₦airaland Forum

A man with a winking problem is applying for a
position as a sales representative for a large
firm.

The interviewer looks over his papers and says,
"This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the
best schools; your recommendations are wonderful,
and your experience is unparalleled.

Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought.
However, a sales representative has a highly
visible position, and we're afraid that your
constant winking will scare off potential
customers. I'm sorry, we can't hire you."

"But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll
stop winking!"

"Really? Great! Show me!"

So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket
and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red
condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored
condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet
of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills,
and stops winking.

"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and
good, but this is a respectable company, and we
will not have our employees womanizing all over
the country!"

"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily
married man!"

"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"

"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into
a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"

There was this guy & he had just bought a brand
new Farrari F-50 and he was taking it for a
cruise. He was stopped at a red light and this
little boy on a mopehead stopped next to him and
was at awe over the car.

He asked the guy if he could take a quick look
inside and he agreed. Just as he was getting out
of the car the boy asked the man how fast his car
could go and he said. "Oh, around 175-200. Want
to see?" Of course the boy nodded and waited for
the light to turn green. The man took off at a
very high rate of speed.

As he was traveling down the road he saw a
little light catching up with him and then flew
right past him. 'no! it couldnt be the boy on the
mopehead could it?" He asked to himself. Then the
light came flying back and went way behind him.
The guy then ralized that it indeed WAS the boy
on the mopehead. Then the light started to catch
up with him again. He slowed down a bit to catch
up with the boy to find out exactly how he got
the little bike to go that fast and in a stunned
voice the boy looked at the man and said, "Would
you mind taking my suspenders off your rear view
mirror?"

A lonely reporter, sent out west to cover the
goldrush, walked into a small town bar. He asked
one of the local prospectors seated at the bar
what they did for female companionship.

"Bleep sheep," the fellow replied.

After verifying that the few local saloon girls
were indeed so ugly that sheep looked good, he
resolved to remain celibate. But after several
months he broke down and went out and cornered a
nice sheep and took it to his hotel room to wine
and bed it. The next day when he took his
4-legged concubine to the bar for a drink,
everybody stared at him like he was crazy.

"You goddamn bunch of hypocrites!" he shouted,
"You've been fucking sheep for years, and now
that I have gone as low as you, you all stare at
me like I'm a crazy pervert!"

A cowboy in the back of the room then spoke up,
"But tenderfoot, that's the sheriff's gal!"

The little boy walks into his father's bedroom and
catches him putting on a condom.

He says, "What are you doing, Pop? The father
stutters "I'm going to kill a mouse, son."

The kid says, "What are you going to do, Bleep him
to death?"

One day little Annie was at the park with her
mother. "Gee, my hands are cold." Said little
Annie. "Well, just put your hands in between your
legs, and they'll be all warm." Replied her
mother. "Gee, that works!" Said little Annie.
Later on that night, little Annie was at little
Johny's house. "Gee my hands are cold." Said
little Johny. "Well," little Annie thought, "If
you put your hands in between my legs, then
they'll be warm, if it worked for me, then it
should work for you." So little Johny did that.
Now little Johny started thinking. "Man, my
head's cold." Said little Johny. "Well, put
you're head in between my legs. If it worked
for your hands, then it'll work for your head."
Said little Annie. Now little Johny really
started thinking. "Man, my penis is freezing!"
Said little Johny. "Well, put your penis in my
legs, if it worked for your hands and your head,
then it'll work for your penis." Said little
Annie. Later on that night, little Annie was in
the shower. "What are you in the shower for?"
Asked little Annies mother. "Well, when that
penis unthaws, it sure does make a hell of a
mess." Replied little Annie.

There was a mother that had a daughter, Mary,
that always sucked her thumb. Upset by this,
Marys mother told her that if she continued to
suck her thumb, her body would swell up.
Frightened, Mary stopped sucking her thumb. One
day Mary and her mother were crossing the street
and Mary saw a prostitute with big breasts. Mary
pulled away from her mother, walked up to the
prostitute and said, "Lady, I know what you've
been sucking"

On this morning a woman and her baby was taking
public transportation. As she entered the bus the
driver says "Wow that is one ugly baby."

The woman deeply hurt just continued on the bus
and found a seat next to an elderly man. The man
asks "What's wrong you look mad?" She replied,
"I am. That bus driver just insulted me."

"You shouldn't take that from him." the man
replied. "He's a public worker and should give
you respect. If I was you I would take down his
badge number and report him." You're right sir I
think I will report him.

The elderly man says, "You go on up there and get
his badge number and I'll hold your monkey for
you."

Two guys in a life raft in the middle of
the ocean.

One sees an old bottle floating. He picks
it up and rubs it, and a genie comes out.

The genie says, "For letting me out, I will
grant you one wish."

The guy says, (without thinking) "Turn this
ocean into beer". And the ocean turns into
the best beer anybody has ever tasted.

The second guy says to the first, "You idiot,
now we'll have to piss in the boat".

A man walks in to a bathroom and sees a man with
no arms standing at a urinal. The man pays no
attention to him and starts to wash his hands.
Suddenly the man with no arms says, “Hey buddy,
do you think you could help me out here?” The man
thinks to himself, well he can't do it alone, I
guess I have to help him. He then reluctantly
says ok.

The handicap man asks him to pull it out. The man
does and starts walking away. The man with no
arms asks him to help maneuver his penis out.
Once again then man was not to fond of the idea,
but agreed. He did it quickly and ran back to
wash his hands. Then the man with no arms says,
“You know I'm making a mess over here, do you
think you could hold it and point it for me.”
Well the man wants no part of this but once again
decides that he can't do it himself so it would
be kind of him to help.

When he looks down, he sees a dick with puss and
pimples and nasty shit all over it. He looks at
the guy with no arms and says, “What the hell is
wrong with your dick?” The guy pulls his arms out
of his sleeves and says, "I DON'T KNOW BUT I'M NOT
TOUCHIN THE FUCKER!"

What if people bought cars like they buy
Computers?

The car companies don't have help lines
for people who don't know how to drive,
because people don't buy cars like they
buy computers, imagine if they did,

Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help
you?

Customer: I got in my car and closed the door and
nothing happened!

Helpline: Did you put the key in the ignition slot
and turn it?

Customer: What's an ignition?

Helpline: It's a starter motor that draws current
from your battery and turns over the engine.

Customer: Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How
come I have to know all these technical terms to
use my car.

Helpline: Toyota Helpline, how can I help you?

Customer: My car ran fine for a week and now it
won't go anywhere!

Helpline: Is the gas tank empty?

Customer: Huh?  How do I know?"

Helpline: There's a little gauge on the front
panel with a needle and markings of 'E' and 'F'.
Where is the needle pointing?

Customer: It's pointing to 'E'. What does that
mean?

Helpline: It means you have to visit a gasoline
vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can
install it yourself or pay the vendor to install
it for you.

Customer: What? I paid $18,000 for this car!
And your telling me I to keep buying more
components? This is outrageous! I want a car that
comes with everything built in!

Helpline: Ford Helpline, how can I help you?

Customer: Your cars suck!

Helpline: What's wrong?"

Customer: It crashed, that's what's wrong!

Helpline: What were you doing?

Customer: Well I wanted to go faster, so I pushed
the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor, It
worked for a while and then it when off the road
at a corner and crashed and it won't start now!

Helpline: It's your responsibility if you misuse
the product. What do you expect us to do about it?

Customer: I expect you to send me one of the
latest versions that doesn't crash!

Helpline: BMW Helpline, how can I help you?

Customer: Hi, I just bought my first car, and I
chose your car because it has automatic
transmission, cruise control, power steering,
power brakes, power door locks, power seats,
power, "

Helpline:  Well,, thanks for buying one of our
top of line cars. So how can I help you?

Customer: Well, how do I work it?

Helpline: Do you know how to drive?

Customer: Do I know how to what?

Helpline: Do you know how to drive?

Customer: Look, I'm not a mechanic. I'm not even
very technical.  I just want to go places in my
new car!

Yo mamma is so dumb she sat on the tv and[s][/s] watched the couch

ask faze where for the mental home he did his video KOLOMENTAL

funny man, so the number of times the wife's being cheating is used for their meal. lol [s][/s]

dryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee[s][/s]

[s]stupid u just[ insulted ur parents[/s]