Dear Diary,

Today, I found that the best place to cry is in my mother’s arms.

Don’t mothers and daughters fight more than they ever laugh? Well, we had the ‘fight’, and she won. She won as a mother, a concerned mother who understood her child’s pain and bore it along with her.



What particularly gets me is how my mum just knows everything. She understands what your laugh means, and can tell the difference between that laugh and a smile, and our little fake “Mum, I said I’m fine!” Especially when we are definitely not fine.

I know you’re curious about what exactly happened, but get your hankies ready; I’m taking you on an emotional ride. 🥺

It was a bright and sunny Saturday afternoon, but inside, I was devastated, stuck in a job that drained me, and my discontent was always written all over my face.

As a fresh graduate, I found myself in a space I knew nothing about. I had taken courses to upskill, followed instructions to the letter, but it just wasn’t enough.

Then one day my mum looked at me with those wise, caring eyes and said, “It’s time to move on, baby girl. It’s time to resign.”

I thought she didn’t have a clue what she was talking about. Like babe, resign? You and who? And do what? Stay home and do dishes? Lol.

So I stayed, convinced it was just a phase. I stayed, believing that as a Gen-Z, I understood the times and seasons better than she did.

“She’s old-school,” I told myself, dismissing her advice.

But the devastation only grew. Reality began to dawn on me, comparisons set in, self-esteem dropped, each fact screaming louder than the last: “Resign!”

The truth was undeniable—my mum knew better, and I also knew time was up, I had been ‘winging it’, and my sanity was hanging by a thread.

And so, with a heavy heart, reluctant hands, I handed in my resignation. Jeez, it wasn’t a rollercoaster ride afterward.

I lay in bed for weeks, overwhelmed by pain, frustration, meaningless routines, and daily social media scrollings. I had dreaded that phase.



Again, my mum, ever the voice of good judgment and hope, came to my side and whispered, “Launch again, my dear. It’s time to try again. I know it didn’t work out as you imagined, but try again. Learn from your pain, rearrange your life, remove the barriers, be dynamic, don’t be rigid, and wear a smile on that face for me.”

I couldn’t help but smile.

Sure I smiled but, hey, I didn’t know how to get back on my feet. I wasn’t ready, I was healing, I needed time.

But as the days passed, a light flickered in my mind—a new idea was born. I poured my heart into it, crafting what I believed was a perfect plan. After careful analysis, I realized something humbling: I had followed my mum’s initial advice without even knowing it. I had simply “Gen-Z-ified” it (permit me to create that word). My mum had won again. I saw clearly the beautiful merger could exist between her world and mine.



Dear Diary, today, my mum won. And in her victory, I found my own path to success.

The path wasn’t easy. It was laden with self-doubt, frustration, and the gnawing fear of failure. But with every step I took, I felt my mum’s wisdom guiding me. She taught me that resilience is built through experiences, both good and bad, and that each failure is a stepping stone to success.

I began to see my challenges not as insurmountable obstacles but as opportunities to grow. I took her advice to heart, finding a way to merge my passions with my career. I started learning new skills, focusing on what I loved, and gradually, I felt a renewed sense of purpose.

Looking back, I realize that my mum’s insistence on resigning wasn’t just about leaving a job; it was about finding myself. It was about recognizing when something isn’t right for me and having the courage to make a change, no matter how daunting it may seem.

Today, as I navigate my new path, I carry her wisdom with me. I’ve learned to value her experience and to see her advice not as an imposition but as a gift. Her victory wasn’t just about winning an argument; it was about opening my eyes to new possibilities and helping me find my true self.

Dear Diary, my mum won. And because of her victory, I am stronger, wiser, and more determined than ever to create a life that is true to who I am. In her wisdom, I found my path. And in her love, I found my strength.

By Dami Oshodi

Dear Diary,

Ugh, another Monday. As I drag myself out of bed and get ready for work, I can already feel the stress building up. But hey, at least it’s the start of a new week, right? Time to put on my best “I’ve got it all together” face and head into the office.

When I first landed this job, I was so excited. It seemed like the perfect fit – good pay, solid benefits, and work that actually aligns with my degree. But now, some days I feel like I’m just going through the motions, counting down the hours until I can clock out and escape to my couch.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to have a stable paycheck and a job that I’m qualified for. A lot of my friends are still struggling to find their footing in the workforce. But man, the corporate grind can just be so draining sometimes. The endless meetings, the constant emails, the pressure to always be “on” – it’s enough to make a Gen Z-er want to plug in some airpods and disappear into a TikTok wormhole.

At least I try to find little ways to make the day a bit more bearable. My coworkers and I have a standing food break where we vent about the office tasks and swap memes over some bread and beans cause we need the strength of a bricklayer to carry on. And you better believe I’m the first one to volunteer for any office party or team-building activity. Gotta keep that morale up, you know?

I guess what I’m trying to say is, this whole “adulting” thing isn’t always as glamorous as it seems. Sometimes I really miss the freedom and flexibility of college life. But I know I’m not alone in this – my friends are all navigating similar challenges as we try to balance our career ambitions with our need for work-life balance.

It’s a delicate footing, for sure. But hey, at least we’re all in this together. Maybe one day, us Gen Z-ers will figure out how to reform the system and make the 9-to-5 grind a little more bearable. Or, you know, we could just start our own creative adventures and be our own bosses. The future is ours, after all!

Anyway, time to go put on my best “I’ve got it all figured out” face. Wish me luck!

Changes in consumer behaviors and preferences, as well as technological advancements across sectors have continued to have huge transformational impact on the digital marketing industry and the roles of digital marketers.
Read more https://admarp.com/keeping-up-with-trends-is-the-biggest-challenge-for-digital-marketers/

its not a centipede, its called a rag worm. they survive in cold or wet parts of the room

SaAyomikun:


Honestly, it isn't, and it isn't stuffy. The only eyesore is the porous ceiling. The ceiling has holes: big and small.

I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it. I want it, I got it….”

The soundtrack I had earlier picked for my alarm tune, rang through my dream, jolting me awake.

4:30 am

I rolled in bed, trying so hard to keep my eyes open. I worked till late the previous night and ended up getting only four hours of sleep. I got up reluctantly, chanting my usual swear “The hustle go pay las las”.

It had turned out to be a general consolatory chant “….las las, everybody go dey alright…”.

Running the quickest bath, Lex’s words invaded my mind for the umpteenth time “Writing is a passion. You are an adult now, you have to make money somehow…”.

I sighed.

Graduating in a few weeks, She already moved her stuff from school back home. Marie too.

Lola and I still had a year. I reminisced our first year in school, how we met. From being friends of friends to become the best of friends.

I sighed again.

Stepping out of the bathroom, I hurriedly drew my clothes on, rolled my hair in a band, picked up the bag containing my documents, and rushed out of the house to the bus stop.

5:40 am

I walked past early morning preachers, food sellers preparing a fire for cooking, half-dressed ladies with painted faces trying to get off the streets before dawn, and beggars begging for alms.

“Ikeja! Ikeja! Opebi-Allen, Ikeja!”

A danfo commuter bus finally pulled up.

6:05 am

The early risers were already at the bus-stop, waiting for buses that would convey them to their various destinations. From well-suited men and women to high schoolers and traders dragging on sacks of their wares. This was their daily lives. Their daily routine. Their everyday hustle. Monotonous tasks of daily work.

“Ikeja! Opebi-Allen, Ikeja! Enter with your Two hundred Naira! I no get change o!” The bus-boy yelled relentlessly. With messy hair and jeans shorts that had seen better days, he hopped out of the bus to wrestle a tout that was threatening to smash the bus’s side mirrors if his ‘dues’ weren’t paid.

They dragged each other along, shouting curses as they went on with their unwanted drama. Commuters, on the other hand, rushed into the empty bus; Well suited men and beautifully dressed women were struggling, pulling, pushing, as each person tried to secure a seat. It was a sorry sight.

I moved a few feet away from the chaos, to keep my outfit from getting ruined. Staring down at the file-bag in my hand; It was my sixth proposal. Eight months went.

Eight months of soliciting, volunteering, overthinking, crying, hustling, submitting applications, and mailing proposals to several News agencies and media outlets; I felt sorry for myself.

Life as a writer wasn’t as ‘Easy and fun’ as people had chosen to see it. There are days of being blank and complete emptiness, days of being sad and unexplainably moody, days of creating masterpieces that would end up being ridiculed by others instead of being praised and accepted. I sighed.

The bus-boy continued his chanting after he had finally succumbed to the tout’s ‘Hundred Naira’ demand. “Allen, Ikeja! Two more chance! Allen, Ikeja!”. The bus made to pull out of the bus-stop when it halted suddenly.

“Madam come down jhor! Come down!,” The bus-boy yelled angrily at a market trader.

“Madam come down! I no collect hundred Naira! I say commot for my bus this woman!” He continued again in pidgin. The middle-aged woman slowly alighted the bus with her sack of fresh vegetables.

“Three more chance! Opebi-Allen! Three more chance!” I bowed my head in misery. What a life. For a brief moment, I asked myself ‘why are you doing this?’

But the answer remains ever so clear ‘I don’t want to be an obnoxious reporter, writer, or journalist who chases celebrities and public figures across parking lots or buildings and shouts questions at slammed doors’. I am MORE. And this is me working hard to be More.

6:45 am

Another bus pulled up.

“Ogba-Ikeja!”. Moving carefully towards the bus, so as to avoid contact with the market traders and their sacks of raw fishes and vegetables; I couldn’t afford to get my clothes soiled, the First impression mattered greatly.

I boarded gently; choosing a seat by the window. I held the exact Two hundred Naira fare in my hand to avoid embarrassment; The bus-boys were naturally sporadically rude. As the bus pulled out, holding tightly onto the file-bag, I concluded it was going to be the last time. The last one. The last proposal.

This relentless routine has to end. This is me at my wit’s end. This is me, tired. Tired of my daily grind. Tired of soliciting and writing letters after letters to convince people I am good enough.

Wow.
someone muttered.

There was no way she could have contested the bill. As a respectable young lady, I would have done the same if I had been in her shoes. Sorting the bill, however outrageous, was the right thing to do. At least at the time… and she’d leave all of hell to break loose afterwards without becoming a public nuisance.

Ruthie ate her lunch comfortably. Lex simply forked at the noodles; not sure why she wasn’t eating. Lola didn’t eat either. Perhaps it was the hangover, or maybe the present situation had caused her to lose her appetite. I felt for her.

I remembered Wale and what he did to me. We had great moments. Fun, loving moments. Moments of bliss and fantasies. Sadly, those memories turned to cruel hatred when he hurt me. And all hopes of reconciliation had shattered when he died. I never got over it. Ever.

The tension was overwhelming. I stood up from the chair and picked the bottle of tequila. Revival was much needed. The atmosphere was so tense, I thought I would pass out from the silence. No one knew what to say or do.

Another tear streamed down Lola’s cheek. My legs trembled. Lex passed me a glass to pour her a shot. I did. She downed the content of her cup and handed it back to me. I poured another drink and downed it, burning my throat as it found its way down to my stomach.

Lola didn’t seem interested in taking a shot. Ruthie was a weakling whenever it came to shots. She once had a terrible experience at a pool party we attended. A shot and Ruthie was already seeing strange things. Ever since, she had stuck to Red Wines and Champagnes.

“So what are we going to do?” Lex asked. The question was directed at no one in particular.

“We need a plan”, Ruthie said. “He can’t go like that”, she moved and placed her plate in the sink. “We have to do something”, Ruthie continued.

“Stoop to conquer. That’s what we will do” I said, scratching my head.

“What does that even mean?” Lola asked as she picked up the bottle of tequila. Ruthie seized the bottle from her. It was obvious Lola had taken too much already.

“What I mean is, we can’t act immediately. Right now he would be watching his back because he knows he has done something wrong. So you’d pretend like all is well and not say or do anything, for now.” I explained.

“Makes sense,” Lex agreed.

“Cool,” Ruthie said. “Me I want him to cough up the money he made Lola spend”.

“I swear. At great cost. We would make him pay”. A faint smile swept across Lola’s face. There was nothing to hide. Every girl has been hurt or broken at some point in her life. There’s no such thing as a ‘perfect relationship’.

Except for ladies that sought to pretend and live fake lives by lying and fronting to their friends that all is well. Every relationship has problems. Why wouldn’t there be problems anyway? It’s about two imperfect people coming together on a mutual ground of love and understanding. Definitely there would be problems, but the problems are meant to be solved.

Like this one.

“I want to vandalize his car,” Lola said. Another tear dropped.

“I’m in o!” I shouted, throwing my hands in the air. The idea was great. In fact, the idea was perfect and soothing.

“Won’t we get caught on camera or fingerprints or something like that?” Ruthie muttered.

“This isn’t some Hollywood movie, madam. Camera how? In Ajah?” Lex countered.

I laughed.

“Babes if you know his schedule ehn, we would figure out the day he won’t take the car out. Or we would watch him on any night we are sure no one else would be around and break the windshield, puncture all the tires……,”

“Burn his documents. All his school certificates and NYSC documents. Every damned document we can find”.

My phone rang. Same number as before. D.D.

“Him again?” Ruthie was curious.

“Yea”

“Who’s him?” Lex asked.

“Dreadlocks,” I answered.

“These men don’t know when to give up,” Lex said, finally scooping noodles into her mouth.

“The ones that have nothing to offer stick around longer than the ones who do” I smirked.

“But he has money….” Ruthie was saying,

“Are you dumb?” I cut in.

She laughed.

The phone kept ringing.

“Lola, text him” Lex said.

“Text who?” I asked.

It seemed Lex had a plan already.

“Text your dude,” Lex clarified “Tell him you miss him and stuff like that. Men love nonsense. They don’t think sometimes”.

Lola looked confused.

“Will he even respond?” She asked.

“Bring the phone,” I said. She handed me the phone. I opened her WhatsApp chat and saw ‘Heartbeat’. What right-thinking lady stores her boyfriend’s name with ‘Heartbeat’?

Me: Hey baby

Heartbeat: Lola, you need to stop texting me. We are over.

Me: You didn’t even tell me you were leaving last night. It’s cool tho

Heartbeat: Something came up. What do you want?

Me: Nothing. I just wanted to say ‘I love you’ and no matter what you do, I’m here for you.

Heartbeat: Thank you

He was acting all macho and cold. But I was sure he would fall for something. They always fall for something.

I showed the chat to the girls and hissed. He doesn’t know what’s coming to him. I’m sure he has never met a mad Lagos girl.

She slammed the door.

“Break it o. The door offended you abi?” I taunted.

She didn’t say a word. I perceived trouble.

“Babe what happened?” I asked again. She simply turned her back and pointed at her zipper. I brushed her weave aside and pulled down the zip. She slipped out of her gown and walked to the bathroom.

“Wetin do you na?” I called out to Lola. I heard the shower.

“His head is not correct” she yelled from the bathroom. I sighed. Boy trouble again, am I even surprised? Their head is never correct.

Lola stepped out of the bathroom and wrapped her towel. She picked up the hair dryer on the dressing table and turned it on to dry out her hair.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” I asked again. I was worried for her.

“No love. I don’t” She placed the dryer back on the table and went to bed.

“Alright then” I turned to leave her.

“Becca please help me close the door”

“Ok”. I stepped outside and shut the door. I heard her sobbing.

“What’s wrong with her?” Ruthie asked.

“Boy trouble I guess” I answered.

“Lola? Boy trouble?” Ruthie doubted. “Lola never gets into boy trouble” she added.

“Well, there’s always a first time” I said as I walked to the kitchen. Ruthie followed.

“Is that why she’s locked up in her room?”

“Sometimes it’s good to be alone with your thoughts” I said, smiling.

“Where’s Lex?”

“She’s out with Suits” Ruthie answered. “And you?” She asked.

“And me what?” I couldn’t comprehend her question.

“Yea and you. When are you going out with Timmy?” She explained.

“Sorry sis. He hasn’t met my approval” I opened the fridge and picked a gummy bear.

“Wait what? Your approval? Becca you are proud!” Ruthie yelled

I laughed. “I didn’t know o. You’ve never told me”

“You had better not end up like another soul out of tune with the life force…” She pointed.

“Unfortunately sis, I’ve always been out of tune with the life force” I cut in “Humanity would have to be patient with me to get in harmony with life”

Ruthie seemed confused. My phone rang.

“Won’t you answer it?” Ruthie asked.

“You know I rarely take my calls. Let alone unregistered numbers. I’m scared of people”. We both laughed.

The phone rang again

Me: Hello.

Whoever: Hello Becca, how are you?

Me: Fine. Thank you

Whoever: So where are you?

Me: I’m lost

Whoever: Don’t be cocky. I’m serious. Where are you Becca?

Me: Maybe after you introduce yourself

Ruthie was mouthing something. I couldn’t make out what she was trying to tell me.

Whoever: It’s me. D.D

I was mute.

Whoever: Becca you there? Hello? Hello?

I hung up.

“Who was it?” Ruthie was eager to know.

“Dreadlocks” I responded, sadly.

“That boy just won’t give up” She opened a pack of kilishi and picked two packs of noodles from the top shelf.

“You blame him?” I asked with an air of sarcasm.

“Actually I don’t” Ruthie said “You already told him to go”

Lola staggered into the kitchen. Apparently high, or worse, drunk.

“Na boy do you like this?” Ruthie asked, irritated.

I pulled a chair for her to sit. Her eyes were swollen from crying too much.

“Ruthie please add more to the noodles you are preparing and make it spicy. Please. Lots of pepper, so this thing can wear off”

Lex came in.

“Ahn ahn. What’s happening?” She asked. It was obvious all was not well. At a glance, Anyone could see Lola was a mess.

“Boy trouble” I said. I didn’t know what else to say.

“What sort of boy trouble is that one?” Lex was on edge. “Lola doesn’t have time for boy trouble” she added.

Ruthie picked another pack of noodles.

“I’ll eat too. Please add mine.” Lex said.

“But wait, I thought you two had separated Lola” Ruthie asked.

“Asswear. Wetin do me today ehn! Chai! God! For this Lagos!” Lola finally spoke.

Ok that sounded bad. Whatever it was that happened, must have been really bad.

“How is Suits?” I asked Lex.

“Biko leave Suits first Becca, let Lola talk.”

Well she was right. More pressing issues.

“I want water” Lola pleaded. I picked a bottle from the fridge and handed it to her.

“Babes you won’t believe. Shey you know he has been misbehaving since…”

She was referring to her boyfriend. Or should I say ex? Well I’ll conclude after she finishes her story. He had been acting up for a while.

“Yea we know. At least you told us last week that you think he might be cheating” Ruthie pointed.

“Exactly?” Lola said “He stopped picking calls o. If I text him in the morning, he will not respond till night, and I’ll be seeing him online. But still he won’t reply or call. Oga will even be posting status” A tear dropped.

My legs shook. I was pained. Lex pulled a chair and sat. Ruthie too. The story was getting interesting.

“So are you crying because he stopped picking your calls and responding to your messages?” Lex asked

“My dear sister! Wait first” Lola said as she wrapped the towel properly.

“That’s how I texted him last night that I wanted to come over so we can talk”, she continued.

“Did he agree?” I asked. I wanted the conversation to be over. Ruthie stood up to check the nearly-burning noodles.

Lex lit a blunt and we passed it round. You can’t deal with situations like this while you are sane.

“Yes o. The idiot agreed that we should see and talk. He even said we had a lot to talk about but not in his house. He said we should meet at Maison Fahrenheit, opposite Eko hotel” Lola continued.

“Oya!!!!! Too much money! M.H is very expensive” I exclaimed.

“Maybe he wants to flex muscle na” Lex pointed.

“My sister! I was even happy he suggested Maison Fahrenheit. Because you remember when Becca went there with what’s that guy’s name again sef?”

“Never mind. Continue we get the point” Lex cut her.

“Babe I was happy o. I even dressed to kill. Ejiro helped me pick out the best outfit. Thinking it’s today I’ll get my boyfriend back.”

Ruthie got up again to check the noodles.

“So what happened? He didn’t like your dress?”

Lola laughed hysterically. There was pain even in the laughter.

“When I got there, he had already made himself comfortable. He had ordered sea food and chips for himself.”

“Their sea food is almost 20k. Maison is damn expensive.” I said as I picked a plate to serve the noodles.

“I sat down and poured my heart to him. He just asked me what I wanted, I didn’t even have appetite for food because I was emotionally exhausted, so I asked for a cocktail drink. My dear sisters! My nigga broke up with me right there!” She cried again….

Lex held her. “He broke up with you? And you are crying Lola. This is strange. You’ve never cried over a man before. Is there more to this story?” I asked

“Babes I’d never cry for a man. The idiot said he was done with me and then said he needed to use the bathroom, that I should stop crying. And that when he comes back from the restroom we would talk about it.”

“Then what happened?” Ruthie asked. We were all becoming impatient.

“He never came back o! From the rooftop I could see him as he entered Uber and left. Then the waiter brought me the bill” She had stopped crying. Now it was anger and bitterness.

“What the hell!” We all screamed.

“Omo the bill was 55k o! I nearly died. Out of shame I brought out my card and paid. Apparently, he ordered several things even before I got there”

She slammed the door.

“Break it o. The door offended you abi?” I taunted.

She didn’t say a word. I perceived trouble.

“Babe what happened?” I asked again. She simply turned her back and pointed at her zipper. I brushed her weave aside and pulled down the zip. She slipped out of her gown and walked to the bathroom.

“Wetin do you na?” I called out to Lola. I heard the shower.

“His head is not correct” she yelled from the bathroom. I sighed. Boy trouble again, am I even surprised? Their head is never correct.

Lola stepped out of the bathroom and wrapped her towel. She picked up the hair dryer on the dressing table and turned it on to dry out her hair.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” I asked again. I was worried for her.

“No love. I don’t” She placed the dryer back on the table and went to bed.

“Alright then” I turned to leave her.

“Becca please help me close the door”

“Ok”. I stepped outside and shut the door. I heard her sobbing.

“What’s wrong with her?” Ruthie asked.

“Boy trouble I guess” I answered.

“Lola? Boy trouble?” Ruthie doubted. “Lola never gets into boy trouble” she added.

“Well, there’s always a first time” I said as I walked to the kitchen. Ruthie followed.

“Is that why she’s locked up in her room?”

“Sometimes it’s good to be alone with your thoughts” I said, smiling.

“Where’s Lex?”

“She’s out with Suits” Ruthie answered. “And you?” She asked.

“And me what?” I couldn’t comprehend her question.

“Yea and you. When are you going out with Timmy?” She explained.

“Sorry sis. He hasn’t met my approval” I opened the fridge and picked a gummy bear.

“Wait what? Your approval? Becca you are proud!” Ruthie yelled

I laughed. “I didn’t know o. You’ve never told me”

“You had better not end up like another soul out of tune with the life force…” She pointed.

“Unfortunately sis, I’ve always been out of tune with the life force” I cut in “Humanity would have to be patient with me to get in harmony with life”

Ruthie seemed confused. My phone rang.

“Won’t you answer it?” Ruthie asked.

“You know I rarely take my calls. Let alone unregistered numbers. I’m scared of people”. We both laughed.

The phone rang again

Me: Hello.

Whoever: Hello Becca, how are you?

Me: Fine. Thank you

Whoever: So where are you?

Me: I’m lost

Whoever: Don’t be cocky. I’m serious. Where are you Becca?

Me: Maybe after you introduce yourself

Ruthie was mouthing something. I couldn’t make out what she was trying to tell me.

Whoever: It’s me. D.D

I was mute.

Whoever: Becca you there? Hello? Hello?

I hung up.

“Who was it?” Ruthie was eager to know.

“Dreadlocks” I responded, sadly.

“That boy just won’t give up” She opened a pack of kilishi and picked two packs of noodles from the top shelf.

“You blame him?” I asked with an air of sarcasm.

“Actually I don’t” Ruthie said “You already told him to go”

Lola staggered into the kitchen. Apparently high, or worse, drunk.

“Na boy do you like this?” Ruthie asked, irritated.

I pulled a chair for her to sit. Her eyes were swollen from crying too much.

“Ruthie please add more to the noodles you are preparing and make it spicy. Please. Lots of pepper, so this thing can wear off”

Lex came in.

“Ahn ahn. What’s happening?” She asked. It was obvious all was not well. At a glance, Anyone could see Lola was a mess.

“Boy trouble” I said. I didn’t know what else to say.

“What sort of boy trouble is that one?” Lex was on edge. “Lola doesn’t have time for boy trouble” she added.

Ruthie picked another pack of noodles.

“I’ll eat too. Please add mine.” Lex said.

“But wait, I thought you two had separated Lola” Ruthie asked.

“Asswear. Wetin do me today ehn! Chai! God! For this Lagos!” Lola finally spoke.

Ok that sounded bad. Whatever it was that happened, must have been really bad.

“How is Suits?” I asked Lex.

“Biko leave Suits first Becca, let Lola talk.”

Well she was right. More pressing issues.

“I want water” Lola pleaded. I picked a bottle from the fridge and handed it to her.

“Babes you won’t believe. Shey you know he has been misbehaving since…”

She was referring to her boyfriend. Or should I say ex? Well I’ll conclude after she finishes her story. He had been acting up for a while.

“Yea we know. At least you told us last week that you think he might be cheating” Ruthie pointed.

“Exactly?” Lola said “He stopped picking calls o. If I text him in the morning, he will not respond till night, and I’ll be seeing him online. But still he won’t reply or call. Oga will even be posting status” A tear dropped.

My legs shook. I was pained. Lex pulled a chair and sat. Ruthie too. The story was getting interesting.

“So are you crying because he stopped picking your calls and responding to your messages?” Lex asked

“My dear sister! Wait first” Lola said as she wrapped the towel properly.

“That’s how I texted him last night that I wanted to come over so we can talk”, she continued.

“Did he agree?” I asked. I wanted the conversation to be over. Ruthie stood up to check the nearly-burning noodles.

Lex lit a blunt and we passed it round. You can’t deal with situations like this while you are sane.

“Yes o. The idiot agreed that we should see and talk. He even said we had a lot to talk about but not in his house. He said we should meet at Maison Fahrenheit, opposite Eko hotel” Lola continued.

“Oya!!!!! Too much money! M.H is very expensive” I exclaimed.

“Maybe he wants to flex muscle na” Lex pointed.

“My sister! I was even happy he suggested Maison Fahrenheit. Because you remember when Becca went there with what’s that guy’s name again sef?”

“Never mind. Continue we get the point” Lex cut her.

“Babe I was happy o. I even dressed to kill. Ejiro helped me pick out the best outfit. Thinking it’s today I’ll get my boyfriend back.”

Ruthie got up again to check the noodles.

“So what happened? He didn’t like your dress?”

Lola laughed hysterically. There was pain even in the laughter.

“When I got there, he had already made himself comfortable. He had ordered sea food and chips for himself.”

“Their sea food is almost 20k. Maison is damn expensive.” I said as I picked a plate to serve the noodles.

“I sat down and poured my heart to him. He just asked me what I wanted, I didn’t even have appetite for food because I was emotionally exhausted, so I asked for a cocktail drink. My dear sisters! My nigga broke up with me right there!” She cried again….

Lex held her. “He broke up with you? And you are crying Lola. This is strange. You’ve never cried over a man before. Is there more to this story?” I asked

“Babes I’d never cry for a man. The idiot said he was done with me and then said he needed to use the bathroom, that I should stop crying. And that when he comes back from the restroom we would talk about it.”

“Then what happened?” Ruthie asked. We were all becoming impatient.

“He never came back o! From the rooftop I could see him as he entered Uber and left. Then the waiter brought me the bill” She had stopped crying. Now it was anger and bitterness.

“What the hell!” We all screamed.

“Omo the bill was 55k o! I nearly died. Out of shame I brought out my card and paid. Apparently, he ordered several things even before I got there”

You are absolutely correct. We have to take life easy

donbachi:
If na garri i see,i go drink am like dat..because belle no dey talk wetin e chop...my only prayer na make i no vomit 4 public place...enjoy ur friedrice and chicken..make i enjoy my garri...na who 1st buy car,na him buy old model.

We would all be fine sis.

KristaPretty:
Depression sucks

I cannot come and go and come and kill myself no matter how hard it is. This life too sweet one kain


Meanwhile first to comment, I have made it in life.

Lord I need a hug!

My head and heart was heavy.

I refused to take a cab. I just wanted to walk. To see the night lights and feel the wind on my skin. I couldn’t fight back the tears, they just flowed freely, streaming down my face without hindrance. ‘You can’t carry the weight of the world on your shoulders Becca’ I told myself.

But I was tired. I walked to the foot of the pedestrian bridge and sat. Not minding if people were staring or walking by. Hopelessness and helplessness drowned me. Lord, why do we have so much to do? We have to obey you and we gotta excel in life. Sometimes it seems, it’s only by disobeying God and ignoring religion that we can succeed.

I cried again. My quest for financial wealth and material comfort had me on my knees. I put myself in the shoes of the million youths in the world and how we are all striving for excellence. I’ve heard of too many that committed suicide. When does it stop?

I got off the stairs of the bridge and climbed. The view was overwhelming. Cars, motorbikes, trucks, everyone trying to find their way home. HOME.

I wasn’t ashamed to cry. Every single person that walked past looked at me pitiably but I didn’t care. We all have our burdens. Some were only better at masking it than others. All in all, there’s pain behind our smile.

Where do you go when you are lonely? What do you pray about when you are sad? Who do you talk to when you are confused?

I pitied myself. Some would think of me and wish to be me. Why? Because they see my life as “perfect”. “She got everything going smoothly for her” They would say. I don’t.

At night most of us cry ourselves to sleep. Some would smoke and drink until there’s nothing to smoke and drink anymore. Some are addicts, while some are just ‘Some’.

I’m tired. Aren’t you?

In my resolve, I’ve chosen to be happy. Screw the expectations of others. Screw the yardsticks, screw what our parents want us to be, screw the society, screw the opinions of others. Live and let Live.

We all gotta do what we gotta do.

Not everyone has a place of solace. We just cry it out. No one to listen to us, speaking less of understanding. There’s a pain in our hearts, our eyes hurt. There’s no victory here on earth, there’s only quest for survival. We just gotta keep fighting, fighting till the end. The end is death. It’s not a win-win situation.

The only bliss is that “The end justifies the means”…. though that’s not always through, but whatever we do, we ought to make sure it’s worth it in the end.

I got to the other end of the bridge and sighed.

If it’s meant to be it will be.

Lord let me not fail…. there’s a whole lot to achieve and a whole lot to do. My strength fails me tho, and I don’t even see a way out. Help us all.

This life, I realized, is not a competition. Saddle your own horses and paddle your own canoes. No one really cares or understands your fears. Just do you and know that fulfilment isn’t the ultimate goal, Happiness and Peace of mind is.

@mekuso89 it’s not a movie dear. It’s an ebook

Becca please. It’s been 7 months already since I’ve been begging to see you.”

“If meeting you were beneficial to me, trust the fact that I’d have initiated a meeting”

“Wow! Really? Really Becca? You think I’m one of those random guys you can easily cut off with your attitude? Or you are being disrespectful to me alone?” He asked.

“Don’t be silly. I’m sporadically rude. Enjoy your day” I said, ready to end the phone conversation. I didn’t like him. I didn’t like anyone.

“Wait. Becca wait. Ok I’ll drive down to your house. You don’t have to say anything, just listen when I come…”

“Can I call you back? My mum just came in” I lied. The conversation was beginning to annoy me. With that, I hung up.

“Why did you cut him off like that?” Lex asked. I rolled in bed.

“You need a man”

“I need a blunt” I responded sharply, not coming out from under the bed covers I had draped over my head when Lex began the unedifying conversation.

“Get out of bed Becca. This is real talk” She said firmly.

“And since when did boy talk become real talk?” I asked laughing.

“I’m actually speaking for all of us now. We can’t keep ignoring boys you know. Ruthie too. We all need to have someone….” I heard her pull a chair. “Women don’t do well as spinsters you know…”

“And men don’t do well as bachelors…” I snapped, cutting in. “For them it’s like a state of arrested development. Lots of women prosper without men. Lex why are we talking about marriage?”

“……we need to start building something.” She said.

“What we need is a break” I cut in again. “And the only thing I’m building is a house. And companies. And my career. Not boys.” I continued. Finally taking off the covers.

Lex sank into the chair and sighed heavily.

“Speaking of breaks, babe I want to travel”.

“After exams yea?” I asked.

“Sure. After exams.” She confirmed.

“Out of the country? Because that sounds like an out of the country kind of ‘babe I want to travel’”. I said, laughing.

Lex laughed too.

“Not out of the country tho.” She pointed. “Just any suburban area. To rest. I swear I’m tired. Really tired Becca”. She sighed again.

The sad truth. EVERYONE IS TIRED.

Initially, I thought the depressed and suicidal were only the ‘Have nots’; Sadly, the Haves weren’t finding life funny either.

“We could go to Kenya.” I proposed

“Kenya? We don’t even have our summer bodies yet” She laughed.

“Summer bodies kor….” I laughed so hard. “…. girls just wanna have fun mami. We don’t need no summer bodies. Screw the fit-fab.” I added.

“No wahala. We would work towards it.” She agreed.

“What’s your plan for today?”

“I have a date in an hour” Lex said as Ruthie walked in.

“Suits?” I nicknamed her suitor “suits”. He cleaned up nice and usually wore suits. Really handsome and older. No questions asked. LOL.

“Yea. Suits” She answered.

Ruthie dragged the covers off and joined me in bed. “You no get wetin you wan use your life do today abi?” She said, pulling my hair.

“Actually I don’t.” I retorted. I truly just wanted to stay in bed. To think.

“You nko?” Lex asked Ruthie.

“I have another paper by 2,” Ruthie answered. She was writing her semester exams.

“All the best sis.” Lex wished.

She got up to get dressed for her date. Ruthie drifted off to sleep. I stayed up.

There’s so much imbalance. The huge wall separating the Haves from the Have nots. There’s no ‘middle class’. There’s just the rich and the poor.

I thought of the conversation with Lex. I truly didn’t long for marriage. I just want a happy and fulfilled life. Whatever shape or form the “Happy and fulfilled” life takes, I just want Happy and fulfilled.

Lex didn’t actually picture marriage too. Too early to conclude as we are just in our early years… but I was certain she brought it up thanks to societal values and biases.

We’ve got to stop fighting so hard against who we really are and what we really want.

Love yourself. Love YOU.

In no time you’ll be a good paradigm for others. Listen to your heart, stop fighting against being yourself. That’s the best person you can be.

My phone rang. I answered and put the receiver on speaker.

“Are you done with mum now?” He asked.

“Not really.”

“What are you doing?” He asked again. I sensed the sadness in his tone. I felt sorry, not for him, but for myself. I truly didn’t need anyone. All I want is my family and friends and a Happy and Fulfilled life.

“Becca? Are you there?”

“Yea I’m here. Let me charge my phone. I’ll call you back” I lied again.

“Babe that’s what you said before. Did I do something wrong?”

Ruthie picked up the phone and answered him “Come and pick her up Timmy. She would get dressed now”.

“Oh ok. Thanks a lot, Ruth.” He sounded happy. I felt sad. Picking up the pillow, I slammed it hard on Ruthie’s head. She paid no attention to me. She opened the wardrobe and searched for outfits. I stared at her lovingly. I know they want what’s best for me… but it wasn’t boys.

Shawdy don’t need BAE.

Yes it’s mine. Thank you

Dear Diary,

Things didn’t go as planned today. I realized, in life, we find happiness in the strangest places. Every little detail matters. The words we say go farther than our actions. Actions might be forgiven, but words won’t be forgotten. An incident gave me a glimpse into the naked existence of life;

There was an aged woman pulling along a huge luggage and no one stopped to help. She had blisters on her feet, apparently from walking too much. Her face was worn. The face of one who had been through all and more. What I felt at that moment was beyond sympathy. It was empathy. It struck me that we must all strive to live and die in a blaze of glory.

What did she do? Why was she left alone to drag on her things with frail hands and feeble knees? I got off the bus and walked up to her, handing her a five hundred naira note. She said prayers for me with smiles on her face….

Wale called today.

I told him never to call me again. My friends were still pissed at the stunt he pulled. I’d cool off tonight. Mary had offered I went to Lekki with her. Guess you need a boy to get over another boy right? LOL. So a new cutie and a couple of drinks won’t be a bad idea. Cheers to a good life!

There was commotion outside. I sighed. Unilag girls won’t let me rest today. It was a sunny afternoon. The sun burned angrily. I felt sorry for the students taking noon classes. Lex was sleeping peacefully, Ruthie too.

The commotion continued. I could hear screams and lots of “leave her alone” and several “you girls should stop fighting”. There was an unsolicited opinion from another voice “why you sef go do dah kain thing”. I was caught between doing amebo and minding my business.

I opened the door instead. Amebo is allowed. ”Cloth wey your papa no fit buy!” Lara was yelling. “Ha! Tobechi you no go see heaven o! You know how many waka I waka before I see this cloth buy? Ehn?!” That was a rhetoric anyway. I was certain no one was expecting Tobechi to answer the questions thrown at her. But it was cool to know she found her Fendi thief.

A lot of scratching and hair pulling was going on. Some girls made attempts to separate them. ‘I can’t be bothered‘ I told myself. ‘Let them keep on’.

It is fun most times when the girls fight. You’d end up hearing the gossip on half the girls in the hostel. They would end up exposing whose Brazilian hair was fake, who was sleeping around or hanging with someone else’s boyfriend. Who stole dollars or gadgets from her sugar daddy, who is or was a love-vendor and who was squatting who?

Tobechi threw the first punch. Lara hit her back. They both fell and wrapped their legs around each other like one was preventing the other from escaping. ‘Childish drama’ I thought. Make una fight if una wan fight. Lara had a height advantage over Tobechi. She had a model-like but masculine figure. Tobechi on the other hand was petite, but really feisty. Her roommates dreaded her. She was known to be an unrepentant petty thief.

Guess karma caught up with her; she stole the wrong girl’s cloth.

More slapping. Scratching. Biting. Cloth ripping…. I was getting bored already and turned to leave for my room.

”Becca nawa for you o” Shade stopped me halfway through the door. “Excuse me?” I asked, Irritated. I didn’t like her. She was a renown gossip in the hostel. I tagged her ‘A walking nightmare’. “Any problem?” I asked again rudely. Hoping she would drop dead for even speaking to me.

”You for no tell Lara say na Tobe carry the cloth na“ She said, scratching her hair. Say what Was she out of her mind? I needed to understand before I did the unbelievable. “Hope you are not mad?” I was getting angry but I tried to curtail my anger.

“Shey you no know say na you cause fight? No be you go tell Lara say na Tobe carry her cloth for line?” She feigned an angry look too. I couldn’t understand what her point was. I barely had a conversation with Lara.

Plus, how jobless could I have been. Lara wasn’t my friend, I had no reason to be concerned if she found her sweatshirt or not. Abi this girl is just looking for who will break her neck this afternoon. So the entire hostel would be thinking I snitched? Was that what was going through their minds when I stepped out to the corridor? Sweet Jesus!

Somebody go break neck today. I needed to clear the air. “Shade commot from my front first” I yelled, shoving her away from the door. “Na now una go see my madness” I added. “Lara! Bia! Shift here biko!” I called out angrily. Lara let go of Tobechi. They were still fighting. “Abeg which time I tell you say na Tobe carry your cloth?” I asked. Since the gossip was passed round, I was grateful most of the girls were on the corridor. They needed to know that I had nothing to do with whatever chicken fight was going on.

She moves closer to explain. I stepped back. “Aunty no move near me. Talk make everybody dey hear you” I was enraged. I hated petty gossips born out of sheer boredom. “I no talk say you call Tobe name for the matter. I tell them say na you holla me say make I ask my roommates“ she stuttered. The girls began to murmur. Everyone mouthing diverse opinions. “So how did my name come up o! Because this hostel won’t know peace today” Tobe fired at Lara.

“Well Shade said she saw you at Ozone and you had a Fendi sweatshirt on” Lara explained in defense. At that point it dawned on me that Shade wanted to die. She only needed someone to do it for her.

Tobechi pushed through the crowd and grabbed Shade by the hair. “You know say you don dey do am since and me sef don dey find you Shade” Her bestie also joined in the mini battle. More biting, scratching, slapping, cloth ripping. I walked back to my room.

“Jesus Christ!” Someone screamed. I turned back. Can this day be any worse? I was shocked too. Lara’s cousin who had visited her the previous weekend strolled in smiling. She had the sweatshirt on. Not knowing the disaster she had caused by taking the shirt without permission. I walked into my room. Lex and Ruthie were still very much asleep. I opened my diary and continue.

Dear diary,

Unilag girls are crazy.

Dear Diary,

Things didn’t go as planned today. I realized, in life, we find happiness in the strangest places. Every little detail matters. The words we say go farther than our actions. Actions might be forgiven, but words won’t be forgotten. An incident gave me a glimpse into the naked existence of life;

There was an aged woman pulling along a huge luggage and no one stopped to help. She had blisters on her feet, apparently from walking too much. Her face was worn. The face of one who had been through all and more. What I felt at that moment was beyond sympathy. It was empathy. It struck me that we must all strive to live and die in a blaze of glory.

What did she do? Why was she left alone to drag on her things with frail hands and feeble knees? I got off the bus and walked up to her, handing her a five hundred naira note. She said prayers for me with smiles on her face….

Wale called today.

I told him never to call me again. My friends were still pissed at the stunt he pulled. I’d cool off tonight. Mary had offered I went to Lekki with her. Guess you need a boy to get over another boy right? LOL. So a new cutie and a couple of drinks won’t be a bad idea. Cheers to a good life!

There was commotion outside. I sighed. Unilag girls won’t let me rest today. It was a sunny afternoon. The sun burned angrily. I felt sorry for the students taking noon classes. Lex was sleeping peacefully, Ruthie too.

The commotion continued. I could hear screams and lots of “leave her alone” and several “you girls should stop fighting”. There was an unsolicited opinion from another voice “why you sef go do dah kain thing”. I was caught between doing amebo and minding my business.

I opened the door instead. Amebo is allowed. ”Cloth wey your papa no fit buy!” Lara was yelling. “Ha! Tobechi you no go see heaven o! You know how many waka I waka before I see this cloth buy? Ehn?!” That was a rhetoric anyway. I was certain no one was expecting Tobechi to answer the questions thrown at her. But it was cool to know she found her Fendi thief.

A lot of scratching and hair pulling was going on. Some girls made attempts to separate them. ‘I can’t be bothered‘ I told myself. ‘Let them keep on’.

It is fun most times when the girls fight. You’d end up hearing the gossip on half the girls in the hostel. They would end up exposing whose Brazilian hair was fake, who was sleeping around or hanging with someone else’s boyfriend. Who stole dollars or gadgets from her sugar daddy, who is or was a love-vendor and who was squatting who?

Tobechi threw the first punch. Lara hit her back. They both fell and wrapped their legs around each other like one was preventing the other from escaping. ‘Childish drama’ I thought. Make una fight if una wan fight. Lara had a height advantage over Tobechi. She had a model-like but masculine figure. Tobechi on the other hand was petite, but really feisty. Her roommates dreaded her. She was known to be an unrepentant petty thief.

Guess karma caught up with her; she stole the wrong girl’s cloth.

More slapping. Scratching. Biting. Cloth ripping…. I was getting bored already and turned to leave for my room.

”Becca nawa for you o” Shade stopped me halfway through the door. “Excuse me?” I asked, Irritated. I didn’t like her. She was a renown gossip in the hostel. I tagged her ‘A walking nightmare’. “Any problem?” I asked again rudely. Hoping she would drop dead for even speaking to me.

”You for no tell Lara say na Tobe carry the cloth na“ She said, scratching her hair. Say what Was she out of her mind? I needed to understand before I did the unbelievable. “Hope you are not mad?” I was getting angry but I tried to curtail my anger.

“Shey you no know say na you cause fight? No be you go tell Lara say na Tobe carry her cloth for line?” She feigned an angry look too. I couldn’t understand what her point was. I barely had a conversation with Lara.

Plus, how jobless could I have been. Lara wasn’t my friend, I had no reason to be concerned if she found her sweatshirt or not. Abi this girl is just looking for who will break her neck this afternoon. So the entire hostel would be thinking I snitched? Was that what was going through their minds when I stepped out to the corridor? Sweet Jesus!

Somebody go break neck today. I needed to clear the air. “Shade commot from my front first” I yelled, shoving her away from the door. “Na now una go see my madness” I added. “Lara! Bia! Shift here biko!” I called out angrily. Lara let go of Tobechi. They were still fighting. “Abeg which time I tell you say na Tobe carry your cloth?” I asked. Since the gossip was passed round, I was grateful most of the girls were on the corridor. They needed to know that I had nothing to do with whatever chicken fight was going on.

She moves closer to explain. I stepped back. “Aunty no move near me. Talk make everybody dey hear you” I was enraged. I hated petty gossips born out of sheer boredom. “I no talk say you call Tobe name for the matter. I tell them say na you holla me say make I ask my roommates“ she stuttered. The girls began to murmur. Everyone mouthing diverse opinions. “So how did my name come up o! Because this hostel won’t know peace today” Tobe fired at Lara.

“Well Shade said she saw you at Ozone and you had a Fendi sweatshirt on” Lara explained in defense. At that point it dawned on me that Shade wanted to die. She only needed someone to do it for her.

Tobechi pushed through the crowd and grabbed Shade by the hair. “You know say you don dey do am since and me sef don dey find you Shade” Her bestie also joined in the mini battle. More biting, scratching, slapping, cloth ripping. I walked back to my room.

“Jesus Christ!” Someone screamed. I turned back. Can this day be any worse? I was shocked too. Lara’s cousin who had visited her the previous weekend strolled in smiling. She had the sweatshirt on. Not knowing the disaster she had caused by taking the shirt without permission. I walked into my room. Lex and Ruthie were still very much asleep. I opened my diary and continue.

Dear diary,

Unilag girls are crazy.

I sat in my living room and decided to reminisce. I didn’t turn cold-hearted in a night. The most underrated highly destructive way to learn a lesson is through trauma. It might not necessarily happen to you directly, but certain events will hold us spellbound for the best years of our lives until we fight for the freedom of our sanity.

It could be hurt or injustice done to a loved one, a family member, a friend, or even a stranger that would cause us to lose our sense of humanity. I loved once and I lost. I learnt, I let go. There and then, I promised I wasn’t going to put myself through the “all men are scum” phase again.

Lola had her share of pain. Ruthie has her story. Lex dodged a lot of bullets because her walls were intact, never letting her guards down. Mary was served a distasteful portion, she made it out, with her head up. Gifty let go of her pride for the wrong one.

And then… And then, there’s me… I closed my eyes as I laid in bed and went back to that day…

Never again! You hear me? Never again!” I picked my phone and walked towards the bedroom. He watched as I stuffed my clothes back into my weekend bag, there were tears in my eyes.

How did I let this happen? This whole time I thought I had him, I thought he was mine, mine alone… I thought to myself. Through the good, bad and ugly days, I had been there. I could almost hear Lex’s voice in my head again warning me against this ‘Bleep boy’ with those eyes of hers that could see through your darkest. That was her favourite tag for boys that didn’t meet her expectations.

“He ain’t good for you sis, he’s gon run off and leave you hanging” She would say. Hmmm, guess she was right. The tears didn’t stop exposing my weaknesses, breaking the walls I had built over the years, ripping apart the whole “strong and independent girl” facade. It got me angry. I picked my phone and dialed.

“Who are you calling?” He broke the silence, finally. Sadly with a silly question

“A bloody Uber! That’s what I’m calling!” I fired back at him. The silly tears just won’t stop. He’s supposed to apologize! He’s supposed to crawl on all fours begging! To say he loves me… Can these tears stop?!!! It felt like my brains went missing. More tears! Dear Lord, rapture me right now please!!!!!

The phone rang

“Sure I’ll be out in a bit”, my cab had arrived. Praise God! Now I can disappear. I went to the bathroom to collect my toiletries and my eye caught the matching towels I got us during the last valentine. ‘Screw him’, I thought to myself, ‘he can have both’!

“Can we at least talk about this?” he asked. The apologetic look he was wearing wasn’t even enough to mask the devil I saw in him. “Please babes, I hate it when you make rash decisions and jump to conclusions. You need to hear me out at least for a bit”. He went on his knees.

What- in -the- devil’s name did he think he was playing at? At least I had stopped crying, it’s high time I got the hell out of this apartment. The Uber driver would have started the trip without me.

Chaii! Lagos Uber drivers! If I stay back to listen to his excuses, I’d be forced to cancel the trip and still be charged for it. Hell nah! Then I remembered Ruthie mentioned she was going to prepare rice and chicken sauce. Perfect. I’d go back to the hostel and cry over a plate of rice and ice-cream. Life is good!

“No Wale, like I said before, never again!” I had to raise my voice now so it would easily drive my point home. Rice and stew on my mind. “I have to go, I truly can’t do this anymore, it’s like you lie for a living”. Shit! I have to be more dramatic so he would seriously understand I’m pissed. I picked one of the pillows and threw it at him “I’m done!” I screamed, ok this is better, I smiled to myself.

“I can no longer put up with your lying, cheating ass. Go to your hoes! And all your Quilox slay queens!” Enough drama, girl you gotta run. I’m beginning to enjoy seeing him sad. But is he really sad? Countless side pieces, leaving condoms hanging at the bed corners…sigh… If I’m to have a boyfriend that would cheat on me, I at least deserve a smart one.

“Becca, please. What would I do without you?” I picked my bag, leaving him on his sorry knees. At this point, only two things mattered: Rice and my increasing Uber fare. He didn’t run after me, not cool. Bitch-ass-nigga. I got outside, looking at my ride, nice car. Cool! I can take selfies for the ‘gram. The driver got out to get the door; holding it as I slid in. wow! Mr. Nice Guy. Guess it won’t hurt to flirt a little.

“You kept me waiting ma, I started the trip after five minutes of arrival” he said smiling. Bloody Mary! His accent was fine! He was cute too. It’s going to be a long ride home. My day was suddenly looking better- forgetting I was crying less than an hour ago. Like I said, it would do no harm to flirt a bit.

“Nah it’s fine. I got caught up with something” I said.

“Where are we heading ma’am?”

“Unilag”.

I looked at him, he was truly handsome. I guess I’m the female version of the ‘Bleep-boy’ Lex usually warned me about. Lost in thought, Wale replaced Rice and stew in my head. I loved him-right? I don’t even know anymore. I had my fair share of cheating and escapades too. I just wasn’t dumb enough to get caught. My mood changed. I didn’t feel like flirting anymore.

“Are you a student?” I heard him ask me. No, I sweep the campus. I answered in my head.

“Yea I’m a student.” Truly losing my appetite for a non-beneficial conversation. He was still smiling. “What level and what course?” Dude can you quit these queries already?

Sigh

“Mass communication. 300 level.” I answered at last. Irritated and angry. Ruthie would have finished the rice. Dear Lord! If I’m to die let it not be of hunger! The traffic was already building up from Osapa London to 1004.

“I’m Bolaji. You?”

“Rebecca, you can call me Becca”.

“Are you okay? If you don’t mind me asking. You look worried” he said again. “Should I turn off the AC?”

“No it’s fine. I’m just hungry. Please can you help me stop that gala boy?”

“Yes ma’am.” he waved down the gala seller. I was staring at him, smiling. Hmm, Mr Nice Guy

“How many do you want?” he asked. “Two is fine, thanks” i replied, stretching the money out the window.

The traffic had subsided by the time we got to Victoria Island. The rest of the journey was a quiet one. My fare wasn’t beyond the estimated rate. Given the traffic.

“Don’t forget my 5-star ma” he said as I stepped out of the car. “I won’t” I replied. It’s the least I could do-he was nice to me.

I ran happily to my hostel room. I couldn’t wait to gist my friends about the horror at Wale’s place. So I could cry on Lex’s shoulder and hear her proudly say ‘I told you so’. Then they would take me to Cold Stone Creamery, and buy me ice-cream or we could go to the club. Did I hear you say why? Because I’m heartbroken that’s why. Life is good.

“Becca baby, how far” one of my hostel mates greeted me. “What’s up? I’m good. Wetin happen” rice and stew on my mind biko free me, I thought to myself.

“Na so I spread my new Fendi hoodie on the line, by the time I reach say make I pick am, na empty line I find”.

What lame-ass-dumb-ass- buys a Fendi sweat shirt and spreads it outside?

“Lara maybe you should ask your roommates. They might have picked it for you” I answered as I walked away. There are more pressing issues than your Fendi shirt. I’m hungry. Rice on my mind.

I got to the room. Ruthie opened the door, surprised to see me. I was supposed to be gone for the entire weekend. No thanks to Mr Heart Breaker.

She looked at me “wetin do you madam, where’s le boo?” she asked laughing, her pretty fair face turning pink from laughing too much.

“I go gist you, wey my rice first. I wan die” I walked towards the pot on the cooker.

She laughed harder “Rice ke, I didn’t cook again o”.

Bloody Mary!!!!!!!!!!

I scribbled in my diary.

Dear Diary,

My name is Zion Rufus. This is my Progressive Thought speech. ‘I am a Queen. I’ll Rule and Reign. Like the Phoenix I’ll rise out of the ashes, I’ve got my own back. I will soar, I will……

My fat booty friend distracted me. “I swear I’m hungry” Lola said, as she fixed the loose button on her jeans.

“Aren’t you always hungry madam” I replied. Terribly cranky and uncomfortable, I wanted the class to be over. Mary was waiting for me outside the block. I texted her so she’d know I was very much aware that she was still outside.

“Mrs. Joy-Rita will seize your phone, Becca” Lola pointed. She opened her bag and picked another eclairs. I shook my head.

“Bitch if you keep up with your chocolate-eating habit, you’d end up looking like Winnie.” I whispered. She picked another. ‘Dumbass’ I thought.

“Who is Winnie?” She asked, licking smears off the chocolate wrapper.

“I wonder what sort of childhood you had that you don’t know Winnie the Pooh” I scorned.

“Louisa why are you half naked?” The lecturer asked one of the few sane students in my class. Sadly, most of the students were completely ‘out of the box’. She wasn’t even ‘half naked’. In fact, she wasn’t in anyway naked. She had on a sleeveless top but Mrs. Joy-Rita tagged sleeveless outfits as ‘unacceptable’. Still, my concern was how to leave the class.

I sent another text to Mary. Detailing my predicament, and reminding her to call Lex.

After what seemed like a century and half, the class ended. My joy knew no bounds.

“Lola stop eating chocolates!” I yelled playfully. She pulled my hair back and ruffled my top. “You didn’t wear bra to school again, you this bad child” She fired at me. “I dey wear before?” I joked as we left the class.

Outside Mary was obviously restless as she stood by the gate of the department.

“Babes I’m so sorry” I apologized.

“Why did your class take so long?” Mary asked, she answered her phone “We are at the second gate… yea that Mass comm second gate…. towards CITS…. yea! Exactly. We’d wait outside” She said to the caller and hung up. “Lex?” I asked to be sure.

“Yea it’s Lex. She should be here any minute”. She opened her purse and handed me a bottle of perfume oil. “Awwwwww thanks” I said. Don’t mind the ‘awwwwww’, it wasn’t free of charge. Mary had just added the perfume line to the list of things she already had in place. Lex joined us, panting. I’d pant too if I had to trek down to Mass comm all the way from Sociology.

“Errrrr forgot to mention yesterday, Mr Bami called”. I watched their eyes light up with excitement.

“What did he say? How is he?” Mary couldn’t hide her joy. Lex was calm. Ever calm. Even in terrible situations.

“He confirmed we could use the house” I explained. Mary did a little dramatic dance. I could relate to her joy. Lex smiled too, obviously happy. “I haven’t told Ruthie yet, I’d simply text her. Then you can call Gifty.”

“When should we start packing?” Mary asked, grinning from ear to ear. “We can’t move until weekend”

Lex said calmly “Today is just Monday, we got classes tomorrow and till Thursday sef. Once we get to the house, leaving the island would be too hard and we can’t afford to skip classes….” she further explained.

She was right. All the fun experiences would cause us to forget we were still students. The noon/evening hours’ traffic would hinder us from getting to school on time.

“Weekend is fine. What do you think?” I asked Mary who had just gotten off the phone with Gifty.

“Sure. Gifty even said we should go after classes on Friday” She answered.

“We don’t even have to buy food. He said the chef would take care of it that all we need is to tell them what we want to eat.” I explained. “That’s thrilling” Lex said. “I’d order the blunt pack in advance, we’d pick it on Friday”.

With that we headed to Korede to get spaghetti. “Let’s go to Amina together Becca” Lex pleaded. “Sorry sis, I’m not coming to your hostel” I told her. Laughing.

It had been an awfully long day. I got on the bus, heading home. The girls already left for their hostel. I dreaded staying on campus. ‘That life ain’t meant for me’ I thought to myself. I fixed my ear pods and brought out my phone to drown my emotions with some good music.

Then WhatsApp notifications came to view. I texted Ruthie, explaining in details about our plans for the weekend and asking after her well-being. Moving to the WhatsApp status, I saw Dreadlocks’. Neither the dread nor the locks was there. I felt a knife in my chest.

Nothing could be compared to the heart ache I felt at that moment. Did he see my story and decide to get back at me? Was he sick? Did he just feel like shaving the hair off? I couldn’t even cry.

I texted ‘Why did you cut your hair?’

D.L: ‘Why did you stop answering?’

I was too numb to even type anything. ‘Why?’ Was all my heart could ask,‘Why’?

I wish I had the heart, I’d love him in a different way. But pain stricken, fear gripped, learnt lessons, built fences won’t permit me to ever let my guards down. Never again.

I remembered Ruthie’s words “You can’t be like this forever Becca”.

‘What will be will be’ I brought out my diary and concluded my writing. ‘I’m not forcing anything and I’d never let anyone trample on me or take advantage. I’m a Queen, Queens don’t bow. We rule, we lead, we shine, we triumph, we reign.

‘This is your Progressive Thought speech Becca Z, Rule and Reign’.

Satisfied, I smiled. He let the hair go. I’ll let my fear go. Let’s all rule in our kingdom.

We go back to our mess sometimes.lol

I fixed my gaze on the diced barbecued chicken on my plate. Not looking up, couldn’t look up. “I’m sorry”. All I could say. It sounded absolutely absurd even to my ears, but I had to say something, my silence would have been an insult to him. I listened, watching him spill his mind and emotions.

We don’t always get what we want. Hell! We don’t get who we want. He continued, but I felt the truth was way better than leading him on. I’d hate if someone did that to me too.

“D.L….” I stopped again. The words hung in my throat. D.L was short for Dreadlocks. I fondly called him Dreadlocks because I loved his hair. The very thing that caught my eye the day we met.

Each lock stood out; well-trimmed and nourished. I appreciated men with neat hair, groomed nails and great dress sense; amongst other things.

He held my mind. “Becca what do you want really? Tell me what it is you are looking for in a man, and if I don’t have it and if I can’t get it, I promise I’d let you be”. I smiled.

He was one of the most honest men I knew. Honesty had become a very rare attribute, as well as loyalty. Words were spilled easily, but each word lacked action. It’s easy to profess love in DMs and on chats, it’s easy to say ‘I love you’ to people’s faces and promise them ‘heaven and the world’.

My phone rang. An unknown line was calling. I didn’t answer. D.L didn’t deserve to be disrespected like that. I kept staring at the phone, wondering who it was. My extended family in the UK don’t even remember I exist, can’t be them. The friends I’ve got there would text first before calling me. I was lost in thought…..

“Becca say something na” He said, gently squeezing my palm.

“You really are a wonderful person D.L.” I smiled. It was the truth.

“Someone would love you, I’m sure there are several already. But I can’t, you deserve someone who would at least meet you halfway. I’ll be selfish to hold you back from true happiness”. He let go of my hand. My phone kept buzzing. The moment was tense so I just kept it back in my bag.

“It’s fine” His face said otherwise. I wanted to apologize again for hurting him, but it was of no use. You shouldn’t apologize for something you do over and over again, that’s an insult. Apologies should be rendered when you are genuinely sorry and ready to change.

He had invited me out for a lunch date, which I honored because standing him up wasn’t an option. “Should I take you back to your friend’s place or you want to go to the mainland?” He asked, bending over to fix my shoe laces. I always tie them wrong. A shiver ran through my spine as I watched him tie my laces. The gesture was heartwarming. He sat right.

“So where do you want to go?” He asked again.

“Don’t worry about me… I’d get a cab or board a bus” I didn’t want any more favors.

Really unfair.

“So you feel your leg has healed enough for you to start jumping buses right?” He pointed sternly. He got busy with his phone. ‘Now he’s pissed’ I sighed. If he was pissed, he had every right to be. Through the good, bad, and ugly, I always find him there. Either to lend a helping hand, a listening ear, or to be my ‘knight in shining armor’.

‘You get what you give’ was one of my favorite mottos. He gave honesty, he deserved it back. “Your cab is two minutes away. So you can go wherever you want Becca. I tried with you. I’m sure you know that” He got up and turned to leave. I held his arm. “I’m honestly sorry D.L. You don’t deserve a girl that won’t love you enough”.

“You’ve said it a million times. It’s just sad you refused to be ‘that girl’ for me” He cut in. I let go of his arm and watched him walk out of the eatery, then into his car. He drove off without looking my way.

I brought out my phone and saw Ruthie’s five missed calls amongst others. I dialed her number.

“Bae what’s up?” I asked as I heard her voice

“I’m ok sis” Ruthie responded. “Where have you been? I called severally.” She added.

“I had a date with D.L…. It didn’t even end well” I tried to explain briefly.

“You’ve always rejected the boys that loved you Becca! Stop doing that!” Ruthie yelled.

“And the ones I loved?” I asked pointedly.

“Well you can’t be like this forever madam… what do you want?” She asked.

“I want a sugar daddy” I laughed so hard…. I could at least tell my friend the truth if I couldn’t open up to D.L.

“Bloody Bitch!” Ruthie laughed too.

“I’d see you girls soon….” I looked out the window of the eatery and saw the Uber drive in. “I’m leaving now. My cab is here”.

I sat in the cab and remembered the unknown number that called. I called back. Straight to voicemail. In no time, my phone rang again.

“Good afternoon Becca” My heart jumped. It was Mr Bami.

“Mr Bami!!! So good to hear from you. Didn’t know you travelled already” I was truly happy to hear from him.

“How are you? I hope your leg is much better?” He asked. ‘So sweet’ I thought

“Yes it is sir. How long will you be gone for?” I asked, hoping he would be back soon enough. “Ma, would you like me to drive through Ikoyi or I should take the expressway?”

The Uber driver asked me.

“Are you with someone?” Mr Bami inquired after hearing a third voice. “Yea you can take Ikoyi” I said to the driver…. “I’m inside a cab. I was talking to the driver.” I explained to Mr Bami.

“Where are you heading to?”

“Back to my friend’s” I told him. “I had to go out. We get bored most times. All we do is Netflix and eat.”

“Awwwwww” He teased. “You girls can chill for a while at my other house. It is unoccupied. It has a pool and it’s really spacious.” He suggested. Oh my goodness!!!! No one has ever made such offer before. I was dead sure the girls would be glad.

“Wow! Bami! This is the most amazing thing I’ve heard all year!” Thank you so much sir” I couldn’t hide my joy.

“I’m glad you are happy. Let me make arrangements with my security and the chef. Call me when you get home” He settled.

“I’ll most definitely do sir. Thanks so much for the offer.” I expressed my gratitude and hung up. It was something to look forward to. I had seen pictures of the duplex, big and lovely. Having a chef to ourselves, a driver and the security at the house.

Wow!!!! I couldn’t wait to get home. D.L came to my mind again. ‘I’m sorry dear, love will have to wait’ I thought to myself as I stared at all the lovely houses on Bourdillon. I want one too, but love can’t get it for me.

Today is not the day Satan….not today” I said to the blunt and the Hennessy bottle staring at me.

Lord I can’t even find my bible! Where is the power of God’s cross in my life? I sighed.

My forehead throbbed with pain. I nearly rolled off the bed. Damn! Is it morning already? I picked my phone and checked the time. 3:05am.

For a while now, my night had been restful and peaceful. Slept happy, woke up glowing like a baby. This night was different. I had a horrible nightmare. A dream of vultures and thieves.

Quite unusual. But like my Mum usually warns, “Never should you discard your dreams. Dreams could come as revelations, figment of imaginations, or images molded by our fears”…. Further, according to mum, whichever the case was, every dream was to be paid proper attention.

I searched frantically for my bible. My feet hurt badly, no thanks to the little accident I had at the beach. Grabbing a chair, I sat carefully and rolled off the bandage, nearly choking on the lump in my throat. The pain was unbearable. The demons in my head began to speak.

Demon 1: “Becca, just a little sip of the Henny, you’d feel better you know?”

Truly enough, I’d forget about my pain and the nightmare in no time if I gulped a little whiskey.

Demon 2: “Becca light the blunt… you’d get high and you won’t feel a thing. You’d feel happy and sky high. Perhaps you might even be able to sleep again. You’ll pray when you wake up”.

Me: “Satan I told you already, I’m not talking to you today. I gotta talk to God. I think I’m in trouble”.

Of a truth. I felt it. I was in trouble. God deals with us differently and communes with us in diverse ways. All we have to do is to be able to identify, discern and listen. It’s easier to judge and claim self-righteousness when we see others ‘sinning’. But the Bible says “…. all our righteousness are as filthy rags”.

Self-righteousness is a sin on its own. It’s only for God to praise, and it’s for God to condemn. I know a lady, all covered in tattoos and piercings, but her spirituality and power of prophecy was beyond understanding.

I know church sisters and brothers whose anger issues and gossiping habits deserved a private hell fire. We all go about our daily business. We take people at face value; we judge them by their dress sense, their phones or handbags, their accents and fluency in English, or by their attitudes.

We decide who we feel is going to hell and who is going to heaven. Remember “God’s ways are not our ways”.

I got off the chair and opened my wardrobe again, surprisingly, the Bible was right there. I picked it and sat back on the bed ready to ponder on the first page my hand opened from the middle. Psalm 130;

“Out of the depths I cried out to you….”

I pondered on the verses. “Lord have mercy…” I prayed. “Lord, we are all your children.

Lost, helpless, hopeless, confused, scared. Lord it’s not easy down here.

We try every day to do things right, but most times, we all end up doing the wrong things. God! It’s seemingly easier to sin, sometimes it makes us happy, sometimes it makes us feel better. It helps us feel good about ourselves.

But all in all Lord, your love is sweeter, your grace is greater, and your forgiveness is a divine gift. Lord have mercy on me, and save me from all my troubles. Amen”

Demon 1 and 2 were already gone by the time I finished praying. I picked the blunt and put it back in the pouch, and also returned the whiskey to the fridge. The headache was gone, but my feet still hurt.

5:49 am. I’ve not even written today’s episode of DOALG. I don’t even know what to write. There was no muse. My friends weren’t around. I’m not even planning on going to church, Lord I need a muse.

Falling back in bed, I dozed off.

8:50 am. My phone buzzed.

Daywalker: “C’mon let’s go to church please. I’m driving”

Me: I don’t even know what to wear. Lemme rush a bath first. I’ll buzz you in 15 minutes”

Daywalker: “Aii..”

Now here I am, seated in church. Reminiscing what has been, and what is to follow.

“Let’s say the Grace in the fellowship”

May all be well.

After the movie, we made a stop at dominos to get pizza. There were still few bottles of drinks left in the fridge back home. “I think we should buy 3 boxes” Lex suggested. “3 boxes!” Mary burst out laughing. “It’s not gonna go to waste tho,” I said, “I can’t get enough when it comes to pizza, Ruthie is always hungry every 5minutes…” “And it’s going to be a looooooong night” Gifty cut in.

We walked into the pizzeria and ordered a half and half for every box. “Lex buy me ice cream” Mary pleaded. “Na ur heart dem break?” Lex tottered, almost knocking over the chair in front of her. Ruthie smacked her head. We laughed. We already had ice cream before the movie, but Mary wasn’t one to count calories, her slim body never retained fats.

Lucky her! If I should smell a chocolate cake sef I’d end up putting on a 2kg weight. “Let’s buy the big sizes and keep them in the fridge, we might end up craving it at an odd time” Gifty suggested. Lex and Gifty settled the Cold Stone bill whilst Mary and I split the Pizza bill.

Back inside the car, we moved all the shoe boxes and other items we got into the trunk for convenience. Lex occupied the front seat with the driver, the rest of us took the back seat. “Lex can you stuff Mary inside your bag?” Gifty joked. It wasn’t all that convenient, but there was no point getting another cab. It was almost dark when we got home. Ruthie paid the cab driver and he helped us unload the trunk.

The maid took them into the house. “Wow! What a day!” I exclaimed, stretching. “Damn! Today was fun” Lex agreed. Ruthie stood by the door staring at us like she was about to address an assembly. “Wetin do you?” Mary smirked. “Nothing”, Ruthie said, “I’m just proud to have friends like y’all”. “Awwwwwwwwww” Mary and Gifty replied at the same time as they pulled her closer enough for a hug. “Can we go inside please, sister Ruthie?” Lex said lovingly. We went into the house and got settled.

Everyone changed into their night wears. Some half naked, others a short and a light top. Whatever was comfy. We all sat in the living room. The maid set the pizza boxes on the table while Mary fetched the whiskey. I got the glasses. “Cheers to a new beginning” I said. We dug into the pizza boxes. “Speaking of new beginnings sef, Becca where is the card?” Mary asked. That was true. I had nearly forgotten about Mr Bami and the business card he gave me.

I opened my purse and got out the card. It had four contacts on it. Wtf! Two were UK lines, one office landline, and the fourth seemed to be his mobile number. I showed the girls and, we all agreed I dial the mobile. It rang and I placed the receiver on speaker.

Him: “Good evening.”

His voice was cooler than earlier. The girls smiled.

Me: “Good evening Mr Bamiloye, sorry, Mr Bami. It’s Becca.”

Him: “I know, your baby voice is spectacular. How are you? And your friends? Hope you girls enjoyed your movie?”

Too many questions. I heard him laugh. Mary scribbled something on a paper, I looked at it, she had written “Ask him if he is married”. I took the paper and wrote back “you are an idiot”. She read it and showed the girls. They giggled.

Him: “Are you there? Hello?”

Me: “Sorry sir. My friends send their regards.”

Him: “I would love to see you girls before I travel. It seems you like the cinemas, How about I take you all for a movie date and then we can talk.”

I looked at the girls. They all nodded in agreement. Silly children.

Me: “Sure. That would be great sir. Is this your WhatsApp contact?” I’m more of a textaholic. I hate calls, only if someone’s life depends on it.

Him: “No. But if this is yours, I’d text you. Say hello to your friends. It was nice to meet you all.”

Me: “Ok sir. I’ll do. Have a lovely evening.”

He ended the call. The girls laughed even louder. “Why are you laughing na? What’s funny?” I asked as I picked a slice of pizza. Two boxes were empty already. Bloody Foodies. “The dude sounds cool actually.” Lex said. “I don’t get impressed by men o, but the guy seems different” Gifty added. “I know right. I hope he is truly different sha. He is handsome tho” Mary pointed. “Ode” Ruthie said, laughing.

“Ruthie if Timmy comes begging, will u take him back?” Mary asked. Ruthie pondered for a bit. “Who goes back to their ex? Ex is ex. When they are gone you let them stay gone!” Gifty fired, placing much emphasis on ‘GONE’. I sipped my whiskey. This kind of question, you gotta be high before u can answer correctly. Like she read my mind, Lex and Gifty set the tray and rolled several sticks. The rest of us joined in the tray party and set the light on it. “Becca if your ex comes back will you take him” Ruthie asked. I didn’t need to ponder, the answer was very clear.

“He won’t come back in the first place” I said. Nearly choking on the blunt. Lex and Mary laughed. They understood my response. “But what if na?” Ruthie persisted. “Well, tempting as it would be, I can’t, I won’t. If I do sef, you girls would beat me.” I explained. It was the truth. Some exes were better off gone, and they had best stay gone. Smoke is in the air, the sitting room looked like a trap house. Gifty picked the last slice of pizza. I think we would need that ice cream.

We all went to the kitchen and got out the ice cream from the fridge. The blunt was already kicking in hunger pangs. “We go dey alright” Lex said. “Las las o” Gifty added. It was already midnight. “Happy Val’s day bitches” We all laughed….. “Let’s watch The Nun” I suggested. “I don’t think it’s available on Netflix” Lex assumed. We searched through the movies using Gifty’s account and settled for Annabelle. What an odd cruise. It couldn’t get any better. It was Val’s day already.

How else, than blunt, ice cream, whiskey and a horror movie. Mary switched off the lights in the living room. One big girly family. I thought of Mr Bami, truly he was cute and I couldn’t wait to see him again. The movie began, show us the evil spirit…