₦airaland Forum

BLESSED be the name of the LORD
Most High
For His immeasurable grace and mercies
From generation to generation!

For me, I think it should not be whether I love her more or if she loves me more. I think the real issue is: whether you love the person enough to want to marry her/him.

There are some character traits we look out for in the opposite sex before we make our choices.
Compatibility: Are we compatible socially, academically, emotionally, religiously, etc
Love: Do both of you love each other enough to want to marry.
Do you share the same outlook to life?
There are lot of issues both of you must come to terms with,
and if both of you now discover that you both will be a good partner for each other,
Then the issue of who love the other the more will not arise, 'cos that in itself is not enough to guarantee a good relationship.

This seems to be a general issue. I experienced this myself.

DREAM: This is the nurturing process of your seed.

To achieve anything significant, you must first imagine and dream it!

Lead on, Lord Jesus,
We follow, not with fears,
For gladness breaks like morning
Lead on, O God of might

Thy grace has made us strong,
and now, Lord Jesus,
We lift our hands in worship!

Put on the full armour of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes

EPHESIANS 6:11

PHILIPPIANS 2:13

For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose.

Therefore God exalted Him to the highest place
and gave Him the name that is above every name,

That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

PHILIPPIANS 2:9-11

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus,

who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God,
something to be grasped.

PHILIPPIANS 2:5-6

HEBREWS 11:4

By faith Abel offered God a better sacrifice than Cain did.
By faith he was commended as a righteous man,
when God spoke well of his offerings.
And by faith he still speaks, even though he is dead.

ISAIAH 55:3

Give ear and come to me,
hear me, that your soul may live,
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.

Dear, what next, everybody in this thread is saying the same thing.
I think it is very obvious.
If you don't want to pick the pieces of your heart
MOVE ON!!!

It simply means she has been unfaithful dating two people at the same time.
Do you want to go ahead and marry a lady that is cheating on you.
Beware after marriage you come back to nairaland to do a posting
looking for advice on how to solve marital problems

But in Nigeria, some corporate organisations don't just do it when they want to employ, some even do it periodically for some classes of staff.

If you want somebody to love you, start by loving somebody.

You can be nice by being yourself

It all depends on the people concerned. To some homes, it is not an issue while,
in other homes it is the most important law in that household

The woman's loyalty is first to the husband, even as she extends her loyalty to her parents, she must also extend loyalty to her parents in-law.

REAL TRUTH:
@tnk24 : Sometimes the way and manner we admonished people as christians scares me.You saying you don't want her to divorce,but you re suggesting separation.Don't you know the last that precede divorce is separation?What if in the process the man ended  up sleeping with other girls or the lady in question had to start sleeping with other guys?As for me, I can't  tell you not to divorce or stay put in that relationship,,use ur head my sister!!!

Real Truth, to avoid repeating myself, go back and read what I wrote. I encouraged her to make her marriage work, but rather than being beaten by the man and who knows loosing her life in the process, separation was advised as the last resort. During separation, what if the man becomes remorseful and decides to change and maybe give his marriage a second chance. Mind you, separation is not a divorce.

superjet, after my reply to your post, I then went back to read other people's response, from the very first to the very last (pending new replies) and believe me, they all spoke (wrote) very well. Somewhere along the line, you wrote about your husband being your first date, about having kept yourself, and if 'THIS' is the reward you will get for your effort - Like we all have said, forget about blaming yourself, forget about the regrets. You need to get healed and for that healing to take place, YOU MUST FIRST FORGIVE YOURSELF and like shushu said - you need to get yourself occupied, you know recreation, sports, dance and anything that will make you happy. Cheers!

Your story is well detailed, and a sad one? Yes. Why, because it is the dream of every young lady (guy inclusive) to have a successful marriage. Normally, I should have read others response before making my contribution to avoid repetition, but I decided against that so that I can give my advice without any assumption.

Let's take a look at the foundation of your relationship with your husband.

First, he was dating your friend when you met him and not long after he started dating you.

Secondly, he said it was revealed to him through a trance that you were his wife. A qualified Marriage Counsellor will disprove of that. Even in cases where God reveals one's spouse through whatever means, it is the responsibility of the person with the vision to pray that God should equally reveal same to the other person and, even at that, the guy should have proposed to you without bringing in God into it. But saying you were and still a Christian, it is surprising that you were not able to do the right thing but, rather depending on someone else to tell you that a certain guy you were not sure of is your husband.

Thirdly, you said something about not getting attracted to him physically, while some might argue this but again, a counsellour will tell you that you need to be physically attracted to your intended husband, even though that is not the first thing to look out for when choosing a life partner but, it is definitely a necessity.

Fourthly, your father never approved of your marriage to your husband. Taking a look at the four flaws mentioned above for lack of space, it was very clear that you made a wrong choice of a husband.

Well, we all make mistakes and, that mistake has already been made. The next question is: What is the next step for you to take.

As Christians, we know that divorce is not an option here: You must do everything necessary to safe your marriage since you are already married to him. PRAY, SEE A MARRIAGE COUNSELLOR, AND TRY YOUR BEST TO WIN HIM OVER BY YOUR ACTION. But if everything else fail, then: SEPARATION IS THE ANSWER. You need to move on with your live and more importantly, you need to stay alive to train those kids.

It is definitely not going to be easy, but this is where you need God more than ever before. PEACE!


Note: Separation is not divorce, you are still married to your husband but, both of you will live separately.

wiseguy:
WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP

Hey, decent language please

If you don't appreciate Obasanjo, it doesn't mean others do not appreciate him. Respect people's choices

Commendation for Baba, at least you can't tell me he did not achieve a single thing in office


While he was in office, he was the father of the nation, that's why the baba

Obasanjo might not have been perfect. But hey, I think he deserve some commendation from Nigerians

With what I have read on this thread, not that I am surprised,
if Baba was to walk the street of Nigeria without security men,
I am beginning to think people here might even do more than the people in London

Pepeye:
Sorry to disappoint u he doesn’t have any clouts anymore

I disagree with you. Baba still has some clout.

Exposing Nigerians involved in the Halliburton Corruption Scandal or any scandal at all is always a welcome development.
But I think they should go beyond investigating or setting up any committee and at the end of the day, nothing happens
to the report submitted. Those found guilty should be prosecuted and be made to refund whatever amount looted by them,
so that this will serve as a deterrent to others.

Pardon me. But I think your story has little depth to attract the kind of views you will need to work with.
For any relationship to succeed, it must be a union of two forgivers, you must be open and approachable
to each other and exhibit the spirit of humility and maturity.

Does he miss you? It is possible both of you are in the same shoe, waiting for who will make the first move.

This depends on individuals involved. They must be honest and open to each other.
We have cases where women reduce their age for whatever reason and she don't get to tell her partner,
the guy now thinks he is older not knowing that is not the case.

Just as iice said, it's about compatibility, maturity and love.

Keep yourself busy with something very tangible.