₦airaland Forum

I thought of about 2348 wiseass cracks but resorted to being sane about this. I don't usually possess my marbles, so y'all should take me seriously.

Problems

Creativity
Pirates
Funds
Cinemas
Standards to mention a few

Solutions

Hire a few nairalanders
Liaise with the pirates
Rob a bank or get a loan you'll take 39 years to pay back
Erect 20 in every major city
Submit all your works for scrutiny and I'll rate them. Probably the best will get 2 of 10.

Thank God I'm being extremely objective.

Since the solutions laid out are not likely to be adopted, I say scrap it. It's taken only so long. Let Stealla Damascus and Omotola go and get ICAN or whatever.

Must we make films? We have very very good music videos. let's stick to that and watch good foreign movies. All those nationalists that scream foul, let us develop our own will check out in puff! Go and read books, surf the net, listen to music, get laid etc. I'm sure you won't develop a brain tumour or skin cancer if you don't watch any of the 1208 permutations of Love (Real love, Big love, Lovely Love. poisonous love, you catch the drift)

I've signed on the dotted line!

@iice, I've been incommunicado, yesir. But no matter, all is well that will end well. I need you to revise the digits. Think they might be wrong.

Those, I think, are screenshots from his iPhone. He's probably browsing with it via some freakazoid connection with MTN data-card. Pardon me, but I'm not a "techie". What's all this Vincent business? You mean Ex was the bloke we thought we sent to the bottom of the ocean? Drat! I told Louis that we shoulda used the spikeball, but no, he was more concerned about leaving "evidence". Evidence! Evidence! Mush! Like them ascari's could differenciate between a blood stain and tomato juice. I digress! Not only do you, B-28435 (that's his real name back in Gryjdliskite planet) wanna steal my catch (with all this Cavewoman wahala, she might be a lil more than I can chew), you wanna brand me. Have you heard about the invisible telluric currents, Sisi? Or Feng-shui? No? Our friendly returnee has a hidden agenda. Why not fess up and tell about your peeps at Area 51. And uh, George Bush, Paris Hilton, Ben Affleck, McCain, Condeleeza Rice, Nostradamus, Albert Einstein and Hitler were all from the Gryjdliskite planet. Finally I'll let go of my genome ingrained polygamous nature just to get on ur good books. That's extra points for me since I've made a sacrifice! So what do you say we go to Yoruba road and go eat some wayna,

Y'all quit it with the vernacular.I can't keep up. I'm not that good with it. I can understand way more than I can speak, but that's got to do with context and gesticulations. Since y'all are not gesticulating, I'm at wit's end.

Literature, eh? I read some of Ope's writs about one Brian and one, chic, I forget her name. Then skipped to the wet clothes part. We were getting warmer. If that's all the fun, I trust you implicitly then, Sisi.

P.S. I was actually writing exams and you know,

I can understand the ladies fleeing this thread for fear of a scandalous love triangle but where'd you go Ex?

It's like this was my thread to begin with!

I just read your last post here. And I thought ouch! I don't know this fella Kassovitz but I feel his pain. Having your creativity raped like that. It could drive a man crazy. That's why it's not so good to let loose your best when you're just a budding director, if it were a director with clout, say Spielberg , nobody would tamper with his ideas, at least not too much.

And I'm beginning to get really pissed at these PG-13 idea. Can't we have really rated films like before. Let loose all the violence and sex and nudity and foul language. I like those sometimes. Now I'm fasting but other times, hey? I remember this french movie I saw when I just got initiated into teenage. It did strange things to my body. "Sometimes when i think back, i let loose a careless smile" and say lil pervert.

Me, I'm incognito as far as movies are concerned, for now anyway. I got a lot on my plate. But immediately I get my chance, I think I'll check out Mama Mia, Pineapple express (dunno what it's about but I like the sound of it) and Tropic Thunder (against my usually good judgements). And plenty more of course.

@ iice, it's Cain. And I know that movie. Something to do with extreme futuristic sports. I wonder how they managed to get all those folks in it, even though they are B rated.

But number one on most people's waiting list is Watchmen. People'll be digging back and the comics will become more popular than when it was atively in print.

@Ice_Zik, good luck, ol buddy.

Really i doubt they can stay in tune with the way it was then. But if it's gonna be any good, it'll have to be totally rewritten. I think I'd prefer it as a CGI series.There are quite a few bad asses in Voltron. And really it just seems to similar to Transformers. If they need cartoons, I'd like to see Samurai X, South Park and Johnny Quest. Gotta run!

Haba Ex, you wanna make things X-rated in this joint? I just hope your female friend was following you, though it seems like it. Ba zan bari Sisikill ko Opelovely e gudu. Ni folygamous mutumi ne. Sorry man, i could read your piece, it wasn't too long but I had to get. I'm in the middle of suff and it won't get better until two weeks from now.

About toon columns, it's been long I read a newspaper but I hope that doggie artist hasn't left Punch. He's got a fairly good play on words and not always political. Must everything a newspaper have to offer be about the powers that be?

Sisikill and Opelovely.I hope Ex didn't scare y'all away.

Will get back soon!

This is getting extremely interesting. First I got eyelashes batting, now I get two chics pushing me back and forth (I'd prefer pulling me back and forth but oh well, ) and I'm wondering, is this paradiseland?

@Sisikill, I'm gonna save the picture on your profile and reverse the negative, see if it reveals anything. I wanna see if I can imagine you wielding a baseball bat and screaming your lungs out along Constitution rd. By the way, while I was in secondary school we favoured the golf club as the weapon of choice. We used to do drive-bys with the whole works, bandanna masks, dark shades et al, minus the Uzis of course. It makes a distinctly pleasurable sound as it finds its target in the form of a notorious teacher going home on foot (shoulda bought a car Mr. Vincent).

@Opelovely, I'll put miscontrusions to rest, how's that for something to look up in Webster?

@Ex, if you care, I speak some hausa and I find it the easiest to learn and easiest on the ears unlike the concentrated version of my mother tongue.

Uh, what was this thread about?

Now Ex is being called a techie? I came here to find where you'd gone to and got sidetracked reading retorts and counter-retorts. It's quite amusing how dumb some people are. You really should get outta here and leave this alone. If people accept Ex Inferis as a name on a diploma, then they're obviously hopeless. I'll make my exit now before another irked drone comes out and brands me "Ex Inferis' mouthpiece".

Ex, so na here you hide. What's going on? So I see we're all KD folks eh. Maybe we should start a KD zone but it'd be sure to get infested with numbskulls. Ex wasn't yabbing me, he was employing the same tactics to 'yab' me. He's just got an over developed sense of humor. I might be wrong though; some planets might not be properly alligned for today to be my 'smart' day.

And, Ex, all these Sisikill loves Vesc antics (Me I no mind o) can get 'misconstrued' (forgive me, but I seem not to be done with that joke). It might even appear like I paid you to instigate it. I know, I know, that's far out, but some people believe the Templars' got something to do with everything (Me inclusive).

@Sisikill, I bet you'd bat your eyelashes less now, because the wrong people seem to be taking notice.

And what's thepiratebay.com about? I'm guessing it must be torrent site. Why am I even asking? Checking it out now,

Not to be insensitive or anything, I do not know why Sisikill is apologising. It seems to me you're doing somebody a favour. If Ex's take is anything to go by.


Join the NGO to get the Neoteny persona re-instated. Peaceful rally 4pm, starting from Stadium Roundabout, bring clubs, just in case

So much for bodies to prevent my voice from bouncing back and forth. Gamine that's invisibly by my side, I'm hollering, So I see y'all ain't out cold but hibernating or something like it. Anyways I'm guessing box office activity is quite numbed and that's what's causing this. I expected Ice_Zik to say something since he has a wider, less streamlined taste. What's up, Ice_Zik.

So Gamine, you seen any new oldie yet?

whyyy issssss itttttt thattttttt whennnnnnn Iiiiiiii typeeeeeee ittttttttt seemssssssss tooooooooooo beeeeeeee echoinggggggggg. Whereeeeeeeeeeee isssssssss everybodyyyyyyyyyyyy Areeeeeeeee y'alllllllllllllll onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn holidayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??

Ah! Got caught I see. No point employing my plausible deniability clause since that might be 'misconstrued' as further insult to your intelligence and I do not believe you're simple. Really I do not.

Well you might as well since we believe in miracles. What is a film like the Secret Life of Bees doing on this thread? And what are all y'all doing talking about it?

And what can one possibly do to make Superman darker? Kill off Lois and half of New York and infest the world with Kryptonite (is it?) so much so that any average jewelry has got Kryptonite in em. Or maybe when he figures it out that underwear was meant to be UNDER. Under!! Anybody? Under!! Or when he stops manufacturing his suit from nowhere. Nowhere means the following; an average Taxi cab, a phone booth, an elevator etc. Yeah if all these can be got rid of, then we'll have a new and improved Superman. Bottomline, it's a classic! It should be left alone and shouldn't be thought to be brought into the next century.

Trust the chics to cat fight at the slightest opportunity. I hope y'all know that it pleases the male folk to no end. So if y'all are real feminists, you'll cut it out. If you're walking the middle course you'd still cut it out. Ah. I feel better.

To say the least I have pretty much a whole lotta no idea what a certain person called *** is saying.

*** is for my protetion but I'm sure y'all catch the drift. Except *** of course. But then there's plausible deniability.

What? Dakota Fanning is not a kid actor, she IS a kid.

And, uh, please don't take this the wrong way. Humour usually consists of ironies, hence Jude Law as Harry Potter (that's why it's ridiculous)

I'm really beginning to wonder what is was you posted that's been 'misconstrued'

Why oh why do people compare Jason with all these other boy scouts? Jason is the real deal if there's such a thing. QED!

Let's stick to the topic. Once Gamine asked what a good movie was. This has proved to be a good question. You could judge this based on different criteria, art, grossings, popularity etc. But when it come down to it, these yardsticks are not mutually exclusive, so I'd say a good movie comprises of all the elements I mentioned and more. It's virtually impossible as Ex-Inferis maintained to make a movie for all generations, therefore it follows too that a film should be judged based also on the targeted audience. I remember as a kid, I thought Jumanji and Never ending story were the best films in the world and I couldn't make out what the deal was with The Godfather and Kramer vs Kramer to mention a few. I'm sure if you have teenagers as siblings, they'd hate Brokeback Mountain and probably doze while watching No Country for old men. On the level of awards. Since the Academy consists of essentially the same artists involved in film making themselves. You can't say they are wrong most of the time. Though a lot. But they are mostly right too. The way I see it, they choose films that they think is an appropriate respresentation of the Academy.

Even though we're digressing I think we've basically come to a conclusion that directors, producers and the studio at large for a bad movie. Some complained about intentional sabotage of a studio marketing its film i.e. The assasination, I think this is very unlikely. They'd only do such a thing if they believed marketing costs would exceed the returns. Otherwise it's a case of a mother murdering her own child. I like Bay some but I like Nolan better. Not to take away anything from Bay though, in restrospect Bad Boys II was crappy!

You must have more than to say for not giving props to Memento, The Prestige and Batman begins.

@Ice_Zik, I think Nolan can only go downhill in his career. Other vistas apart from comics/superhero genres will ensure the hill is very gentle, but if he attempts to ride TDK's wave the hill will turn into a cliff.

I hope y'all are not scared of admitting what's good is good for the sake of not being branded as one of the crowd. I think Nolan's been more than impressive with his repertoire of movies. And he's only 38 or so. Haba guys. Give him some rope. In fact his only not so great movies I remember are Insomniac (which wasn't so not so great) and The following (which I haven't seen but if you make a film with less than 10 grand, use your imagination. No matter who you be, it can't be great).

Me, I'm only eternally loyal to Spielberg, that fine Jew, but as far as other directors go, Nolan is sure as hell one for the future. I just hope he disassociates himself from the Batman franchise

X-files too. And Dr. Who and New Masquerade. I wanna know what Village Head master was all about. Maybe some of Things Fall Apart

Lemme break it down to math. The fault and credits go (in percentage or whatever other divide) to whoever was involved in the shooting of a movie. But in general I think it's the producers and directors that should get the major blame or credits but the director gets the major blames or credits. These two sets of people are the ones calling the real shots. You talk about a screen and script writers. If he writes shit. The director can say no. You talk about the Casting people, if they cast shit, the director and producers can say no. You talk about actors, if they act shit, assuming they passed being casted, the director can say no. So basically any other person Bleep-up is the director and producers' Bleep-up for letting it slide. Not to mention their own personal ones.

Hardly believe in such stuff. But it's a nice set of innuendoes you dug up there. Woulda been nicer if it weren't so grim.

Cynicsm is a really bad affliction. You can't get scared, you can't get tickled, you can't work up any anger. You pretty much are bored with everything. Sounds familiar anybody? I'm a typical cynical bastard but once in a while the world musters up some sorta surprise even now and then. And noir is certainly dying. You know why. Doesn't reel in the cheddar like pretentious movies do. That's why.

@ Gamine; what do you want poor Nolan to do. I think he's even reached his pinnacle and if he hasn't offered you a string of fair performances then I think you should delete him in your mind for my guy has ridden his wagon to the top of the hill. You know what happens when you get there; there's only down left to go. Let's just hope downhill isn't to steep. That way he can get too old to be keep his rep. Like Francis Ford Coppola did.

@Ice_Zik. I will certainly look to picking up those comics you offered but definitely it'll be material skimmed from the internet for there's hardly anywhere I can find such stuff.

@Everybody. I saw Inside Man again yesterday and with an open mind too. Spike didn't do too bad for a low budget movie. And Clive Owen looked more believable than in Sin City. He was very unlikely for the role if you ask me. Not like Rourke who stole the freakin show. Well Elijah too did splendidly. And there's Bruce. Men I gotta go find that movie again.

The bastards are actually more selective. They wanna show films that the majority will dig. Like Shrek. Few people even know what Watchmen is about. Good luck, my guy.

They don't sell licensed VCDs, I meant they were licensed to produce the VCDs and not even all their films. Mostly the ones that have cooked for years or the ones that went straight to DVD. But of course I may be vastly misinformed. Either way I don't really give two pieces of my hair. All I want is to watch movies, no matter how.

Na. I think I'll pass. Besides it's just a matter of time before bus drivers starts humming it. QT sometimes gets carried away with keeping face. But then life sure is one bad ass gruesome mutha****g sumbitch. Ain't nothing wrong in telling that.

@Gamine, that's even shorter than I expected. You harsh for real. You're not even on TDK's Nolan band wagon. Like that's the only movie he's made.

That didn't take much figuring. Who impresses you? I think this will be a very short list.

Hey there Gamine. The last ones weren't scary. They were subtle stuff like I said. Just playing with your mind kinda. You mightn't like our dear Shyalaman I take it.

Ah. Don't you think that's a very serious allegation, Ice_Zik? Nu Metro as far as I know get their material like all other cinemas. It might take some more time since we're all the way over here. But many of their movies showed a day or two after they were released officially. They sell retails of some of their previous movies but that's also under license and they expect the average John Citizen not to distribute, or pirate in the parlance. Are you kidding me? Well I doubt if they rip off movies from the net for the quality would give them away and you'd wanna know what you were paying for.

It seems you're loaded than you think too. About situation comedies, I seem to have outgrown them. I find it extremely difficult to laugh or even smile with the barrage of cliches and stupid practical jokes. I find House way more funny than most sit-coms. That's largely Dr. House's fault but hey. Among the ones I can still stand are Stark Raving Mad, Frasier (believe it or not. The humor therein is more matured) and Scrubs. In fact I like Scrubs a lot. Must have something to do with the character Percival Cox. I must have a thing for insensitive doctors.

@Ex. If you start picking Da Vinci Code to pieces I'd probably be the one to bore you. Even the book had a lot of inconsistencies that just helped to carry the story along. If you're an apt student of the scramble for the occult of times before till date, you'd see all the half truths, truths under U.V. lights (hence lies) and outright bollocks. But if you don't try to verify any info and take everything in as is, it makes for a very wild and exciting read. Though I've always preferred Angels and Demons. Even that one had its fair share of conflicting stuff.

It's great that there is a worthy horror flick available cuz I was just about to ask where they all went. The last time I was scared by a horror movie was the original Texas Chain Saw Massacre and the Omen series. All other ones seem like crap. Slither, Grudge, The Ring, and most especially Halloween. I wished they'd finished with the boy, that would have been ok. But he had to go on a mask making hiatus and resume killing (banal and uncreative killing I might add) after what, 20 years?

It doesn't always have to be outright horror though. It could be really subtle stuff like Stir of Echoes, Sixth Sense, The Others or The Hours to get me going. Those were not bad, especially the first and second.

Pretty sparse postings. What gives?

cough, bull.sh, it, cough. Sneeze, boll, ocks, cough.