₦airaland Forum

Liftedhands:
You can put a slice of ginger in your mouth instead of always chewing gum, it should help .

Thanks dear

Goodmorning to all wonderful mamas in the house........Please im having some soreness I'm my mouth due to excessive chewing of gum due to salivation....please how can I remedy this as my mouth hurt a whole lot.........

Netanyahu1:
The way I see it is that you are at peace with God and God is at peace with you.

The pastor on the other hand is just trying to be your puppet master and you have completely rebelled against that, and I commend you for it. Whatever judgement comes out of this is not much of a problem as I think you can play along and handle it maturely in order to keep your home .

The bigger problem however, is the fact that your husband has become a puppet to one of those Pharisees that call themselves pastor ,they tell him how to run his home through " Jesus Christ our Lord" . Let your husband know that until he decides who condemns his wife and who can't, he's not man enough.

Ah u mean I should outrightly tell him that he isnt man enough...So sorry I can't o....

eezeribe:
Queen,can't you just forget about the church or decide to be a floor member?
Is there anything special that people gain from going to church that non goers or outright atheists don't gain?
Maybe you should consider worshiping in another branch.
Try and convince your husband to support any decision you make.
YOU DO NOT OWE THAT CHURCH ANY APOLOGY AND TO HELL WITH THAT INVITED PREACHER FOR NOT RESPECTING YOUR DECISION TO SIT DOWN AND PRAY.

I know you are married and this would complicate your decision...

Well in my honest opinion , I feel humans are social beings and there's no way u won't feel a need to interact and relate with other people, maybe that's what I go to do in church, it's the reason why I'm married, Ull need a companion, somewhere to share it joy, fear, sadness etc with..I honestly think that's the whole essence

lefulefu:
UnknownQueen u don't owe that church any apology? Na wetin u do sef? Haba. If it was me and my wife was treated like dat i wont even waste time leaving that church or searching for another branch to attend.this is why i like catholic church. In the catholic church u can easily move to one parish if u not comfortable with the current parish u attending. Can't u convince ur husband that u both should leave that branch and look for another branch to attend? This is the only solution i see in this issue. If u still remain there they will keep on humiliating u. Just look at the four lists they gave to u. Na wa.

There's another branch close to my house that I can actually go to but I don't know how he will take that....however if I continue going with him to the church I'll quietly leave the group and hand over their change with me...I'm their treasurer...

Bidobado:
Stick to your guns... If you haven't offended God or man, why apologise. Set yourself free.

Thanks Bidobado

eezeribe:
Queen,can't you just forget about the church or decide to be a floor member?
Is there anything special that people gain from going to church that non goers or outright atheists don't gain?
Maybe you should consider worshiping in another branch.
Try and convince your husband to support any decision you make.
YOU DO NOT OWE THAT CHURCH ANY APOLOGY AND TO HELL WITH THAT INVITED PREACHER FOR NOT RESPECTING YOUR DECISION TO SIT DOWN AND PRAY.

I know you are married and this would complicate your decision...

Yesterday, My husband and I discussed at length what went down between The preacher and I.....Just like I presumed he insisted that I was rebellious which was actually true but I gave him reasons why I actually acted all that out but then he stated emphatically that my reasons were only good enough for me alone, that at that moment the man was an authority and I shouldnt have resisted anything he demands of me, Also stating that I should have used wisdom in dealing with the issue but I was outright rebellious and which also passes off as been rude, he admitted that he also doesn't believe in all that repetitive , fire fire prayers but that I was in the midst of a large congregation with almost same belief when it comes to prayer and faith, And that I should have known there will be consequences for my actions if I become disobedient...
He stated further that my reasons are not good enough for anyone to hear as they'll always support the man if not for him being a man of God also for him being older than I..
Finally he said I need people to co exists with that I can't say I will not have anything to do with the church again, he says who then will be the shoulder I'll cry and Leann when trouble looms?..

I 'm just in a fix..

But regardless, I'm not apologizing to the man nor the church , anyone can do that on my behalf......('ll rather loose my marriage than do that, I've promised myself that.)

Cc: RandyX
IamPato
Netanyahu1
lefulefu
UDUJ
Bidobado


UPDATE ON TOMORROW'S JUDGEMENT

I Haven't been in church for two weeks now, the first week I went for an enrollment in another branch of the church.
The Second week which was yesterday, I had a guest (a close family member) and stylishly told my hubby i won't be going, he understood with me...
And been worried by some of the members who thought I stabbed church because of the vigil incidence, they decided to hold a meeting as regards that and so this morning an elderly member of the group was sent to me....
She said they all agree that I'll do 4 things.


1) Apologize to the group ( I have no problems with this ) for my family and loved one's sake.
2) Apologize to the Vicar of my church...
3) Find any means possible and apologize to the invited guest....(She said they said that I must find him and go apologize)
4) The Vicar will call me out before the church and make me apologize myself or does the apology on my behalf......


No 1 & 2.... I can do for peace sake...
No 3 & 4 ....Will be hard for me to do and I know the consequences therefore....(Outright suspension from the group , which I have no problems with)....

But I'm just considering the psychological effect this might have on my dear husband and kid...

I insist that I didn't offend the Pastor nor the church......I have made that peace with myself and not perturbed by what the whole church thinks....but again they all think I'm wrong and rebellious....

Now Ive come to seek your guidance, What do I do?

survivor1986:
Still looking for a celebrity that wizkid is taller than.

M.I

JONNYSPUTE:
....Hahahahah. The truth is always bitter.

What u term truth is subjective..

JONNYSPUTE:
. .The guy was right . You ve already made up your mind to be rebellious and that's why you ve refused to listen to the people asking you to just say you are sorry and allow the matter close instantly,rather you prefer does ones asking you not to humble yourself. Let's see if they will be there if this small issue breaks your matrimonial home. Keep listening to wrong advice. Finally,check urself to know why you heart is with so much bitterness and hatred,I doubt your husband due to his awkward religious belief, gives you enough sex. Yes I said it,you are not a happy woman,sort it out with your husband and stop washing ur dirty linings in the public.

Screw Yourself asshole....

tomdon:
Your heart is the devil's abode. Haba Why is it that your heart desires are just chaos and rebellion??

Because I don't walk in people's shadow......

Bidobado:
You have a reason for rebelling... Address that and you'll find a way forward. If your reasons have substance and you believe in them, then stick to your guns and also deal with the consequences, in the long run, you'll be free.

Deal.

Bidobado:
You are an adult, a mother and a wife... Yes you messed up by rebelling in such a childish manner, but regardless, do not let anyone humiliate you or treat you like a child.

How do I?
I need ur guidance...

lefulefu:
traits of a cult like church where u have an egocentric religious leader. Talk to to ur husband and convince him u guys should break away from that church.

If u check my responses well about those who asked same question, u"'ll see that my husband will rather choose the church over me, he has been committed to the church right from cradle and won't have me rebel against the church.....

UPDATE ON THE EXPECTED JUDGEMENT.


SO IT RAINED YESTERDAY AND SO MANY PEOLE BOYCOTTED THE REHEARSALS, I DIDN'T GO AS WELL COS I KNEW IT WOULD BE POSTPONED TILL NEXT WEEK..SO ILL FILL THE HOUSE ON WHAT GOES DOWN NEXT WEEK...


WAITING PATIENTLY.....

Holymann:
There was a way out at the beginning of this mess, but pride didn't let you see it.
When he asked if you were pregnant or cold, a simple YES would have ended the drama. but because you felt he was praying the wrong way, you ignored him.
Another chance presented itself when your pastor came to you, but you ignored him too (if you had told him you weren't ok then, shit wouldn't have gotten to this stage)
IMO, the only way out (if you want to keep your home) is to apologize to the church. leaving the church will only damage your husband's reputation in the church and his work place to an extent (i remember you said he got his job thru a vip in the church).

I wasn't standing close to the Pastor, he spotted me from afar, and asked from the altar , so u expected me to shout from where I was that I was pregnant so he could hear me


When my pastor came to hit me at the back, I already covered myself up with my wrapper and I couldn't see him but I knew he was the one hitting me, but I didn't say anything because I was madly provoked already, yes I was provoked and couldn't react to him at that moment......

Yes I've been thinking of the consequences my today's actions would have on my family (husband and children) I've accepted to apologize for the sake of my family....but continuing going to the church is a no no ....Cos henceforth things can never be right, besides I'll be going to church to warm the bench just like I've been doing, but it will be worse after the scene that played out between the invited preacher and I.

Wiseandtrue:
I wish you the best and God who sees everything directs you in what to do and say.

All the best!

Thanks dear.

Wiseandtrue:
A visiting pastor Then he made that remark openly

He could have called you afterwards and reprimand you if need be.

The Church is not your pastors it's the Lords

If truly he understood you, then he should have just advise you and move on.

Your occupation is not an easy one coupled with the fact that you have other domestic chores and children to look after

Women are really trying

It's your husband who needs to understand you more and like I said when next such happens and he insists you go with him, go then excuse yourself then when you feel better, you join the congregation again

Someday, he would see the efforts you are putting in and he will understand

Men's reactions are different from each other, he would come around

The laundry Job is a discussion for another day....Not easy is an understatement, it's terribly not easy @ all....
I'll go for the verdict today and brief the house pn how everything unfolds.......

Wiseandtrue:
So the cramp normally happens when you are in the church

You need a conviction within yourself shall on why you have to believe in the ALMIGHTY and not be forced to go to church.

While you are at It, to avoid calamity in your marriage like I said do it wisely before your husband thinks the reason for your avoidance is because you are possess!

Some pastors can be overzealous so don't allow anyone to cause katakata for your marriage

This is Africa! Go and see the pastor first so that next time he sees you or someone sitting he would realise that the person might be in pains.

Talk more with your husband, let him understand you. Remember that your children are also watching, don't pass a wrong message across!

Are unemployed or a house wife

The Pastor is an invited guest...

I've seen my own pastor and he understands me well , he only said he understands that I wasn't feeling too okay but I should have just stayed at home instead of coming but of course he wasn't happy that all that scene happened in his own church.

As regards my faith, I didn't say I don't believe in God , I'm just not a religious person......I'm convinced about my beliefs and faith in the creator and I stand by it......

I'm not a full time housewife, I'm self employed, I run a laundry business and into some side jobs.

WhoBeThisMan:
they are right. You probably should serve your punishment and move on. You had no reason whatsoever to be in the choir if you do not wholeheartedly believe in the ductrines of that church.

What you did is more of rebellion, if you are a Christian you would know from versions examples in the Bible that God doesn't support rebellion in His house no matter tge condition.

If you don't like a church or their ductrines just silently leave

. Just humbly serve your punishment and move on.

I have no problems with serving punishment bro, if it's what they want it's fine na...I can't force my self to be part of a group where I'm not accepted due to my actions, but continuing to attend the church is what I'm worried about cos obviously It would be more of pain to me going to church,and my hubby I'm sure would be displeased if I attend a different church......I'm sure he won't accept it.....

WhoBeThisMan:
what WENT down pls explain

When I see him again, I'll remind him of everything he said to me at the vigil, how he was making unnecessary jests saying Amen and Awomen when people's voices weren't loud enough, I'll also remind him of how he revolted and left his main church and went ahead to establish his own church thereby packing a whole lot of members with him when he couldn't be obedient and submissive to his boss.....This are the things I'll remind him of ....I've done it before and I can do it again, but I just don't want problems for my family...I'm just caught in a web...but trust me if I'm giving the microphone to talk , I'll say things that are not unwarranted no matter how hard I try...I don't think I'm sane enough to just let things slide especially when the reality is everything he asked me to do is against my faith and still they want an apology for it, trust me it will not be easy, if I actually do that ,I'll never be able to forgive myself...

Wiseandtrue:
You are scared of his decision and you are behaving the opposite

Sometimes you don't have to wash your dirty linens in the public

We're you tired to stand or just being stubborn

I personally believe that your belief should be between you and God but do it wisely

You could stand up then excuse yourself if you weren't able to stand for long

Gradually you will sort it out with your husband!

You need to go and see the pastor and explain yourself before the d-day to prevent what you are afraid of

I was too tired to stand and had stomach cramps in the process, so I was going to reluctantly stand and then he started saying, look at how reluctantly she wants to stand, or are u pregnant?, this one shouldnt be a member of the choir oo, stand up now, which I did, immediately the prayer started I bent my head backwards towards the chair and after few minutes I sat, my anger wasn't even about standing, what infuriated me most was that he saw that I was down and weak but he felt he wanted to do me a favour by asking me pray whatever problems I came with off....That I don't believe in.

@ RandyX , thanks so much...I'll do as uve said.....
@

Berlyn1:
for your mind , you are doing your family a favor

Yes a very big favour, I wish I could do the opposite .

walex2:
all these people advising you doesn't live with you at home. to be a servant of God will have to be broken.
also considered that your husband happiness is your happiness, don't ridicule your husband, swallow your pride and unconditionally apologise to the member of your church, if you disregard this and decide to leave the church, your husband will not even have a biblical principle to encourage or even advice any member of the church, they will remind him that he can not even control his own wife.

You're right!!!!!

That's the web I'm caught in between...

Pretending to be a Christian and win my family's love or rather Rebel and put my marriage in chaos...

I' have always forced myself to doing the former, but most times I get hurt because I see it as getting to please a group of people as against my wish and heart desires....

Berlyn1:
no one is forcing you to be a Christian madam ...you sounded like you were being force to become one ....

No one can force u to be one u can only pretend to be one....I'm just doing this for the love of my family.

walex2:
The guest minister was right, you are not suppose to be a minister because you are not yet born again
you went to church just only to please your hubby
you joined the choir because you felt you have a good voice.

be sober and ammend your ways

Yes I said earlier in my post that I go to church just to please my hubby, i joined the choir cos I love to sing, I believe in a creator, but I ain't a religious fanatics, I respect my family so much and I would nt let them in the Know about my belief and faith cos it will hurt them......@ least not now. .

I can't be sober and amend my ways, I simply don't believe in praying like the Pharisees and Saducees in the synagogue, with vain and repititive requests thinking God will hear them.....I simply don't believe in that and one man of the people won't force dat down on me.

CaptJeffry:
Wake up every Sunday morning, prepare your kids for church, sit right back and cook Sunday rice biko. Your husband should understand.

How can people be worried over silly things as this

This is what I love to do but my hubby I'm scared of his decisions afterwards.....

Please come to my aid...I'm a hot soup...

Headlesschicken:
You must be attending all this mushroom churches,in my church no-one would even notice you....

I wouldn't have been noticed, I don't like to be noticed in church but given that I am or was a member of the choir, everyone noticed.

sexy74:
If I may ask, what is your husband saying about this?
Will he because he wants to be among he will allow his wife to be humiliated by an association?
As him his opinion then I will tell you what to do:

After the incident, I briefly explained to my hubby what happened but I didn't go into details cos I don't know what his responses will be,
When my hubby wants to have deep discussions with me he ensures he is not very angry and finds a time when I'm in a light mood before bringing up anything...So yesterday after church service, he said he would like to have a very important discussion with me and that I should remind him if he forgets, so I suspected someone already gave him the 411 of what went down at the vigil, I have not reminded him yet and he's yet to discuss anything deep with me, I'm afraid our discussions might lead to marital crises, because I know my husband too well, he would choose the church over me any day any time, he was once their youth president and he got his present job via a vip in the church, plus he is a function member of the choir with key responsibilities in his care....Sincerely I don't know how to go about this....

RandyX:
First and foremost, why did the pastor ask everyone to stand up?

Did he ask a question that required a stand or sit response? For example: Can those who believe in Jesus please stand? And you remained sitted?

Second, Was it a tradition of the church to stand up for certain prayers? Is this documented in their doctrine?

Or Was he just asking people to just get up so they can start stamping their feet on the ground and shouting because of something he had said in the heat of the moment?

If it's for the third reason, please kindly leave that church. The pastor must be a megalomaniac. Churches where gossip and judging amongst its members is encouraged by the pastor as a result of a personal issue not one divinely mandated, should be avoided at all costs.
Example: A church where the pastor whips it's members for not singing in a high enough voice or where the members victimize another who came to report a spiritual issue they are having, or where a sinner confesses to the church seeking forgiveness and the pastor reveals his/her sin to the congregation to ridicule/punish that person

Indeed for all of the above reasons he has no right to punish you as God himself sees our hearts and knows who really wants to serve Him. God himself would do the punishing if he sees fit.

What he should have done was to caution you in private. If he is a true shepherd, he risks losing your soul by such behaviour, what sort of shepherd places his pride before the well being of his sheep?

Modified: I just read your post again and i see it's the third reason. My dear, I know how you feel, we all serve God in our best ways and you do not belong there. Please find an old generation church like Catholic to attend, where worship is done in reverence and orderly manner not going radical, leave these people who think going crazy in the presence of God is a godly habit. Let God be the judge.

Hi bro.....To think the church i attend is an Anglican Church, but the said preacher on that day was an invited guest (C.A.C pastor), And u know how radical those guys are....forcing there manner and style of prayer down ur throat.....I have never been a fan of that , but unfortunately I was caught in the web, I wanted to give the Pastor the piece of my mind right at the moment but I kept my cool just because of my family.....I really wished I could see the Pastor..I'll remind him of all that WENT down btw us.