey carry last for enjoyment things, she was giving it to me and I was dishing it out to her with style.. Later as the party went on I invited Funke for a chat outside..

We got out into the serene environment, well groomed garden where cool breeze was blowing, it was a very romantic setting and I could see people making out here and there, I took off my jacket and wore it for Funke, she was surprised and happy, “see black girl dey blush oo”, she called me a gentleman and gave me another pat on my well built chest.. (It is good to watch movies o, thanks to Denzel Washington and Brad Pitts, now am romantic. Oh, I forgot to mention RMD and Ramsy Noah too). We walked to our car and I started the gist..

” Funke, I like you, I like Alhaji and we are already like one big family, it’s so encouraging to come this far in life and still find a sister and father like you and your Dad, I want to work for your Dad but I think I owe my Boss too, if he had not given me the opportunities he gave me I won’t have caught the eyes of SKS Consulting, I am still thinking about the whole thing, I just hope we will still be friends and family if my decision doesn’t fit into your plans”

“Can I ask you a question?” I requested

“Asked me anything” she said with a sombre voice.

“Funke, how did you guys at SKS know about El-Paso and me.?”

She sighed, then replied” my Dad has ears here and there and people tell him things, someone recommended El-paso to us during our quest for a Client Base Development consultant, during our scrutiny of El-Paso. Your name came up, and we found out you were the Client Base Development Guru, my Dad and I had a discussion and we prayed you would be sent to us so we can propose our offer to you. “Why buy water when we can sink a well”.

I smiled, and then she asked if she could tell me something too.

“Am all ears o.. Madam” I answered with a lot of fear,

She poked me with a finger and continued.

“Stop calling me Madam, please. That is just what I wanted to tell you… I like you, I like you like an Elder brother, I am a young lady, I have always wanted an Elder brother, someone I can always share with, cry to and trust his judgment and advise, I was very close to my Mum before she passed away, My Dad is a wonderful man o but I can’t border him with everything… You seem like that kind of person I can share with and trust.. Maybe that’s why when you are around me I just want to play with you, I feel safe and at home with you, I wanna tell you everything and anything.”

I sighed and held her hand then she continued with a pitiful voice…

“You see.. When God has blessed a man like he has blessed my Dad, you never know who is a friend, you have everything and everyone is always ready to lick your foot for one favour or the other, I realised early in life that I must be careful with who choose to share secret and important matters with. But you are kinda different. You didn’t jump at my Dad’s offer and that alone is impressive. I told my fiancée about you and he was surprised you haven’t taken the offer yet but for me and my Dad, that is what makes you special, you are not a greedy person.”

At this point my heart skipped, “fiancée ke? So she has a suitor? Hmmmmm”... Then I returned to her yarn.

“Mr E.B Alexander, even if you don’t take SKS’s offer for whatever reason you give, I promise you my Dad will always help you if you need his help and you will always be My Bigbro from another mother.” She concluded and gave me a hug that seem to last forever.

We decided to leave after our heartfelt talk, I told my new found little sister to drop me at Maryland, so I can take a cab home, I checked the time, it was exactly 9.48pm when I dropped, I promised her I will be safe and she drove off promising to call me later to confirm my safety. She was gone for some minutes before I realised I left my jacket with my second phone in it in the car.. I shrugged and called a bike to drop me in my house. I will pick it up tomorrow morning with Wole’s car.

I got home and found my apartment opened, have been robbed!

I sneaked in like Jack Bauer of the action Series “24″, only to see my “Aniksy peperoni” lying on the sofa, I hissed and walked to her. My Anike isn’t like this, how can I enter and my baby Won’t show any sign of joy. I tried to tease her with a kiss but she pushed me away and snapped at me.

“Who is Funke, Why is she with your phone and where are you coming from?”

My people, now how and where should I start my explanation, “monkey dey chop Banana, Monkey dey scratch yansh, Monkey no know say na wetin sweet dey kill person?”.. Choi..! I don DIE.!!!

Episode Nine - “Facing Goliath”
How I wish something would just happen today and an indefinite holiday would be announced… Its Monday my people and “Lagos no go take nonsense”, yes! Lagos won’t take nonsense from no one and I am sure the boss won’t take an iota of nonsense from me today, can’t someone just take my place and solve this riddle I thought to myself as I close the gate to my apartment behind me as I stroll to the bus stop.

I know some of you will wonder why I haven’t called Alhaji S.K Salman yet to accept his juicy offer and I am sure some of you guys who have been in similar situations before and came out tops will understand this decision aren’t easy to take. To be honest, the offer from SKS is “out of this world”, I only hear things like this in fairy tales but wow! It’s happening to me and it is overwhelming.

At the bus stop, I joined a light rush for an Oshodi bus and chose the last sit at the back of the bus as my comfort zone, no bike today; I just want to delay this inevitable journey to the office for as long as I can. I haven’t thought about what I will tell The Boss but whatever comes out of my mouth when he questions me is the answer.. Hmmmmmmm…..

I reached for my phone and its earpiece in pocket, saw a few pings on the phone and ignored them, i plug the earpiece to the phone and listened to soulful songs, some Michael Bubble, Maxwell, John Legend, Nikelback and a few oldies that reminded me of my Dad.

Then I started thinking about the dream I had yesterday, I haven’t told anyone about it and I won’t. Me and Funke Salman married and it was a disaster, I thought about the horrible feelings I had in the dream, my mother’s questions and the accident, I sighed again and caught the eyes of the old woman sitting beside me staring at me with pity as she signaled me to pay the conductor. For the records and I have you guys has my witness, I will spend the rest of my life with Anike unless she decides she doesn’t want to or an act of God separates us.

Anike Beatrice Alabi, I met her in one of the most unusual places to meet a Wife, The Barbers Shop, Yes! The Barbers Shop on my street when I was living with my uncle in Ogba. She brought her little nephew, Jaiye, now my good pal to have a haircut and that was my lucky day, Anike has been a very wonderful sister, friend and Lover since then, though she was very hard to get, I begged, wooed, and didn’t miss church for like six month to get a date and another three months past before we started a relationship, she however warned and begged that she didn’t want to start a relationship with someone she can’t marry if she has too and I gave my word then though I wasn’t sure, its four years now and counting, time has proven we were meant for each other, she’s caring, loving, strong, emotional and well cultured. Anike is beautiful, 5ft 6 tall, a size 8, brown skin, her bright eyes send me haywire all the time and she has all the “bump and curve” to satisfy a reasonable man. The first daughter of an average family of four kids, a lawyer father, a secondary school teacher mother, two younger sisters, Bola and Nifemi, and a doctor brother Adeniyi.

Anike, graduated from university of Ibadan with honours, she presently works with an insurance firm and plans to retire soon to do business. We have had our own share of problems too, little from my busy schedule and others by my “friends with benefits”, I know my female reader will shake their head and say “Men!” Right now but “let he/she that has no sin cast the first stone”… Sincerely, I don’t know how these things happen, some of this girls even know Anike but won’t still let me be.

I got off the bus at “Ikeja along”, used the over head bridge to the other side and started another long stroll to the office, it a long walk but I didn’t mind, I just wish today was over already.

I walked into EL-Paso plaza and there was no sign of The Bosses Toyota sequoia, I felt relieved, I will be ready and prepared before he comes in.

“Good morin sir” Ronke greeted,

” Good morning” I answered calmly and walked towards my office tired,

“Oga Ba’atunde, the “shairman” is waiting for you in his office, he said you should see him immediately you enter” Ronke informed with her “night school” English.

My legs almost gave way, I started feeling feverish and I could confirm some drops of urine on my underwear too…

“Is Oga around?” I questioned maybe I didn’t hear her well,

“Yes” she answered,

“But his car is not outside now” I pressed.

“Yes, Madam and Walaka, The Driver have gone out with it” she confirmed.

I blanked out and managed to walk to my office and locked the door behind me, after some minutes of thinking and self motivation, I Summoned courage to face my Goliath and left my office to meet The Boss.. I took a few deep breaths, brightened my face with a forced smile and knocked on the half opened door. “Eddy”, The Boss called and I went in. I didn’t allow him to ask me how it went with SKS before I started to flow…

“Oga, it was a nice idea we accepted to meet with Alhaji Salman oo, it has changed our position on the preference table tremendously, I did a casual presentation for him and noticed he was impressed with our ideas and techniques, he asked question to confirm we can do what we say we do and I answered them convincingly, I took time to emphasized why a local firm like ours will be best for their job because we understand the market and have the models and strategies specially built for the environment they operate in.

And Oga we might not need to “tip” S.K’s P.A sef, I had a gist with Funke Salman last night and she said her father was impressed. A little more work on Funke and she will ask her father to give us the job. She’s his favourite kid” I concluded.

The Boss smiled and said; “Eddy this is Good news, I just hope we win this for real, I am going to meet my wife at the airport I stayed back to see you, I hope we will share better news when I get back by the week end.”

He gave me a pat on my shoulder has we walk out of his office.

“Eddy give the “100k Tip” to Ronke” he added has he walked away.

I breezed into my office, locked the door, sat on the floor and cursed the day lying was invented. A cheap way of getting out of trouble temporarily, only to have the trouble in folds when it comes back to get you. And it mostly does…

I Edwin Babatunde Alexander cannot continue like this, people I Just can’t….

Again i must thank everyone that has read my story this far, while begging the guys with "gun and the guy that picked the stone", (laughing), i want to thank those that read and did not comment and those that did let me know their opinion.. you give me more reasons to do what i enjoy doing... God bless our Hustle..oya make unah enjoy this one.. cheers..

Episode Eight - “Live, Love and Learn”

I walked out of my white and sky blue themed luxurious bathroom with a white towel tied to my waist, entered my bedroom trying to rush the process of getting dress and make my escape when I mistakenly pushed my after shave bottle off the dresser, it woke my wife, Funke Salman..

” Good morning honey,” she mumbled

“Sorry, it is just a bottle” I replied.

“Honey, where are you rushing to this early?” She questioned.

With a frown, I answered;” I have got a lot to do at the office, the Germans are coming tomorrow, I have to be prepared, I don’t want us to lose this clients”.

She struggled off the bed with her pregnant stomach and walked to the ward rope,

“Wear this” she ordered, dropping a set of grey suit and a pink striped shirt on the bed has she always does.

I was not in the mood to argue with her this morning or ever again and what I wear is the least of my worries right now, she helped with the buttons as I dress, slowing me down from my rush. I just want to get out of the house and far away from this woman.

A cold kiss on her cheek and another on her pregnant stomach and I paced out of the room without a word.

I met my mother downstairs carrying Junior, my son..

“Babatunde, where are you rushing to this morning oko mi? Are you fighting with Funke again?” she asked

” No maami, Good morning, I have a lot to do at the office and the earlier I get there the better, you know this our Lagos traffic now.” I lied.

“Okay o, but who will drop Junior in School?” My mum enquired..

“Let his mother take him to school and if she is too lazy to do it, he should stay at home today” this word came out of my mouth with venom and I walk out of the house to meet the driver already waiting in the car.

I sat in the “owners corner” of my Black Tinted Toyota PRADO SUV and Ordered the driver to take me to the local airport.

“MM2″ Paul asked and I confirmed it with a nod.

I am going to see my lawyer in Abuja today, I chose to meet him in Abuja because we know Funke has “Dogs” watching and eavesdropping on everything we do and say, I want out of this business, this “Monkey dey work baboon dey chop” life and the marriage sef.

My driver took the link road from our residence in magodo to seven-up junction where he tried to make a U-turn and link Ojota, as he made the turn I notice an “out of control” trailer coming from the Berger axis, “Paul! Paul! Paul...!” I screamed but it was too late I went blank…

I was still murmuring, “Paul move…Paul…” When I opened my eyes and found I was still on my bed, sweaty and happy to be alive, then I noticed Anike standing her back to the door, she was in tears.. I rushed out of bed and spread my arms for her to come in, she accepted and I held her tight, very tight, and whispered ” it’s just a dream baby, I’m alright, everything is going to be fine, I’m here”…

After the usual, petting, teasing and “you know”, Anike excused herself to go and cook lunch and I decided to follow her to the kitchen, there I will download the files into her system. Trust Anike, A good listener, she listened without any question as I told her the edited version of the story without any mention of Funke Salman.

When I finished she asked how many people I have told and I answered honestly, and then she asked if I have informed our pastor, “No” I replied. To be honest my people, I love God, I am faithful to him, I try to read my Bible and I live by the commandments, but church and “Church things?” I am still begging God for the grace.

Anike promised to pray and inform our pastor to pray for us too, suddenly I notice she is singing, the excitement in her cooking increased with some dance step and wiggling at intervals, she even walked to me played with my beard chin planted a kiss on my lips without saying anything.

Woman! I can imagine what is going on in her head..” Six million naira per annum, a beautiful house in Magodo or Ikeja GRA, a Toyota rav4 or Land Cruiser and London or paris for holiday” I smiled to myself.. Everyman should work hard o.. Women love but I think they love better when comfort is involved. Anyway my Anike deserves it.

Then she asked me the ultimate question I have been waiting for….

“Babatunde love” she sang

“Yesssssss” I sang back

“When are we getting married” she asked,

I sighed and answered, “Aniksy peperoni” I don’t know yet oo, but very soon, I am sure I am going to spend the rest of my life with you, no worries my baby” I affirmed.

“Wait first” she continued, “Are you going to take the offer?”

“I don’t know yet, Anike, I am still doing some thinking, consultations and waiting for God’s guidance” I replied

“You don’t know? Babatunde, you don’t know?.. Then I doubt if you know if you are going to marry me too, what is wrong with you, what did that man at El-Paso feed you with, you have a divine golden opportunity begging you and you don’t know?”These words came with tears in her beautiful eyes.

I stood up and buried a very warm long emotional kiss on her lips, she liked it too, I felt her arms around me almost immediately, and she was eventually saved by the smell of our burning “efo riro”.

I explained my worries and fears to her as we ate lunch, and trust Anike she understood and apologised for her outburst, bribing with the last piece of meat which she always ate. Right there I decided I will spend the rest of my life with this wonderful lady, she’s not perfect and so am I, so help us God.

Amen!

You all will be invited for our wedding, don’t worry, “Rice, Stew Very Plenty"... And Aso Ebi go be reasonable price, all of unah must buy o”….

Episode Seven - “CROSSROAD”

It is 3.a.m in the middle of the night. I have had less than three hours of sleep since I left The Salman’s residence yesterday, I can also confirm to you that there are twenty small squares of ceiling in my room, something I have never noticed….

“Should I call Anike? I thought,

No, if I do, she will know something is wrong with me and I will have no choice than to tell her, but I don’t want to tell her yet, not even over the phone.

I should call “Maami” then, but what will a grown man like me be doing calling his mother in the depth of the night like a baby.

My Dad nko? Forget the guy jo, he is too strict, he will just tell me to take the right decision and remind me of how he took care of himself without disturbing his parents when he was my age, if i am lucky and he is in a good mood, he will order me to go and pray about it and take my decision as directed by God… Hmmmmm…

How about My Boss chief Kosamotu Alake, What should I tell him? How do I even explain what happened to him?, first, I must return the Advance he sent to S.K’s P.A, since Alhaji S.K Salman has concluded no contract for El-Paso, what will I say is the reason for the return now? The Boss is smart he will suspect foul play and I dare not tell him I am leaving to take up an appointment with SKS consulting, I will be called degrading names; Traitor, shameless greedy boy, “Woman wrapper” and all, that is if he doesn’t curse me and call security to throw me out of El-Paso plaza.

The Boss has been taking advantage of me for a long time, I have worked for him with nothing to show for it, and he only paid me on Wednesday to motivate me so we can win the Salman’s job. Why should I consider or even pity him? Ehn..? Why… I need a plan; a way to get out of this, one extra brain won’t be too much to ask for right now Baba GOD.

The soulful sound of the call to prayer from the mosque on my street reminded me it was 5.30a.m as usual, I rolled to the side of my bed, went on my knees and started to pray..

“Dearest God in heaven, I know you love me, I have always seen your hand of favour in all that I have embarked on in my life, thank you now and always, Dear God as you already know, I am confused, worried and scared about the course of my life and successful existence on earth, “Oluwa o” you are the God of wisdom, you blessed David with the wisdom to defeat Goliath and you stood by him, pleased God, I am facing my Goliath now bless me with the wisdom to make the right decision and stand by me through the journey.

Dearest God, I am scared o, but because I have you I will worry no more. Bless my parents, my siblings and my heart; Anike, protect us all from evil now and always. Amen.”

I read the psalms like mum says I should always do and crawled back in to my bed, trying very hard not to worry.
Some minutes passed and my heart beat was increasing again, I pick up my phone and dialed Anike’s number..

“Hello Anike baby mi” I teased trying hard to hide my worries.

“Her husband” she replied.. ” Why is your voice like this Tunde? That your oga has over used my husband again abi? God will kuku deliver you from his claws”

“I think he has”, I thought to myself and continued..

” Are you still coming over?”

“Yes I am, but not as early as I promised, have to take my mum to my tailor but I will come sha…. oh. I see… Someone is missing someone already ehnnn.. Oko iyawo oo” She joked.

I confessed to missing her without the fear of been teased, I also begged her to branch the market on her way down; I have missed her wonderful vegetable soup.

I ended Anike’s call and dialed my mum’s number immediately….

“Maami” I called thinking she wouldn’t know who was calling her this early but she did,

“Ah! oko mi, Babatunde Ajani okin, how are you? How is work? And Anike? I have missed you o…..” She sang in a frail voice..

We discussed other family matters before I confessed my worries, she praised me and reminded me of how promising a son I am, she also promised to pray for me and I know that includes consulting her pastors.

she warned me not to rush anything and I should not discuss this with anyone again, ” if your harvest is bountiful, you do not announce it to the world” to use her exact words. She told me my Dad was attending the Community development association meeting when I finally asked of the old man and promised they will both call me later in the day. She prayed for me as usual and we ended our yarn.

I dropped my phone and tried to clear my head and it rang again, I pick it up and Guess who..?

Its Funke Salman.. “Hello,” she sang with that alluring voice again.

I was so confused I didn’t know how to answer..

“Hellooo!” she sang again,

And I finally mumbled. “Hi, Funke, how are you? How is Alhaji...? ”

“Hey, Babatunde, we are fine, sorry if I woke you up o” she begged.

“its okay” I replied.

“Ehhm, I was thinking if your schedule isn’t too tight for the week we could hang out, one of my girlfriends is having a little birthday party on Wednesday at her house in Magodo and I am officially inviting you as my company, what do u say?”

“Ah, Madam, this is a great honour oo, but…” I tried to reply but she cuts in.

“Babatunde no buts jo, just an atmosphere to gist and get to know each other outside the formal stuffs and you are acting like it s a kidnap… we might soon be colleague you know.. Oya jo.. Let’s start getting use to each other and it’s a great honour for me too”. She begged,

See me o, Funke Salman invite me for date I dey form.., wetin dey do me sef? Babatunde, you better smart up and follow her, this will give you the opportunity to get some info and confirm some things too, abi what do you guys think?

I finally agreed to the date and she told me to wear whatever I like, party time is 5p.m and I will join her in her office.

Immediately Funke was off the line the thoughts of Anike sneaked in to my mind, “if she catch you. Huh.. Babatunde, you are playing with fire” I warned myself. But no shaking jo, it’s me nah, “E.B.A The Phenomenon.”

Well, It is not certain I will take the job yet, some things are not clear to me about the whole thing and The Salmans, is it share luck orchestrated by God that made my Boss send me to SKS?, or The Salmans planned and waited for my Boss to send me over? And that He did. Funke and this her party invitation nko, she wants to flirt with me abi?, it’s obvious, even you guys know, well time will tell…..

My eyes are heavy, I think I will take a nap while I wait for Anike and leave you guys to go about your normal day too.. Thanks for standing by me to this point my people, See you on the other side.

By the way will one of you guys please help and wake me up, if you notice I am talking in my sleep please…..

enjoy it guys, soory you had to wait this long.... thanks for all your comments o... your boy just dey do hin thing ni.. unah head dey dia too... ori yin wan be..!

EPISODE SIX - THE MAN: ALHAJI S.K.SALMAN

“Edwin Babatunde Alexander”. Alhaji called, reviving me from the shock of his initial statement. “We want to build, develop and maintain a vibrant Client Base Development Department for all our businesses at SKS, we know that is what you do at El-paso and you do it very well. We also know you are the “Arrow head”, you know the models and strategies very well and I understand you are not well celebrated too.. Tell me, how much is your annual income?” He asked.

“Two point six million sir” I lied

“Well, that means you earn an average of two hundred and twenty thousand naira monthly? Not bad, any other benefits or grants?” He questioned,
“No sir” I replied, I know this man knew I lied the first time and I won’t lie to him again, he is a very intelligent old man.

“Babatunde,” Alhaji continued, ” I know your Boss does not pay you has and when due, my sources also tells me you are a very intelligent, hard working, and diligent lad, I have noticed you are humble, full of life and handsome too.

What are you doing in El-Paso? Babatunde what?

SKS wants to build a world class Client Base Development Department and you have the job has the overall head if you want it.
To start with SKS will double your present annual income, get you a suitable apartment for your new status, an official car of your choice to go with it and you and your family also have an all expenses paid three week holiday yearly, I choose the destination.” He paused looked in to my eyes, then continued

“To show our commitment that we want you as one of our own, our lawyers can meet to discuss and secure your job legally, so you can do your job with piece of mind, but Babatunde, I am a man of my words, you can do your findings about Salman Kashimawo Salman, you will not be disappointed and Allah is my witness I will treat you like my son” He explained patting me on the shoulder

“Thank you sir, I appreciate your generous offer, but I’ll need time to think about it sir, I am sincerely excited, I can’t make any decision right now, I beg you to give me time to think it through, I will get back to you soon” I requested very gently.

Alhaji continued; ” I know how you feel, Babatunde and sure, I will give you time to take your decision, Allah will guide your path” he gave me another pat on the back as he invited to show me his mansion.

In the garden, Alhaji told me the story of his diligent beginning in Offa a beautiful town in southern Kwara State Nigeria, his missionary school education and how he got a scholarship to study in Kings college London. He returned home in 1974 to work for Kingsway Nigeria Ltd as a junior accountant, there he rose to the position of chief accountant before leaving to start SKS Consulting in 1986, An Accounting, Auditing and Capital Development and Advisory Firm. He told me the sad story of how he lost his beloved wife, Alhaja Meinunat Ibiwunmi Salman to cancer five years ago, the mother of his three kids, Funke Kafilat salman, Sulaiman Kashimawo Salman jnr and Omolabake kareemat Salman.

Alhaji also took time to ask me about my past, my parents and my future plans, I answered diligently and sincerely, he shared fatherly advice with me at some point and I marveled at this man again.

I love this Guy already.

You guys nko?

Funke caught up with us in the garden and walked me to my car, I almost asked her if this was a set up but I was too excited, nervous and tired to talk, I just wanted to get home lock my door and be alone in my room.

I opened the passenger door of the SUV and the red eyes of my friend welcomed me, I apologised lightly, Funke noticed and whispered” eeyaa, I forget to send food to your driver, he must be tired and hungry”, loud enough for my guy to hear.

She opened her purse, squeezed some notes in her hand and stretched it to my “Driver”. I winked and begged him to collect it, I almost laughed loud. I apologized to wole “my driver” and teased him to share his tip with me to lighten the atmosphere.

” How did it go? You nailed it abi” he Asked

“Not yet jare, so how much is your tip?” I joked back

The tip was five thousand naira, we laughed at Funkes gesture and Wole warned me not to have anything to do with her, else he will “do tafofo” for Anike.

I promised to fulfill my end of the deal and I forced another “5k” in his top pocket as I dropped in front of my house.

“Oko Anike baby...!” Wole teased

“Oko Ruth”. I replied before he zoomed off.

Now, I am alone on my bed, tired, hungry, blank, worried, restless, and excited at the same time.

It is going to be a long night and a longer weekend… my people help me o…..

Episode-Five - “Meeting the Salmans”

I smiled at the mirror as I brush my hair, this is the real definition of “fine boy no pimples”. I said to myself, I know some of you will “yinmu”, “Na unah sabi oo” I advise you cook your “beefs” and eat it o, abi how else will you describe a six foot two handsome young man, dressed in expensive, well sown Senegalese styled white caftan, a white cap and a black leather slippers, (Dimeji Bankole style). All courtesy of my sweet Anike baby, one of my numerous gifts while she was observing her one year compulsory youth corp service in kastina state, northern Nigeria.

By the way today is Friday and I am meeting The Salmans.

What else could be the reason behind my hyper-happiness?

Money.. and the fact that I will see that beauty again, “Miss Funke SalMan” a.k.a “come and do eyes”.

I have actually rented a car today, after a lot of begging, treats and promises; one of my “omo Baba olowo” friends will come and pick me at the office with his father’s Nissan Armanda SUV. The cost? A promise to hook him up with Anike’s friend, Ruth and ten thousand naira if he stays in the car through my lunch meeting.

I took a bike to the office has usual, this time it was an old Ijebu man that told me all of his troubled life’s story while I begged God for a save trip to the office on his “So help me God” bike. I got to the office in one piece only to be angered by Ronke, our fat receptionist.

“Good morin, Oga Ba’atunde, you are looking feri fine oo” she mumbled with her conk “Ibadan” accent.

“Morin” I teased back.

“I have told “this one” not to call me “Ba’atunde” again, abi another thing dey there ni?”

When The Boss employed her, he said she is his niece from Ilesha, I wonder how “Ibadan person take relate to ijesha o”, plus rumour has it that Ronke and The Boss are seriously “collaborating”.

”Yeye girl”, her recharge card business has nosedived, thanks to me and The Boss, wonder how much I owe, but when she “sef” wants to do every business nko, she will sell shirts, curf links, even “chin chin and chips” haba.!, now serious alarm dey blow her”, she ties scarf to work, no money to do hair”… I laughed out loud.

Now at the Salman’s residence, I stepped out of my “borrow pose” SUV and marveled at the white structure, with chocolate coloured roof, it’s a masterpiece with two Conspicuously giant pillars guarding the magnificent entrance door, a well mowed lawn to the left and a beautiful white mosque to the right, the central walking areas and walkways tiled with red and white interlocking brick tiles and the car park? Heart breaking.!, one white jaguar, a black Mercedes Benz G-class, another white Mercedes Benz C-class,”4matic”, a white Range Rover Sport Hse and the latest Toyota Camry, black. “My garage in a few years”, I motivated myself, I will just change the Toyota Camry to the latest “Rav4″ for Anike, she loves it.

I noticed Funke’s bright smile from the distance as she walks towards me, dressed in pink and white flowered Indian gown with a white veil, no make-up and this babe is still on point, we exchanged pleasantries with casual hug this time, she confirmed my unique dress sense as she ushered me in… “My guy go dey inside car, na my money dey work”. #wink#

This house is a Pseudo-paradise o, exotic Arabian styled living area, leather sofa? The best I have seen yet, the rugs, paintings and chandelier nko? Lovely. Just has Funke begged me to have my sit her Father appeared from what seems like a staircase corridor, I rushed to my feet and walk towards him?

Alhaji S.K Salman, this man oozes money, Tall average weight fresh light skin man with no strand of hair on his head, a well trimmed white beard, and his slightly big eyeballs, now I know where Funke got the eyes from. He was dressed in a White “Jalamia”.. I made an effort to prostrate but Alhaji held me half way to the ground.” No.. No.., Babatunde, it is forbidden to prostrate for any man except Allah in Islam” he informed as he shook my hand with his baby-soft hand, Still holding my hand he lead me to the luxurious dining area where I could see a well set table, my heart leaped with joy. “When last I chop correct food”.

I tried to introduce myself as we sat down to eat, again, Alhaji told me to save my speech.. “Funke has told me all we need to know about you, I just wanted to meet you that’s all Babatunde, now let’s eat. Do you like fried rice? It’s my favourite” he said, like a father talking to his son.

We ate quietly, very rich fried rice, salad, soft chicken and chilled home-squeezed orange juice, “this is the life my people”. Funke finished her meal first and excused herself, Alhaji and I finished almost at the same time, he asked me if I enjoyed the meal and I confessed I did sincerely.. Then Alhaji S.K Salman Dropped the Bomb;

“Babatunde, I am not giving El-Pas o this contract, I want you to ……..

Episode Four - “Very Good Bad Guy” (V.G.B.G)

…”Dearest God in heaven, Thank you for the gift of life, for loving me and for the loving and caring people you have surrounded me with, I will never worship anyone or anything except thee. “Oluwa mi” I need my boss to pay my money, I am broke, don’t make me beg for food from my enemies Dearest God, Ah! “Baba God” don’t let me die of hunger o… Protect me from all evils, bless my parents, my siblings, my Queen, Anike and bless my boss to pay me my money. In Jesus name I pray… Amen.” I rose to my feet and concluded my early morning prayers with a special praise song and dance...” He has done for me.. He has done for me.. He has done for me. What my father cannot do…

I whistled at first bike I saw, as I lock the gate to my apartment behind me.

”Oba Akran” I proposed to the “omo olope okada boy”, dressed in skinny jeans ,baseball hat and a black Tee-shirt with “AMA Kip Kip” written boldly in front.

”Three hundred naira” he threatened.

“Haba, thirty fiber bawo? Make I give you twenty fiber jo” I slanged, to prove my street credibility.

“Pay twenty five fiber oga, you too fine to dey price okada nah” he teased.

I jumped on the bike and he zoomed off, after a few curses, threats and zigzags we arrive at El-Paso plaza plot 429 Oba Akran, Ikeja.

I rushed into the office and went straight to my desk, Ronke, the fat receptionist hasn’t arrived yet, I sat down took a plain sheet out of one file and wrote my proposal for cash receivable to The Boss..

Outstanding salary — #600,000
Leave grant —————#150,000
(I didn’t even observe this leave o)
Total ————————#750,000

I stapled this list with my “arrangee” SKS list, folded the papers and was about to say a prayer to invoke the “spirit of my mother” to follow my request when the husky voice of my “Pain in the Butts” Boss disrupted the spiritual moment.

”Eddy my boy, how are you today, how are your parents and your wife..? So tell me how did we do at SKS?

I sighed, took a deep breath and tried to cook a fast story for this Selfish man.. Then I started flowing.

“Oga, there is good news and bad news o, the bad news is….”

“Haba Eddy.., Tell me the good news first….” The boss cuts in.

”Ok sir, the good news is I have been able to secure a lunch meeting with Alhaji S.K. Salman himself after gratifying a few people, I was also able to get the Chairman’s personal Assistant on our side, but we may need to “tip the guy” 200k” if we win the contract, and the bad news is we are not the only firm SKS is talking to, I gathered from my sources that they are talking to six firms and we are not too favoured on the list of preference, infact, one “oyinbo” firm is our major problem.” I bullied.

“Ah.!! Eddy, we can’t afford to lose this money oo, what do you advice we do now.. Ehnn? The boss asked with a lot of fear.

“Well, I propose we settle the P.A, I heard he’s a very strong man and Alhaji S.K. Salman listens to him a lot, I am also planning to invite Funke Salman to a business date, but Oga I am broke, if you will just settle my outstanding payments I will have small money to spend on her, I concluded and presented my lists of receivables simultaneously..

My heart was in my mouth as The Boss Scrutinize his debts grumbling..

Then The Boss spoke.. ” Eddy, we can’t pay all your money now o, but I will make you happy my boy, we will pay “400k” from your outstanding salaries, pay your leave grant, settle the SKS expenses, but you need to cut down on these expenses o, we are yet to win the contract sef, then I want us to motivate S.K’s P.A, I will give him a hundred thousand advance but Tell him Eddy, tell him, No one cheats Kosamotu Alake.. No one, if he fails to deliver, he will refund my money, else me and him will have our legs in the same trouser”.

I left the office that day with one heavy cheque in my pocket, a promise of “100.K.” in cash for the supposed P.A tips on Friday morning and I lighter soul, all my worries vanished, I feel brand new and smart. “Person wey wan catch monkey must hold banana, Oga don chop my banana today”. #winkssssssss#

Episode Three - “Miss Funke Salman”

As she walked closer from her end of the Long table to mine, my heartbeat increased, my legs were seriously shaking and my urinary system started to malfunction, I could feel my temperature raise and my suit became heavier… Now I see Madam very well… She’s a beauty, just like my “Anike baby” but different “specs”, ” Her legs? Slim, straight and sexy (SSS), her body frame? Gorgeous! Upper frontal region? Super.!, her eyes? “Oojigbigbi… jigbi… jigbi… jigbi…” Sexy, seductive and a little big. ( Asiwaju style).

Her melodious accent revived me from my lustful slumber.

” Mr Edwin Babatunde Alexander she sang gracefully with a charming smile.

”Madam” I answered informally.

”Please call me Funke Salman” she refuted.

Now that I seem to have her where I want us to be, I became more confident and I continued.

“Pardon my ignorance please, Miss Funke Salman, But you are still our madam”

”Abegi, don’t let the looks deceive you, na naija dem born me oo” madam speaking “pigin”.

”Really” I enquired.

“Yes oo, A few years of education abroad and this is what you get” she added, wiggling as she points to herself with both hands.

”So, Madam Do we have the job?” I. Pressed

”Maybe, just one more hurdle to cross, I took over from the old man recently, I mean Alhaji Salman kashimawo Salman himself, and I don’t have the right to make final financial decisions yet, so he wants to meet with you guys from EL-Paso, you go and tell him the same thing you told my team here then we will reach an agreement and take our decision.. If it will be alright with you, I can arrange lunch with him on Friday at his residence in Ikeja G.R.A., 2:00p.m”.

“Then Friday it is” I answered.

I repeated a few lines from my earlier presentation as we walk towards the elevator, we said our goodbyes and chorus “see you on Friday” as the elevator door closed..

As soon as the elevator started it’s descend. I screamed. “Yesss! Yesss.!! Yesss.!!!” Hitting my chest hard like former Arsenal football club’s star, Theiry Henry does when he scores one of those his magnificent goals.

I strolled majestically out of the office complex, praying she is not looking at me from her pent house office; I took the next bend, just in time to flag down a commercial bus.

“Fine boy, wole pelu change e oo, oshodi seventy naira” the conductor ordered

I sat in the commercial bus a bit more relaxed now then I started to ponder. “Wetin I go tell The boss sef?”, “if we win this contract how will it change my life, Boss must take care of me o, else I will resign”, my debts and living expenses are raising, my landlord will soon bring another bill,

“I go pay Nepa oo, buy water from aboki”, my car will soon arrive from brazil, thanks to my “padi” there, “na money I go use clear that one too”, my younger ones in school need my financial support, my parents and Anike’s parents are another “koko” in this story of the life of a young Lagos hustler.. Hmmmmmm. “Baba God dey”

“…Gala..! Gala...!” I screamed at the boys hustling for their daily needs in Lagos traffic.

“How many Oga” he asked,

”Two abeg, and help me call that boy wey dey sell lacasera too.” I requested.

” Man cannot come and die jare my people”…Abi.?

Episode Two – Two Man Buisness: “The Meeting”

“Good morning” I sang to the  multi-coloured faced receptionist..

 ”Good morning sir”, she sneaked the words out of her mouth like she just got dumped by a man..

 … I am Edwin Babatunde Alexander, I introduced.. ” A senior partner from EL-PASO NIG LTD, I have an appointment with the chairman..

 ”Oh.! Yes.. Yes..” rushing from her desk.. “Follow me please” she said forcing the words out of her mouth once again.. I followed her, shaking my head with a lot of pity for her and thinking.. “Na one yeye boy go break this one heart again oo, but who go marry dis one sef, with all this nigerlux and berger paint for her face.. Abegii.”.. 

 ”in here sir, I’ll inform the chairman of your arrival” speaking a little louder now as she wiggled away.

 I was just admiring the furniture in the luxurious room, when the door clicked..

 Three men and two ladies walked in, Madam wasn’t difficult to recognise. This babe smells like money,White cotton jacket, pink and white striped shirt,a conspicuously short black skirt, beautiful leather shoes and when she turn her behind to sit. “dis madam get wetin boys for streets dey call “KAKAA toh BAHD”"..

 ”Can we start please” madam speaking now, with her unique western accent, it returned me to reality

 ”Mister..”. She was trying to remember my name.

.. “Edwin Babatunde Alexander” I cut in..

“Ok, please let’s hear you” she said..

 Clearing my throat with style and trying to build confidence internally, I started with my lagos trained British accenT

 ”As you have read in our brochure, “Client Base Development” (CBD). Is one of our many specialised fields at EL-PASO Nig Ltd, it is our haven, we live there, we have developed tested and trusted model and strategies that works uniquely to soothe every organisations client base development plans, our clients always thank us for helping them make more money than their financial analyst projected. 

 ..” You wanna make money?” I asked looking at Madam herself straight in the eyes with confidence and my “fine boy” smile giving me back up.

 She looked at me smiled,nodded her head and gave me a wink with her left eye.

 My heart skipped and I almost fell.. Singing “winner oh. Oh.. Oh.. Winner.!!” In my mind I manage to continue with improved confidence now..

 ..”Yes, you want to make money and El’Paso Nig Ltd is your bridge to the dream land. We will help you make a lot of money but you have to trust us and support us so we can deliver, we will be a team, SKS will give us basic information and we will use our world class strategies and models to deliver your desired result in reasonable time.

 In conclusion, we have the contact informations of some of our pasts clients on our website, feel free to do background check on us, that is if you haven’t done that before you started this talk with us.. Thank you.

 I took my sit at the far end of the table, took a sip of my glass of water, and tried not to look at d SKS team as they discuss discreetly.

” You can all leave now” madam ordered.

  I tried to move my chair back and take my leave.. Then madam spoke again,

” Not you Mr…” ” Edwin Babatunde Alexander” I cut in once again with a warmer smile.