₦airaland Forum

yo migines, he is tryin, encourage him, anyways heard that jokes frm ma cousins but in a school setting

Am not gonna admit cos if u dont understand the joke, tell me. am sure u dont kno an hockey rink. LOL

wen did u start to use the internet?

INTERESTING
STUFF
In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb"
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Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden", .and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
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The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
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Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S . Treasury.
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Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
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Coca-Cola was originally green.
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It is impossible to lick your elbow.
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The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:
Alaska
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The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this, )
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The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
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The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $ 16,400
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The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour:
61,000
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Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
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The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
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The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
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Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
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111,111,111 x 111,111,111 =
12,345,678,987, 654,321
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If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
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Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
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Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
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Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
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Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand
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Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All were invented by women.
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Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
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Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
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In Shakespeare' s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase, , "goodnight, sleep tight."
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It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
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In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts, So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down."
It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
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Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.
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At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
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Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
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YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 200 7 when,
1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list. ~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.
Go on, forward this to your friends. You know you want to!

Who cares bout wat other ppls say?

@ben, just say u are dumb and dont understand the frickin joke.

they are so sexy

I'm going ice fishing!
A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.

When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: "There are no fish in there".

So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there.

So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her.

"How do you know there are no fish there?" asks the blonde.

So the man cooly says "Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all, you're going to have to pay for those holes."

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

Men are like, Parking spots.

The good ones are taken.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months-

-I don't like to interrupt her

An Italian, a Frenchman and an Australian are
discussing their relative performance in bed.

The Italian says- "When I've a finsheda makina
da love with my girlfriend I go down and gently
tickle the back of her knees, she floatsa da 6
inches abovea da bed in ecstasy."

The Frenchman replies- "Zat is nothing, when Ah
'ave finished making ze love with my girlfriend
Ah kiss all ze way down her body and zen Ah lick
zer sikes if her feet wiz mah tongue and she
floats ze 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy."

The Aussie says- "That’s nothing, when I've
finished shaggin my Sheila, I get out of bed,
walk over to the window and wipe my cock clean
on the curtains. She hits the f***ing roof!!!!"

A lady walks into a tatto parlor and says "I want
a tattoo of a turkey on the inside of my right
leg, and on the inside of my left leg I want a
tattoo of a Christmas tree"

The guy doing the tattoo goes "Why do you want
tattoos of those things". The lady replies with
"Well because my husband always complains that
there is nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and
Christmas

If you are driving at the speed of light and you
turn on your headlights, can you see them?

What is the difference between making love to a
Flight attendant, a nurse and a schoolteacher?

The schoolteacher will tell you, "We are going
to do this until we get it right.”

The nurse will tell you, "Don’t worry, this
won't hurt a bit.”

The flight attendant will tell you, "Place this
securely over your nose and mouth and continue
to breath normally

A blonde bought a new pair of shoes but told her
husband she couldn’t wear them for three days.
When her husband asked why, she replied, "Because
the shoe salesman said the may not be comfortable
for the first couple of days."

Life: a sexually transmitted disease which
afflicts some people more severely than others

Three guys were standing at the top of the Empire
State Building in NYC. The first guy says to the
second, "You know, the wind currents are so
strong here in NYC that one could step off the
edge of the building and literally float in
mid-air due to the upward thrust of the thermal
air current."

"No way, man, you're crazy," said the second guy
to the first. So the first guy steps off the edge
of the building and justs floats in mid-air for
about 20 seconds and then returns to the roof of
the building.

The second guy is simply thrilled and says,
"Watch me do that" as he steps from the edge roof
into the open air. Of course he falls like a
stone straight down all the way to the waiting
pavement below--SPLAT!

The third guy, who has remained quiet the entire
time, leans over to the first guy and say, "You
know something Superman, sometimes you can be a
real asshole!"

Just after Lorenna Bobit brutally cut off her
husband's penis, she jumped into her car and sped
away.

On her way down the highway, holding her husbands
penis in her hand, she decided to throw it out the
window. She opened her window and tossed the penis
as far as she could and sped away again.

Meanwhile two locals who were driving down the
same highway happened to cross right by Lorenna
just as she tossed it out the window and the penis
hit their windshield smack dab in the middle.
Stunned but still quiet the two locals drove on.
About three miles down the road one local turned
to the other and said "Man, Did you see the size
of the dick on the Mosquito?"

Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

All men are idiots and i married their KING

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns
to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes
that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye
patch.

The seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the
peg-leg?"

The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea,
and I was swept overboard into a school of
sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a
shark bit my leg off."

"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"?

"Well, ", replied the pirate, "We were boarding
an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors
with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."

"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you
get the eyepatch"?

"A seagull dropping fell into my eye.", replied
the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the
sailor asked incredulously.

"Well, ", said the pirate, ", it was my first
day with the hook."

never knew she waz a lady

Yo i live toronto, malvern to be precise, i never insult ladies cos their cute

LOL, u guys eloped on the net?

Oh yeah, who waz present?

Oh she is a gal, hey am sorry migines piss off, u trying to take her away?

asshole, u doubting me. There waz no snow where i lived yesterday 11/22/07 but right now its snowing 11.23.07, punk

kronkyplay, u trying to rip me off? tell ur old man he is getting at least a dime

If you don't like the way I drive, get off the
sidewalk

Yo guys wats the situation like in nigeria?

Flooreeda, she means in um, somewhere in africa?